Against the Odds
by Kallie6891
Summary: Jane Shepard is the only hope in an almost hopeless cause. She will defeat the Reaper invasion at all costs, protecting everyone she can, but at what cost to herself, and those who love her? Follows the storyline of the 3 games, but goes off canon for dialogue depth and character development. SHENKO. Rated M for Language, Sexual themes, and violence.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: I first posted this story about 6 weeks ago, and after Chapter 6 there is a noticeable difference in the story structure thanks to my Fantastic Beta reader. Thus, I am doing an edit on these earlier chapters to make them a little better for you guys, and hopefully encourage you to check out the rest of the story. It is my first fic, so the first few chapters are a little rough, but I promise you it gets exponentially better and is worth checking out.**

 **Enjoy!**

Chapter One

Shepard woke with a start, covered in cold sweat. Her heart was racing, her mind still bombarded with the images from the dream.

Memories flashed through her mind. Her mother, broken on the floor. Her father, riddled with bullets in the doorway. The ships leaving Mindoir, now a colony of corpses, full of the people who were taken as slaves. The face of the Alliance Soldier that had coaxed her out from where she sat, hidden in the wardrobe in her parent's room.

She walked to the washroom in the crew's quarters of the spaceship Normandy and splashed cold water on her face. She hated the tremor in her hands, and gripped the edge of the sink to stop the shaking.

She heaved a sigh and headed out into the Mess Hall to make a cup of tea. It was 3:00 am, and there would be no more sleep tonight.

Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko was sitting at the table, a glass of something emitting powerful noxious fumes by his elbow. "Can't sleep Lieutenant?"

Shepard grimaced as she reached past him for the sugar and the smell hit her full in the face, he nodded his head at her, whiskey colored eyes flashing "Sorry Commander, it's for the migraines. Doc says it'll work better than pills."

He swigged the rest of the potion down, his distaste etched on his handsome face. He ran a hand through his wavy black hair and stood up. "Good Night Commander." He headed back to his bunk in the crew's quarters.

Shepard sat in the quiet and sipped at her tea. She had dreamed of Mindoir twice this week, and she knew that it was because of the atmosphere on the ship about their mission to Eden Prime.

There was something about this run that felt different, and she wasn't the only one who noticed. She was meeting with Captain Anderson in the morning for a briefing on how this would play out, and she was going to ask him to give her the full truth. The council didn't send a Spectre like Nihlus, especially a Turian Spectre along for a simple shake down run.

00oo00oo00

A Prothean Beacon. That is what was waiting for them on Eden Prime.

Shepard was still processing the immensity of this statement when Anderson told her that Nihlus was there to evaluate her as a Candidate for the Spectre's. Nihlus explained that they would be together for several missions, and that he needed to make sure her reputation after what happened on Elysium wasn't just Alliance hype. Anderson has just started speaking about how they would reach the Beacon when their pilot Jeff 'Joker' Moreau came across the intercom.

"Captain. We've got a problem."

A grainy image came up on screen. A broadcast from Eden Prime. The Vid showed Alliance soldiers under attack, they were falling all around the camera as they were taken out by unknown forces. They were taking heavy casualties. A ship, or what she though was a ship was descending upon them, and looked like some kind of giant insect.

The feed went dead. There was a pause as Shepard, Anderson and Nihlus looked at each other, their horror showing plainly on their faces.

Shepard reacted instantly, she knew a small strike team would have the best chance of getting to the beacon. She spun around and was already headed out of the room when Anderson said "Grab your gear, and meet us in the cargo hold!"

Waiting for the drop onto Eden Prime was tense. The Colony was where Jenkins was from, and Shepard was nervous about bringing him along. She knew all to well about being on your home turf when shit hits the fan. She checked both Jenkins and Alenko over, making sure their seals were tight and they were ready to go. With a tap, she motioned them to the hanger door to be ready for the drop.

Alenko's warm brown eyes met hers, and she saw in them the same concern about Jenkins that was in hers. She clicked on her private comm channel. "Watch him"

Alenko, Jenkins and Shepard worked well as a team as they silently made their way towards the dig sit in the distance. They skirted their way along a small grove of trees and Shepard paused, crouching.

There was a stretch of ground ahead of them that had minimal coverage. She hesitated. There was a prickling along the back of her neck, and she couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right.

Jenkins glanced at her, and before she could give him the O.K to proceed he skirted around Alenko and made for a large boulder across from them. He had barely cleared the trees when a pair of flying drones appeared and peppered him with shots.

Shepard and Alenko dove for cover and Jenkins crumpled the ground with a grunt. They took out the drones, and Alenko ran to Jenkins. "Ripped right through his shields, he didn't have a chance" He said. Shepard swore softly to herself and told Alenko that he would have a proper service once the mission was complete, but they had to stay focused and get to the beacon.

 _Goddamn stupid kid. Why hadn't he just waited for me to clear it first._ Shepard shrugged off the guilt and pain. She still had a job to do, and another marine relying on her.

Alenko met her gaze, and she could see the shock in his face, but he was still in game mode, and nodded at her curtly to take point. He was good to go.

They went on in silence and before long heard shots fired ahead of them. They rounded a bend and saw a solitary Alliance marine pinned down by what appeared to be Geth fighters. Shepard and Kaidan had the element of surprise and took out the machine's quickly and efficiently. When Shepard questioned her the soldier revealed she was Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams, and she was the sole survivor of her squad.

Shepard recognized her from the transmission Joker had shown them on the Normandy.

Williams's reports on the Geth were unsettling, as they hadn't been seen outside the veil in nearly 200 years. Shepard filed the information away to brief Anderson later.

Williams joined Shepard and Alenko as they continued towards the Beacon. The fought their way through more Geth, and discovered that Humans were being changed into horrifying zombie like creatures Shepard dubbed "husks". The Husks acted crazed and charged madly towards them with terrifying speed whenever they came across them. They reached a platform where trams could take supplies across the valley to the Beacon.

It was there Shepard saw Nihlus.

He lay face down among the crates. He had been shot in the back of the head. A dock worker came out from behind the crates and told them that another Turian, called Saren, had shot Nihlus.

 _Shit, this is bad. First the Geth and their horrible Husk creations, and now a dead Spectre_. The Council was going to have to be told. She told the dock worker to hide, and they took the tram across to where the Beacon was waiting.

Shepard, Alenko and Williams cleared the Platform of hostiles and made their way down to the Beacon.

It was emitting a soft glow, and as Shepard turned away to radio Joker, she heard Williams telling Alenko that it hadn't been doing anything like that when it was dug up. Alenko was fascinated, and moved closer.

Shepard was talking to Williams when she saw Alenko go stiff, and begin to struggle as the Beacon pulled him towards it. She shoved Williams out of the way and ran to the lieutenant. She grabbed him and threw him with all her might past her, back toward Williams. Shepard was now the one trapped in the pull of the Beacon.

The pain seared through her as her body was pulled in what felt like every direction. She was rising into the air, and she could hear Williams and Kaidan shouting when the first image ripped into her mind. She opened her mouth to scream, but no sound emerged.

Flash! Buildings Burning. Flash! Bodies and red light everywhere. Flash! The disjointed images were still bombarding her mind when the Beacon exploded, and she was blasted backwards.

She saw Kaidans face above her, shouting something to her, but he was blurry and she couldn't hear him. He faded away, and then there was nothing but blackness and silence.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Did an edit and some minor alterations of this Chapter as well, trying to learn from what my fabulous Beta has taught me.

Enjoy!

Chapter Two

Kaidan was breathing hard, his legs and back burning as he ran towards the Normandy with Commander Shepard slung over his shoulder.

 _Oh God, don't let her be dead,_ he chanted to himself over and over in his head as he pushed himself to make it up the ramp, where Williams was screaming for the Doctor.

Anderson came striding around the corner, and demanded the report. Williams started rapidly firing off the events of what had happened since meeting up with Kaidan and the Commander, while Kaidan started to follow Dr. Chakwas towards the Med Bay. Anderson held his hand up to for silence, and followed. "Where is Jenkins?" Anderson asked. Kaidan shook his head, fighting to stay calm, and Anderson sighed and radioed Joker to have a crew go back and recover his body.

Kaidan lowered Shepard onto a table in the med bay and stepped back, removing his helmet. Dr. Chakwas bent over Shepard and said quickly "She's Alive, but I will need to do a full examination to determine her injuries."

Captain Anderson motioned for Kaidan to follow him out of the Med Bay, and they both made their way to his office.

"What the hell happened out there Lieutenant" Anderson demanded.

Kaidan described how Jenkins was gunned down by the drones, and how they came upon Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams battling the Geth.

"Geth!" Anderson exclaimed.

"Yeah, caught us by surprise as well. They were turning Human prisoners into these … Husks." Kaidan swallowed hard, the images of the colonist impaled on spikes ripping through his mind. "Williams was great, her squad was gone, but she just changed gears and helped us make the push to the Beacon. She is a hell of a soldier. Sir." Kaidan's face was apprehensive now, and he braced himself to tell Anderson the rest of it. "Nihlus is dead. There was a survivor that said he saw him get gunned down by another Turian called Saren."

"Saren" Anderson said "Damn it." Anderson sighed, rubbing a hand briskly across his face. "I'll buy us some time. I don't want to go to the council until I have spoken to Shepard. Thank you Lieutenant, for getting her out of there."

Kaidan looked down, shame written across his face. "It was my fault the Commander was hurt in the first place, I got too close to the beacon and she had to push me out of the way."

Anderson looked at Kaidan, his expression hard. "Shepard is one of the toughest soldiers I know. She does everything she can every time she goes out there, to see her people make it home. After everything she has been through, she will shrug this off, just you wait and see. Now, I have to see to Jenkins, and get in contact with his Family … if they made it off Eden Prime. Dismissed Lieutenant."

Kaidan walked slowly back towards the Armoury, running the events of the day back in his mind. _How had a simple pick up run turned so deadly?_ He and Jenkins had been playing cards in the mess last night, joking about finally seeing some action, and now Jenkins was being loaded into the cargo bay in a body bag.

As he stripped off his armour, his mind turned to Shepard. She hadn't hesitated to shove him out of harm's way, even though it put her in danger. The image of her hitting the ground after the Beacon exploded was burned in his mind. She had just slammed into the ground, limbs all akimbo...completely limp. He had been frantic, checking her for a pulse, yelling at Joker to get the Normandy to them for Evac as quickly as possible.

He set the last of his armour in his locker and headed back towards the Med Bay. Dr. Chakwas stopped him at the door and said that she thought Shepard would be fine physically, but that she showed no signs of waking up. She told Kaidan there was nothing for him to do, and he should get some rest. It had been a hard day for the whole crew.

The hours seemed to drag out forever.

Kaidan slept fitfully, images of the Geth, Jenkins, and Shepard running through his mind. When he headed out to the mess to get something for breakfast, he saw Ashley Williams seated at the table. She gave him a wan smile, and said "Don't try the eggs, they taste like shit."

Kaidan smiled back "Noted". He grabbed a tray and sat next to her.

"Any news on the Commander?" Williams twisted her hands together.

"Dr. Chakwas said she doesn't have any physical injuries, but hasn't shown any signs of waking up." Kaidan said, looking down at his tray.

Williams frowned. "I hope she recovers, she seems great. She was just so…calm about it all. I mean those husks were coming from everywhere and she didn't even break a sweat. Just told us where to be and what to do and dealt with it. You don't serve with many leaders that are so together, you know?"

Kaidan sighed. "Yeah. Anderson thinks she'll pull through though. After what she did on Elysium, I can't imagine the Commander being taken down by something like a beacon."

"Wait, Commander Shepard is THE Commander Shepard! The one who got practically her whole squad off Elysium when they were up against like 1000 Batarian slavers?" Ashley goggled at Kaidan.

"Yeah, that's her." Kaidan replied.

"Whoa. When Anderson asked me if I wanted an assignment on the Normandy, I knew it was a good gig. But Hero of the alliance as my X.O good? No way." Ashley was positively radiating with her good fortune.

"Williams, you should probably know that she doesn't exactly like to discuss it. I wouldn't bring it up." Kaidan cautioned her.

The excitement on Williams face dampened slightly."O.K. Thanks for the heads up L.T. I'm going to go set up my locker and bunk, catch you later."

"Good that have you on board Chief" Kaidan nodded to her. Williams stood up, and headed down to the Armoury.

Kaidan spent the next few hours cleaning his armour and weapons, as he hadn't gotten around to it last night. He tried to stay away from the Med Bay, but kept finding excuses to walk past the window and peek in to see if there were any changes to Shepard's condition.

He was on his third trip past the window when he thought he saw Shepard move her arm. He looked around for Dr. Chakwas and noticed she wasn't in the room, so went into the Med Bay to wait for her.

As he sat next to Shepard, he thought about the way he had felt when he saw her hit the ground after the explosion.

How he had felt when he thought she might not wake up, and how terrified he had been that she might be dead as he ran towards the Normandy with her on his shoulder. He shifted uneasily in his chair as he realized he wasn't just worried about her as his Commander, or a fellow soldier. He had feelings for her.

 _Shit. When had that happened_. They had only had a few conversations in the weeks since he had joined the Normandy crew. Usually late at night, when they seemed to be the only ones up, due to trouble sleeping.

He scrubbed his hand across his face and told himself to snap out of it. She was his Commanding Officer, and there were regulations, even if she did become interested in return.

He snuck a look around, making sure they were still alone.

 _God,you are beautiful_ He thought to himself as he gazed at her.

She had dark blonde hair, and green eyes the color of those old bottles you saw in museums. It was rare though, the colour of her hair, especially when combined with green eyes. Most Humans had dark hair and eyes now, a result of recessive genes, naturally blonde hair was rare.

Shepard she moaned quietly and stirred. He pushed back his chair, and darted to the door calling out "Doctor? Doctor Chakwas! I think she's waking up"


	3. Chapter 3

**Authors Note 2: I have gone through and edited and made some minor changes in the effort to make us of all the great feedback my Beta gave me.**

 **Authors note: I hope people are enjoying my little Fanfic so far, It is my first one. I am going to try and post chapters as I finish them. I was going to do a once a week things, but I know when I am reading others stories, I want as much as I can as fast as I can get it. Please enjoy, and feel free to let me know what you think so far!**

 **This is a Fan Fiction. All Themes and Characters belong to Bioware. No Copy-write infringement intended.**

Chapter Three

Shepard opened her eyes slowly. There was a dull throbbing in the base of her skull, and it took a moment for her vision to come into focus.

She could hear someone calling for Dr. Chakwas, she thought it might be Kaidan. As she sat up slowly, memories of everything that had happened on Eden Prime flooded into her mind.

Jenkins dead, Geth and Husks everywhere. Kaidan struggling against the Prothean Beacon just before she shoved him out of the way, heart racing.

Dr. Chakwas came over and asked her how she was doing, and Shepard discovered she had been out cold for almost 15 hours. It _had_ been Kaidan's voice she heard calling for Dr. Chakwas.

He was standing at the foot of her bed, and reached out a hand to help her as she scooted herself to the end of the bed. "Commander. I'm sorry. I was my fault that the Beacon activated, if I hadn't..."

"Lieutenant Alenko, were you aware of what the Beacon did?"

"No Ma'am but-"

"Then there is nothing to apologize for. I did what anyone would do. I got a valued member of my team out of harms way."

They locked eyes and he smiled faintly and looked away, clearing his throat.

"What happened? I don't remember what happened after it grabbed me, other than the...things I saw."

"The Beacon exploded ma'am. You were blasted away from it, and you were out cold. I uh... I had to carry you back to the ship."

Shepard raised her head quickly, one eyebrow raised and met his eyes with an impressed look. He fidgeted slightly, and colour crept up his neck, but he held her gaze. "You carried me from the Beacon to the Landing zone in full armour?" _Well well, look who was a whole lot stronger than he looked under those fatigues._

"Uh, yes Ma'am."

"Hmm. Thank you Lieutenant. I guess I owe you a beer." She flashed him a quick grin, and was rewarded with one in return.

Dr. Chakwas cleared her throat, and Shepard turned towards her.

She and Dr. Chakwas had just started to discuss the strange visions that Shepard experienced while in the pull of the beacon, when Anderson joined them. He made sure she was O.K, then he dismissed Kaidan and Dr. Chakwas to speak with her privately.

Anderson told her that he was keeping Ashley Williams on as a member of the crew and Shepard was glad. She liked how Williams had handled herself under intense pressure and a mental terrifying experience. Watching your team get gunned down around you, and still being functional was rare. Shepard thought she would be a great asset to the Normandy, and told Anderson so.

She and Anderson spoke about the council, and how it was going to be ugly when they got back to the Citadel and told them about the attack. She thought Anderson was going to help her come up with the briefing for them when his next statement caught her by surprise.

Saren was a Spectre? A rogue, Turian, human hating Spectre to boot.

 _Well Shit, this is getting worse and worse_.

Anderson grilled Shepard about the events of the Mission, searching for any clue as to what Saren may have been doing there. Shepard told him about the visions she saw while trapped by the Beacon... and that she thought it was some kind of warning. Warning of what, she didn't know.

Anderson voiced his concerns about Saren, and how badly they would need the council on their side if they were going to stop him.

They left the Med Bay and Anderson went to check how far away they were from the Citadel, while Shepard wandered over to where Kaidan was standing.

They spoke about Jenkins. Shepard confessed that she wished she had been able to do more to save him, and Kaidan reassured her that it was bad luck, and there wasn't anything that could have been done to stop it. They chatted about what the effect of the missions events were going to be on the Alliance, and Kaidan spoke confidently about what his expectations of the repercussions would be.

"You've got a good grasp of the situation. You a career man?" Shepard asked him, impressed.

Shooting her a smile, Kaidan replied "Yeah, a lot of Biotics are."

He described that it had made the most sense for him, both because of his Biotics, and because his father had served with the Alliance, to sign up. "Is that why you joined as well Commander? Because of your family?"

Pain flashed across Shepard's face, so quickly Kaidan wondered if he had seen it at all.

"My Family were Homesteaders on Mindoir. I'm the only one left. But I've moved past that." Shepard answered, praying he hadn't heard of Mindoir. That he didn't ask her any more questions about her family. She breathed a sigh of relief when he just gazed at her and continued on, touching on the subject of her mission to Elysium.

Elysium. Another part of her past she couldn't keep buried she thought to herself, snapping back to attention as Kaidan asked if she could tell him why there were headed to the Citadel.

She explained they were going to try and get Ambassador Udina to get an audience with the Council to tell them about Saren.

He agreed that it was most likely their best shot at getting support.

She lingered for a moment, trying to think of something else to say.

Kaidan beat her to it though "Whatever happens, we'll be ready Commander."

Shepard nodded to Kaidan and wandered away, leaving the conversation as it was.

 _Jesus Jane, get it together!_ She thought to herself. _Yeah Alenko is good looking, those eyes, that hair, mmm that smoky voice… But you're his superior. He isn't going to see you that way._ She flung her hair over her shoulder and marched towards Dr. Chakwas, resolving to put it behind her and stop acting like a school girl with a crush.

"Hey Doc, got time for a chat?"

Shepard was not quite ready to turn in for the night with thoughts of Kaidan still flitting though her mind. She and Dr. Chakwas chatted about joining the alliance, and ending up on the Normandy. It seems they were both adventure seekers, and felt that travelling through space while serving the alliance was a good was to achieve it.

"I wanted to travel the stars, tending the wounds of tough soldiers with piercing eyes and sensitive souls." Dr. Chakwas said and laughed slightly. "Turns out Military life wasn't quite as romantic as I'd imagined."

Shepard smiled back at her, delighted.

They talked about Captain Anderson, and how he seemed to have the perfect balance between hard ass commander and comrade, and then Shepard couldn't help herself and asked "How well do you know Lieutenant Alenko?"

Chakwas looked at her steadily, a small smile playing on her lips. "I've never worked with him before this mission, but he has an impressive service record. Over a dozen special commendations. Tends to keep to himself though, maybe because of the headaches… it's not easy being a L2."

Shepard was confused. "What does that have to do with it?"

Chakwas explained. "Well, most biotics now use the L3 implants. Lt. Alenko was wired with the old L2 configuration. Sometimes there are complications"

 _Wired?_ _Sounds unpleasant_.

"What kind of complications?" Shepard asked, curious.

Dr. Chakwas quickly fired off several, none of them good. "Severe mental disability, Insanity, crippling physical pain. There's a long list of horrific side effects. Kaidan's lucky, he just get migraines."

Well, that explained the conversation in the mess hall with that foul smelling brew he was drinking, Shepard thought. She thanked Dr. Chakwas and continued on to the crew quarters. They would be at the Citadel in 6 hours, and she had better get some sleep.

00oo00oo00

Shepard, Williams, and Alenko stepped off the Normandy onto the Citadel.

They were headed up to see Councillor Udina, Earth's representative before presenting their information about Saren to the Council. Shepard disliked the Councillor, he was a vain, power hungry little man, and she felt that he was un-trustworthy. They were waiting for him, and had stepped onto the balcony in his office, which overlooked an arm of the Citadel. The View was amazing.

"Big Place." Kaidan murmered, gazing out at the view stretching before them.

"That your… professional opinion sir?" Williams jabbed at him, jokingly.

"He's right Chief." Shepard said "This isn't a station it's a city!"

Kaidan leaned forward, resting his elbows on the railing. "There must be millions of people here. It can't be possible to track everyone, coming and going."

Williams nodded and let out a low whistle. "This makes Jump Zero look like a Port-a-John, and it's the largest deep space station the Alliance has."

"Jump Zero was big" Kaidan acknowledged "But this is a whole other scale. Look at the ward arms. How do they keep all that mass from flying apart?"

The immensity of the Citadel, and the sheer number of races living on it prompted Shepard to rejoin the conversation. "The council represents more races that I thought. No wonder they are careful with newcomers."

"They probably just want to keep everything running." Kaidan replied, looking over at her. "It has to be hard keeping all these cultures working together."

Williams frowned. "Or maybe they just don't like Humans."

Shepard shot a sideways look at her and asked bluntly "Why Not? We've got oceans, beautiful women, and this emotion called Love. According to the old Vids, we have everything they want."

Kaidan stood straight and smiling at her. "When you put it that way, there's no reason they wouldn't like you." Then as if realizing what he said had been, in fact, out loud, he added awkwardly "I mean, us. Humans, Ma'am." He looked away, rubbing the back of his neck, blushing furiously.

Williams ribbed him wickedly "You don't take much shore leave, do you L.T?"

Shepard's heart was racing. _Maybe Alenko wasn't so indifferent to her_.

Unfortunately he had said it in front of Ashley, and Shepard couldn't risk her blabbing it all over the ship so had to dress him down a bit.

"All right, laugh it up Chief. I appreciate the thought Alenko, but we are on Duty here."

He looked over at her and said quickly "Uhh, aye aye Ma'am." They held eye contact for a moment, and Shepard felt a bit sorry for him. Stupid Regs.

They got word that they were ready to head up to the council, and took the lift to the top of the tower. They were heading across to meet Udina when they came across a frustrated Turian C-Sec officer talking about Saren.

The Officer felt that Saren was hiding something and was trying to get his superior office to give him an extension on his investigation. After arguing back and forth his superior told him in no uncertain terms to back down, walked away.

The Officer huffed out a frustrated breath and turned to where Shepard stood watching.

He introduced himself as Garrus Vakarian, the Officer in charge of the C-Sec investigation against Saren.

He described his difficulty accessing any information about Saren, as the Turian is a Spectre, all his files are classified.

"Saren is up to something, I feel it in my Gut." Vakarian's frustration was rolling off of him in waves.

Shepard felt a spark of interest when he growled his concerns to her.

From what she had heard about Turian's they were such loyal soldiers that they would basically follow any order, good or bad, once given to them. It intrigued her to see this Turian so frustrated by what he felt was a bad order. Kaidan prompted her to continue on to see the council and Vakarian wished them good luck.

"Maybe they'll listen to you" he said as they continued on towards the Council.

The council audience didn't go well.

Shepard had been surprised to see Saren in attendance, via hologram. He openly laughed at her charges, and the council effectively dismissed their claims as they had no physical evidence against him.

Once the council dismissed them, Shepard and Udina decide to continue investigating on their own, with or without council support.

He gave her a few leads, and she went off to follow them with Kaidan and Ashley.

Jane Shepard agreed with the C-sec officer Vakarian. Saren was up to something, and she was going to figure out what.


	4. Chapter 4

Authors Note: I have gone through and Updated this Chapter based on the Advice of my Beta reader. Hopefully it flows better now and everyone can enjoy the story, not my poor structuring!

This is a Fan Fiction. All Themes and Characters belong to Bioware. No Copy-write infringement intended.

. .

Chapter Four

Shepard flopped down on her bunk in the crews' quarters, and heaved a huge sigh. The past 24 hours had been some kind of crazy.

She, Williams, and Alenko had headed off after the meeting with Udina following leads to try and get evidence against Saren.

They had headed off to a club to meet with a C-Sec officer called Harkin. He was a drunken loser, and Shepard had no respect for him. It didn't help her temper that Alenko's jaw had dropped and he had stared admiringly at the Asari dancers in the club. I mean, sure they were beautiful, but he was a professional, he shouldn't be drooling over some blue bimbo when he was on a mission.

A little voice had nagged her while she was trying furiously not to dress him down that maybe, she cared a little _too_ much that Kaidan stared at other women.

Williams had also noticed and was giving him a hard time, as per usual.

After some intense back and forth, they got Harkin to tell them about a Doctor in the lower wards that might have more information, and they headed off.

When they had arrived at the Medical Clinic to talk with Dr. Michele, Garrus Vakarian was already there, hiding behind a pillar with his gun drawn. Shepard barely had time to register the four armed men in the room, when the one closest to Dr. Michele spun her around, using her as a human shield.

Vakarian reacted instantly shooting the one holding her in the head, a perfect shot. The merc fell, dragging a screeching Dr. Michele down to the floor with him.

Shepard sprang into action, she and Kaidan had taking out the others quickly, while Williams watched their six.

Once the smoke cleared and the merc's were lying dead throughout the clinic, Vakarian and Dr. Michele filled them in.

The men were thugs hired by a shady club owner named Fist, and he was trying to keep the Doctor quiet. She had treated a young Quarian girl earlier. A Quarian girl who had information about Saren.

Apparently Fist wanted the information kept quiet. Vakarian gave a passionate speech about wanting to finish what he started by helping them take Saren down. He called him a traitor to all Turian's, and asked to come along.

Shepard had considered him intently.

She had a good feeling about this Turian, and sent Williams back to the ship so he could join her and Kaidan after she confirmed he was serious.

They then met up with a Krogan bounty hunter named Wrex, who was being detained by C-sec and he led them to Fist. On the way back to the club Wrex told them Fist was an ex-informer for the Shadow Broker, an information dealer with his fingers in every pie in the galaxy. Apparently Fist betrayed the Shadow Broker and started working with Saren, thus the Shadow Broker had hired Wrex to take him out.

The club was full of thugs armed to the teeth, who seemed to be expecting a good fight. Shepard and her team did not disappoint.

They made it through all the thugs Fist had hired to guard him, then Shepard let Wrex rough him up a bit.

He quickly told them about the Quarian that had information about Saren. He had told the girl that she was meeting agents of the Shadow Broker, but was setting her up for an ambush.

 _Son of a bitch, they didn't have a lot of time_.

She turned to Kaidan, to get him to try and hack com channels to contact the Quarian and _Blam_!

Wrex had shot Fist, fulfilling his contract to the Shadow Broker.

Shepard shifted on the bed and sighed as she remembered the panicked flight down to the narrow corridor where the ambush was set.

Fist hadn't been messing around, and there had been a lot of very well armed thugs waiting for them when they burst into the corridor. After an intense battle, which Shepard had been surprised the Quarian joined them for, the Thug's were all down.

After making sure the girl was OK, and reassuring her that she was safe now, Shepard had questioned the young Quarian girl who's name was Tali'Zorah nar Rayya.

She did have evidence against Saren, and she was willing to share it with them. They had all headed back to Udina's office so they could discuss the evidence in private.

Tali explained about her Pilgrimage, the rite of passage for all Quarian's, and it being the reason she was on the citadel. In order to go back and be accepted as an adult to the Flotilla, she had to do something worthy. Fingering a dirty Spectre was her ticket.

She played a recording for them that she had recovered from a Geth she had disabled. The recording was of Saren, talking about Eden Prime and the Beacon. He was looking for something called the Conduit. There was a woman's voice with him on the recording, and she said something about how they were one step closer to the return of the reapers.

Triumph flooded Shepard. The Council wouldn't be able to ignore this. She locked eyes with Kaidan, and saw the same fire burning in his eyes.

Tali explained that the Geth believe the Reapers were an ancient race of sentient machines that drove the Prothean's to extinction, 50,000 years ago.

It was when Tali was describing the destruction of the Prothean race, that the Vision Shepard had experienced on Eden Prime suddenly made sense.

It had been images of the Reapers destroying the Prothean's.

Shepard had barely had time to process this before Anderson was rushing her to go to the Council and give them the evidence against Saren. No matter what they thought of the visions, the reapers, or the rest of it, those files proved Saren was a traitor.

What had happened with the Council had been surprising, to say the least. They had taken the evidence and used it to strip Saren of his Spectre status. The surprising part happened when then they made Shepard a Spectre in his stead. The _First_ Human Spectre. It had been a whirlwind from there.

Anderson had stepped down as Captain of the Normandy, and given the ship over to Shepard. The Normandy, the most advanced warship in the entire Alliance, was now hers.

She was in charge, and it was an incredible feeling. She recruited Wrex, Tali and Garrus as members of her crew, and they were all now on board the Normandy while they headed off to Therum to try and find Liara T'soni.

Liara was the daughter of the woman who was on the recording with Saren, Matriarch Benezia.

The Asari Councillor had told them about her, as she had recognized the voice on the recording.

Shepard hoped her daughter Liara might be able to give them more information about her Mother's involvement. They were 2 days out from reaching Therum, so Shepard caught a few hours of much needed rest, then headed out to see how the newest crew members were setting in on her ship.

 _Her Ship. Wow, what a feeling_ she grinned to herself.

She headed down to the cargo bay to check on Wrex, Vakarian, and Williams. Wrex was gruff, a bit hostile, and shall we say, a Krogan of limited words. Trying to get him to talk was like pulling teeth. Shepard liked him immensely, and she was looking forward to getting to know him better.

She found Garrus Vakarian to be a bit of a contradiction. From what she knew of Turian culture, they were essentially, perfect soldiers.

They followed rules and orders to the death, never countermanding a superiors order. Garrus however, told her quite baldly that he was happy to be on board with her, because Spectre's could make their own rules and they wouldn't be buried under red tape on every mission.

Shepard eyed him appraisingly. She tested him a bit, making sure that he understood he may not have to follow C-Sec's rules, but he had damn well better follow hers. She would always look out for the civilians, and that meant every job had to be done right, not fast. He looked a bit taken aback, maybe worried he had offended her, and she welcomed him to the team and wandered over to Williams.

Ashley was distracted, and not really receptive to talking. Shepard wondered what was on her mind.

The gunnery chief kept sneaking sideways looks at Wrex and Vakarian when she thought Shepard wouldn't notice.

Shepard prodded her a bit more to try and get her to own up to whatever what eating at her. It came out that Ash was feeling frustrated and angry about Eden Prime. She talked about losing her whole squad and Jenkins, and Shepard could see how hard she was trying to keep her anger in check. Shepard acknowledged the fear of losing crew members, and had taken losses as well. It was never easy.

With a sigh, the other marine promised she would talk to Chakwas, and try and let it all out. Williams knew it was no good to keep it all bottled up.

As she walked away, Shepard couldn't shake the niggling feeling of worry she had abut Ash. Anger was fine, it fueled you, kept you going… but you had to be able to keep it fully in check or it made you sloppy. Sloppy was dangerous, especially in a team situation.

Shepard resolved to keep a close eye on Williams the next time she took her out.

She headed up a floor, and stopped in at engineering, where their new Quarian crew member went into rhapsodies about the Drive Core. She truly showed how young she was just by her sheer delight, and the fact that she had no qualms about showing it in front of her Commanding Officer.

Shepard was impressed with her knowledge, and made sure she had full access to whatever she needed to keep things running at optimal capacity. She smiled to herself as she turned away, Tali was refreshing, skilled, and the best tech expect she had seen in years. She would be extremely useful.

Shepard's Omni-Tool pinged, letting her know she had messages to check, so she headed up to the CIC. She viewed her mail, sent her replies then wandered over to the Bridge to chat with Joker.

She and Joker had been together for since she joined the Normandy, about one month before Kaidan joined, and they had found a rhythm working together. That rhythm was basically Joker being a sarcastic ass, and Shepard egging him on in delight.

Shepard had very few people she let into her life enough to truly be called a friend, and he was one. She could wander up to him at any given time, and he seemed to know her mood and they could chat about pretty much anything, as long as she was willing to put up with his cracks and jabs. He could be serious as well, if the situation was truly grave, but Shepard loved that he could just be himself.

She had been concerned for him when he told her about his condition, Vrolik's Syndrome was very serious but Shepard knew now that he always worked within his limits, and brittle bones did nothing to stop him from being the best damn pilot in the alliance. _Not that I would ever tell him that, his ego is huge already!_ She laughed to herself.

Shepard steeled herself as she rode the elevator down a floor to where Kaidan was. She told her hormones to get a grip on themselves, and stop acting like a high school girl asking someone to prom. As she walked towards him, he lifted his arm, rubbing his face across his elbow.

 _He looks tired._

"Commander. Do you have minute?" He asked, as she was approaching.

She was relieved, she always seemed to be the one initiating the conversations with him, and it was nice to know he _wanted_ to talk to her.

"I always make time for my Officers." She replied.

He looked grave, and serious. "Off the record, I think there is something wrong here. This Saren, is looking for records on some kind of Galactic extinction, but we can't get back up from the council? Sorry Commander, there is writing on the wall here, but someone isn't reading it" He was obviously frustrated.

"The council doesn't want to believe anything is wrong. I'd call it Human Nature but…"

Kaidan picking up her train of thought instantly, cocking an eyebrow at her. "I hear you. It, it just seems like a group that has been around as long as the Council could see this coming. I mean it's funny, we finally get out here and the final frontier was already settled. And the residents don't even seem impressed by the view. Or the dangers." He finished, looking straight into her eyes.

She met his stare, and hoped he couldn't hear how fast her heart was beating. His eyes were just … gorgeous. She tilted her head slightly, smirking at him. "Well, well, you're a romantic. Did you sign on for the dream Alenko? Secure man's future in Space?"

He laughed, shoulders relaxing. He leaned back slightly shooting her a grin. "Yeah I read a lot of those books when I was a kid, where the hero goes to space to prove himself worthy to a woman he loves, or … You know for justice" He was blushing slightly and broke their eye contact.

She stamped down hard on the girlishly sighing voice in her head silencing it, and willed herself not to blush.

Kaidan soldiered through the awkward pause. "Or maybe I was a romantic in the beginning, but I thought about it after brain camp. Oh, uh sorry. Biotic Acclimation and Temperance Training. I'm not looking for the dream, I just want to do some good, see what's out here."

He paused, and looked at her intently, seeming to be making up his mind about whether or not to continue. She stayed silent and kept the eye contact, hoping he would.

"Sorry if I got to informal, protocol wasn't a big focus back in BAAT."

"Tell me about it. What was it like there?" Shepard asked, not wanting the conversation to end.

Kaidan looked a bit surprised that she was interested, but continued talking. "Biotic Acclimation and Temperance didn't last past the airlock. To the kids they hauled in it was Brain Camp. Sorry, hauled in is unkind, we were _encouraged to submit to an evaluation of our abilities so an understanding of biotics could be compiled._ "

Shepard could practically see the air quotations when he said that.

He continued "There are worse results of accidental exposure to Element Zero in the womb. Beats the brain tumors some kids grew up with."

Shepard looked at him, curious as to why he had worded it that way, and asked "Is there some question about how you were exposed?"

Kaidan's face became serious. "My mother was downwind of a transport crash. It was before there were Human Biotics, a little after discovery of the Martian ruins. It only gets iffy around '63 when Conatix was running out of first gen test subjects. Until then they relied on _accidentals._ A bunch of guys show up at your door after school and the next thing you know, you're out on Jump Zero."

 _Jesus_ , Shepard thought. What a way to leave your family and find your way in the world. Getting hauled off to a space station with a bunch of other kids in the same situation. She wanted to hear what it had been like for him. He was so … together all the time. It was hard to picture Kaidan as a scared teenager.

"Do you know of any intentional exposures for certain?" She asked.

"No one knows," He replied slowly "Doesn't mean they didn't happen. As big as the exposures were, it was hard to track down accidentals. It was different then, no one knew the potential, so there wasn't a lot of regulation. Anything Conatix did, was gold. I'm not saying they _intentionally_ detonated drives over our outposts, but in retrospect, the were damn quick on the scene."

Shepard thought about the biotics she knew, and the abilities they had. Kaidan was stronger than most of them, but always seemed to be holding himself back. Almost as though he was scared to see what he could really do.

She also thought about the ruthless people she had run across in her years with the Alliance. Intentionally exposing people to Element Zero to create more human biotics isn't something she would put past half of them.

She decided not to continue with that line of conversation and changed the subject back to when Kaidan left home. "Jump Zero is Gagaran Station right? What's it like?"

"Yeah, that's the official name. Biggest and farthest facility we had for decades. Right in the termination shock, the outer edge of the solar system. It's where they did all the goose chase FTL research before we caught onto using Mass Effect fields. It was a sterile research platform when I was there." Kaidan answered, the tension leaving his face.

Shepard shifted bringing herself slightly closer to him and cocked her hip out, making her stance more relaxed. Kaidans shoulders loosened in response.

"There were other kids in the same boat right? At least you weren't alone out there."

Kaidan smiled at her. "That's true. We did have a little circle that would get together every night before lights out. We didn't have much to do though, it was a research platform then, and Conatix kept Jump Zero off the Extranet, to prevent leaks."

Shepard grinned wickedly at him. "You were all teenagers, I'm sure you found … Other ways to occupy the time."

She was expecting Kaidan to laugh, or maybe blush a bit, but his face was serious.

He looked her straight in the eyes. "I'm not the sort who does that kind of thing Commander. Not lightly anyway."

Shepard's heart fell. She was thinking of something to say, to walk away without embarrassing herself further, when Kaidan continued.

"There was a girl, I spent a lot of time with, we kept our clothes on though. Rahna. She was from Turkey, her family was very rich. But she was smart, and charming as hell… Beautiful, but not stuck up about it. Like you I guess … Ma'am" Kaidan swallowed hard, the look on his face saying he hadn't expected to say that last part out loud.

Shepard was fighting it, but she knew a blush was creeping up her neck. She decided to try and play it cool, not commenting on the compliment that had made her light up inside and the girlish sigh to return in her head. "She was special to you."

"She was, and maybe she felt the same, but things never fell together. Training, you know" Kaidan said briskly.

"Jump Zero is a long way from home, what was it like?" Shepard asked, shaken a bit by the sadness on Kaidan's face when he spoke about Rahna.

"The grand gateway to humanity looked a lot better on the vids." He said bitterly. "Anyway, this was supposed to be a casual debrief, not a bull session about stuff that happened years ago."

 _Screw it_ , Shepard thought. _What's the worst that can happen? He reprimands you for being in appropriate? Reports you for fraternization?_ _Crushes you to his chest and kisses you until your knees are weak?_ The voice in her head chirped. _Hmmm, I like that last option_.

She went for it. "I wanted to get to know you a little better. That's all. Thanks for the talk Kaidan."

She used his first name on purpose, making it casual. This was not a conversation between a commander and her lieutenant, but a conversation between two people trying to get to know each other.

Kaidan leaned back, appraising her. "Well, you're welcome ma'am." He drew his eyes brows together and asked cautiously "You uh… make a habit of getting this personal with everyone?"

She smiled what she hoped was a nonchalant smile at him and said "No, no I don't. We'll talk again later."

She waited, looking at him calmly, while her heart was pounding in her ears. _Oh god, what was I thinking, how could I have just said it like that!_

Kaidan locked eyes with her, the intense whisky gaze searing into her. "I'll Uhh... I'll need some time to process that Commander."

Her heart fell with a splat to her feet, the voice in her head hissing in disappointment. _He had called her Commander_. She was in such deep shit.

Then he leaned towards her, his face soft and his voice huskier than normal. "But yeah, I'd like that."

He smiled, and she smiled back, hope spilling back into her chest.

As she turned and walked away, the voice in her head was screeching like a school girl, dancing and spinning in a circle in her mind. Shepard sighed to herself.

 _This could be the start of something amazing._


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: More Fixing, courtesy of my Beta, Ka'Dira Ezra. Minor Changes, but lots of cleaning up for ease of reading!

Enjoy, and don't forget to review and let me know what you think!

Chapter Five

Shepard flinched as a bullet slammed into the console of the mining laser next her head, making her ears ring. Kaidan and Garrus were returning fire at the Merc's that had been awaiting them on Therum.

"Ok got it! Get back!" She yelled, just as Garrus took out the last merc. They all ducked behind a broken concrete slab and the mining laser cut through the rock ahead of them, blasting a path to the trapped Dr. T'soni.

They had battled their way through the lava fields in the Mako, defeated hoards of Geth, and arrived at the dig site to find the good Doctor trapped in some kind of bubble she had set off by accident. Shepard sighed inwardly. _Why could nothing ever go smoothly?_

They headed up to where she was trapped and managed to get her out of the bubble. Liara was dehydrated and weak, and thought she was hallucinating them. Shepard waited patiently, asking her questions about her Mother and Saren, until Liara realized they were actually there in front of her, and she was being rescued.

Shepard watched Liara's face carefully when questioning her, and was confident that the Asari had no knowledge of what Saren was up to.

Kaidan and Garrus took point, and Shepard help the exhausted Doctor onto the platform as massive shudders started tearing through the mountain.

"C'mon, C'mon" Shepard chanted softly to herself as the platform slowly made its way towards the surface. She had just started to breathe a sigh of relief when a Krogan battle master and his Geth cronies stepped into sight, blocking their exit.

"Surrender, or don't. That would be more fun" he growled menacingly at them.

Another massive shudder ripped through the mountain causing the platform to groan and twist underneath them. Shepard had finally had enough. She caught Kaidans eye, and he edged closer to the Doctor until he was protectively in front of her.

"We don't have time to deal with this idiot! Charge!" She bellowed, bringing up her shotgun and blowing the closet Geth off its feet. Kaidan shoved Liara behind the closest crate, crouching over her and shielding the two of tem with his biotics, while laying cover fire for her and Garrus as they took out the Geth quickly.

Shepard stepped out of cover to get a clear shot at a Geth that was trying to circle around behind Garrus when she heard Kaidan shout "Shepard, look out!"

She had just started to turn when the Krogan charged into her at full speed. The immensity of his size and the speed he was going when he crashed into gave her shields no chance. She flew backwards and smashed into the ground, bouncing and skidding until she crashed into a pillar and stopped. There were spots dancing in front of her eyes, and her ears rang.

She saw the Krogan advancing and tried to bring up her shotgun. She fumbled slightly, her shoulder was dislocated. Her fumble cost her. The Krogan reached down and grabbed her by the throat, lifting her off the ground.

She saw Garrus lining up a shot, and Kaidan stepping out of cover, heavy pistol raised. They shot together, and the Krogan grunted but didn't go down.

Shepard couldn't breathe and knew she was close to passing out when she remembered the knife Anderson had given her when she was made XO. A Talon, 7 inches of serrated wickedness.

The Krogan brought her in close to his face, and laughed softly as he squeezed the life from her. She raised the knife and jammed it into his eye as hard as she could. He howled with pain and let her go.

She crumpled to the ground, coughing savagely while her vision blurred. Garrus emptied his assault rifle into the Krogan until he knew he was dead. She was heaving and sucking as much air into her lungs as possible when a huge chunk of the roof crashed down onto the platform and she knew their time was up.

She pushed herself to her feet and yelled hoarsely at Kaidan to grab Liara, who was in shock and still cowering behind the crate where he had left her. They took off running, Shepard's chest burning as she tried to suck air in through her bruised throat.

dodging huge pieces of rock they made it out of the tunnel just as Joker lowered the Normandy's ramp. They flung themselves aboard and he took off, snarking at her through the comm about how they Normandy's hull was not meant to land in active volcanoes.

Shepard's throat was on fire, and she could hear the wheeze in her breath. Kaidan was looking at her with concern, but she hauled herself to her feet and waved him away. She would deal with her neck later.

She knew she needed to get Liara briefed, and headed with the team to the comm room.

She brought Liara up to speed on everything they knew about Saren so far, and when she talked about the Prothean Beacon, Liara's whole demeanor changed.

She talked rapidly peppered her with questions. Shepard was a bit overwhelmed by her sudden exuberance. Liara convinced Shepard to mind meld with her, so that Liara could try and help her make sense of the Visions. Liara stepped close to her, and brought her hands to either side of Shepard's face. Asari had the ability to join other being's consciousness. They could read memories this way, and it was also how they mated.

Shepard was extremely nervous. Kaidan looked worried as well, and was sending concerned glances between her and Liara, as though he wanted to speak out against the melding.

This close she could see that Liara's blue skin was textured, almost like tiny pebbles, covering the surface of her skin, and her eyes were a very vibrant shade of blue. The Doctor had an almost ethereal beauty. Shepard was not attracted to women, but there was something about the Asari that was captivating, and she definitely felt a small stirring of attraction.

"Prepare to embrace eternity" Liara said, and her eyes went black.

The pain tore through Shepard's mind when the connection was made. The images flashed through her brain, as horrific as before, but somehow worse, because now they were clearer. It seemed to go on forever, making her muscles shriek in protest as her every nerve was telling her to get away.

The connection broke abruptly and Liara stepped away, swaying.

Shepard wobbled, and leaned against the console behind her. Kaidan took a half step towards her, resting his hand against her shoulder. She leaned into his hand for a brief moment, then straightened, clenching her teeth against the pounding headache that sprang to life in her temples. He stepped back towards Garrus, releasing her shoulder.

Liara asked to be excused stating the joining was exhausting for her, and Shepard made no protest, dismissing the others as well.

Her arm was still hanging limply from her dislocated shoulder, her throat burned and now she had a blistering headache. She was frustrated that they were no farther along than they were before and now she had to go and see Dr. Chakwas. Her shoulder slumped and her eyes closed as they days events washed over her. She stood silently, working up the energy to leave the room.

00oo00oo00

Kaidan stood watching Shepard.

She looked like hell, and he knew she didn't realize he was still there.

She let out a huge sigh and turned to leave, then froze when she saw him still standing there.

He walked slowly towards her, letting his eyes roam over her form, taking in what was obviously a dislocated shoulder, and the raw slowly purpling bruise coming in on her throat. Her pupils were small, and she had a little wrinkle between her eyebrows and he knew she must be fighting a hell of a headache.

His heart lurched as he realized how worried for her he was. Rationally he knew she would be fine, she was soldier, she had been through much, much worse, but he still couldn't shake the desire to take her in his arms and soothe her hurts.

He settled for reaching out and taking her good arm, and escorting her down to see Chakwas.

She held herself stiffly at first, but after a few steps she started to use the supporting arm he offered her. She stumbled from exhaustion once they were through the threshold of the med bay.

Dr. Chakwas rushed up and started clucking over her like a mother hen and he stepped away, leaving her in what he knew were capable hands.

She looked up just as he looked back from the door way and mouthed "Thank you." He smiled at her, and headed for the showers.

The hot water beat down on his shoulders, releasing stress and soothing the tension in his muscles from the fire fight with the mercs and the Krogan. He couldn't get the vision of Shepard being bowled over by that Krogan out of his head.

He saw her skidding and rolling over the ground to smash into the pillar over, and over in his mind whenever he closed his eyes. He remembered the way his heart had felt like it was stuck in his throat when it had lifted her slowly towards its face, giant armored hand grasped tight around her neck, choking the life out of her while he was too far away to stop it.

He turned off the spray and decided to head to the Mess and make a cup of tea, it was 2:00 am and there was no point trying to sleep if nightmares were all he had to look forward to.

He walked past the med bay window, and saw that Chakwas had made Shepard sleep there for the night. "Shit, she must have been worse off than I thought if she let Chakwas keep her in there" He murmured to himself. He realized he was just standing at the window, watching her sleep, so he tore himself away and busied himself making a cup of tea.

He heard the soft swoosh of the elevator door, and looked around to see Garrus entering the Mess.

"Can't sleep Garrus? The waters hot if you want a cup of tea." Kaidan offered.

Garrus stood there, eyeing him with a slightly calculating look in his eye, then nodded, pulling out a chair. Kaidan grabbed a bag of the dextro tea they kept stocked for Garrus and Tali and added water to it, setting it on the table in front of Garrus, then took a seat in the chair across from him.

The two men sat silently for a while, just sipping the tea, listening to the hum of the ship around them. Garrus looked at him and opened his mouth slightly, as though to say something, then looked down again with what could only be described a frown.

Kaidan, wondering if he wanted to ask a question about humans, and was unsure if it would be rude, said "Garrus, it's just us, say whatever it is you want to say."

Garrus looked up at him again and said "Well… I was curious about the regulations on a human ship. They seem to be much more lenient than on a Turian vessel."

Kaidan leaned forward slightly, resting his elbows on the table. "What do you mean, how is it different?"

"The Commander on a Turian ship never socializes with the crew, and certainly doesn't make rounds taking the time to talk to everyone, even those far below them in rank, for one thing" Garrus said, sipping his tea.

Kaidan chuckled a bit and replied "Well, that isn't true for most Captains in the Alliance. Shepard is… Unique. She wants to take the time to get to know her crew members, not just what it says in their dossiers. She likes to have a team of individuals that work well together, and needs to know more than what's on paper can tell her, otherwise we would be the same as any alliance crew."

Garrus looked at him thoughtfully and said "She talks to Wrex, Tali and I as regularly as she does the human crew members, and defended us to XO Pressly when he raised concerns about us to her. She has never treated us any differently, and in fact, I would say she speaks to us more than the other members of the crew, with the exception of you of course."

Kaidan felt his mouth open in shock. _Garrus thought Shepard talked to him the most of anyone?_ He was thinking of a how to reply when Garrus added "Officers and subordinates could never have a relationship on a Turian vessel, it just isn't done, outside of sparring and tension release"

His mind was reeling. _Garrus thinks Shepard and I are lovers!_ Garrus was looking at him with concern. He had been sitting there mouth agape, slowly turning red for god knows how long.

He quickly stammered out a reply. "Whoa Garrus, Shepard and I aren't a couple. The Alliance does have Regs against fraternization. Why did you think we were?"

"Really? My mistake." Garrus apologized, his dual tones voice humming thoughtfully. "The way you look at each other, and are hyper aware of each other during battle. How your hearts beat faster when you are close... it made me think you were together."

"Holy shit, you can hear our heart's beat? That's crazy! No wonder Turian's are such good cops." Kaidan said, desperately grasping at something to change the topic of the conversation.

The fact that the Turian could actually _hear_ how attracted he was to Shepard was totally weirding him out.

Then what Garrus had actually said sunk into Kaidans head " _…The way you look at each other … how your hearts beat faster when you are close…"_

An emotion filled Kaidan, it was something he hadn't really experienced before. _Shepard's heart beat faster when she was close to him too?_


	6. Chapter 6

Authors Note: made some changes to this chapter, to bring it up to standard with the rest of them, ow that I have a Beat reader to go through and give me pointers. Hope it flows better now!

I hope people are enjoying the story. I have had any messages or review yet that I know of, so please feel free to comment. Some light swearing in this chapter

This is a Fan Fiction. All Themes and Characters belong to Bioware. No Copy-write infringement intended.

Chapter Six

Shepard's voice was back to normal, but her shoulder still twanged a bit when she made sudden moves, and with Noveria only 18 hours away, she decided to head down to the cargo bay and work it out. It was still early, only 3:00am, and Shepard had almost two hours until the rest of the crew would be up.

She preferred working out on her own, as what she did to keep herself in top condition was… unique compared to most Alliance soldiers.

She stepped off of the elevator into the cool, dark cargo bay, and headed for the stereo. She turned it on a low volume, and snuck in her chit with her favorite "mouldy oldies" as her mother had called them.

She took a deep breath, and started into her movements. They were designed to increase her balance and reflex time, while building her stamina so she could hold herself perfectly still, while still supporting the weight of her weapon, like in her days on the sniper team. She was an average height for a woman, about 5'8", but had a small frame, she was quite slender.

Most people looked at her and took this to be a disadvantage. Shepard had learned quickly, the weaker they think you are, the better chance you have to catch them off guard. She had worked tirelessly from the time she joined the Alliance at 18 to prove people wrong in their misconceptions of her, and for the most part she had.

When she started the N7 program, she had been fresh off of her "victory" on Elysium.

She had been withdrawn, and antisocial. Her release had been to head down and hit the weights in the early mornings before shift change.

She had been doing it for about 6 weeks when she met Wallace. He started to come down at the same time as her, and would do these… poses. Like a dance almost. They worked down there at the same time for four days before they spoke. She remembered it clearly.

00oo00oo00

"You know, for someone built the way you are, weights are not going to get to where you need to be." Wallace stated, startling Shepard enough the bar clanged back into the bracket.

"Oh? And how would _you_ know where I need to be?" Shepard sneered at him, heat in her face.

He motioned her to get up, and Shepard saw the stripes on his collar, and cursed inwardly as she noticed he was wearing the N7 logo. She stood, and he eyed her appraisingly, walking around her in a slow circle.

"You have a petite frame, but I bet your quick, and I've seen you have good stamina." He stated, cocking an eyebrow.

She struggled with her temper, it was always right at the surface these days, and replied "Yes, I'm top in my division for hand to hand and obstacle negotiation."

He nodded "Then what you need is a routine that will play to those strengths, and help you build them. Weights will just create bulk, when you need to train your muscles to support you in utter stillness that transitions into quick movements with no delay."

She just stared at him. Who the hell did he think he was to just waltz in here and tell her that what she was doing was wrong, and she should do what he told her to do? "I suppose this is where you tell me you'll be my teacher, and in return we get all naked and sweaty in the showers after sessions? Well thanks, but no thanks, _Sir._ "

Quicker than thought his hand snaked out and grabbed her collar, and he hauled her right up into his face.

"You better drop that attitude right now soldier!" He snapped at her. "I have been watching your training, and I think you have more potential in your little finger than most N recruits have after years of training. I understand that you are working through some shit, but if you let the opportunity to come out number one in the program slip by because you can't get out of your head, I will hunt you down and kick your ass through this galaxy. Do you understand me, recruit?"

Shepard stared at him, fury blazing in her green eyes. She nodded and he set her down.

"Let's try this again. I'm Major Wallace, and I am in charge of placement for those who complete the N7 program. I believe you have what it takes Shepard, and I want to teach you how to be the best soldier you can be. Will you let me?"

She let out a pent up breathe, and relaxed her shoulders. "Sir, yes sir." She said, and gave him a mock salute.

"When we are in private, leave that sir shit behind, I am Wallace and you are Shepard, and I am going to teach you the meaning of quick reflexes."

00oo00oo00

Shepard grinned to herself as she put herself through the movements, and decided when she was done, she would fire a quick message off to Wallace. She hadn't talked to the old bastard in months. She made herself clear her mind, and focus on what she was doing. Twenty minutes later she was so focused on holding the pose that she didn't notice Garrus step off the elevator, then lean against the Mako to watch her.

She came out of the pose in an explosion of movement. She rolled to the edge of the mat and grabbed the empty pistol she placed there earlier, then put herself through a series of acrobatics, rolling and flipped to various points in the hold, with no pauses.

It should have looked sporadic, but each movement flowed into the next, and she was a blur of speed and agility. She sprang up from her back onto her feet with the pistol held steady in front of her, and in that instant saw Garrus against the Mako, watching her.

"Maker Shepard, remind me not to sneak up on you in a dark alley." Garrus drawled at her, chuckling.

She let out a full blown belly laugh, and leaned next to him. "God Garrus, how long were you there?"

"Long enough to see that you're a bad ass. How did you get so fast? I have only seen Drell move like that."

She grinned at him and winked. "I'll tell you the story sometime Garrus, over drinks… lots of drinks." She laughed and headed back to her cabin to hit the showers.

00oo00oo00

Noveria was freezing. A giant ice ball of a planet.

She had Kaidan and Liara with her, and after getting them through reception, she was getting the run around. The workers told her that Matriarch Benezia was indeed on Noveria, but had taken off to Peak 15, a lab farther along up in the mountains.

Shepard uncovered that Saren and Benezia were investors in Binary Helix, a leading company in the fields of genetic engineering and biotechnology, and that the company had a significant presence on Noveria.

Shepard returned to the receptionist and grilled her about getting to peak 15, and was told that the lab had issued a Code Omega signal, stating there are critical problems, and was cut off from communications due to a blizzard.

Shepard was getting more and more frustrated by the delays, and got the receptionist to direct her to Administrator Anoleis, to get a garage pass for a Mako.

He was useless, and after more wasted time running around, Shepard got evidence that he was embezzling funds, and got her pass.

They entered the hanger to get the Mako and discovered it was full of Geth. By now Shepard's temper was being kept in line by a thread, and she had Liara and Kaidan tear them apart with biotics while she blasted any that got close with her shotgun. By the time they got into the Mako to head out into the blizzard, Shepard was grinning. Nothing like a shotgun blast to an enemies face to lighten the mood.

There were Geth all along the causeway on the route to peak 15, but the Mako was equipped with heavy guns, and they made short work of them. Kaidan and Liara made some small talk about biotics during the drive, and Liara, curious as ever was quizzing Kaidan about his implant. Asari were natural biotics and she was curious to understand the differences and limitations between them.

"OK you two, we've reached the hangar. Stay sharp." Shepard said, stopping the Mako and hopping down.

She took point with Kaidan and Liara on either side of her, and they headed into the facility. There were Geth everywhere, and it was a tough fight to get through the first wave and head down a level. The cleared a room full of snow of Geth and were heading up a level when a monstrous insectoid attacked them. It had long flailing limbs with wicked spines, and Liara got one through her upper arm before they could back away. Kaidan blasted it with a pulse, and Shepard emptied her assault rifle into it until it dropped.

Liara applied medi gel to her wound, and assured them she was fine. Kaidan shushed the Asari and examined her anyway. Shepard decided she had never fully appreciated what having a trained field medic was like for her missions. It was hugely reassuring that there was actaully someone who knew what he was doing to help with the injuries that invariably occurred when she did Missions.

They examined the corpse of the bug creature. "This is getting better and better, first Geth, and now spider monsters" Kaidan muttered, probably thinking no one could hear him. "Shepard nudged him with her elbow, grinned at him and said "C'mon Alenko, this just means it's fun!" She laughed wickedly and she continued on, ignoring the slightly scandalized look her shot her.

They made it into a room that had tubes branching off in several directions and Shepard could hear a soft voice coming from the very back. They headed over to investigate and discovered the stations V.I.

It told them they had to reconnect the landlines to get the trams to other parts of the station operating again. They headed up to the roof as the V.I directed and got the connection re-established. Then headed back down to the V.I for more information.

It told them that the main fuel lines to the core reactor were down and needed to be repaired before they could proceed, so they headed off and dealt with that as well, Shepard grumbling about wasted time and energy the whole time.

Shepard stomped back over to the V.I. and was told that they could proceed now, but the tram tunnel was filled with contaminants that would need to be dealt with before heading to the next station. Shepard sighed, resigned to the fact that nothing about this mission was going to be straight forward, and headed through the tunnel.

She made it to the blockage, and got Kaidan to repair the plasma vent and they watched the bugs burn. Yet another point for the capable Lieutenant. A medic and a tech nerd. _Hot and useful, what a combination._

They hopped on the tram and headed off to rift station. Finally.

00oo00oo00

After much running around, they cured a bunch of people who got contaminated by a bio-weapon, learned that the creepy insectoids attacking them were Rachni- _thousands of years extinct Rachni for fuck's sake_ \- took out a dirty Asari Geneticist, and had to kill a bunch of commandos working for Benezia.

Shepard, Kaidan and Liara were finally on the elevator down to the hot labs to deal with Benezia. They had been on Noveria for almost 10 hours, and they were all exhausted.

They stepped off the elevator and upon entering the lab, Benezia immediately stepped forward and confronted "You do not know the privilege of being a Mother. There is power in creation. To shape a life. Turn it towards happiness or despair."

Shepard's skin broke out in goose bumps. The Matriarchs voice was eerie, with an odd tone. She looked at Liara, who looked stricken, like someone had sucker punched her in the stomach.

Benezia continued "Her children were to be ours. Raised to hunt and slay Sarens enemies." Benezia had turned and was looking at a huge Rachni in a tube behind her. She turned and walked towards them, turning her head slowly until she was looking directly at Liara. "I won't be moved by sympathies. No matter who you bring into this confrontation."

Shepard Stepped forward, blocking Liara slightly from Benezia, trying to shield her from the cold words pouring from the Asari's mouth. "Liara is here because she wants to be. Not because I asked her to." Shepard replied.

The Matriarchs cold eyes turned to Shepard briefly, then shifted back to Liara. "Indeed. What have you told her about me Liara?" She asked.

"What could I say mother? That you're insane? Evil? Should I explain how to kill you? What could I say? Liara's voice broke slightly, and Shepard wished she could squeeze her hand to offer a show of support. She didn't dare however, she kept all her attention focused on Benezia, watching her like a snake watches a mouse.

Benezia dismissed Liara completely, turning her attention back to Shepard. She smiled slightly and said "Have you faced an Asari commando unit before? Few humans have."

Shepard looked at her in disbelief. Rage started to fill her, making her throat tight, and her blood hum through her veins. "I can't believe you'd kill your own daughter." She said tightly.

Benezia glanced at Liara again, and said "I now realize I should have been stricter with her." She crouched down and hit Shepard with a stasis field. Shepard couldn't move at all, and could only watch as Asari Commando's poured into the room from every direction and Benezia strolled away towards the tube holding the giant Rachni.

The field holding her abruptly released as Kaidan sent a direct attack to Benezia, making her scurry for cover. Shepard dove behind a canister as the Commando's opened fire, attacking with biotic's and heavy weapons.

The battle was intense, the biotic's used by the commandos ripped down their shields and they were forced to give ground continually. Kaidan stayed close to Liara, who was powerful with her biotics, but was woefully inexperienced in weaponized combat.

Shepard was trying to flank two commandos that had Kaidan and Liara pinned down behind some crates when a powerful blast took down her shields and she fell heavily onto her face.

Her cheek hit the grated floor heavily and split, blood streaming down her face. She rolled onto her back, weapon raised to defend herself when she saw the red dot from the Geth sniper above her painted her chest.

Her shields hadn't recharged, and she had barely begin to roll when the shot slammed into her armour, and the bullet ripped deep into her side. She screeched as she continued to roll on the tortured flesh until she was behind a crate, then she lay still for a moment panting heavily. She grabbed a medi gel and squeezed it it on the wound through the gaping hole in her armour. She left her face for the moment, it wasn't obstructing her vision, so it could be dealt with later.

She reached around behind and felt for the exit wound… there wasn't one. Shit, she hated surgery. The medi gel dulled the pain from a roar to a throb, and she grabbed her assault rifle and dove back into the fray.

With the last Commando down, the three of them headed up to the platform that Benezia was on. She was crouched at the very back, close to the tube.

"This is not over. Saren is unstoppable. My mind is filled with his light. Everything is clear." Benezia said fanatically.

Shepard snorted "The Rachni didn't cooperate with you. Why should I?"

Benezia seemed to struggle with herself for a moment. "I will not betray him. You will…you…" She trailed off shaking her head as though confused. She whirled around and looked at Liara, her face was desperate, and her voice sounded different "You must listen! Saren still whispers in my mind. I can fight his compulsions. Briefly. But the indoctrination is strong."

Liara started forward instantly but Shepard stepped in front of her, stopping her from approaching Benezia asking "Why are you able the break free of his control now?"

Benezia replied without hesitation. "I sealed a part of my mind away from the indoctrination. Saving it for a moment when I could help destroy him. It will not last long."

Shepard was still skeptical, but there was a ring of truth to the Asari's words. "So you could still turn on me again."

"Yes." Benezia replied "But it would not be my will, Shepard. People are not themselves around Saren. You come to idolize him. Worship him. You would do anything for him. The key is Sovereign, his flagship. It is a dreadnought of incredible size and its power is extraordinary."

The image of the immense Squid like ship descending on Eden Prime flashed through Shepard's mind. "Sovereign is not like other ships. Where did it come from?"

Benezia paused slightly "I cannot say. The Geth did not build it. It is a technology far more advanced than that of any known species. The longer you stay aboard, the more Sarens will becomes correct. You sit at his feet and smile as his words pour into you. It is subtle at first. I thought I was strong enough to resist. Instead, I became a willing tool, eager to serve."

Her voice started to break, her head drooped slightly. Shepard felt Liara tense beside him. Benezia continued, sounding weary. "He sent me here to find the location of the Mu Relay. Its position was lost thousands of years ago."

"How does something that big just go missing?" Shepard's brow furrowed in confusion.

Benezia straightened her shoulders, seeming to bolster herself to continue. "Four thousand years ago, a star nearby went supernova. The shockwave propelled the relay out of its system, but did not damage it. Its precise vector and speed are impossible to determine. As millennia passed, the nebula created by the nova enveloped the relay. It is difficult to find a cold object in interstellar space. Particularly something swathed in hot dust and radiation."

The pieces were starting to fall together.

Shepard's face and side were throbbing painfully, and she cursed inwardly as she heard the soft drip, drip, drip, onto the floor at her feet and realized the wound in her side couldn't be improved with more Medi Gel.

She knew Kaidan could hear it because he was looking subtly around, trying to locate the source. She shifted her stance, hoping to block his view from the splatter on the floor.

"Someone on Noveria found it?" She asked Benezia.

The Matriarch was swaying slightly side to side now, and Shepard knew it must be getting harder for her to continue giving them the information Saren desperately didn't want them to have.

"Two thousand years ago, the Rachni inhabited that region of our Galaxy. They discovered the relay. The Rachni can share memories across generations. Queens inherit the knowledge of their mothers. I took the location of the relay from the Queen's mind. I was not gentle" Benezia looked down, and shame flooded her face.

Liara made a soft noise, and shifted behind Shepard, but made no move to push past her towards her mother.

"How did the Rachni find it?" Shepard asked her.

"They searched, patiently. They are territorial creatures, driven to close any possible way into the systems." Benezia said. Shepard didn't know how much time they had left, the Matriarch was shivering, and seemed so come in and out of focus.

"Why does Saren need the Mu relay?" Shepard asked bluntly.

Benezia replied in a rush, forcing the words out. "He believes it will lead him to the conduit. I would tell you more if I could, but Saren did not share his counsel with me. I was merely a servant to his cause." Shepard believed Benezia that she was a tool, indoctrinated against her will to serve Sarens twisted plans.

Shepard said softly "You can still make it right. Give me the information."

Benezia stood straighter "I was not myself, but … I should have been stronger". She walked towards them, reaching out to Shepard. Kaidan tensed beside her, but didn't move. "I transcribed the date to an OSD. Take it. Please." Her voice was urgent, and her hand shook as Shepard took the drive from her.

Liara took a step forward "Knowing the relay's coordinates is not enough. Do you know where he planned to go from there?" She asked her Mother softly.

Benezia looked at her daughter and shook her head slowly. "Saren wouldn't tell me his destination. But you must find out quickly. I transmitted the coordinates to him before you arrived." Benezia shuddered, and cried out "You have to stop… me. I can't… His teeth are at my ear. Fingers on my spine. You should… Uhh … you should go!"

Benezia staggered away from them clutching her head, Liara started to run forward "Mother! I … Don't leave! Fight him!" She cried.

Benezia looked at Liara and a ghost of a smile crossed her face "You've always made me proud Liara." Liara sobbed and took another step forward. Benezia snapped straight and screamed "Die!"

Shepard shoved Liara out of the way as Benezia unleashed a huge biotic attack where Liara had been standing, Shepard had no choice but to blast her with the assault rifle until the blue glow faded from her and she slumped to the ground.

"I cannot go on. You will have to stop him Shepard." Benezia gasped, Blue blood trickling from the corner of her mouth.

Benezia pulled herself to her feet as Shepard said "We've got medi gel. Maybe we can…"

"No!" Benezia cut her off with a cough. "He is still in my mind. I am not entirely myself. I will never be again."

Benezia leaned against the Rachni tube, her eyes glazed.

"Mother!" Liara cried, rushing to her side as she slid down the tube.

Benezia looked at her daughter "Good night Little Wing. I will see you again with the dawn." Benezia sighed and said softly "No light? They always said there'd be …" The Matriarch was gone.

Kaidan crouched down and placed his hand on Liara's shoulder to comfort her. Shepard let the pain and rage wash over her.

Saren would pay in blood for the suffering he caused. She ground her teeth and stepped towards Kaidan and Liara. She glanced at the Tube with the Rachni queen, putting her hand on the glass and leaning close, inspecting the creature in the tube. She couldn't look at Liara and Benezia.

There were too many painful memories threatening to bury her already, from when she had watched her own mother violently die.

A star shaped tentacle suddenly slammed into the glass where her hand was, and she jumped back with a yell. Kaidan spun and had his gun out, and Liara shrieked and jumped.

A dead Asari was slowly moving past Shepard towards the tank with the Rachni Queen. She held a warning hand to Kaidan, waiting to see what the hell was going on.

A voice came from the dead Commando, a voice that seemed to echo and whisper in her mind.

"This one. Serves as our voice. We cannot sing. Not in these low spaces. Your music's are colourless."

Shepard was confused by the stilted speech. "Music's? What?"

The strange voice continued to come out of the dead commando. "Your way of communicating is strange. Flat. It does not color the air. When we speak, one moves all."

 _What. The. Fuck_. Shepard thought. _Our_ way of communicating is strange? This thing is using a _dead body_ to talk to me!

The Queen continued. "We are the Mother. We sing for those left behind. The children you thought silenced. We are Rachni"

Shepard walked close to the glass, not looking at the body beside her. "How are you speaking through her?"

"Our kind sing through touching's of thought. We pluck the strings, and the other understands. She is weak to urging. She has colours we have no names for. But she is ending. Her music is bittersweet. It is beautiful… The children we birthed were taken from us before they could learn to sing. They are lost to silence. End their suffering. They cannot be saved. They will only cause harm as they are."

Shepard looked at Liara, who nodded slightly, tears still shining in her eyes. "If you're sure they can't be saved." Shepard replied.

"It is lamentable. But necessary. Do what you must. Before you deal with our children, we stand before you. What will you sing? Will you release us? Are we to fade away once more?" The queen asked.

Kaidan stepped close to Shepard and said quietly" Look. Those tanks? Acid. Strong enough to kill anything, no matter its biology. They wouldn't have installed it if they weren't afraid of the consequence of her getting loose."

Liara stepped forward and said quickly "They made a mistake. They let the Krogan go too far. This is a chance for us to atone. She has done nothing to us."

"Your companions hear the truth. You have the power to free us, or return our people to the silence of memory." The queen said softly.

Shepard crossed her arms and looked down. It was a heavy decision, and she didn't want to make it lightly. The blood from the wound in her side was running freely down her leg, and had filled her boot, leaving a puddle forming under it. As she looked at the blood, and thought of all the horrors she had seen today, she knew what she had to do.

"I won't destroy your entire race. You'll go free." Even though she was speaking through a dead Asari, Shepard could hear the shock in the Queens voice.

"You will give us the chance to compose anew? We will remember. We will sing of your forgiveness to our children."

Shepard stepped up to the console, and knew Kaidan had finally noticed the pool of blood where she had been standing by his sharp intake of breath and soft curse. She punched in the code; the tube raised and the Rachni queen was free.

Shepard turned on her heel and headed for the exit. She wanted to get the hell out of here as fast as she could. They needed to figure out what to do with Benezia's body, and she knew she needed to get her side looked at as she was starting to feel light headed and wanted to be back on the ship before she passed out.

They hurried back through the labs and came across a man who seemed to be a bit delirious. He explained that facility could undergo a neutron purge and it would kill everything on the station.

Shepard had looked at Liara, hoping she understood that this meant they would not be able to recover her mother's body for a proper burial.

"What's back there is no longer my mother Shepard. I can honor her another way."

Shepard nodded to her, proud of how well Liara was holding together.

She turned to get the code from the man when a lone Rachni burst from the floor and speared him through the chest, killing him instantly. Kaidan blasted it with his heavy pistol, and Shepard recovered the code from the body.

So much death in one day. Saren would pay. They were all emotionally drained and just wanted to get the hell off Noveria.

Shepard activated the code with the station VI, and they got on the elevator. They were almost to the top when the labs blew up beneath them.

Shepard looked at Kaidan, vision going spotty, and said "Hey Kaidan, care to help a girl out?"

She reached out to grasp his arm for support, but ended up going wide and nearly falling. He ducked down and grabbed her under her knees, lifting her.

"God Shepard!" His voice was harsh with worry, and she vaguely heard Liara gasp "By the Goddess!"

She felt dizzy and knew she was going to pass out. She looked into his amber colored eyes, they were filled with worry. _God his eyes... I could drown in them._

"Thanks for the lift Alenko" She grinned at him, then faded into the blessed darkness.


	7. Chapter 7

Author's note: Thank you to all the readers following along with my story! I have had a few people leave reviews, so thank you very much. I will do my very best to reply to all reviews, as I cannot express how much it means to me to get feedback. I hope you enjoy this chapter, I debated long and hard on whether I should do the last couple paragraphs the way I did,but in the end, it was just what the Shepard and Kaidan demanded.

For all those who love Drunk Shepard, this one is for you!

Enjoy, and as ever, Bioware rules, no copy write infringement intended

Chapter Seven

"C'mon Chakwas! It's been 4 days. I need to get out of this room! I am going cabin crazy here!" Shepard pleaded with Dr. Chakwas, who stood staring back at her unflinchingly.

"We reach the citadel tomorrow afternoon, and it would be really nice to tell the crew personally that we get 48 hours shore leave… you know in case anyone wants to make plans…" Shepard eyed the doctor speculatively, she had definitely perked up when shore leave was mentioned.

Chakwas gave her the once over. "Well the temporary cybernetics are working very quickly, you're mostly healed… However," Chakwas said, fixing her with a gimlet eye "you are to take it easy. No sparring, and for god's sake Shepard, no fire fights in the wards!" The Doctor let a smile creep onto her face. "You're free to go talk to the crew."

With a whoop, Shepard got up off the bed and ran towards her cabin.

After a long hot shower, and a fresh change of clothes, Shepard checked her messages. A grin split her face when she saw she had a reply from Wallace. He was on the citadel, in a dry dock for the next 2 weeks.

She fired off a quick reply, telling him to pick the place and they would meet up when the Normandy arrived tomorrow. She grabbed the data pad with the details for which dock they needed to be at to get the supplies and retrofits completed, and headed out to round with the crew and tell them the good news.

00oo00oo00

Kaidan smiled as he saw Shepard headed for the elevator. Chakwas must have given her the all clear judging by the grin on her face. He knew she would be rounding with the crew, and he wasn't the only one who had sorely missed their daily chat with the Commander.

He knew it would be awhile until she made her way up to where he was, so he headed up to the bridge to shoot the shit with Joker for a bit.

"Hey Kaidan, you in for Chora's Den tomorrow? Wrex and Garrus and I are going for a drink, then going to find a card game somewhere. I don't know why the hell Wrex wants a card game, but whatever." Joker jabbered excitedly.

"We are going to be at the Citadel overnight?" Kaidan asked, eyebrow raised.

"Yeah baby!" Joker crowed "Shore leave for 48 hours Shepard said. I thinks she's going around telling the crew now. Man, after everything we've been through over the last couple months, and Liara's mother and all… It'll be good for everyone to have a chance to blow off steam."

"Yeah, it was really rough for Liara on Noveria. Have you heard what her plans are?" Kaidan asked Joker, worried about the Asari Doctor.

"Yeah, she is meeting up with a group of girls she used to work with I think." Joker replied.

"Well that's good, it would be awful for her to be alone." Kaidan said, his face showing the hurt he felt for their Asari teammate.

Joker's eyebrows raised and his grinned mischievously at Kaidan. "Oh Ho! Someone's got a sweet spot for our resident Prothean expert!" Joker needled him.

Kaidan blushed and said "What? No! Liara is not my type. I'm more into someone like… never mind" he cleared his throat and headed back to his post.

"Humph, I'll bet you are." Joker said, a sly grin on his face, as Kaidan walked away.

00oo00oo00

"Hey Chief, You got a few minutes to talk? One on one?" Shepard asked Ashley.

"Sure! I was just watching some mail from home." Ash gestured behind her and Shepard could hear a girl's voice saying " _Oh, before I go. We saw Kaidan in a news vid about the Normandy…He's cute! Later sis._ "

Shepard cocked a hip and raised an eyebrow at Ash, and hoped from the outside she looked like she didn't care.

Inside was a different story. A green monster was roaring inside her head, and Shepard was holding tight to its leash so it couldn't get loose and smack the Chief around until she wasn't quite so pretty. He isn't mine to be jealous of, Shepard scolded the Monster, until it subsided to a grumbling mess in the back of her mind.

Ashley was bright red, and laughed nervously."Let's pretend this never happened…"

"Are you interested in the Lieutenant Chief?" Shepard asked her before she could stop herself.

"No Ma'am!" Ash answered quickly, adding "And anyway, Scuttlebutt says he's already sweet on someone"

Was Shepard imagining it, or had Ashley inclined her head at her when she said that. Either way, Shepard thought it was safer to change the subject. They chatted for a few more minutes, Ashley was messaging some marines she had gone through Base with to see if they wanted to catch up at the Alliance bar on the citadel. Ash asked if Shepard wanted to join, but she said she was meeting up with a friend, and thanked her for the offer.

She touched base with Wrex and Garrus, laughing at their plans to go play cards, and headed for the elevator.

She wanted to chat with Kaidan. Let him know about shore leave, and put out a couple more feelers on how he felt about her. Their last conversation had gone much better than she hoped, and she was looking forward to hearing more about him.

He was standing in his usual spot working on a seemingly always glitchy console, and had rolled up his sleeves. Man, he had himself a set of pipes, she sighed dreamily.

He turned when he saw her approaching and smiled at her, waving her forward. "Do you have some time to talk now Commander?" He asked, wiping his hands with a rag and leaning a hip on the counter.

Shepard smiled back, she was glad that he seemed as happy as herself to continue their conversation.

"Let's hear it Lieutenant. I'm always open to my officers." _Well shit, that didn't come out all warm and flirty how I wanted… it was too_ ' _business as usual'_. She gritted her teeth and resolved to do better.

Kaidan looked fairly serious. "We've played it pretty close to the book so far, but were a long way from back up. We've got some tough calls to make." He stepped a bit closer and lowered his voice a bit "I'm just saying, you've got to leave yourself a way out. I've seen what cutting corners can do, and I would hate to see that happen to you, Shepard."

He used my name, not Commander! The Green Monster and the Girlish voice were doing a victory dance in her mind. She squashed them savagely back into their boxes. Kaidan was sounding serious, now was not the time to indulge in victory dances, even if they were in her mind.

"Is this a personal observation Kaidan?" She asked softly.

He looked uncomfortable, and ran a hand across the back of his neck "I uhh… I don't want to step on anyone else's toes. Especially if you uhh… If… I have misread your interests."

 _Holy Shit! He is feeling me out! Making sure I am not interested in anyone else!_

She couldn't stop the small smile that crept onto her face. "Someone? Ahh, you're referring to our young Prothean expert."

Kaidan laughed sheepishly, and there was a smile on his face when he said "I think she is older than both of us put together, but, yeah." He paused, then seemed to gather himself up and looked right at her when he added "There's a lower deck rumor that she's, umm, interested in you… as more than a source of Prothean data. She's a very interesting lady. Not to my, uh, tastes, but uh, I never claimed to be big on alien culture" He rushed the last bit out, and there was definitely some pink on his cheeks now.

Shepard raised an eyebrow at him "You seem awfully worried about my personal affairs." Shepard teased him, She thought the way he stammered was adorable.

He hunched his shoulders slightly and said "It's just that we don't have much down time these days, I like being around you, but I… I don't want to take up your personal time."

Shepard was touched. Here he was, admitting he had feelings for her… which let's face it most guys rarely do, let alone marines, and he was worried he was taking up to much of her time. _He is a keeper_ , she thought to herself.

She also needed to kick him into gear a bit, as he had just said, they don't get a lot of down time, so why the hell were they beating around the bush.

"Look, You didn't want to talk about Liara did you. What's your real issue" She asked him bluntly.

He leaned back and eyed her up and down, then straightened his shoulders and replied "Your right. Sorry. It wasn't ah… Liara's not my main concern. I'm not questioning any decision you've made Shepard, let me be clear about that." His face was very serious, and Shepard suddenly thought this wasn't going where she expected it to when she asked what his issue was.

He continued "It's just my experience that once someone lets something slide, it tends to pick up speed. Do you get my meaning?"

His eyes were searching hers, and he looked…sad. "Talk to me Kaidan. You've got a little black rain cloud sitting over your head." She hoped that he wouldn't take offense, and understand she just wanted to be there for him, that he could tell her anything.

He sighed and continued with a small smile. "I'll try to keep the deck dry."

Shepard fought a giggle, then inwardly smacked herself across the face. Commanders didn't giggle.

"You know the records about the biotic training out on Jump Zero? They're all classified. Because the Alliance made mistakes. After first contact, Conatix was set up to track element zero exposures and develop implants for humans. Once we had an embassy on the Citadel, Conatix could bring in _Experts_ instead of taking it slow"

Shepard frowned "Is there some reason we couldn't learn it on our own?"

Kaidan shifted his weight and answered "They didn't know where to start. Hell, it took a couple of years to even link Biotics and Eezo. Forget trying to get the kids to move stuff, they had trouble just helping them not break their own limbs. And their choice of teachers didn't help much." He added sarcastically.

Shepard turned and leaned against the counter. After a moment Kaidan did the same. They were close enough that their shoulders brushed if they moved.

"The only experts would have to be Aliens." Shepard said.

Kaidan smiled, nudging her gently with his elbow, and said "Dead on. Turians actually. That's why Conatix kept it a secret, they were afraid of what people back home could think, asking the Turians for help when we had just fought a war with them."

"The Asari would have been more acceptable that the Turian's." Shepard thought out loud.

Kaidan replied quickly "Yes, but the company didn't go through the Citadel. It would have made earth look weak, so they discreetly hired some Turian mercenaries."

Kaidan sounded bitter, so Shepard tried to keep the conversation a bit lighter. "I'm sure Conatix did what they thought was best…" She trailed off as Kaidan looked at her sharply.

She could see he was filled with frustration. She knew what it was like to have those painful memories, knowing that if just one or two things had been different, the whole outcome may have changed.

"It wasn't best for us. They brought in an ex-military Turian named Commander Vyrnnus. To introduce himself he liked to say _I was at the helm of the dreadnought that killed your father._ I told him my dad wasn't in the war, He'd retired to Vancouver, and my family had an inland home that _matured_ to new beachfront. Vyrnnus had it in for me after that. He cut corners, pushed hard. I mean you either came out a superman, or a wreck. A lot of kids snapped… a few died."

Kaidans brows drew together, and his fists clenched tight to the counter he was leaning against. "The point of all this I guess, is that when you cut corners, it's not always obvious who pays for it."

Shepard placed her hand on top of his, and gave it a light squeeze. He was breathing through his nose, and she knew he was dealing with painful memories. She asked him softly "Why are you telling me this? Is there something I can do to help you get over it?"

He turned his face to look at her, his features tight. "I'm Thirty Two, Shepard. You don't serve as long as I have without coming to terms with yourself. You also learn that if someone is special to you, you help them. Try to keep them from making mistakes."

She realized her hand was still resting on top of his at the same moment he did. He spread his fingers under hers, and she entwined them together with hers. "Special huh…" she said quietly.

He met her eyes and gave her fingers a light squeeze "If I'm out of line, just say the word."

Still looking into his eyes, she said "You're not out of line Kaidan… But there are regs."

He sighed softly. "I get you, Shepard. I don't make a habit of complicating the chain of command. Just think about what I said."

She reluctantly removed her hand, and pushed away from the counter. "Oh, by the way. If you haven't heard we are out for 48 hours shore leave tomorrow, in case you want to make plans with friends." Shepard said, a little nervously.

Kaidan nodded and said "Joker told me, he Garrus and Wrex are heading out together. Cards or something."

Shepard cocked an eyebrow at him "Cards with Wrex?" she asked, skeptically.

Kaidan laughed and put his hands up "I know, I know. It wasn't my idea"

The stood for a moment holding each other's gaze, then Shepard said quietly "If you end up at loose ends feel free to come for a drink with me. I am meeting an old friend at Flux"

Kaidan smiled at her, those whisky eyes flashing. "I'll keep that in mind…Shepard"

00oo00oo00

Kaidan still hadn't made any plans when they docked at the citadel. He saw Joker, Garrus and Wrex leaving the ship, and reminded Garrus to make sure Wrex doesn't accidentally break Joker during the evening's festivities.

Garrus laughed and patted Kaidan on the back, saying "No Promises"

Kaidan headed to the crews quarters and changed into a pair of dark jeans, and a long sleeved V-neck t-shirt.

He knew he was playing with fire, but the thought of being able to spend the whole evening with Shepard, in a casual setting was too good to pass up. He had just headed over to the comm, to ask her if he could still tag along, when he heard the door to her quarters open.

She rounded the corner, and Kaidan felt like he had been hit in the stomach.

She was wearing tight jeans, tucked into her combat boots, with a low cut forest green tank and leather blazer. Her honey colored hair was down, and it fell in a glorious curtain of soft waves to just below her shoulder blades. She had minimal makeup on and with the green of her tank top, her eyes looked spectacular, the bottle green flashing in her face.

She was reaching behind her neck, trying to do up some kind of chain with a medallion pendant. She hadn't noticed him yet.

He swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry as he stepped towards her saying "Here Shepard, let me help you with that."

"Thanks." She smiled at him gratefully and turned her back to him.

His fingers slid along her neck, as he moved her hair off to one side, then took the chain from her fingers. He did up the clasp, and set it gently against the bare skin of her neck. His fingers lingered for a moment, then he cleared his throat and stepped back.

She turned to face him, and he felt his skin heat up when she gave him a slow once over. "Wow Kaidan, you clean up _real_ nice" She wolf-whistled softly, then laughed.

"Did you end up making plans?"

"Actually no. Still cool with your friend if I tag along?" Kaidan asked.

"Most definitely! Maybe with another person there he will go easy on me… Last time he got to pick the drinks, and I refuse to play drinking games with Asari booze. It's my turn to pick our poison tonight, and I want good old tequila or whisky." She grabbed a little satchel off the bench, opened it and put in her credit chit, lipstick, and a knife.

She caught the look he was giving her and waggled the knife at him. "What? A girls got to be prepared!" She grinned and they headed for Flux.

It was only about a 10 minute walk, and they chatted comfortably about their last shore leaves to pass time.

They were getting close to the club when Shepard stood up straight and peered through the crowd waiting to get in.

"Wallace!" She bellowed, and took off at a run.

Kaidan saw a tall, extremely good looking older man turn at the shriek and catch Shepard as she launched herself at him. She was laughing and hugging him as he held her up, feet dangling, while he laughed in return.

Kaidan walked slowly towards them, heart racing and feeling uncharacteristically like punching the handsome red haired man in the face.

Shepard hopped down when he stepped up to them, and said "Kaidan, this is Wallace O'Donnell. We met when I was going through the N7 program. He hooked me up with my first sniper team." Shepard beamed at Wallace when she introduced him.

Wallace eyed him, then stuck out his hand. They shook, and Kaidan tried to stop the thoughts whirling through his head. _Was this her old boyfriend? Had they been lovers? Was he crashing a date?_

He was regretting his choice to come out with her, worrying it was going to be a long awkward night, when Shepard piped up again "And Wallace, this is Kaidan. My right arm man on the Normandy, and most kick ass biotic you'll ever meet." Kaidan laughed, and relaxed.

He smiled at her and said "Right arm man, eh?"

She poked his bicep playfully. "Well yeah, you know me, I always need to make sure I've brought the _big guns_ with me. "

She laughed wickedly and Wallace yelled "Now, who wants to get some drinks!" They went in and got a table.

00oo00oo00

They were five tequila shots deep, and Kaidan was having a blast.

Shepard had told the story of when Kaidan and Wrex were testing out each other's biotic strength, and Kaidan had levitated Wrex over Ash's head until she screamed at them to stop acting like assholes and get back to work. Shepard was laughing and relaxed, and her whole face was lit up.

 _God, she was beautiful_.

Wallace leaned forward and tapped the medallion around Shepard's neck, causing her to squint and look down at it.

"Still got it I see" Wallace said.

Shepard rubbed the medallion between her fingers. "I'll always keep it, Wallace, I only wear it occasionally though, don't want to lose it."

She looked up and caught Kaidan's gaze. His curiosity must have shown on his face because she explained.

"Wallace gave me the medallion the day I beat him in the Speed and Agility tests for N7. He had been the record holder for 6 years." She looked at Wallace and grinned wickedly "I wiped the floor with him, and he gave me the medallion."

She took another shot, the boys followed suit, and the server brought them each another.

Wallace looked at Kaidan and continued the explanation, as Shepard bounced up to head to the ladies room.

"My father gave me the medallion when I beat the records. Said I should have something to represent being the best. Well, when Shepard took me down I wasn't the best anymore. It should be hers. She was so full of anger and resentment, and I wanted to help her channel into something that would help, and not hinder her. She is the fasted thing I had ever seen in the program, or out of it for that matter."

Shepard came back and plopped back into her chair, giving them a baleful glare when she realized they had been talking about her.

Wallace grinned at her and continued. "Besides she'll never beat me when it comes to drinking, so who's really the winner?"

Kaidan fired down his shot, feeling relaxed as Shepard spluttered at Wallace, waving her arms and shouting "In your dreams, ginger boy!".

Kaidan leaned forward conspiratorially, waving the other two in close. "The only thing I came out of BAat Training with was this scar, pointing to his lips."

"Ohhhh" Shepard said, getting a closer look. "Did you take him down?"

Kaidan looked at her and said "Oh yeah, he was this huge…" He burst out laughing, "I'm sorry, I can't do it! I cold clocked myself trying to float a bench"

Wallace started laughing and whacking the table.

Shepard waved her arms in mock fury. "What! If you're going to show us a scar that was caused by damaging yourself, at least let it be a good one!"

She pushed back from the table, and wobbled dangerously for a moment.

Kaidan's hand hot shot out to steady her, and landed directly on her rump. She blinked blearily at it for a moment, then continued after he hastily removed it.

" _This_ is a scar!" She said triumphantly raising her tank top to just under her breasts. A scar started near her belly button and stretched across her side to her upper back, It was puckered, like from a burn.

Kaidans head was swimming, and he knew he was drunk, but he still reached out a hand and traced his fingers gently across the scar on her side.

"Jesus Shepard" Wallace said. "You never told me. What happened?"

Shepard dropped her shirt and sat back down, grabbing her shot.

"It was my second time out with the new sniper team, and we were on Tuchanka. I went out on this ledge to get a better angle on the Krogan mercenaries we were supposed to take out, and I did the stupidest thing you can possibly do as a sniper." She was nodding at them darkly.

Wallace learned forward and said "Stood up?" Then he laughed at what he assumed was his hilarious answer.

Shepard shook her head grinning, and he cursed and drank.

Kaidan looked at her thoughtfully and she waggled her eyebrows at him.

"You knocked something down and gave away your position?" He stated, nodding at her wisely.

She pursed her lips and then started laughing.

"Well, that's pretty spot on actually. I fell off my ledge and landed on a Klixen. They sure knew where I was after that! That thing blasted me with fire and my team blasted it with bullets while I ran away beating down flames." She was booming with laughter, and they couldn't help but join her.

Wallace looked back and forth between Kaidan and Shepard, who was leaning forward in her chair, one hand on Kaidan's arm, the other holding her side while they shook with laughter.

"Well I'm out, I can't keep up with you kids!" Wallace said, pushing his chair back.

While Shepard crowed her triumph around the bar, Wallace shook Kaidan's hand, and leaned close to him whispering

"Take care of her. And screw the Regs, somethings are more important than Alliance rules." Wallace winked at him, and Kaidan just stood there slack jawed.

Wallace gathered Shepard up for a hug, and whispered something to her also, she blushed a bit and punched the big man in the arm, telling him to behave himself.

Shepard and Kaidan started walking towards the Normandy, slowly. Stopping every so often to help each other stand straight again.

Finally Kaidan just wrapped an arm around her shoulders, and brought her close to his side and they walked in sync, clutching each other back to the docking bay.

00oo00oo00

Shepard was definitely drunk.

She kept sneaking peeks at Kaidan's face. _God he was so hot, and how did his hair stay so perfect and wavy all the time._

She wanted very badly to rip his clothes off and have her way with him. She knew she had to get away from him if she was going to be able to restrain herself.

Shepard had always been a, shall we say _exuberant_ , drunk. It had gotten her into a few overzealous shore leave relationships, which in turn, let to visits with ships captains for fraternization warnings when she first started with the alliance.

They staggered aboard the Normandy, still gripping each other's shoulders.

Shepard turned to him and said "Thank you for coming out tonight. It was a lot of fun."

She leaned in to kiss his cheek, but the Green Monster roared with triumph, and she ended up kissing him full on the mouth.

Kaidan was perfectly still for about one second, then was kissing her back.

The combination of raging attraction and about 8 tequila shots took over.

and Shepard jumped up, wrapping her legs around his waist, deepening the kiss.

Kaidan groaned and leaned her back against the bulk head, then they were absorbed in each other.

Shepard didn't know how long they stood there making out, but some small part of her mind registered the sound of the elevator stopping right next to them.

She broke the kiss, and untangled herself, taking a step away shakily. They were both flushed and breathing hard.

There was a ting and Tali stepped off the elevator.

"Oh hey Shepard! I was just going to see if you…" She trailed off, helmet looking back and forth between Shepard and Kaidan, who were studying various parts of the ship, and were both bright red, and decidedly mused.

"Well, Good night Lieutenant. Tali, we will catch up tomorrow." Shepard said hastily, heading for her cabin.

"Good night, Commander." Kaidan replied, and then nodded to Tali, before hustling towards the crew quarters.

Tali stood there, then started giggling. She didn't stop until she was back in engineering.


	8. Chapter 8

Authors Note: First and Foremost, I have to give a very grateful shout out to my AMAZING Beta reader, who is helping me going forward with my story, **Ka'Dira Ezra**. She had been fantastic, and is the reason you, my readers, will find the structure of my chapters has changed a bit, and should flow a little better now!

Also thank you so much for the reviews from Vorcha Girl, Ka'Dira Ezra, 1991Kira. They were great!

Chapter Eight

"Wrex!" Shepard said into her comm, peeking out from behind the Mako to look for the Krogan. The steady booming of his shotgun didn't even pause.

"WREX!" She bellowed again. The Krogan stopped blasting at the now very dead creepers.

"What?" came the rather petulant reply.

"Something is wrong with the colonists, make sure you aren't shooting any of them. Remember the grenades I gave you? Use those ones on the colonist and only blast those…creeper things… with the ones that will kill them." Shepard said, giving the Krogan her best 'listen to the words coming out my mouth' face. She looked back at the whimpering form huddled behind the Mako. "C'mon Liara! Daylight's a wasting."

Liara looked up at her, horror still fresh on her face. "Shepard…I don't think I can move after that…that… goddess, does the alliance teach humans to drive like that?"

Shepard buffed her fingernails on her armour, and replied with a smirk "Of course not… they only wish the recruits drove like me. Now c'mon, we have a colony to save!"

Shepard ignored the extremely dirty look she was receiving and pulled Liara to her feet. The three of them headed for the door back into Zhu's Hope and just as they cleared the threshold, a barrage of bullets slammed into them. They dove for cover and Shepard lobbed a grenade into the cluster of brainwashed colonists, stunning them instantly. They sprinted past the colonists and continued stunning their way into the colony, until they reached the room with the crane.

Shepard headed over to work the controls so they could get to the secret room where the Thorian was. She was not looking forward to meeting it, it sounded creepy as hell, and was very powerful if all the brainwashed colonists had anything to say about it. She had just started punching in the command codes when Fai Dan, the leader of the colony re-appeared.

Shepard started walking towards him, to tell him the good news about everything they had accomplished to save the colony. Pretty much everyone they came across had some kind of job they needed done tacked on to the mission, and Shepard had managed to get every last one finished. Shepard was so caught up in ticking off all the random crap they had accomplished, she didn't immediately notice when Fai Dan stopped. She noticed when he raised his gun jerkily at her though. He told her that the Thorian wanted him to kill her, and before she could brace herself, he put the gun to his temple and fired.

"Damn!" she cried, rushing forward. But there was nothing to be done. She covered him with a towel hanging nearby, and they headed into the lair of the Thorian.

"O.K, we just have to find this thing and put a couple of rounds … into …" Liara started saying as they reached the bottom of the staircase, but she trailed off as they came to a huge open central chamber where they got their first glimpse of the Thorian. It was enormous. A disgusting living, oozing, plant thing. With a horrified fascination they moved closer to it.

"What the hell is THAT!" someone squeaked. Shepard shot the krogan a look of surprise, had that been Wrex's voice? Wrex cleared his throat hurriedly and said "I mean, we are gonna need bigger guns!" Shepard snickered and he growled at her.

As Shepard ventured closer to the Thorian, it started pulsing and … leaking. It was thoroughly disgusting. All of a sudden it birthed a green Asari.

"Ohh eww!" Liara breathed behind her, as the strange Asari began to speak. She jabbered on and on about the Thorian being all mighty, and how it had made a deal with Saren, and that deal somehow included the brain washed colonists.

"I won't let you keep your thralls. Release them, now." Shepard said coldly. The Asari launched into another long winded speech that basically meant 'no'. Shepard gave the command and the three of them attacked the Asari Clone.

As it fell to the ground dead, a wave of creepers attacked from all directions. Wrex was laughing manically and blasting them gleefully with the shotgun, while Liara did some long range biotics. Shepard was trying to snipe them, but gave up and got out her assault rifle. As she moved up with Wrex, she heard Liara speaking.

"Commander, there is some kind of growth here!"

She noticed what Liara meant instantly and peppered it with the assault rifle. It exploded and showered them all with green goop, and the Thorian screeched with pain. Shepard grinned at the weakness, and the team quickly continued to take out the nodes.

The Thorian continued to expel green Asari clones that were vicious in their attacks, and as they took out another one, Shepard saw the last node ahead. She charged towards it and had blasted it a couple times when she heard a roar of pain behind her. She spun around and was horrified to see Wrex drenched in a spray of acid.

"No!" she screamed and charged madly into the group of creepers surrounding him, beating them down with her gauntlets. Liara finished off the last node, and the Thorian crashed into the ground, killed by its inability to hold itself up. Shepard wiped as much of the acid off Wrex as she could, but when her own gloves began to smoke she had to discard them. She got Liara to create a biotic field over the area to slow its progress, and only then noticed the purple Asari standing off to the side, apparently having come out of a pod on the wall.

Shepard got the Asari to talk as fast as she could, tapping her foot, and wanting to get Wrex to the med bay as quickly as possible. For all his tough talk, Shepard knew the Krogan was in a huge amount of pain, and the smoking and smell of his burning flesh was a testament to his will. After much more blathering, the Asari, Shiala, performed a mind meld which gave Shepard a copy of the Cipher that Saren had wanted. Her head pounded and she felt nauseous; the damn Prothean visions were a pain in the ass. Shepard told Shiala to stay and help the colonists rebuild. She put her shoulder under his arm to support him, and was surprised when the Krogan leaned against her heavily.

She had Liara radio Joker, and they started making their way back towards the surface. Shepard could feel the Prothean information wriggling about in her mind like a tangled mess of thoughts, and she was struggling to piece it all together. She would just be glad to get off this planet, and leave the disgusting Thorian and its creepers behind.

00oo00oo00

"Kaidan! Get over to the airlock and help the ground team! Something happened down there, it sounds bad!" Joker's voice was frantic over the comm. Joker patched the ground teams comm chatter through to Kaidan while he headed for the airlock. "We can't hold … Severe acid burns … Get Chakwas … melted right through the …" The feed was patchy and filled with static, but they parts that Kaidan understood filled him with a cold fear. He flared blue briefly while he battled down his panic. It might not be her, it might not be her, he chanted in his head, his heart pounding.

With a whoosh, the airlock door opened and Shepard and Liara, both supporting a nearly comatose Wrex, staggered into the airlock. Kaidans knees nearly buckled with relief when he saw she was alright. Then the smell of burnt flesh and the state of Wrex's skin and armour hit him, and he knew the Krogan was in rough shape. He quickly pulled the Krogan into a lift, and with the help of his biotics they got him into the med bay.

Dr. Chakwas didn't so much as blanch at the ruined Krogan they staggered into the bay with. She barked orders at them, and dismissed Liara to go get Garrus when she started gagging at the sight of Wrex's back. They put Wrex face down on the biggest table, and Chakwas pumped him full of tranquilizers. Once Wrex passed out, they started to try and remove his armour. Garrus arrived, and Kaidan had never been so happy to see the Turian. His strong, taloned fingers were invaluable for holding the armour up while Shepard and Chakwas tried to keep as much skin intact at they could, while peeling the melted armour away. It took hours, but they got all of the armour off of Wrex, and Chakwas shooed them out so she could start slathering medi gel on the raw skin left behind, assuring them the Krogan would be fine, barring some spectacular scars.

Kaidan was going to see if Shepard needed a hand getting out of her armour, as she had now been in it for over 24 hours, but she stomped off towards her quarters before he could ask. He turned to head down to the weight room, when Garrus slung an arm around his shoulder.

"I don't know about you Alenko, but after that… I need a drink!" Garrus remarked, and Kaidan laughed as the Turian shuddered and they each grabbed a beer and sat down at the table in the mess hall.

They had each had a couple beers and were exchanging battle stories, Garrus telling a tale about a Krogan who would get scars on purpose to try and attract a mate, when Tali walked in. Kaidan started fidgeting as Tali walked up to the table.

"I ran into Shepard, she said Wrex got hurt on Feros." she said, wringing her hands in concern as she sat next to Garrus.

"Yeah. Poor bastard got acid burns all down his back, had to peel off his armour, and most of his skin came with it." Tali hunched in on herself, and Kaidan imagined the expression on her face would be one of disgusted horror.

"Keelah" She said softly. She snatched a dextro beer from beside Garrus and pulled a straw out from a pocket in her sleeve.

"Shepard said there was this giant plant thing that was alive down there, and that it birthed out green Asari commandos!" Tali stated, and it was obvious she was sad to have missed it.

"That sounds… well, horrible" Garrus replied, laughing softly. The all laughed for a minute, mostly out of relief that everyone made it out relatively intact.

"Yeah, Shepard seemed pretty mad. She went down to the Cargo bay to 'beat the snot out of something.' I figured I should let her have a couple minutes." Tali said, and her helmeted face swung towards Kaidan. "You know lieutenant, she might be ready for one of these beers now. Why don't you take her one and see if she wants to talk about it?"

Kaidan turned bright red. Damn meddling Quarian. Garrus looked back and forth between Kaidan, who was red and sitting still as stone, and Tali, who was leaning back sucking enthusiastically on her dextro beer.

"Uhh, I'll go and bring the commander a beer." Garrus said, starting to rise.

"No!" Tali screeched, "I mean, stay here Garrus, I wanted to see if you can help me calibrate the Drive Core, to make the propulsion response times faster."

Garrus sat down quickly, enthusiastically rattling off things they could try. Tali made a little shooing motion with her hands and Kaidan snagged two fresh beers and headed for the Cargo Bay.

When he stepped off the elevator he expected her to be beating the crap out of the heavy bag, or using the combat simulator and blowing stuff up, but she was just sitting in the dim light, her back leaning against the wall. She didn't even look up as he wandered over to her, but when he sat down next to her and held out the beer, she took it. The sat in silence for a few minutes, taking the occasional sips of their beer. Kaidan decided that it wasn't going to matter what the conversation topic was, he just needed to get her talking.

"We haven't had any time to talk since our last chat, and a lot was said…when we talked"

Shepard smiled slightly when he said "talked". He knew they were both thinking of the drunken, but extremely hot kiss they had shared after shore leave the week before.

"You seemed decisive then lieutenant, why so hesitant now?" she asked him softly.

"I don't want to distract you too much. The deeper we get into this mess, the bigger it seems. I am just looking for an ear. The debriefing wasn't the right place to say how ridiculous this is." Shepard jerked her head back, like he had slapped her. He was baffled for a moment, then realized how he must have sounded to her, like the two of them were the mess. He quickly continued. "It seems like every other race in the galaxy is wrapped up in their own problems, they don't want to see what's coming."

Shepard's shoulders relaxed, "Wanting to believe everything will be fine? Sounds like human nature to me."

He tentatively put his hand down on the mat, so it was just brushing up against hers, and replied "Yeah. I guess some things carry across species well enough. I should have remembered that, after what happened with Vyrnnus." Shepard shifted so she was leaning against him slightly, and Kaidan felt his heart skip a beat. He turned slightly to look at her, and only then realised how exhausted she must be; she was ghost white, and had dark circles around her beautiful eyes. She hadn't slept for almost 30 hours. He shifted to get up, so he could let her get some rest, and she placed her hand on top of his to keep him there. He froze, butterflies in his stomach. He swallowed nervously, and leaned back against the wall, careful to keep his hand still beneath hers.

"I would think you'd carry a grudge, after the crap you took from Vyrnnus."

He sighed and continued "Before I met Vyrnnus, I knew as much as any other civilian. Aliens were weird, superior, and tried to tell us what to do. I mean it's only been 26 years since first contact, that's not a lot of time to understand them. But it was Vyrnnus who made me see how human aliens are. They're not different, or special. They're jerks and saints, just like us. Hell, by the time I got payback, I didn't even want it anymore."

"I don't see you snapping very easily. What finally did it?" she asked with a soft sigh, and leaned more heavily against him.

Kaidan sat silently for a moment. This, right here, sitting in the quiet with someone he cared so much about, was terrifying, and everything he wanted all at the same time. He thought he had had this, a long time ago, and he was about to tell her about it. He hoped she understood.

Kaidan sucked in a deep breath and continued. "He hurt Rahna. Broke her arm. She reached for a glass of water, instead of pulling it biotically. She just wanted a drink without getting a nosebleed, you know? Like an idiot, I stood up. I didn't know what I was gonna do, just… something. And Vyrnnus lost it. Beat the crap outta me, kept shouting how they should have 'bombed us back to the stone age'. That's when the knife came up. A military issue talon, right in my face" Shepard whistled softly, and squeezed his hand. He squeezed back shyly, and continued. "I cut loose, full biotic kick, right in the teeth. Almost as strong as I can manage now. At seventeen, that's something." He looked down, and gritted his teeth. He had told her. He had loved a girl, and it had made him less than what he should have been, it had made him weak.

As though she knew what he was thinking, Shepard lifted her head from his shoulder and put the tips of her fingers under his chin, turning him until they were face to face. She kissed him softly, just the slightest brush of her lips against his, and said "You wanted to help a girl you cared for. That's a noble thing." He let his forehead rest against hers briefly, then looked straight, his jaw clenched tight.

"Maybe my intentions were noble, but I… I lost control. I killed him Shepard." A part of him had thought she would recoil from him when he told her he killed Vyrnnus, but she just sat, gazing at him calmly, her thumb tracing small circles on the back of his hand. He continued, needing to get it all out now that he had started. "I snapped his neck. They probably could have saved him, if they had gotten him to an infirmary quick enough, but they didn't. It caused a stir when they shipped him home. BAaT Training was shut down. Conatix folded a couple of years later. It's funny, I'm not sure who got the worst of what happened."

Shepard scooted closer, putting her head back down to rest on her shoulder.

"Was Rahna alright?" She asked softly.

Kaidan frowned, then sighed and replied, "Rahna? Yeah, yeah she was fine. We never really uh…We stopped talking after that." The pang he felt when he talked about Rahna was still there, but it had dulled. He was sad when he thought about her now, but the sharp edges had left the memories.

The circling motions from her thumb on his hand paused briefly, then resumed when she prompted him. "Tell me what happened."

As he sat there with Shepard, her head on his shoulder, and her hand holding his, he knew he was a goner. He had fallen irrevocably in love with his commanding officer. He was laying one of the darkest parts of his life bare to her, and she offered nothing but her support and her ear. She hadn't made any judgements, or tried to make light of it because he had been a teenager. She had just been there. He swallowed hard, and continued his story.

"Rahna had a gentle heart. She loved everyone. Vyrnnus terrified her, we all protected her from him. I mean everyone loved her. But after what I did to him, she was terrified of me too." He remembered the look in her eyes when he had turned to help her up. She had thrown herself back from his hand when he reached down to pull her up. The look of terror in her eyes had been unfathomable to him.

Shepards thumb was still moving on his hand, but it was slowing down, and he knew that she needed to sleep, and he continued quickly, "Anyway, this is umm… I had a point here. Aliens, are individuals. Just because one is an ass, doesn't mean they all are. So yeah, I hated that Turian, but he wasn't a Turian to me. He was Vyrnnus."

He shifted slightly, and Shepard raised her head, sitting straighter. "So that's why you're so self-controlled." She stated, rolling out her shoulders. He stood and reached a hand down to help her up. Her eyes were warm and understanding when he met them. "I'm no more disciplined that any other biotic Shepard. But this is all ancient history. I'm over it."

As she stood, she looked into his eyes, and held his gaze. "You agonize over doing the right thing. You never let yourself lose control… Because Rahna spurned you after Vyrnnus died." Kaidan was shocked, he was sure it showed on his face. He tried to pull his hand free, but Shepard held it tight. He started to get mad, but as he looked at her, standing there, exhausted but supporting him through everything he had just told her, and he just said "That's…alright. Maybe you have a point. Maybe. But I'm okay. You don't have to worry about me. Fully functional human being. And I won't be a burden on you, er, on the crew."

Shepard cocked an eyebrow at him, and said softly "Kaidan… You're a strong man, talking about this doesn't make you a whiner, and it doesn't make you immature. It makes you Human." She smiled at him and he smiled back.

"Alright. But it's embarrassing you had to tell me that. You're right, I might need to loosen up… a little. I'll try. Glad you'll be here when it's over Shepard. I'm uhh" He paused, then chuckled and continued "I'm looking forward to some shore leave." He was rewarded with a blush, and she mock punched him on the arm.

"We'll talk later Kaidan, I need to get to bed." She stepped close and kissed his cheek, then headed for the elevator.

Kaidan stood in the dim cargo bay for a couple minutes, going over everything that had just happened in his head, then smiled widely and headed up to the crew quarters to get some sleep himself.


	9. Chapter 9

Authors Note: O.K Guys, this is a big one! I really hope that you like how I did this section, as it is a huge part of the games, and the consequences follow throughout the story.

Once again thank you so much to my fantastic Beta Reader Ka'Dira Ezra. The things she has suggested have only improved the feel I am working towards.

Please enjoy, and I would LOVE to know what you think.

Bioware...No copy write infringement intended!

Chapter Nine

Shepard strolled around the Normandy, chatting with the crew about various things, she also wanted bring her ground team up to speed, as they would be the ones on Virmire with her. They were still two days out, and Shepard wanted Wrex to be ready for this one, because she had that feeling in her gut. She'd had it on Elysium too; it was the feeling that the mission was going to way bigger than they were planning for.

So, to give the Krogan a buffer to have his skin regenerate, and work out his stiff muscles, she was having Joker scan every planet they came across on their way to Virmire for resources. It has definitely been worth their time, Shepard thought, as she looked over the numbers of everything they had collected.

When she had arrived in the cargo bay earlier, she had been pleased to see Ash and Garrus having a heated discussion about guns. Her first instinct had been to step in, but she held back for a moment and listened. They were arguing about gun modifications, and Shepard knew Garrus well enough now to see the Turian was teasing Ash.

Four months ago, Ash would have never have even been having a conversation with Garrus, let alone any other alien on the ship. Now, here she was giving it as good as she was getting, speaking the same way she talked to Kaidan, or Pressley. Shepard was proud that the short sighted soldier she had picked up on Eden Prime was dropping her barriers, and beginning to understand that the whole ' _Humans need to stay separate from aliens'_ train of thought would only doom their species to mediocrity.

"Sorry to interrupt you two; Ash I am gonna need you on the ground with me for Virmire. We are gonna get as big a team as we can on the ground down there. Can you go through all the armour and guns and make sure everything is up to snuff? I don't want any weak spots, or dirty weapons creating a SNAFU once we are groundside." Ash looked at her and beamed with pride. Shepard couldn't have chosen a more meticulous person to be the gunnery Chief. Williams was a god send with weapons and armour.

Ash gave her a quick salute, "Aye, Aye, Skipper. If you don't have any assignments for the bird here, I could use the help." She stuck her thumb at Garrus when she said it, and he roared with laughter.

"He's all yours Chief." Shepard said, gesturing Garrus towards the work bench. As she headed towards the elevator she heard Garrus insult Ash, and the two of them laughing as they bent over her armour.

Shepard was still chucking, and looking down at her omni-tool when she stepped off the elevator. Straight into Kaidan. "Oof!" "Ouch!" They said in unison, as their heads cracked together. Grumbling, Shepard stepped back, rubbing her forehead, Kaidan did the same. He grinned wryly at her, and she couldn't help but laugh.

"Oh well, since I ran into you… no pun intended." She added hastily, "Do you have a minute?"

"Of course, Shepard." Kaidan stepped back, and gestured toward the mess.

Shepard walked past him and when he fell into to step behind her, she headed for her quarters instead. Once the door swooshed to a close behind them, Shepard perched on the edge of her desk, while Kaidan stood in the center of the room, looking slightly nervous.

Kaidan squared his shoulders and looked at her. He had this gleam in his eye, and she knew he was boiling over with the need to tell her something. Something he felt was really important. Before she told him about Virmire, she wanted to give him the chance to get it off his chest. She was just going to ask him what was on his mind when he took a step closer to her, starting to speak and beating her to the punch.

"We are so close now. When we deliver everything, the Council will _have_ to mobilize around us. If we can get the Council on or side, this could become a great opportunity for the Alliance." He felt so passionately about it, it was written over his face. Shepard couldn't help but be swept up in his high emotions.

She nodded at him, inclining her head and adding "It's been a struggle, but we've earned their respect now."

Kaidan stepped closer again. Shepard felt odd with him standing so close while she was leaning against the desk. It made her feel small, and awkward to be craning her neck up at him, so she stood up, cocking her hip out. He was looking into her eyes, his face so serious. She couldn't help the flutter she felt deep in her heart when he continued to speak in his glorious smoky voice.

"And you've been at forefront even back in the Blitz. You'll probably get another Star of Terra out of this."

At the mention of the Blitz, Shepard felt a wave of emotions, and looked down to avoid letting Kaidan see the emotions. She knew she needed to tell him about Elysium and about Mindoir, but every time she thought of them she was overcome. Overcome with fear, and sadness…overcome with rage.

Kaidan stepped close and reached his hand out like he was going to touch her face, then hesitated and let it drop to his side. "I don't think I've ever met a woman like you"

Shepard felt a warmth rush through her body, and before she could stop it she thought to herself, _God, I love him._ The realization she had fallen for him both terrified and elated her. Everyone she had ever truly loved had died. She fought down the waves of panic. She met his steady gaze and it calmed her slightly.

"You haven't had the easiest life…But I like the man it's made of you."

His face warmed, and he smiled shyly as he took a regretful step back. "Please Commander, you'll make me blush." His face became more serious and he added "No bull Shepard; I want to follow through with this. It's tough keeping it separated from duty, but when the mission's complete, it'll be different. I hope you feel the same…ma'am"

Kaidan looked nervous as he waited for her to reply, and as much as it terrified her, Shepard knew she would risk everything to give this a chance to become something.

"That sounds nice. Careful though…you'll distract me from saving the galaxy" She teased.

Kaidan smiled and raised his eyebrows at her. "It'll take care of itself one of these days… or nights."

It was Shepard's turn to blush, and she certainly did. She grinned shyly at him and he continued.

"Shepard, you are hard to step away from. We will get this done Commander… the sooner the better."

They turned and walked out of the cabin together, and Shepard told him that she would need him on the ground in Virmire, and to get prepped. He gave her a quick cheeky salute, and strolled towards the elevator. Shepard shamelessly checked out his ass, and sighed a little as he, and his perfect rump, disappeared from view.

00oo00oo00

For such a beautiful planet, Virmire was turning into an ugly battle. Once Joker had dropped them in the Mako, it had taken them hours to battle their way to the Salarian STG team whose distress signal Joker had picked up when the Normandy had dropped the Mako. The number of Geth and Sarens cronies they had killed was staggering, and Shepard knew that something huge was happening here. As the Mako pulled up next to the Normandy in the Salarian camp, she could see Ash, nose to nose with a Salarian, arguing with him.

"So what are we supposed to do now?" Ash was saying to the Salarian as Shepard approached, her frustration evident in her tone.

"Stay put until we can come up with a plan." The Salarian replied.

Shepard strode up the Salarian, and took charge of the situation. "Commander Shepard, Alliance Navy." Shepard introduced herself, "Are you in charge here? What's the situation?"

The Salarian met her steady gaze, and inclined his head towards her slightly, "I'm Captain Kirrahe, Third infiltration regiment STG. You and your crew have just landed in the middle of a Hot Zone. Every AA gun within 10 miles has been alerted to your presence. We are sending in a team to shut them down"

"What are we supposed to do in the meantime?" Shepard asked.

Captain Kirrahe just looked at her, "We stay put until the Council sends the reinforcements we requested."

Shepard gave the Salarian a slightly pitying look as Kaidan told him "We _are_ the reinforcements."

Kirrahe's mouth dropped open as he said in a slightly panicked tone "What!? You're all they sent? I told the council to send a fleet!"

Shepard felt bad for the Captain, and explained. "We couldn't understand your transmission. They sent me to investigate."

Kirrahe stated the obvious when he replied. "That is a repetition of our task! I lost half my men investigating this place." Shepard felt a pang of loss for him, she knew what it felt like to lose team members, and then be on your own without the help you so desperately needed.

"So what have you found?" Kaidan pressed Kirrahe.

The Salarians answer made Shepards heart pound in her chest. "Sarens base of operations. He's set up a research facility here, but it's crawling with Geth and is very well fortified." The Salarians answer made Shepards heart race. _Sarens Base._ They were so close.

"What's Saren researching?" She was desperate for information, anything that could nail the bastard to the wall.

"He's using the facility to breed an army of… Krogan" Kirrahe replied.

Shepard's mind reeled. She was processing the enormity of this, when Wrex came up to stand beside her.

"How is that possible?" he asked quietly.

Her heart sank. This was going to get really complicated, very quickly.

Kirrahe's gaze swung to Wrex, and he answered "Apparently, Saren has discovered a cure for the Genophage."

Shepard closed her eyes for a brief moment, determinedly not looking at Wrex. He had come to mean a lot to her over the last few months, and she knew how he must feel at this news.

"The geth are bad enough, but a Krogan army…He'd be almost unstoppable." Shepard said, almost apologetically.

Kirrahe nodded at her, and continued "Exactly my thoughts. We must ensure that this facility and its secrets are destroyed."

Shepard saw the big Krogan suck in a deep breathe at Kirrahe's words, and put an arm out to caution him when he stepped toward the Salarian Captain threateningly. "Destroyed? I don't think so. Our people are dying. This cure can save them."

Kirrahe didn't back down an inch. He stayed right where he was and addressed Wrex frankly "If that cure leaves the planet, the Krogan will become unstoppable. We can't make the same mistake again."

Wrex brushed past Shepard, and stormed up to Kirrahe, finger jabbed menacingly in his chest. "We are _not_ a mistake!" he shouted, then stomped away breathing heavily while Kirrahe sputtered at Shepard.

"Is he going to be a problem? We already have enough angry Krogan to deal with."

"He'll be fine. I'll talk to him." Shepard assured Kirrahe, all the while thinking he was a pompous ass with no sensitivity. How the hell was she supposed to convince Wrex that killing all of these Krogan, and effectively ruining any chance to cure the Genophage was the right thing to do?

"I'd appreciate that Commander. My men and I need to rethink our plan of attack. Can you give us some time?" Kirrahe sniffed, obviously unimpressed with Wrex's treatment of him.

"Go ahead Captain. I'll come talk to you soon." With a sharp nod, Kirrahe moved to join his men.

Ash and Kaidan were looking at her sympathetically, then Kaidan looked to where Wrex was standing in the distance.

"Looks like things are a bit of a Mess."

Ash shot the Krogan a nervous glance. "Yeah, I wouldn't be so worried if it wasn't for Wrex." She added, "He looks like he's gonna blow a gasket."

Shepard was trying to decide if she should give the Krogan some space, or try and talk it out with him. She got a second opinion. "God. What am I going to say to him? Do I just say 'trust me?'" She asked Kaidan and Ash, scrubbing a hand across her face in frustration.

Kaidan hesitated, but Ash responded quickly.

"It wouldn't hurt. Well… it might, actually. Just do it carefully."

Dread pooled in the pit of her stomach, and Shepard prayed she had created enough of a bond with the Krogan to talk him around. As she turned to head over to where Wrex was standing, she looked back, and said to Ash "I'll be careful…but be ready, just in case"

Ashley's hand twitched towards her weapon, and she said softly "I'm always ready."

Shepard was still about eight feet away from him when Wrex whirled to face her, his fury written all over his scarred face.

"This isn't right Shepard. If there is a cure for the Genophage, we can't destroy it!" He growled. Shepard took a deep breath and tried to calm him down.

"I understand you're upset. But we both know Saren's the enemy here. He's the one you should be angry with."

Wrex walked slowly towards her, and Shepard heard the chatter of her various team members die out. She knew they were all watching, all listening.

Wrex said in disbelief "Really? Saren created a cure for my people. _You_ want to destroy it."

Wrex was close to her now, and Shepard held her ground and met the Krogans angry eyes dead on. He said softy, and dangerously "Help me out here Shepard. The lines between friend and foe are getting a little blurry from where I stand."

The dot from Ashley's sniper rifle appeared on Wrex's throat. The Krogan didn't notice, and Shepard took a step forward, blocking it out.

"This isn't a cure, it's a weapon. And if Saren is allowed to use it, you won't be around to reap the benefits. None of us will." She challenged him. Wrex glared, and got right into her face. Shepard clamped down hard on the frisson of fear that went through her. This close, the Krogan could seriously damage her before Ash could take him down. But Shepard knew him, knew that if she could make him understand, she could salvage this. She would do everything she could to keep her team intact.

"This is a chance we should be willing to take. This is the fate of my entire people we are talking about!" Wrex shouted, his face inches from hers. "I've been loyal to you so far. Hell, you did more for me than my family ever did. But, if I'm going to keep following you, I need to know we're doing it for the right reasons." He pulled his shotgun out, and leveled it at her abdomen.

Her reflex to deal with a threat was instant, and she had her assault rifle leveled at his chest before she even made a conscious thought. Although no one moved, she heard Ash call her name. She ignored her and focused all of her attention on Wrex. At this range they would both go down in the blast, but he had given her an opening, and she was going to take full advantage of it.

She lowered her rifle. "Wrex, these Krogan are not your people. They're slaves of Saren; tools. Is that what you want for them?" She waited, outwardly calm, for the Krogan to either reply with words or bullets.

He just stared at her down the barrel of the shotgun for what felt like an eternity.

"No. We were tools for the Council once. To thank us for wiping out the Rachni, the neutered us all. I doubt Saren will be as generous." His red eyes burned into hers, and at last he slowly lowered his weapon. Shepard heard someone expel a pent up breathe with a whoosh behind her.

"Alright Shepard. You've made your point. I don't like this, but I trust you enough to follow your lead." The Krogan leaned close again and added "Just one thing. When we find Saren…I want his head." He nodded at her once, and moved away to stand on his own, still breathing heavily.

As her adrenaline tapered off, Shepard's knees felt weak. There had been a moment, just a moment, where she thought she was going to have to kill one of her own teammates. It was a feeling she never hoped to experience again.

She turned and saw Kaidan much closer to her than she expected. It had been his breath of relief she had heard. He clasped her arm and said quietly "Good job" and released her. She, Ash and Kaidan headed for Kirrahe.

The Salarian outlined his plan to arm a nuke to blow the facility up to which Ash was in hearty agreement. Kirrahe wanted to have a ground team engaging Saren's army at the front, while Shepards team snuck in the back.

"I need one of your men to accompany me. To help coordinate the teams." Kirrahe said.

Shepard considered, and realised it was the smartest approach if they were going to get this done with minimal losses. "We'll need someone who knows Alliance communication protocols."

"I volunteer, Commander" Kaidans voice said from behind her.

"Not so fast L.T. Commander Shepard will need you to arm the nuke. I'll go with the Salarians." Ash contradicted him quickly.

Kaidan straightened his shoulders. "With all due respect, Gunnery Chief, it's not your place to decide."

Ashley's temper flared "Why is it when someone says 'with all due respect' they really mean 'kiss my ass?'"

Shepard closed her eyes. No matter who she chose, it was a bad situation. Kaidan _is_ the stronger leader, but would definitely be more effective on the nuke. They were both going to be in for a shit storm no matter who she put where.

"Williams, you'll accompany the captain. No heroics, understood?" Shepard said.

Ash shot a quick triumphant grin at Alenko. "Aye, Aye Commander."

Kirrahe nodded and briefed them on the next move. "I will have the ordnance loaded onto the Normandy and brief your crew on its detonation sequencing. Do you have any questions before we go commander?" Kirrahe asked.

"I'm ready when you are Captain." Shepard stated, rolling out her shoulders.

Kirrahe nodded briskly, "Excellent. Then, if you'll excuse me. I need to prepare my men."

As Kirrahe left to prep his troops, Shepard turned to Ash and Kaidan, making sure her commander's mask was firmly in place. Now was not the time to show how scared she was for them. They needed her strength and confidence. They needed to know she believed in them to get their jobs done, and come out alive.

"Well, this is it. Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone L.T. You too, Commander." Ash said, meeting her eyes, a weak smile on her face.

Kaidan reached over and patted Ash on the shoulder. "We'll be fine, you'll see."

Ash couldn't fight the nerves and worry, and they showed on her face as she added "Yeah, I just… Good luck."

Shepard saw the worry, and needed to make sure Ash was o.k. She couldn't send her out to battle with a restless mind. "Is there something you want to say Chief?" She prodded her.

Ashley heaved a big sigh and said "I don't know, it's just weird. Going under someone else's command. I've got used to working with you…all of you."

Understanding flashed across Kaidans face, and he tried to lighten the mood by playfully swatting Ash's arm. "Don't worry. We'll see you on the other side."

Ash smiled "I know." Then she squared her shoulders and looked at Shepard. "I, ah…It's been an honor serving with you, Commander." She saluted sharply, every inch of her the perfect Alliance soldier.

Shepard reached out and grasped Ash's hand. "It doesn't matter if we're not in the same unit, we're still a team. Watch each other's backs, keep your eyes open, and fight like I know you can. We'll all come out of this in one piece."

Ashley saluted her, "You bet Commander!" she said emphatically.

The stood and listened to the end Kirrahe's speech to his men "… We will hold the line!" The Captain finished dramatically.

Ash nodded and her and moved to join the Salarians, and Kaidan headed for the Normandy. Shepard watched him go, warring with the urge to talk to him, to say something before they all left to fight their battles. Just before he reached the ramp where the nuke was being loaded, she broke.

"Kaidan! Wait." She jogged over to him.

His face was set and filled with determination. She memorized every detail, hating the fear she felt that it might be her last chance. There were so many thoughts spinning in her mind, and she wanted to tell him she loved him, and to stay safe, and not take risks… but he was a soldier, like her.

So she swallowed down her nerves and fears, and just said "Be careful out there Alenko, If the nuke fails, so do we."

He nodded to her, then reached out and grasped her hand. He shook it slowly, his eyes telling her he wanted to do more, but he was Alliance through and through. There would be no big displays of affection while she was his commanding officer.

"You be careful too…Shepard." He stepped away and headed up the ramp. She watched until he was on board, then turned and headed for the trail that would lead her, Garrus and Wrex deep into the facility.

00oo00oo00

The battle the Shadow team had fought to reach Sarens office deep within the facility had been fierce. Shepard had taken a shot through her upper thigh, and Garrus had taken a shot in the side and upper arm. Thankfully, neither had hit anything serious and they had slathered on Medi-gel and continued. Shepard was thankful that Wrex had regenerative capabilities, as the number of times the Krogan had been shot was about eight or nine.

They had disabled the alarms and took out the guards inside the facility. They stumbled across a team of Salarians, all but one of which had been indoctrinated. She freed them, hoping that maybe they would at least get to taste free air before they were blown sky high with the rest of the facility. It had left a bitter taste in her mouth, but there had been nothing else they could do.

When they had finally reached where Shepard thought Saren's office must be, there was an Asari Scientist cowering behind a desk. When Shepard questioned her, she revealed her name was Rana Thanoptis and she was helping Saren study indoctrination. Rana told them that Saren's ship Sovereign was the source, and no one could escape when near him for long periods of time. She let them in to Sarens office, and then Shepard told her to run for it, if she wanted to escape the blast. Then Shepard gave the order, and she, Garrus and Wrex entered the Office.

They were descending a series of metal ramps when Garrus noticed a green glow, and called out

"Commander, look over here. It's another beacon. Like the one on Eden Prime."

Shepard walked up to the panel in front of the beacon cautiously. She knew what would happen when she engaged it, but when the beacon seized her in its pull, it was still horrifying. Her body went stiff as her mind was flooded with images of terror, and death, and destruction.

It released her abruptly after what felt like an eternity and she crashed back onto the ramp.

Garrus started forward, but she waved her arm to make him stay; she didn't want the beacon to affect him.

She staggered as she heaved herself up, but stayed upright. After a moment the pain passed, and she was left feeling sore and nauseous. The images left in her mind by the beacon swirled, all tangled emotion and stabs of pain. She had hoped that by now she would understand at least some of them, but it was all just flashes and snatches of thoughts.

They headed back up the ramp towards the door, and as they neared the side of the room, something flared bright red; a projection of Sovereign loomed in front of them.

"I get the feeling something bad is about to happen." Wrex stated baldly.

Shepard couldn't help but agree with him as the image began to speak in a deep, menacing voice that echoed all around them.

"You are not Saren." It boomed.

"What is that? Some kind of V.I interface?" Garrus said, taking a small step closer to her.

The booming voice continued, and it soon became obvious that it was _not_ a V.I interface. After a painfully long conversation, with Sovereign doing a lot of trash talking about 'organics' and Shepard saying "…Machines can be broken!" The projection severed the connection and smashed out the windows in the room.

Shepard was getting more and more pissed off. Her team was scattered all over this god forsaken factory, battling hordes of enemies, and she had to deal with a power tripping spaceship and its brainwashed servants. The more she got to know about Saren and his Reaper ship, the more she wished she wished she could just blow them the hell up and get some sense of normality back in her life.

Joker's voice came through on the comm, and Shepard realised the projection must have been blocking the transmissions.

"Commander? We got trouble!" Joker called.

"Hit me, Joker" Shepard replied quickly.

"The ship Sovereign? It's moving. It just pulled a turn that would shear any of our ships in half. It's coming your way, and it's coming hard. You need to wrap things up in here…fast!"

Shepard brought her gun up, and the three were moving, using the ground covering run they seemed to be able to do forever.

Shepard barely even paused for cover while they battled and ran their way to the breeding grounds to help with the nuke. The finally made it into the wide, watery basin where the Normandy could land, just as Joker was setting her down.

Kaidan and one of the marines came down the ramp with the nuke, and headed to the widest part of the chamber to get it armed. The water in the basin was knee deep, loud, and a real pain in the ass. It made everything slower than they needed it to be.

Kaidan got the bomb ready and came over to her, speaking on the comm so she could hear him over the noise.

"We're all set he-"

"Commander, can you read me" Ash's voice cut across Kaidan's.

"The nuke is almost ready, get to the rendezvous point Williams!" Shepard said, dread filling her at the tone of Ash's voice.

"Negative, Commander. The geth have us pinned down on the AA tower. We've taken heavy casualties…We'll never make it to the rendezvous point in time." Ash's voice was final, Shepard could hear the resolve in her tone.

She refused to let the chief give up. She radio Joker instantly. "Get them out of there Joker, now!"

Ashley's voice came back across the comm. She was yelling now, the sounds of gunfire around her almost drowned her out. "Negative. It's too hot! Can't risk it. We'll hold them off as long as we-" Ash's voice cut off abruptly. There was a ringing silence.

Kaidan came into her field of vision. "It's ok Commander. I need a couple of minutes to finish arming the bomb. Go get them and meet me back here."

Shepard wheeled instantly and yelled at Garrus and Wrex "Up to the AA tower. Move!"

They ran, and Shepard pushed them hard. She didn't even pause in her running, just blasted as many geth as she could, and ran past the rest leaving them to Wrex and Garrus. Two minutes later they reached the top of the tramway and a huge shadow fell across them.

"Damn. Geth are sending in reinforcements." Wrex cursed.

As it flew overhead, then disappeared from view back where they had just come from, Ashley's voice came over the comm.

"Heads up L.T. Just spotted a troop ship headed to your location."

Shepard froze as Kaidans voice crackled in her ear

"It's already here. There's geth pouring out all over the bomb site."

She started towards Ash's position again while she radioed back to Kaidan "Can you hold them off?" She came to a dead stop as he replied.

"There's too many. I don't think we can survive until you get here…I'm activating the bomb."

Shepard's body went numb.

"Alenko, what are you doing?" She yelled, panic in her voice.

"I'm just making sure this bomb goes off. Not matter what… It's done Commander. Go get Williams and get the hell out of here."

Shepard turned and grasped the metal bar in front of her. She felt a knuckle in her right hand pop from the force she was exerting on the bar. _This couldn't be happening_ , she thought.

Ash's furious voice screamed in her ear "Screw that! We can handle ourselves. Go back and get Alenko!"

It _was_ happening. Her mind was racing, trying to make an impossible choice. Ash, who had been saved on Eden Prime, who was in the trenches buying them time, and was her friend.

Or Kaidan, the man who defended those weaker than him, never hesitating to back her up, and whom she loved.

Kaidan, the man who was defending the nuke…the nuke that if it didn't go off, this was all for nothing anyway.

She closed her eyes as the hot tears rushed from them, and said steadily into the comm "Alenko. Radio Joker and tell him to meet us at the bomb site."

Garrus reached out, gripping her shoulder tightly, a silent offer of support. She nodded in thanks, feeling more grounded from the contact.

She bowed her head and tried not to let the tears fall, she knew there was still a fight to be had and couldn't let her emotions overwhelm her.

Kaidans voice came back over the comm, sounding shocked. "Yes, Commander. I…I"

Ash cut him off, her voice firm, and without a hint of regret. "You know it's the right choice L.T."

Shepard took a deep breathe "I'm sorry Ash. I had to make a choice."

God, I've just signed a death warrant for my own teammate Shepard thought, struggling not to explode with the grief and rage filling her.

"I understand Commander. I don't regret a thing." There was a hiss, and Ashley disconnected.

Shepard let the rage fill her, burying her grief deep, deep down. It wasn't a crazy, haze filled rage, but rather a sharp rage that made everything focused and almost…soundless.

Shepard shut everything down, methodically clicking off one emotion after another. She became the soldier she had been on Elysium. A ruthless marine that would do what needed to be done to save as many innocent people as possible.

Garrus was already heading back to the nuke site, and as Shepard turned and met Wrex's gaze, the Krogan stumbled back in shock… and fear.

None of the Normandy crew had known her for long, and she knew Wrex was seeing someone he had never seen before. This Shepard was the one the Batarians whispered about. This Shepard, was terrifying.

She moved silently and began running, her gun leveled in front of her. She became a chilling machine of death. If she hadn't brought the enemy down with her gun by the time she was level with them, she backhanded and beat them out of her way with her gauntlets.

The thought that Saren had caused this, caused her to choose, caused Ash to die, was her fuel. She methodically cleared every enemy from their path.

When they reached the basin where the nuke was, Kaidan was down, crawling towards the nuke and cradling his side. She couldn't afford to let her feelings through, she had to stay detached.

A blast from above drew Shepard's attention, and her whole body tightened when she saw Saren on a hover board above her. She dove for cover behind a support and he sent several blasts toward her. She stayed hidden until he jumped down. She stepped out, and shot him in the chest three times.

He had shielded himself well, and wasn't even scratched.

"I applaud you Shepard. My geth were utterly convinced the Salarians were the real threat. An impressive diversion. Of course, it was all for nothing. I can't let you disrupt what I've accomplished here. You can't possibly understand what's really at stake."

The emotional part of herself, she kept buried deep, and remained calm.

"Why are you doing this?" She asked Saren, her teeth gritted against the will to rage at him.

Saren began to lecture her about the futility of trying to stop him, of how the Protheans had tried to stop the Reapers, and still they had been wiped out. He went on about how submission was better than extinction, and that the Reapers would let those who were obedient live.

Shepard could hardly believe how…brainwashed he sounded.

She wanted to scream at him, to get him to see how naïve he was being, but she swallowed the urge down, fishing for information instead.

"Tell me why Sovereign needs the Conduit. Tell me what it is! Maybe we can find a way to stop them." Shepard called, willing to try anything to stop him from escaping again.

He was the key. He tried, and failed to convince her he wasn't indoctrinated. She pleaded with him to join them, to take out Sovereign. She ruthlessly stomped the voice screaming in her head 'he's the reason for all of this, you can't save _him_.' It was useless. He refused, leaping back onto his hover board, sending a wave of biotic attacks at her.

They began an epic battle, with Saren attacking from above, and Shepard diving and rolling like a blur, all the while constantly peppering shots at the Turian above her.

He caught her and Kaidan, who had been trying to get to cover with a lucky blast, and blew them both into the water. Shepard's gun was torn free of her grip. She felt around for it frantically, looking at Kaidan, who was moving slowly, but moving. _Thank god._

Her moment of distraction cost her.

Saren leapt off his hover board and grabbed her by the throat, dragging her through the water to bring her up above his head while he strangled her. She flailed and struggled, trying to break his grip.

A load alarm started up, deafening her, and Sarens concentration broke as he looked around for the source of the noise.

Shepard punched him as hard as she could, and he dropped her with a splash back into the water.

She gasped as she came up from underneath the water and pulled her pistol, but it was too late.

Saren was back on the hover board, streaking off into the distance. She saw Garrus heading towards Kaidan, who was holding his side and struggling to get up.

She ran to help them and reached down, pulling Kaidan up, wrapping her arm around him to support him.

The Normandy pulled in low, and Joker lowered the ramp. She waved Garrus and Wrex forward, then bent and pulled Kaidan over her shoulder in a fireman's hold. Her muscles screamed in protest as she hefted his fully armoured body and headed up the ramp with him. Once the ramp closed Shepard ripped off her helmet and ran to the Cargo bay window.

The FTL drive engaged just as everything they left behind on Virmire exploded into a ball of flames.

00oo00oo00

Shepard sent Kaidan straight to the med bay to get his ribs dealt with, and debriefed the rest of the team.

Then she just sat, her face cradled in her hands and cried. They were awful, wracking sobs. They slowed, then stopped, she sat back in her chair, and started to think about what she was going to say to Ash's mother…to her little sisters.

She had just started to rise when the door opened and Kaidan came in. She sank back down as he walked slowly over to her, and sat gingerly in the chair beside her.

"I can't believe that Ash didn't make it. How could we just leave her down there" Kaidan said, his voice hollow.

He was clearly in shock, but Shepard felt raw. Deep down she knew he wasn't blaming her, but as she was blaming herself, she reacted instantly.

"Williams knew the risks going in. She gave her life to save the rest of us." She said it harshly. Shepard felt broken. Every time she looked at him she saw Ash, and heard her voice _'I don't regret a thing'._ And every time she looked at him she thought _'Thank God, thank God you're alive.'_

The look on his face at her tone was like a knife in her gut. She pushed her own emotions aside as much as she could, and tried to focus on Kaidan.

He was crushed, maybe more so than her, and she needed to help him understand it wasn't his fault. He, more than any of them would be suffering from survivor's guilt.

Kaidan's shoulders slumped, and he asked her softly "But why me? Why not her." His voice thick with grief.

 _Stay professional_ , Shepard cautioned herself _, tell him about the nuke, and how it had to go off… at all costs._

But when she opened her mouth to answer him, what she said was "I'm sorry Kaidan. I'd never leave you behind. I couldn't…you know that."

He sighed, and looked at her, his amber coloured eyes were bright with tears when they met hers. "I know, and I am grateful. But Ash died because of me… because of us." She could see he was fighting to stay calm, but the guilt he felt was all over his face.

Shepard felt her anger rising, and battened it down. Getting angry at Kaidan would help no one, and hurt them both. "It wasn't your fault. It wasn't my fault. The only one to blame here is Saren."

Kaidan seemed to compose himself. He sat straight in his chair, wiping a tear off his cheek.

"Yes Ma'am. We'll get it done."

Shepard nodded at him, and dismissed him. She was barely holding herself together, and just needed a moment to herself.

As he walked out of the room she closed her eyes and just let the roiling emotions drown her. She had been through this before; she knew that it would take time, but everyone would come out of this o.k. She took a deep breath and pushed the thoughts of Kaidan, Mindoir, and Elysium from her mind.

She knew how she must look, covered in blood, and medi-gel. Her eyes were swollen and her voice hoarse from sobbing. She stood, planning to go and clean up before contacting Ash's mother, but decided that it would honor Ash more if her family knew how much it had effected Shepard when their beloved daughter and sister died.

She took a deep breath, squared her shoulders, and told Joker to connect her to Mrs. Williams.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

It was 2:00am and Shepard was once again standing in the kitchen of the mess hall, making a cup of tea because she had been woken by nightmares. In this one she had been back on Elysium, watching as a street full of civilians was annihilated.

It had been three days since Virmire, and Ash's death.

Earlier that day the Normandy had held a service for their Gunnery Chief, telling stories and sharing toasts. Shepard had not been in the mood for crowds and had stayed relatively quiet, after giving a speech honoring Ash for her bravery and sacrifice.

She couldn't participate because she hadn't been able to get Ash's mother out of her mind.

When Shepard had told her about her daughter's death, the older woman had just crumpled inwards on herself, seeming to age instantly. The pain of the news stamped on her very soul. Ashley's youngest sister had overheard, and had screamed ' _It isn't true! It isn't true!'_ over and over. It was one of the hardest things Shepard had ever had to do, and had brought up horrible memories.

Shepard had been avoiding Kaidan. She hadn't spoken to him since the night they returned from Virmire. It was hard, so hard to see him and feel to bubble of happiness that he was alive, that he was still with her… Only to have the guilt crash over her that he was here, making her happy because she chose Ash to die instead of him.

She picked up her tea and made her way down to engineering. It would be empty this time of night, and she wanted to just sit and let the hum of the drive core wash over her.

00oo00oo00

Kaidan sat with is back up against the drive core console, the blue glow casting a soft light all around the circular room. He had tried to talk to Shepard all day, but whenever he started towards her, she had vanished like a puff of smoke.

He knew he had been an ass when they came back from Virmire, but he had been in shock, and overcome with guilt. He was ashamed of how he had called Shepard out, saying she only saved him because of what they had started together. He needed to explain, and apologise for what was said in the heat of the moment.

There was a soft sound, and Kaidan looked up to see her frozen in front of him, a cup of tea held in her hand. He gaped for a moment, shocked to see her appear out of nowhere in the drive core at 2:00am.

"Shepard wait!" He called, when she turned to leave. He bounded up and stepped in front of her to stop her progress. "Stay. Please just…talk to me." He pleaded, fists bunched at his side.

She looked up and met his eyes, and his heart clenched at the pain and torment that was on her beautiful face.

He reached out and took the tea from her grasp, setting it behind him. He then covered her hands with his, holding them together in front of her.

"Shepard. I'm sorry for anything I said back there… Adrenaline, you know?" He said it earnestly, begging her with his eyes to understand.

"I understand," She said gently "I don't like losing people either."

The way she said it and the expression on her face, the defeat in her shoulders, all hit Kaidan hard. His need to comfort her, to take some of the burden she put on herself overrode his shyness, and he pulled her into a hug.

She was stiff at first, but as he just stood and held her, until the tension melted out of her body, and she hugged him back tightly.

"I've served for years, but never lost a soldier under my command. Not to hostile action, anyway." Kaidan stroked his hand slowly down her hair, repeating the motion again and again. "How did you deal with the losses on Elysium? It must have been… awful."

She usually closed down, or made an excuse to walk away whenever Elysium was brought up, but this time she just let out a deep shuddering breathe and stayed still in his arms.

"It was my job to get everyone out safe," She stated quietly "I failed"

His arms tightened around her gently, a gesture of support, and she continued "I vowed not to let that happen again. Same here. I'll remember her…and I'll do better, for her."

Kaidan felt Shepard take a deep shuddering breath, and he pulled back from the hug slightly to look at her face. "That's all we can do." He said softly.

"Look Kaidan…can we go somewhere quieter? More private? I need… I want to tell you about…about my family." Shepard said it so hesitantly, he knew it must have been hard for her to ask.

"Of course Shepard. Lead the way."

She gathered the tea from the ledge, and he followed her to her quarters, scanning the hallways to make sure everyone was still asleep.

She sat on the edge of the cot, and pulled her boots off, then curled her feet underneath herself. He hesitated, but when she gestured, he took his boots off as well, and sat with his back leaning against the wall on the other side of the cot.

"Kaidan. I want you to understand… I don't talk about this." Her face was earnest, and a little scared. "The only people I have ever told about this, really told, are David Anderson and Karin Chakwas."

"Shepard… you don't have to tell me a thing." Kaidan assured her, wanting to do something, anything, to stop the dread on her face.

She laughed, the kind of laugh someone makes when there is no other way to express the emotions they are feeling.

"That's the crazy part. I _want_ to tell you. I have to, if you are ever going to really understand me, if we are ever going to make this…thing we have real." She looked at him, then reached out and held his hand. "I just don't know how to start."

"Start at the beginning, and we will go from there. I'm right here, Shepard. I'm not going anywhere." He gave her an encouraging smile.

"Kaidan, I think it's time for you to start calling me Jane."

"Alright. Jane"

00oo00oo00

 _The summer I turned sixteen was one of the best years for crops Mindoir had ever had. The fields were a patchwork quilt of rich colors and smells. My community was having a party to celebrate the harvest._

 _I was at our neighbor's house, about a ten-minute walk away. I was watching Lily, the Roberts' ten-year-old daughter, while they helped my parents set up tables in the square._

 _We were playing a game of cards when I started to hear strange sounds. Like a series of pops. I was halfway to the window to investigate went the screaming started._

 _I froze. Gunshots. Someone was shooting people._

 _I spun and ran back to Lily as another scream sounded, this one much closer to the house._

 _My heart was pounding in my ears, and I dragged her down into a crouch and we ran through the house to her room in the back. I made Lily stay down beside the bed, and went to the window and peeked out._

 _Old Mr. Daniels was lying face down on his front lawn, a red pool spreading underneath him. Two people emerged from his house, dragging Mr. Daniels' son, Thomas, screaming behind them._

 _I knew they were Batarians from the news vid I saw a couple weeks ago. They had raided a settlement ship and made a bunch of people slaves._

 _They had also killed a lot of people._

 _I thought frantically about what to do. If we could get to my parents' house, my dad had guns, purchased two years before when the Alliance warned them about the dangers of living so far from a station. 'If I can get to dad, it will all be okay' I thought._

 _"_ _Lily, listen to me. There are very bad men out there, and they want to hurt us. We need to be very, very quiet. You are going to hold my hand, and we are going to run into the field behind the house, and go along the creek to my house ok?"_

 _The little girl was bone white, and I worried she would faint, but she nodded and whispered "Ok."_

 _I held tight to her hand and peeked out the window again. The Batarians and Thomas were gone, and I couldn't see anything moving. I slid the window open, and had just hopped down onto the grass, when a loud bang rang through the house._

 _Someone had kicked in the front door._

 _"_ _Hurry!" I whispered to Lily, grabbing her by the waist when her legs appeared over the windowsill. We crouched beside the house and I snuck a peek at the back yard. I couldn't see anyone, so I grabbed tight to her hand and we sprinted for the cornfield._

 _My heart was hammering in my chest so loudly it felt as though it was going to burst._

 _We were halfway across the yard when the Batarian guarding the back door to Lily's house saw us. He must have been there to catch anyone who might try to escape that way while the others went in through the front, and I hadn't been able to see him from the window._

 _With a roar he opened fire, and I ran as hard as I could, dragging Lily behind me. The sound the bullets made as they punched into the stalks around us was something I would never forget._

 _We ran deep into the field, then I pushed her down and lay beside her, my hand covering her gasping mouth. We lay there in terror, trying to stifle the sounds of ourselves gasping for air._

 _It was silent. No one was following us._

 _I took my hand off of her mouth. "Lily, are you alright" She didn't move, she just stayed huddled as close to the ground as she could be._

 _"_ _Lily!"_

 _She nodded at me. Her blue eyes wide with shock. "He… he shot at us." She said numbly._

 _"_ _I know sweetheart. I know. We have to be very quiet still ok? We are gonna stay in the field and get to my parents. It will all be ok when we get there." I reassured her. I was more terrified than I had ever been. It was hard to act brave when I just wanted to get to my dad so he could protect us, and I could let myself be scared._

 _I got to my feet, and pulled her up with me. Keeping a tight hold on her hand, we started through the corn stalks, quiet as mice, towards my parent's farm._

 _We walked in terrified silence for what felt like hours, but in reality was only minutes. We came to the edge of the field and I could see my parents' house._

 _Everything looked calm. I took a hesitant step forward then stopped, looking down at the small girl with me. I squeezed Lily's hand, unsure whether I should take her with me to the house, or leave her hidden in the field._

 _"_ _Please… Please don't leave me here where the monsters will get me" She clutched at me, terrified of being left alone._

 _I scanned the yard again. I gripped her hand tight, I couldn't leave her behind. Slowly we crept out of the cornfield towards my back door._

 _The first bullet caught me in the upper thigh, the next grazed my arm. Beside me, Lily went down. I was screaming, yelling at her to get up while I dragged at her arm, but she just lay there staring._

 _Her blue eyes gone blank, staring at the sky. Red stains were spreading slowly across the front of her dress. It was white with tiny blue flowers. She had been so excited to wear it to the party._

 _Bullets flew overhead, and I looked up in a daze to see my mother standing in our doorway. She was firing at the Batarian shooting at me, while my father sprinted towards Lily and me._

 _He was yelling something at me, but everything was out of focus, and I couldn't make myself understand his words._

 _I just stood there, blinking at the girl on the grass, still holding her hand._

 _He broke the grip I had on Lily's hand, and scooped me up over his shoulder, running back into the house._

 _I kept my eyes on the small form laying in the grass until the door broke my view, and my dead friend vanished from sight._

 _My Mother sobbed and hugged me, while my father tore up a pillowcase and hastily bandaged my leg and arm._

 _I felt numb. It was as though everything happening around me was being seen through shiny plastic, there was a quality to it that didn't seem real._

 _I had failed her. I told that if we could just get to my parents, it would all be o.k. I had let her die._

 _There was a communicator on the table, and every so often it would crackle, and someone's voice would come across, with new horrors to pass along to my father._

 _"_ _Dead…There all dead! ... been shot and…Maria! Where are they taki-"_

 _He started whispering to my mother, taking her shoulders and prying her away from me._

 _"_ _Maggie, you need to take Jane and get into the bolt hole"_

 _"_ _No Theo! We have to stay together, we need to get to a shuttle, or…"_

 _My Father cut across her "No! Goddamn it, there's no time. They are gonna see that dead Batarian and know that someone in here has a gun. Now go."_

 _He pulled her close and kissed her, then bent and did the same to me. We could hear shouting, and he screamed "Move!"_

 _My mother ran to their bedroom pulling me along with her. She wrenched open the door to the wardrobe and punched on a panel in the back, which swung inwards to reveal a crawl space. She pushed me inside, and just as she started to get in, there was a loud bang, and a rapid exchange of gunfire._

 _She spun around, snatching her gun off the bed._

 _I clutched her arm "No Mom! You can't leave me here!" I looked around the tiny black space, terror filling me._

 _"_ _Jane. You need to stay quiet. No matter what happens do not come out. Someone will come, someone will come to help us. Stay in here Jane. Promise me." Her face was so scared, and she kept looking towards the kitchen where my father was shooting at something, or someone._

 _"_ _I love you sweetheart." She broke the grip on my arm, stepping back._

 _"_ _No! Please…"_

 _She punched the button, and the panel swung closed, leaving only a sliver of light._

 _I pressed my face into the crack, desperate to see what was happening. In her rush from the room, my mother had left the wardrobe door open, and I could see down the hallway through the sliver of light._

 _The gunfire had stopped, and when my Mother reached the end of the hall she screamed "Theo, No!" She opened fire on the room my father had been in, and I clamped my hands over my mouth in horror._

 _A Batarian appeared beside her and backhanded her viciously across the face, while another grabbed the gun from her hands. They spoke in a harsh language I couldn't understand, and when my mother spit in the face of the one that backhanded her, they started beating her._

 _I sat in the dark, my hands over my mouth so I wouldn't make any noise, while they beat my mother to death._

00oo00oo00

Jane sat, her legs tucked underneath her, and her hand clutched tightly to Kaidan's. She looked up at him, her eyes gleaming with the tears she wouldn't let fall.

Kaidan's heart broke for her, and for the girl she had been.

"Anderson is the one who found me. I stayed in that bolt hole for 2 days. I don't know how he knew it was there, but he opened it, and just sat on the floor and waited for me to come out. It took me almost four hours."

Kaidan could only imagine how hard it had been for her. Everyone she knew and loved were gone, or dead. Her friend, a small child, gunned down beside her. She had witnessed the horrific death of her mother from only feet away.

She shuddered slightly, and he made a soft sound. She looked at him again, and a single tear rolled down her cheek. He went up onto his knees on the bed, and pulled her into a hug, crooning soft words of comfort as he stroked her back.

"On Elysium, I froze. I saw the ships landing, and the Batarians pouring out of them, and I couldn't move. I stood there, and they gunned down a street full of people. All I kept seeing was my mothers face…her dead face staring at me down that hallway for days."

She said it quietly, her face pressed to his neck, the silent tears soaking into his collar.

"Jane. You made it to an Alliance squad, on your own, without a gun. You were on shore leave for Christ's sake, and you still managed to rally a team of soldiers and civilians, and hold the fuckers off until the Alliance arrived in force. Without you, Elysium would have been another Mindoir."

She just sat, arms wrapped around him, with her face pressed into his neck.

"I couldn't let it happen again. I was too young the first time, and didn't know how to save them. I joined the Alliance the day I turned eighteen, and made a promise to myself that I would protect the innocent, over everything else. Always. I met Wallace right after Elysium. He was the first real friend I made since I was sixteen."

Kaidan understood now. "He pushed you, made you want to be better. Gave you a reason to fight again."

She nodded against his neck, then sat up, and scrubbed her hands across her face.

"I know it doesn't mean anything now but, god Jane. I am so sorry. No one should ever have to go through something like that. Especially so young." His heart ached at the thought of her sitting in that dark hole for days, the bodies of her murdered parent's feet away.

"Kaidan, it means a lot. Now you know why it hits me so hard…why I will never take the easy road. This is what I need to do. I need to help people."

"I know Jane. It's one of the things I … like about you." He brushed a final tear off her face, and leaned close, pulling her into a hug again. He wanted to tell her her loved her. Tell her she wouldn't have to be alone ever again, but it wasn't the moment.

"I…Like you too, Kaidan." She whispered.


	11. Chapter 11

Authors Note: O.K Guys. Thank's to everyone one who has checked out my story, Over 500 views!

I really enjoyed this chapter...almost as much as the next one ;)

Thank again to Ka'Dira Ezra, my Beta Reader!

Enjoy, and feel free to leave a review :)

Chapter 11

Shepard woke up slowly. She felt warm and safe. She hadn't slept that well in a really, really long time. She started to raise her hands above her head in a stretch, then froze, not daring to breath.

She looked slowly at the arm curled over her stomach, and followed it up to the face of the man sleeping beside her. Kaidan was laying on his side, his face sharing her pillow, breathing softly.

Shepard remembered holding tight to him, and telling him all about Mindoir and her parents. She had been so emotionally exhausted, she must have fallen asleep in his arms. She blushed with embarrassment. At least they both had all their clothes on.

She craned her head, looking past him to the clock.

"Shit!" She swore loudly. "Kaidan, wake up!" She shook him, and he shot straight up, his hair poking off the side of his head wildly, and a crease down the side of his face from the pillow.

As he looked around frantically, trying to get his bearings, she started to giggle. She couldn't help herself; he looked so funny, and his perfect hair was so wild. He looked like a confused hedgehog.

He whipped around to stare at her in disbelief as she blew into a full blown laughing fit, clutching her sides and wheezing.

"What the hell is so funny" He asked her, a smile creeping onto his face as he looked at her, bent over and laughing like a hyena.

"Your… Hair…" She wheezed, pointing at his head.

He felt around, and encountered the spikes on the side of his head. He muttered to himself while he tried to smooth them down, unsuccessfully.

"Here." Her laughing had subsided to the occasional snicker, and she reached over and patted down his unruly hair as best she could.

"We've got to get you out of here, people will be up for breakfast in 20 minutes."

"Shit Shepard. I'm sorry. I must have fallen asleep. I meant to go back down to the crew quarters once you were asleep, but you were laying on my arm and I didn't want to wake you. I'm sorry." His face was full of concern.

"Kaidan, it's fine." His face still looked troubled, and she felt the now familiar squeeze of her heart. He was so _good_. She knew he was worried about her reputation and the consequence of breaking regs.

She smiled at him, and he smiled in return, still looking a bit nervous.

She walked out of her quarters, and took a quick peek around. The coast looked clear.

"O.K, looks good." She stood at the edge of the wall leading into the Mess. She waved Kaidan forward, and he made a beeline for the showers.

She started to breathe a sigh of relief, which ended in a gulp as she turned around and came face to face with Joker.

He was staring at her, a doughnut raised halfway to his mouth, which was hanging open.

"Buh….Wha…" He gurgled, eyes darting wildly between her, and the direction Kaidan had just fled.

Shepard got right in his face, and he backed away hastily, waving his doughnut in defense. She advanced until he was backed into a corner.

"Not a word. Understand me, flight lieutenant?" She hissed at him.

"Yes ma'am. Not a word" He cowered.

She snatched the doughnut out of his hand, and retreated back to her cabin. She wouldn't have enjoyed the doughnut quite so much if she had noticed Garrus, standing off to the side, sipping his coffee. Watching quietly.

00oo00oo00

Joker pulled the Normandy into the dock at the Citadel. The Council had finally seen reason, and was massing a multi-species fleet to deal with Saren and the geth.

 _Its about freaking time_ Shepard grumbled to herself as she finished putting her hair into a tidy bun, and straightened her dress blues.

Liara had once again performed a mind meld with Shepard to get the information from the Prothean beacon on Virmire. This time it had actually been useful. Liara had been able to decipher that the needed to get to Ilos to locate the conduit.

Shepard went down to the airlock to wait for Garrus and Kaidan, who were coming with her to the council meeting.

Garrus was lounging casually against the wall when she arrived, and he gave her a decidedly sinister grin.

"So, how are you feeling Shepard?" he asked it casually, but there was something about his tone that made Shepard wary.

"I feel fine Garrus. Why?"

"Oh, I was just wondering if you were getting enough rest is all. I know how hard it was for you on Virmire, and wanted to make sure you were…sleeping ok."

Jane narrowed her eyes at him. He was looking at her with an innocent expression and he was positively oozing smugness.

She raised her finger and poked it into his armoured chest. "And why are you so interested in how I am sleeping Garrus?"

He buffed his talons on his armour, still looking smug. "I care about you Commander. Just wanted to make sure you aren't having any issues with… Distractions." He finished, giving her a slow wink as Kaidan came around the corner.

A blush crept up her neck and she glared at the Turian so ferociously Kaidan stopped short, head swiveling to look back and forth between them.

"Uh, Commander? Is everything ok?" He asked, taking a step closer to her so he was slightly between her and Garrus.

Gritting her teeth, she answered, "Oh I'm fine. Garrus here was just telling me that he wanted me to take over calibrating the guns for him."

 _Even if he does suspect something about Kaidan and I, that was totally worth it._ Shepard thought as Garrus's mandibles flared wildly and he sputtered at her.

She shot him a triumphant grin, "Lets go meet Udina."

They reached the council chambers, and Earth's councillor was waiting for them impatiently.

The councillors and Udina congratulated her on gathering the information about Saren and confirmed that they had extra patrols and guards on the Citadel in case of an attack.

"You think a blockade is going to stop him? He could be on Ilos looking for the conduit right now! What are you doing about that?" Shepard was flabbergasted. After everything she had sent them, everything she and her team had been through; they thought that putting a few extra ships around the Citadel was going to be enough?

She tried to convince them of the danger, make them see that they _had_ to get to Ilos and stop him.

Their response was to threaten her.

"You bastard! You're selling us out!" Kaidan exploded at Udina.

Jane was shocked, of all the people to lose their cool, Kaidan was the last one she would have expected.

Udina proceeded to lock down the Normandy, grounding them. He then dismissed them from council chambers and told them they were no longer needed.

Jane boiled with rage. _That stupid, arrogant, prick! He thinks he can just play politics and the Reapers would just what? Go away?_

They made their way back to the Normandy, and Shepard headed to her locker, intending to change so she could go beat the shit out of the heavy bag in the cargo bay.

She fumbled at the lock, but couldn't get it to open. "Son of a bitch!" She snarled, and smashed her hand into the locker. She heard soft footsteps behind her, and she knew it would be Kaidan.

The rage melted away, and was replaced by crushing disappointment.

After everything they had done, it still wasn't enough. She had failed, again.

She turned and slumped to the floor, leaning her back against the lockers.

"Commander are you alright? I'm sure there's a way to appeal. We are under Alliance authority after all, not the council." He was looking at her with concern, and she knew he was trying to help. Trying to stay positive.

"Official channels are closed. They were _quite_ clear about that." She knew she sounded bitter, but she couldn't stop. The feeling of failure was a crushing weight on her shoulders.

Kaidan looked down at her, arching his eyebrow at her. "Closed. And we're supposed to accept that?"

His face became angry, and he stared at her furiously. "So where do you think the best view will be when the Reapers roll through? If we have to sit it out, we may as well get a good seat." He was breathing hard, and it was the closet she had seen him to loosing control.

His biotics flared briefly at his fingertips, and he clenched his hands into fists, his jaw tight with the effort to quell his rage. It was then Shepard realized that he cared just as much as her. It was a slap in the face to every member of the team. It was a kick in the gut at Ash's sacrifice.

"We are out of the game, for now. I need you to be there while I figure things out." She wanted him to understand that they all needed to stand together. She would make this right for them.

He blew out his breath, and pinched the bridge of his nose. After a moment he looked down at her again. "You know you can count on me, or any of the crew Commander" He said it in his best lieutenant voice.

Jane looked up at him, so straight and strong. The perfect Alliance soldier. She needed him to be strong, but not just as her lieutenant. She wanted him to be strong for her.

"C'mon Kaidan. I can get a salute from anyone on this ship." She hadn't meant for her voice to sound so frustrated, and she softened as she continued. "Sometimes, I need a shoulder."

Kaidan's face softened, and his eyes warmed as he met hers. "Yeah… I always leave a way out, you know that." He rubbed a hand across the back of his neck. His eyes met hers and a thrill stole through her at the intensity in them.

"I'm here for you. We're in a rough spot, and the last thing I want to do is muddy things." His voice might be saying be careful, but his eyes were definitely not. "Like it's all that clear to start with."

He took a deep breath and straightened up, every inch of his 6'2" frame filled with determination.

"Are we the pride of the fleet or not? Are we valued agents, or just peons?"

Jane sighed, happy he was determined to get the job done, but at the same time wishing he could be _her_ Kaidan for a moment. The Kaidan who hugged her and told her she was brave and that he had feelings for her.

"You can't just pull out a good old fashioned 'it'll be alright,' can you?" She asked him, smiling wryly.

He looked slightly shocked for a moment, then chuckled. "It's that easy huh? Okay then. Everything will be fine, Shepard. You'll figure it out." He smiled at her, and she smiled back.

Her resolve was returning, and she knew she wouldn't be sitting this one out, Council be damned.

"That wasn't so hard no was it?" She teased Kaidan, purposefully trying to lighten the mood. She was going to round up the troops, and come up with some kind of plan.

Kaidan had a look on his face she hadn't really seen before. It was like he was gearing up to say something he was nervous about, and didn't know how to go about it.

"I could get used to it… I guess we have some down time to figure out what we are huh." He stepped closer and reached his hand down to help her up.

She reached out and took it, and when their hands met a spark flashed between them. Kaidan's biotics flared, and he pulled her harder than he meant to.

She rose from the ground fast, and was crushed up against his chest. His put his arm around her waist to steady her, and when she didn't pull away he left it there.

Jane met his amber gaze and could feel both of their hearts beating fast. She leaned in closer to him, and he tightened his arm around her waist. Their eyes were steady on each other and the moment stretched on. Their breath mingled together as they came closer, lips almost touching.

"Sorry to interrupt Commander. Got a message from Captain Anderson." Jokers voice came over the comm.

They stayed for the briefest of moments, then each took a step back, their eyes never breaking contact.

Shepard could have killed Joker.

"Are you spying on us Joker?" She asked it in a cold voice, and Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

"No Ma'am! Just knew you were on the ship and figured I'd pass the message on." The pilots voice was dripping with politeness, and Shepard knew he was probably worried she was gonna go up to the bridge and rip him a new one.

She sighed, and shrugged wryly at Kaidan as though to say _'Boy, don't we have the luck'._ He gave her a strained smile in return.

"Give me the message."

Jokers voice came back across the comm, speaking in a rush. "The Captain said to meet him at that club, Flux. The one down on the wards."

She met Kaidan's eyes, and he stepped away. "I guess you better go then." His voice sounded full of regret, and Shepard knew that soon, they were going to have to sort out whatever it was between them.

"You're coming too Kaidan. If hitting a club to wallow in our misery is what Anderson has in mind, I want you wallowing with me."

Anderson had grabbed a table at the back away from the dance floor, and Shepard pulled up a chair and sat next to him. Wrex leaned against the wall, he had wanted to join when he overheard Shepard saying she was ready for a good stiff drink, and had tagged along.

Kaidan just stood shuffling a bit as though unsure of what to do. Shepard nudged another chair out for him with her foot. He sat next to her, clearly a little uneasy around Anderson.

"I'm glad you came Shepard. I heard what happened." Andersons voice was low, and she could hear the sympathy in his voice.

"They pulled me off the mission. Just like when they forced you to give up the Normandy." Her voice was bitter, and she signaled the waitress for a drink.

Anderson leaned forward, looking her dead in the eye. "I know you're pissed off right now." She snorted inelegantly _'you can say that again'_ She thought. "But you can't give up. They all think this is over…but we know its not. We have to go to Ilos. We have to stop Saren from using the Conduit." Anderson was staring hard at her, some unreadable emotion on his face.

"There is only one ship that can get me into the Terminus systems undetected, and she's grounded."

The waitress deposited a round of drinks on the table and Shepard downed hers, bitterness creeping up on her again.

"Ambassador Udina issued the lockdown order. If I can hack the computer in his office, maybe I can override it." Shepard recognized the look on Andersons face now. Recklessness. She just gaped at him, unable to form words.

"He's not just gonna let you waltz into his office and use his computer." Kaidan blurted out, then looked slightly sick as he realized he has just back talked someone willing to help them, who had a _much_ higher rank than himself.

Anderson looked at her lieutenant with a slightly pitying look on his face. "Hopefully he wont be there. If he is…I'll just have to think of something."

Shepard's head whirled to look at Kaidan, who definitely looked panicked now, but couldn't seem to stop the flow of words spilling from his mouth.

"Udina wont let this slide Captain. You'll be charged with treason! A capital offense."

Anderson looked at him calmly. "We don't have a lot of options."

Shepard looked back and forth between Anderson who looked calm and resigned, and Kaidan who looked like he wished he was dead.

Anderson turned his calm face to her and said "You ready to get the hell off this station Commander?"

Jane stood, and triumphant smile spreading across her face. That bastard Udina was in for it now. She had seen Anderson in action, and once he started, the plan would not fail.

"Let's do it!" She grinned at her old Captain, who grinned back, then clasped her hand and brought her in for a chest bump.

While they hauled ass back to the Normandy she brought Joker up on the comm and got him to gather everyone in the debriefing room. There was no way she would steal an Alliance ship and commit treason and not tell her people. They deserved the choice.

Once they were all gathered, she looked at them gravely. "All right everyone. We are going to Ilos." She held up her hand for silence as they cheered. "But we aren't going as part of the Alliance."

Confusion ran through the team. Kaidan looked at her, and gave her a slight nod of encouragement, even though he still looked ill at the thought of betraying the council and the Alliance.

"Right now Captain Anderson is trying to break into Councillor Udina's office and break the grounding orders on the Normandy. Once he succeeds I am taking the ship and going to Ilos to find the Conduit and stop Saren. Once we do this, we are committing an act of treason, and may be prosecuted upon our return. Anyone who joins us also faces this risk."

She looked around the room, and met the eyes of the team that had stuck with her so far.

"Well I'll be coming Commander. There's no way in hell I would let anyone else take my baby… I mean the ship through the Mu relay." Joker stepped forward, face red.

"Yeah Shepard, how can you expect to take down a bad ass Turian, without another bad ass Turian watching your six?" Garrus rumbled, grinning at her.

One by one the team stepped forward until it was just Kaidan, leaning against a wall with his arms folded over his chest.

Everyone slowly turned to face him, and he looked at them all, confused. Garrus leaned over to him and whispered something. He flushed bright red and stepped forward quickly.

"Of course I am coming with you Shepard… I thought you'd just know." He trailed off lamely.

The iron bands that had been tightening around her chest every time someone other than Kaidan stepped forward released, and she breathed a sigh of relief. She knew how important his career with the Alliance was to him, and Jane had been sick with the thought he wouldn't be coming.

She smiled widely at him and said "Alright everyone, to your stations. Now its up to Anderson."

She followed Joker up to the Bridge and they waited for the docking mechanism to release.

Five minutes passed, then ten. Joker twisted in his chair to look at her, and she stomped down the fission of nervousness that Anderson wouldn't get it done.

With a flash of green light and a whoop from Joker, the docking clamps released.

"Let's go! Get us out of here Joker, now!" Jane spun and headed for the CIC, while Joker grinned and began punching commands to get them out of the dock.

 _Good luck Anderson, and thank you_. Jane thought, heading for her cabin as they cleared the Citadel, and Joker hit the FTL drive.


	12. Chapter 12

**Authors Note: Just to give fair warning for those who don't enjoy this, we are entering into smut territory with this Chapter.**

 **That being said, I worked hard on this chapter, and hope you enjoy the tone I set, for you that _do_ enjoy this :)**

 **Ka'Dira Ezra, You rock.**

 **(I know, I know...Two in one day! Surprise!)**

Chapter Twelve

Kaidan tried to keep busy. He really did.

All he could think about was Jane. He had put everything on the line for her. Literally. He could lose his career; he could go to prison.

They could all die.

Even with all that, all he wanted was to grab a hold of her and never let go.

He put down his pistol, the one he had already cleaned three times in an attempt to stay away from Shepard, and stood still, reflecting on their circumstances. They still had hours before they would reach the Mu Relay.

He straightened his shoulders. _Screw the regs._

He headed for the elevator and as he waited for it to get down to the cargo deck, tapping his foot anxiously. When it arrived the doors opened with a soft whoosh, and Garrus stepped off. The Turian looked him up and down slowly. Then he flared his mandibles, inclined his head.

"Kaidan. You have a good night now." He strolled away, humming.

Kaidan's eyebrows were raised. ' _That was weird'_

He took the elevator up and then went straight towards Jane's quarters. He saw Joker and nodded at him, but the pilot spun around so fast and headed in the other direction, Kaidan wasn't sure if Joker had even seen him.

He stepped up to her cabin door and took a deep breath. _Ok Alenko. Time to make your move._

The doors opened quietly, and he stepped through them. She was seated at her desk, data pads strewn all about. She turned to see who had entered and stood when she saw him.

"Commander."

She cocked a hip out to the side, and folder her arms under her breasts. "You probably shouldn't call me that." She laughed a little and gestured down at herself. "I probably shouldn't even be wearing this uniform."

He smiled at her, his eyes appreciating how very well she filled out said uniform.

"Yeah. Hell of a thing. We broke our oath to defend the Alliance, so we can keep it." He shook his head slightly at the craziness of it all. "What happens if this doesn't work out Shepard? I mean we mutinied. Stole a prototype war ship. If they wanted to get technical, they could throw in kidnapping." He smiled at her in exasperation, "We are a hell of an example of humanities best and brightest huh?"

He knew their chances of success were good. Shepard was the greatest soldier the Alliance had. She always got the job done. But it was still a massive thing they had done, and he was a bit worried about the consequences.

"You said it. I keep reminding myself we are doing the right thing." She laughed a bit, shaking her head. "I don't believe me yet."

Kaidan took a step closer to her. His heart sped up and he licked his lower lip nervously. "Well, if I didn't think you were doing the right thing, I wouldn't be here. It'll really hit the fan when we get to Ilos."

He took a step closer again. Jane still hadn't moved. She stood stood there looking up at him with those green eyes. _God, he could get lost in them forever._ He cleared his throat. "If things don't go well, I want you to know… well. I've enjoyed serving under you."

Shepard's eyes flashed with humor, and before he could think why she thought what he said was funny, she said wickedly "Kaidan, I don't think I've had the pleasure of you serving under me."

This time it was she that moved closer to him, a mischievous gleam in her eye. "Don't you think its time to… rectify that?"

She slid her hand out and put it on his shoulder.

Kaidan laughed, and put a hand over his heart. "Ouch, I walked right into that didn't I?"

He stepped in, and put his hands on her hips. "We could get drummed out of the service for fraternization. Of course we'll probably get the firing squad for mutiny." He leaned closer to her, bringing his face down to hers, their eyes locked.

"But you're right. About everything." He brought his hand up, cupping her face. "When I think about losing you, I can't stand it. The galaxy will just keep going. Everything, including the Reapers will come around again."

He lowered his forehead to hers, his heart was racing, and so was hers. She was breathing fast and leaning into him.

"But you and I … We are important right now. This is what will never happen again. Us"

He pulled his forehead away from hers so he could look in her eyes. He needed to see her face. He needed to know how she felt. "Shepard. You make me feel…Human."

It cost him to say it, but it was the truth. No one, not even another biotic had ever made him feel this way. Like he was just a man, and not a freak. Jane made him want to be better, to do better. Jane liked him exactly how he was.

"Kaidan, you are human." She leaned in close, her lips against his ear. "…And I can make you feel much more than that." Her lips moved against the sensitive skin as she said it, and he shivered slightly.

"Come here" She pulled him towards her, her hand looped around the back of his neck.

"Is that an order Commander?" He teased, aching to see the quick flash of her smile.

He was rewarded when she grinned and pulled his mouth to hers. "Shut up and get over here."

Their lips met, and it was as though electricity moved through them lightning quick. This time they weren't drunk, and their senses weren't dulled by booze. This time, Tali wouldn't be stopping them.

They came up for air and he couldn't help but tease her as she started to undo the buttons on his shirt.

"Careful Shepard. I might think that you're abusing your authority…A serious breach of protocol." He leaned in and lightly bit her lower lip.

She abruptly abandoned the buttons and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer to her and deepening the kiss. She was pressed fully against him and his heart was thundering in his chest.

She moaned softly and the tight rein on his control slipped a notch. He slid his hand down her back and over her perfectly shaped ass, lifting her so she could wrap her legs around his waist.

She clamped onto him and fisted her fingers in his hair. She devoured him. Every molecule in his body felt electrified. He walked slowly forward so her back was braced against the wall, and then his hands were moving.

Jane pushed into the wall with her back and gripped him tightly with her thighs. Her hands were back on the buttons, and when she couldn't get her fingers to work she pulled the sides of the shirt apart with a little growl, sending buttons flying everywhere.

The shirt gaped open and he and sucked in a breath as she ran her hands over his chest and down his abs. She leaned in and kissed the side of his neck, nibbling and planting soft kisses up to his ear.

She put her hand on the back of his neck, pulling him down to kiss her and her thumb brushed against his amp port.

He gasped against her mouth and surged against her as his nerves fired like an electric current had run through him. She pulled back slightly to look at him, concerned.

Her mouth was swollen and her cheeks a bit red from his stubble. Her eyes were heavy lidded and full of desire. She had never been more beautiful.

"I'm good Jane. My port is…extremely sensitive. I usually can't stand to let people touch near it, but with you. God, with you, its like sparks."

"It didn't hurt?" She asked him softly, her thumb tracing circles on the back of his neck.

In answer he stepped back, so she had to clamp her legs tighter around him as he tugged her shirt off over her head.

She was in a black lace bra, and Kaidan marveled at her toned body. She was all soft curves and iron muscle, and she looked better in that bra than anyone ever had a right to.

He brought her back to his chest and kissed her again, deftly undoing the clasp and letting the bra fall to the floor. He cupped her breasts in his hands, and she gave a soft moan that fired his blood.

Jane leaned forward, making him back up. The back of his knees hit the end of the bed and he sat with her straddling him. His hands roamed over her form and she gave herself over to him completely. He reached up and released her hair from its bun, so it shrouded them in a halo of golden silk.

He rolled them so he was on top of her and grinned roguishly at her. She looked up at him with her glorious hair fanned out beneath her on the bed.

He moved in and started leaving a trail of kisses from her neck, over her collarbone, and down the side of her breast. He took the tip gently in his mouth, and sucked hard, nipping her a little.

Her breath sucked in and she squirmed underneath him with a gasp. He released her and she looked up at him. "Did that hurt?" He continued to place small kisses across her chest.

Understanding bloomed on her face and she pulled him back down to her, kissing him passionately. He loved that she understood the feeling of what her touching his amp port did to him instantly.

Shepard pushed him up and sat straight, her fingers working deftly on his belt buckle. He pushed off the bed and stood, pulling her up with him. Their hands worked frantically at each others clothes, their mouths never breaking contact.

As she pushed his shirt off his shoulders, Shepards hands slowed. She started raining soft kisses all along his collarbone. She moved around so she was standing behind him, her hands lightly running over all the planes of his body.

When she stood on tiptoe behind him and brushed her lips lightly against the base of his port, he groaned loudly, his bod unable to control the reaction that surged through him. He flared blue briefly, and they were both engulfed in the swirling blue of his biotics.

Shepard spun him around and pushed him down on the bed. She crawled slowly over him, the ends of her hair leaving a trail of fire everywhere they brushed against him.

Kaidan swallowed hard. His was holding on to his control with his fingertips now, and it was slipping more with every kiss Shepard placed on him. When she took him slowly into her mouth, the reins were snatched from his hands, and his control fled into the distance.

He pulled her up to him and rolled, trapping her beneath him. She kissed him deeply and arched against him. She fisted her hand into his hair and pulled his head to she side, exposing his neck to her mouth. She nipped and sucked her way along his neck, and he shuddered every time her teeth scraped along his skin.

Their bodies came together in a furious tangled of limbs and he lost himself completely in her, biotics flaring, sending blue swirls of tingling lights over them both. Kaidan looked down into her face and knew he would never be the same again.

00oo00oo00

Jane woke up slowly. She was curled around Kaidan, her leg draped over his and her head resting on his chest.

She eased herself back slowly until she could see his face. His handsome features were relaxed in sleep, and the stubble had darkened along his jaw. She reached out a ran a gentle hand down his face, barely touching, using the tips of her fingers to memorize every inch of it.

The last of the walls she had kept firm around her heart since her parents died crumpled like dust, as she looked at him.

She was head over heels, crazy in love with him. And they were about to risk everything to take down Saren.

Jane eased out of the bed slowly, careful not to wake him. She gathered up her clothes, and snickered a little when she saw the buttons from his shirt strewn around the room.

She dressed quickly and silently, all the while her mind racing. What was this going to mean for them when this was over? Would he get a new posting on another ship so they could be together without breaking regs?

Her heart ached at the thought of him not working with her. She loved having his calm, steady presence on missions, and they had developed a synchronized rhythm when they were in the field.

She didn't know what she would do if she couldn't see his face everyday.

Jane finished dressing and leaned against the desk, watching him sleep. He stirred slightly, then sat up blinking a little blearily at her perched on the desk.

He looked at her steadily, and smiled. She smiled back a little shyly. It had been over a year since she had been with anyone, and back then it had been a one night stand to blow off steam.

"It's been a long time since I met a woman who uh…"

Joker's voice came loudly across the comm speakers, cutting across Kaidan. "Bridge to Commander Shepard. We are five minutes out from the Mu Relay."

He smiled wryly at the interruption, and Jane met his eyes and sighed in disappointment.

There was so much she wanted to say. She wanted to tell him she loved him, that she would do whatever it took to make this work. But now, there was no time.

"I know what you wanted to say. You're a sweetheart Kaidan." She said it softly, wishing they had more time.

Kaidan sighed and shoved a hand through his hair. He scooted to the end of the bed, and held a hand out towards her.

She stepped closer to him and took his warm, calloused hand in hers.

"I know Jokers waiting for you on the bridge, I swear though, if anything happens to you… Take care Shepard." He squeezed her hand, and she squeezed back. She bent and gave him a quick kiss, then turned and headed for the bridge, before the tears of happiness and fear she felt burning behind her eyes had a chance to fall.


	13. Chapter 13

Authors Note: Thank you to everyone reading along, and following my story. As always thank you to my fabulous beta reader Ka'Dira Ezra.

Reviews are welcome.

Chapter Thirteen

Shepard, Joker, Pressley, Kaidan, Liara and Tali were all crammed onto the bridge as the Normandy cleared the Mu Relay.

"Uh, Commander? We've got company." Joker's stress was showing in his voice. Clearly he hadn't been prepared for clearing the Relay and arriving into a cluster of Geth ships.

Liara was slightly panicked as she called out "Have their sensor's picked us up yet?"

Joker spun is his chair and shot her a scathing look. "The stealth systems _are_ engaged. Unless we get close enough for a visual, they wont have any idea we are here."

The atmosphere on the bridge was tense, and Shepard needed to take charge of the situation before the team got too wired up.

Pressley was at the planetary monitor and was frantically mashing buttons and pulling up different screens. "I am picking up some strange readings from the planets surface."

Tali hustled over to join him, muttering to herself quietly.

"Take us down Joker. Lock in on the coordinates." Shepard rolled her shoulders, prepping herself mentally for the gruelling fight they were about to get into.

Tali cursed at the same time Pressley spun around and said sharply "Negative on that Commander! The nearest landing zone is over two clicks away."

The bridge was rapidly descending into chaos. Her team members were all trying to talk over each other, and Shepard was about to yell at them to shut up so she could think when Kaidan stepped forward and pitched his voice to be heard over the din.

"We'll never make it in time on foot. Get us something closer!" His voice rang with authority, and for the briefest of moments Shepard could see what a strong leader he would become.

"There is nowhere closer! I've looked!" Pressley snapped.

"Drop us in the Mako." Stunned silence greeted Shepard's command.

"You need at least a hundred metres of open terrain to pull off a drop like that… The most I can find near Saren is twenty!" Pressley was looking at her, a slow sort of horror blooming on his face as she met his look steadily.

"Twenty meters? We'll never get in close enough for a drop." Kaidan's voice was shocked, his eyes horrified as he looked at her.

She knew she would have to risk it. It was their only shot.

"We have to try!" Liara spoke up again, echoing Shepard's thoughts.

"Find another landing zone." Kaidan ordered Pressley, desperate for any other approach.

Pressley turned, his face resigned and defeated. "There is no other landing zone."

"Shepard…" It was Tali's voce now, soft and pleading. "The descent angle is too steep"

Shepard closed her eyes for a moment, gathering her thoughts as Kaidan and Liara argued.

"It's our only option" Liara was almost yelling.

"It's not an option! It's a suicide run! We don't-"

"I can do it." Jokers voice cut Kaidan's shout off. The pilot said it quietly, but his voice rang with conviction. Shepard stepped forward and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Joker?"

"I can do it." He said again, looking up at her, his features set with determination.

Shepard nodded curtly at him, her faith in his skills complete. With a slight squeeze of reassurance, she released his shoulder and spun to face the rest of the team.

Liara looked terrified and Pressley just stood, mouth slightly agape as he stared at her in shock.

Kaidan met her eyes and the emotions he managed to get across in that one look were impressive. Fear. Anger. Concern. It would have brought a normal girl to her knees.

But she wasn't a normal girl. She was Commander Shepard. If she didn't get this done, no one would. She was their last hope.

"Gear up and head down to the Mako. Joker … Drop us right on top of that bastard."

He fired her a quick salute, and she hurried down to get her armour on.

00oo00oo00

Shepard clutched the controls of the Mako so tightly her hands ached. If this didn't work, her whole team would die. Kaidan strapped himself firmly into the seat beside her, and Garrus and Liara were securely harnessed in the back.

The cargo bay door slowly opened and Shepard gritted her teeth and said a quick prayer to whoever the hell might be listening that she could pull this off.

She stomped on the gas and the Mako roared down the ramp. They all lurched as they entered the free fall. Shepard engaged the thrusters full power, but the ground seemed to rush up so fast. Liara was screaming and even Garrus let out a yell as they crashed into the ground with stupendous force.

The Mako bounced hard, and Shepard used all her strength on the controls to keep them from rolling. They skidded spectacularly and came to a stop, feet from a door that just closed behind Saren and his geth.

"Everybody out!" Shepard yelled as they all scrabbled at the release on their harnesses. Kaidan made it out first, and took a couple shaky steps, then just stood bent over with his hands on his knees, breathing deeply.

Liara was vomiting by the back of the Mako, which was smoking slightly, and Garrus stormed up to her saying "Spirits Shepard, I think I aged ten years!"

Shepard grinned at them all. "Oh, ye of little faith!" She laughed with relief and went up to the massive door in front of them to inspect it.

There was no way through the door that they could find, so Shepard took the team to scout for a way to get it open.

There were geth everywhere, and they battled what felt like endless hordes of the machines before they found an elevator that took them deeper down into the complex. Even Shepard, with her extensive training in cartography had trouble not getting turned around.

They came out of a long underground hallway into a circular room, with some very creepy looking statues in it. Shepard froze raising her arm so the others would do the same.

Her skin was crawling, and she felt like they were walking into a trap.

She signaled Garrus to set up, and moved into point position. She walked slowly up beside a statue and just as she cleared it a geth colossus unfolded in front of them. They scattered, and it blasted a rocket at Liara, who wasn't quite fast enough.

Liara was blown onto a pile of rubble, while Shepard bounced up from her cover threw a grenade, opening fire with her sub machine gun.

It felt like it took forever to bring it down, and more geth kept appearing. Kaidan had moved as close to Liara as he could get, to make sure none of the geth got too close to the downed Asari. When the colossus finally exploded, Shepard was bone tired, and terrified for Liara who hadn't moved.

Kaidan had his emergency kit out and was scanning her. "She's fine commander, knocked out is all. She must have gotten her shield up in time."

The bands around Shepard's chest loosened. She had been terrified when Liara was so still, and hadn't moved even with the battle raging all around her.

Kaidan gave the Asari a stimulant shot, and she slowly stirred.

While they waited for Liara to get her bearings, Shepard ordered everyone to have a quick energy gel to keep their reserves up. No use dropping from exhaustion, they needed to refuel while they had the chance.

Once Liara was up, they continued to explore the room, and discovered a ramp leading to a sort of observation deck.

There were ancient looking security panels all around the room, although none seemed to work. Shepard reached out and trailed her hand across one, and it lit up with a strange green glow.

A warped hologram projected from the panel, filled with static and snatches of sentences about battles, and not being able to escape from something.

Garrus and Liara were discussing the fact that they couldn't understand it, and that it must be in Prothean language.

A chill ran through Shepard, and Kaidan stepped closer to her in concern.

"You can't understand it?" She asked them slowly.

Understanding dawned on Liara's face instantly. "Of course. Between the beacons and the cipher, and understanding of the Protheans language must have been transferred to your mind."

The snatches continued from the panel and Shepard heaved a frustrated sigh. "It said something about the conduit, but it is too damaged to help. We should move on."

They group continued on through the ruins, taking out the small bands of geth they encountered until Liara found the panel that would open the door, allowing them to continue in the Mako.

"You know Shepard; you might want to let me drive…" Garrus said as they all piled back into the vehicle.

"Ha! Nice try Vakarian."

The engine roared and the Mako sped through the doorway and after Saren.

00oo00oo00

Shepard chuckled as she mowed down yet another geth trooper as they sped through the underground tunnel in pursuit of Saren.

Kaidan looked at her warily; she was definitely enjoying this. Liara was muttering prayers to the goddess, and Garrus was looking pointedly at the walls rushing past them, his jaw clenched tight.

Kaidan clutched his harness tighter as Shepard hit a bump and the Mako launched into the air while she whooped with glee.

The vehicle started to slow suddenly and they all breathed with relief as they rolled to a stop.

"There is some kind of barrier blocking the path, lets go check it out."

As soon as the words were out of Shepard's mouth there was a mad scramble as they all tried to claw their way out of the Mako at the same time.

Kaidan looked at Shepard sheepishly as she cocked her eyebrow at him. "C'mon, I'm not that bad!"

"Whatever you say Ma'am." He replied, dodging her glare.

There was a path leading off the one side of the Mako and they started down it, staying alert and keeping a sharp eye out for an ambush.

There was another elevator at the end of the path, and a sense of foreboding filled Kaidan as it descended lower and lower into the bowels of the ruin.

When they stepped off the elevator there were in a _huge_ room. It was full of some sort of glowing pods, and was being slowly overtaken by plants and roots. At the very end, there was another security panel, and Kaidan felt his heart lurch as it too lit up green at Shepard's approach.

" **You are not Prothean. But you are not machine either. This eventuality was one of many that was anticipated. This is why we sent our warning through the beacons."**

The tone of the projection was one of extreme calm. Kaidan was shocked at how it sounded. It had sub harmonics, and sounded almost…Turian.

"Looks like some kind of V.I Program. Pretty badly damaged." Garrus started to take a step closer, but was stopped by Shepard's arm blocking him. She must not have wanted to risk him getting close, in case it triggered something like the beacon on Eden Prime.

" **I do not sense the taint of indoctrination upon any of you. Unlike the other that passed recently. Perhaps there is still hope."**

Liara couldn't contain herself anymore, and whispered reverently "This is incredible. An actual Prothean VI, and I can understand it."

" **I have been monitoring your communications since you arrived at this facility. I have translated my output into a format you will comprehend. My name is Vigil. You are safe here at the moment. But that is likely to change. Soon, nowhere will be safe."**

Kaidan looked over at Shepard, slightly concerned. She was looking at the V.I with a frightening look of concentration. She hadn't spoken since they got off the elevator.

"Why did you bring me here?" She asked the V.I bluntly.

" **You must break a cycle that has continued for millions of years. But to stop it, you must understand or you will make the same mistakes we did. The citadel is the heart of of your civilization and the seat of your government. As it was with us, and it has been with every civilization that came before us."**

 _Wait what? I thought the Protheans made the Citadel?_ Kaidan thought, confused.

Vigil continued **"But the Citadel is a trap. The station is actually an enormous Mass Relay. One that links to dark space, the empty void beyond the galaxy's horizon. When the Citadel relay is activated, the Reapers will pour through. And all you know will be destroyed."**

The team looked at each other in horror.

Shepard's face was bone white, and her voice was full of shock.

"If he turns on the relay, the Reapers can wipe out the council and the Citadel fleet in one fell swoop!" She said, and Kaidan heard a tone of disbelief in her voice.

" **That was our fate. Our leaders were dead before we even realised we were under attack. The Reapers seized control of the Citadel and through it, the Mass Relays. Communication and transportation across our empire were crippled. Each star system was isolated, cut off from the others. Easy prey for the Reaper fleet."**

Kaidan stood as though rooted to the ground. Each word the V.I said was like a knife. Its cold recounting of what had happened to the Protheans continued.

" **Over the next decades, the Reapers systematically obliterated our people. World by world, system by system, they methodically wiped us out."**

Liara had silent tears rolling down her face.

"Some of you must have managed to survive." Shepard said. Kaidan could see on her face that she was looking for some ray of hope to grasp onto.

" **Through the Citadel, the Reapers had access to all our records, maps, census data. Information is power, and they knew everything about us. Their fleets advanced across every settled region of the galaxy. Some worlds were utterly destroyed. Others were conquered, their populations enslaved."**

Shepard looked as through she had been slapped. She clenched her jaw and threw her shoulders back as the V.I talked about the enslavement of entire populations. Kaidan's heart ached at the memories that must be flashing through her mind.

" **These indoctrinated servants became sleeper agents under Reaper control. Taken in as refugees by other Protheans, they betrayed them to the machines. Within a few centuries, the Reapers had killed or enslaved every Prothean in the galaxy. They were relentless, brutal, and absolutely thorough."**

The silence that followed the V.I's matter of fact description of its people's annihilation was absolute.

Kaidan and Shepard locked eyes, and instead of seeing the pain he expected, he saw that they were full of a blistering determination. She stepped forward, her voce as hard as steel.

"You said you brought me here for a reason. Tell me what I need to do."

Shepard and the V.I continued to speak back and forth, with her getting more and more agitated at what was being revealed.

The Protheans had managed to hack the signal to the keepers that the Reapers needed to get their fleet back from dark space. So when Sovereign had tried to call his fleet, the signal had failed. The conduit was a back door onto the Citadel, and if Saren used it, he could transfer control to Sovereign, and the whole Reaper fleet would be able to descend upon them.

The V.I transferred a data file to Shepard that would allow her to upload on the station, giving her a brief window of control over the station.

The V.I was fading, its glow growing dimmer by the second. **"The one you call Saren has not reached the conduit, if you hurry you can catch him."**

"Let's move!" Shepard yelled, and they double timed it back to the Mako.

The barrier was no longer there, and Shepard didn't even wait for them to strap into the harnesses before she gunned the engine and tore down the tunnel.

00oo00oo00

After mowing down, blasting, and shooting their way through an army of geth, Shepard stopped the Mako at the top of a long, steep, water filled tube. The Conduit gleamed in the distance.

She looked over at him, and Kaidan felt a fission of nerves skitter down his spine at the look in her eyes. Her face was set in stone, and her eyes were filled with a fanatic determination.

Before he could say anything, they were moving.

The Mako picked up more and more speed, until it was shaking under the demands Shepard had placed on it. The vehicle shuddered under the impact of the bullets and rockets being fired upon it by the small army of geth blocking the Conduit.

"Uhh, Shepard?" Garrus called, his voice sounding a little nervous.

"I know" Her teeth were gritted, and there was sweat pouring down her face.

"Uhh, Shepard!" Garrus called again, his voice much higher pitched this time.

"I KNOW!" She screamed and pushed the Mako harder as Liara closed her eyes and prayed.

Kaidan kept his eyes locked on Shepard's face, knowing that this could be it. It could be last they ever saw of each other.

A rocket exploded into the front of the Mako, and Shepard couldn't avoid the Colossus that fired it.

The crashed into it, and it exploded beneath them, rocking the Mako to the side. Shepard wrenched the controls as hard as she could to get them back on course and hit the ramp in front of the Conduit, launching them into the air.

"Brace!" Shepard screamed as they blew out of the conduit in a spectacular flash of light. The Mako hit the ground on the Citadel hard, and before they knew what happened, they were in a full barrel role.

Kaidan was tossed around in his harness like a rag doll, his head smashing into the armoured door next to him.

Everything went black.

Beep. Beep. Beep. The alarm seemed to come from far away, and for a moment Kaidan thought he was in his bunk on the Normandy. He opened his eyes and realized he was in the Mako, and the memory of what happened flashed through his mind.

"Uunnhhh" He groaned, his head ringing. He didn't know how much time had passed. He was hanging upside down in his safety harness. There was smoke everywhere, and the control panel in front of him was sparking and flashing a critical failure message.

"Shepard?" He called, coughing slightly.

Dread filled his entire body as he looked over and saw her hanging limply in her harness, arms dangling towards the roof.

"Shepard!" Kaidan unbuckled as fast as he could, wincing as he crashed into the roof of the Mako when he was released. He scrambled over to her, and covered her in a biotic field as he undid her, lowering her gently to the ground.

"Garrus? Liara?" He called out as he started checking her over. He almost sobbed with relief when he felt a strong, steady pulse under his fingers.

"Yeah Kaidan, we are fine. I am gonna try get this door open." Garrus started kicking at the door of the Mako.

"Shepard, c'mon. You have to wake up now." He patted her face, looking for any sign of awareness. He scanned her, but she didn't seem to have any permanent damage. He wanted to give her a bit more time before administering a stimulant. They could mess up a biotic, making them feel they had more reserves than they actually did, causing them to blow their amps.

With a crash the door flew open, and Garrus started crawling out, followed by a coughing Liara.

"It's clear out here, looks like we are on the Presidium." Garrus called. He poked his head back in the Mako, freezing when he saw Shepard's limp form.

"Wake up Jane, we still have work to do here. C'mon now, we need you to wake up." Kaidan murmured softly and still tapping Shepard's face lightly.

She groaned, stirring slightly. "Kaidan?"

"Yeah Shepard, it's me." His voice was weak with relief, and he shot a huge grin at Garrus, who heaved a sigh of relief and flashed his teeth in return.

She struggled to sit up, and he moved behind her to support her back.

"Just stay still for a minute Jane, I am going to check out your head." He punched the command into his omni-tool and was pleased to see all her vitals looked good. Judging by the trickle of blood in her hairline, she had smashed her head into the door beside her just like he had.

He gave her an energy gel, and watched her sternly until she sucked it down. Her color was starting to come back.

She sat all the way up slowly, then punched a command in her omni-tool and took a shot of painkiller. She swivelled to face him, and reached her hand out towards his face.

He felt her cool fingers touch his temple, and when she drew them away, they were covered in blood.

"Jesus Kaidan, it looks like you to tried to cave your head in." She inspected him closely, then smeared medi-gel over the wound.

She made him take a pain killer and as he waited for it to kick in, he looked around.

The Mako was smoking and sparking around them, and both their faces were bloody. He remembered looking over to see her hanging there limply.

He reached out and pulled her into a hug. "I thought for a minute there…"

She squeezed him hard in return, her arms banded around him. "I know."

They drew apart and he ran a hand down her face, wiping away the last of the blood.

"Lets go get this bastard." She said, and crawled from the wreckage.


	14. Chapter 14

Authors Note: O.K guys, I really had fun with the last part of this chapter, it is definitely something that wasn't in the games, but I am sure would have come up at some point, I hope you enjoy where I took it.

Ka'Dira Ezra, your the best!

Enjoy!

Chapter Fourteen

Shepard stayed on point as the ground team scoured the wreckage of the Citadel for a way to get to Saren. Liara slowed as they came up to a damaged Avina V.I. It was reporting massive civilian casualties and geth virtually everywhere. Kaidan and Shepard locked eyes, taking the news report of the civilians hard.

"Former Spectre agent Saren Arterius is nearing the vicinity of the council chamber."

Shepard broke eye contact with Kaidan as her face whipped back to look at the Avina V.I.

"Ok team, move out." She led them to a functioning elevator and they headed towards Saren. _I got you, you bastard._

They were almost to the top when the elevator froze with a lurch. "Uh, Commander? I don't think that's a good sign…" Garrus rumbled, mandibles flaring slightly.

"Son of a bitch!" Shepard snarled. "Saren's locked the elevator! Suit up. We're going outside." The team quickly slid on their helmets and checked their seals. Once Shepard was sure everyone had activated their mag boots she blew the glass out of the elevator.

It exploded outwards with a spectacular _boom,_ and Shepard just watched for a moment as the spinning fragments flew sparkling into the distance.

Shepard had excelled in many things over her career with the Alliance. Hand to hand combat, working as a sniper, leading infiltration teams…but she had never been one hundred percent comfortable with space walks. She was filled with dread at the thought of walking along the side of the citadel in zero gravity, only the force of her mag boots keeping her from getting spaced.

"Commander?" Kaidan's voice came across the comm, slightly concerned. He came up to stand on the precipice of the elevator with her. She met his eyes, and quickly looked away, not wanting to let him see she was nervous.

She squared her shoulder and stepped straight off of the ledge. There was a horrible lurch in her stomach as she began to drift, then with a tug her boots pulled her down to the metal beam running along the outside of the elevator. She could hear the thump of the others joining her on the beam, and when she got herself oriented and looked up to find their path, she froze with a gasp.

Clamped onto the tip of the citadel was Sovereign. It flared occasionally as it squatted above them like a giant insect. She signaled the team, and they fanned out and moved, as fast as the boots would allow.

They hadn't made it far when an explosion blew out a floor in front of them, and geth started pouring out onto the beam. Kaidan blasted them with a shockwave, detaching a few and sending them spinning off into space. Shepard continued blasting away with her shotgun, preferring to be in close combat, and never stopped moving.

They got a couple defensive guns back online to help the ships fighting above them, Liara hacking frantically while Kaidan shielded her and Shepard and Garrus kept the rest at bay with their assault rifles.

They continued making their way up for what felt like hours before they got into the council chamber. They were exhausted, fighting in mag boots was never easy, and the geth seemed to be everywhere and in excessive numbers.

The chamber was crawling with geth. They seemed to spawn from the rocks and trees. Shepard continued to surge forward, getting more and more ahead of her team as they took out the remaining geth. Shepard looked ahead and watched Saren hit one last key on the console in front of him, then he leapt off the ledge he was standing on and vanished from sight.

Shepard hesitated. _Why would he jump?_ It was almost two stories down to the gardens from where they stood. She had her answer seconds later when he rose up quickly on his hover board and whinged a grenade at them.

"Move!" She roared, flinging herself to the side. She saw Garrus wrap an arm around Liara, and roll with her behind a pillar. She looked for Kaidan, but before she could spot him the grenade exploded, rocking her to the side and frying her shields.

Saren's hover board soared higher into the air and when he spotted Shepard, he spoke to her mockingly.

"I was afraid you wouldn't make it in time, Shepard."

With her shields down, a ringing headache, and fury eating at her like acid. Shepard was not in the mood. "In time for what? In time to kick your scaly ass?"

"The final confrontation. I think we both suspected it would end like this." The Turian voice was calm, almost eerie.

He continued, talking to her like she was some idiot child that didn't know the rules. "You've lost. You know that don't you? In a few minutes, Sovereign will have full control of all the Citadel's systems. The relay will open. The Reapers _will_ return."

 _Not bloody likely._ "I've still got a few tricks up my sleeve" She taunted.

"You survived our encounter on Virmire. But I've changed since then. Improved. Sovereign has…upgraded me."

Shepards blood ran cold. _Saren has been modified somehow? This isn't good._

She couldn't keep the horror out of her voice when she called out to him "You let Sovereign implant you? Are you insane?"

There was movement to her right, and she saw Kaidan slide into cover. It looked as though the blast and knocked him down the lower level, and he had been silently making his way back to her side.

Shepard kept her eyes constantly roaming, looking for any weakness she could exploit as the former Spectre explained how he had been implanted to strengthen his resolve when he had begun to fear indoctrination. He was now almost completely the Reaper's puppet.

Garrus and Liara were back in position on her flank, as she caught Kaidan's eye, using his calm gaze to steady herself against the horror of Saren's words.

He had been blended with synthetics. He was part man, part machine. Shepard knew, in a small part of her mind, that if Saren had been indoctrinated from the beginning, he could potentially be an innocent in this game they were playing.

She made one last effort to save him from his fate. "Sovereign hasn't won yet. I can stop it from taking control of the station! Step aside and the invasion will never happen!"

 _Listen to me…listen to me and I won't have to kill you._ She pleaded in her head.

Saren argued, saying it was too late and to look at the Protheans.

"Some part of you must realise this is wrong. You _can_ fight this!" She screamed at him.

Saren looked at her, swaying on his board slightly. Kaidan and Garrus lined him up in their sights while he was distracted, but she waved them down quickly. Something was happening to the ex-Spectre.

He clutched his head in his hands. "Maybe you right…maybe there is still a chance for-unh"

The Turian was groaning with pain, making horrible choking noises. "The implants…Sovereign is too strong…I'm sorry. It's too late for me!"

 _Holy shit he's fighting back!_ Desperate now to try and help him, Shepard rolled from her cover. Kaidan was swearing at her, hurriedly shifting positions so he could cover her while she advanced on Saren.

"It's not over yet. You can still redeem yourself!" She called, mind whirring as she tried to think of how she could get them all out of this. Saren's knowledge could be invaluable to the council, she had to try keep him alive if he wasn't a willing party to Sovereigns plan.

It seemed to happen in slow motion. He locked eyes with her, and in that moment she saw the steel gaze of the real Saren Arterius, freed from the hold of the Reaper. She threw herself towards him, but was too slow.

"Goodbye, Shepard. Thank you."

Saren tucked his pistol under his chin and pulled the trigger without hesitation. Shepard could only watch as he tumbled off the hover board and crashed through the glass and into the garden below.

She closed her eyes briefly, then darted to the terminal in front of her, the rest of the team scrambling from cover to join her. She uploaded Vigils program and took control of the systems, bringing up a comm channel.

Panicked Asari voices came over the channel, pleading for help from anyone available. The destiny ascension was in danger of going down, and the Council was on board.

"Normandy to the Citadel. Normandy to the Citadel. Please tell me that's you, Commander." Jokers voice rang through the comm.

"I'm here, Joker"

"We caught that distress call, Commander. I am sitting here in the Andura station with the entire Arcturus fleet. We can save the Ascension. Just unlock the relays around the Citadel and we'll send the cavalry in!"

Shepard froze. The Council. The sniveling group of politicians who had refused her, mocked her, and allowed all of this to happen. And now their fate rested in her hands.

"Ae you really willing to sacrifice human lives to save the council, Shepard?" Garrus asked, sounding angry. She knew he hated the bureaucratic bullshit as much as she did, but could she really allow them to die?

"This is bigger than humanity. Sovereign's a threat to _every_ organic species in the galaxy!" Kaidan's eyes were steady on hers as he said it.

His steady gaze, and calm tone seemed to slow the mad jumble of thoughts in her mind.

Even as Garrus continued arguing about saving the strength of the human fleet to use later in the battle, Shepard knew what she would order.

"Opening the relay's now, Joker. We need to save the Ascension – No matter what cost."

Kaidan let out a sigh, and Garrus clicked his mandibles in frustration.

Liara looked exhausted, and was leaning against the railing for support.

The ground team listened the the chatter over the open channels. Shepard's heart was heavy by the time they confirmed that the Ascension had been saved. The had lost six ships, and Shepard knew she would never forget the people she had made the call to sacrifice, in order to preserve galactic cooperation.

The arms on the citadel finally started to move, and the fleets converged, trying to get through the geth ships and take out Sovereign.

While the battle raged above them, Shepard moved to edge of the platform and looked down on the corpse of Saren, lying several stories below them. A chill ran through her as she looked at him, remembering the glow of his eyes when being controlled by the Reapers.

She turned to Kaidan. "Make sure he's dead."

Garrus took point and he and Kaidan made their way down to the garden below. When he was a few feet from Saren, he brought out his pistol and shot him point blank in the head.

Liara had headed to the back of the chamber and was working at trying to hack a maintenance elevator for them to get down in.

Kaidan looked up at her and radioed "He's dead."

No sooner were the words out of his mouth than a flash of red light flashed through Sarens body. He and Garrus whipped out their weapons and aimed at the dead ex-Spectre.

His body began to twitch and flash uncontrollably, and the entire chamber began to shake. Shepard lost her balance and went down on a knee. She saw Liara trying to make her way back to the platform and Shepard screamed at her to get back.

She looked down again just as what used to be Saren exploded, blowing Garrus into a massive pillar, and Kaidan several feet backward into the dirt.

With a tremendous groan, the platform she was standing on gave way, and she fell, landing hard on her right arm. She felt it break and grunted as her breath was knocked out of her.

She scrambled to her feet in horror as the thing that used to be Saren rose in front of her. His flesh had been melted away, and he was a shiny metal skeleton of gleaming tech and razor sharp talons.

Kaidan was struggling to get to his feet a few feet to her left, and his biotics seemed to sputter around him. Fear burst through her as she saw it, know it mean he had been rattled hard enough to lose control.

Kaidan planted himself in front of Garrus's barely moving form as the thing scuttled towards them.

00oo00oo00

Impossibly fast, incredibly dangerous, the Saren thing and Shepard began to battle. Kaidan watched as they spun and slashed, Saren coming in fast trying to get close enough to gut her with one of the wicked talons, and Shepard spinning away, blasting it with her shotgun as fast as she could without overheating her weapon.

Kaidan stood protectively in front of Garrus, who had managed to sit up, and was taking every shot he could when his line of sight was clear. He could hear the endless chatter from the battle being waged in the sky above them, and knew they were taking losses. He felt a spurt of relief every time he heard Jokers voice ring through his ears, maneuvering the Normandy in and out of the battle.

Shepard had the thing down on the ground, grappling with it and blasting it with her pistol. When it finally shuddered and went still, it crumpled into ash in front of their eyes.

He lowered his assault rifle and took a couple steps towards Shepard. She was bleeding from multiple gashes, and looked almost ready to drop. She had put everything into the fight. He met her eyes from across the room, grinning in relief as he heard Joker cry "It's shields are down. Now's our chance!"

"Hit it with everything we've got." Hackett's gruff voice rang through the comm, and the sky above them blazed with light as the fleet blasted Sovereign instantly.

Kaidan looked over at Shepard and whooped as Sovereign was blown apart, pieces of the Reaper spinning off into space.

He was still grinning as he started walking towards her. He felt a shadow pass across his face and looked up to see a huge piece of debris heading straight for them. He flared into a shield instantly and headed for Shepard, even as she screamed at him to run. He knew her shields were shot, they had gone down in the fight with Saren. He knew he had to get to her.

He didn't make it in time.

With an enormous crash, the debris crashed into the chamber. Kaidan was knocked on his ass, skidding back towards Garrus. When he looked up again, the place Shepard had been standing was replaced by a huge pile of rubble.

He felt Garrus's arm band tight around him as he screamed her name and struggled to get to her. The Turian was yelling at him, but he didn't hear a word. The image of Shepard crushed under tons of debris scalding his mind.

With a tremendous crash, a piece of the ceiling caved in on top of them, and everything went dark.

00oo00oo00

When Kaidan opened his eyes, darkness still blanketed him. There were flashes of light as occasional scraps of burning debris rained past them. There was a monotonous alarm sounding in the distance, and when he tried to move his leg screamed in protest.

He groaned and felt for the damage. A piece of steel was driven through his leg into the ground beneath it, pinning him where he was. He brought up his omni tool. He couldn't get the comm to work, but the orange glow was enough for him to see Garrus, huddled beside him, bleeding from a head wound.

He checked the Turian over, and it seemed he would be ok. Garrus woke up when Kaidan smeared medi-gel on his head, and hissed at him in pain. He shined the tool around them, seeing that they were effectively trapped beneath a pile of rubble, saved only by a beam that had landed on a broken pillar, created the pocket they were sitting in.

He couldn't stop thinking about Shepard. _Please god be ok, I don't know what I would do if I lost you._ He and Garrus worked tirelessly on their omni-tools, trying to get a comm channel open. The space was small, and with him pinned to the ground like a bug, Garrus couldn't get past him to try and dig them out.

"Liara?" Garrus rumbled.

"I didn't see her…She was at the back near the elevators." Kaidan's voice was raw.

They sat there for what felt like hours, and Kaidan's heart grew heavier and heavier as each minute ticked past and he didn't hear signs of movement from anywhere else in the compound.

He and Garrus both jumped as with a screech, a large metal panel was peeled back, blinding them with light.

 _Shepard!_ Kaidan's heart leapt.

"Captain Anderson! We found them. They're in here!"

The male marines voice hit Kaidan like a crushing blow, and he felt ill. _No, no, no. This is not going to happen. She is going to be fine._ He tried desperately to keep it together and Anderson crawled into sight, followed by Liara, who must have escaped the falling debris and been trying to get help.

"Take it easy. It's over, you're safe now." Anderson grasped his arm firmly, all the while looking around for something… for someone. Kaidan's shoulder started to shake slightly, as Andersons face stilled, then turn to face him.

"Where's the Commander?"

Kaidan hung his head as tears welled in his eyes. Garrus was looking at him in horror, making a soft keening noise.

He shook his head at Anderson, looking over to where he had last seen Shepard.

The old soldiers face flashed with disbelief, then pain, as understanding crashed into him.

"God dammit Shepard" Anderson swore softly. The marine with him was trying to stabilize Kaidan's leg, and Kaidan bit back a yelp as he cut off the metal pole under his leg, freeing him from the ground. As Anderson, Liara and the marine helped him and Garrus out of the pocket they were in, Kaidan though he heard something.

He leaned heavily on Anderson, who was also looking around warily. Kaidan thought he saw a flash of movement, and his heart began to race. Anderson took a small step forward, eyes darting all around them.

She limped into sight above them, arm dangling by her side, blood everywhere. She paused at the top, looking down at them, then began to move towards him.

As Anderson supported him, time seemed to slow for Kaidan once more. Her eyes were locked onto his, and something blazed in her eyes at the sight of him. She didn't hesitate, but threw herself into his arms. He crushed her to him, murmuring to her as her arms banded around him. They stayed like that for a long moment.

When they pulled apart, he brushed a hand down her face, smearing through the blood. Anderson was staring at her, breathing hard. She stepped away from Kaidan and moved into Anderson for a hug.

"I knew you could do it Shepard." The old marine growled at her, his voice gruff from holding in his emotions.

"Never doubted it for a second sir!" She grinned wearily at him.

00oo00oo00

Two days later, Shepard, Kaidan and Garrus were discharged from the hospital. There had been so many injuries on the Citadel, Shepard had refused cybernetic treatments, relying on good old fashion stiches and painkillers, so there were more reserves for the critically injured, like Kaidan.

She had shouted down the doctors until the three of them were allowed to be crammed in the same room. Garrus had been cracked in the head hard enough to crack some of his natural armoured plating, and Kaidan's leg was badly damaged. The rod through his thigh had been resting right alongside his femoral artery, and it had been extremely dangerous to remove it without damaging him further.

They had covered his whole thigh in heavy skin weave, and medi gel plasters, and he could now get along with a cane. In another week he would be back for light duty.

Shepard had joked and played cards with them, staying perched on the bed by Kaidan constantly, her arm in a sling, bolstering everyone's spirits, until they had been discharged.

The whole team was assembled in front of the Normandy, and when the three of them stepped off of the elevators, they were met with a wall of noise as their crewmates cheered at the sight of them.

Jane looked around at the group of people surrounding her, laughing and patting backs. She saw Joker standing off to one side, where he couldn't be accidentally jostled.

"That was some pretty fancy flying down there, Flight Lieutenant. Good to know you really are as good as you say you are."

Joker looked at her, a smirk perched on his mouth. "Yeah well, you can't seem to do anything without massive explosions, flying Mako's, and active volcanoes…so I better stay on my toes."

She turned and looked at him, reaching out to grasp his hand firmly, but light enough she wouldn't damage the frail bones.

"I would be honored if you would stay on permanently Joker. There isn't anyone else I would rather have pulling my ass out of the fire."

The pilots face went a deep shade of red, and he said "Just try to get rid of me, Ma'am." She nodded at him, released his hand, and went to join the group.

It was hard to say goodbye to the ones who wouldn't be shipping out with them next week. Garrus was returning to C-sec to help rebuild the Citadel. She had become very close to her Turian sniper, and they promised to exchange regular messages to keep in touch.

Garrus made a funny whirring hum when she stepped in to hug him, and she looked up at him curiously. "Take care of yourself Commander."

"Garrus, if you feel like the red tape is getting to be too much…I know a certain Spectre that will always have a spot for you on the Normandy." Her eyes darted over his face, and he nodded sharply, and moved over to say his goodbyes to Kaidan.

Wrex had left the day before, eager to get back to Tuchanka. He had been growling about his little brother Wreav, and the damage he was doing to the clan while Wrex was away. He had patted Shepard hard on the back when they said goodbye in the hospital and said "You got a quad Shepard. Come check out Tuchanka sometime and I'll show you how to party like a Krogan."

He had laughed uproariously at her, and moved away, scattering civilians as he passed.

It was hardest to say goodbye to Tali. Shepard had come to think of her as a surrogate sister, and was worried about the young Quarian travelling back to the flotilla to end her pilgrimage alone.

"Are you sure you don't want a ride with the Normandy Tali? I can bring you to the Flotilla in a couple weeks." Shepard and Tali were holding each others arms, in a sort of hug that wouldn't risk Shepard getting entangled in the envirosuits hoses.

"Keelah, Shepard. I have fought an army of geth, battled a Reaper from space, and survived a night at a bar on the Citadel with you… I think I can take a transport back to the flotilla." Tali teased her, giving her arms a squeeze.

Shepards throat grew tight. "Tali…If there is ever a chance for you to come back. You're the best engineer I could ask for to watch the drive core…and my back. Stay safe, and keep in touch."

With some definite sniffling coming from inside her helmet, Tali nodded at Shepard, then looked around and moved close to her ear. "I'll miss you Shepard… and for what its worth, I think you and Kaidan are perfect for each other."

Before she could reply, the Quarian sped off, vanishing among the crew. Shepard felt her face grow warm at the words, and she looked over to where Kaidan was standing sharing a beer with Engineer Adams. Their eyes locked, and a liquid heat pooled in Shepards stomach at the look in his whisky coloured eyes.

The celebration lasted long into the night, and when Shepard finally crawled into her bunk on the Normandy, sleep came swiftly. And brought dreams of her and Kaidan laying on a beach in the sun, cuddled together as the waves lapped at their toes.

00oo00oo00

Kaidan groaned as the shrill beeping of his omni tool woke him. He raised it to his eyes, and a little bubble of unease rose in his stomach when he saw he had a priority message from Anderson. They shipped out the next day, so it had to be important.

 **Lt. Alenko.**

 **Your presence is requested at 0900 in Earth's council chamber for a debriefing regarding certain activates that occurred during your time on the Normandy. Explanations will be required.**

 **Captain David Anderson**

 **Alliance**

 _Shit._

He was showered, and looking every inch an Alliance Lieutenant when he stepped of the elevator into to the Embassies. His uniform was pressed, and he had done his best to shave away as much of his almost permanent five o clock shadow as he could. He strode briskly up the stairs towards Ambassador Udina's office.

He hesitated outside the door. There was shouting coming from inside. It sounded like Udina and…was that Shepard? The door lock was engaged, so he stood, waiting and listening to the argument inside for someone to come and get him.

"Him? You must be joking. Anderson prefers to let his fists do the talking!" Udina's voice was full of rage and shock. _He must really be yelling if I can here that all the way out here._

"We don't need any more slimy, underhanded politicians Udina! Anderson will do what needs to be done for everyone! Not just the humans." Shepards voice carried, and Kaidan winced. She was taking a huge risk going toe to toe with Udina like this.

"That's enough, both of you! Udina, the decision has been made. Deal with it. We have something else we need to discuss, Shepard." Andersons tone was severe, and brokered no arguments.

With a whoosh, the door opened and Anderson was standing in front of him. "Lieutenant Alenko. Come inside please." Udina stalked past him, face furious.

Kaidan followed Anderson inside, to where Shepard was prowling back and forth in front of a desk, like a jungle cat. He could see she was majorly pissed off.

"Sit down. Both of you." Anderson sat behind the desk, gesturing to the chairs in front of him.

Kaidan caught Shepards eye as she sat, and saw she looked a bit nervous, and a lot pissed off. Which made him _really_ nervous.

"Now look. I know how it can be out there. You're put into intense situations, have to rely on each other constantly and know without question you have each other backs. Sometimes it can lead to more." Anderson spoke in a matter of fact tone, looking at him, then at Shepard.

Kaidan looked at Shepard from the corner of his eye. She was still as a statue, her face frozen. He had a cold pit in his stomach as he realized what was about to happen.

"I don't know when it started, or how. Shepard, as Lieutenant Alenko's commanding officer, you are the head of the chain of command. The responsibility for breaking fraternization regulations falls on you." Anderson was staring at Shepard, who stared back, not giving away a thing.

"That's Bullshit! I'm the one that started it. I'm the one that pursued her!" Kaidan pushed up from his chair, heart pumping. _They could strip her of her command, take away the Normandy._

With everything they had been through, everything she had done, he couldn't let her be taken down… by him.

"Kaidan. Stop." Shepards voice was calm as she rose from her chair and placed her hand on his shoulder to calm him down.

"No Shepard, this wasn't your-" He tried to speak but she across across him calmly.

"Stop." She looked at him, and her face was calm. He looked into her eyes, and was shocked to see an amused gleam there.

She turned and faced Anderson, clasping her arms behind her back in a relaxed military stance. Anderson was looking at her with a strange, almost smile on his face. It was like he was hoping something like this would happen.

"Captain Anderson. You are correct of course Sir. According to the Alliance rules on fraternization, I dishonored the Chain of Command, putting my Lieutenant in a compromising situation."

Kaidan opened his mouth to defend her, but stopped when both she and Anderson shot him a look.

"However… The Normandy may be an Alliance vessel, but I am a Spectre. As such, I may run my ship and crew as I see fit, without the restrictions of any one military group."

Kaidan's jaw dropped.

"As my _relationship_ with Lieutenant Alenko started after I became a Spectre, there are no foundations to support demerits against either of our service records. I formally request that all charges be dropped."

Kaidan knew he must look like an idiot, mouth hanging open, swiveling his head back and forth between Anderson and Shepard, but he couldn't help it. His mind was spinning.

Anderson leaned back in his chair, as small smile playing across his mouth. "No charges laid, Spectre Shepard."

She nodded at him formally, then grinned as Anderson winked at her.

"C'mon Kaidan. Let's get some breakfast." She linked her arm through his, and they strolled from the office.

The walked in silence back towards the Alliance housing, Kaidan's mind still spinning.

"He knew. He knew the whole time you could use the fact that you're a Spectre and get the charges dropped."

"He knew" She smirked.

"Who do you think…"

"Udina. He had to have heard it somewhere, and was trying to slap me down for making Anderson Earths councillor instead of him."

"Wait what! You got humanity a spot on the council?" _That's what all the shouting was about,_ he thought, remembering Udina's face as he stormed past him.

Shepard buffed her free hand on her jacket casually, then turned and gave him a wicked grin. "Yeah, and he was none to pleased when I told him he couldn't have it."

Kaidan burst out laughing. "God Shepard, you are something else. You never cease to amaze me."

"Right back at you soldier. Now, let's go enjoy our last night of freedom before we head out on a geth hunt."

"Yes Ma'am!" Kaidan grinned.


	15. Chapter 15

Authors Note: *Sniff* Oh the Poor Normandy! I worked really hard on this, and if it made anyone as emotional as it made me when I wrote it, I will call it a job well done. I don't usually ask this, but if anyone is inclined to review, this would be the chapter to do it on. I poured so much into this, it would really mean a lot to me to hear what people think of it, Good or Bad.

Thank you to everyone sticking with me, and Shepard and Kaiden! Here we go with the ME2 storyline!

Ka'Dira Ezra, your beta on this chapter was fantastic, you pushed me for more, and I think I delivered. You Rock.

Chapter Fifteen

It had been four weeks since the battle on the Citadel, and Shepard was ready to scream with boredom. They had been patrolling in the terminus systems for geth, but were coming up blank at every turn.

It was the middle of the afternoon and Shepard was rounding the ship, taking the time to try and get to know the new crewmembers. She hadn't found permanent replacements for the ground team yet, and missed Garrus, Tali and Wrex more than she could say.

She had sent Kaidan down to the Cargo bay with the majority of the crew to go over hacking tactics and weak points when attacking geth. _He's really coming into his own, won't be long until he receives his own command._ The thought made Shepard proud, but also a little sad at the thought of him being on another ship.

They were doing their level best to keep their relationship quiet, both agreeing that until they really got to know the new crew, they would keep the more…physical aspects of their relationship to shore leave. But damn, it was hard.

"Disengaging FTL drives." Jokers voice came over the comm. The pilot had been almost as frustrated at the lack of action as Shepard had, loudly lamenting the lack of reason to pull spectacular maneuvers and show off.

"Emission sinks active. Board is green, we are running silent." The pilots voice continued.

Shepard sighed and stepped off the elevator, heading for her quarters. She had just finished repairing the last of her N7 armour from the battle on the Citadel the night before, and was glad she would be able to wear it the next time she saw some action. She hated the Hydra armour she had been forced to wear while repairing the N7.

She picked up the latest data pad containing the tip from Anderson about geth activity on the planet Alchera, skimming over it once again. Not once had one of these tips paid off, but she kept checking into them, just in case.

Three ships had gone missing near here since the battle of the Citadel, and Shepard knew there had to be something here, she just had to keep looking.

Red lights flashed through her cabin as the klaxon started to wail loudly throughout the ship, signifying the call to action stations.

"Brace for evasive maneuvers!" Jokers voice screamed through the ship wide comm system. Shepard hit the ground hard as the ship rolled to one side, too abrupt for the artificial gravity system to cope with. She scrambled into her newly repaired N7 armour, and grabbed her helmet as she hurried out of her quarters.

She systematically went through her head tried to shut down her emotions until she was simply Commander Shepard, ready to deal with anything that was thrown at her. She strode around the corner through the mess hall, crew members frantically scrambling to their stations, half eaten meals scattered on the tables.

"Pressley! Get to the bridge and help Joker!" Her voice rang with authority, and the shock and panic faded slightly from her XO's face when he saw her collected and issuing orders. He saluted and spun on his heel, heading for Joker.

The ship gave a massive shudder, and Jokers voice continued to crackle over the ship wide system. "The kinetic barrier is down!"

Shepard strode into the med bay, where Dr. Chakwas was frantically shoving supplies in a case. "Chakwas, time to go!" The smell of hot metal and scorched electrical wires was permeating the whole ship now. Chakwas hands were shaking so hard she dropped the handful of tools she was trying to shove into the bulging case.

"Karin, you need to get to the emergency pods, there will be people hurt, burns and broken bones. I need you down there ok?" Shepard grabbed the doctors hands with her own, offering support, even while her tone brokered no room for argument.

Chakwas was white as bone, but she gathered herself and her bag, and headed for the lower levels.

There was a blast, and Shepard heard screaming and explosions coming from multiple points of the ship. Shepard reached her arm out and touched the wall next to her for support as the shipped rocked and strained beneath her. There were three crew members, new ones, standing with shocked looks are their faces in the hall.

"You three get to the esca-" A massive explosion tore through the bulkhead, and the hallway was filled with flames. There was a brief shriek, then terrible silence. Shepard darted forward, even though part of her mind was screaming at her _'there's no time, get the living off the ship!_ ' Their bodies were twisted and blackened, there was nothing to be done.

"Multiple hull breaches, weapons offline!"

 _No. The Normandy was her home; these people were her responsibility. The ship will_ not _go down. Not until I can get everyone safe._

 _Her mother screaming her fathers name as the gunshots rang through the house. Those dead eyes staring at her from down the hall for days. The street of civilians blown apart on Elysium._ She shoved the flashes of memories and the panic aside. _It wont happen that way. You wont let it happen that way._

She was close to the elevator shaft when an enormous blast went off beside her and threw her into a terminal. She heaved herself up and clicked her helmet on, engaging her seals against the crushing force of space.

"Shepard!"

She whirled, seeing Kaidan come staggering around a corner, a dead crewmate blown across the room behind him. He clicked his own helmet into place, and she stomped down hard on the urge to run to him, and check him over to make sure he was ok. They were in deep, and now was not the time to let her emotions cloud her judgement.

She punched a few commands into the console behind her and told him "Distress beacon is ready for launch"

"Will the alliance get here in time?" Kaidan called, his voice cracking over the comm channels. Another massive blast rocked the ship and he was thrown into her, smashing her into the console behind her.

She used him arms to steady herself, taking a brief moment to acknowledge the knot in her chest loosening and his solid presence. _It's ok. He's ok._ She released his arms and reached behind him for a fire extinguisher. "The Alliance wont abandon us!" She screamed over the noise, spraying down the now flaming console. "We just need to hold on!"

She turned and threw the fire extinguisher to Kaidan, clamping down on her fear as she finally realized they were actually going down. There were enormous holes through out the parts of the ship she could see, and it had a heavy list. All she could do now was get everyone out.

"Get everyone onto the escape shuttles." She ordered him. She needed to get as many people off the ship as she could, fast, and she _needed_ himto be one of them.

A chill ran up her spine when Kaidan answered her, turning to spray down another fire that flared to life beside him. "Joker's still in the cockpit. He wont abandon the ship." He turned to face her, bringing himself up to his full height. "I'm not leaving either."

True terror gripped Shepard for the first time since the attack began. _He wont leave. He will stay with you and get himself killed._ She battled with it, willing herself to push it aside. She let the anger swamp her instead.

She was the Commander. It was her job to get them out safe, and his job to follow her orders and help her. She would not stand here and let him die because she loved him.

She strode up to hum, grabbing his arm. She clutched his hands with hers and brought her helmeted face close to his. "I need you to get the crew onto the evac shuttles. I'll take care of Joker."

"Damn it Shepard, I'm not leaving!"

"Get out of here Kaidan, and get as many people off this ship as you can. That's an order." Shepard could feel her heart break as she ordered him away, knowing that if was her, it would be almost impossible to step away from him if their situations were reversed.

She released his hands, and stepped towards a massive breach in the wall, skirting around the debris so she could get to the stairs leading up to the Bridge.

"Commander!"

She paused, looking back at him. Her heart felt like it was shredding. "Kaidan, go. Now!" She screamed at him. He hesitated for the briefest of moments, then he whispered "Be careful Jane" and headed for the escape pods.

She watched him until he disappeared from view, then headed for Joker.

Shepard could feel the ship listing, and knew they were being pulled into the atmosphere of Alchera. If she didn't get them to an escape pod fast, she and Joker would burn up in the planets atmosphere. The ships automatic comm system was flickering in and out announcing the departure of the escape pods as Shepard activated her mag boots and stepped up to the CIC…Or what was left of it.

There was a massive hole torn through the hull, and the vacuum of space glared at her through the Mako sized puncture wound. The only noise she heard as she walked to the bridge was the soft thudding of her mag boots, and the heavy sound of her own breathing.

The escape pod by the bridge was thankfully intact, and Joker had activated the emergency barrier, keeping gravity in the flight center.

"C'mon Joker! We have get out of here!" Shepard yelled as soon as she was through the barrier. The pilot was still frantically mashing buttons, doing everything he could to keep the ship from going down to the planet below them. He had thankfully stopped long enough to put on his breather helmet.

"No! I wont abandon the Normandy. I can still save her!" The pilots voice was thick with shock, and Shepard knew he was acting purely on instinct.

She brought her face right into his line of sight, bracing herself on the control console. "The Normandy is lost. Going down with the ship wont change that." He looked back and forth between her and the controls.

He realised his grip and nodded at her, eyes full of tears. "Yeah…OK. Help me up"

He was halfway out of his chair when something he saw behind her made him pause. Shepard was filled with dread when she saw the look on his face, and heard the disbelief in his voice as he whispered "They're coming around for another attack."

A beam from the attacking ship tore through the CIC, cutting it off completely from the rest of the ship.

There was no time to lose. She deactivated her mag boots, needing the speed as she wrenched him out of the chair, pushing him ahead of her towards the escape pod, ignoring his scream of "Ahhh, watch the arm!" as the fragile bones snapped beneath her fingers.

She shoved Joker into the escape pod, clipping him into his harness and getting one of her feet inside to join him when another blast tore through the wall behind her, killing the barrier stabilizing her with artificial gravity and sucking her out of the pod towards the vacuum of space.

She grabbed onto the wall closest to her as she floated by, a part of her brain registering that it held the manual release for the escape pod Joker was in. She locked eyes with the pilot, who was struggling with his harness, trying to get back out and help her.

Time seemed to slow as their eyes locked. She knew she couldn't get back to the pod. She knew that he couldn't hit the release on his own. She knew, it was her, or both of them.

"Commander!" He screamed as she hit the command and the doors started to close.

 _Be safe, Joker._ She heard him scream her name as she punched the eject button. She had a brief glimpse of the pod detach from the ship and shoot away, before a beam of light cut through the piece of the Normandy she was clinging to. It exploded violently and she was sent spinning into open space.

Shepard spun, flashes of the stars and burning wreckage coming in and out of focus as she turned. She could hear the harsh rasp of her breathing and a chilling pressure building in her chest for just a moment before her suit started screaming with alarms.

Hose breach.

Even as she scrambled frantically for the hose, trying desperately to plug it, she knew it was hopeless.

As she spun around and around in the vastness of space, her lungs shredding as she desperately tried to breathe air that was no longer there, she thought of Kaidan. She tried to tell him she loved him, in case there was a tiny chance he could hear.

But no noise escaped her except the tortured sound of dying lungs trying desperately to breathe. She pictured his face, trying to bring it to the front of her mind.

Then it all went black.

00oo00oo00

Kaidan sat in the escape pod, trying to hold himself together. _She's fine. She got Joker and they made it onto the pod. She's fine._ He chanted in in his head over and over.

"… **Do you read? This is Admiral Ines Lindholm of the SSV Agincourt. Alliance escape pods do you read?"**

Everyone in the pod jumped as the voice cracked over the speakers. There was a moment of stunned relief, then Kaidan radioed back "This is Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko of the SSV Normandy SR-1. We read you Admiral."

" **Lieutenant Alenko, what's your situation?"**

"The Normandy was attacked by unknown forces. I got as many of the crew evacuated as I could sir… The Normandy went down over an hour ago."

Dr. Chakwas was sitting beside him, silent tears pouring down her face.

" **Understood Lieutenant. We are going to tow you and the other pods to the closet friendly zone. I've radioed ahead for medical to be on standby."**

"Yes sir." Kaidan disconnected and looked at the battered faces around him. He heaved sigh of relief he didn't realise he had been holding, and settled down to wait.

The Admiral towed the cluster of pods to Omega, the only place in the terminus system with a tentative treaty with the Alliance, allowing them to stop over briefly for fuel ups and so on.

With a jarring thud, the pod touched down on a landing dock. Kaidan stood instantly and hit the release on the door. There were 6 other pods touching down around him as he stepped onto the dock. _Where are the rest of them?_ There should have be nine.

There were Alliance marines all round, disembarking from the SSV Agincourt to help the survivors. Kaidan shoved the word _survivors_ from his mind. _C'mon Shepard, where are you?_

He strode through the crowds of people, searching for her. He saw Liara at the door of an escape pod, and was flooded with relief when he saw Joker shakily getting out of it, cradling his arm. _Thank god, she got him out_. He jogged towards them.

Joker looked up and met his eyes and he neared. The pilot was ghost white, and had tears pouring down his face.

Kaidan's heart seized in his chest. Joker was the only one in the pod.

 _No._

Joker was trying to talk to him, and Liara had both of her hands over her mouth, tears pouring from her eyes.

 _No._

"…She was almost in the pod Kaidan I swear. The ship shot at us again, and she was knocked loose. She… She hit the release on the pod, making me leave without her. God Kaidan, she got spaced. She just… floated away."

The words hit him like knives, sharp and relentless.

The pilot was clinging to him now, sobbing and still trying to explain.

Kaidan looked down at Joker. A curious numbness was filling him. He could see the pilots mouth moving, could see the tears pouring down his face, but all he felt was cold. He broke Jokers grasp on his shirt, and stepped away. Leaving the pilot to crumple to the ground sobbing.

"Kaidan…" Liara's voice was full of pain as she reached towards him.

"No." His face felt like it could shatter. His lips numb and lifeless.

"Kaidan please, your scaring me. She wouldn't want you to-"

"She not dead!" He roared, spinning to face the Asari. "Don't you talk about her like she's dead!"

Silence rang through the dock, everyone freezing. The crew of the Normandy looked rapidly between Kaidan, Liara and Joker, who was still crumpled on the ground sobbing wretchedly.

His chest heaved. The expression of the crew was slowly changing around him, relief turning to horror.

"She can't be gone Liara…She can't…"

Hot tears filled his eyes as his vision blurred. Shepard sitting on the bunk, arms wrapped around him as she told him about her family. Shepard whispering in his ear, telling him to call her Jane. Shepard laying beneath him on the bed, hair fanned out around her in a glorious honey colored halo.

Shepard, whom he never told he loved.

Liara wrapped her arms around him as he broke. Great shuddering sobs of grief ripped through him.

He clung to her, holding her harder than he meant to. He clung to her like an anchor as his world was torn away, spinning into the distance on a wave of pain.

00oo00oo00

The funeral was awful.

The Alliance turned out a full Hero's service with Generals and Admirals alike standing at attention and speaking about Shepard. They spoke of her bravery on Elysium, her dedication to the Council and her stopping of Saren.

Shepard's crew stood silently in the front row, Anderson with them. Liara had picked the photo of Shepard that was displayed beside the empty coffin. She was grinning down at them, her N7 armour new and shiny. It had been taken the day she graduated from the program.

Pain tore through Kaidan every time he looked at, but he couldn't stop. Her green eyes were sparkling with laughter, and the grin on her face was so hauntingly familiar.

He tore his gaze away to look at Wallace. The big man was holding himself rigidly upright, but couldn't stop the slow tears trailing form his face. Kaidan's cheeks were damp as well, and when they made eye contact, the big man tilted his head at him in acknowledgement.

Anderson went slowly up to the podium.

"Commander Jane Shepard was a wholly selfless person, who always put the lives of her people ahead of her own. It was a trait that led her through countless missions, and set her apart from other people." Andersons voice was rough, like his throat was full of gravel, and he looked older than Kaidan had ever seen him.

"It was this type of selflessness that allowed 39 members of her crew to be with us here today."

Kaidan's heart seized with pain. _I should have never let her send me away. I should have stayed with her._

"Commander Shepard was one of the brightest soldiers the Alliance has. She graduated top of the N7 program, and rose quickly through the ranks until she had her own Command. What Shepard did during the Battle of the Citadel will never be forgotten, not only by Humanity, but by all the council races who were saved by her bravery that day. She was a brilliant military mind, and a good friend. At 29, she left us too soon…"

Anderson's voice cracked. And he stepped away from the podium as Admiral Hackett stepped up.

"There isn't anyone else like Shepard out there. She will be greatly missed."

The Admiral was nothing if not direct.

As the civilians, and people who weren't close to her filtered away, the crew of the Normandy went slowly towards the coffin.

Kaidan watched numbly as one by one, they went forward and placed something in the empty coffin. Joker sat, looking smaller and frailer than Kaidan believed was possible. He hadn't been able to bring himself to speak to the pilot since the day on Omega, when he had emerged from the pod, and Shepard hadn't.

Wrex gave her his favorite pistol. Liara a framed holo of the two of them on the citadel. Garrus stood for a long moment in front the the coffin, then removed his C-sec badge, placing it gently down on the satin lining. The Turian murmured something Kaidan couldn't here, and stepped away, pulling a sobbing Tali into his arms.

Kaidan walked up to the coffin, a surreal sensation sliding through him. He looked down at the letter in his hands. He had torn up so much paper trying to figure out what to say, there was a mountain of it back in his room.

The others moved away, leaving him standing there alone. Giving him his space to try and say goodbye.

"Shepard…" The words wouldn't come. He lowered the letter in his shaking hand slowly into the coffin. The letter containing the words he never got to say, and now wished desperately that he had. It fell open as he set in on the pillow.

 _Jane,_

 _I love you._

 _Always_


	16. Chapter 16

Authors Note: I am still crying inside over the last chapter, but wanted to let you guys know that the next few chapters are going to be a bit different from what I have done previously. There will be some small alterations to the canon in ME2, and I need to set up something that is going to be in the ME3 storyline.

We will be going through what Kaidan had been doing up until the point Shepard wakes up, and will be continuing the switches in a smaller capacity once they meet on Horizon. Keep an eye on the dates and enjoy!

Ka'Dira Ezra, you da you da best!

Also... our newly awoken Shepard has some trust and anger issues...as does Kaidan. Stronger language ahead.

Chapter Sixteen

 **Kaidan.**

 **2183, September**

Kaidan's eyes were bleary, and felt like they were full of sand. He waved a hand at the bartender, signalling he wanted another. He didn't so much as glance at the person who slid onto the stool next to him until a hand shot out, covering the glass he was reaching for.

He glared belligerently at the hand, following it up to the owners face. Anderson.

Kaidan scowled at the him, too drunk to notice the shock on Andersons face as the councillor took in Kaidan's blood shot eyes, full beard, and dishevelled appearance.

"Jesus Alenko. When Liara T'soni called me and told me you've been trying to drink yourself to death in a bar for the last six months, I didn't believe her."

Kaidan snorted. "Pfft, what does she care. Get your hand off my drink Anderson."

Anderson stood abruptly and latched onto Kaidan's arm, jerking him off his stool. "We're leaving."

"Like hell! Who the fuck do you think you are?" Kaidan yelled, swaying dangerously.

"I'm your superior Alenko, and we are leaving. Now."

A humourless laugh left Kaidan's mouth. "Oh right. My superior. The one who let the the council just write Shepard off. The one who let them brush it all under the rug and say the REAPERS AREN'T FUCKING REAL!"

Kaidan swung out at the older man, who dodged the drunken blow easily, and gave him a hard jab in the stomach in return. Anderson spun him around and grabbed Kaidan's arm, twisting it behind his back painfully as he pulled him close and hissed in his ear. "Is _this_ what Shepard would want Kaidan? To see you throwing your life and potential away? One of the last reports she ever sent me talked about how proud of you she was, and how you were well on your way to getting your own command!"

Kaidan wheezed and struggled, but as Anderson just held him there, his arm twisted behind his back, the fight drained out of him.

After a couple of seconds, Anderson released his arm and led him out of the bar.

They went to the the Embassies. It was quiet at this time of night, and when they sat at the desk together Kaidan's anger finally drained away and he could finally see how tired and grey Anderson looked.

"Anderson I… I can't just just shut it off. She is everywhere I go, everywhere I look." The grief was always with him; a palpable cloud he could never escape from.

The older man just looked at him, then heaved a sigh.

"I know Kaidan. But this isn't what she wanted for you. You were there with her. We both know the Reapers are still coming. I need people who know what's coming. People who can help me fight."

Kaidan's shoulders slumped. "Anderson, I don't know if I have any fight left." Kaidan's heart seized as he looked around the Embassy. _'C'mon Kaidan. Let's go get some breakfast'_ He could almost feel her arm link through his, like the last time they had been in this room. He swallowed hard, the always present lump of emotion never leaving his throat.

Anderson looked furious. "And if it were Shepard sitting here instead of you, is that what she would say? Would she be drinking herself to death in a bar, sitting back waiting for the Reapers to take away everything she knows?"

Kaidan recoiled as though he had been slapped hard across the face.

He remembered her standing on the Normandy, her face sad, but determined as they talked about Ash's death. _"I'll remember her, and do better for her."_

Kaidan raised his eyes back to Anderson, and the older man's expression softened. Kaidan gave a slightly watery laugh. "She would be doing everything she could to kick Reaper ass, sir."

"Damn right she would. Now lieutenant, I have an assignment for you, if you think you can get sobered up."

Kaidan straightened his shoulders, as for the first time in months, his grief was overshadowed by something else.

Purpose.

 **Shepard.**

 **2185, February**

She was in a forest. The lush green all around her, birds singing sweet trills of music overhead.

" _Shepard."_

She looked around. Had someone just called her name? There was a flash of movement to her right. She whirled.

" _Shepard."_

Kaidan. It had to be Kaidan. She started to run to were the movement had been, but it was like she was trying to move through molasses, her movements were exaggerated and slow.

" _Shepard."_

She could see him; he was standing in a clearing ahead of her. He stretched out his hands, his face breaking into a smile as her fingertips stretched towards his.

" **Shepard! Wake up Commander!"**

Bright lights blared into her eyes as an accented voice yelled her name. Shepard tried to sit up, but felt wobbly, and weak.

A shudder tore through the room she was in, and for a brief moment she was back on the Normandy.

 _Joker's eyes locked with hers as he struggled to get up and get to her. Her hitting the button to send him safely away from the wreckage in the escape pod. Her lungs shredding as she…died?_

" **Commander get out of that bed right now! This facility is under attack."**

With a groan, Shepard forced herself to sit. She clutched her side as pain tore through her. She felt like she had been hit by a bus. The accented voice was still rattling off instructions at her.

 _Well, I guess this means I'm not dead._

Years of instinct and military training started to take over as Shepard looked around. She was in some kind of medical center, and the voice - _Was it Australian? -_ Was directing her to a gun.

She opened a locker and discovered armour… N7 armour fit to her specifications actually, and a pistol… with no thermal clip. She scrambled into the armour as quickly as possible, then called out to the bodiless voice. "Uh, this pistol doesn't have a thermal clip!"

" **It's a** _ **Med Bay**_ **. We'll get a clip from…Damnit! Keep your head down Shepard."**

With a blast, the door across the room blew open. Her body protested sharply as Shepard shut out the voice still calling instructions over the speaker, and dove into cover. She peeked out, checking over the doorway, but no one was there, just bodies on the ground.

She ran up to one and grabbed the thermal clip from their limp hand. As she clicked it into place in the pistol, a calm settled over her. This is what she knew how to do. This is what she excelled at.

A nagging thought kept popping up in her mind. Where was everyone else? If she had been recovering in this Med Bay, wouldn't someone from the crew be here with her?

 _Unless they didn't make it._ She shoved that thought out of her mind. No, you saw the pods get away. _Then where are they?_

Shepard began to move through the facility, eliminating synthetic security mechs as she went, cursing as her fist couple shots went wide. The voice in the speakers directed her forward. She moved through multiple rooms, becoming more and more uneasy as she realised she didn't recognise a thing from her surroundings.

She came out onto a balcony and finally grinned. A grenade launcher. "Come here my beauty." Shepard cooed as she picked it up. There was a dull thud at the door below her, and Shepard lined up a shot.

A group of mechs opened the door below her and she lobbed a grenade dead into the middle of them. She cheered slightly as they exploded violently, causing a tank nearby to start shooting flames across the walkway. Across the walkway she was now going to have to cross.

 _Shit._

She ran, trusting in her armour to shield her from the worst of the flames and she sprinted directly through them. Kaidan was going to give her shit about the scorch marks when he saw them. There was a crackle of static, and the Australian voice was abruptly cut off.

 _That can't be good._

Shepard proceeded into the room ahead of her, taking out two downed mechs that were dragging themselves along. She gave the room a quick once over, and turned to leave when an active computer console caught her eye. She moved toward it, and when she clicked the open file, a voice recording started to play. It was the same Australian voice as over the speakers.

"Progress is slow, but the subject shows signs of recovery. The major organs are once again functional, and there are signs of rudimentary neurological activity…"

The recording continued in detail, listing what sounded like extremely technical medical crap that went way over Shepard's head. She was starting to get that feeling in her gut. The feeling that there was something here that was way bigger than she expected.

There was another console in the far corner of the room, this one held a recoding in a mans voice.

"The cost of this project is astronomical. Over four billion credits so far…"

It continued on, but Shepard stopped listening. _Four billion credits? Holy shit. Just where the hell am I?_

She shook it off and went into a crouch, continuing through the facility quickly and silently. She went up a level and came out onto a large uncovered walkway, where a lone man in some kind of uniform was exchanging rapid fire with a couple mechs.

She sprinted up to him, sliding in to cover beside him, taking out two of the mechs on the way.

"Shepard? What the hell?" The mans voice was completely shocked.

She ignored him for the moment, completely focused on taking out the remaining mechs. Once they were down, she turned and got her first good look at him.

He was of African American descent, and had the build of a military man. He was wearing no armour, just a black and white jumpsuit like most of the bodies she had come across. They all had a yellow symbol on them that she didn't recognize.

"Shepard what are you doing here? I thought you were still a work in progress?" He asked her, still fighting down the shock of seeing her.

 _Work in progress?_ _Well that didn't sound good._

"I just woke up. You probably know more than I do." She shrugged at him, poking her head out of cover to look across the balcony where a door opened and more mechs spilled out.

"Right. Sorry about that. I am Jacob Taylor. I've been stationed here for-" A shot exploded into the glass by his head and he stopped talking abruptly as he returned fire.

"Damn it! Things much be worse than I thought if Miranda's got you running around. I'll fill you in, but we better get you to the shuttle first."

Shepard desperately wanted more information. Her stomach was a cold pit of trepidation. She didn't know where the hell she was, none of her people were anywhere to be seen… something was not adding up about this whole situation.

"It's your station Jacob. I'll follow you." She resolved to get answers from somebody, but the middle of a firefight wasn't the time.

She was shocked when Jacob flared blue, and pulled the mechs into a lift. Many missions with Kaidan doing the same thing meant Shepard acted on instinct as she took them out while they were immobilized.

Jacob shot her a quick grin at her quick reflexes, and then there were moving.

They went through several rooms, working as a team to take out any mechs they came across. They had just reached another set of stairs when a mans voice crackled across the speakers, calling for help.

Jacob seemed to know him, and he and Shepard made for the man's position. They burst into the room to see him huddled behind a half wall, nursing a bullet wound through his thigh.

They took out the mechs, and Jacob directed her to a first aid station, so they could medi gel the man's leg, and get the hell off the station.

The man, who Jacob called Wilson, got shakily to his feet. "Thanks Shepard…never thought you'd save _my_ life. Guess that makes us even now hmm?"

 _What the fuck?_ A shiver ran through Shepard at Wilson's voice. He gave her a serious case of the creeps. The feeling only intensified as she realized Jacob didn't trust him. They were arguing back and forth; Jacob didn't understand how Wilson even had the clearance to be there.

She couldn't listen to them squabbling anymore, and couldn't quite keep the sneer off her face as she cut across them. "I don't trust any of you yet. You're all strangers to me. Let's get the hell out of here and find someplace safe, then you can argue about who's fault it is."

Jacob looked slightly ashamed, while Wilson just glared at her in defiance.

"Right Shepard. We need to find Miranda; we can't leave her behind." Jacob started, but Wilson cut him off.

"Forget about Miranda! She was over at D-wing. The mechs were all over that sector, there's no way she survived."

Jacob looked at him coolly "A bunch of mechs wont drop Miranda. She's alive."

"Then were is she? Why haven't we heard from her? There are only two possible explanations. She is either dead, or she's a traitor." Wilson was staring at Shepard, some emotion she couldn't quite place in his eyes.

She stared right back. "Then why did she wake me up and warn me about the attack?"

"Ok fine. Maybe she's not a traitor, but that doesn't change the facts. We are here, she's not. We need to save ourselves. The shuttle bay is only a few-"

Shepard ducked as a group of mechs came through the door, and opened fire on them. They all dove for cover, and took them out, one by one.

Shepard started for the door, but was stopped by Jacob's hand on her arm. She looked at his hand, then slowly up to his face. He swallowed hard at the warning in her eyes, and released her. "Ok, we took them down. But this is getting tense. Shepard, if I tell you who we work for, will you trust me?"

Jacob's face was dead serious, and Shepard once again felt the chill that there was something big going on here. Before she had a chance to answer him, Wilson got in Jacob's face.

"This really isn't the time Jacob."

Jacob looked at him furiously and hissed "She wont make it if she's expecting a shot in the back!"

The men glared at each other, then Wilson stepped back and crossed his arms over his chest defiantly.

"If you want to piss off the boss, its your ass Jacob."

Shepard had been looking back and forth between the two men, but now focused on Jacob. He squared his shoulders, and looked her straight in the eye.

"The Lazarus Project. The program that rebuilt you? It's funded and controlled by Cerberus."

 _Rebuilt me? Cerberus? I feel like I know that name from somewhere… Aren't they that pro-human group…aren't they terrorists?_ The feeling of cold dread was replaced by hot anger. She needed to know what the fuck was going on.

"I wiped out my share of Cerberus projects when I was a Spectre…Back then they were trying to kill me. Why the change of heart?" Shepard kept her vice calm, and all emotion off her face. She needed to get as much information as possible, while giving nothing away. _Where the hell was the Alliance?_

Jacob shook his slightly at her. "Those answers are way above my pay grade. Basically? Things changed. The Alliance declared you dead. They gave up. Cerberus spent a fortune to bring you back. And now we have to work together. I thought you deserved to know what was what. Once we are off the station, I will take you to the Illusive Man. He will explain everything. I promise."

 _The Alliance declared me dead…Cerberus brought me back_ … a thought was growing in the back of Shepard's mind.

 _She was spinning over and over as she drifted past burning pieces of the Normandy. The only sound she could hear were the alarms in her suit, and the liquid shredding sound her lungs made trying to breathe air that wasn't there…_

"Well, If I wont get any more answers here. Let's get moving." Shepard felt sick. He was basically saying she had been _dead_. But that was impossible. People didn't come back from the dead.

They battled through more mechs as Shepard wrestled with her thoughts, and panic and left herself in autopilot, automatically taking out all threats like a well oiled machine.

Wilson was in the front, and was heading for the door to the shuttle bay. He was hacking it quickly, calling out at them to hurry. The door opened with a whoosh and there was a woman standing there.

"Miranda! But you were-" Wilsons voice cut off as his head exploded into a haze of red mist. The woman, Miranda, lowered her pistol and sneered down at his body.

"Dead?" She said.

"What the hell are you doing!" Jacob said as he ran up to her, shock and horror painted across his face.

She looked at him expressionlessly "My job. Wilson betrayed us all." She turned her cold, beautiful face to Shepard.

"I had a feeling that Wilson was just looking for a chance to shoot me in the back." Shepard lowered the pistol she had leveled at Miranda's face.

The Australian eyed her appraisingly. "Good Instincts. Some people are far to trusting to ever see that coming. C'mon, lets grab a shuttle and get out of here. My boss wants to speak to you."

"You mean the 'Illusive Man.' I know you work for Cerberus?" Shepard couldn't quite keep the sneer off her face as she said it. _I mean really, the Illusive man? What kind of pompous jackass could he be with a handle like that?_

Miranda heaved a sigh, and shot an annoyed look at Jacob. "Ah, Jacob. I should have known your conscience would get the better of you."

He crossed his arms defiantly as he answered her. "Lying to the Commander isn't the way to get her to join our cause."

Shepard resisted the urge to face palm. Did these Cerberus people never shut up?

"Can we just get the hell out of here? I've had enough of this station to last a lifetime." Shepard asked wearily.

Miranda just looked at her, then replied cryptically "Or two, in your case."

During most of the long shuttle ride, Shepard did her best to ignore Jacob and Miranda, and sort through the thoughts swirling through her mind. She had been spaced. She clearly remembered that, it wasn't something you were likely to forget. How much time had passed? Where was the rest of her team? Who made it off the Normandy? The more thoughts swirled through her head, the more resolved Shepard became. Time for some answers.

Miranda cleared her throat. "Before you meet with the Illusive man, we need to ask you some questions to evaluate your condition." The Australian sounded professional, and clinical. Shepard's dislike for her just continued to grow.

Jacob swiveled in his seat to look at Miranda in exasperation. "C'mon Miranda! More tests? Shepard took down those mechs without any trouble. That has to be good enough."

Miranda just looked at him, the icy expression on her face never shifting. "It's been two years since the attack. The Illusive man needs to know that Shepard's memories and personality are intact. Ask the questions"

Two years? Shepard felt sick, like she had been shot in the stomach.

"Did you say two years?" Shepard hated the tremor in her voice, but the shock was over whelming. "I've been gone that long?"

It was incomprehensible. It felt like she had been on the Normandy yesterday. _Oh my god. Kaidan thinks I've been dead for two years._ Shepard forced herself to take steady breaths in an out through her nose, battling down the panic and locking it away.

Jacob looked at her sympathetically. "Two years and twelve days. You were on an operating table for most of it."

Miranda turned back to Shepard, her voice cold. "The sooner we start the sooner we can be done. Start with personal history."

Shepard wanted to punch her fist through the cold bitches face. She just found out she had lost two years of her life. Everything and everyone she knew, were gone to god knows where. She was being treated like she was some kind of…experiment. She let the rage fill her, but kept it off her face.

Jacob looked at her apologetically, but started to question her at Miranda's command, asking her about Mindoir and her fight on Elysium. When she answered the questions, Jacob turned back to Miranda. "Satisfied Miranda?"

The brunette turned her smirking face to Shepard. "Almost. Let's try something more recent. Virmire: where you destroyed Sarens cloning facility. You had to leave one of your squad behind to die in the blast."

Shepard's heart was beating fast. _'I understand Commander. I don't regret a thing.'_ She heard Ash say it clearly like, like she was sitting beside her.

Jacob said softly "Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams was killed in action. It was your call. Why did you leave her behind?"

The guilt tore through Shepard, but she wouldn't give the Australian bitch the satisfaction of seeing it. "Being in command means that sometimes you give orders knowing that your people are going to die. That can't affect your decisions. Ash gave her life for the rest of the team. Without her, I couldn't have stopped Saren. She died a Hero." Shepard's voice was stony. She stared straight at Jacob, her Commander mask firmly in place. It was the look that made even Alliance Admirals back down from her.

"I understand Commander. And I wasn't judging your decision. Everybody in Cerberus knows that cloning facility had to be destroyed." Jacobs gaze met hers, and she was slightly surprised to see apology in his eyes. He didn't agree with Miranda's questioning.

Miranda spoke up again coolly. "Shepard, think back to the Citadel. The alliance saved the Destiny Ascension, and you killed Saren. What happened next?"

"Humanity was offered a spot on the council. I recommended Captain Anderson for the position."

"Yes. Captain Anderson is now Councillor Anderson…though from what I hear, he preferred life in the military." Miranda was still smirking slightly, and Shepard fist ached with the urge to smash out some of her prefect teeth.

Jacob seemed to sense that she was on the verge of violence and cut back into the conversation. "Still it's good to have a human council member who isn't going to put politics ahead of defense."

"Your memory seems solid. There are other tests we really should run." Miranda's droll voice rubbed against Shepard's nerves, but before she could tell her to piss off, Jacob spoke up in exasperation.

"C'mon Miranda! Enough with the quizzes. Her memories are there, and I can vouch for Shepard's combat skills personally."

With an eye roll and flick of her hair, Miranda drawled "I suppose you're right. We'll have to hope the Illusive Man accepts our little field test as evidence enough."

Shepard turned her face away, and sat silently staring out the window until they arrived at the station of the Illusive Man.

The emotions were threatening to drown her.

Fear. _Am I still me? How does one come back from the dead? What exactly did they do to me?_

Sorrow. _How did I lose two years? What happened to everyone else. Where was Kaidan._

Anxiety _. What exactly did Cerberus want with her that she was worth over four billion credits?_

As the shuttle pulled into the docking bay, Shepard pushed away the turbulent swirl of thoughts.

She was going to find out exactly what had happened in the last two years, and she was going to find out right now.


	17. Chapter 17

**Author's Note:** I hope you guys liked the first couple ME2 storyline chapters. I am going to be branching out more and more from game dialogue as we move forward, as I need to set up for the future. I apologize if there has been a delay in the chapter getting out, but with the holiday season it has been busy for me and my fabulous Beta Ka'Dira Ezra.

Shout out to Jules Hawk and Vorcha Girl. Your comments have been incredible, and I have been loving your work!

Also my guest Reviewer Lulu,

You rock!

Chapter Seventeen

 **Shepard**

 **2185, February**

Miranda and Jacob directed Shepard into a comm room to meet the Illusive man. When she stepped onto a ring in the floor, a scanner ran her up and down, and projected her to where the Illusive man was waiting.

He was sitting in a chair, cigarette in one hand, glass of what looked like scotch in the other. The walls around him were glass, and there was a dying star in the back ground. All in all it was a beautiful set up, and one that made Shepard instantly wary. It was quite a production he was putting on for her, and she wanted to know why.

"Commander Shepard." He acknowledged her.

"Illusive Man. I thought we'd be meeting face to face." She was determined to play this cool, and not let her emotions cloud her voice.

"A necessary precaution. Not unusual for people who know what you and I know."

 _Well, that was cryptic._

"From what I hear, I cost you a fortune. Why'd you do it?" _Get him talking and pull out the answers you want. Take control of the situation_ , she thought.

"For the defense and preservation of Humanity." The Illusive Man's voice didn't waver. He was deadly serious. "I didn't spend two years and billions of credits bringing you back to serve as a common soldier." He took another long drag of the cigarette before continuing. "But Humanity is up against the greatest threat of our brief existence."

A chill ran along Shepard's spine.

"The Reapers."

He gave her the barest hint of a smile. "Good to see your memory is still intact. How are you feeling?"

Frustration ripped through her. The Reapers were out there, he brought her back from the dead to help stop them, and he was going to waste her time with pleasantries?

"I noticed a few upgrades. I hope you didn't replace anything really important." Her voice was thick with sarcasm.

She remembered when they got off the shuttle, she had walked through a glass hallway and noticed angry scars on her face, and most likely elsewhere. Angry scars that had the orange gleam of cybernetics behind them.

The Illusive Man was disappointingly unruffled. "We tried to keep you as intact as possible. We need Shepard. Just as you were when you defeated Sovereign."

 _The spray of red as Saren pulled the trigger. The Reaper exploding as the fleet blasted it apart. Kaidan's face as he ran towards her, knowing he couldn't get there in time._

As quickly as the memories flashed through her mind, she pushed them aside. She couldn't shake the feeling the Illusive Man was playing a high stakes game of chess, and she couldn't afford to let herself be a mindless pawn.

"What are the Reapers doing that made you decide to bring me back?"

At her question the Illusive man finally rose from his seat, setting the glass in his hand down with a clunk. He walked towards her, and she sucked in a breath as she finally saw his face out of the shadows. His eyes glowed blue, like that of a machine. _Just who and what the hell is he?_

"We're at war. No one wants to admit it, but Humanity is under attack. While you've been sleeping, entire colonies have been disappearing. Human colonies. We believe its someone working for the Reapers. Just as Saren and the geth aided Sovereign. You've seen it yourself. You bested all of them. That's just one reason we chose you."

 _Why isn't the Alliance involved in this? If its really been two years, they should have had plenty of time to get prepared. I warned them. They all saw Sovereign._

It didn't make sense. "You could have trained an entire army with what you spent to bring me back"

"You're unique. Not just in ability or what you've experienced, but in what you represent. You stood for Humanity at a key moment. You're more than a soldier. You're a symbol. I don't know if the Reapers understand fear, but you killed one. They have to respect that."

 _It's not like I did it alone_ , Shepard thought, but she still didn't understand why the Alliance wasn't involved.

"If this is a threat against Humanity, you need to mobilize the Alliance."

She was shocked when the Illusive man explained that the Alliance was spread too thin to 'investigate the Reaper threat' and that they were blaming it on mercenaries and slavers. She had handed them the truth. _What the hell was there to investigate?_

It also didn't make sense that they were only targeting humans. Sovereign had made it clear that they were harvesting all organic life in the galaxy. When the Illusive Man told her that hundreds of thousands of colonists had vanished, Shepard felt a rush of bile in the back of her throat.

 _Jesus. That many?_

It didn't make sense that Cerberus was the only one involved. What was in it for them? An organization that as far as she was aware, were terrorists.

"Fighting a war doesn't seem like Cerberus. Why are you involved?"

She had expected him to deflect, or steer the question in another direction. He didn't.

"We are committed to the advancement and preservation of Humanity. If the Reapers are targeting us, trying to wipe us out, Cerberus will stop them. If we wait for politicians or the Alliance to act… No more human colonies will be left."

As much as she wanted to call him a liar, as much as she hated standing there looking at him while her emotions screamed at her not to trust him… She knew she had to find out if what he was saying was true. If the Alliance had dismissed her claims about the reapers after her…death, she needed to get them to wake up. Before an army of Reapers wiped them all out.

"If you're after the Reapers, just point me in the right direction."

He smiled at her, and she resisted the urge to shiver. It was cold, and didn't reach his dead machine eyes.

"Miranda was worried you'd be resistant. She's not usually wrong."

Shepard gritted her teeth at the mention of Miranda. She was still pissed about the cold interrogation in the shuttle.

The Illusive man turned and headed back towards his chair. "I have a shuttle ready to take you to Freedoms Progress, the latest colony to be abducted. Miranda and Jacob will brief you."

Nope, that wasn't going to fly. He wanted her to do his dirty work and fight Reapers that's fine. But there's no way in hell she was going to do it without people she trusted, billions of credits be damned.

"Miranda killed Wilson in cold blood. Jacob's just a gun for hire. You expect me to trust them?"

The Illusive man sighed and rubbed a hand across his face before he answered her. "Wilson was one of my best agents, but he was a traitor. Miranda did exactly what I expected of her. And she saved your life, in more ways than one. Jacob's a soldier, one of the best. He's never fully trusted me, but he's always been honest about it. You'll be just fine with them…for now."

Shepard knew she was being dismissed, but she resolved to get the details about her team ASAP once they returned from Freedoms Progress. She didn't give a rats ass what he said. She wanted her people, not some Cerberus puppets.

"I'll get what your looking for and be back before you know it."

Shepard left the comm room and headed back up to where Miranda and Jacob were waiting. As much as it grated her, she knew she would have to work with them until she was able to get in touch with her team, so she might as well try and get to know something about them.

She started with Miranda, who basically told her to mind her own business, and get her head in the mission. It was pretty much what Shepard was expecting. Muttering to herself, and resolving to try not let the Australian under her skin, she wandered over to Jacob.

They definitely had a better conversation, a lot of it stemming from the fact that he had been Alliance. There was always a connection between people who have served, and Shepard was glad that Jacob, at least, was willing to talk to her.

It caused a pang when he talked about getting drowned in red tape, and being fed up with all the bureaucracy. He sounded so much like Garrus for a moment she could almost feel the big Turian standing next to her, always having her back.

She pushed the thoughts of her team from her mind, and headed for the shuttle. Time to find out if Freedoms Progress had the answers she needed.

 **Kaidan**

 **2184 April**

Kaidan's fist slammed into the heavy bag, followed quickly by a spinning kick. His muscles burned with fatigue, but he pushed through, sending a punishing right hook to the bag. After ten more minutes he stepped away, wiping the sweat off his face with a rag.

He had been hitting the gym hard in the last couple months, and it was definitely paying off. His hand to hand was better than it had ever been, and he was in the best shape of his life. He relished in the feel of the sweat trickling down his back, knowing that the twinges and aches only meant he was still alive and fighting the good fight.

He had pushed himself with his biotics as well, taking what he learned while on Shepard's ground team seriously. He applied himself with ferocious tenacity to improve his offensive attacks. Before Shepard, most likely because of how things went down at Jump Zero, Kaidan had stuck with offensive tactics when it came to his biotics. He had always been slightly wary of using them against other people. Now he send a shockwave, or launch a pull to enormous success.

As it always did when he wasn't focused on something else, his mind strayed to Shepard. He remembered her laughing with Wrex as he had scoffed at her hitting the heavy bag, daring her to try it on a Krogan, then the shock on the big Krogans face as she had landed a right hook across his jaw snapping his head back, before they both roared with laughter. The memory brought a familiar dull ache with it, but it wasn't a constant pain anymore.

It had been a year since her death, and he had slowly started picking up the pieces of his life and was now trying to fit them back together. He still had moments of overwhelming guilt when he thought of how he had listened to her orders and left her behind. His shrink told him he was struggling with survivor's guilt, and it would get better with time. Some days Kaidan felt like he would never be ok.

He had been in regular contact with Anderson over the past months, and would be heading to the Citadel to meet with him tomorrow. Kaidan didn't know what kind of strings Anderson had pulled, but Kaidan reported directly to Admiral Hackett since he had sobered up six months ago. He was very curious as to why Anderson would want to see him now.

He headed for the showers to wash away the sweat from his workout. Afterwards he swung into his bunk in the crew quarters, mind still whirling away. He let out a big sigh, and tried to will his thoughts away. It was no good.

He was dreading going back to the Citadel.

Every time he went to the Citadel he was swamped with memories of Shepard. Those last days in the Hospital, the sun spilling through the window to play across her face as she did a victory dance after cleaning out Garrus at skyllian five. That night they had gone for dinner, just the two of them, and drank too much wine. They had ended up fooling around in the coat room and been chased away by an outraged Volus. She had been breathless with laughter and had kissed him out in the open, on the walkway to the Presidium.

He rolled onto his side, wishing the painful memories would stop, but at the same time relishing them because it was the only time he saw her face. He hadn't heard from any of his other Normandy shipmates in months. The last person he had been in contact with was Adams, when they crossed paths on Arcturus station heading to their respective assignments.

He focused on his breathing, in and out, in and out, until the grey edges of sleep finally pulled him under.

00oo00oo00

Kaidan sat looking down at the certificate in his hands. Staff Commander Alenko.

He was now technically the same rank Shepard had been, minus the Spectre part. He wasn't quite sure how to feel about it, but he thought she would be proud. He ran his thumb across the certificate and wished more than anything she was there to share it with him.

When he met with Anderson three days ago, he had been genuinely shocked to hear that Hackett had recommended him for a promotion. He had been more shocked to hear that Anderson agreed, and was meeting with him again today about a new assignment.

He set the certificate down on his desk, and slipped on his fatigues. As he made his was up to Anderson's office, he kept running his hand through his hair nervously.

When the door opened he stepped inside, Anderson rose from his desk. Surprisingly, Hackett was there and stood as well.

"Admiral. Councillor." He saluted them sharply.

"At ease, Commander Alenko. Look, I am not going to beat around the bush here. We know the Reapers are still out there, even if the brass and the rest of the Council wont believe us. You have proven yourself a capable XO over these last few months, and Hackett had plans to put together a team. We want you to lead it."

 _Wait, what?_ He had only been serving as XO on the _Demetrious_ for 4 months. It was almost unheard of to get a Command that fast. Kaidan's shock and confusion must have shown plainly on his face because Hackett stepped forward to explain.

"Alenko, I am putting together dossiers on biotics in active duty in the Alliance. I want you to meet with them and make a team. We are looking to set up the 1st Special Operations Biotic Company. It will be a covert operations unit, and your job will be to train them."

 _Holy shit._

Anderson added. "It will take some time to gather the names, and you will have to meet with them one on one, and asses their abilities and personalities. This will be a team that needs to be able to handle themselves in solo situations, and be able to go dark for months at a time."

Kaidan's minds was spinning. Covert missions, teaching, training…a new division of the Alliance. This was huge.

"I'm honoured you thought of me Admiral." Kaidan wished his voice didn't sound so raspy, and cleared it hurriedly. "I wont let you down sir."

Hackett just looked at him intently, his scarred face never giving anything away. Anderson spoke up softly "Look Kaidan, You've come a long way since I dragged you out of that bar six months ago. There is something that we need to discuss with you and I think you're ready to hear it now."

Apprehension crawled across Kaidan's skin as Hackett and Anderson shared a look.

"Hackett and I ran this past Shepard after the battle of the Citadel. Pressley, rest his soul, was going to retire after the Normandy cleared the geth from the terminus systems. Shepard was planning on making you her XO, to help train and asses you for your own Command. It was her idea that that command be a team of Biotics. She told me that she had never worked with a biotic like you before, that your ability to stay completely collected in any situation made you an ideal teacher. It was her call, and we believed in her opinion."

Kaidan swallowed hard, trying desperately to keep the emotions welling up inside him like a wave off his face.

Hackett just looked at him, with that calm, cool expression. It was steadying, and Kaidan released the breath he was holding as Hackett continued. "After seeing first hand how you handled yourself over the last few months has shown me that, like always, she was right."

Anderson gave him a small smile. "We will start gathering the dossiers by the end of the month. Going forward, you will be stationed on Titan, Fort Charles Upham. You will have your new orders by the end of the day"

Kaidan knew the place. The Alliance ran the Hostile Environment Assault Training there. He remembered Ash and Shepard talking about a hard-assed instructor they had shared while going through their respective training.

"Yes sir."

"Dismissed, Staff Commander Alenko."

Kaidan snapped a salute at each of them, and spun sharply on his heel, striding out of the office and back into the embassies. He headed down to the Presidium and grabbed a table at a little café.

As the waitress brought over a hot coffee, Kaidan finally allowed himself to run through what Anderson and Hackett had just told him.

Shepard had thought of this, had wanted it for him. She had believed in him, and pushed for him to get this opportunity. She had never said a word.

It was so like her. She had done something selflessly helpful with almost everyone on the team. Helping Garrus with that crazy doctor, getting Wrex's ancestral armour back. Proving to Ash that one can be more than just their name despite perceptions.

And now with him. Setting up the foundation for him to step away from her, and prove himself…even when he knew she wanted him with her on the Normandy.

He remembered the conversation like it happened yesterday, and not more than a year ago.

They had been sitting under a tree in the presidium, having snuck there at 0400 to watch the sun rise, even though it wasn't real, and was generated across the lifelike grids spanning the Citadel.

" _Sometimes I wish we could stay like this forever. Just you and me, without all the craziness and rules." She was leaning with her back against his chest, her fingers tracing small patterns on the knee of his fatigues._

" _I know just what you mean. We will be together on the Normandy though, even if we are going to keep it a bit hush hush until we get to know the new crew." He smiled slightly to himself, and placed a kiss on the nape of her neck, trailing the tips of his fingers along the smooth skin of her arms._

 _She shivered slightly, but didn't answer him._

" _Shepard… You do want me on the Normandy, right?" He hated the twinge of nerves, the small voice in his head telling him not to cling._

" _Kaidan, of course I want you on the Normandy. I don't think you'll ever understand how much. After Mindoir… It just, means a lot to me to have you with me. Someone I…care so much about. I know you'll have my back and you know I'll have yours. And we will be able to see this thing through…this thing we have between us." She had a strange tone in her voice, like she was happy and sad at the same time._

 _He shifted her so she was partially turned, and the soft light of the approaching sunrise bathed across her face. He trailed his fingers down her cheek and kissed her softly._

" _Jane, I'm not going anywhere."_

 _She smiled back at him, and kissed him in return. "Not right now anyway." She snuggled deep into his side and they wrapped themselves around one another, merging from two hearts to one as the sun broke over the tree's and the dawn began._

She had known then that he would get this chance. The sadness was still there, but something else was with it now. A kind of determination. Determination to make her proud, and prove her trust in him.

Determination to show her, wherever she might be watching from, that he could do this.


	18. Chapter 18

Authors Note: I hope every one had a very happy holiday! I worked really hard on this chapter, and I apologize that the chapters aren't coming out as fast as they were earlier. The ME2 storyline is proving to be a bit of a challenge, as the characters keep pulling me in different directions and I have to make all their idea's meld with my own!

That being said I am very happy with how this turned out, so I hope you enjoy it. If you find something in the chapter you love, or hate, please feel free to review. It makes my day to see those comments, no matter what they contain.

As always, thanks to Ka'Dira Ezra my fantastic Beta.

Chapter Eighteen

 **Shepard**

 **2185, February**

Jane Shepard sat wearily on the bench in the shuttle, ignoring Jacob and Miranda.

She was bone tired and was struggling with the emotions swirling through her. She leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees, cradling her face in her hands. She couldn't stop the slow tears that slid down her face.

It had officially been the hardest, and most upsetting eighteen hours of her twenty-nine years. _Wait. Thirty-one years._ A harsh sob escaped her, and her shoulders heaved with the effort to hold more of them back. The events of the day went over and over again through her mind.

After her meeting with the Illusive Man, she, along with Miranda and Jacob, had headed to Freedoms Progress to look for clues as to who or what was causing all the human colonists to disappear. It had been like a wave of hope and relief when she saw Tali.

Shepard had been so happy to see her. And she was in charge of her own squad, her voice ringing with authority. Her young Quarian friend had really come into her own.

Something that had been banded tight around Shepard's heart released a little when Tali had ordered her team to stand down, saying she knew that this was definitely Commander Shepard, not a trace of doubt in her trilling voice.

She explained to Tali that she had nearly died, and had spent the last two years being…rebuilt. She was with Cerberus to investigate what what happening to the Human colonies. One of Tali's teams scoffed at Shepard, and was instantly dressed down by Tali, who unquestioningly had her back.

She and Tali had decided to work together and find Veetor, a young Quarian on his pilgrimage that the Quarian team was trying to find. Shepard and Tali went their separate ways with their teams, taking out Mech's and rocket drones all along the way. Unfortunately, Tali's team hadn't been so good at taking orders, and had almost all been taken out by an Atlas Mech.

It had been huge, and it had taken everything Shepard, Miranda and Jacob could throw at it to take it down. Shepard had been surprised at her speed and agility. She was different from before. She was stronger and recovered more easily. It had rattled her to feel herself move differently then the way she remembered moving.

They had found the Veetor, and against Miranda's desire to take him back to Cerberus, Shepard had released him into Tali's care, and the Quarians had allowed her to take a copy of his Omni-tool data.

Data that contained evidence of the Collectors being the one's abducting hundreds of thousands of humans.

The Collectors. An ancient and relatively unknown race, that usually kept to themselves, unless they wanted to work out some kind of trade. They were drawn to new and advanced technologies. It could be there connection to the Reapers.

On Freedoms Progress the Collectors had released some kind of insect swarm that paralyzed the colonists, then they were put into pods and floated away into the ship. A chill ran through Shepard at the thought of standing there, being frozen and helpless while they bundled you into a pod and stole you away from your life.

Shepard had tried to get Tali to join her, and help her figure out this mess, but her friend refused to step away from her team. Shepard couldn't blame her; when she had been leading her old team, she wouldn't have stepped away from them either. It had still hurt, more than she had been expecting, to walk away. Leaving behind someone she knew and trusted, and returning to Cerberus with people she didn't trust at all, let alone like.

Thinking about meeting Tali strengthened Shepard's resolve. She pushed off her feet as the shuttled docked, scrubbing away the evidence of her tears, and headed to debrief the Illusive Man…but this time, she would get some answers about the rest of her people.

As the projector scanned her, she straightened to her full height, slamming her internal barriers up and locking her face into a mask.

He was sitting again, smoking. "Shepard. Good work on Freedom's Progress." He drawled. "The Quarians forwarded their findings from Veetor's debriefing. No new data, but it's a surprising olive branch given our history. You and I have different methods, but I can't argue with your results." He tented his fingers in front of his chest, and looked at her calmly over them.

Shepard couldn't quite keep the disdain and sarcasm out of her voice when she replied.

"You ever think about playing nice once in a while?"

The Illusive Man heaved a sigh, and dropped his hands. "Diplomacy is great when it works, but difficult when everyone already perceives you as a threat."

Shepard cocked an eyebrow at him. He smirked at her a little when he continued. "But more importantly, you confirmed the Collectors are behind the abductions."

Shepard's ear instantly caught the inflection he put on _are_. "Why do I get the feeling you knew about them already?" She crossed her arms under her breasts and sank into a hip, her eyes never leaving his face.

"I had my suspicions, but I needed proof. The Collectors are enigmatic at best." She listened as he explained what he knew about them, most of it the same as what she knew, except the fact that always disappeared behind the Omega 4 relay.

A Relay that no one had ever come back from.

Shepard still didn't trust Cerberus, but the evidence was too overwhelming for her to walk away from. She needed to stop them, and she while she would never allow herself to work for them, had needed to work with them and their limitless resources to get the job done.

He started to talk about dossiers that he had gathered for her to review, the best of the best, as potential team members and she cut across him quickly.

"Keep your list. I want people I can trust…the ones who helped me stop Saren and the geth."

The Illusive man shifted slightly in his chair, and Shepard narrowed her eyes at him. "That was two years ago Commander. Most of them have moved on…or their allegiances have changed."

He knew…He knew about them, what they were doing, where they were. Her heart started beating erratically and she slammed her walls down on the emotions rising through her. _He knows where Kaidan is, where all of them are…and if they are alive_. She couldn't afford to ask about Kaidan first, she needed time to prepare herself for whatever he said, and keep the emotions off her face.

"Where's Urdnot Wrex?"

The Illusive man patiently, but firmly, answered all of her questions. Wrex had gone back to Tuchanka, trying to unite the Krogan clans. He wouldn't give her more information on Tali, vaguely talking about needed to do more research about her.

Shepard sucked in a breath when he told her that Liara was suspected of working for the Shadow Broker, and was currently based on Illium. _Liara and the Shadow Broker? God, what the hell had happened to the naïve young Asari I knew if this was true?_

The Illusive man broke eye contact with her, looking away at a screen and tapping a couple buttons when she asked about Garrus. When he looked back at her, she couldn't describe the emotion on his face. "The Turian disappeared a few months after you were declared dead. Even we haven't been able to locate him."

 _No. Garrus hasn't been seen in over a year?_ In times like these, and with the Illusive Man's reach…if Garrus hadn't been found it most likely meant that he was dead. Shepard battled down the nausea rising in her throat. She remembered laying under the Mako with him while he tinkered on something, teasing her about her driving.

Other than Kaidan, there was no one she was closer with. Tears stung the back of hers eyes as she pictured him dead, god knows where.

"And Kaidan?" Shepard's voice cracked, and she swallowed hard. "Where's Kaidan Alenko?"

The Illusive Man hesitated. She saw it is his face, and she was instantly on guard. "He's still with the Alliance. Promoted to Commander, I believe. His file is surprisingly well classified."

The surges of relief, pride and suspicion warred within her. For the moment, relief won out.

 _He's alive, he's still serving. He's ok._ She wobbled, only slightly, and only for a second. Her knees were weak as the tension she hadn't realised she had been holding since she woke up released.

None of them were available to her. It had been two years for them, and they had all moved on. She wanted to ask about the rest, the ones that hadn't been on the ground team, but couldn't bring herself to face anymore disappointment.

She closed it all off. She was still a Spectre, and she told the Illusive Man she would go to the Citadel, try and get the council to help them. He just smiled slightly, reminding her that she had been gone a long time, and things were different from before.

She turned to go, and he called for her to wait. He told her she needed to go to Omega, and get some scientist. He was apparently brilliant, and the Illusive Man wanted him on the team to help in the fight against the Collectors.

She was gritting her teeth against the effort to snap at him for ordering her around when he said "I found a pilot I think you might like. I hear he's one of the best. Someone you can trust" There was a definite smirk on his face now. He disconnected abruptly, and Shepard heard footsteps behind her. She whirled to face the newcomer, and then stood stock still as the blood rushed from her head.

Joker stood behind her. "Hey Commander… Just like old times huh?"

 _Joker screamed her name, his eyes pleading with her to get back to the pod. She hit the eject, watching as he flew away to safety as the beam cut into the Normandy again, and she was torn loose, spinning into the void._

"Joker…" She whispered. He fidgeted and looked at her. They just stood and looked at one another. She took a step closer to him, and then another. He didn't move, didn't fade away like a memory. Her hand shook as she reached towards him. The skin on him arm was warm, the hair soft under her fingertips. It was really him. He was here.

She pulled him into a hug as tightly as she dared, and after a moment he hugged back, hard. "I'm so glad you're okay." She whispered. They pulled apart and she grinned wryly at him as she wiped the tears from her eyes. He was looking at her, his eyes roaming across the cybernetic scars on her face.

"I can't believe its you Joker." Shepard was grinning at him, and after a moment he returned it.

It was with the sarcasm and wittiness she remembered when he replied "Look who's talking. I saw you get spaced."

She didn't want to get into the whole, 'I was dead thing', so she just laughed, keeping her fears about what exactly Cerberus had done to her locked down. "Got lucky…with a lot of strings attached." She released him and they started walking side by side back up to where Miranda and Jacob were waiting.

"How'd you get here?" She asked

"It all fell apart without you Commander. Everything you stirred up, the Council just wanted it gone. The Team was broken up, records sealed. And I was grounded." His voice was bitter.

"The Alliance took away the one thing that mattered to me. Hell yeah I joined Cerberus"

She stopped him in a long hall. The pathway was wide, with large panels of glass covering the walls on either side of them, giving the image that they were suspended in the air "Do you really trust the Illusive Man?"

He gave her a sideways grin. "I don't trust anyone who makes more than I do...except you of course. But they aren't all bad. Saved your life. Let me fly…and there's this. They just showed it to me last night. I was waiting for you to join me before I checked it out." A huge grin split his face and he looked through the glass intently, like a kid with their favorite present at Christmas.

The lights flicked on and there she was. The Normandy. Well, almost. This ship was bigger, and was painted in the Cerberus colours. Black and yellow. But it looked just like her. She reached over and grabbed Jokers hand. He looked at her and squeezed back. "It's good to be home, huh Commander?"

Once aboard, Shepard walked slowly through the Normandy SR-2, Jacob and Miranda trailing her. Joker went straight for the cockpit, too eager to touch the controls to look at he rest of the ship. It was like she was going through echoes of the old Normandy. Such much was the same, but also vastly different.

She stood looking over the CIC while Miranda and Jacob left to go to their posts. She heard a positively girly squeal of glee, and what sounded like "Leather!" coming from the Bridge. Smiling to herself she wandered up to see Joker.

He was giddy. "Can you believe this Commander! It's my baby, better than new! It fits me like a glove. And _leather_ seats! Military may set the hardware standard, but on a first-gen frigate they couldn't care less if the seats breathe. Civilian sector comfort with design!"

Shepard chuckled at him. He was absolutely entranced. He was running his fingers tips across the arm rests and control panels lovingly.

A blue orb glowed to life beside Joker and a silky, slightly electronic, and extremely sexy voice spoke from it. "The reproduction is not intended to be perfect Mr. Moreau. Seamless improvements were made."

 _Hmmm, that's new._

Joker sighed and shot the orb a filthy look. "And there's the downside. I liked the Normandy when she was beautiful and quiet. Now she's got this thing I don't want to talk about. It's like ship cancer. They told me they installed a A.I. Didn't know it would be so chatty."

As much as it was familiar, it wasn't home. "It's not the same Joker. There's nothing here what was even a part of the real Normandy." She left it unsaid that the real Normandy was in pieces somewhere by Alchera.

She was a little surprised when Joker looked at her seriously and said "There's us. I have to take what I can get. The last two years sucked. You'll see. Even if an A.I is spying on us, there's no way they'll invest this much just to screw us over. It'll be better than the old days." There was an almost desperate determination in his eyes.

Shepard could only imagine what it must have been like for him. Watching her die, then getting punished and having the only thing he really cared about torn away from him. She resolved to spend more time with the pilot to make sure they got through it all together.

She shot him a cheeky grin. "I hope it'll be better than the old days…I died."

His face blanched, but when she just grinned and winked he spun his chair back to the controls.

"Gah, you are such a downer."

She chuckled again and moved away, wanting to go through the rest of the ship. She moved to the elevator, there were no stairs on the new ship, and took it all the way down to engineering. There were a couple young Cerberus Engineers, Kenneth Donnelly and Gabriella Daniels. They seemed like good people, and Shepard warmed to them almost instantly. A lot of the rooms she came across were empty, and although Miranda said they had a full crew, minus her ground team, it still felt empty.

She moved up to the crew deck, and was curious at the amount of locked doors she encountered. EDI, the name of the ships A.I, would only give her small details about the rooms, but not unlock them. One of the rooms was Miranda's. She knocked, then stepped inside to try and have another go at getting to know her better.

Shepard was feeling much more at ease since seeing Joker, and the Australian didn't seem to be as cold as she had been before Freedoms Progress. Shepard had a lot of questions for her, but was mostly disappointed in Miranda's answers. The woman was deep in the Illusive Man's pocket it seemed. She had swallowed the propaganda that Cerberus was the answer to Humanities success, hook, line and sinker.

The only part of the conversation that didn't seem stilted was when Shepard asked about Miranda herself. Miranda was cocky as she described how she had been genetically modified by her father to be 'Perfect'. Everything from her looks to her biotics was crafted to be used as a weapon. Shepard imagined it had been a cold way to grow up.

The conversation left a slightly sour taste in Shepard's mouth, and as she headed into the mess to get a glass of water she came across the cook, Gardener. He seemed like an alright sort, and Shepard had just turned to go back towards the elevator when a familiar profile caught her eye.

She set the water glass down with a thunk, and headed towards the Med Bay, her heart thumping painfully in her chest.

" _Karin, you need to get to the emergency pods, there will be people hurt, burns and broken bones. I need you down there ok?" Shepard grabbed the doctor's hands with her own, offering support, even while her tone brokered no room for argument._

Dr. Chakwas turned at the soft hiss of the door opening, and rose from her desk a little unsteadily.

"Commander Shepard. I watched the Normandy crumble with you on board. It's good to see you alive." Her accent was heartbreakingly familiar.

The doctor reached trembling hands towards her, and without hesitation Shepard walking into her embrace. "God Karin, it's so good to see you!" She whispered, gripping the doctor tightly.

"They told me that they had you, that they were bringing you back and asked if I would join them to help you once you were awake. There was never a doubt for me. I know that everyone's best chance is with you, and a took the next shuttle away from the Alliance."

They sat next to each other on one of the beds. Chakwas reached out and traced the scars on her face.

"How bad was it Karin, really?" Shepard's voice was quiet, and a quicksilver trickle of fear tingled through her body while waiting for the answer.

Dr. Chakwas looked at her, then as though coming to a decision said "Bad." She reached over and flicked a switch, locking the med bay, and making the windows opaque.

"I got the reports, but I wasn't allowed to examine you. The kept you locked away. Joker and I tried to see you, but were always denied. They let us look through the glass to see that it was really you, but were never allowed inside. This wont be easy to hear Jane."

Hearing Dr. Chakwas use her first name was a shock. "I would like to examine you now, and I will tell you what I know."

Shepard swallowed and nodded, scooting off the cot and quickly stripping to her under garments. She sucked in a horrified breath and her body was uncovered.

Gone, every scar she had had before was gone. New, angry red scars, glowing with cybernetics covered her body. She reached out, a trembling hand touching the spot in her thigh where she had been shot the day the Batarians killed Lily in her parent's back yard. It was smooth, and unblemished.

As she looked over her body for the marks that told the story of her life, she felt control over her emotions slipping more and more. _Who am I?_ This body that moved different, felt different and now looked different, wasn't her. _What the hell had happened?_

She stood still, but trembling slightly as Dr. Chakwas scanned her. The Doctor began to speak softly, explaining everything she knew. "You were technically dead when they got a hold of you. The extent of the damage was severe. You were flash burned by the atmosphere of Alchera, and well…unrecognizable other than your armour. They used cybernetics implanted throughout your body to try and restore blood flow and functionality to your bones and organs. The ones that were damaged beyond salvation were replaced. Your scars… your skin was badly damaged, and they used a new skin weave. It was all regrown."

Tears were pouring silently down Shepard's face. _How much of me is… me? Am I still the same person as before, or am I someone new…someone they grew in a lab as a replacement?_ As though she knew what she was thinking, Chakwas grabbed her hand firmly and said fiercely. "You are the same person Jane. I promise you, you are not a clone, or a high tech synthetic. You are you."

Shepard nodded stiffly. Dr. Chakwas finished her scan, then motioned her back into her clothes. "The scars will fade, you weren't supposed to be up yet, so it will take some time. The cybernetics react to your body. If you want to heal and get through this, you will. If you let your self go dark…well, the scars will reflect that. Cerberus has incredible resources. I have put out some feelers and am hoping I can get a few upgrades for the med bay. If so, we can have those scars cleared away."

Dr. Chakwas leaned close to her. "I know nothing looks, or even feels the same… But this is a second chance Jane. No one has ever done what Cerberus did with you before. You will heal faster, and move faster than you did before and yes, the old scars are gone, but _you_ aren't. This might be just the edge you need to help beat the Reapers."

Shepard reached out and grabbed the doctors hand. "I am glad you're here. I need people who will tell me the truth. Who will keep me out of the darkness."

Dr. Chakwas heaved a sigh, and once again sat beside her on the bed. "The truth is, I need a stiff drink, and my usual stash of Serrice Ice Brandy is gone. There's never good booze around when it is really needed."

The seriousness of Dr. Chakwas voice as she lamented the lack of booze was like a weight being lifted from Shepard's shoulders. Two years of her life might be gone, but she had Karin and Joker. She burst into a loud belly laugh, and the Doctor joined in.

Whatever the Illusive man said, she would try to find her people. But for now, she just leaned against Dr. Chakwas, and let herself relax.

She could do this.

 **Kaidan**

 **2185 February**

"C'mon Jackson, push!" Kaidan encouraged the young marine in front of him. He had twenty-four hours left with his first class of students, before they got their individual assignments and went out into the Galaxy, the first biotic infiltrators. He had busted their asses over the past 10 months, pushing them hard, but never past their limits to get them ready for the high risk, black ops operations they would be getting thrown into.

Jackson held the barrier firm against everything Kaidan threw at it, and as he called out "Enough" the young man released it. Kaidan shook his hand with a grin. "Great job Jackson. I think you could hold that barrier up against an Atlas Mech now if you had to. Gather the rest of the team and meet me in the debrief room in thirty." With a sharp salute, the marine jogged towards the showers.

Kaidan ran a hand through his hair. He had let it grow and it was probably a little past regulation length, but he didn't care. He had been shocked at first when he saw the gray hair coming in over his temples. It was as though they appeared all at once, taking him by surprise. He was thirty-four now, and in his prime. The assignment of the 1st Special Operations Biotic Company had been good for him, and he had settled into a routine.

He had taken his students through scenario after scenario, throwing everything he had ever come across in his career at them. Some have them hadn't been able to hack it, and had dropped out of the program, but he had found them roles in the Alliance that were better suited.

He had learned that from Shepard. There was always a talent within in people, and you had to make that talent work for them, not just cram them into the role that was available.

He heaved a sigh. Some of his buddies from Fort Charles Upham were meeting him on the Citadel this evening, and they had set him up with a Doctor he had worked with a couple times. He had dissuaded them from setting him up before, but this time they wouldn't take no for an answer, and he didn't want to be rude. He was meeting Anderson the day after that, and was feeling unaccountably nervous about it.

Thoughts of Shepard still crept up on him at least once a day, some smell or sound would make him turn to look for her, almost expecting to see the quick flash of her smile when he turned around. Maybe it was time he tried to move on.

He headed to the debriefing room. They were all waiting for him, looks of anxiety and eagerness on their faces. He took his time as he went through their assignments. They would all be going solo, working into other teams, or staying on their own as they scattered throughout the Galaxy, getting as much intel for the Alliance as they could find. They knew about the Reapers, and believed every word about needing to be prepared for an invasion that was sure to come.

A few of them asked about the new students he would be getting, and if he was going to recruit rom Grissom Academy. He smiled, and said he had to wait and see, as he might be getting a new assignment for a while. He assured them that he would welcome any students from the Academy, they were supposed to be the best Biotics out there.

They shook his hand one by one as he dismissed them, sending them off to have a night of celebration without their teacher, and to say their goodbyes. He knew now how hard it must have been for Shepard, when she had said good bye to the members of the Normandy that had left for other things after the Battle of the Citadel. It was never easy to step away from a group of people you had learned to trust implicitly.

As the ship pulled into the Citadel dock and his students headed off laughing for the closest bar, Kaidan headed to his temporary quarters and changed into his civvies. It had been months since he was out of his uniform or fatigues, and he had to admit it felt good to look like a man, and not just a soldier. He ran a hand through his hair and glanced at the clock. Time to go and meet Dr. Diana Morton.

He walked into _Carmellini,_ one of the best human cuisine restaurants on the Citadel and scanned the tables for Diana. A movement caught his eye, and he turned, spotting her waving at him from a table near the back. As he wove through the tables towards her, he tried to crush the little voice whispering him his head _'She isn't Shepard… you shouldn't be doing this.'_

Her chocolate brown hair was twisted up elegantly, exposing her neck, and she had rimmed her expressive brown eyes with kohl. She stood as he approached and greeted him warmly, placing a kiss on his cheek. Kaidan murmured a greeting and sat down, after assisting her with her chair.

For Kaidan, the evening seemed to drag. He became more and more uncomfortable as she leaned close to him, making excuses to touch his hand or arm. When their meal ended, the politeness his parents had drilled into him since birth kicked in automatically, and he asked if he could see her home. He could have kicked himself at the hope that sprang into her face.

He helped her into her jacket and hailed them a cab. The ten-minute ride to her apartment was torturous. She pressed her leg against his, and tried to take his hand. Kaidan pulled his hand from underneath hers, running it through his hair awkwardly, not wanting to lead her on. He could feel the disappointment coming off of her as he helped her out of the cab, then shoved his hands into the pockets of his slacks.

"Look Kaidan… I really enjoyed myself this evening. I would like to see you again. I like you."

 _Diana is nothing if not determined_ he thought with a sigh. He scrubbed his hand down his face, then said as gently as he could "Look Diana, you're great, but I don't think I can do this again. I wanted to meet with you, I really did but…"

She sighed, and smiled at him a little sadly. "But you aren't over her. Whoever it was that hurt you."

"It's not like that she uh… she died." Kaidan swallowed hard, and dropped his eyes from her gaze, looking down at his toes.

"I see. I'm sorry. How long?" She asked the question simply, and when he looked back up, there was only sympathy in her eyes.

"Almost two years."

Her smile was sad, and she leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek once again. "It will get easier, eventually. I lost my Ian almost 6 years ago now. We were engaged."

"I didn't know." Kaidan said, knowing she must have felt like he did when Shepard died.

"Thank you for dinner Kaidan, and if you decide you want someone to talk to, you know how to contact me."

He nodded, and moved back towards the cab when she went inside. His chest felt tight, and he fought the moisture gathering in his eyes. _Why was it still so hard?_

He went back to his temporary quarters and flung himself on the bed after shucking off his clothes. He slept fitfully, and dreams of her flashed through his mind throughout the long night.

In the morning, he headed to the Council Chambers to meet Anderson, wondering what the Councillor had for him now. If he had known then what Anderson was going to say, he would have made himself have a good stiff drink first.

"Commander Alenko. Good to see you. I understand your students have all headed out for their new posts?" Anderson shook his hand warmly, gesturing him to relax and take a seat.

"Yes sir. I feel confident that they will all do extremely well." Was Kaidan imagining it, or did Anderson looked strained.

"Alright Kaidan, I'm not going to beat around the bush. I need you to get out to Horizon. There have been more and more reports of Human Colonies, whole Human Colonies vanishing in the terminus systems."

Jesus. He swallowed hard and searched Anderson's face. "Reapers sir?"

"We don't know yet. There have been rumors that Cerberus is involved."

"Cerberus?" Kaidan was confused. "Aren't they a pro-human group? Why would they be abducting colonists?"

Anderson sighed, letting the weariness settle on his shoulders. "Yes, but they are also terrorists. They have been involved in some horrifying experiments…things I am not cleared to tell you about. But know that they are bad news. They have a huge amount of resources, and virtually no one able to take them down, or keep them in check. They are like ghosts."

"Why Horizon sir?"

"They have become distrustful of the Alliance. I want you out there to try and make a good impression, try and get them back into the fold so to speak. I also want you to get some defense towers up, try and make it a little more secure."

"Are you concerned there will be an attack there sir?" Kaidan could feel the tension coming off Anderson. There was something that he wasn't telling him… something he was scared to tell him.

"Look Kaidan, I'm not quite sure how to tell you this. There are rumors about Cerberus." Anderson leaned forward, his elbows resting on the desk. The pain in his eyes terrified Kaidan. "People are saying that Shepard is with them."

The air squeezed from Kaidan's lungs. There were black spots dancing across his vision and he made a sick gasping noise. _Not Possible._ "What do you mean… Shepard is dead, she got spaced… how are they saying she is with them?"

Anderson looked at him, and the pain that was in Kaidan's eyes, was reflected in the older man's. "About a week ago we received some intel from a source in the terminus systems. A very reliable source. They sent a report stating that Shepard was on Freedom's Progress… a colony that was abducted. This was attached to it."

Anderson sent something to his Omni-tool, and Kaidan was surprised to see his fingers shake as he reached to open it. His breathing felt shallow, and when he opened the file and saw the picture, his breath dragged to a halt.

Shepard, or someone who looked just like her was staring at a wall of video screens, with her hand on a seated Quarians shoulder. There were two people behind her, but their images were blurry. She was thin, so thin and her face was covered in scars, but it was her.

"How…how is this possible?" Kaidan's voice was like broken glass, harsh in the silence of the room.

"Our source said that she had been brought back…rebuilt by Cerberus. The source said they had recovered her body, and repaired her."

"I need to go. Anderson I need to go right now! Where was the last place they saw her, what if they are holding her against her will? God dammit Anderson we need to do something!" Kaidan had pushed violently out of his chair, and it clattered to the ground behind him. His Biotics flared wildly as he struggled with control, and several items on Anderson's desk wobbled.

Anderson didn't move, just looked at him with a sad expression on his face. "Kaidan… we don't even know if it is actually her. People don't come back from the dead. This…Shepard could be a clone, or someone genetically modified to look like her. Cerberus could just be using her image to get support. We don't even know if its really her."

The words were like knives in his gut. A clone. Someone modified to look like her.

The panic and rush of hope that had filled him drained away. Anderson was right. If it was Shepard, why had there been no contact? She would have reached out to someone. She would have tried to reach out to _him_.

"Kaidan… we don't know anything yet, good or bad. But I still need you on Horizon. The colonists there need an Alliance presence, and if it is true…Horizon may be a target, and if Cerberus is behind the attacks, they will end up there eventually. They will need you there to help them."

Kaidan nodded, feeling numb.

"Kaidan… Maybe it is her. Just don't do anything rash. I am pulling as many strings as I can to get more information, and anything I find I will send to you immediately. We have no idea what condition she might have been in if they found her. If it really is her, she may have no memories…we just don't know enough."

"Yes… Yes, sir. When do you want me to ship out?" The words were forced through numb lips, and all he wanted to do was scream.

"You leave tomorrow at 0600."

Kaidan nodded and turned, walking stiffly towards the door.

As he reached it Anderson called out "Alenko!" He looked back at Anderson over his shoulder. "It will be alright. We will figure this out."

"Yes, sir."


	19. Chapter 19

Author's Note: We have a lot of different emotions in this chapter, but it is a bit of a shorter one. It just flowed best this way. As always, thanks to Ka'Dira Ezra.

I have had some guest reviews, so thank you so much to luluL and Dawn. It was great to see some feedback!

Enjoy

Chapter Nineteen

 **Shepard**

 **2185, February**

"Garrus!" The scream tore from Shepard's throat. A gunship was framed in the window behind him, and there was nowhere for him to go. There was a brief moment where their eyes met as he turned towards the threat, and then he disappeared in a wreath a flames as a rocket slammed into him.

 _No. Oh god no, please let me get him out of here, please let him live._ Shepard's back slammed into cover as the gunship peppered the room, bullets flying everywhere. She signaled Miranda and Jacob to throw everything they had at it, and when they had it engaged she rolled across to Garrus.

He was stirring feebly, making a horrifying wet gurgle as he tried to breathe, his hand twitching towards his rifle. He lay face down in a pool of cerulean blood. Shepard put her hand on his shoulder. "Garrus, don't try to move, I've got you. It's going to be ok."

Another rocket roared over her head and she flattened herself on top of him to shield him, while Jacob cursed soundly and launched a shockwave. Shepard popped out of cover and unloaded her full clip into the gunship until it finally started to spark and smoke. Miranda finished it off, and Shepard turned back to Garrus.

With the last of the mercs put down and the gunship dealt with, the sudden silence was deafening. Shepard's heart was clenched tight with fear as she slowly turned Garrus over. Half his face was torn away, and his armour was burned away on his left side, with angry burns and gashes pouring blood everywhere. It was bad. He was still conscious, and his eyes were rolling wildly.

Miranda was radioing Joker, calling for an immediate evac and to have Dr. Chakwas on standby. Jacob was pumping medi gel into Garrus as fast as he could, and Shepard was having a harder and harder time clamping down on her panic.

"Garrus. We've got you now. Don't you dare die on me you Turian bastard, not now that I've found you. I don't know these people…I need you with me. I need you to be ok. Please be ok." She was murmuring to him as she bent over him, not really realising what she was saying. Between Jacob and Miranda, they used their biotics to float him into the cargo bay with Shepard never releasing his hand.

When they finally got him into the med bay, it took Dr. Chakwas forcibly pulling her hand out of Garrus' for Shepard to snap out of her haze and hear what the doctor was saying.

"Shepard, I need to operate now. He has lost a lot of blood. His face… You need to go now Commander, and let me work." Shepard nodded numbly and left the med bay.

Shepard was covered in Garrus' bright blue blood, and she walked through the Normandy almost as though she was sleep walking. Jacob was trying to talk to her, but she just moved past him onto the elevator. By the time she reached her cabin, her hands were shaking, and her breath was erratic and harsh. Her knees gave way and she sank to the floor beside the washroom.

 _This is a panic attack. I am having a panic attack._ Shepard hadn't had a panic attack since right after Mindoir, when she would wake up screaming and shrieking in the middle of the night, with images of her mother and Lily flashing through her mind. She clamped her arms around her middle and started slowly rocking herself back and forth, her breath a ragged gasp as it struggled past her clenched jaw.

00oo00oo00

"Mr. Moreau, I believe you should report immediately to the Commanders quarters." EDI's voice startled Joker from his thoughts. He had been sitting in his chair wondering just how the hell 'Archangel' turned out to be Garrus, who was now bleeding out in the med bay.

"What? Why?" Joker was confused, Shepard usually just pinged him from her omni tool when she needed to see him.

"The Commander's heart rate has increased to dangerous levels, and she seems to be in considerable distress. With Dr. Chakwas in surgery, I believe it would be most beneficial for you to be the one to see to the Commander." The A.I's voice almost sounded…concerned.

"Jesus! I'm going. Take the helm." Joker scrambled up from his chair as quickly as his body would allow, and headed for the loft quarters. "Most advanced warship in the galaxy, and the elevators move like my one-legged arthritic granny" He muttered to himself in frustration.

With a ping, he finally got off the elevator and into the loft. It was huge, a fish tank dominated one wall, and the bed was enormous. Yet another perk of going private. He heard a muffled noise and turned, spotting Shepard curled into herself against the door to the washroom.

She was ghost white, with dark circles around her eyes, and she was covered in Garrus' blood. She was holding her knees tight to her chest and rocking herself back and forth, murmuring softly and shaking her head. His heart broke for her.

He sank down in front of her, ignoring the protest from his bones. "Shepard?"

Nothing. The manic expression stayed on her face, and she never stop murmuring.

Joker reached his hand out tentatively and rested it on her knee. "Shepard?"

Her gaze snapped up to meet his, and for a moment her eyes were those of someone dead, and he swallowed the gasp of shock when he met them. Then they were filled with pain, and a single tear tracked down her cheek.

"How is this happening Joker. I was dead. I don't even know if I am a real person. Two years…two years and I am brought back to what… to see everyone else die? Garrus… ten minutes. If I had been ten minutes later he would have been dead. I made it in time, only to see him get blown up by a fucking rocket." Her voice was harsh, and the pain in it tore at Joker like claws.

"Shepard, none of this is you. Garrus will pull through, he's tough. And yeah, it's been two years, but you're back now, and we are all so incredibly happy… you were the glue Shepard. Without you, we were just people."

She was rocking again, and shaking her head while he spoke to her. "No. No. This is a punishment. They brought me back to punish me. I will have to watch you all die. I will have to watch when I am not able to save you."

Real fear flooded through Joker at her words. It didn't even sound like her, her voice was…wrong.

He scooted closer to her, and pried her hands off her knees. He pulled her into a hug, banding his arms around her when she stiffened away. _Please don't break me, please don't break me._ After a moment the tension seeped out of her, then her arms were tight around him and she was sobbing into his neck.

"Shhh, Shepard. It's ok, we are all here for you. You are still you…I saw you on that table, believe me it's you. There is nothing anyone would punish you for. You are the reason we are still here. _You._ If anything, all of this is my fault. If you hadn't had to come back for me…"

Joker's throat felt hot and tight, and he clenched his jaw against the hot tears he refused to let fall.

She raised her head from his neck, her eyes red and swollen, and he was shocked to see she looked pissed. "Don't you _ever_ say that saving you was the wrong thing to do. It was my job to get everyone out, just like it was your job to save the ship for as long as possible so I could. It wasn't a mistake Joker, don't make me say it to you again."

Their eyes were locked, and for a moment Joker just sat, absorbing what she said. "Shepard… You did get everyone off. The ones who died…Pressley, they were dead before the final explosion."

She nodded, then moved like she was going to stand. Without really thinking about it, he tugged her hand, pulling her back into a hug. "You know you can come to me about anything right? Forget all the Cerberus bullshit, you're my best friend, and I refuse to let you place all of this on your shoulders. You are Commander Shepard, whatever the Alliance says. You are the one who can get it done, not without your incredibly handsome and talented pilot of course… but your people will be there with you every step of the way. You won't ever be doing it alone."

She laughed a little, and scrubbed her hand over her face. "Thank you, Joker. I don't know what I would do if you weren't here. It's just so hard to grasp. Two years. To me it felt like last week I was standing on the bridge with you and Kaidan…" She trailed off, pain flashing across her face again.

"We will find him. He's is still with the Alliance; He's out there somewhere." Joker squeezed her arm gently.

"I know. Karin… Dr. Chakwas says it will get better, and that my brain is still adjusting to all the new information. It's just…hard you know?"

"Yeah. Listen, let's get you up, then you can help me up. Cause I think my ass is broken for sitting on this floor for so long, and we will go and check on Garrus ok?"

Shepard laughed. A real genuine laugh that made Joker grin at her in return. She got up and helped him to his feet. She was still covered in blood, and her eyes were red in her puffy face.

"Uhh, maybe you should have a shower first Shepard… Wouldn't want to scare the poor guy to death after he wakes up."

She looked down at herself, and grimaced. "Yeah, good call." He helped her unclasp the fastening on her armour, and she shrugged it off, leaving it in a pile on the floor.

"I'll get Jacob to come and get it for you…he can clean it too." Joker's smirked as he said it, and Shepard just laughed again.

"You do that. I'll see you in the med bay in thirty." She turned and headed into the washroom.

"Jacob, the Commander needs you to work on her armour, please report to her cabin and pick it up." With a last look around at the lavish quarters, he headed back down to wait by the med bay for Shepard.

00oo00oo00

The relief that flooded through Shepard when Dr. Chakwas told her that Garrus would be ok was staggering. He would have some very impressive scars, and the doctor had used cybernetics to repair his face, most of the bone had been irreparably damaged, but he would be fine.

Joker headed back up to the bridge after the good news, so Shepard stayed with Dr. Chakwas for a thorough update.

She sank into at chair beside his bed, warring with the emotions that were threatening to overwhelm her. She had never had such a hard time controlling herself before, and it was difficult now, to feel like she was constantly at war with herself.

"Jane, how are you doing? Joker said you were having a tough time earlier." The doctors voice was concerned and sympathetic, but not pitying. For that Shepard was grateful. She couldn't have handled pity.

"If by tough time you mean having a break down in my room and feeling incredibly sorry for myself, then yeah. I was." Shepard tried to keep her tone light, but as usual, the doctor saw straight through her.

"Listen Jane, you need to be open with me about this. I can't begin to understand how you must be feeling, but you must know that all I want is to help you. If you start to feel overwhelmed, come and see me. We need to make sure you are getting enough rest. If you find you aren't sleeping, I will give you something. Running yourself ragged isn't going to help anyone."

"Yeah. I know." Shepard turned and ran her hand along Garrus' arm. "How long are you going to keep him out?"

"Two days. With all the advanced skin and bone weaves supplied by Cerberus, he will be up mush faster than normal, but we still need to give his face time to knit before he is up and talking."

Shepard squeezed his lax hand. "O.K. I have to get back down to Omega and grab the Scientist the Illusive Man wants. Should be fast but… try not to wake him up til I get back. I want to be here."

"Of course Shepard. Be careful."

"Always am Doc."

00oo00oo00

Omega. Shepard was truly starting to hate the place. It wasn't enough that the Reapers were coming and no one seemed to care, but on Omega they decided to kill off a whole ward with a plague.

She was glad Garrus was still on the ship, because plague that could kill Turian's or not, he would have demanded to come with her. She heaved a frustrated sigh as Miranda pranced past, in her ridiculous skin tight armour. Shepard couldn't wait until she had her wing man back… The Illusive Man's pet got on her nerves.

They came around a corner into a large room, with pits of fire everywhere. Two Vorcha approached clutching flame throwers. "Really? Who thought it was a good idea to give Vorcha flamethrowers!" Shepard rolled out of the way as the two Pyro's sent arcs of flames towards her.

They were incredibly tough to take down, as was the Krogan battle master that joined them. After a gruelling fight that continued through the ward, Shepard was singed, bruised, and thoroughly pissed off. She stormed into the Medical Clinic, barking orders at the clerks, who pointed her in the direction of the Salarian Doctor.

He was standing over a Turian patient, muttering to himself rapidly under his breath as Shepard approached. "Dr. Solus?"

He whirled to face her, a quizzical look on his face. "Human. Curious, don't recognize you from area. To well armed to be refugees. No mercenary uniform. Quarantine still in effect." He headed to a terminal nearby, and never stopped talking. "Here for something else. Vorcha? Crew to clean them out? Unlikely. Vorcha a symptom, not a cause."

Shepard started to say something, but he whirled again and stalked back towards her, still talking. "The plague? Investigating possible use as a bio-weapon? No. Too many guns, not enough data equipment. Soldiers, not scientists. Yes, yes! Hired guns maybe? Looking for someone. Yes! Someone important, valuable. Someone with secrets… Someone like me."

"Relax Mordin. I'm Commander Shepard, and I came here to find you. I am on a critical mission, and I need your help." Shepard finally broke through his frantic chattering to introduce herself. He just blinked at her, his wide luminous eyes steady.

He started typing rapidly on a terminal in front of him, and once again began to speak, barely pausing for breath. Shepard suspected this is how he always was.

"Mission? What Mission? No no no. Too busy. Clinic understaffed. Plague spreading too fast. Who sent you?"

With heroic effort, Shepard resisted the urge to face palm. "Ever heard of an organization called Cerberus?"

There, that finally got his attention. Sort of.

"Crossed paths on occasion. Thought they only worked with Humans. Why request Salarian aid?"

"I'm on a mission to shut down the Collectors, and I need your help." There it was. The bald truth. Miranda hissed behind her at Shepard's bluntness.

"Collectors? Interesting. Plague hitting these slums is engineered. Collectors one of the few groups with technology to design it. Our goals may be similar. But must stop plague first. Already have a cure. Need to distribute it at environmental control center. Vorcha guarding it. Need to kill them."

Mordin looked at her, and Shepard was surprised to see a look she recognized in his eyes. This was a man who had killed before. This was a man who understood the need to do what it takes.

Shepard knew she was heading into a firefight again. With a sigh she said "I'll get in and deal with the Vorcha."

With a screech, the vents all around them stopped working.

"That wasn't a good noise" Jacob said from behind her.

Mordin brought up his omni tool and gave the room a quick scan. "Vorcha have shut down environmental systems. Trying to kill everyone. Need to get power back on before district suffocates." He stepped forward and shoved a little case in Shepards hands.

"Here, take plague cure. One more thing. Daniel. One of my assistants. Went into Vorcha territory looking for victims. Hasn't come back"

 _Of course he hasn't. Why couldn't anything ever by simple._

With a sigh, Shepard headed for the Environmental Center.

00oo00oo00

They were finally back on the Normandy with Professor Solus. It had been a gruelling and exhausting day.

On the way back to the Normandy with the professor they had come across Zaeed Massani, the Mercenary the Illusive Man wanted them to recruit, and brought him along with them.

Zaeed was a gruff, hard old bastard with a massive amount of scarring on his face, and an eye that had been replaced. He cursed constantly and was full of old war stories. Shepard had hit it off with him immediately, much to Joker's dismay.

Shepard chuckled to herself as she stepped out of the shower and started to dry off. She remembered what Joker had said when she went to the bridge to tell him about Mordin and Zaeed.

'Zaeed is like you but he takes checks!' The pilots face had been slightly horrified at the thought of two Shepard's out there, blasting their way through the galaxy and collecting any 'unclaimed credits' as they did so.

She quickly slipped into her fatigues, and headed down to the med bay. Dr. Chakwas said she was ready to bring Garrus out of his drug induced sleep, and Shepard wanted to be the first thing he saw.

She sat on the bed next to Garrus and held his huge, taloned hand in hers. Dr. Chakwas nodded at her, and injected the stimulant into his I.V.

About five minutes passed before Garrus started to stir. He groaned, and Shepard leaned in close to him.

"Hey Garrus, it's Shepard. You were badly hurt and are in a med bay. Just take it easy."

His piercing blue eyes opened and locked onto her green ones. He just stared at her, unblinking.

"Shepard… You're dead."

"Garrus, do you remember us meeting on Omega? You were pinned down by three different merc groups and I helped you get out. You were using the name Archangel."

When she said Archangel, pain and understanding flashed across Garrus's face. His hand tightened on hers, then as he caught sight of Dr. Chakwas standing behind her, he gasped.

"Dr. Chakwas! How? I haven't seen you since…" He pulled his gaze back to Shepard, and there was something in his eyes Shepard couldn't describe.

"Since the Commander's funeral." Chakwas finished.

Shepard's gut seized painfully at the look on both of their faces. The fact that two years had passed for everyone but her kept slapping her in the face, reminding her that she didn't belong anymore.

She wasn't supposed to be here. She was supposed to be dead.

Shepard buried the thought deep, deep inside and took a big breath.

"Garrus… Cerberus found my body and rebuilt me. Joker is here as well, and they built a new Normandy. The SR-2. That's where we are now."

He pushed himself up in the bed, so he was sitting. "Cerberus Shepard? You _do_ remember those sick experiments they were doing?"

"I know Garrus. But human colonies, whole human colonies are being abducted, and no one seems to be doing anything about it…except Cerberus. I don't trust them, and I certainly don't work for them, but I need their resources."

He just stared at her, as though working something out in his mind. "Ok Shepard. I am with you. What do we need to do?"

Tension she didn't know she had been holding fled from her muscles in a rush. Garrus would stay. She would have someone with her she could trust. She would have her friend back.

She didn't realise how hard she was squeezing his hand until he reached over with his free hand and placed in on top of their joined ones. He grinned at her, then swore loudly.

"Ow! Damn!"

Dr. Chakwas tutted and stopped him from reaching up to touch the side of his face. "No Garrus, don't touch it. We are going to put a plaster weave on it for a couple weeks until your scar tissue hardens up a bit."

He lowered his hand, the looked straight at Shepard. "How bad is it Shepard?"

The scar was an angry red, crawling from the base of his neck, across the whole lower portion of his face up to right under his eye. His mandible was damaged and he had been extremely lucky to keep his eye. His clan marking had been entirely burned off on that side of his face.

Shepard knew the last thing he needed or wanted was pity.

"Hell Garrus, you were always ugly. Slap some face-paint on there and no one will even notice."

She nudged him playfully with her elbow as she said it, and was rewarding with the start of a chuckle.

"Ah! Don't make me laugh. It feels like my face is barely holding together as it is!"

Shepard leaned in close to him, and he made a kind of humming noise in his chest as she invaded his personal space. She put her hand on the good side of his face, and turned the scarred side towards her.

"It's gonna be a hell of a scar buddy."

"Some women find facial scars attractive. Mind you, most of those women are Krogan… and it seems you have some new ones yourself"

Shepard laughed. It was a true happy laugh.

Garrus was here, and he was going to be ok. They were a patched up team of misfits, and god only knew who else the Illusive man was going to add into the mix; but with Garrus here, Shepard felt grounded.

She leaned back against she pillows next to him as Dr. Chakwas started to add a protective plaster to the side of his face, listening as she filled him in on how she and Joker had ended up with Cerberus.

Garrus kept his hand in hers, linking their mismatched fingers together. She knew something had happened to Garrus while she was …away. He was different, harder.

They would have to hash it out soon, but for now she just leaned against his warmth and basked in the fact that he was there, ready to head into hell with her once again.


	20. Chapter 20

**Authors Note:** To Everyone who has been sticking with me and reading my story, you have no idea what it means to me. To those of you who are reviewing (especially Vorcha Girl, my regular reviewer) you really keep me going. It's one thing to see that over 1200 people have read this (holy moly 1200!) but entirely another to be able to hear what someone thinks of it.

So to all my fans (oh man, fans! *squeals girlishly*) Thank you.

And as always, Ka'Dira Ezra you rock!

Chapter Twenty

 **Kaidan**

 **March 2185**

Kaidan woke slowly. The sunlight flitted through the blinds on his window, painting a dappled picture on the wall above his bed. He lay for a moment listening to the silence, then sighed and swung his legs over the bed.

He padded into the small washroom of his housing unit on Horizon to start the shower. He had been on spaceships for so long, other than trips to his family's place on Earth he hadn't spent very much time living on the ground in the last few years. It was weird to have actual sunlight in the morning and hot showers whenever he wanted.

As he stepped into the shower he reflected on the last four weeks. Anderson had sent him here to help set up defenses on the colony, but also to keep his ear to the ground about attacks…and Shepard. The colonists were definitely spooked about the rumors of abductions, but that hadn't made his job any easier.

The colonists were extremely wary of the Alliance, Anderson hadn't been exaggerating about that; other than a few members of the colony, people had been rude and hostile towards him.

The exception was Lilith. She was an engineer on the Colony, and was in charge of all communications. She tended to seek Kaidan out and make sure he had everything he needed, and she was a good buffer between him and some of the more outspoken colonists.

She insisted it would just take time, but Horizon would eventually trust in the Alliance again. When Kaidan had first arrived, Lilith had told him a little about why the colonist's had such a resentment for the Alliance. Over eight years ago, when the Colony had gotten its first wave of settlers, there had been several incidents with pirates.

Basically as the Colony had been settled on the edge of the Terminus systems, the Alliance had told the colonist that they didn't have enough resources to help them, and they were on their own.

The colonists had eventually driven the Pirates off, but the loss of supplies and the few deaths resulting in dealing with the pirates without help was still remembered vividly, and Kaidan was viewed with hostility and suspicion as a result.

It had been years since there was a consistent Alliance presence in the outer rim colonies. When everything was happening with Saren and the Geth, a lot of smaller colonies like Horizon were left out of the loop. This led to more resentment, as the colonies felt the had been left out of the communications regarding the geth on purpose.

Kaidan slipped into his hard suit, and strapped his pistol and assault rifle on. Lilith always eyed the guns with distaste but Kaidan knew better than to be unarmed, especially when he had no idea how the colonists were going missing.

He headed out towards the Southeast tower. They were still having trouble getting the towers to stay online without disrupting the comm systems, and he was going to be working with another tech and three engineers today to see if they could figure out were the problem was.

He swung by Lilith's unit to see if she wanted to walk out with him. She called out for him to come in, and grab a cup of coffee while she finished getting ready. As Kaidan stepped into the unit he was struck by how homey it was.

Lilith had put up bright cheerful curtains and added little touches like photographs and knick-knacks throughout her space. He stepped close to a little shelf she had put up, where several photographs were proudly displayed. In one, Lilith stood next to an older man, who had his arm around her shoulder. _Her father perhaps?_

In the main living area she had added bright turquoise and yellow throw pillows to the sofa and chair, and there were more photographs on the walls and what looked like a hand knitted throw tossed across the back of the couch.

Kaidan thought of the stark grey walls in his unit. There was nothing in it to make it homey. The furniture was the standard issue, plastic and grey all colonists were supplied. He had a few changes of clothes and no personal effects except one.

He had a photo of himself and Shepard, in the nightstand next to his bed. Tali had taken it after the battle of the Citadel, without he or Shepard knowing. She had sent it to him with a note after the funeral.

In the photo, he and Jane were standing slightly apart from a group of crewmates, looking towards where Tali must have been standing.

He was leaning back, resting his hips on the rail behind him, and Jane was standing close by his side. He was turned towards her, a grin on his face, while she faced towards Tali laughing. Her hand was resting on his on the rail.

It was the only photo he had of her, and he had almost packed it away several times over the last six months. But he hadn't ever been able to do it.

Lilith came out of the washroom and pulled a couple to-go mugs from a cupboard, filling them with coffee.

"O.K Commander, let's see if we can't figure out why your towers and my comm system can't play nice."

Lilith led the way, and they headed for the southeast tower, chatting back and forth about short range frequencies and incompatible radio signals.

 **Shepard**

 **March 2185**

Shepard stared at the giant Krogan in a tank in the Port Cargo hold. The day had been a complete shit storm. She thought it had been bad when she had gone to recruit Jack a few weeks ago, and the warden of the prison ship, Purgatory tried to take Shepard prisoner.

It hadn't ended well.

Jack had broken out and basically destroyed anyone and anything in her path. She was a petite girl, covered in intricate tattoo's who had the foulest mouth of anyone Shepard had ever met, including Zaeed.

She was also the strongest biotic Shepard had ever come across, stronger even than Kaidan, and that was saying something. After abandoning the prison ship and bring Jack on board as a member of the ground team, Shepard thought meeting with a Krogan Scientist would be a cake walk.

She had been dead wrong.

Okeer had been a complete looney, and had been breeding Krogans, trying to create the perfect 'legacy'.

Said 'legacy' was in the tank in front of her. Shepard, Garrus and Jack hadn't even really been surprised when the mission turned out to be much more than it seemed. Every mission or recruitment they had gone on had turned out to be…an adventure.

This time, Okeer had been working with a Blue Suns Commander named Jedore. She was a psychotic bitch, and had been extremely hard to take down. Once she discovered that Okeer was planning on hightailing it out of there with Shepard, she had shut down life support to the project Krogans Okeer was breeding.

He had sacrificed himself to save the Krogan in the tank now on the Normandy.

Shepard eyed the tank thoughtfully. Miranda had been adamant about not releasing it from the tank, she was worried it was going to be unstable and dangerous. Jacob had thought it would be a powerful asset.

She assessed the tank bred Krogan in front of her. _How in the hell did Okeer get full armour on him anyway?_ She shrugged and went back to her musings.

Both made good points. The rest of the team had been fairly indifferent, except Garrus who had just said 'Remember Wrex?' and grinned at her. Shepard squared her shoulders and decided to risk it. She checked the pistol tucked into the back of her pants. Just because she decided to open the tank, didn't mean she would be un-prepared.

But a 'perfect' Krogan was too good to pass up.

"O.K. EDI. How are we looking?"

"The subject is stable, Shepard. Integration with on-board systems was seamless."

Shepard took a deep breath and squared her shoulders.

"Stand by. I am going to open the tank and let him out. I want you to lock the door and only open it if he is in danger of actually killing me or I tell you it is ok to open."

"Cerberus protocol is very clear regarding untested alien technology!" EDI almost sounded…worried.

Shepard shrugged. "He is either a powerful addition to the crew, or a time bomb. I'd rather deal with it now."

"Very well Shepard. The controls are online. The switch, and consequences, are yours."

Shepard stepped up to the tank, and powered it on. The water drained from it in a whoosh, and as the glass raised, the Krogan slumped forward onto his knees coughing up gouts of water. Shepard started towards him, then stopped just as he started to stand.

She backed away slowly. He was bigger than Wrex had been, he had to be almost 7 feet. His head rose slowly until his eyes were locked onto hers. Shepard had just enough time to notice that they were the palest shade of blue, like the ice on a Glacier before he moved.

With a roar he charged her, bowling her back and slamming her into the side of the cargo hold. He had one huge arm barred across her chest and throat, immobilising most of her. Her hands were free though, and she made good use of them while they were out of his sight.

He leaned close and sniffed her.

"Human. Female. Before you die, I need a name."

Shepard kept her gaze steady, and ignored the part of her brain peeking out from behind a rock, screeching at her to shot him and run for cover.

"I'm Commander Shepard. And I don't take threats lightly, so I suggest you relax."

The Krogan tilted his head at her curiously, as though he didn't know quite what to make of her.

"Not your name. Mine. I'm trained, I know things but the tank… Okeer couldn't implant connection. His words are hollow. Warlord. Legacy. Grunt. Hmm. Grunt. Grunt was among the last, it has no meaning. It will do."

Shepard was doing her level best to stay calm, and not be to threatening. It was rather hard as she was dangling over a foot off the ground with a Krogan forearm across her neck.

He leaned in close to her again. "I am Grunt. If you are worthy of your command, prove your strength and try to destroy me."

 _What the hell? He's been out of that tank for three minutes and he wants me to try and kill him?_

"You wouldn't prefer Okeer, or Legacy?" She croaked.

"It's short. Matches the training in my blood. The other words are big things I don't feel. They fit your mouth better. I feel nothing for Okeer's clan or his enemies. I will do what I am bred to do. Fight and determine the strongest. But his imprint has failed. Without a reason that's mine, one fight is as good as any other. Might as well start with you."

Shepard knew she would have to show him that she was worthy. Okeer had filled his head with hundreds of years of Krogan battles and Wars. He would only respect someone with true leadership, or as Krogan say 'a quad'.

"I have a good ship and a strong crew. A strong Clan. You'd make it stronger." She resisted the urge to grab as his arm and leverage some of the pressure off of her throat, mostly because she hated croaking her answers at him.

He eyed her appraisingly. "If you are weak and choose weak enemies, I'll have to kill you."

"Our enemies are worthy, no doubt about that."

His face was inches away, His skin pink where his armoured plates had yet to grow over it. "Hmm. That's…acceptable. I will fight for you."

Shepard put more pressure on the gun she had pressed against a weak point in his armour so he would finally notice it. "I'm glad you saw reason."

With a grunt, Grunt looked down and saw the gun pressed into his abdomen. Then with a laugh he released her and stepped back.

"Offer one hand and arm the other. Wise, Shepard. If I find a Clan, if I find what I… want. I will be honoured to eventually pit them against you."

With that, the newest member of her team turned and went off to investigate the Cargo Hold he would now be staying in.

Shepard massaged her neck, and told EDI to open the door. A furious looking Garrus was on the other side.

"What the hell Shepard! He could have crushed you. Why would you not have one of us in there with you?" His mandibles were fluttering with emotion.

"Jeez Garrus it's fine." Shepard rolled her eyes at him.

He stepped towards her, towering above her. He extended one taloned finger to point at her throat, which was red and bruised. "Fine?"

"Umm, ok well yeah, he got a hold of me…but I talked him down. We are all good now. He picked out a name, told me he would be honored to try and kill me someday…but not today! It's a win buddy."

Shepard couldn't understand why he was so upset. They had been in much worse scenario's than this, and she had been hurt far, far worse.

Garrus sighed. "Ok Shepard. Fine. But please try not to risk yourself so needlessly. You _do_ remember there's a galaxy out there that is waiting for you to save it?"

She reached out and patted his arm. "Of course I do Garrus, of course I do."

They hopped on the lift and he got off to work on the main guns, while she went up to the CIC.

"Commander, you have a new message at your private terminal."

Shepard tried not to cringe. Kelly Chambers was the yeoman Cerberus had provided. She was also a shrink. Shepard didn't particularly like or trust her, no one was that happy _all_ the time.

"Thanks Kelly."

She brought up the message and her guts felt like they turned to ice. It was from Anderson.

He wanted her to come to the Citadel and meet with him. He had heard rumors that she was alive.

Shit.

The thought of going to the Citadel made Shepard nervous. She knew she was fine, that she was really her. After the first couple of meltdowns Dr. Chakwas had cornered Miranda and then they had both gone through Shepard's medical records together. She really had died, and they really had brought her back.

But it was a lot to ask others to believe just based on her word. She and Anderson had been through so much together. He was like a favorite uncle.

It would crush her if he spurned her now.

Either way, it had to be done. They needed some new supplies, and there was no way in hell she was going back to Omega unless she had to. She headed to the Bridge to tell Joker to set course for the Citadel.

00oo00oo00

The Citadel was just a big as she remembered, but that as about the only thing that seemed the same. Over the past two years, there had been enormous changes made to the structure and location of paces all over the Citadel. _I guess when they rebuilt after the battle of the Citadel they decided the give the architects a challenge._

There were massive towers dominating the skyline and there were still places that were closed off and inaccessible after the battle of the Citadel. The Council meetings were in a different place altogether, as most of Sovereign had landed in the old chambers.

If you wanted to get anywhere now, you were stuck to the main Zakera wards, or having to hire a sky car to get you around. It was a very different place, and she hoped that when the improvements and repairs were finished, it would return to the more open atmosphere she had been used to.

She, Garrus and Mordin headed into C-sec to get clearance to go up to the embassies. There was a lot more security than there used to be, and a frazzled looking Turian was guarding the door onto the ward.

As she was scanned, there was a loud buzz. The Turian guard eyed her, then scanned her again with the same result.

He radioed someone on the other side of the door, and started having a hushed conversation with them.

He turned to Shepard. "Sorry for the inconvenience Ma'am. Our scanners are picking up false readings. They seem to think you're uh…dead."

Garrus started snickering behind her, and she shot him a dirty look over her shoulder.

"I was listed as Missing in Action a couple years ago."

The guard rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "Would you mind checking in with my Captain? He can reinstate you in our system."

"Sure, no problem"

They passed through the door, and met with Captain Bailey, a blonde, blue eyed human man.

"I see the problem already Commander Shepard. My console says you're dead."

She grinned roguishly at him. "You're not worried I'm some imposter pretending to be me?"

He snorted. Actually snorted at her. "We have the best screening equipment in the Galaxy. Those scanners can sample DNA from skin flakes. Hell, if you have unregistered gene mods, they can even figure those out."

 _Huh, well I guess there's no getting around everyone knowing I'm alive again now. I need to get in touch with Kaidan before this hits the news. He will be really hurt if he doesn't hear this from me._

Shepard resolved to start messaging him as soon as she was back on the ship.

Bailey got her re-registered as alive, and she thanked him and headed off to meet Anderson.

She swallowed down her nerves and opened the councilman's door. He whirled, a grin splitting his face.

"Shepard! Welcome back to the ranks of the living. I wasn't sure you got my message."

She stepped forward and shook his hand, keeping the swirling fears, doubts and excitement locked away.

"It's been a long time Councillor."

Anderson just eyed her, then looked past her to Garrus and Mordin.

"Vakarian. You dropped off the map. I see you've been keeping…busy." He trailed off as he saw the heavy scarring on Garrus' face.

"Councillor Anderson." Garrus nodded politely, refusing to give anything else away.

Mordin jumped into the conversation. "Hmm, Captain Anderson. First Human member of Council. Decorated soldier. Considered War Hero. Yes, yes. Close relationship with Commander Shepard. Pleased to meet you, sir."

Anderson looked taken aback at the rush of words that had just assaulted him. He shook Mordin's hand, then looked questioningly at Shepard.

"This is Dr. Mordin Solus Sir. He used to be with STG, and now Mordin is a valued member of my crew."

He looked at their outfits, noticing the black and yellow Cerberus logo's. "So, it is true. You are with Cerberus. There's been a lot of talk since you came back, and frankly, some of it has been a little disturbing. I wanted to give you a chance to explain your actions. Maybe get the Council to things from your perspective. We are going to meet with them shortly."

"Yes sir."

Shepard was furious with herself. Everything was so stilted and awkward. All the closeness and comradery they had built over the years seemed gone. She couldn't seem to get out of her head and really talk to him. Before she had the chance to suck it up and take the first step towards a normal conversation, the council pinged him for a meeting.

He greeted them and then they were off, acting every bit as condescending and superior as always. After ten minutes of being told the Reapers were a lie, and she was basically a crazy has-been, Shepard was grinding her teeth in fury.

The only good thing to come out of the whole Council meeting was the fact that her Spectre status was officially re-instated.

Anderson sighed and rubbed a hand across his face as the Council disappeared. "You do realise the Council offer of help is symbolic. They wont actually do anything."

"Why burn bridges?" Shepard shrugged.

They stood and looked at each other, the words they both wanted to say, but couldn't figure out how, making the air in the room feel heavy.

"Look Shepard… Jane. Don't worry about the Council or the Alliance. I will find a way to keep them both off your back. Try and keep to the Terminus Systems."

She nodded, then swallowed the lump in her throat and spoke past it, a little hoarsely. "David. I'm sorry it took me so long to get here. To come and talk to you. This thing with Cerberus… It doesn't seem real. I was dead. Actually dead, and they figured out how to bring me back. It all sounds so ridiculous, I didn't think you'd believe it."

He just looked at her, the face she knew so well calm and assessing. "Jane, I knew you were…well you, the minute you walked in here. No clone or A.I could trick me."

He reached out an grasped her shoulder tightly, and the swirling emotions finally broke free of her leash. A lone tear trailed down her cheek, and she moved in and hugged him.

Anderson was there for her. Anderson believed. He knew the Reapers were real, he knew she was real and that Cerberus was just a means to an end. He had her back, like he had so many times before.

She stepped out of the hug and gave him a watery grin. "God David, you have no idea how good it makes me feel to know you're on my side."

She was about to ask him about Kaidan when the office door opened with a whoosh and Udina stepped in.

"Anderson, we need to talk about – Shepard! What are you doing here?"

Shepard had a brief moment to enjoy the flabbergasted look on Udina's face before his usual sneer was in place. _Good to know not everything changed in the last two years._

She crossed her arms under her breasts. "I stopped by to see how Anderson is doing." She refused to get David in hot water, but he didn't have the same qualms.

"You don't have to cover for me! I invited Shepard here to speak with the Council. We just finished our meeting."

Pure rage and fury flashed across Udina's face before he spat "You what? Councillor, do the words political shit-storm mean anything to you?"

Udina was pissed. His knuckles were clenched and the look he shot Shepard and Anderson was of pure hatred.

"The Council re-instated my Spectre status. They're just happy I'm staying out in the Terminus Systems."

The rage was quickly replaced by cold calculation. Say what you would about Udina, he was a politician through and though.

"Yes…I can see how that arrangement works best for both sides." He swung his gaze back to Anderson, and spoke to him in a patronizing tone. "But you really shouldn't have taken a step like this without consulting with me first, Councillor."

"I don't answer to you Udina! Why don't you go to your office and think about that for a while?"

 _Oh Snap! Anderson shut Udina down cold_. Mordin was looking rapidly between the two men, and Garrus gave a small cough and studied the ceiling above them.

The sneer was back, stronger than ever. "Of course, Councillor. Good day to both of you"

He whirled, and stalked from the office.

Anderson explained about Udina needing to be taken down a peg sometimes, but he had his uses. He opened up to Shepard that he missed his days in the Alliance, and having more of a desk job was hard. He felt like he was just beating his head against a wall most days.

Shepard could sympathise, given what had just happened with the Council.

She told him about Cerberus. She told him everything she knew about the Illusive Man, the organization, all of it. She even slipped him a data disc with all the files regarding her resurrection Chakwas had managed to get past Miranda. She made it very clear she was not with them, but using them for their resources to stop the threat of the Collectors.

She offered him a spot on the ship, and he smiled but turned her down. Said he was 'to old to go racing across the galaxy'.

The chatted back and forth, Anderson filling Shepard in on what had happened over the last two years with himself and the Alliance. She couldn't resist anymore. She had to ask him about Kaidan.

The Illusive Man had told her that Kaidan was still with the Alliance, and that his file was well classified, but that was all. She knew Anderson would be able to tell he where he was, how to get in touch with him.

"What happened to Kaidan Alenko after the Normandy went down?" Her heart was beating fast, and Garrus moved closer to her until he was standing by her side.

Anderson looked away from her, gazing out over the arm of the Citadel. "Staff Commander Alenko is still with the Alliance, but he's working on a special mission. It's classified. I can't say anymore. Not while you're with Cerberus."

Shepard was stunned. She had just told Anderson about Cerberus. He knew she wasn't with them. He knew she and Kaidan had been more than crew mates.

 _He doesn't trust me._

She felt like he had thrust a knife in her stomach. "David…"

He looked at her now, his face a cold mask. "There's nothing more I can tell you Shepard. I'm sorry."

The knife twisted, sending a rippling pain through her body, and heart.

She forced the words out over cold, numb lips. "After everything…everything I have done for the Alliance, for the galaxy, for you. You wont even tell me how to get in touch with him? David, he thinks I'm dead. DEAD!"

"It's classified Jane, If I could-"

"YOU WONT!" She roared.

Garrus stepped close and put a hand on her arm while he whispered "We will find another way Shepard. Let's go."

She shrugged him off furiously. Her body seethed with betrayal, pain, and fury.

She snapped to attention and fired a salute at Anderson. "Good day, Councillor."

She spun on her heel, and marched straight backed out of the room, ignoring his calls for her to stop, to not leave like this.

Ignoring the feeling that the only family she had left had just proved he wasn't her family at all.


	21. Chapter 21

Authors Note: Ok guys, here we go! Shepard and Kaidan are finally meeting again, after 2 years. I worked really hard to get the emotions right, so if you have any feedback on how this went down, I would love to hear from you!

Enjoy, and Ka'Dira Ezra, thank you for pushing me to go deeper, it really made the emotions come through the way I wanted.

This one is for Laura. Who's excitement after each chapter really keeps me going.

Enjoy!

Chapter Twenty-One

 **Shepard**

 **April 2185**

Shepard was focused entirely on the simulation she was currently in. Last week she had made Joker spend three days scanning every planet they came across for resources, then she had cashed a bunch of them in to upgrade the med bay, buy a thanix canon, increase the Normandy's armour, and get more scanning probes.

Then she strong-armed Miranda into letting her get a high tech combat simulator. You could practice with guns, terrain, and the all the other good stuff, but what Shepard had really needed and was enjoying thoroughly, was the hand to hand simulator.

She could put on a light body suit that created resistance when her holo opponent was sparring with her, allowing her to grapple and get into life like scenarios where the only way to stay alive, was to beat the ever loving crap out of the opponent. It had been marvelous, and worth every penny to be able to work off her tension sparring, without damaging her actual team members.

She had grappled once with Jacob after they left the Citadel, and now everyone on the crew refused to spar with her, including Garrus. It had only been a broken collarbone…and arm…and four ribs, but still. _Bunch of babies._

There had been a gnawing rage in her guts for the last three weeks. Joker, Dr. Chakwas, and even Garrus had tried to get her to talk about what happened with Anderson. She knew Garrus had told Joker, but she refused to speak of it.

A holo merc burst from behind a wall and tried to tackle her down. She threw her shoulder into his midriff and flung him over her back with a roar, kicking him savagely in the ribs once he hit the dirt.

She had been working with EDI to try and get a letter to Kaidan, but so far she hadn't heard anything back, and EDI couldn't confirm if they had even been received. She ended the simulation with a frustrated jab of her thumb. She just couldn't get the letters out of her mind. They had tried everything; his old Alliance number. His parents place in Vancouver. Hell, she had even tried to direct one through Hackett, with EDI disguising it of course.

Nothing.

She stripped off the combat suit and sat heavily on a bench, her head lowered into her hands. It had taken her a week to figure out what the letter should say, and now she couldn't even make sure he got it.

 _Kaidan,_

 _I know this seems crazy, but I'm back. Two years ago I was found by Cerberus, but I didn't wake up until two months ago. I've tried everything to get in touch with you, but Anderson stonewalled me._

 _I miss you so much. I need to see you, to talk to you._

 _There's so much I need to say._

 _Jane_

She hadn't been able to put everything she wanted to say in the letter, as the extranet wasn't exactly reliable or even very secure, and without knowing exactly where he was she couldn't have it heavily encrypted. She hoped it said enough.

She pushed herself off the bench and headed for her quarters. Having a hot shower, and then heading to the mess for some grub would hopefully take the rest of the edge off.

00oo00oo00

Miranda Lawson sat at her desk and looked at the letter in front of her. It was the sixth one Shepard had tried to send to Kaidan Alenko, and despite herself, Miranda was impressed at the Commanders ingenuity in getting the AI to help her.

It didn't mean much however, when a direct order from the Illusive Man countermanded any order from the Commander when it came to EDI. Once Miranda had informed him of Shepard's attempt to contact her old lover, he had immediately told EDI to allow the Commander to send them, but to have them end up with Miranda.

The AI had no choice but to obey.

It wouldn't do to have Shepard distracted by her old Alliance ties when Cerberus needed her fully committed to them, and the journey through the Omega 4 relay. It had been a stroke of pure luck that Anderson had sabotaged their relationship on is own. The old soldiers distrust of Cerberus had blinded him to the fact that Shepard would have left Cerberus in a heart beat if he had said the word. But he hadn't, and now the Commander had no one else to turn to. Cerberus was the only option left.

The Australian beauty studied the letter in front of her, and struggled to understand why Shepard was so torn up over this 'Alenko'. Yes, his file showed he had a lot of potential and was an extremely powerful biotic but he was still just a soldier, no matter his good looks.

Other than her sister, for whom Miranda had strong protective urges, she had never really held an affection for another person. The Illusive Man needed her to be cold, sharp, and ruthless, so she was.

She was his right hand, and had no intention of becoming otherwise.

00oo00oo00

As Shepard stepped from the shower and slipped on her fatigues, Joker's voice came over the comm system.

"Commander, the Illusive Man is requesting an urgent meeting. He is waiting in the briefing room."

She allowed herself the briefest moment of irritation, then shrugged it off and headed off to see what he wanted.

As the holo scanned her and she was projected into the Illusive Man's office, she couldn't help but wonder where his ship was located. He was always in the same spot, in front of a dying star, but where?

The thought was pushed abruptly out of her mind at his words.

"Shepard. I think we have them. Horizon, one of our colonies in the Terminus system went silent. If it isn't under attack, it soon will be. Has Mordin delivered the counter measure for the seeker swarms?"

"Not yet."

"Let's hope he works well under pressure."

 _No shit Sherlock._ This was fast. They were only a couple of hours out from Horizon, Joker would need to get them there fast and silent. She was about to dismiss herself to get the course changed when the Illusive Man held up a hand to stop her.

His face was shuttered, and he took a long pull off the ever present cigarette in his hand.

"There's something else you should know. One of your former crew, Kaidan Alenko is stationed on Horizon."

Fear. It flowed like ice water through her veins. Flashes of Kaidan being gunned down, or frozen while he was hauled away by the Collectors burned through her mind. It took everything she had to hold herself together and ask for more information.

"Last I knew Kaidan was Alliance. Why is he out in the Terminus Systems?"

She tampered down her panic, focusing on keeping her breathing smooth and calm as he took another drag before replying.

"Officially, it's an outreach program to approve Alliance relations with the Colonies. But they're up to something. If they sent Commander Alenko it must be big. I suggest you take it up with him."

 _How in the hell did he go from saying he knew nothing about Kaidan, to knowing that he is high enough in the Alliance that being stationed on Horizon was some kind of big deal? The son of a bitch has been lying to me._

Her voice was filled with heavy sarcasm when she replied. "The Collectors just happened to pick a Colony with one of my former crew? I don't buy it."

The gnawing fear was joined by rage. The same cold kind of rage she had felt when she had had to choose between Kaidan and Ash on Virmire. The same rage that stole her emotions and left her a precision killing machine.

"It shouldn't be a surprise the Collectors are interested in you, especially if they are working with the Reapers. They might be going after him to get to you."

It was a chilling thought, and she hated him for voicing it out loud. The idea that they would target Kaidan because of her was terrifying.

"We should send a message to the Citadel. The Alliance can give us reinforcements."

He shook his head. "Not until you investigate. I don't want the Alliance getting in the way. Once you've got the situation under control, I'll sent the message personally."

"Send me the coordinates. We'll head straight there."

"This is the most warning we've ever had Shepard. Good Luck."

She nodded and strode out of the room. She went straight to the bridge to tell Joker to get to Horizon. After she gave him the coordinates, he reached out and grabbed her arm before she could stride away.

"Shepard… EDI left the comm open, I heard what the Illusive Asshole said. Kaidan will be ok. He was with us with Saren… he knows what's out there, and he knows what he's doing."

She stood, stock still. "Whole Human colonies vanishing without a trace, and the Reapers are targeting Horizon because he used to be with me… how is that ok?"

She shrugged off is hand, and headed for the lab to talk to Mordin.

Thankfully, he was practically bouncing with excitement. He had finally broken through and figured out how to rig their suits so they repelled the seeker swarms. She clamped a hand on his shoulder, unable to say with words how relieved she was.

They were as ready as they were going to be.

00oo00oo00

 **Kaidan**

 **April 2185**

Kaidan met up with Lilith, and they once again headed out to the defense towers to see if they could get them back on line. They still hadn't managed to work out all the bugs with the comm systems, so they were still periodically crashing.

The systems had been up and working all week though, so he had managed to get a report sent to Anderson. He had also asked for any updates on Shepard. Again. He hadn't heard anything back, but the last message from Anderson was two weeks ago, and he had said they needed to talk, and that he had new info.

The waiting was killing Kaidan. He couldn't get the thought that she was out there, flying around the galaxy pushed from his mind. If it really was her, why hadn't she gotten in touch with him. He knew she would go to Anderson, who knew exactly where he was and how to reach him.

It tore him up inside to think that she had been with Cerberus for the last two years, and now wanted nothing to do with him. He had gone back over the night before Ilos again and again. Combing through the memory for anything that might show that she didn't feel the same about him as he felt for her.

He pushed the thought from his mind and focused on what Lilith was saying. She was looking up at the sky.

"What is that?"

He followed her gaze up the sky where a strange cloud cluster was forming above them. A group of other colonists stopped behind them and looked up as well.

Dread settled in Kaidan's stomach, and he reached behind him for his assault rifle. Through the scope he could see the nose of a massive ship, which was releasing small clouds of what looked like dense, dark smoke. Flashes like lightning started cracking all along its hull, and Kaidan realised the clouds were swarms of some kind of insect.

He looked at Lilith. "Get everyone to the safe house."

She was frozen with horror; everyone could see the massive ship descending upon them now.

"I'll cover you, run!" He yelled at her, sending a rapid blast of gun fire at the rapidly approaching swarm. The colonist scattered in a panic at the sound of the gun, starting to scream and crash into each other in the frantic bid to escape.

The shots made no impact. Lilith was still beside him. "Hurry!" He shouted, grabbing her arm and propelling her towards the safe house, while he kept his eyes on the closet swarm and kept peppering it with shots.

With a cry, Lilith tripped and went down, sprawling on the ground behind him.

Kaidan spun, and as he reached down to help her with his free hand, there was a sting on his neck. He slapped his hand to the wound and was horrified to discover a fist sized insect clinging to the skin of his neck, stinging him.

He crushed it and flung it away in disgust, moving again towards Lilith who was batting them away from herself frantically. He managed one step before a curious feeling of cold spread throughout his body. It felt like it was happening in slow motion. His legs stopped moving, then his arms. He looked towards Lilith, who had started to run but he couldn't get command of his body in order to follow her.

He was completely frozen. He put everything he had into trying to move his arm, trying to reach his pistol. He tried to flare his biotics, again and again and again. His ability to move was completely gone. He was paralyzed.

He panicked. His mind went wild, he was howling, screaming with fear and rage, but his face and mouth were still. His agonized screams resounded in his own mind endlessly. Again and again he flared his biotics, trying to counteract whatever the bug had done to him. The port on the back of his skull got hot, and still nothing changed. He could still see, and all around him others were suffering the same fate. Lilith had disappeared, hopefully making it to the safe house. He began to hear noises, creepy clickings and chattering.

All he could do was wait, motionless, as strange looking aliens rounded the corners and starting motioning to the Colonists frozen throughout the complex, strange floating pods levitating along behind them.

00oo00oo00

 **Shepard**

Shepard, Garrus and Mordin stepped cautiously off the shuttle and onto Horizon. The seeker swarms were in little clusters all around, but whatever Mordin had come up with was working. The insects stayed well away from them.

All Shepard wanted to do was run through the colony, searching until she found Kaidan, but they were too late. The collectors had beaten them there.

Garrus moved up next to her. "Shepard? Are you ok? Do you want me to take point?"

She pushed the thoughts of Kaidan bleeding out on the grass to the back of her mind.

"I'm fine. Watch my six."

She shut everything down, like a series of switches, until her emotions were buried deep under years of training. Her focus became laser sharp, and she moved quickly and efficiently forward.

They came into a small clearing with tables and containers all around. It looked as though people had just been sitting down to have lunch, but there was no one to be seen. She had just moved past one of the large containers when a hum sounded by her ear.

A bullet slammed into her shields just as Garrus yelled "Shepard!"

Collectors swarmed into the clearing, flying in and landing all around them. Mordin launched a grenade at them and sent several of them flying. Garrus took them out with perfect headshots, and Shepard kept peppering up the rest with her assault rifle.

Once they were dealt with, Shepard was moving again immediately. The hoofed it up a hill and into another part of the complex, and they were now in among some of the housing units. Her earpiece was filled with harsh static, and Joker's voice kept coming through in disjointed snatches.

"The seeker swarms must be disrupting the communications with the Normandy." Mordin noted.

"Then we are on our own." Shepard's voice was cold.

They took out another wave of Collectors, and then there was a wave of husks. A fresh wave of horror assaulted Shepard.

Husks. Her mind was momentarily bombarded with the sickening images of the colonist's on Eden Prime suspending high in the air on Dragon's Teeth spikes. Then it was Kaidan impaled on the spike, his mouth wide in a silent scream, his eyes gone blank and empty… Just like Lily's eyes after she had been gunned down on Mindoir.

A hand clamping on her shoulder startled her back into awareness. Garrus' furious blue eyes met her tormented green ones.

"Spirits Shepard, are you trying to get yourself killed! I get it ok. I'm worried about Kaidan too, but you have to keep it together. I- _we_ need you to to get your head back in the damn game." He gave her a little shake.

She kept her eyes locked on his. The fury in his eyes gave way to worry, and he hummed deep in his chest. After a few deep breaths she got herself under control.

She understood now, even more so than when the Normandy was getting torn apart around them, about the regulations against fraternization. Even with all her training, the years of being able to push her emotions aside and stay calm and cold during her missions, the idea that he was just out of reach, and she wouldn't be able to save him in time kept leaping to the forefront of her thoughts.

Commander Shepard, feared alliance soldier and hero of the Citadel had one weakness, and he didn't even have to be with her in order to take her down.

Garrus' hand was still on her shoulder, and he was humming a low sort of croon. She didn't think he was aware he was doing it. He had seemed to be doing it more often recently, either that or she had just never noticed when he had served with her on the first Normandy. She reached up and patted his hand.

"I'm sorry Garrus. I can't stop seeing him. Dead, as a husk, hauled away in a pod. I'll try to lock it away, I promise. I've got my head in the game."

He held her gaze for a moment more, then released her shoulder as Mordin came up to them excitedly.

"Commander! Look at this."

He led them over to where a husk was on the ground, then bent down to examine it. "Hmm. Husks have Human characteristics. Possibly repurposed colonists?"

"No. On Eden Prime the colonists were turned into husks by impaling them on spikes. We haven't seen any. The Collectors must have brought the husks. They are taking the colonists alive for something else." Garrus made the observations quietly, a strange look on his face as he studied the mangled corpse of what used to be a human.

"The Collectors must be experimenting on the colonists. What are they up to?" Shepard's voice was almost a whisper as she voiced the question. Then it hardened, and her Commander mask came down firmly in place on her face. "The Collectors aren't getting any more victims. Let's move out."

She once again took point, but this time she slammed the walls inside her mind up so firmly that she was once again a cold, efficient machine. They went through the sprawling complex, taking out all the enemies they encounter with ruthless expedience.

Garrus and Mordin chattered back and forth, and Shepard was cognizant of their conversation on the fringe of her awareness. The empty complex was unnerving Garrus, seeing home after home sitting empty, as though its occupants had just stepped away momentarily. Shepard kept herself focused entirely on the actual Collectors. She couldn't afford to start looking around and see the ruin of the lives in front of her. Not when Garrus and Mordin needed her to be fully focused on the mission, and not Kaidan.

The had pushed on for roughly 15 minutes when Shepard spotted the first colonist. "Garrus, hang back and cover us. Mordin, with me."

Shepard and Mordin moved towards the colonist. It was a man, and was was poised as though to run up the staircase in front of them. He was completely still.

Mordin moved close to him and ran a scan over him with his omni tool. "Victim appears conscious. Fully aware. Trapped in stasis field. Fascinating."

 _Oh my god. They knew…they knew exactly what was happening to them the whole time_. Bile rose in Shepard's throat, and she forced it back down. A quick look exchanged with Mordin confirmed what Shepard already knew. They could do nothing for them, but stop the collectors from loading them onto the ship.

She radioed Garrus and they all moved out. They passed more and more frozen colonists, and Shepard began to feel something new. Hope. There were still colonists here. Frozen but alive. They would be able to save at least some of them. _There is still hope._

As they moved into another clearing, a wave of Collectors flew in. She dove for cover, and had just peeked her head around to line up a shot when the Collector closest to her rose above the ground, as though levitating.

"Shepard, watch out!" Garrus voice crackled in her ear.

The levitating Collector's arms and legs were held out from its body, and a crackling gold light began to appear all over its body. It looked as though it was going to explode, but instead it dropped to the ground and started to advance on her position.

"Assuming control. Do not resist." It boomed.

It's shield strength was immense, and after a few shots that did absolutely no damage, Shepard scrambled backwards, trying to put more distance between herself and the possessed Collector.

She was only feet away from cover when it sent a biotic attack at her that ripped through her shields with brutal force, slamming her into the ground.

"Focus on Shepard" it boomed in its terrible voice.

Before she could get to cover behind the crate, she was peppered with shots as the other Collectors in the compound focused their fire on her. She rolled as quickly as she could, and she heard Mordin yelling "Commander!" but she still took a shot in the shoulder.

She gritted her teeth and sent the command to her suit to pump her with medi gel, then she popped out of cover and emptied her assault rifle clip into the glowing Collector.

She finally got through its shields, but it was still up when she ducked back down beside the crate. With a thump, Mordin landed beside her. Scanning her quickly and punching a command into her suit. The throbbing in her shoulder subsided, and Shepard was pleased to see Mordin had brought along some kind of numbing anesthetic, which he had transferred to her suit.

"We are the Harbinger of your destiny!" The glowing Collector shouted, just before its head exploded. Garrus, swung out of his cover on the stairs above them, and moved up with them.

Before he could say a word about the gunshot wound, Shepard was up and moving around the complex, grabbing spare thermal clips and checking over the bodies for anything useful.

"Hello…what have we here?" She crouched by one of the bodies and picked up a strange looking rifle.

Mordin moved up along side her, jabbering excitedly. She blocked him out and took aim at a crate several yards away. A powerful beam shot from the end of the rifle, melting a hole in the heavy metal crate as though it was butter.

The three of them looked at the gun with their mouths open. Garrus stretched out a hand towards it and she spun out of reach. "Nice try big guy…finders keepers!"

"C'mon Shepard! You always keep the good stuff." Garrus groaned at her.

"Perks of being the boss Garrus, perks of being the boss. I'll tell you what though. I'll let you hold it later, if you're really, really nice to me." With a wink, she moved back into point, and grumbling he moved back to his position on her six.

The adrenaline was still coursing through her, so the wound in her shoulder was a minor inconvenience and she shrugged it off to be bandaged later. They moved up to a huge metal door, blocking the way into the rest of the Colony.

Her hacking skills weren't great, so it took longer than it would have if Tali or Kaidan had been with them, but eventually she got it open and they were through.

There was a scared mechanic named Delan hiding inside. He was shocked to know that the attack on the colony was being carried out by collectors, and he was worried about the other colonists, especially a woman named Lilith. He had been working on the comm system when the attack started.

"Damn it, it the Alliance's fault! They stationed that Commander Alenko here and built those defense towers. It made us a target!"

It took every ounce of willpower Shepard possessed to keep her walls up, and keep her Commander mask firmly in place at the mention of Kaidan. Garrus took another step closer to her, and Mordin moved with him like a shadow.

He told them about the defense towers, and his immense distrust of the Alliance. Garrus seemed to sense she wanted to grasp the idiot man and shake answers about what had happened to Kaidan out of him, so he moved up quietly and said "Shall we carry on Commander?"

She nodded curtly and they moved through the second set of doors, towards the defense towers.

As they continued to fight towards the defensive towers and the massive, but currently non-functional guns they possessed, more and more Collectors appeared to try and stop them. There were new ones as well; massive, hulking things called scions that threw out extremely powerful biotic blasts and were a nightmare to take down.

After what seemed like hours, they made it to the small clearing where the towers were. Shepard tried to radio Joker again, hoping that this close to the towers the comms would be working.

"Normandy. Do you copy?"

"Joker here. Signals weak Commander, but we got you."

 _Thank god._ "EDI can you get the Colony's defense towers online?"

After a brief conversation with the AI, it was determined that they would be able to get the guns back online to target the Collector ship, but it would take time. EDI alerted them to the fact that there were enemies fast approaching, so Garrus and Mordin scattered for cover as Shepard punched in the command on the computer.

Wave after wave of Collectors, scions and husks came for them. Each time they managed to repel them, but the wear was starting to show. Garrus was bleeding on the side of his face where a husk had gotten close enough to tear open the newly healed skin from his scar, while Mordin had taken a shot in the leg, and was now sharing the same cover as Shepard so she could keep the husks off of him as he couldn't run.

The last Collector went down, and Shepard moved out of cover and called to Garrus to do what he could for Mordin. She headed back towards the computer and was almost there when an enormous flying Collector dropped into the clearing in front of her. It was a Praetorian.

She ran. She ran as hard as she could and got into heavy cover as it unleashed a powerful laser beam at her that tore through the ground where she had been standing, leaving it a smoking ruin. It took everything the three of them had left to take it down. Whenever they would get its shields down, it would drop to the ground and regenerate, leaving them only a brief window to do some damage before it was up in the air again, its terrible laser beaming towards them with a promise of fiery death.

Using the last of the energy in the Collector Particle beam rifle she had picked up, Shepard finally brought it down, just as the guns came online and EDI fired upon the Collector Ship.

The massive canons tore into the colossal ship and it started to power on. With an earth shaking rumble that knocked Shepard off her feet, the Collector ship launched into the sky…taking however many colonists it had managed to collect with it.

Garrus, supporting Mordin, moved up next to her as she pushed herself to her feet. He spoke softly, as though the words were ones he didn't want to voice out loud. "There's no reason to stay. Most of the colonists are on board. They got what they came for."

Shepard felt numb. _Kaidan_.

She turned to Garrus, to remind him there were still people here, people that would need help when the mechanic, Delan came running into the clearing.

"No! Don't let them get away!" He screamed at her.

Shepard's shoulder's slumped. "There's nothing we can do. They're gone."

Delan was frantic, looking up at the sky. "Half the colony is in there! They took Egan and Sam and … Lilith. Do something!"

The weight of her failure settled squarely on Shepard's shoulders. "I didn't want it to end this way. I did what I could."

Mordin was spluttering angrily at the mechanic's audacity for blaming Shepard for the attack.

"You did more than most, Shepard." Garrus rumbled slowly from her side. He had moved up to stand next to her as the mechanic verbally attacked her. His solid presence was steadying, and she gave him a sad, small smile.

Delan froze, his gaze raking her up and down. "Shepard? Wait. I know that name. Sure… I remember you. You're some type of big Alliance hero."

She closed her eyes. This was just great.

She heard Garrus suck in a shocked breath, then a voice she was sure she would never hear again had her eyes shooting open in shock.

"Commander Shepard. Captain of the Normandy. First Human Spectre. Savior of the Citadel."

Kaidan came out from behind a crate, moving a little slowly, but otherwise unharmed.

He stopped next to the mechanic and shot him a look of contempt. "You're in the presence of a Legend, Delan."

He swung his gaze to Shepard. "And a ghost."

Their eyes met, and it was as though her mind filled with cotton. After the intensity of the battle, and the adrenaline and blood loss, she couldn't think coherently. Her eyes roamed over his face. His hair was longer, but it suited him perfectly, adding a softness to the contours of his face. Her eyes traced every detail of his beloved face, the hollows under his cheekbones where dimples appeared if he smiled, the always present five o'clock shadow. He had put on muscle, and was bigger, broader than she remembered, but it was him. He was alive and so achingly perfect it was like a physical pain to have him in front of her. There was something different about the way he held himself, and his eyes… those warm whisky colored eyes were just how she remembered them, and yet they were different too, almost wary. There were shadows of pain and loss stamped across his handsome face that hadn't been there before.

Delan muttered something she heard through buzzing ears and moved away, but she didn't care. She just stared at Kaidan dumbly as he moved towards her, pulling her into a hard hug.

The first thing she noticed was his smell. He smelled the same, like lemon and cedar and just Kaidan. Her arms banded around him, and she buried her face into the skin of his neck. Her mind was in shock, but her heart recognized him instantly, holding tight to him like she would never again let go.

His arms were tight around her, and she could feel his heart racing. _He's ok. He is here and he is ok. God Kaidan, I love you._ The emotional side of her brain was racing and the torrent of words she wanted to say were warring with themselves, tripping in their rush to get out so none of them made it past her throat.

"I thought you were dead Jane… we all did." His voice cracked slightly, and the sound of his pain tore through Shepard's heart like a bullet.

He released the tight hold slightly, moving away from her enough to pull back and look at her face.

 _Say something. Anything!_ Her mind was screaming at her. She heard the words leave her mouth, and instantly wanted to retrieve them. "It's been too long Kaidan. How have you been?"

Shock, followed quickly by hurt washed over Kaidan's face and he stared at her, taking several steps back and away.

 _Fucking idiot! Moron!_ The voice in her head howled at her.

"That's all you have to say? You show up after two years and just act like nothing happened?"

The hurt on Kaidan's face washed away, and his beautiful eyes filled with something Shepard never thought she would see directed at herself. Disgust.

He stepped close again, and the words he spat at her felt like knives. "I thought we had something Shepard. Something real. I…I loved you!"

Grey blurred the edges of Shepard's vision. She had waited to heard those words from him, waited to say them to him herself. To have them hurled at her now like weapons was a pain unlike anything she had ever felt before.

Everything she wanted to say was lodged in the back of her throat like lump, refusing to leave her mouth.

"Thinking you were dead tore me apart. How could you put me through that! Why didn't you try to contact me? Why didn't you let me know you were alive!"

He shouted the last of it at her, the pain and anger at the thought that she had deliberately chosen to cut him out of her life written across his face. She couldn't get her thoughts together, couldn't make herself think about what she was saying. The one emotion she didn't want to let out bubbled its way to the surface. Anger.

"It wasn't my choice! I spent the last two years in some kind of coma while Cerberus rebuilt me."

Kaidan reacted to the word Cerberus like she had slapped him. He backed away from her slowly, looking at the logo on her armour, then at Mordin and Garrus.

"You're with Cerberus now, and Garrus too. I can't believe the reports were right."

In her emotional state, Shepard didn't understand what he was saying, only that it was tearing her up to see him looking at her like she was his enemy while he slowly backed away.

Garrus however, understood instantly. "Reports. So you already knew." The Turian's voice was almost a growl.

Kaidan tore his eyes away from Shepard to look at his former crewmate and friend. "Alliance intel thought Cerberus might be behind the missing Human colonies. They got a tip this colony might be the next one to get it. Command stonewalled me, but there were rumors…that you weren't dead, and that you were working with the enemy."

It was like she was outside of her body, watching someone else take control. Everything was going wrong, nothing coming out the way it should. She spat the words at him "Cerberus and I want the same thing. To save our colonies, it doesn't mean I answer to them."

Kaidan got in her face, and Shepard was screaming inside her mind not to let this happen, not to push him away.

"Do you really believe that! Or is that just what Cerberus wants you to think?" Kaidan's face became a mask. Whatever had happened to him in the last two years, he knew now how to slam up his walls and become 'the Commander'…just like her.

"I wanted to believe the rumors that you were alive. But I never expected anything like this."

He raised his hand, pointing a finger at her chest. His face could have been carved from stone. "You turned your back on everything we believed in. You betrayed the Alliance. You betrayed me."

Pain. It tore through Shepard, and it took everything she had to keep her legs underneath her. Her mind was screaming at her to grab him, to make him understand. Her voice was pleading. "Kaidan you know me. You know I would only do this for the right reason. You saw it yourself, the Collectors are targeting Human colonies, and they are working with the Reapers."

He stood, so still and tall in front of her. "I want to believe you Shepard, but I don't trust Cerberus. They could be using the threat of a Reaper invasion to manipulate _you."_ The old care and concern flashed across his face, before he slammed the mask back up. "What if they're behind it? What if they're working with the Collectors?"

"Damn it Kaidan! You're so focused on Cerberus that you're ignoring the real threat!" Garrus snarled at him, shifting closer to Shepard protectively.

"You're letting how you feel about Cerberus and their history get in the way of the facts." She pleaded with him.

"Maybe. Or maybe you feel like you owe Cerberus because they saved you. Maybe you're the one who's not thinking straight."

Kaidan's face was still a mask, and Shepard numbly recognized the stubborn set to his jaw. "So you really wont listen?"

He looked at her, and this time his voice was cold. "You show up after two years and tell me you're working with Cerberus. Where does reason figure into any of this? You've changed, but I still know where my loyalties lie. I'm an Alliance soldier. Always will be. I've got to report back to the Citadel. They can decide if they believe your story or not."

He turned and started to walk away. Shepard vision was greying on the edges and she felt panic blooming in her chest at the sight of him leaving.

"Kaidan! I could use you on my crew… it will be just like old times." Her voice was weak, and she hated the tremor in it as she called after him. He froze, and looked back at her.

"No, it wont. I will never work for Cerberus. Goodbye Shepard." For just a moment the mask lifted and the pain he must have been feeling slammed into his face. "And Shepard…be careful."

He left.

She felt like she could shatter at any moment. Her breathing was shallow, and her legs felt like they would give out. She heard Mordin radio Joker for a pick up, and it was all she could do not to fall to her knees and scream at the unfairness of it all.

 _How had it gone so wrong?_ Garrus moved into her line of sight, his eyes awash with concern. "Shepard… are you alright? Shepard?"

She stayed silent. She felt if she opened her mouth, she wouldn't be able to contain the sound of her heart shredding, as her soul desperately tried to understand how she had let half of it be torn away. The emotions swirling through her were threatening to drown her, pull her down into the depths of despair she might never be able to climb out of.

All because she hadn't been able to say what she needed to say. All because Anderson hadn't been willing to help her when she needed him to. All because of Cerberus.

She let the grey creeping in at the edge of her vision consume her, and didn't struggle as the sea of despair swallowed her whole.


	22. Chapter 22

**Authors Note: For everyone who wanted to know where Kaidan's head was at... here you go. Horizon from a fresh perspective.**

 **Comments are very welcome. It really makes my day. And to my guest reviewer... There may be some snags along the way, but Shenko will be back...never fear!**

 **Ka'Dira Ezra, thank you for your suggestions, and making this story flow as smoothly as possible. Your the best.**

Chapter Twenty-Two

 **Kaidan**

 **Horizon**

The back of his skull ached where his amp port burned from over use. He had been flaring, straining against whatever the insect had done to him for what he thought must have been hours.

The aliens and their strange floating pods had moved back and forth in his line of sight, loading people into pods. Stealing them away from their lives. He hadn't seen any for several minutes though, and he began to wonder if they had somehow missed him. He was alone at the end of the clearing, the other colonists that had been around him having scattered and run while he was the first to be frozen.

He flared again, ignoring the burning pain in his head. Then he heard something, something he had not expected to hear.

Gunfire.

It was distant, but there was enough of it to give him hope. The Alliance must have come. There could have been a patrol nearby, maybe someone Anderson sent when the comms went down last week.

His weariness from constantly straining against the invisible force holding him was gone in a rush of adrenaline, and he struggled in a renewed frenzy. Again and again he willed his body to obey him as he attacked himself with his biotics.

The gunfire was closer now, and he could occasionally hear shouting.

Suddenly, at the far end of the clearing he was in, a wave of aliens followed by a hulking floating monster ran past into the compound with the defensive towers. The gunfire was loud now, and Kaidan's heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest. Whoever had made it to the colony to try and save them had gotten to the guns.

There was definite shouting now, but with all the metal containers around him, the voices were distorted and he couldn't make them out. He thought one sounded Turian…the dual tones were hard to mistake.

There was silence for a moment, and then he heard something that made his heart leap in his chest, and his blood run cold at the same time.

"Shepard! Watch out!"

It was screamed by the Turian voice, and was followed by a series of shots and high pitched alien screeching. There was an explosion, and suddenly the defensive cannons were firing.

With a roar, the massive alien ship fired its engines and began to rise into the sky. In an instant the paralyzing hold was released and he fell to the ground, his muscles screaming in agony as feeling flooded back into them.

He lay for a moment, until he could get his head off the ground, and just as he lifted it he saw the mechanic, Delan dart past the edge of the clearing towards the leaving ship. His head pounded and he felt something warm on his face. His nose had begun to bleed.

He focused on his training, using deep breathes and small movements to get his muscles to respond. He allowed himself to lay while he slowly moved his fingers and toes, and then his arms and legs. Finally, he was able to sit up. He pinched his nose, and tilted his throbbing head back until the blood stopped flowing.

He pushed himself to his feet, and although he was by no means steady on them, he forced himself to walk forward.

He could hear voices now. Delan was yelling "…They took Egan and Sam and, and Lilith! Do something!"

"I didn't want it to end this way. I did what I could."

The breath left Kaidan's lungs in a whoosh, and he had to grab a crate for support as his legs gave out from underneath him.

Shepard. _Oh god, it's really her, she's really alive._ Her voice was heartbreakingly familiar. The last thing he had ever heard her say was his name, followed by 'go' as she ordered him off the burning Normandy without her. He had imagined seeing her again a thousand times, and now that he was going to, he felt scared and exhilarated all at once.

He forced himself to take a couple deep breaths, and was shocked again when another familiar voice spoke.

"More than most, Shepard."

Garrus. Shepard and Garrus were here. They had come to help. He forced himself to stand, and walked with wobbly legs towards the sound of their voices.

"Shepard? Wait, I know that name. Sure I remember you, you're some type of big Alliance hero."

Kaidan cleared the edge of the crate and there she was. She was battered, bleeding and exhausted. She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He spoke as he walked towards her, his eyes never leaving her face.

"Commander Shepard. Captain of the Normandy. The first Human Spectre. Savior of the Citadel."

He tore his eyes away from her long enough to look at Delan, who was eyeing him with un-disguised hatred.

"You're in the presence of a legend Delan. And a ghost."

He was close to her now, and he took a step closer. His eyes devoured everything they could see, Delan's reply nothing more than a buzz in his ears.

Her eyes were focused on him, and they were roaming his face just as his were roaming hers. The curve of her brow, arched ever so slightly over her expressive green eyes. Her lips, so soft and full, always quick to smile. The softness of her skin and the honey coloured hair, longer than he remembered and hanging in a braid down her back.

Memories tore through him. Her hair fanned out beneath her as he raised himself above her, raining kisses along her collar bone as she shivered. Her lips touching the skin of his ear as she whispered words meant only for him to hear. Her fingers trailing along his spine, a forbidden touch when no one is looking.

He reached for her, and she moved instantly into his arms. She smelled like gun oil, and blood and home. He tightened his arms around her, and his heart felt like it was going to explode. For the first time in over two years, Kaidan felt like he was whole. The piece that had been cut out of him when she died was back, and even if it didn't fit quite the same as before, it was back. She buried her face in the crook of his neck, as she had when she told him about Mindoir, and his heart swelled.

"I thought you were dead Jane…we all did." His voice cracked with emotion as he murmured the words. He never wanted to move again, but the feeling of her in his arms was warring with the desire to see her face again.

He moved back, releasing her enough to see her face. Concern shot through him. She was white, and her eyes were darting rapidly all over his face. She swallowed hard then said. "It's been too long Kaidan. How have you been?"

 _What the fuck?_ Shock and pain tore through him. Her words were like ice water and knives along his skin. _How could she say that? How could she_ …

"That's all you have to say? You show up after two years and just act like nothing's happened?"

Bile rose in his throat as his hopes crashed and burned all around him. The Shepard he knew, or thought he knew, could never have been so callous.

"I thought we had something Shepard. Something real. I…I loved you!" He hadn't meant for it to come out. Two years of bottled up emotions combined with the shock of having the woman he loved acting nothing like the woman he had fallen in love with drove Kaidan past the point of rational thought.

"Thinking you were dead tore me apart. How could you put me through that? Why didn't you contact me? Why didn't you let me know you were alive?!"

He wanted to shake her, kiss her, scream at her. All the swirling emotions tore at him, and he struggled to keep his biotics in line. They had always been more reactive around her, and now he felt like he was going to explode.

Numbly, he heard he reply, her voice defensive and angry. "It wasn't my choice! I spent the last two years in some kind of coma while Cerberus rebuilt me."

Cerberus. The conversation with Anderson tore through his mind. _'we don't know what happened. She could be a clone or a VI…we just don't know enough yet. All we have are the reports that she is with Cerberus.'_

Before he could stop himself, he took a step back and away from her, then another. His eyes zeroed in on the logo on her chest. He looked to Garrus, and the Salarian with them. All in black and yellow. All wearing a Cerberus logo.

He remembered the team deliberately slaughtered by a thresher maw so Cerberus could study their reactions. He remembered Admiral Kahoku, killed by Cerberus after discovering the truth about the maw attack. He remembered the Rachni on Noveria.

"You're with Cerberus now, and Garrus too? I can't believe the reports were right."

He felt like he was going to be sick. Shepard, his Shepard, could never work for someone like Cerberus. She was the antithesis of everything they stood for. Something had been done to her, or it wasn't really her at all.

Garrus took a step closer to him, his stance very protective of Shepard. "Reports. So you already knew." The Turian growled it at him, his anger evident.

Kaidan tore his eyes away from Shepard, and the look in her eyes to focus on Garrus. "Alliance intel thought Cerberus might be behind the missing Human colonies. They got a tip this colony might be the next on to get hit. Command stonewalled me, but there were rumors" He focused again on her pale face. "…that you weren't dead, and that you were working with the enemy."

She spoke and his heart surged at her voice. "Cerberus and I want the same thing. To save our colonies, it doesn't mean I answer to them."

Her voice was pleading, but Kaidan's heart couldn't take anymore. He felt like he was bleeding out. Like everything he had ever wanted was slipping through his fingertips, and he couldn't seem to stop it. He had to protect himself against her. He had to honor the real Shepard.

He slammed his walls up. "Do you really believe that, or is that just what Cerberus wants you to think? I wanted to believe the rumors that you were alive. But I never expected anything like this."

Two years. She said she had been in a coma, but if that were true, how was she so strong? Her muscles would have atrophied; she would have had to relearn how to do basic things. She had new scars crisscrossing her face, but that could mean anything. She had been alive for two years, and he hadn't meant enough to her for her to even tell him.

He raised his hand, pointing his finger at her chest. "You turned your back on everything we believed in. You betrayed the Alliance. You betrayed me."

Her face went white and she gasped like he had slapped her. Despite his walls, despite everything he was trying to do to steel himself against this pale imitation of the person he loved, it was like a knife to his guts to see the pain he caused her.

"Kaidan you know me. You know I would only do this for the right reason. You saw it yourself, the Collectors are targeting human colonies, and they are working for the Reapers."

His heart was screaming at him to listen, but his eyes kept seeing Cerberus. Even if it was her, as his heart seemed to believe, and not a clone or a VI there was still no guarantee that Cerberus hadn't done something to her. If they really did have a hold of her for two years they could have brainwashed her, or implanted her with a control chip.

"I want to believe you Shepard, but I don't trust Cerberus. They could be using the threat of a Reaper invasion to manipulate _you_."

Despite himself, he cared about her. Despite himself, he loved her. He clamped down on the urge to grab her and steal her away. If he could get her away from Cerberus maybe they would still have a chance. Then he looked at Garrus, gun lowered enough to not be pointing directly at him, but not low enough to dismiss him as a threat. The Turian would gun him down in an instant if he tried to take Shepard with him.

He tried to get her to see it from his point of view. "What if they are behind it? What if they're working with the Collectors?" He ignored the stricken expression she gave him, as he again voiced out load the fact the he didn't trust her anymore. Once he would have followed her into hell without question. But now…

Garrus exploded, moving partially in front of Shepard to shield her. Shield her from _him_. "Damn it Kaidan! You're so focused on Cerberus that you're ignoring the real threat!"

Shepard placed her hand on Garrus' arm to calm him. Her eyes searched out Kaidan's, and his heart broke anew at the pain in them. Pain he was causing.

"You're letting how you feel about Cerberus and their history get in the way of the facts." She was pleading with him to listen, and he wanted to. He wanted to desperately, but the images of corpses mangled by a thresher maw, and the dead bodies scattered by the Rachni on Noveria wouldn't let him.

"Maybe. Or maybe you feel like you owe Cerberus because they saved you. Maybe you're the one who's not thinking straight."

He saw it the instant she gave up on him, and his heart sputtered as part of his soul withered away.

Her voice was a whisper, but the words burned into his mind.

"So you really won't listen?"

He clenched his jaw tight against the pain of his breaking heart. "You show up after two years and tell me you're working with Cerberus. Where does reason figure into any of this? You've changed, but I still know where my loyalties lie. I'm an Alliance soldier. Always will be. I've got to report back to the Citadel. They can decide if they believe your story or not."

He clamped down on the urge to pull her into his arms as a pain flashed across her face. The voice howling in his mind to stop was thrust viciously aside as he turned on leaded legs to leave the clearing.

She called after him, her voice weak. "Kaidan! I could use you on my crew…it will be just like old times."

He looked back at her, standing there. His heart was convinced it was her, was screaming at him to go back, grab her and never let go. His mind saw the black and yellow of Cerberus.

"No, it wont. I will never work for Cerberus. Goodbye Shepard."

As he said goodbye, his heart clenched and pain flared through him. It sounded so final. She was with Cerberus, with the enemy. Saying goodbye now might literally mean he could never see her again.

His heart, still protesting wildly, managed to win briefly against the soldier drilled through his mind.

"And Shepard…be careful."

He forced himself to walk away. She murmured something that he couldn't hear, but he didn't stop, and he didn't look back.

00oo00oo00

After leaving Shepard standing in the clearing with the defensive towers, Kaidan went back to his little pre-fab unit to try and message Anderson. He heard the roar of a shuttle as he walked, and knew she had left. He shoved the pain that was caused by the fact that she was gone. He entered his unit, and saw the blinking light on his terminal.

Whatever Shepard and her team did to the Towers had gotten the system up and running again he saw with relief. He pulled up his messages, trying to figure out what the hell he was going to say to Anderson when he saw the three priority messages in his inbox.

Three in a week? Holy shit. He opened the first one it being the oldest, and it was from Anderson.

 ** _Commander Alenko_**

 ** _Urgent communication needed. Initiate contact ASAP._**

 ** _Captain David Anderson_**

He frowned. It was dated the day after he had sent his request for more information about Shepard over a week ago. The same day the comm channels went down.

The next Message, was again from Anderson. Sent 48 hours after the first.

 ** _Commander Alenko._**

 ** _Contact me ASAP. Re: Commander Shepard._**

 ** _Captain David Anderson_**

His mouth dropped open, and a growing sense of dread starting building in his guts. He looked at the final priority message. It was dated yesterday afternoon.

 ** _Kaidan_**

 ** _Hackett has picked me up. ETA to Horizon 24 hours. Confirmation Shepard is alive._**

 ** _It's her._**

 ** _David Anderson_**

His knees gave out from underneath him and he sank into his chair as the air left his lungs in a whoosh. Based on the time from the message, Anderson would be here within the next two hours.

Bile rose in Kaidan's throat, and he pushed off the chair and made it to the kitchen sink just before he began dry heaving. There was nothing to come up, but he still wretched miserably as his mind reeled.

He remembered what he had said in the clearing. How he had pushed away the emotions screaming at him that it was her and he had to stop. That he was tearing her, his Jane, up with his words.

 _He raised his hand, pointing his finger at her chest. "You turned your back on everything we believed in. You betrayed the Alliance. You betrayed me."_

The memory ripped through his mind, and he wretched again as the expression on her face when he basically called her a liar and a traitor flashed through his mind. He couldn't have cut her so deeply if he had gutted her with a knife.

 _You fucked up Kaidan. You fucked up bad._

He didn't know how long he sat there, on the floor of his kitchen before he heard the roar of shuttles coming in to land. He pushed himself off the floor, and rinsed his mouth, heading out to meet Hackett and Anderson.

There were Fifth Fleet marines in the clearing organizing the colonists. Getting them ready with new supplies and giving them assurances of help to rebuild. Hackett and Anderson were off to one side, looking at the piles of husks and the scorched and shot up containers throughout the clearing.

As he approached them, Anderson looked up and saw him. Relief bloomed across the older man's face, and then he was looking behind Kaidan, as though searching for someone else. Searching for Shepard.

Kaidan's shoulders hunched as he imagined what the older man would say. He was like family to Shepard, he didn't know how Anderson would react when Kaidan told him about what he had said.

"Kaidan, thank god you made it out."

Anderson stepped forward, clasping one hand on Kaidan's forearm, the other to his shoulder.

"Is Shepard with you? Cerberus contacted us and told us that she was here, and that she managed to help save some of the colonists."

Kaidan looked away from Anderson's searching face, swallowing hard.

"Yeah, she was here… But she's gone."

Hackett closed his eyes for a brief moment, and Kaidan knew the Admiral must understand at least some of what had happened between them. Understanding was slower to dawn with Anderson.

"What do you mean? You've been looking for her for months, since I told you about the rumors she was alive. Did you not get a chance to talk to her?"

Kaidan finally met Anderson's gaze, battling to stop the tears blurring his vision.

"Anderson I… she… she was here with Cerberus. When we started talking she was distant, she just kind of brushed me off. I just kept thinking about what you said… It might not really be her, it might be a clone or something…"

As understanding hit him, horror bloomed on the councillors face. The words poured out of Kaidan in a rush, like a festering wound.

"She just kept saying that Cerberus were the only people willing to help, and she didn't have a choice. She said the Alliance wouldn't help her, that the council turned their backs. I knew we would never do that, and I kept seeing the logo's. Cerberus on her armour, on Garrus'…She said she had been in a…in a kind of coma. But she looked the same! She had these scars, but she still looked the same. If she had been in a coma there's no way she would be back in action so fast, it just doesn't make sense!"

Hackett stepped forward, his gruff face hard, but sympathetic.

"What did you say Alenko?"

Kaidan's eyes were glued to Anderson's face. The man looked grey, like he was aging right before Kaidan's eyes.

"I…I said she had betrayed us…the Alliance, and… and that she had betrayed me. I told her… I told her I didn't believe her."

Anderson put a hand out to steady himself on a crate that was next to him, leaning against it. His eyes were closed tight, and his face was pained.

"God Kaidan. We are the ones who betrayed her. She came to see me, a few weeks ago. The council wrote her off. Told her to stay in the Terminus systems and they would basically pretend she doesn't exist. The brass…everyone other than Hackett shot me down, wouldn't listen or give any resources."

The devastation that tore through Kaidan at Anderson's words was staggering.

Anderson continued. "She was trying to find you, and I… I told her it was classified. I knew she was our best shot at stopping the collectors, and as much as I hate what they stand for, Cerberus is the only one with the resources to do anything about it right now. I couldn't tell her where you you where because…"

Hackett spoke up once again. "Anderson didn't tell her where you were because I told him not to. Shepard is our best chance against the Collectors, and with her out there… We need you here, with the Alliance, Alenko. You're the only member of her team that is still Alliance, and well…to put it bluntly, I couldn't risk you leaving to join her. Not when you are the only one with first hand knowledge of the Reapers."

Kaidan's mind was whirling. He could barely take it all in. Hackett had expected him to react this way. Anderson had known about Cerberus, and approved. In the whirling thoughts one jumped to the forefront of his mind.

"Wait…Anderson, Shepard told me about Mindoir. You knew about us, how much we meant to each other. She thinks of you as her family, but when she asked about me…Oh my god. All of us. All of the people she lov-cared about, sent her away. Told her they didn't believe in her?"

Anderson's jaw was tight as he nodded. Suddenly the pleading look on her face, the devastation when he told her he didn't believe her…it hit him like a truck.

First Anderson, and then himself. They had cast her off like she had meant nothing. Anderson refusing to talk to her had torn her up, then Kaidan had kicked her while she was down. He could never take it back, and now she was with Cerberus. Trying to take down an enemy that could wipe out an entire colony in hours.

 _Why was I such a fool._ Garrus. Garrus had been with her. Garrus had believed, had trusted her when he and Anderson had not. He saw again the protective stance, then glint of something hard in the Turian's eyes as he yelled at Kaidan.

Bile rose in his throat again.

"We need to get out of here, and head back to the Citadel. All we can do for her now is keep in touch and use what little influence we have to back her up. She is going to need everything we can get her to make it through this." Anderson's voice was thin and brittle.

Kaidan nodded numbly, then his head snapped back towards his unit. "Wait, there's something I need to get first."

He turned and strode back to his quarters. The photo of Shepard and himself was still in his nightstand, and he grabbed it out. His insides were all twisted up with everything that he had just heard, along with the expressions on her face when they had talked as he looked at it.

As he looked at her face, smiling up at him from the frame, he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he would do better for her. That this would not be the end of them.

He brought up his terminal, and sat down in front of it. There was so much he wanted to say, but most of it deserved to be said in person. So with his thoughts still spinning, he recorded a message to send to Shepard.

 _Shepard._

 _I'm sorry for what I said back on Horizon. I spent two years pulling myself together after you went down with the Normandy. It took me a long time to get over my guilt for surviving and move on. I finally let my friends talk me into going on a date with a doctor on the Citadel. Nothing serious, but trying to let myself have a life again, you know?_

 _Then I saw you, and everything pulled hard to port. You were standing in front of me, but you were with Cerberus. I guess I am trying to say, I don't really know who either of us are anymore. Do you even remember that night before Ilos? That night meant everything to me…maybe it meant as much to you. But a lot has changed these last two years, and I can't just put that aside._

 _But please, be careful. I've watched too many people close to me die – on Eden Prime, on Virmire, on Horizon… on the Normandy._

 _I… I couldn't bear it if I lost you again. Especially not after what happened on Horizon. If you're still the woman I remember, I know you'll find a way to stop these Collector attacks. I know that's what your doing, even if I don't understand who your doing it with._

 _But watch yourself with Cerberus, please. They are too dangerous to be trusted._

 _When things settle down a little, maybe we could…well, I don't know._

 _Just take care of yourself Jane. Please._

 _Kaidan._

It was the best he could do with the time he had, and it was by no means all he wanted to say, but it was something. He sent it away, praying it would find her, as all he had was her old Alliance number to send it to.

With the picture clutched tight to his chest, he headed back into the clearing and onto a shuttle.

As Horizon was left behind Kaidan couldn't help but feel that one of the best parts of himself had been torn away, snatched by circumstance and stupidity, and he would never be able to get it back.


	23. Chapter 23

**Authors Note: Buckle up Illusive Man...Things are about to hit the fan.**

 **Don't worry folks... The angst from the last few chapters is pretty much over now.**

 **Enjoy!**

Chapter Twenty-Three

Garrus led Shepard off the shuttle into the cargo bay of the Normandy. His sub-harmonics were whirring in a constant worried trill that he couldn't stop. He had been with her after she had been blown up, shot, poisoned, burned… but he had never seen her like she was now.

She followed him placidly, allowing him to keep a hold of her hand and lead her along behind him. Her eyes were unfocused and glazed. It was like she was sleepwalking.

Garrus was terrified.

He led her straight to the med bay. Dr. Chakwas looked up as the door opened, and a smile started to form on her face as she saw him. It was quickly replaced by shock and concern as she saw Shepard. He led her to a bed and got her to sit down. He went to pull his hand out of hers so he could move out of the way, but she suddenly grasped it tight. His eyes flew to her face, but the glazed expression hadn't changed. He left his hand in hers for the time being.

"Help me get her armour off. What Happened?" Dr. Chakwas asked him, examining the bullet wound in her shoulder, Garrus using his free hand to release the seals while the doctor peeled the battered pieces away.

"Kaidan was there, on Horizon."

Dr. Chakwas' eyes flew to his face, and the colour blanched from her face. She looked slowly back to Shepard, sitting glazed and unresponsive on the bed, and closed her eyes. "Is he dead?"

"No, they didn't get him but…" Garrus' mandibles flared and clicked angrily.

Chakwas stepped away from Shepard and placed her hand on Garrus' shoulder, getting him to sit on the bed next to Shepard.

"Garrus, the Commander had withdrawn into herself. She has had an extreme shock and trauma and I need to know exactly what was said to make her react this way."

Rage filled Garrus as he remembered Kaidan's coldness and cruelty. His voice was a growl as he recounted the first moments of their meeting.

"It seemed fine at first, he was happy to see her, hugged her even. But then, I don't know, Shepard couldn't seem to put her words together. She came off as sort of dismissive or flippant. He told her he… he told her he loved her, kind of shouted it at her actually."

Dr. Chakwas was looking at him, something almost like sympathy on her face. "He told her he loved her?"

Garrus looked down at Shepard's hand, so small and alien curled in his large taloned one. "Yeah, he did. _Loved_ he said. But then when she tried to explain about Cerberus, he just shut her down. He called her a traitor, to the Alliance and to him. He wouldn't let her explain, seemed to think she _chose_ to not contact him over the last two years."

Garrus snarled viciously. "He was so focused on Cerberus he refused to see what his words were doing to her."

The doctor had raised a hand to her face, and was pinching the bridge of her nose, with her eyes squeezed tight shut. She was muttering something to herself that sounded like "stubborn, stupid jackass!"

Garrus looked back at Shepard. She was still sitting silently, but her eyes weren't glazed anymore, and there were tears trailing down her face.

"Shepard?"

Chakwas looked up as he softly spoke her name, his chest rumbling with anxiety. She moved and crouched in front of her.

"Shepard. I need you to talk to me. Are you injured anywhere other than your shoulder?"

She shook her head no at the doctor slowly, tears still falling steadily and silently. Emotions were swelling up in Garrus, emotions he had no right to feel. He cared about her, as more than his commanding officer. The rage his felt at Alenko was rising up in his chest like molten lava, and he knew he would have to give it some kind of release or he would lose his mind.

He tried again to pull his hand out of Shepard's, and this time she released him. She looked up at him, and the heartbreak on her face felt like a punch to his guts.

He stood. "Shepard, I'll leave you with Chakwas. She'll make sure you are alright, I'll uh go debrief the rest of the team." He scurried out of the med bay as quickly as he could and got on the elevator.

The doors barely closed behind him when his rage overtook him. With a howl he struck the wall of the elevator, leaving three-foot-long gashes in the metal. His teeth gnashed with fury and he added a couple punches to the already damaged panel. It wasn't nearly enough, but it let him get the lid back on his emotions long enough to call the crew together, and let them know they had saved some of the colonists, but the Collectors had gotten away with the rest. He didn't mention the encounter with Alenko.

He stalked off towards the main battery, and in the haze of rage he didn't notice Joker standing in the hall about to get on the elevator, looking back and forth between the mangled wall and Garrus, his mouth hanging open in shock.

00oo00oo00

Shepard woke slowly. She cracked her eyes enough to notice she was in the med bay, then shut them tight again as the previous day's events came crashing into her awareness. She felt more exhausted than she had ever been. She could tell by the heaviness in her limbs that Chakwas had given her a sedative to get her to sleep, and judging by the fact that her face felt like it had been used as a punching bag, she imagined there had been an enormous amount of sobbing on her part.

With a groan she sat up, rubbing her fingers across her red, swollen eyes. There was a soft thump beside her, and the bed beside her sank as someone sat next to her. She opened her eyes to see Chakwas holding a steaming cup of tea, with another on the table by Shepard's elbow.

She smiled gratefully at the doctor and wrapped her hands around the mug, bringing it up to her face and letting the steam and sweet smell bath her face.

"Jane. You really should talk about it. It will do you no good to keep it bottled up. It will just eat away at you."

"I know" Shepard's voice was small, and she hated unlike herself she sounded.

She sat, fidgeting a little and then with a sigh, tried to explain what had happened on Horizon.

"When I saw Kaidan, it was like this wave of relief. I had been so sure that he was on the ship, that I had lost him forever, and then there he was. Standing in front of me. He looked the same, but different. He hugged me and… god it was like I was home. Like I was finally me again, after all this time just floating around trying to find myself."

Shepard frowned, and studied the cup of tea in her hand. "All of these emotions were swirling around in me, and I couldn't find the words I wanted to say so I just blurted out 'how have you been?'"

Chakwas cringed, and Shepard grimaced with her. "I know. Even as I heard myself say it I wished I could take it back. Well, Kaidan didn't react well either. It was like I hit a switch on him. The Kaidan I knew… the Kaidan I knew was gone, and in his place was this angry, bitter man."

Her throat felt tight, and she swallowed hard as she continued, Chakwas silently supportive next to her. "He thought I had been with Cerberus this whole time. He wouldn't let me explain. He said I betrayed him and the Alliance, and that Cerberus was controlling me. He looked disgusted."

The mug in her hand wobbled dangerously and she set it down. A single tear escaped from her eye and trailed down her cheek. She turned and looked at Dr. Chakwas. "Karin, he was disgusted at me. Like I was some kind of horrifying monster instead of a person he used to love."

She laughed bitterly. "Used to love. That's how he said it. Loved."

Dr. Chakwas reached over and patted her hand. "Jane, if there is one thing I have learned over my years, is that men are pig headed idiots. And Alliance marines are the worst of the lot. I know it doesn't seem possible now, but in time you both will work it out."

Shepard just looked at her, disbelief written across her face.

Dr. Chakwas laughed, and gave her a little squeeze. "I promise, you and Kaidan will sit down one day and this will just be a tough time you had to get through. I saw the two of you together, and it wasn't just a casual thing. You both loved each other, even if he was too stubborn, and you were too afraid to say it."

A memory came to Shepard. _She laid on her bed, 15 years old, and sobbed her heart out because Jamie Douglas had broken things off with her. Her heart had felt like it was tearing in two. Her mother had sat beside her and stroked her hair, telling her that everything would be ok, and her heart would mend._

In time her heart had mended from Jamie Douglas, and other far more terrible things. She looked at the woman seated next to her, and a bit of the weight lifted from her shoulders. She thought of Joker, and Garrus. She was surrounded by people who cared, and surrounded by others who relied on her.

She couldn't let one man, no matter how much she loved him, derail her from being herself. She was Commander Jane Shepard, and she hadn't betrayed him, or the Alliance.

A new set of emotions began to replace those of despair and sorrow.

She was filled with determination and anger. How dare he accuse her of betrayal? How dare he act all self righteous without the facts? He had been such a mule-headed, stubborn ass, and he hadn't even waited to hear her side of things before scuttling back to the Alliance in a pout!

Shepard stood up, and straightened her shoulders. She would not hide in the med bay and weep like some 15-year-old girl with a broken heart.

"Thank you Karen. I really needed that. I'll come back and we will talk some more later. I am going to see Joker and then I need to have a chat with Ms. Lawson." The latter was said with no small amount of steel in her voice.

Dr. Chakwas sent her a smile, and wished her good luck, then Shepard was striding out of the med bay and onto the elevator.

The door swung shut and Shepard was tapping her foot impatiently as she waited for the elevator to bring her the the CIC floor. She spun around to pace in frustration, and that's when she noticed the mangled panel in the elevator.

It was caved in in sections, and there were angry slashes three feet long across the once smooth metal surface. _Hmm, maybe I should talk to Garrus too._

With a ping, the elevator stopped, and she headed for the Bridge, grunting at Chamber's cheerful 'There are new messages at your private terminal Commander'

As she reached the bridge, Joker must have heard her approaching, as he spun his chair to face her. He also must have heard something about what had happened on Horizon, because his face was wary.

"Hey Commander. It's uh, crazy the people you can run in to out here huh?" Joker rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, and she knew he was nervous, or expecting her to bawl or chew him out.

He continued, her silence unnerving him. "I mean it was probably a set up or something, but it was still good to see Kaidan- I mean Staff Commander Alenko."

She heaved a sigh, deciding to cut the pilot a break and not hash everything over again. He had probably heard it all through the suit comms anyway. "Another reminder of how I lost more than time." It was said plainly. A statement of fact.

His face started to show sympathy, and it was the last thing she needed right now, so she hastily added "I don't need this garbage."

He snapped out of it instantly. "Right, understood Commander!" He wheeled back around and began mashing buttons frantically.

With a small smile, she headed for Miranda. At least Joker could be counted on to treat her the same if she wanted him too. She thanked her lucky stars again for delivering her the pilot, he was a good friend, and those were apparently in shorter supply that she had thought.

She entered the XO's office and before Miranda could rise Shepard was speaking. "Lawson, you're with me. We are going to have a little chat with the Illusive Man."

"Shepard, I really don't think-"

"I didn't ask what you think. Come on."

Her expression one of severe disapproval, Miranda followed Shepard the the briefing room.

As she was scanned and projected into the Illusive Man's location, he started speaking immediately. "Shepard. Good work on Horizon. Hopefully, the Collectors will think twice before attacking another colony."

She was tired of his pseudo-helpful bullshit. "It's not a victory. We interrupted the Collectors, but they still abducted half the colony."

He shrugged. "That's better than the entire colony, and more than we've accomplished since the abductions began. The Collectors will be more careful now, but I think we can find another way to lure them in."

 _Gotcha you sneaky Cerberus son-of-a-bitch!_ "Kaidan said the Alliance got a tip about me and Cerberus. Was that you?" Her voice was cold, and deadly calm. Miranda at least, had the grace to fidget guiltily.

"I may have let it slip that you were alive… and with Cerberus."

In all the time since waking up, Shepard had never wished more that she wasn't a hologram version of herself in his office. Visions of her punching him right in his arrogant face and smashing his perfect teeth out of his smug mouth danced across her mind. She gritted her teeth, and carried on.

"You risked the lives of Kaidan, my crew and that entire colony? Just to lure the Collectors there?"

Her hatred of him, and the situation that forced her to work with him was overwhelming.

He took another long pull on his cigarette. The nonchalance in his voice grated across her already frazzled nerves like an electric current.

"A calculated risk. I suspected the Collectors were looking for you, or people connected to you. Now, I know that for certain."

"You fucking bastard." Miranda took a step towards her, mouth open to defend her precious mentor, but the look Shepard shot her stopped her cold.

The Illusive man just sat, so confident and arrogant in the fact that she had no where else to go. "I told you I wouldn't sit and wait while the Reapers and Collectors gather strength. Besides, they would have hit another Colony eventually. And without a way to predict which one, they would've abducted everyone."

In her mind she railed at her situation. He was using her, endangering the people she loved, but he made a certain amount of sense. But she would be damned if she let him endanger more people just to feed his sick, egotistical need to be right. His need to keep her in his control.

"We have to make sure they don't abduct anyone else." Her tone was like steel.

"I want the collectors stopped for that very reason. That's why we are doing this Shepard. I'm devoting all resources to finding a way through the Omega 4 relay. We have to hit them where they live. Your team will need to be strong…as will their resolve. There's no looking back. The same goes for you. Can I assume you've put your past relationships behind you?"

Shepard's mouth dropped open slightly at his audacity. She battled down the urge to call him every foul name she could think of, and spat, "None of your damn business!"

He leaned back, and eyed her coldly. "If it affects the mission, better you should leave it behind. Shepard, once we find a way through the Omega 4 relay to the Collector home world…there's no guarantee you'll return. To have any hope of surviving, you –and your entire team—must be fully committed to this."

Shepard had had enough. She stepped to the edge of the holo, as close to him as she could get without physically being there.

"Listen to me you son-of-a-bitch. You may have brought me back, and you may think that means you own me, but listen the fuck up. _I_ am using _you._ I know what is best for my people, they're _my_ people! I will get this done, because it is the right thing to do, and the Reapers need to be stopped. But if you think for even an instant that when this is done I won't dedicate every free moment to hunting you down and making you pay for what happened on Horizon, you are fucking delusional. Let your pet here be a witness. Sleep well while you can asshole, cause when this is done, I'll be coming for you."

Miranda's face was white with shock, and Shepard spun on her heel and strode out of the briefing room, leaving Miranda and a sputtering Illusive man in her wake.

She felt more like her old self then she had in months. She headed down to the battery to talk to Garrus. It was high time she stopped focusing on herself and helped her teammates. Something had been eating at Garrus since she picked him up on Omega, and she was going to get him to tell her what it was.

The door to the main battery hissed opened, but Garrus didn't seem to notice. His back was to her, and he was bent over the computer, no doubt calibrating something.

She sidled up beside him, then said "Whatcha doing?" right in his ear.

With a curse he spun, bashing his knuckles on the console. "Spirits, Shepard!"

He must have really been concentrating, because it was almost impossible to sneak up on a Turian. Their superior senses usually meant the could hear, see, or smell you coming a mile away.

Her grin at getting one over on him must have been infectious however, because even as he waggled his bruised digits to take the sting away, he smiled shyly back at her.

"So Garrus… I wanted to say thank you, for you know, uh… helping me out after the whole Kaidan thing… I know it must have been weird for you, but it was good to have you looking out for me." She cleared her throat, and looked down at her hands.

"Oh, umm, yeah. No problem Shep- Commander."

"Really Garrus, we are so far past Commander at this point."

"Yeah, you have a point. It was fine Shepard, anytime."

He hummed a little, and she studied him. "Garrus? What does the humming mean? I don't know if I just didn't notice it before, but you seem to be doing it more than you used to."

His face froze, and Shepard swore if Turians could blush, he would be bright red. _What the hell?_

"It's…well it's a form of communication used with other Turians… another way we communicate. I am so comfortable around you now; I guess I don't realise I am doing it."

"Oh, that's kind of cool. I wish I could understand it."

"No! No Shepard! It uh, really doesn't mean anything important, just like 'hey how are you' kind stuff." He said hurriedly.

 _Okay then._ She raised an eyebrow at him.

He was wringing his hands, and Shepard wondered why he was suddenly so nervous. _He must have figured out I'm here to ask him about what happened on Omega finally._

"Listen Garrus, I'm sorry I didn't come down to talk about this sooner. I know something happened on Omega, and I really think it's time we talked about it. I've been a little wrapped up in my own world after waking up, and this whole thing with working with Cerberus kind of sent me spinning. But I think I am past the worst of it now, and I want to be here for you, and the rest of the team."

"Please Shepard. It's not like I can judge you about Cerberus, not when I got my whole squad killed."

He seemed almost shocked that he had let the words slip out, but Shepard was just glad the door was open.

"How did you end up fighting mercenaries on Omega?"

Garrus shifted, leaning one of his hips against the console beside him. It seemed her timing was good, and he was ready to get it off his chest.

"I went back to C-sec after you… after the Normandy was destroyed. But with all the rebuilding at the Citadel, there was too much chaos for me to really help. Omega was filled with criminals nobody else could touch, and there was no red tape to slow me down. It was a perfect fit."

Shepard could just see it. She had always rather fancied being a Vigilante herself, but then she found a family in the Alliance; or she thought she had, and she had been too entrenched in the lifestyle to go rogue.

Garrus met her eyes. "The people on Omega needed someone to believe in. Someone to stand up to the local thugs."

"Well that explains how you started, but how'd you get a group?" She hopped up onto the little bench beside the console, tucking one of her legs underneath herself.

"Not to different from how you formed your squad to deal with Saren, actually. You prove that you get things done, and people join up. Mercs who wanted to atone. Security consultants tired of playing by the rules. I gave them hope."

Garrus' voice went quiet. "And now they're dead. Shows what I know."

Shepard knew how he felt. She had lost people too; Elysium, Virmire, Mindoir…the Normandy. So she knew what he needed now wasn't pity, but someone to talk to about them.

"What were they like? Tell me about them?"

"There were 12 of us, including me. Former military operatives, C-sec agents, the usual. Had a Salarian explosives expert. Pretty sure he'd spent some time in the Special Task's group. Mordin reminds me a little of him. My tech expert was Batarian, believe it or not. Not the friendliest guy, but he could hack any system ever built."

"What did your merc squad do? You're not the type to be available for hire, Garrus."

He snorted. "You saw Omega. It was full of thugs kicking the helpless. I formed my team to kick back. We weren't mercenaries. At least, nobody was paying us."

Garrus pushed away from the console, and started pacing back and forth, like a big cat. "We made money by taking down slavers, pirates, or gangs that went too far."

Shepard cocked an eyebrow up at him from where she was sitting. "Doesn't sound like you made any friends with the gangs."

A hint of the old cockiness came back into his tone. "I got three separate merc bands to work together to take me down. My manger at C-sec would be impressed."

She laughed.

He paused in front of her. "It was simple. We'd hit their shipments, disrupt activities. Get under their skin and make them angry. They'd come charging right into our well-prepared kill zone. Crossfire and snipers, clean and surgical. They never stood a chance."

A chill ran up Shepard's spine. _Jesus, that is dark._ Something had happened to Garrus after the Normandy went down. Two years ago he hadn't been so full of hate. He hadn't been so hard.

"Sounds like you weren't much different than a thug."

"Then I am saying it wrong. We didn't shake anyone down. No civilian casualties. That was our rule."

Shepard remembered saying almost the same thing to him right after they had met on the Citadel. Always protect the innocent, and never take the fast choice over the right choice.

Garrus seemed to be thinking along the same lines, because he paused his pacing again, and stepped a little bit closer to Shepard.

"Every member of my team had lost someone to Omega's gangs. And I had just lost a very dear friend and comrade." She reached over and squeezed his hand, smiling a little when he squeezed back carefully.

"We weren't out to get rich. We were out to make those bastards think twice before murdering someone in the street."

"How did the mercenary gangs take down your team?" It was asked gently, but pain still tore through Garrus' face.

He leaned next to her on the bench, his head bowed. "It was my own damn fault. One of my people betrayed me. A Turian named Sidonis." He spat the name, and pushed away from the bench, stalking towards the door. Shepard uncurled, and followed him.

"He drew me away just before the mercs attacked my squad, and then he disappeared. Everyone except me is dead, because of him. Because I didn't see it coming."

His back was to her, his shoulder's ridged with tension.

"Garrus, what happened exactly?"

He didn't turn. "Sidonis asked for my help on a job. When I got to the meeting point no one was there. By the time I got back to out hideout, the mercs had killed all but two of our squad. And those two didn't last long."

Her heart squeezed for him. "Oh Garrus… Are you sure it was a betrayal? Maybe they took Sidonis out first?"

He whirled. The anguish on his face was awful. "No. I've put feelers out with some old contacts. He booked transport off Omega just before the attack. He also cleared out his private accounts before he left. He sold me out and ran."

The anguish was gone, replaced by an ugly black anger that didn't suit him. Garrus was practically boiling over with rage, and Shepard remembered the elevator. It wasn't good for Garrus to be so overwrought.

She put a hand on his arm. "Do you know where Sidonis is now?"

He was still, breathing through his nose, and looking at her hand on his arm. He raised his eyes from her hand to hers. "No. His trail vanishes after he leaves Omega. But I'll keep hunting. I lost my whole team to Sidonis. One day I'll find him… and correct that."

His voice was like ice. Shepard reached out, and put her other hand on his other arm. "Garrus…I know what this is like, to want to hunt down and kill the one who has wronged you so badly, but I promise you; killing Sidonis won't make the pain go away, and will only hurt you more in the end."

He growled, a low rumble deep in his chest. "Thanks for coming by Shepard, but there are a few things I really need to do."

It stung a little for him to try and dismiss her so abruptly, and it must have shown on her face because he sighed, and covered one of her hands in his large one.

"No Shepard, really. It was…good to talk about them. I am glad I did, but Sidonis… He can't just walk away and live his life after what he did. He lost the right when his actions killed 10 other people."

His blue eyes bored into hers, and she felt a ripple of … _something_ slip through her belly at the hatred in his eyes.

"Alright Garrus, I'll get EDI to take a look for him ok."

His eyes closed, and he let out a breath in a whoosh. "Thank you Shepard, for everything."

She pulled her hand out from beneath his, giving him a little smile over her shoulder as she paused in the doorway.

"You're welcome, Garrus."

She headed for her cabin, ready to turn in for the night. It had been an intense day. The fallout of dealing with what had happened on Horizon. The meeting with the Illusive Prick. The conversation with Garrus, and the darkness that she worried would consume him…It had been a roller coaster of emotions and she was exhausted.

She was determined not to dwell on things. For now, there was nothing to be done about her and Kaidan. She could try and get a letter to him, explaining her side, but there was no guarantee that he would even read it. She would have to wait until after this suicide mission through the Omega 4 relay, and then try to knock some sense into the mule headed man.

They were headed to Illium to recruit Thane Krios, an assassin, and she needed to be fresh for tomorrow. As she moved down the steps towards the bed, a flicker by her private terminal caught her eye.

Very slowly, she backed up and moved towards the silver frame by her Star of Terra. As she approached it, a picture of Kaidan flashed to life in the frame. It was just his face and shoulders, but he had a soft smile on his face. The smile he used to have just for her, when they thought no one was looking.

She sank into the chair and just stared. There was a flashing light on her terminal, letting her know she had a message. She dimly remembered Kelly Chambers telling her she had new messages earlier when she had been going to talk to Joker.

Her hands trembled a little as she signed on, and saw the two messages. One was from Doctor Chakwas, and the other was heavily encrypted.

She opened Karin's first.

 ** _Jane,_**

 ** _I know what happened on Horizon was awful, but I also know how much he means to you._**

 ** _I had EDI run a search and she found this photo. It was taken right after you, he and Garrus were released from the hospital after the Battle of the Citadel._**

 ** _EDI also found something else. It seems Kaidan tried to send a letter to you yesterday, but didn't know where to send it. He tried to send it to your old Alliance account, but EDI intercepted it, and sent it along to you._**

 ** _I hope it helps,_**

 ** _Karen_**

Shepard's eyes were glued to the second file. With trembling fingers, she reached towards the keys, then stopped, hesitating over the command button.

What if he was telling her he never wanted to see her again? What if it was a letter saying he met someone else. _What if it wasn't?_

She pushed the button, and then saw it wasn't a letter, but an audio file.

His voice, the voice she knew so well she heard it in her dreams flowed over her like silk.

 ** _Shepard._**

 ** _I'm sorry for what I said back on Horizon. I spent two years pulling myself together after you went down with the Normandy. It took me a long time to get over my guilt for surviving and move on. I finally let my friends talk me into going on a date with a doctor on the Citadel. Nothing serious, but trying to let myself have a life again, you know?_**

 ** _Then I saw you, and everything pulled hard to port. You were standing in front of me, but you were with Cerberus. I guess I am trying to say, I don't really know who either of us are anymore. Do you even remember that night before Ilos? That night meant everything to me…maybe it meant as much to you. But a lot has changed these last two years, and I can't just put that aside._**

 ** _But please, be careful. I've watched too many people close to me die – on Eden Prime, on Virmire, on Horizon… on the Normandy._**

 ** _I… I couldn't bear it if I lost you again. Especially not after what happened on Horizon. If you're still the woman I remember, I know you'll find a way to stop these Collector attacks. I know that's what your doing, even if I don't understand who your doing it with._**

 ** _But watch yourself with Cerberus, please. They are too dangerous to be trusted._**

 ** _When things settle down a little, maybe we could…well, I don't know._**

 ** _Just take care of yourself Jane. Please._**

 ** _Kaidan._**

The recording stopped, but Shepard just sat there, as still as a statue. Tears rolled down her cheeks, but they weren't the same as the ones that morning.

This time, she was crying because he had reached out to her. Despite all his misgivings about Cerberus, he still cared enough to try and get a message to her.

This time, she was crying because she once again felt hope.


	24. Chapter 24

**Authors Note: Some new additions to the team this chapter, and a run in with an old friend :)**

 **Hope you all enjoy, and anyone who feels like leaving a review, it has been great getting those little nuggets of feedback, especially since I have been sucked deep into fallout 4 and it had been hard to get back into the writing game!**

 **Enjoy, and thanks again to my fabulous Beta, Ka'Dira Ezra...who is now known as Sister Magpie!**

Chapter Twenty-Four

Shepard stepped onto the docking bay of Nos Astra on Illium and paused, taking a moment to look around. The view was awesome, towering sky scrapers reaching up towards purple skies. There were curving walkways and gardens everywhere. It was a truly beautiful planet.

As Shepard stood there, leaning her forearms on the rail just taking it all in, she thought of earth. Thinking of earth invariably led to thoughts of Kaidan. Thoughts of Kaidan led to a throbbing ache that she never seemed to be able to stop. Now that a few days had passed since Horizon, she was able to look back on the events there and see things differently. It still tore her up, how he had acted, what he had said, but she could see things from his point of view as well.

Kaidan had thought she was dead. Dead and gone and never coming back. Then, just as he is moving on, there are rumors of her running around the galaxy with one of the Alliance's hated enemies. If their places were reversed, she honestly didn't know if she could have dropped everything and taken off after him had he asked. She liked to think that she would have, that her love was stronger than her suspicion's may have been, but she just didn't know.

She had made her rounds that morning before they docked on Illium, and a few of the crew had asked her about Kaidan. She supposed that when you come onto the ship a wreck of a human, being led around by a seven-foot-tall Turian like a child it raises some concerns.

The ones that hadn't asked her about him, like Jacob, had brought away their own issues from Horizon. Jacob had mentioned that for him, Horizon had really brought home the fact that they were essentially on a suicide mission. The Omega Four relay was a big bad beast that no one had ever returned from, so why would they be any different? He, and several other crew members mentioned that they were going to be tying up loose ends. Getting prepared in case the worse came to pass.

Which, along with recruiting a master assassin and an Asari Justicar, led them to Illium. Liara T'Soni was here. Shepard was feeling a bit apprehensive about meeting with their young Prothean expert again. Seeing Garrus had turned out wonderfully, barring the rocket to the face. He had immediately jumped on board after hearing that she really was her, and she was only using Cerberus for their resources. Tali and Kaidan had been another story.

"Jesus Christ would you look at this fucking place!"

With a sigh, Shepard pushed off the railing and turned to face Jack, who was being trailed by Garrus. She and the young biotic had gotten off to a rocky start, but Shepard was being persistent in trying to build a friendship with the foul mouthed girl.

"It is pretty spectacular."

The trio turned to head into Illium. They hadn't made it far when an Asari, accompanied by two armed mechs approached them. Jack was instantly tense beside her, and Shepard felt the sting of the girls biotics dance across her skin. Jack didn't flare visually, but Shepard could still feel when a biotic was prepared. Jack's harsh sting was so unlike the warm tingling of Kaidan's along her skin, it was hard to miss.

"Welcome to Nos Astra, Commander Shepard. We've been instructed to waive all docking and administration fees for your visit. My name is Careena. If you need any information about the area, it would be my pleasure to assist you."

Shepard cocked an eyebrow at the Asari. "Who instructed you to waive the fees?"

Careena bowed her head slightly, a gesture of deep respect. "The order came from Liara T'Soni, who paid all fees on your behalf. She also asked that I direct you to speak with her at your convenience. She is near the trading floor."

Shepard thanked Careena and dismissed her, turning to Garrus. "Well, it would seem Liara has moved up in the world."

He flared a mandible out at her in a cheeky grin, and they continued towards the trading floor. EDI messaged her that Liara would be the best person to ask about more information on the Assassin and the Justicar, so it reinforced Shepard's desire to see her old companion straight away.

As they wandered towards Liara's office, Shepard noticed there were a lot of Asari and a surprising amount of Volus moving around. She turned to mention this to Garrus, and noticed him looking out over the vista in front of them, a strange expression on his face.

She moved up beside him, placing a hand on his arm. He started slightly, then looked down at her.

"We were always told that Illium is one of the safest places in the Galaxy… until you fell of the grid. Sign the wrong contract, join up with the wrong company, or walk down the wrong alley and it's just as dangerous as anywhere else. Don't let this place fool you; it's as dangerous here as on Omega."

His voice was hard, and she knew he was thinking of Omega, and the loss of his team. She squeezed his arm, and he rumbled deep in his chest, his gaze still locked on hers.

"Jesus, get a fucking room you losers."

Jack was standing behind them, glaring at anyone who got within six feet of her. With a sigh, and an apologetic glance at Garrus, who seemed to be uncharacteristically flustered at her comment, Shepard led them towards Liara's office.

A smarmy Asari called Nyxeris was sitting at a desk in front of the office. She instantly rubbed Shepard the wrong way. Her voice was smooth and…greasy. Like she was pandering to them, or treating them like slightly stupid children. Shepard dismissed her and moved into the office.

Liara was facing away from them, wearing a long gown in the Asari style. She was finishing a conversation with someone via Holo, so Shepard paused in the doorway to let her finish.

"Have you faced an Asari commando unit before? Few humans have. I'll make it simple. Either you pay me, or I flay you alive. With my mind."

Shepard and Garrus looked at each other in shock. What they had just heard was a far cry from the sheltered, naïve young Asari they had known. Shepard could remember very well that last time she had heard someone be threatened with an Asari commando unit. The last time, she was the one receiving the threat, and Liara's mother, Matriarch Benezia was uttering it.

Jack smirked and said quietly "Finally. At least _this_ bitch has some balls."

She cleared her throat and Liara spun, disconnecting the call.

"Shepard! Nyxeris hold my calls."

Liara moved quickly to Shepard, pulling her into a tight hug. "Ahhh…Shepard." She whispered.

Liara pulled back slightly, her piercing blue eyes taking in every aspect of Shepard's face. "My sources said you were alive, but I never believed… It's very good to see you."

Shepard cocked an eyebrow at her, sinking into a hip and crossing her arms over her chest. "You have sources now?" She teased.

Liara smiled sheepishly. "A few. Sources, contacts, even a little hired muscle. I've been working as an information broker. It's paid the bills since you…" Her head bowed, and she closed her eyes for a moment before catching Shepards gaze again. "…Well, for the last two years. And now you're back, gunning for the Collectors with Cerberus."

 _Well we are well informed, aren't we?_

"If you know that, then you know I could use your help. Why don't you come with me Liara?"

Quicker than thought, Liara's face went blank. Her shutters came down, leaving a mask over her usually expressive face. _Huh. That's new._ Liara's reaction put Shepard slightly on guard.

"I can't Shepard. I'm sorry. I have commitments here. Things I need to take care of."

Shepard was disappointed that Liara couldn't join them, but was more interested in what Liara may have gotten herself into that she was so serious about not being able to step away.

"What kind of things do you need to take care of? Are you in trouble?"

Liara was fidgety at this new line of conversation, and started pacing. Now Shepard was really starting wonder just what exactly their Prothean expert had been up to in her new role as an information broker.

"No, no trouble. But it's been a long two years. I had things to do while you were gone. I have debts to repay."

Liara's head bowed, and she turned back to Shepard, a hint of the young Asari Shepard remembered in her gaze.

"Listen, if you want to help, I need someone with hacking expertise…someone I can trust."

Shepard raised an eyebrow at her. "Umm, Liara? You remember who I am right? Hacking expertise? Me? I always had Kaidan or Tali to help me with that."

Garrus stepped forward. "I have learned some things over the last two years, Shepard. What do you need help with Liara?"

Liara smiled at him gratefully. "Garrus, I am sorry. I was so wrapped up in Shepard I didn't greet you properly."

He rumbled a chuckle at her. "It's okay Liara, I worked with you remember? I am used to your focus being on Shepard."

She blushed, then cleared her throat. "If you could disable some key security points around Illium, you could get me information I need. That would truly help me a great deal."

Something wasn't quite adding up. If Liara was an information broker, she would have all kinds of tech available to her with the skills to do this. _Why does she need me?_

"What's this all about Liara? Can't you just talk to me?"

Liara's blue eyes turned pleading. "Don't you think I want to Shepard? This isn't because I don't trust you. This is Illium. Anything I say is probably being recorded."

Shepard caught Garrus' eye, and he gave her a small nod.

"Okay Liara. If it will help you, we'll take care of it."

Jack finally stepped forward. "Look, sorry to bust up this fucking long lost reunion or whatever, but aren't we here for some fucking assassin and crazy Asari bitch?"

Liara's eyes went wide with shock at Jack's less than pleasant interruption. Shepard sighed. She really would have to have a word with the biotic about manners.

"Liara, this is Jack. She is a member of my crew. She had a…unique upbringing."

The tattooed woman gave her the finger.

"She is also correct, however. We are looking for information about Thane Krios, an Assassin Cerberus thinks is here on Illium, and an Asari Justicar called Samara."

Liara gave Jack a weak smile, and proceeded to tell them everything she knew about Thane and Samara. It turned out she knew quite a lot, and they now had specific directions on where to go to get the rest of the information on the two potential recruits.

With a hug, and a promise to come back and see her again before leaving Illium, Shepard, Jack and Garrus headed out to track down Thane Krios.

00oo00oo00

Shepard looked at the Eclipse Merc standing in front of her. He had his back turned towards her and was standing in front of a huge plate glass window. The view was amazing, and there was about a 30 story drop to the ground below. She, Garrus, and Jack had gone to get the information on Nassana Dantius, and upon discovering she had a veritable army of mercenaries spread throughout the Dantius towers, she had sent Jack back to the ship, and brought Grunt along with her and Garrus.

The three of them had battled their way over the last hour or so to get to where they were now, and there had been very little sign of the assassin Thane Krios as they went. He had shot a few mercs to protect some Salarian workers, locking them in a small room to protect them from harm.

This had pleasantly surprised Shepard, as she had assumed the Assassin would be concerned only with his target. The fact that he was looking out for civilians was a good sign. It was also the only chance the workers had, as the mercenaries like the one with his back to her now, were gunning down everyone in sight. Unarmed, innocent civilians were being slaughtered for no reason other than they happened to be there to shoot at.

"We don't need any reinforcements. I'll take care it it. It's under control, I'll go down there myself."

Shepard decided she didn't have all day to wait for this guy to notice them, so she spoke up, pulling her pistol out and pointing it at him.

"Turn around very slowly."

To his credit he didn't immediately go for his gun. To his detriment, he was extremely cocky.

"Damn it."

"Have you seen the Assassin?"

He folded his arms belligerently. "Why are you looking for him? You're not one of Nassana's mercs."

Shepard had no love for Mercs, especially when they were responsible for murdering innocent civilians. When Garrus stepped up beside her and she saw the bandage covering his massively scarred face, she remembered the mercs on Omega, doing everything in their power to kill him. She didn't have the time or inclination to have a pissing contest with him.

"Listen pal. You've got two ways down. Express or coach. Your choice."

She advanced towards him, her face like stone. He backed away, but his tone was full of insolence as he replied.

"Look. Even if I knew where he was, I wouldn't tell you."

She leaned in close to him, beckoning him closer with one finger.

"Not the answer I was looking for douche bag. Once more. Where's the Assassin?"

"I've got nothing more to say to you bitch. If you shoot me, my teams right through there"

He pointed to a door across the room.

Quicker than a snake Shepard planted her left foot and kicked him hard in the chest with her right. With a crash he smashed through the window and plummeted screaming to the street below. She stepped up to the broken glass and looked down, her face expressionless.

"Spirits Shepard! What the hell was that?" Garrus' voice was shocked.

"Oh! Me next Shepard, me next!" Grunt was excited, looking wildly around for a merc to appear so he too could kick someone out of a window.

Shepard pinched the bridge of her nose. "Look Garrus, he wasn't going to tell us anything, and if we had left him alone he would have just called his goons out here and we would have killed him in the firefight anyway. It's not like he was a pure hearted vigilante. He and his team have been gunning down civilians this whole time. Besides, look how happy Grunt is."

"Shepard…It just isn't like you." Garrus looked worried.

"Well Garrus, maybe being dead for two years, and having your boyfriend call you a lying hag changes a person." She spun on her heel, and headed deeper into the tower in search of Thane Krios, ignoring Garrus' soft curse behind her.

The battled their way through another couple waves of mercs, and helped a couple of Salarian workers that Krios had locked up for safety. There were about to move up to the next level when Shepard heard a voice coming from a comm box near the ramp.

"Where is everyone? Will somebody please give me a report!"

With a grin, Shepard activated the comm. Nassana Dantius' voice came over the comm, relief evident in her tone. "It's about time. What's going on down there?"

"I'm afraid your men aren't able to respond Nassana."

"Damn it!" Nassana cursed, cutting off the comm.

Grunt chuckled and they moved up, straight into another group of mercs. It took them just over half an hour to get through the bands of mercenaries they kept encountering, and to fight their way along a scary ass bridge connecting the two towers, but they were finally in front of Nassana Dantius' office. There was still no sign of Krios, and Shepard was starting to worry they had scared him off. Their approach hadn't exactly been subtle so far.

The door hissed open and Nassana whirled around, the three armed guards in the room with her aiming their guns at Shepard. Nassana raised her arm, telling them to hold fire, and sneered at Shepard.

"Before you kill me, just tell me who hired you."

"Who do you think it was?" Shepard asked sarcastically.

Her face twisted into an ugly expression, and Nassana pointed a finger at Shepards chest. "Screw you!"

"Charming." Shepard smirked.

The two women held their stare for a moment longer, then Nassana threw up her hands. "Kill me then! I'm not playing your stupid games. You made it this far. Now what?"

"You really think I am here to kill you?"

The Asari began to pace. "Do you have another reason for destroying my tower? Decimating my security?"

Shepard buffed an hand on her shoulder. "It was fun? And I'm looking for somebody."

Grunt guffawed behind her. Garrus shot him an exasperated look.

"You expect me to believe that? Is it credits? Is that what you want? Just tell me your price, and we can make this problem go away."

Shepard face palmed. _God, she really doesn't get it._ There was a scuffling noise in the vent overhead. _Ahh, the mysterious Krios is here then._ Garrus inched closer, his grip on his rifle tightening.

"All the credits in the world won't make this problem go away, Nassana."

Shepard took a step back, and crossed her arms over her chest. Then she just waited, and let Nassana rant at her. She wanted to see what this Krios could do.

"Who the hell gave you the right to play god? I may not be perfect, but look at you. We both kill people for money, what's the difference!"

Despite her intentions to keep quiet, that jab had Shepard hissing a reply. "You kill people because you think they're beneath you; they're in your way! I kill people when they leave me no choice."

Garrus made a small coughing noise that sounded suspiciously like 'window'.

She shot him a look, and he instantly started studying the wall opposite her.

Nassana sneered at her. "You've got a choice. You don't have to do this. I can-"

She stopped suddenly and looked around as the guards in the room started pointing their guns around wildly, looking all around the room.

"What?" She snapped at the Asari guard closest to her.

"I heard something…"

With a suspicious glance as Shepard, she ordered the guards to check to other entrances. She stepped in front of her massive desk, and turned to face Shepard fully. It was a mistake.

Silently, Thane Krios dropped from a vent in to roof to land behind her.

It was like watching Wallace move through the training program, but on fast forward. Krios moved silently and quickly. It was like watching a dance. A dance of death.

Within seconds he had snapped the first human guards neck, then with a straight fingered jab crushed the other's windpipe. The Asari had barely begun to raise her weapon when he shot her point blank in the face with his silenced pistol.

Nassana was still in the process of spinning around to see what the hell was happening when he grabbed the back of her neck to pull he in close to him and angled his pistol against her ribs, shooting her through the heart. In the span of 15 seconds he had killed four people with incredible dexterity and grace.

The room rang with silence, as he lowered Nassana to lay on the desk. He crossed her arms over her chest, then stepped back, holstering his pistol and bowing his head. His hands were clasped in front of his chest, in a symbol almost universally recognized as prayer.

 _Huh. Well I wasn't expecting that._

Grunt's mouth was hanging open with shock. He kept looking from the vent to the dead bodies scattered around the room, as though he couldn't quite make sense of what had just happened.

Garrus was looking at the Assassin with undisguised admiration. "Impressive. You certainly know how to make an entrance." His dual toned voice was ringing with awe.

 _Indeed._ Shepard studied Krios. He was a Drell. She had never met one in person before. He was covered in fine scales, subtle ridges flowing from his temples to the back of his head. His face was a beautiful green, like the colour of a lime, with darker scales around he edges of his face, and a cluster like a diamond in his forehead of jet black. His throat was a deep red, like fine wine.

She took a few steps closer to him. She didn't want to disturb him, but with the amount of dead mercs scattered throughout the towers, she didn't exactly want to just hang about until the authorities showed up either.

"I was hoping to talk to you." She said it softly, but he opened his eyes and shot her a glance briefly before closing them again.

"I apologise, but prayers for the wicked must not be forsaken."

His voice was dual toned, like Garrus' but rougher. It rumbled through his chest, and sent a strange feeling through her. Like she could _feel_ him speak as well as hear. After everything Nassana had done, the murdered workers, the scheming and cheating, Shepard couldn't understand why he would pray for her.

"Do you really think she deserves it?"

At this, Krios looked up at her. "Not for her, for me." His eyes were like dark pools of the deepest green, almost black. When he looked into her eyes she felt a bit of a shiver, so fast she almost thought she imagined it. His gaze was so focused…so intense.

He moved slowly, silent and graceful even now, as he moved around the desk towards her. "The measure of an individual can be difficult to discern by actions alone. Take you, for instance. All this destruction…chaos. I was curious to see how far you'd go to find me."

He was in front of her now, and Shepard could feel Garrus tense beside her, his hands were firm on his gun, but it wasn't pointed at the assassin. Not yet.

"Well, here I am." There was a kind of coiled energy coming off of Krios. Like a snake coiled to strike, but waiting to see how close the enemy would come. It was like he was evaluating her. His head was tilted slightly to the side as he studied her.

Garrus made that strange hum, and Krios looked at him curiously before returning his intense eyes to Shepard.

"I do want to talk to you…but how did you know I was here, that it was you I was looking for?"

He smiled just a little at her, then began to walk again, slowly circling her as he answered. "Gunfire and explosions. I prefer to work quietly. If I have to fight through guards, I've made a mistake. I rarely make mistakes."

He paused in front of Grunt, who fidgeted nervously. Seeing the big Krogan fidgeting showed something very important to Shepard. If the Drell was making Grunt and Garrus nervous, he was _extremely_ dangerous.

Krios clasped his hands behind his back, still facing Grunt. "You disrupted my plan, but your distraction eventually proved valuable."

Shepard had seen and heard enough. This Drell wold be a huge asset to her. For all her strengths, stealth was just not her game. She needed someone who could do more than blast their way into battle.

"Let's cut to the chase. I need you for a mission."

He raised an eye ridge at her. "Indeed?"

"You're familiar with the Collectors?"

He shifted, moving past her look look out the window at the view. "By reputation."

"They are abducting entire Human colonies. Freedom's progress was their handiwork."

He bowed his head, as though in contemplation. "I see."

Shepard couldn't get a read on him, and it was flustering her. "We are going after them."

At this he pivoted on his heel back to face her. "Attacking the Collectors would require passing through the Omega Four relay. No ship has ever returned from doing so."

At this, she grinned at him. "They told me it was impossible to get to Ilos too."

He inclined his head at her. "A fair point. You've built a career on performing the impossible."

She moved up so she was standing right next to him, waving Garrus back when he moved to follow her. Thane's piercing eyes locked onto hers.

"This was to be my last job. I'm dying."

Shock swept through Shepard.

"Low survival odds don't concern me. The abduction of your colonists does."

"You're dying? Are you contagious? How long do you have?" As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she wanted to call them back. _Are you contagious?_ God she was such an ass sometimes!

Thane just looked at her, unoffended. "If you're interested we can discuss it on your ship. The problem isn't contagious, and it wont affect my work."

"I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do?" She said it softly, but without pity. Pity wasn't something that seemed to fit the man in front of her.

Thane smiled at her. "Giving me this opportunity is enough. The universe is a dark place. I am trying to make it brighter before I die. Many innocents died today. I wasn't fast enough, and they suffered. I must atone for that."

He reached his hand out towards her, he had five fingers like her, but the middle two were fused. She grasped his hand, it was warm, and the scales were soft against her skin.

"I will work for you Shepard. No charge."

After a moment, he released her hand, and stepped back. She cleared her throat, and gave him the directions to the ship. He said he would meet her there in an hour, then he bowed and left silently. Shepard kept her eyes on his back until he was out of sight.

Garrus was looking at her, an odd expression on his face when she turned around. She smiled at him, then with a sigh turned to Grunt, who was bemoaning the fact that he was starving after all the killing, and wanted to find a place with noodles. She chuckled and put her arm through the huge Krogans, promising him they would grab some noodles to go on the way back to the ship.

00oo00oo00

Shepard was in the Comm room, chatting with Jacob about the latest upgrades to the SR-2 when Thane arrived. He inclined his head to her, but before she could speak up to welcome him to the team, Jacob cut across her.

"I've heard impressive stories, Krios. Sounds like you'll be an asset to the team. That is, if you're comfortable having an Assassin watch your back, Shepard."

Jacobs voice was ugly, and Shepard was shocked at his hostility. He was usually so even tempered.

Thane just cocked an eye ridge at him, then looked calmly at Shepard.

"I've accepted a contract. My arm is Shepard's."

Once again, Jacob cut across her before she could speak. "Uh-huh. Don't know about you, but I'm loyal to more than my next paycheck."

"Obviously he is too Jacob. He is doing this mission gratis. What's your concern?" Shepard's voice was cool, and if Jacob had known her better, he would have shut up instantly.

Jacob sneered across the table at Thane. "I don't like mercenaries. An Assassin is just a precise mercenary."

Thane clasped his hands behind his back, straitening his shoulders. "An Assassin is a weapon. A weapon doesn't choose to kill. The one who wields it does." He turned to face Shepard, dismissing Jacob Taylor as though he were insignificant, and unworthy of his further attention.

"Where shall I put my things? I'd prefer someplace dry, if anything is available."

Shepard was glowering at Jacob; she would have to have a little chat with him. If he thought he could just verbally attack members of her team he had another thing coming.

EDI spoke up, in answer to Thane's question. "The area near the life support plant on the crew deck tends to be slightly more arid than the rest of the ship."

Thane looked around the room, then back at Shepard with a smile. "Ah. An AI?" At her nod, he inclined he head towards to glowing orb that represented EDI. "My thanks."

He bowed to Shepard, then spun and silently left the room.

"He seems quite civil." EDI said in her lilting voice. Shepard bit back a smile. If she didn't know better, she could swear that the the AI had just taken a dig at Jacob.

Speaking of Jacob, she turned to face him, her commander mask sliding over her face. "We need all the help we can get. He's not what I expected in an Assassin. He may surprise you Jacob."

The biotic scoffed. "Yeah. And he may not."

"Excuse me, Jacob. I believe I am in charge of recruitment here, let's not forget the little fact that you are willingly working for Cerberus. Not with them, but for them. A pro human terrorist organization responsible for atrocious acts of violence and cruelty. I know, I know, you and Miranda keep saying that those were other cells of the company, but still."

She stepped close to him and got right in his face. "If you ever talk over me like that in front of members of my team, I will blow your Cerberus ass out of the airlock so fast you wont have time to say 'assassin'. You got me?"

He gave her a curt nod. His effort to stay silent straining his face.

"Good. Now get the hell out of my sight."

He turned and left, heading back towards the armoury. She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration. _Fucking Cerberus._

She headed up to the bridge to talk to Joker. She wanted to let him know they would be staying on Illium for a couple days. They still had to deal with helping Liara, and finding the Asari Justicar. Joker could work with Kelly and they could make sure they were well provisioned for when they left.

She came up behind him, but he must have heard her because he spun his chair round to face her as she approached.

"Oh, another dangerous alien aboard, Commander. Thanks. Why can't you collect coins, or commemorative plates or something?"

She laughed. "Oh Joker, where's the fun in that?"

"Right, fun. Because it's such a laugh to have someone who can kill you eight different ways with one finger sneaking around on the ship." The pilot grumbled.

"Well, I am sure if you keep quiet, and try not to piss him off with your smart mouth, you'll have nothing to worry about."

"Hah! Not bloody likely…wait."

"Too late Joker, too late." She smirked at him. "Listen we are going to be here for a few days, so work with Kelly and figure out what we need for supplies ok? I am going to do rounds and make sure our new teammate is settling in ok."

"Yeah, yeah. Have fun."

He spun back around, already messaging Chambers to meet him for a chat.

Shepard went down to the crew quarters, planning on having a more in depth chat with Krios, and finding out more about their enigmatic new team member, when Miranda burst out of her office and made a beeline straight for her. Shepard was shocked to see the usually perfectly put together operative looking positively disheveled.

"Commander! Umm, can we… can I see you in my office. Please?"

For a moment, Shepard hesitated. To say she and Miranda didn't get along would be saying things nicely, but something really did seem to be bothering Miranda. She scowled, but nodded. Joker would never let her hear the end of this. He was always accusing her of having a 'saving people' complex. _Saved your ass though didn't I? Hypocrite._

Shepard followed Miranda into her office, and stood patiently while the other woman fidgeting and twisted her hands together nervously.

"C'mon Miranda. Just spit it out already."

"Oh, Ok. You remember what I told you about my Father? Building a dynasty?"

Shepard nodded at her, remembering their previous conversation about Miranda's 'perfect' engineering.

"Well…There was another reason I went to Cerberus for protection. I have a sister. A twin. And he, my Father, is still hunting her. Cerberus has kept her safe. Until now."

Miranda's head was bowed, and Shepard could see the worry and anger in her eyes.

"Miranda. When we spoke before, you never told me. How old were you when you ran away from home and went to Cerberus for help?"

"I was fifteen."

Fifteen. _A year younger than me when the slavers attacked Mindoir._ As much as she hated Cerberus, and what they stood for, a crack appeared in Shepard's armour as she thought of a fifteen-year-old Miranda. So desperate to get away from an over controlling, micromanaging father that she would go somewhere like Cerberus to protect her. _What else did her father do to her? His 'perfect' little girl._ The thought was like ice down her back, and she pushed it away, focusing again on the distraught woman before her.

"My sister. She is living a normal life… here on Illium. She is safe, and hidden from my father."

"So you think your father has tracked her down?"

Relief flooded Miranda's features as she realised Shepard was going to listen to her.

"Precisely Commander. My sources indicate that he knows she is here. I've tried to keep her hidden, without impacting her life, but I'm out of options. He is too close. I need to relocate my sister's family before it's too late."

"What do you need me to do." It was a statement, not a question. Shepard would help. Relief flooded Miranda's face.

"My Father is extremely persistent. I would like us to help Cerberus move her family so none of my father's agents can get too close. My contacts name is Lanteia. She'll be waiting for us in the lounge near the Trading floor."

Shepard nodded, and was going to turn to leave when a thought struck her. "Miranda… Why exactly did Cerberus agree to help a fifteen-year-old girl hide her sister, and run away from home? Just what did you have to give him?"

Miranda looked away, no longer meeting Shepard's eyes. "I gave him the only thing I had. Myself. I was trained to be the best of the best. His eyes and ears on the ground. I was created to be a perfect weapon, and I am his weapon until I am no longer useful, or I am dead."

Miranda's voice was flat, and it sent a chill up Shepard's back. This conversation changed things. She could no longer think of Miranda Lawson as the Illusive Man's toady. She could only see her now as his prisoner. Conditioned from a young age to believe that he was the only one that could help her and her sister. That he was her only hope.

Well, not anymore. Now she had others to help her, even if she didn't know it yet. For all her faults, there was one thing about Miranda that Shepard couldn't let go off. She was a member of Shepard's team. And now that Shepard knew the truth about Miranda and Cerberus there was only one thing to be done.

Miranda would have to been shown the Truth about the Illusive Man. Miranda would have to be set free.


	25. Chapter 25

**Author's Note: Well Guys, the team has been through a lot, so I feel like it is about time for a girls night...and some more drunken Shepard antic's No?**

 **Our favourite Quarian returns!**

 **Enjoy, and thank you to Sister Magpie, my awesome Beta.**

 **As always, your reviews keep me going.**

 **Thank you to frxlz for following! It really means a lot to know you are enjoying this enough to follow!**

Chapter Twenty-Five

Shepard collapsed onto her bunk in exhaustion. The past 18 hours had been an absolute nightmare. Everything that could go wrong did. After recruiting Thane and listening to Miranda's story about her sister, Shepard had taken Garrus and they had dealt with the terminals for Liara, then she and Garrus had grabbed Jack and went back out to recruit Samara, the Justicar.

To say it had turned into a complete shit show would be putting it lightly.

It had started with a murder investigation, which the Justicar was somehow a part of. Then, because of her 'code' the Justicar had to go with the cops, which left Shepard hunting for the information to track down the crazed killer the Justicar was tracking. Which led to a firefight with a bunch of Eclipse mercs.

Oh and let's not forget the stoned Volus who thought he was a biotic god. He had threatened Shepard with his "god-like biotic skills' to which Garrus sniggered uncontrollably, so Shepard had to put him in his place. She had tapped him on the shoulder, and he had promptly fallen over and staggered off in search of a place to nap.

 _Speaking of stoned_. Shepard groaned and rubbed her throbbing temples. There had been canisters of this drug 'Minagen X3' all around the compound she had been fighting through. The bitch Asari that she had been fighting kept shooting them when Shepard was next to them, and for a while there, she had been high as a kite. When Jack had gone through a cloud of the stuff, she had pulled off biotic feats that Shepard had never even imagined.

Jack was currently passed out in the Med Bay, where Chakwas could keep an eye on her. All the intense use of her biotics had almost cooked the tiny tattooed woman's brain. For all that it had given Jack intense, albeit short-lived powers, all it had given Shepard was yet another near death experience, and a massive headache.

The worst part of the whole experience hadn't even been the drugs or the gunfight with the mercs. It had been right before they hit their final stop where they had to take out a gunship.

Shepard's heart raced as she remembered how Garrus has frozen when it had risen up in front of the balcony he had been standing on. Thankfully, she had been close enough to tackle him, and knock him behind a cement pillar into cover before the gunship unloaded on them. His strangled, panicked breathing still rang in her ears. He had shaken it off after a minute or so, and rejoined the battle to take it down, but Shepard had been terrified that he would just stand there, frozen, and be gunned down.

She resolved to go and have a chat with him…just as soon as she managed to get a couple hours of sleep.

She felt like her eyes had been closed for seconds, when a determined beeping pulled her from her napping. Groaning, she brought her omni-tool up to her face to see what the hell was happening now. She was shocked to see she had been out for almost 4 hours.

A beeping light showed a priority message from the Illusive Man. It contained another Dossier. Shepard grinned to herself as she replayed her last conversation with the man in her head. Guess he didn't feel like having a little chat this time, so just sent it along electronically. _Fine by me._

When she opened the Dossier, she sat upright in her bed quickly in shock.

Tali. He was sending her to go get Tali. She leapt out of bed and dragged on her fatigues. The data pad clutched in her hand, she raced down to the bridge to give Joker the new co-ordinates. She burst onto the bridge, barely registering that the door was closed.

The door was never closed…she should have taken it as a sign.

Her ears were assaulted with music that sounded like 'bow chicka wow-wow' and lusty moaning and grunting. With an unholy shriek she dropped the data pad and clamped her hands over her eyes, although she wasn't quite fast enough and got an eyeful of tangled limbs…limbs that were definitely not all human.

"Joker! Seriously! What the fuck are you doing?"

"Commander! Oh my god. Oh my god! What are you doing here?"

"Turn it off, turn it off now!" Shepard's voice was dangerously close to shrill.

With a click, ringing silence filled the bridge. Shepard peeked through her fingers and let out a sigh of relief when the normal Normandy's systems appeared in the cracks of her fingers. She lowered her hands, and pivoted slowly until she was glowering at her pilot.

"Look Shepa-"

"Never. And I do mean _never_ , will you ever watch that…that…whatever the hell that was in _here_ again. Come on, Joker. This is the bridge. Of a warship."

Joker fidgeted and looked down at his hands guiltily. "Yes Ma'am"

"I mean it Moreau. Never, ever again do I want to be subjected to that…that…I mean really. Human, Asari and Turian porn?"

"There was a Salarian too but-"

"Never mind!" Her hands waved frantically. "We will never speak of this again. I need you to set a course for Haestrom. We are going to get Tali."

She bent to pick up the data pad she dropped in her haste to shield herself from the horror she had witnessed. As she straightened, a glimmer of light caught her eye. _Oh god no._

"EDI?" She asked tentatively.

The orb popped fully into sight, next to Joker's elbow. "Yes Commander?" The pilot jumped in shock.

The same thought she was thinking appeared to have dawned on Joker as well, if the horror blooming in his face was anything to go by.

"Were you here, observing this…what ever this was, the whole time?"

"Yes Commander. I thought it would be good to gather as much information about organic mating rituals as possible. Mr. Moreau is not usually so diverse in his vids. I thought the interspecies aspect was worth further study."

If a hole opened up in the Normandy ( _again_ ) Shepard was sure Joker would dive willingly into space. For a brief moment, Shepard thought about cutting the pilot a break. Then she remembered the assault on her senses after waking up from a lovely nap.

"EDI, this was not the type of mating ritual you should be observing. Mr. Moreau is going to explain to you the proper way humans show their affection. Ask him any questions you have on the subject."

"Thank you Commander." EDI's voice almost sounded…excited.

"Shepard no! You wouldn't…"

With a little wave and an evil grin, Shepard left the bridge and headed for Miranda's office to tell her that they would head back to Illium ASAP to help move her sister. She hoped her XO would understand that this had to be done first.

00oo00oo00

Haestrom was quite literally, hot as hell. She had been planning on bringing Garrus with her, but when she went to the battery to tell him about Tali, there had been a noticeable tremor in his hands, and a look on his face that told her that he had most definitely _not_ gotten any sleep.

Despite his protests, she decided to leave him aboard, and grabbed Thane and Miranda. Miranda had been a little peeved that they were leaving Illium without taking care of her business, so Shepard though she was a good choice to bring, as it would keep her mind off other things.

Shepard brought Thane along as she wanted to test him out, and see how the usually solitary assassin did in a team setting. He was exceeding her expectations at every turn. The Drell was almost as good a shot with his sniper rifle as Garrus, though she would never tell the Turian so. He moved with ruthless and silent efficiency. She was very impressed.

She had the team stick to the shadows, because if they were in the direct sun for any length of time, their shields would begin to fry and they would burn up. Darting around they took out a few waves of Geth, and headed towards the next section of the compound. There was a dead Quarian laying in their path, and for a moment Shepard's heart lurched. It was a male however, and she quickly grabbed his radio.

"This is squad leader Kal'Reegar, come in, over."

"This is Commander Shepard of the Normandy. I passed a lot of dead Quarians on my way in. You're the first survivors I've found."

"Damn! Wait…Shepard? The Spectre Tali worked with? Don't know why you're here, but right now, any organic is a welcome sight. Patch your radio into channel 617 Theta. We were on a stealth mission. High Risk. We found what we were after, but the Geth found us."

Shepard looked around and got nods from Thane and Miranda as they patched into the radio feed.

"They've got us pinned down. Can't get to our ship, can't transmit data through the Solar Radiation."

"What's the status of your team? How many of you are left?"

"We were a small squad. A dozen marines, plus the science team. We are down to half strength now. Made the synthetic bastards pay for it though."

"What's your current location?"

"We're bunkered down at base camp across the valley. I left Tali'Zorah at a secure shelter then doubled back to hold the choke point. Getting Tali out safely is our top priority. If you can extract her, we will keep them off you."

Shepard could see some of the Quarians now, they were hunkered down behind concrete barricades north of her position.

"Hold position. We'll hit their back ranks."

There was roar, and Reegar shouted into the comm. "Wait! Watch your ass! We've got a dropship coming in!"

There was a hum, and then a Geth ship loomed into sight directly above the Quarians in Shepard's line of sight. She instinctively started forward, only to have her arm caught in an iron grip as Thane grabbed her. The ship fired upon the Quarians, killing them and causing a massive concrete pillar to fall directly in front of the door she needed to get to. She cursed savagely as the waste of life, and the frustrating inability to do anything to help them

Reegar informed her that there were demo charges in the building nearby, and that she would have to use them to get through the pillar. Thane released her, and they moved towards the first set of charges.

It was long and gruelling fight. Wave after wave of the synthetics poured from everywhere, including Geth Hunters. Hunters had the tech to cloak, rendering them virtually invisible, and extremely dangerous. Thankfully, Thane was also incredibly dangerous. He seemed to know exactly where to shoot to drop the cloaks so she and Miranda could finish them off.

One of the monsters managed to get right on top of Shepard, and dealt her a bruising blow that knocked her backwards into a massive metal crate. With a flash of blue, the hunter was thrown into the open, then shot through the head.

Shocked, Shepard turned to Thane. She had had no idea the Drell was a biotic. Judging from the look on Miranda's face, she hadn't known either.

Assassin one. Illusive Man zero.

Thane nodded his head at her, and she grinned back, then moved out to grab the explosives. After some intense back and forth fighting they managed to get all the explosives strewn throughout the compound and blow the pillar. The three of them burst into the blessedly cool room and Shepard leaned against the wall in relief.

It was with no small amount of satisfaction that she saw the usually perfectly coiffed Miranda was filthy and sweating. The brunette's hair was covered in sweat and plastered to her head, and her face was red with sunburn. The skin tight body suit was apparently not moisture wicking. Shepard took off her helmet and set it down pointedly beside her as she sucked back an energy gel. Miranda looked at her, taking in the fact that Shepard was sweaty, but unburnt, and then sniffed and took a pull from her water bottle.

"Krios. Here, take a gel. They are dextro/levo, so you should be good."

He snatched the gel she tossed at him out of the air, and just looked from it to her, a thoughtful expression on his face.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

He blinked with his inner lids, his dark eyes trained on her face. "I am just unused to having someone look out for me, Commander."

"Well, I guess you'll have to get used to it then. I look after everybody."

"Yeah. She's a regular mother hen" Miranda snorted.

Shepard scowled at her, then returned her attention to Thane.

"I can't help but notice Krios… the heat doesn't seem to be bothering you at all…If anything you seem to be enjoying it."

Now that she said it, Shepard noticed that Thane was practically gleaming. The green and black scales swirling on his face and were noticeably brighter.

"Ah. Yes. My people hail from a desert climate originally Commander. My body reacts…favorably to the heat."

"Must be nice" Miranda muttered, tucking the small mirror she had produced back into a pocket on her lower back.

Before Shepard could reply, a voice crackled over a terminal in the room.

"Hello? Is anyone there?"

Shepard pushed off the wall, and headed towards the terminal. As she approached, a holo of Tali popped up.

"Tali, it's Shepard. I'm sorry. Everyone here is dead. Any survivors must have fallen back."

Tali's head bowed. "We knew this mission was high risk. Damn it. What are you doing here Shepard? We're in the middle of Geth space!"

Shepard grinned at her former team mate. "I was in the neighborhood. I thought you might need a hand."

Tali chuckled. "Thanks for coming Shepard. It means a lot to hear your voice. Kal'Reegar and what's left of the marines got me into the observatory. From where you are, It's through the door and across the field. I got the data I needed, and I'm safe for now, but I've got a lot of Geth outside."

Miranda moved to the door, and shook her head when she discovered it was firmly secured, and she couldn't get it open.

"Somebody's sealed the door against the geth, and the console is damaged. Can you get it open on your end?"

Tali head bobbed as she looked around for something on her end. "Let me see… Yes, I can do it. Here. Should be unlocked now."

With a click, the lock turned green.

"Be careful Shepard. And please, do what you can to keep Reegar alive."

Shepard nodded and Tali cut out. The three of them moved to the door, weapons raised to face whatever may be on the other side. Flying drones. That is what was on the other side. They were wicked fast, and deadly accurate. Shepard took four shots to the chest as soon as she cleared the door, and her shields fizzled. Once again Thane was there, grabbing her arm and hauling her backwards into cover.

As soon as she was clear, he moved away and found a spot to take the drones out with the sniper rifle. The worked as a team, Miranda overloaded them, and Shepard and Thane took them out. Exhibiting significantly more caution, Shepard moved father into the field. She was about halfway to the other side, when another wave of flying drones appeared, accompanied by a Geth Prime.

Primes were big, red and mean. And they shot rockets. She gritted her teeth as said rocket exploded into the container she was crouching behind.

"Anytime now Miranda!" She shouted, waiting for the Cerberus Operative to overload the thing so its shields would drop.

Thane continued to take out the drones with precise shots from cover. With a shout, Miranda dropped it's shields. Shepard stepped fully out of cover and with a roar unloaded her assault rifle into the prime. It shuddered but didn't go down, then with a flash of blue, it's shields were back up, and it leveled a rocket at Shepard.

She dove, having no choice but to roll into the open, where the sun immediately took out her own shields. She rolled again, desperate to get into the shade. She was still to far. The prime rained shots down on her, and she screamed for Miranda to overload it again. With a flash it's shields dropped and Shepard unloaded her rifle into it again, ignoring to blistering pain as the sun tried to cook her alive.

It exploded in a fiery blast and knocked her on her ass. She rolled into the shade, then hissed as she assessed the damage on herself. She punched the command into her suit to inject her with pain meds and medi-gel. Her gauntlets had gotten so hot, the skin beneath them had blistered, the same with the skin on her thighs.

She remembered the attack from the Klixen. She had told Kaidan about it, what felt like forever ago in the bar with Wallace. This was a lot like that. And although the monster burn scar she had gotten from the Klixen had been removed when Cerberus had brought her back, judging by the pain radiating through her limbs, it was going to be replaced with some new ones.

With a grunt, she pushed herself up, and they moved through to the far end of the compound, taking out the last of the drones as they went. It was with a sigh of relief that they stumbled into a dim room, fully enclosed away from the harsh sun. Shepard punched another command into her suit for pain meds, ignoring the safety warning.

Her blistered skin was chafing against her under suit, and she could feel the blisters bursting, causing a harsh sting as the watery fluid trickled along her burned flesh. Miranda moved up next to her and sucked in a breath as she saw the scorched gauntlets.

"Jesus Shepard, are you alright? I need to look at that, let me get more light."

"No Miranda, don't worry-"

It was too late. The Australian hit a button to open the shutters on the room and let in some light. Unfortunately, with the shutters open, they were in perfect sight of the enormous Geth Colossus squatting across the compound.

"Down!"

Shepard grabbed Miranda and threw her to the ground. Thane landed with a thump beside them as the monster machine unleashed a brutal assault on the room. Hissing at the pain it caused her, Shepard urged the others on, and they belly crawled their way to the edge of the room, until they were out of its line of sight.

They peeked around the edge of the wall, and with no small amount of relief Shepard caught sight of red suited Quarian, hunkered down behind a massive concrete barricade. The bodies of what was left of the other Quarian marines were strewn around him.

He caught sight of them. "Over here! Get to cover!"

She scuttled towards him, and planted herself beside him. "Squad leader Kal'Reegar, Migrant Fleet Marines. We talked on the radio before the dropship arrived. I still have no idea why you're here, but this ain't the time to be picky!"

There was a massive explosion as the Colossus fired a rocket at them, and they were all showered in dust.

"Tali's inside over there." He nodded his head across the compound, directly where the Colossus was.

 _Figures._

"The Geth killed the rest of my squad, and they are trying to get to her. Best I've been able to do is draw their attention."

He went on to explain how the Colossus had a repair protocol. It could huddle up and fix itself. He had tried to move in close to it, so he could have a clear shot while it was down like that, but one of the Geth had managed to get a shot at him. He had a suit puncture and for a Quarian, a suit puncture was incredibly dangerous. Life on the Flotilla left them extremely vulnerable to disease and infection. Reegar would need immediate medical care if he was going to be ok. He was adamant that he wanted to keep fighting, and he refused to be taken out by an infection in the middle of a firefight. He told her his plan.

"Look, I might not be moving so well, but I've got a rocket launcher that the sun hasn't fried yet. You move in close. I'll keep the Colossus busy, maybe even drop its shields. With luck, you'll be able to finish it off."

"You've done enough Reegar. You don't need to throw your life away."

The Quarian shook his helmeted face at her. "Wasn't asking your permission. My job is to keep Tali safe. This is our best shot."

She made eye contact with Thane, who was crouched behind Reegar. Wordlessly, he gave her a tiny nod.

Reegar stood up, to return fire, and Shepard was on him in an instant, Thane spinning away from the wall to take her position and lay cover fire. She pushed Reegar back into cover behind the concrete wall.

"We don't have enough people on our side for you to take one for the team! Stand down!"

It was the voice she had used on marine's and Admirals alike. The Quarian squad leader was not so easily cowed however.

"I'm not gonna stand there while you run into enemy fire! They killed my whole squad!"

 _Ahh. Survivor's guilt._ Shepard had been in his position. He would have to deal with it when they got off this hellish planet. Shepard would make sure he got the chance.

"If you want to honor your squad, watch my back! I need you here in case they bring reinforcements."

They glared at each other for a few moments longer. Then with a grunt, Reegar relaxed slightly.

"All right, Shepard. We will do it your way. Hit them good for me. Keelah se'lai"

She squeezed him arm in reassurance. She peeked her head out of cover, and managed to get a quick lay of the land before a geth saw her helmet and peppered her cover with shots. She checked her weapons, and punched another command for pain killers into her suit. Her arms were on fire, and it was making her grip on her assault rifle weak. She overrode the security protocol, and felt the stims and pain killers rush into her system.

She told Thane to stay here with Reegar and lay cover fire for her and Miranda until they cleared the path closer to the Colossus so he could move up. With a curt nod, and a concerned look at the blood trickling out from beneath her scorched gauntlet's, he moved into position.

"Shepard…" Miranda too had seen the blood.

"There's nothing to be done about it now. Move out."

The two women moved into the field, laying a path of devastation through the synthetics. The battle was brutal. Between the sun frying their shields and the massive amounts of Geth pouring into the compound, they made their way what felt like an inch at a time. When they finally made it to the Colossus, Shepard had decided upon a plan of action.

With a cry, Miranda overloaded it. Its shields didn't go down completely, but were weakened. Shepard screamed into the radio and Reegar blasted it with the last of his rockets. Praying to any gods that might be listening, Shepard rolled out of cover and ran up to the Colossus, unloading her shotgun into the wiring exposed by the connection of it's legs to its body.

It began to shudder, and smoke. She started to turn, to try and get clear before it blew. She made it a couple steps before something heavy crashed into her. At first she thought it had exploded, sending shrapnel into her exposed back. Seconds later there was an enormous boom, and it did explode. She was facedown on the concrete, with a weight across her back, behind a large metal crate. The weight lifted and she rolled, looking up into the face of Thane Krios.

Once again, the quick thinking Drell had managed to save her ass. He crouched next to her, perched on the balls of his feet like he had all the time in the world. He checked their surroundings, and apparently satisfied with what he saw, stood. He reached a strong hand down to her, and she reached up and grasped it as he pulled her to her feet.

"Krios, after today I owe you a beer. Or whatever you preferred drink is."

He cocked his head at her, and allowed a ghost of a smile to play across his lips. "Commander. If this is how all your missions go, I feel like we will share many beverages in the future."

She laughed, a full belly laugh. One of the first since Horizon. She liked this enigmatic Drell. Still chuckling, she moved up to the door, where with any luck at all, Tali was waiting. Miranda got the door open, and they moved inside. Tali was typing frantically away on a terminal, absorbed in uploading whatever data it was the Quarians had come here to find.

As Shepard moved up beside her, and laid her hand softly on her former teammates stiff shoulder, Tali finally said softly "Thank you Shepard. If not for you, I would never have made it out of this room."

Tali' shoulder's slumped, and she stepped away from the Terminal and gave Shepard a quick hug.

"This while mission has been a disaster. I wish I had joined you back on Freedom's Progress, But I couldn't let anyone take my place on something this risky."

"A lot of Quarians lost their lives here. Was it worth it?"

Tali hung her head. "I don't know Shepard. It wasn't my call. The Admiralty board believed the information here was worth sacrificing all of our lives for. I have to belief that they know what is best."

"Tali. I didn't ask what some Admirals thought. I asked what you thought."

"A lot of people died here. Some of them were my friends. All of them were good at their jobs. That damn data better be worth it. The price was too high."

Tali's voice was bitter. For all that Shepard felt for the young Quarian, she was impressed at how grown up she was. It was impressive for someone so young to be in charge of such important missions. Shepard worried what that meant for bringing Tali back on board the Normandy.

"Whatever the reason Tali, I am glad I could help. Once you deliver the data, I could use your help on the Normandy."

"I promised to see this mission through. I did. I can leave with you and send the data to the fleet from the Normandy. If the Admirals have a problem with it, they can go to hell. I just watched the rest of my team die."

They turned to leave, and Shepard was surprised to see Reegar stagger through the doorway.

"Maybe not the whole rest of your team Ma'am." He wheezed.

"Reegar! You made it!"

"Your old Captain is as good as you said. Damn Colossus never stood a chance."

Shepard stepped forward and shook Reegar's hand. "If need be, the Normandy can get you out of here Reegar."

"The Geth didn't damage our ship. Long as we get out of here before reinforcements show up, we'll be fine."

Tali wrung her hangs together, and stepped closer to the marine. "Actually I wont be going with you Reegar. I'm re-joining Commander Shepard."

"Oh. Ok Tali. I'll uh pass the data to the Admiralty board and let them know what happened."

He and Tali shook hands, and Shepard couldn't help but notice that they clasped each others hands for a little longer than necessary.

She bit back a grin as Reegar said. "She's all your now Shepard. Keep her safe."

00oo00oo00

One they were back on the Normandy, Shepard and Tali hid themselves away in the drive core and had a good long chat to catch up. Shepard hadn't realised how much she missed having the young Quarian around to talk with. She had had a couple chats with Jack and Miranda, but it wasn't the same as it had been with Tali and Liara.

Garrus was probably the best friend she had, or ever would have if she was honest about it, but it still wasn't the same as having a girl friend. She told Tali all abut waking up in the Cerberus lab, finding Garrus, the various other missions she had gone on to build a team. Then she told her about Horizon.

"He said _what_!" Tali gasped.

Shepard hung her head. "Yeah, well I guess if he had died and come back from the dead, while working for a terrorist organization I would have been a little shaken too."

"That Bosh'tet! I cannot believe him! Oh Keelah Shepard, how horrible for you."

Shepard tried to put on a brave face, to tell Tali that it was alright and she understood, but when she opened her mouth everything else she was feeling came pouring out.

"God Tali, it was awful. He looked at me like I was scum. Like I was nothing to him. He just…walked away."

The Quarian scooted closer to her and put her hand on Shepard's knee. Shepard sniffed and gave her a watery smile.

"Then he sent me a message. He basically said that he was confused and thrown for a loop when I just showed up. He said… He said he had just started dating again and now all these feelings caused by seeing me again… God Tali, he sounded so torn up about it all. I wanted to hate him. But I can't. He is still Kaidan. The man I fell completely in love with over the last year. Well, three years I guess."

"Oh Shepard." Tali leaned into her side and they just sat in silence.

Suddenly Shepard started to laugh. "God Tali, you should have seen Garrus. He was so mad, I thought he was going to strangle Kaidan. And he was so worried. I really scared him when we got back from Horizon. I felt like I was sleepwalking, everything was just numb and blurry. Dr. Chakwas said that he had to lead me back onto the ship like a little kid, while holding my hand."

"Wow Shepard. I really can't picture that. You are always so strong. You have everything together. Even after Virmire and Ash… You just straightened your shoulders and made sure everyone else was ok."

"Well, even I have bad days I guess. I am just glad Garrus was there. If he hadn't been… I don't know. I wasn't being myself."

Tali nodded, then looked over at her with her helmet tilted in what could only be described as speculative.

"You said Cerberus went all out with this 'new Normandy' right?"

Shepard was confused. "Yeah. Everything is top of the line. You should have heard Joker when he saw the leather pilots chair. He squealed, actually squealed with joy."

"Sooo, that means there's a bar right?"

"Yes Tali, yes there is." With a wicked grin, Shepard added "I'm gonna go gather the ladies… we are gonna have a girl's night."

Laughing, Tali and Shepard stood and headed out into the mess. Shepard sent a message to Miranda, Jack and Gabby, telling them to meet in Port Observation. Garrus was in the Battery with the door open, so she left Tali to gather up a few snacks and went to let the Turian know that he was in charge for the night cycle.

"Why Shepard? Is everything alright?" He flared his mandibles at her worriedly.

"Oh yeah Garrus, everything is fine. Me and the girls are going to head to Port Observation to have ourselves a party, so I need you to be me for the night m'kay."

His mouth dropped open in shock. "You and the girls…are going to have a party." He said it like a statement… a statement that made no sense to him.

"Yeah Garrus. A party. You remember what a party is like right? People drink, and tell stories and generally have a good time? We that's what we are going to do. Have a good time. We will have another one soon and invite the boys, but tonight is ladies night!"

She grinned at him, and he just smiled weakly back at her. "Ok then Shepard. I'll keep an eye on things out here. Have fun, and Shepard… Keep an eye on Jack ok?"

She burst out laughing. "Oh don't worry Garrus, I will."

00oo00oo00

Shepard roared with laughter while Tali just covered her mask with her hands and yelled "Stop Jack! I don't want to know anymore. Keelah, just stop!"

Jack was standing at the front of the room, gesturing lewdly and causing her drink to slosh wildly around the room.

"Blue I tell you! Blue as the drive core."

Tali moaned at the comparison to her beloved drive core.

Shepard was, as a rule, not a big drinker. There had definitely been moments over the years, especially with Wallace, but she didn't make a habit of getting drunk. The room was slightly blurry around the edges, and she was feeling warm and full of merriment. The night had started out with all of them sitting around somewhat awkwardly. Jack had been loudly bemoaning the fact that she was there and didn't 'want any part of some touchy-feely fucking girls night'. Gabby had been quiet and slightly intimidated by Jack and Shepard, and Tali had very quickly shown her tolerance for alcohol was low. Miranda had loftily refused to participate, stating that one of them had to keep their wits about them in case Garrus needed help, and retreated back to her room.

Shepard had decided to break the ice with a drinking game. Which had progressed very rapidly to her and Jack arm wrestling. Which had progressed to the four of them exchanging war stories, which had led to where they were now. Listening to a very loud, very scarring story of Jack, going into the bathroom on Omega to discover a very large, very aroused Turian having sex with a human.

Gabby piped up from where she was laying limply on a chair. "Bullshit Jack. There's no way their…things…are blue."

Jack staggered over to the chair and leaned down till she was in Gabby's face. "You calling me a liar?"

Shepard groaned and pushed herself to her feet, ignoring the alarming way the room spun wildly around her.

"Back off Jack. It does seem kind of crazy. There is an easy way to find out, though ladies."

At this Tali's peeked through her splayed fingers. "Hic-How?" Her tone was curious between the hiccups.

Jack came over to Shepard and swung her arm over her shoulders in a conspiratorial manner. "I gotcha Shep, I gotcha. You think he is still awake?"

Shepard blinked. "Who's awake?"

"Garrus. That's the plan right? Ask Garrus to tell us the truth."

Horror bloomed on Shepard's face."What? No! I mean we could look at a vid!"

She tried to scramble backwards away from Jack so quickly she hit an ottoman with the backs of her knees and came crashing to the floor with a shriek.

With the timing of someone truly unlucky, the door to Port Observation opened with a whoosh to reveal none other than the Turian in question. He stood framed in the doorway, taking in a slow scan of the room. His gaze skimmed over Gabby, now passed out in a chair across the room, to Tali, huddled on the couch still peeking through her fingers, to Jack standing weaving in the center of the room, finally resting on Shepard, flat on her back on the floor, her mouth hanging open like a fish.

"Speak of the fucking devil!" Jack crowed. "We have a question for you Gary!"

Garrus was still looking at Shepard. Wariness and confusion on his face.

Shepard started trying to scramble to her feet, which was hard as her legs were tangled up in the ottoman. Jack took a wobbly step towards Garrus and Shepard shrieked and grabbed her ankle, causing the tiny biotic to crash to the floor. Shepard scrambled to her feet, and propelled herself forward and latched onto Garrus' arm.

"Out Garrus. Out!"

"Shepard, what's going on? I heard you yell. What does Jack mean you have a question for me?"

Jack chimed back in from the floor just she Shepard hauled Garrus back to the door.

"We need to know what colour your-"

The door swished shut, cutting off the rest of her question.

"You know Garrus, it isn't important. At all. Let's never speak of it again, ok?"

Garrus was looking at her, confusion all over his face. She had a death grip on his arm, and she suddenly realised that if she let him go, there was a very good possibility she would fall on her ass.

"Umm, Garrus?"

He sighed, resignation on his face. "Yes Shepard?"

"Could you uh, walk me to my room?"

He finally seemed to understand. He leaned closer to her and sniffed her, then took in her hair, which was coming out of its braid, her flushed face, and the way she had a hold of his arm like a lifeline.

He started to chuckle, then blew into a full blown laugh. "Yeah Shepard. I'll help you to your room."

Shepard glowered at him. "Walk Garrus. I said walk me to my room, not help."

"Whatever you say Shepard."

They moved to the elevator and took it up to the loft. He helped her to the edge of the bed, which she sat on in relief. The room was spinning again, and she was feeling decidedly unwell. Garrus moved away, but didn't leave. He went into her washroom, then came back to the bed and handed her a glass of water.

"Drink it Shepard." His tone brokered no argument, so she just downed the water and handed the glass back to him.

He moved away again, and she bent over to unlace her boots. This wasn't the best of ideas, as hanging over the bed to unlace the boots caused her stomach to lurch unpleasantly. She groaned, and crawled onto the bed, ignoring her half laced boots.

Garrus returned to the bed, and set the now full again water glass on the night stand. She groaned, and snuggled into her pillow. She felt a tugging on her leg, and relaxed, allowing Garrus to pull her boots off for her.

"Thank you Garrus. You're the best." She mumbled.

He hummed, that deep hum from down in his chest he made sometimes.

"Garrus?"

"Yes Shepard?" He whispered.

"What does the hum mean? I know you told me, but I can't remember."

"It means I care Shepard. Are you going to be ok?" He sat on the edge of the bed. Shepard blearily noticed he wasn't in his armour. He was always in it, so it was odd to see him without.

"Garrus? Where's your armour?"

He looked down at himself as through just realising it wasn't there. "Oh, I finally started repairing the cracked shoulder plate. It needed to set."

She scooted closer to him, he was incredibly warm.

"Mmm. I like you without the armour. You look nice. You're very warm Garrus."

"Oh, uhh yeah. It's a Turian thing."

"That must be nice. I always feel cold, since coming back. Space is so cold Garrus." She shivered as the memory of the cold vacuum of space danced through her inebriated mind.

Garrus stood, and Shepard grabbed his hand. "Don't go yet."

He hummed again. "I am just grabbing a blanket Shepard."

He slipped his hand from hers, and returned with the blanket off the couch. He draped it over her, and she snuggled into it with a satisfied sigh.

"Garrus? Will you stay for a bit? Just until I fall asleep?" She peeked up at him from her blanket cocoon, feeling warm and safe, and terribly alone. She didn't want the memories of Kaidan to swamp her when he left. She wanted a night of peace from the memories.

He looked down on her, long seconds ticking by before he finally said. "Sure Shepard. I can stay for a bit."

He took off his boots, and swung his legs over the bed, leaning back against the head board.

"Thank you." She whispered, then curled into his side. He very gently let his arm drape across her back, and she sighed at the warmth now surrounding her. Sleep called to her, and it didn't take long for her to be right on the edge of the blissful abyss.

Just before she drifted off, she felt the soft touch of someone running their fingers through her hair, undoing her braid. She sighed, and snuggled closer, the soft hum under her ear lulling her into a deep, restful sleep.


	26. Chapter 26

**Author's Note:**

 **O.K Guys, this is a big chapter...But there is a lot accomplished by our team.**

 **I wont go into major detail, but to my guest reviewer for last chapter;**

 **This is a Shenko. Yes, there is something going on between Shepard and Garrus, but have faith in me... and Shepard. I hope you like what is going to develop over the next few chapters. I appreciate all feedback, even if it is critical.**

 **So I hope I don't disappoint you again, but the characters want what they want, so I will continue to write them as they want.**

 **Reviews are welcome, and I always drop a line back to say thank you!**

Chapter Twenty-Six

The two weeks after the girl's night practically flew by in a flurry of activity. The first thing Shepard had done was go back to Illium, and helped Miranda deal with her sister Oriana and her family's move. The brunette had opened up considerably since then, and Shepard was pleased to see that the Illusive Man's hold on the Australian was considerably lessened.

After dealing with Miranda's issue, they had headed back to the Citadel for a supply run, and picked up the last member of their crew. A master thief named Kasumi Goto. She was a tiny Japanese woman, close to the same age as Jack. Shepard liked her enormously, as she was witty and completely unashamed of her sticky fingered habit. She collected old books, real ones, and was very generous in sharing them. The three women had spent a few hours down in Jack's hidey-hole under engineering together, and the tiny biotic was finally opening up a bit with Shepard.

Well, she had opened up enough to tell Shepard about Pragia. Pragia was an old Cerberus facility where Jack had been held, and put through unspeakable tortures as a child. She had, in a way that only Jack could put it, requested that they 'blow the fucking place into fucking hell.' Once they got there and Shepard had seen the evidence first hand of exactly what Cerberus had done to the kids in that facility, she had passed Jack the detonator herself.

Once they got back to the ship, it had led to a tense moment with Miranda, who was at first resistant to believe her precious Cerberus capable of something like that. Thankfully, mostly due to Shepard's patience and willingness to throw herself in between the two fighting biotics, Jack and Miranda came to an understanding.

Miranda came to accept that Cerberus was darker, and capable of more than she had ever imagined. Jack came to accept that Shepard wouldn't let her kill Miranda, so she had to suck it up.

From Pragia, they had been on a merry journey around the Galaxy. Shepard helped Jacob find his long thought dead father, who was actually alive and an egotistical, woman abusing psycho, who Shepard had made sure was put away for the rest of his miserable life.

Zaeed had gone on an explosion filled bender of revenge trying to take down the current leader of the Blue Suns. Apparently the new leader Vido had shot Zaeed in the face and left him for dead, then took over the mercenary band that Zaeed had help found.

Zaeed was a founder of the Blue Suns. _The things I've learned._

Vido had gotten away. Mainly due to the fact the Zaeed had thought blowing up the factory Vido was in, while it was full of civilians, was the way to go. Shepard had forced him to see it from her perspective, while aiming at him with her assault rifle. They saved the civilians, and Vido has been left to be dealt with another time.

Then it had been off to Bekenstein to help Kasumi steal back her partners grey-box. The grey-box was essentially all of her former partner's memories. As Keiji had been Alliance at one point, Kasumi had revealed to Shepard that she was worried about the implications if this man, Donovan Hock was able to crack it. The mission had been…different.

For one, Shepard had had to wear a dress. For two, Shepard had had to pretend to be Allison Gunn, a notorious bad ass worthy of getting an invitation to Hock's little 'we are the best of the worst people in the galaxy' party. The only part of the whole mission that hadn't been different was when it all went to hell, and they had fought their way out past a veritable army of mechs, and yet another gunship. _Good thing Garrus stayed behind._

Once they were on the shuttle back to the Normandy, Kasumi revealed that the Grey-box was full of memories of her and Keiji together. They had been lovers, and when he had been killed, it had devastated Kasumi. She wanted the box so she could go in and relive the memories at will.

It was something that wrenched Shepard's heart. If she had a box that replayed all the happy memories she and Kaidan had, wouldn't she had gone to any length to get it back?

Keiji however, had other wishes. In the box he begged Kasumi to destroy the memories, both to protect their secrets, and to allow her to move on and not spend her years with a version of him that she could never again have. Shepard had advised her to destroy it, as he wished, but left the decision up to the tiny Japanese woman.

Kasumi had destroyed the box, and had been hiding in port observation crying for 2 days.

Shepard sat at a table in the mess and scowled into her tea. It was well into the night cycle and she had been alone with her musings about the past two weeks for quite some time. She pushed up from the table in a huff, finally deciding that if she couldn't sleep, she could at least try and slog through some paperwork. She had just straightened up when the door to life support opened, and Thane strode out.

He came right up to her, and stood at attention, his hands clamped behind his back.

"Thane? Is there something wrong?"

"Yes. Now that I am here in front of you though… It seems more difficult to talk about."

Shepard stayed silent. She and Thane had gotten to know each other quite a bit better over the last few weeks. As she frequently had trouble sleeping, and the assassin needed very little, they were often up in the mess having tea at the same time. They had had long discussions about Religion, the compact he had served in as a child, and family. Thane had been married, a little over 10 years ago, with a young son, Kolyat. Due to his profession, his family had become a target. His wife had been violently murdered while he was away on a job, that turned out to be a lure to get to her.

Thane had spent the last 10 years hunting down and murdering his wife's killers, leaving Kolyat in the care of an aunt. Shepard knew him well enough to know he would continue to speak when he was ready.

Thane took a deep breath, and then locked his eyes with hers. "You know that I left Kolyat in the care of his aunt, as I did not want him to follow in the footsteps of my life. I hoped he would find his own way, not share the path of sin."

Shepard nodded, and gestured towards the chairs at the table. He nodded absently and they sat next to each other.

"I used my contacts to trace Kolyat. He has become…disconnected. He does what his body wills."

"You'll have to explain that one to me Thane."

He rolled his shoulders and exhaled. It was the most agitated Shepard had ever seen him. The Drell was usually very calm and collected, the quirk of a corner of his mouth twitching into a smile some of the only emotion he showed normally.

"Disconnected. The body is not our true self, the soul is. Body and soul work as one, in a whole person. When the soul is weakened by despair or fear – when the body is ill or injured, the individual becomes disconnected. No longer whole."

It clicked in Shepards mind. Her zombie like trance after Horizon. The feeling that she wasn't really her anymore, like she was in a fog as Garrus led her through the ship.

"What is wrong with Kolyat? Is he hurt?"

Thane looked down, refusing to meet her eyes. "Something happened that should not have. He knows where I've been…What I've done."

 _Ahh. Finding out your dad is an assassin, and that's why your mom is dead…that'll do it._

"I don't know his reasons, but he has gone to the Citadel. He has taken a job as a hit man."

Thane's fist's were clenched tight on the top of the table. Shepard reached over and placed her hand on top of his. He sat stiffly for a moment, then twisted his hand under hers so he was holding hers tightly.

"I would like your help to stop him Shepard. He is – This is not a path he should walk."

"I'll get us to the Citadel as soon as possible."

His hand clenched hers tightly, and in the sudden rush of relief he must have felt, he slipped into a memory. His voice went hard, his eyes unfocused as he drowned in the memory.

" _They've wrapped her body in sea-vines. Weighted it with stones. He tries to pull away from me. Calls for her. The Hanar lift her off the platform. They sing like bells 'The fire has gone, to be kindled anew'. He begs them not to take her away. They let her body slide into the water. He hits me 'Don't let them take her away! Stop them! Why weren't you-'"_

Thane gasped as he pulled free of the memory, pain flashing across his face.

"I'm sorry Thane. I didn't mean to make you relive that."

He gave her a wan smile. "Perfect memory. It is sometimes a burden."

He raised her hand to his lips, and placed a soft kiss on her knuckles.

He stood. "Thank you siha, I will begin my preparations." He moved back into life support.

Shepard sat in the silence for a moment longer, staring at her knuckles. She loved Kaidan. She loved him more than anything. It didn't mean a thing, it was a kiss on the hand, a chivalrous gesture. Perhaps Drell showed appreciation, or thanks that way always.

 _What the hell does siha mean anyway?_

00oo00oo00

 _She smelled the same._ _That was his first thought. He lay on his side, with her curled into him, back to his chest. The 'little spoon' as she would laughingly say. He buried his nose in the hair on her nape and inhaled. Rosemary and Grapefruit._

 _She sighed in her sleep, and wiggled her butt closer to him. He chuckled softly and pulled her as close to him as he could get her, his arm banded around her like steel. His thumb traced circles the the soft skin of her inner arm._

 _She fit perfectly. He opened his eyes and studied her profile in the soft light of the bedroom. The sharply angled cheekbones contrasting with her long lashes, a dark smudge against her cheek. The curved bow of her lips, soft in sleep, but quirking slightly into a smile. She turned her head slightly and cracked one of her eyelids, mesmerizing green eye peeking at him mischievously as she wiggled her butt against him again._

" _Morning Kaidan." She murmured softly._

" _Morning Jane." He leaned forward, and kissed her gently when she twisted to face him._

 _He rested his forehead against hers for a moment and just held her. Ignoring the feeling that something was wrong, that something bad was going to happen._

" _What's wrong Kaidan?"_

" _I don't know… Something doesn't feel right." There was a gnawing feeling of dread settling into the pit of his stomach._

 _There was a horrible screech, and the wall of the bedroom was torn away revealing the terrifying void of space._

" _Shepard!" He screamed, grabbing onto her hand as she was sucked towards the jagged tear._

" _Kaidan! Help me!" Her face was terrified, and her hands were like a vise wrapped around his wrist. The void was pulling her, dragging them both along the bed slowly, like some horrifying version of quicksand._

" _I got you Jane. I'm not letting go." He muscles strained and popped as he tried to force her back towards him. Her legs and waist were off the bed now, held rigid by the force of the vacuum._

" _Why wont you help me Kaidan?" Her voice sounded weird, detached._

" _I'm trying Shepard. I wont let you go."_

 _She was off the bed now, her eyes locked onto his. Her face went through a kaleidoscope of emotions. Fear, anger, sadness. Then settled into resignation._

" _You already did."_

 _Her hand was torn from his grip and she was sucked through the hole in the wall instantly. For a moment he saw her, spinning into the void of space, then she was gone. She was gone._

"Shepard!" Kaidan gasped, sitting bolt upright in his bed.

He was drenched in cold sweat and his heart was racing. He looked wildly around his bedroom, but there was no hole, no space waiting to suffocate him. It looked exactly the same as it had last night, before he fell asleep. Bookshelf on one wall holding his old school books and a couple dusty trophies from high school. A photo of him and his parents when he got his promotion to Staff Lieutenant. A poster on the wall of his favorite band when he was 18.

But no Shepard.

"Fuck." He scrubbed a trembling hand over his face. It had felt so real. He had smelled her, felt the warmth of his skin against hers, felt the strength in her grip as she held his wrist to stop herself spinning away to her death.

In the month since Horizon he had dreamt of her, but never like this. Never where they had touched, talked. He swung his legs out of the bed, and cradled his face in his hands. He felt the burning behinds his eyes, and took a few deep breaths, willing the tears away.

There was no use in crying. He had fucked it up. He hadn't stepped up on The Normandy when she ordered him away, and he hadn't believed her on Horizon. It came down to him.

He was the reason she was gone.

He heard the tinkle of glass, and knew that his mother must be awake. He had arrived on Earth yesterday, and took a shuttle out to his parent's orchard a few hours from Vancouver. Hackett and Anderson had told him in no uncertain terms he was to take a few weeks leave.

He pushed off of the bed and headed for the shower. It had been over a year since the last time he was home, and he had gotten in late the night before. His mother would need to fuss over him, and he wanted her to have as little ammunition as possible.

After showering and brushing his teeth, he gave up on the unruly waves of damp hair falling over his forehead, and moved downstairs to the smell of bacon. His mother, Anna, was a small woman, with curly black hair persistently trying to escape the tidy bun she always wrangled it into. She had blue eyes that twinkled with humour from her round face.

She was at the stove, scrambling eggs when he stepped into the kitchen. She had gotten a little rounder since his last visit, and he was suddenly struck by how much he had missed her. He moved up next to her, and deftly snatched a piece of bacon from the pan near her elbow.

"Oh Kaidan! You should wait for your father!" She scolded him half heartedly, dumping the eggs into a large bowl.

"Hi Mom." Once her hands were free he pulled her into a hug, and was rewarded with the feel of her arms squeezing him back tightly.

"Goodness, let me look at you. I see you haven't let up on your training hmm? You need to eat more though honey, you don't look all that well. Are you feeling ok?"

He smiled wryly at her. "Yeah Mom, I feel fine. Just didn't sleep well, that's all. Wow, this looks amazing. I've missed fresh, home cooked meals. MRE's just don't get it done."

His mother sniffed disdainfully. "Why they can't take the time to feed you soldiers properly I will never understand. Why, when your father was in the Alliance he would come home looking just the same. Good food will make for better soldiers I would always tell him."

"And I would always answer that if we ate well while away, we wouldn't enjoy coming home nearly as much."

His father strode into the room, and kissed his mother on the cheek after winking at her. His father was tall, like him with brown hair and whiskey colored eyes like Kaidan's. He had stayed in shape after his retirement, and the farm work kept them both strong and busy.

"Oh Nathan! As if that were the only reason you liked coming home."

"Hmm, you're right… there were other reasons." He gave her bottom a quick pinch, and snagged a piece of bacon with his free hand as she sputtered at him with laughter.

Kaidan grinned as he watched them. Their light hearted, easy banter was what he grew up with, and was what he wanted for himself someday.

His father came over and clapped him on the back, leaning against the counter next to him.

"How are you doing kiddo? I heard that Horizon was pretty rough. Is it true what they say? That Commander Shepard was there?"

His mother's head snapped up sharply at his father's words, and before Kaidan had to answer she came to his rescue.

"Nathan! There will be no work talk at the breakfast table. Come on you two, let's eat and catch up."

As they ate breakfast, his mother kept the conversation on simple things. Who in the community was married, who had had children, how good the harvest was that year. General chit chat. His father grumbled about broken machinery, and the fact that the neighbor's cows had gotten out and trampled the squash field.

Once they were finished eating his father headed off to the shed to tinker on the broken harvester, while Kaidan's mother made a pot of tea and sat with Kaidan on the porch swing.

She handed him a steaming mug, and they sat in silence on the porch, listening to the birds and watching an industrious squirrel cram his mouth full of bird seed. Kaidan fidgeted a bit, then sighed and took a sip of his tea.

"Tell me." His mother said quietly.

"Mom…"

"Kaidan. When you told me about you and Jane those years ago, you know I was worried. She was your CO, you were both in a high stress situation, it seemed like there were too many obstacles. But the way you spoke about her, I knew she was more than a girlfriend to you, that you truly loved her. After she was killed, I remember what you were like. And I know you blamed yourself, even if there was no reason for it."

He snorted bitterly.

"Kaidan Alenko do not snort at your mother!" She scolded him furiously, not unlike the squirrel chattering ferociously at the small bird valiantly braving the feeder.

"Sorry Mom. But there was a reason for it, a reason to blame myself. She ordered me away. Ordered me to get to a pod. And I obeyed her and she died. Or… I thought she died"

"Ahh. So it is true then? You saw her on Horizon?"

He nodded, refusing to meet her probing gaze, and burying his face in his steaming tea.

"Why honey, I would think that is a good thing! I know you loved her very much, even if you refused to tell your father about the two of you. Why are you acting like she isn't back, like this isn't a good thing?"

Kaidan didn't know what to say. How do you admit to a parent who thinks the world of you, that you were a complete and utter asshole to the one person you love more than anything else?

"God Mom, it isn't that simple. She… She was there with Cerberus, that pro-humanity group. She isn't even with the Alliance anymore. She has been gone for two years!"

His mother turned and fixed him with an eye. It was the look she had used when he was younger and had done something she didn't approve of. He instantly felt small.

"So what? From everything you told me about her, and from all the vids and things she has done for us, for the galaxy, there must be a good reason for her to be working with a group like that. What did she say when you asked her about it?"

He cringed.

She stood up, and stood in front of him, a furious look on her face.

"Kaidan Alenko! Are you telling me that after two years, the woman you love, that you almost threw your life away for, comes back from the dead, and you refused to hear her side of things? Because of the uniform she was wearing?"

"Mom, she said she was in a coma or something, that she had just woken up. But she was fighting and strong… and she had a member of the old crew with her. It didn't add up. Why wouldn't she have called me first!"

As soon as the words were out of his mouth he wished he could call them back.

His mother drew herself up to her full height and stared at him in shock.

"That girl woke up after two years, after being spaced, and you refused to hear her out because of her uniform and because you were jealous that she didn't call you? My god Kaidan, I thought I raised you to be smarter than this! How many stories have I told you about soldiers waking up after traumas with memory loss? How do you even know what she went through? That woman almost died to save _you_ and all of the Citadel two years ago! What the hell were you thinking!?"

"I wasn't thinking alright! Anderson had stonewalled me! Wouldn't give me any information. She just showed up, out of nowhere with Garrus and a Cerberus ship. Then she tells me she just woke up and that the Alliance wouldn't help her, so she had to use Cerberus because they had the resources. I… I didn't believe her. I called her a liar and sent her away!"

Tears were pouring from his face, as he yelled. His mother sat back down on the swing beside him.

"Anderson told me after. He told me that he sent her away too, and that the Alliance _had_ refused to help her when they found out. Hackett staged the whole thing because he couldn't afford for me to leave and join her. She was telling the truth and I called her a traitor and a liar and sent her away."

He was sobbing now, unable to contain the wrenching pain that tore through him as Shepards face as he called her a traitor flashed through his mind.

His mother pulled him into a hug, and he buried his face in her neck like he had when he was small.

"I fucked it up Mom. Her face…god her face. She will never forgive me now. I had a second chance and I fucked it up bad."

She hushed him, and put her hands on his shoulders.

"Kaidan. I didn't raise an idiot. So you made a mistake, everybody does. What makes you a man is when you admit it and then fix it. So what are you going to do to fix it?"

She looked so stern, so formidable for such a tiny woman. He couldn't help but start to laugh.

"Jeez Mom. If you were an Admiral, our enemies wouldn't stand a chance."

She smiled back at him, holding back a laugh.

"Your father has said the same thing when I have had to lecture him. Kaidan… You don't know if it is truly broken unless you try to fix it. So try."

"I have…well I started. I sent her a message, trying to explain. Trying to tell her where my head was at. It didn't come through exactly how I wanted, but I tried. I don't even know if she will ever see it though. And now…"

"And now, what?"

"And now I know that she is going to try and go through the Omega four relay to go after the Collectors. Now I know she is on a suicide mission, and I may never get a chance to tell her to her face that I love her, and was a total ass."

His mother gripped his hand tight. "Oh honey, I'm sorry."

"Yeah. Thanks Mom."

"Well, you can't control what she is doing, but what can you control?"

"What do you mean?"

She looked at him in exasperation. "Honestly, you and your dad have the thickest skulls I have ever seen. You said the Alliance wrote her off, wouldn't help her right?"

"Yeah, said they couldn't spare the resources. They don't believe her about the Reapers, even after Sovereign practically wiped out the Council." His voice was bitter once again at the memory of them writing her off after the funeral.

"Well then. You need to make sure that that support is waiting for her when she gets back. If the Alliance is willing to step up and show that they can help, that they believe, she wont stay with Cerberus. Not if she is the woman I believe she is. That poor girl has been through more in her life than anyone should ever have to deal with. Mindoir, Elysium, the Citadel, getting blown up. And after all that having the only family she knows, and my idiot son turn their backs on her. You have to help her Kaidan, even if she doesn't know that you are doing it."

Kaidan looked at his mother in shock, once again blown away by her matter of fact approach. Blown away by the fact the he hadn't seen it himself. He had let himself wallow in his misery for a month, believing that he had lost the woman he loved for the second time.

He needed to rally the troops. Between himself, Anderson and Hackett they had to get the Alliance to see the truth, to see the Reaper threat. They had to get people to believe in Shepard again.

He leaned in and kissed his mother on the cheek. "Mom, you are a goddess! I need to go get Dad… get him to rally all his contacts."

He jumped to his feet, sending the squirrel running away in a flurry of angry screeching.

"Kaidan honey…Tell your dad. Tell him all of it. He might grumble about regs and make a fuss, but deep down he is a romantic. If he knows what this means for you, what she means to you… He will move heaven and earth to help."

"Thanks Mom. I love you."

"I love you too, honey"

He stepped of the porch and headed to the shed where he could hear his dad muttering and cursing about the broken harvester. His step was light, and he felt like he had purpose again.

00oo00oo00

Anna watched him walk away, her stubborn, handsome son. She wanted so badly for this to work out for him, but she knew above everything else, he needed a reason to fight. She only hoped that poor girl found a reason to fight as well.

If Nathan had spurned her, after everything they had been through together, and she was about to go out on a suicide mission to try and save the Galaxy…well, she didn't know how hard she would have fought to get back to a life that was in ruins. In her years as a combat nurse she had seen soldiers give up after losing loved ones, or getting news that their spouse back home was leaving them. She remembered seeing the lights die in their eyes.

She remembered seeing their names on the lists of the dead, because they no longer wanted to fight to survive.

She decided that she never wanted to read Commander Shepard's name on one of those lists again, and hoped that Kaidan had the strength to fight for her.

To give her a home to fight for.

00oo00oo00

Shepard left Thane at C-Sec to have a heart to heart with Kolyat. Commander Bailey, the C-Sec agent that had helped Shepard her first trip back to the Citadel, had helped them track Kolyat. She and Thane had moved through the Citadel, until they came across one of Thane's old contacts who gave them the name of the Turian Kolyat had taken the contract on.

They had stalked the Turian for almost an hour, before Kolyat made his move. Shepard had managed to get his gun away from him, and no one was harmed.

It had been awful to hear the young man tear into Thane about things he obviously didn't understand. It had been more awful for Thane to stand there and take it like he deserved it.

She had stepped forward and told Kolyat about Thane's illness, once his ranting was over and he was threatening to leave. Bailey had allowed them an interrogation room at C-Sec for privacy, so that is where Shepard left them, after convincing Bailey not to press charges against the young Drell.

The whole mission had taken barely three hours, so it was only lunch time. Shepard was looking forward to having a snack, then was going to see if Joker was up for watching an action vid with her.

She cleared the contamination chamber and stepped through to door, only to come face to chest with a wall of armoured Turian blocking her path.

"Spirits Shepard, I'm sorry I didn't see you."

She rubbed her nose gingerly, but it didn't appear to be damaged.

"It's fine Garrus, where are you off to in such a hurry?"

Now that she got a good look at him, there was something decidedly agitated about Garrus. He was almost growling, and his eyes…his eyes looked scary.

"You remember Sidonis. The one who betrayed my team? Well, I've found a lead on him. There's a specialist on the Citadel named Fade. He's an expert in helping people…disappear. Sidonis was seen with him."

There was a niggling feeling of worry in the back of Shepard's mind. She had never seen Garrus like this. He was so calm and collected usually. He was her rock, could be counted on to remain cool and have her six. To see him actually tremble with his rage, and hear the hate in his voice…it made her nervous.

"What are you planning to do when you find him Garrus?"

He hissed. "You Humans have a saying. 'An eye for an eye.' A life for a life. He owes me 10 lives. And I plan to collect."

"You sure that's how you want to play it?"

"I'm sure. I don't need you to agree with me Shepard. But I would like your help."

"O.K Garrus. Where do we find Fade?"

He grinned at her. Not a happy grin, but one of an apex predator. All pointy teeth, and narrowed eyes. She had never felt scared of Garrus before, but a small frisson of fear ran down her spine at the sight of that grin.

"I've arranged a meeting. We'll meet him in a warehouse by the neon markets, down on Zakera Ward."

"O.K. Let's go."

They were silent as the made their way to the warehouse. The tension coming off of Garrus was like prickles dancing along her skin. Every so often he would growl softly under his breath and mutter something her translator couldn't catch. She kept peeking sideways glances at him, getting more and more worried that he might not be able to keep a cool head about this.

They made it to the warehouse and Shepard was glad she had come armed when she saw the two armoured Krogan resting against a crate. She moved cautiously deeper into the room, and was shocked when a Volus stepped out from behind a crate and addressed them.

"Fade? You're… not quite how I imagined you."

"Looks can * **hiss*** be deceiving."

"So… Which of you * **hiss** * wants to disappear?"

Garrus stepped forward, his voice menacing. "I'd rather see you make someone re-appear."

The Volus took a small step backwards, towards his Krogan bodyguards at the look on Garrus' face.

"Ahh. * **hiss** * I'm afraid that is not * **hiss** * the service we provide."

"Make an exception. Just this once." Garrus pulled his pistol and leveled it at the Volus' face.

 _Holy fuck._

"Damn it! * **hiss** * Quick, shoot them you * **hiss** * Lumbering mountains!"

Shepard drew her pistol and pointed at the closest Krogan.

Garrus took a step forward and growled. "Why don't you tow find somewhere else to skulk."

The two looked at each other and shrugged, then moved towards the door of the warehouse, ignoring the Volus' jabbering.

Shepard moved pointedly in between Garrus' pistol and the Volus, holstering her own pistol as she did so.

"We are looking for someone. A client of yours."

The Volus waved his short arms frantically. "Not mine! I'm not * **hiss** * Fade. I just work for him * **hiss** *…sort of."

"I knew it." Shepard sighed in disgust, looking back at Garrus, who finally holstered his pistol.

The big Turian took a couple stops forward, then crouched onto one knee and brought himself to the Volus' eye level.

"Well then. Maybe you'd like to help us find him."

The Volus practically tripped over his words in his haste to tell Garrus what he wanted to know.

"Yes. Of course. * **hiss** * He's in the old factory district, * **hiss** * works out of the old prefab foundry."

Garrus looked back over his shoulder at Shepard, a triumphant gleam in his eyes. "I know the place"

The Volus tried to warn them, talking about the enormous amount of merc's that would be waiting for them. He slipped up though, and told them Fade's name.

"Harkin?"

Shepard remembered Harkin. The sleaze ball that worked for C-Sec when she had started investigating Saren. He had talked to her like she was a stripper.

She looked at Garrus. "How the hell does Harkin end up being Fade?"

The Volus explained that Harkin had been fired from C-Sec a few months back, and that he used his knowledge of how they operated to help a few people disappear. Then he made himself disappear, and thus, Fade.

Garrus stood again, moving back towards Shepard. "Interesting. But it changes nothing. We still need to find him before we can get to Sidonis."

"Well, let's go pay Harkin a visit then."

With a nod at the Volus, Shepard followed Garrus back out into Zakera Ward. He got them a sky car, and the ride to the old foundry was filled with more tense silence. Shepard was growing more and more worried. If she let Garrus do this, she would be letting her best friend commit cold blooded murder. On the Citadel no less, where his own father was a C-Sec legend.

She knew the pain of his loss, and she knew the anger and hunger for revenge…but this. Letting him shoot a man while she stood by and watched him do it. She didn't know if she could go through with it.

And she didn't know how he would react if she told him that.

Garrus parked the car, and scanned the outside of the building. As she moved around the car with him, the came around a stack of crates and there he was. Harkin. Standing in a doorway, surrounded by about six blue suns mercs.

He looked at Garrus with his mouth hanging open, then his gaze fell on her.

"Shepard?" He said disbelievingly.

She grinned and waved.

"Holy shit! Don't just stand there, shoot them!" He screeched at the mercs then spun and ran through the doors into the foundry.

"Run all you want Harkin! We'll find you!" Garrus screamed then dove for cover as the mercs opened fire on them.

Shepard dove into cover opposite Garrus, then they worked together to take out a seemingly endless supply of mercs as they moved deeper into the building in search of the fleeing Harkin. It was almost an hour later when they finally managed to catch a breather by breaking into the old foreman's office. The checked their supplies, and made sure they had all their ammo slots full.

Garrus moved to the plate glass windows overlooking the giant warehouse of crates they were going to have to slog through next, and glared as though he could will Harkin into sight.

She moved up beside him.

"So, Harkin's finally gone completely bad."

"Ha! He was always a pain in the ass. But I'm in no mood for his games. If he doesn't cooperate, I'll beat him within an inch of his life."

 _Wow. Somebody's rage is getting out of hand here._ "You seem to be getting a little tense Garrus."

He turned his furious eyes to her. "Harkin may know why Sidonis wants to disappear. If so, he knows why we're here, and I don't want him tipping Sidonis off."

Something moved behind one of the crates facing them, and Shepard instantly crouched down so she wasn't exposed. Garrus quickly followed suit.

"Did you see that?" He murmured.

"Yeah…I definitely saw something."

"He is getting ready for us. Harkin had trapped himself in a corner, he must have something in store for us."

"Ok. Let's go. Quietly, if possible."

The moved back into the warehouse, Shepard taking point, with Garrus a familiar presence on her six. They made it through the floor of crates with no incident. Shepard climbed up on top of the last stack and had just hopped down to the other side when there was a ominous creak above her.

She looked up, and dove out of the way as an Atlas mech dropped from the ceiling where she had been standing.

"Shepard!" She could hear Garrus calling her from the other side of the crates.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" She chanted as the mech opened fire on her position with heavy guns. The crate she was cowering behind shuddered under the force of the blows. The assault on her position stopped, and she peeked out just long enough to see a second Atlas mech drop from the ceiling and line its guns on her position as well.

It was no good. She had to make a run for it. The next set of crates was a good 50 meters away. Her shields would be toast in seconds under that kind of fire power.

She called to Garrus over the comms. "Garrus. I have to make a run for it. I need you to buy me a couple seconds."

"Shepard don't. It's too far."

"No choice buddy. My current cover is about five shots away from looking like swiss cheese."

"Spirits. OK, I'll do what I can. You better fly Shepard."

"Roger that."

She poised on the balls of her feet, waiting for Garrus to get their attention. There was an enormous explosion, and one of the mechs was rocked backwards a few steps. That was her cue.

She launched herself from behind the crate and ran as hard as she could for the next set of cover. She was still 20 feet away when the heavy guns caught her. Her shields flashed red and she threw herself forward onto her chest, sliding behind the crates in a screech of metal on concrete.

She lay panting for a moment, then gingerly moved her arms and legs. She wasn't shot. She pushed herself to her feet and looked down at her chest. Her armour was scratched all to hell, and her back was sore from the shots, but nothing had gotten through. She whooped.

"Thank the spirits." Garrus muttered over the comm, as she popped out from behind her much improved cover and unloaded her assault rifle on the Atlas closer to her. Garrus' grenade had done its job, and they managed to take them out after about 10 minutes of intense back and forth.

The sudden silence in the warehouse was almost eerie. The climbed the last wall of crates, where an office was perched. It was the last place Harkin could be.

As they moved towards the door, Shepard pulled Garrus to the side while they still had cover.

"Garrus. Are you still planning on killing Sidonis?"

His eyes went hard. "Yes. This is personal Shepard. I know you don't like it, but I'll pull the trigger. And I'll live with the consequences."

He brushed past her and they moved towards the door of the office. Shepard took point, and Garrus took a step back, looking to see if there were any other exits to the office.

Shepard moved up and kicked in the door.

Harkin scrambled backwards, moving towards the only other door. He sneered at her.

"You were close Shepard. But not close enough."

The door opened with a whoosh, and Garrus smashed Harking across the face with the butt of his assault rifle. The former C-Sec agents nose exploded in a spray of blood, and he dropped to the floor in agony. Garrus grabbed the back of his shirt and dragged him back into the office, slamming him up against the wall and holding him there with an armoured forearm.

"So Fade…Couldn't make yourself disappear, huh?"

"C'mon Garrus…We can work this out. Whaddya need?" The man pleaded pitifully.

Garrus released him and Harkin remained leaning against the wall. The big Turian started to pace, his aggression stark in the small office.

"I'm looking for someone."

At his words, Harkin's bloodied face turned shrewd. "Well. Then I guess we both have something the other one wants."

In a flash Garrus was back in front of him, grabbing Harkin and ramming his armored knee in to the humans unprotected stomach.

Gasping for breath, Harking slumped to the floor.

Shepard jumped in, trying to make him understand he had to talk, and fast. "We aren't here to ask favours Harkin."

"You don't say" He groaned.

Garrus bent down, and heled him back to his feet, propping him against the wall. "You helped a friend of mine disappear. I need to find him."

"I might need a little bit more information than that Garrus." Harkin snarked.

Garrus hissed at him. "His name was Sidonis. Turian. Came from-"

Harkin straightened up abruptly. "I know who he is. And I'm not telling you squat." He spit a mouthful of blood at Garrus' feet.

 _Fucking moron._

Shepard stepped in front of Garrus, who was bristling with the effort to not punch Harkin in the face.

"C'mon Harkin. Is this information really worth all the trouble?"

"I don't give out client information. It's bad for business."

In a rush, seven feet of pissed off Turian pushed past Shepard and rammed his knee into Harkin's gut once again. This time, when the human crumpled to the floor, Garrus placed an armoured foot on his neck to hold him there.

Garrus added a little pressure to the foot until Harkin gurgled. "You know what else is bad for business? A broken neck!"

"Alright! Alright. Get off me!" Harkin gasped, starting to turn red.

Garrus stayed where he was, glaring down at the strangling human a look of pure rage on his face. Shepard moved forward and jerked him backwards.

"Jesus Garrus!"

Harkin looked up at them from the floor.

"Terminus really changed you, huh Garrus?" He rasped at them.

"No. But Sidonis…opened my eyes." He pulled his pistol and leveled it at Harkin's face. "Now arrange a meeting."

As Harkin moved to a terminal in the office, Shepard watched Garrus. He was pacing again, like a big, extremely pissed off cat. She could feel the desire to beat the shit out of Harkin coming off of him in waves. She put her hand on his shoulder to try and get him to stop.

He rolled his shoulder away from her with a hiss.

Harkin finished arranging the meeting, and gave them the point of contact.

"So…If our business is done, I'll be going." He moved towards the door.

Before Shepard could react, Garrus did. He snatched Harking by the collar in one taloned hand, hauling him close to his face.

"I don't think so. You're a criminal now Harkin." The big Turian growled.

"So what? Your just gonna kill me? That's not your style Garrus." The Human gasped, determined to be a prick until the very end.

"Kill you? No. But I don't mind slowing you down a little." Garrus pushed Harkin away and in one smooth motion pulled his pistol and aimed at the human's kneecap. Shepard lunged forward and slammed the gun upwards, so the shot went harmlessly into the wall next to them. Garrus snarled at her and tried to wrench the gun away from her. She used her other hand to grab his closest talon and twist, forcing him to release the gun.

"Garrus, he wont be able to hide from C-Sec now. I've pinged Bailey and they are on their way to pick him up."

He glared at her, then turned back to Harkin. "I guess this is your lucky day."

Shepard moved towards the door, while Harkin muttered. "Yeah. I hope we can do this again real soon."

Garrus spun and head butted him in the face, Harkin's soft human face no match for the natural armour plating on the Turians. Harkin clutched what was left of his nose and howled in agony as he slid down the wall behind him.

Garrus moved up beside her. Once he noticed her stiff shoulders and refusal to look at him he sighed, then muttered. "What? I didn't shoot him."

They got back in the sky car and once again the trip to the next location was completed in tense silence. Shepard knew now that she wouldn't be able to let Garrus take the shot. He wasn't behaving like himself, and she would be damned if she would let her best friend slide into hell while she watched.

He parked the car and just sat for a moment, then turned his furious face to hers.

"Harkin's a bloody menace. We shouldn't have just let him go. He deserved to be punished."

"I'm getting a little worried about you here Garrus. You were going to shoot Harkin. Shoot him, because he mouthed off at you."

"You don't think he deserved it?"

"Shit Garrus. It's one thing to rough someone up for information, but shoot him in the knee for backtalk? It's just not like you."

He ground his teeth in frustration, and something else flashed in his eyes.

"What do you want from me Shepard?" His voice took her by surprise. It was soft, almost, pleading. "What would you do if someone betrayed you?"

She thought briefly of Kaidan, but it wasn't even remotely the same thing so she shoved him roughly from her mind.

"I'm not sure Garrus. But I wouldn't let it change me."

She reached out and put her hand on his arm. He tensed, but didn't pull away. "I would have said the same thing before it happened to me."

"Garrus. It's not too late. You don't have to go through with this."

Pain flashed across his face, and for a moment she thought she had gotten through. That the real Garrus was looking back at her.

"Who's going to bring Sidonis to justice if I don't? Nobody else knows what he's done. Nobody else cares."

"Garrus…Let me talk to him. Let me try."

He pulled his gaze from hers, and turned to the car door. "Talk all you want. It wont change my mind. I don't care what his reasons were Shepard. He screwed us…He deserves to die."

"Do you really believe that Garrus? I understand what your going through. I do. But do you really want to kill him?"

"I appreciate your concern…But I'm not you. I'm not gonna let him do this to me, to my team, then just walk away."

 _Jeez Garrus, a little harsh don't you think?_ Shepard took a deep breath. "This isn't you either Garrus."

He tore his gaze away from the car door and turned pained filled eyes on her once again. "Really? I've always hated injustice. The thought that Sidonis could get away with this…Why should he go on living while 10 good men lie in unmarked graves!"

"Garrus…"

He pushed the car door open. "I'm sorry Shepard. Words aren't going to solve this problem."

He got out of the car. "I need to set up. I can get a clear shot from over there."

He gestured to a dark balcony across from the seating area Sidonis was going to be waiting in. Shepard knew there was only one option now.

She sighed. "What do you need me to do."

He screwed the silencer onto the sniper rifle. "Keep him talking and don't get in my way. I'll let you know when he's in my sights. Give me signal so I know your ready. Then I'll take the shot."

She nodded, refusing to met his eyes.

"You better go. He'll be there soon."

He moved away, his tall frame disappearing soundlessly into the shadows. Shepard felt more than a little sick at what she was about to do. But she had tried her best to get him to try another way in the car, and the stubborn Turian refused to change his plans. Better he hate her now, then himself for the rest of his life.

As she moved into the crowded ward, she could see a Turian fidgeting nervously by a railing. She didn't need Garrus' whispered "There he is" to know it was Sidonis. He was thin, even by Turian standards. He stood up as she approached and waved at him.

"It's about time." He muttered as he stood in front of her.

"Shepard. You're in my shot. Move to the side." Garrus' voice seemed loud in her ear. Or maybe it was just because of the pounding of her heart.

 _Forgive me, my friend_.

"Listen Sidonis. I'm here to help you."

The thin Turian looked at her in horror as she said his name.

"Don't ever say that name aloud." His voice was full of terror, and he looked wildly around them, as though looking for something…or someone.

"I'm a friend of Garrus'. He wants you dead, but I'm hoping that's not necessary."

"Garrus? Is this some kind of joke?" He was definitely looking around now, and Shepard valiantly kept trying to make sure her head was in line with his. To make sure that if Garrus really wanted to take the shot, he had to be willing to kill her as well.

Garrus' voice was angry in her ear as he hissed. "Damn it Shepard. If he moves I'm taking the shot!"

As she once again moved her head as he moved his, Sidonis seemed to grasp the situation.

"You're not kidding…are you? Screw this! I'm not sticking around here to find out. Tell Garrus I had my own problems…"

Sidonis spun, turning to leave. Shepard grabbed his arm, and he whirled back to face her, jerking his arm out of her grasp.

"Get off me!"

She got right in his face. Both to block the shot she was sure Garrus would have lined up in the brief moment Sidonis spun away, and to make him understand.

"I'm the only thing standing between you and a hole in the head." She hissed at him.

His eyes went wide, and he looked over her shoulder to the dark space where Garrus was, even though he couldn't possibly see him.

"Fuck." Sidonis bowed his head, and allowed Shepard to stay where she was.

"Look… I didn't want to do it… I didn't have a choice!"

"Everyone had a choice!" Garrus said into her ear.

Sidonis was pleading now. "They got to me. Said they'd kill me if I didn't help. What was I supposed to do?"

"Let me take the shot Shepard! He's a damn coward!" Garrus hissed.

Sidonis was getting agitated, and without thinking, started to pace. Shepard immediately started moving with him, keeping her head in what she hoped was Garrus' shot as she spoke.

"That's it? You were just trying to save yourself?"

"I know what I did. I know they all died because of me, and I have to live with that. I wake up every night…sick…sweating. Each of their faces staring at me…Accusing me."

She could hear the harsh breathing of Garrus in her ear. Sidonis placed his hands on the railing in front of them and bowed his head, defeat making his voice thick.

"I'm already a dead man. I don't sleep. Food has no taste. Some days I just want it to be over."

"Just give me the chance. Move Shepard." Garrus's voice was no longer angry. It was cold, almost as though he was pleading with her. She knew if he was ever going to shoot, even with her there, it would be now.

"You've got to let it go, Garrus. He's already paying for his crime."

"He hasn't paid enough. He still has his life-"

"What life? Look at him Garrus. He's not alive, not in the sense of living his life… There's nothing left for you to kill."

"My men…they deserved better."

Sidonis looked at her from the railing, listening to her side of the conversation about whether he would live or die.

"Tell Garrus… I there's nothing I can say to make it right…" The Turian hung his head once more, and purposely moved out from Shepard into the open.

She closed her eyes and waited for the crack of the rifle. Her knee's went weak with relief when Garrus spoke into the comm.

"Just…Go. Tell him to go…"

She opened her eyes and looked at the defeated Turian standing before her.

"He's giving you a second chance Sidonis. Don't waste it."

Sidonis slowly straightened until he was at his full seven-foot height, and looked over her shoulder directly to where Garrus was hidden in the shadows.

"I'll try Garrus. I'll make it up to you. Somehow."

His gaze shifted to Shepard. "Thank you. For talking to him."

She clicked off her comm.

"I didn't do it for you. I did it for him. I couldn't give two shits about you, or people like you. I did this for Garrus. Because if he had splashed your brains all over the Citadel, even a Spectre couldn't get him out of it. You had better do something worthy of this. I chose you over my best friend today, and if I come to regret that decision, you had better believe Garrus wont be the one that finds you next time."

She spun away, and stalked back towards the sky car. Back towards the Turian who was going to be furious with her. He was standing stiffly by the car when she approached, his rifle slung over his shoulder.

"I know you want to talk about this Shepard, but I don't. Not yet."

"OK Garrus. That's fine."

They were silent in the car, and once they reached the Normandy Garrus left her abruptly to go into the battery. He locked the door behind him, the red panel a glaring image of just how much he didn't want to see her right now. She scrubbed a hand over her face, the long day catching up to her.

She sat down at the table in the mess, still in her armour and just put her head in her hands. There was a creak as someone sat down next to her. She looked up into the bearded face and green eyes of her pilot.

"Hey Commander. I take it it didn't go well down there?"

She grimaced. "It depends on what you mean by well. The man we went to kill is still alive, by my choice. Garrus may never forgive me for it though. Other than you and Chakwas, he is the one person who would willingly walk into hell with me, and I… well. Let's just say I made a call that he didn't agree with, and it wasn't really my call to make."

"Sounds rough." He cleared his throat and tapped his fingers on the table a few times. "So... Whisky and an action flick in your quarters?"

She gave him an exhausted smile. "Perfect."


	27. Chapter 27

**Authors Note: Well guys, Thank you to everyone reading and following and favouriting my story. I hit a bit of a motivation block this week, but thanks to my amazing beta Sister Magpie, and Vorcha Girl, my motivation has returned!**

 **I really hope you enjoy the next couple chapters, and as always, reviews really keep me going. Those little nuggets of feedback are like motivational gold!**

 **Chapter 27**

Tuchanka. Shepard honestly never thought she would be back here. It had been over ten years since she had last set foot on this hot, barren hell hole. The last time, she had been hauled off world on a stretcher, her armour melting into her skin from falling from her sniper's perch and landing on a Klixen.

She had Garrus and Grunt with her, and they were making their way to see the chief of Clan Urdnot. Grunt had been feeling strange; violent rage and mood swings, more so than usual, so Shepard had brought him to the Krogan to see if they knew what was happening to her young team member. Mordin had also requested a stop on Tuchanka, as a young research assistant of his was rumored to be here. Like most off-worlders, he was thought to be here unwillingly.

Shepard and Garrus still hadn't talked after what happened with Sidonis, but Shepard didn't want anyone else watching her back on Tuchanka. They had been through too much for the awkwardness between them to stop them from being able to work together on a mission.

She still felt that she had made the right call by blocking Garrus' shot on the Citadel. There were some lines that once they were crossed, you couldn't quite get back from. His relationship with his father was strained at best, and she didn't think it could have recovered from something like cold blooded murder.

They had been avoiding each other on the Normandy, nothing more than polite nods and greetings exchanged when they ran into each other. Feeling shut off from her best friend like that had been causing Shepard no small amount of lost sleep. Shepard knew that it was just her that Garrus was closed off from, because she had seen he and Tali chatting and laughing together in engineering several times.

With a sigh, Shepard pulled her thoughts from Garrus and returned her focus to the mission they were on.

They had gone through several checkpoints, and the Krogans were not happy about having them on their planet, especially with a Turian. There had been some disparaging comments about Grunt as well, so Shepard decided to go straight to the head honcho.

The trio made their way up to the dais where the leader of Clan Urdnot was seated on a throne, resting his head in his hands, while another green plated Krogan chattered to him. The clan leader seemed to have had enough of what the other Krogan was saying, because he dropped his hands and sat forward, looking around. He spotted Shepard waiting and narrowed his eyes at her.

It was Wrex.

"Shepard!" He boomed, standing and shoving the green plated Krogan out of his way as he made his way over to her.

As they reached each other the huge, scarred Krogan grasped her hand, and pulled her into his armoured side for a one armed hug.

"Shepard!" He boomed again, squeezing her and patting her on the back. "My friend! You look pretty well for dead, Shepard. Should have know the void couldn't hold you!"

"Wrex. Looks like you've done well for yourself" She smiled and gestured at the throne he had just vacated.

"Not for me Shepard. For all Krogan. Clan Urdnot is just the start. When I am done, we will be one people again."

The green plated Krogan approached them and sneered at Shepard. "You've abandoned many traditions to get your way. Dangerous."

Wrex spun on his heel and smashed the Krogan with a vicious head-butt. "Speak when spoken to, Uvenk. I'll drag your clan to glory whether it likes it or not."

Shepard fought the grin trying to spread across her face. _Some things never change._

He stepped over the Krogan clutching its head on the floor, and moved back to the throne, waving Shepard forward.

"Now Shepard. What brings you here? How's the Normandy?"

"Blown up, actually. It was destroyed in a collector attack. I ended up spaced."

Wrex shook his head.

"Damn. I liked that ship. We had some good times chasing that pyjack Saren across the galaxy. Us against the unknown. Killing it with big guns. At least you look good. Ahh, the benefits of a redundant nervous system, eh Shepard?"

She grimaced at him. "Yeah…humans don't have those Wrex."

His mouth dropped open. "Oh. Must have been painful then."

"You could say that. I've got some of the old crew back together. Joker, Chakwas, Tali, and of course Garrus." She gestured to the tall Turian at her side.

"Hello Wrex." Garrus grinned.

"Garrus! Well, I see you finally decided to get some scars on that pretty bird face of yours. Figured out Turians were too soft and you wanted a Krogan lady did ya?"

Shepard laughed, and Garrus shot her a dirty look.

"Ha ha, Wrex. I decided to try and catch a rocket with my face. It didn't turn out as planned."

"Humpf. And who is this?" Wrex asked, nodding his head at Grunt, who had stood behind Shepard fidgeting while the old team mates chatted.

"This is Grunt. He is one of the reasons I am here actually. He has some kind of sickness that needs treatment. I was hoping you could tell me what is wrong with him."

Wrex gestured Grunt forward. Grunt was big, slightly bigger than Wrex, but didn't have the fully developed face plates mature Krogan have. The green plated Krogan, Uvenk shuffled closer, to get a better look at him.

Once Grunt was standing in front of him, Wrex said "Where are you from whelp? Was your clan destroyed before you could learn what is expected of you?"

Grunt shot a quick look at Shepard, who nodded at him. He drew himself up to his full height.

"I have no clan. I was tank bred by the warlord Okeer. My line distilled from Kredak, Moro, Shiagur-"

Uvenk cut across him. "You recite warlords, but you are the offspring of a syringe."

"I am pure Krogan. You should be in awe." Grunt snarled at him.

Wrex looked at Grunt, then Shepard thoughtfully. "Okeer is a very old name, A very hated name."

Wrex got up and moved closer to Grunt, who said simply "He is dead."

Wrex snorted. "Of course he is. You're with Shepard. How could he be alive?"

Shepard sighed at the Krogan all circling around one another, sizing each other up like dogs.

"I need Grunt back up to speed Wrex. What is wrong with him?"

"Nothing is wrong with him. He is becoming a full adult."

Garrus' mouth dropped open, and he smirked at Shepard.

"Adolescence? Can't we just take him to Omega and buy him a few dances?"

"HAH!" Wrex boomed, then became more serious as Uvenk glowered at him. "I don't care what aliens call it. Krogans undergo the rite of passage."

Uvenk looked like he was going to explode. "Too far Wrex! Your clan my rule, but this _thing_ is not Krogan!" He spat at Grunt, and stormed away from them, into the dusty ruins and out of sight.

"Idiot." Wrex muttered, then turned back to the trio. "So Grunt. Do you wish to stand with Clan Urdot?"

Grunt looked to Shepard. "This is your choice Grunt."

Grunt thought for a moment, then stepped to the edge of the dais and looked over the crumbling ruin spread before them. "It is in my blood." He turned back to face them. "It is what I am for."

Wrex grinned at him. "Good boy. Speak with the Shaman. He's over on the second level. Give him a good show and he'll put you on the path."

Grunt nodded, then moved to Shepard again. "Thank you Wrex. We will talk more when we get back."

"We better Shepard. Good luck." Her big friend said cryptically.

The moved off to the second level, to meet with the Shaman. Unfortunately, Uvenk was also with the Shaman. It took some trash talking back and forth, and then Shepard had to head-butt the green plated Krogan to shut him up, but they got permission to have Grunt go through the rite of passage.

Shepard as his ally or as the Krogan say, Krantt, would be going through the rite with him, along with Garrus. Everyone was very cryptic as to what this rite would contain, so Shepard pulled Garrus aside and made sure they were well stocked and prepared for everything.

They hopped into a truck, and were taken along the crumbling, blasted ruins of Tuchanka, to a large arena. The Keystone, they called it. This is where they would go through the rites of passage. Grunt was fidgeting and growling to himself, pestering her to start the keystone.

She moved towards the large button and stabbed it with her hand. A booming voice blasted over the loud speakers.

" **First the Krogan conquered Tuchanka…and mastered a natural world only we are fit to hold!"**

There was a howl, and Garrus shouted "Varren!"

The huge dog like Varren were pouring into the compound. Grunt roared a battle cry and started blasting away at the ones that got past Garrus' rapidly booming sniper rifle. Shepard took her own sniper rifle off her shoulder and focused on where the Varren were entering the arena. The wave seemed endless, and once they finally stopped pouring into the compound, bodies of Varren were scattered everywhere.

Grunt was covered in scratches and bites, but was grinning from ear to ear and shouting "I am Krogan!"

Garrus shook his head at his enthusiasm, and then followed Shepard back to the keystone.

"Shepard, there are a lot of dead Krogan scattered throughout this arena, we can salvage some heat sinks and medi-gel from them."

"Do it." She nodded at him, giving him a minute to gather up some supplies.

"Hit the keystone Shepard!" Grunt roared, smashing his fists together impatiently.

She hit it, and then jogged back towards her teammates. The booming voice rang through the speakers again.

" **Then the Krogan were lifted to the stars to destroy the fears of a galaxy, an enemy only we could chase to their lair."**

There was a hissing noise that filled the arena as the voice died away, and Shepard reflexively clutched a hand to her side.

Klixen. The giant insectoids that breathed fire if you got too close.

"Grunt! Stay back from them!"

The brash young Krogan's blood was high, and he ignored her, charging recklessly into a cluster of Klixen.

She shouldered her sniper rifle, took out her assault rifle, and charged towards her youngest teammate. He was punching and blasting with his shotgun, and for a moment she thought he had them down, when one opened up it's mouth and Grunt disappeared in a ball of fire.

Shepard screamed and unloaded her gun on it until it fell in a bloody ruin to the ground. Grunt was burned and steaming, but thankfully, due to how quickly Krogan can regenerate, he was on his feet.

Shepard could hear the hissing and knew another wave was approaching, but she grabbed the front of Grunt's armour and yelled at the huge Krogan.

"Grunt! You listen to me! Stay back from them and use the assault rifle! That is an order!"

"Yes Shepard. I am Krogan!" He howled and switched guns as the horde approached.

Shepard darted away from him and headed for Garrus, who was trying desperately to stay back and snipe at a distance, but had been spotted and now had two of the Klixen on his tail. She unloaded her rifle on them, forcing their attention back to her. With lots of shrieking and waving of tentacles, they moved at her in a rush. One launched a flame attack at her, and she rolled out of the way, ignoring the sound of Garrus screaming her name in warning.

She dodged the flames successfully and the Klixen went down, the other taken out by Grunt. They had made it through another trial. Shepard and Garrus quickly checked the arena over, and made sure they had every scrap of medi-gel and ammo available to them, then she once again headed for the Keystone, and gave it a whack.

" **Now all Krogan bear the Genophage, our reward, our curse. It is a fight where the only goal is to survive!"**

The ground under her feet shook, harder and harder as a loud rumbling slowly grew to a deafening din. Shepard closed her eyes for a brief moment, then turned and made eye contact with Garrus as she screamed "Thresher maw!"

Garrus immediately ran for cover behind one of the huge cement pillars scattered around the arena as the enormous maw burst from the ground to their right with a ear piercing shriek.

 _A fucking thresher maw? On foot?_

"Grunt! Get the hell out of it's way! It spits acid you idiot!"

Grunt was running up close to the maw, blasting it with his assault rifle, and seemingly unaware that it was 20 times bigger than him. It shrieked and turned towards the pest on the ground. Shepard had no choice. She ran towards Grunt, and opened fire on the monstrous creatures face to try and distract it.

It worked only too well. With a shriek, it spat a mouthful of acid at her, and then dove back into the ground. She dodged most of it. With a cry Shepard peeled off the smoking ruin of her gauntlet before it melted into her skin. She was burned, but not too badly. Before she could grab a pack of medi-gel, the maw burst back to the surface on her left.

"Shepard!" Garrus screamed.

It was huge. Its hideous, tentacled head loomed over top of her. For a second Shepard was motionless, struck by the sheer size of the thing they were supposed to be surviving. Then with a boom, Garrus sniped a perfect shot, and one glowing eye exploded.

The maw thrashed in agony, and Shepard had to dive for cover behind a pillar. Unfortunately, as it thrashed, the maw sheared off the top half of her cover. With chunks of debris raining onto her, bashing her painfully, Shepard was once again in the open.

 _Fuck this. Time for the big guns._

"Grunt! Cover me!" She shouted, and the Krogan gleefully unloaded clip after clip from his assault rifle into the giant maw.

Shepard took out the M-920 Cain. An enormously powerful heavy weapon. It's one drawback: It took almost five seconds to charge before it could fire.

"Shepard don't! It's too slow!" Garrus cried through the comm, still sniping shots at its other eyes.

She ignored him, and then stood out in the open to get her shot lined up.

It felt like she was in slow motion as the gun primed. The maw spat acid at Grunt, who dodged most, but not all of it, and fell to the ground with an agonized howl. Three seconds left. The maw's ugly heard turned to Shepard, standing defiantly in the open.

Two seconds left. The giant throat worked as it readied itself to launch an acid ball at the tiny figure below it.

One second left. It launched the acid at Shepard just as she pulled the trigger. Something crashed into her and she was thrown hard to the ground, crushed beneath whatever had landed on her.

The world around them exploded with bright light as the Cain's shot tore through the maw. It shrieked out its last breath, and crashed the the ground, dead. Shepard breathed a sigh of relief, then tried to move. The weight on her was abruptly removed, then she was hauled to her feet and spun roughly around to come face to face with seven-feet of extremely pissed off Turian.

"Spirits Shepard what the hell were you thinking? Your shields would have never held up under that acid. It would have killed you!"

He gave her a rough shake, then seemed to realise he was gripping her tightly by her upper arms, yelling at her. He let her go, and stepped back, looking shocked at himself.

Shepard stepped right back into his space. "Garrus… I'm ok. It's over now." She lay a hand on his arm.

"Commander. I'm sorry. I didn't mean… It wasn't my place-"

"Garrus stop. You're right. It wasn't your place, but you're a member of my team, and my team watches each others backs. You did exactly what I would have done for any one of you. So thanks."

Grunt was back on his feet and moving towards them. Shepard released Garrus' arm, and moved over to check on her young Krogan. He was burned all down his side where the maw's acid had hit him. He was regenerating quickly, but would have a hell of a big scar. She slathered him with medi-gel, and couldn't help but grin back at him. His chest was puffed out, and he was as proud as she had ever seen him.

"Worthy fight Shepard."

"Yes Grunt, it sure was."

"Shepard. Shuttle incoming." Garrus called out, as a large shuttle descending on the arena.

Shepard sighed to herself as Uvenk got out. _Not this tool again_.

"You live. And you brought down a Thresher Maw. No one has done that in generations. Urdnot Wrex was the last." Uvenk drawled at them.

Grunt drew himself up to his full height. "My Krantt gave me strength beyond my genes. Which are damned good." Grunt growled at him.

"This will cause discussion. I wonder…You say you are pure Krogan? No alien meddling in your construction? Just the warlord Okeer?" Uvenk sneered at Garrus and Shepard as he said _aliens_.

"The best Krogan traits are distilled into Grunt. He is designed to be perfect." Shepard stepped up to Grunts side.

Uvenk spat at her feet. "Being designed is the problem. But not made by aliens. And he is truly powerful. That is a tolerable loophole."

Garrus was growling softly behind her back at the insult, and Shepard subtly reached back and patted his hand to calm him down. Her friend's emotions had been running rather high since Sidonis. They were really going to have to have that chat soon.

"A what?" Grunt asked.

"A reason to accept you. You are a mistake, but your potential could tip the current balance of the clans."

Grunt stepped towards Uvenk, his posture bristling with insult. "You spit on my father's name. You spit on Shepard's name! But now you stop ranting because I am strong?"

Uvenk didn't seem to realise the danger, and continued with his speech. "With restrictions. You could not breed of course. Or serve on an alien ship. But you'd be clan in name."

Shepard had had enough of his pretentious preaching. "You talk like he's a thing. You're after his power. You don't really want him in your clan."

Uvenk snorted at her. "Of course not. I didn't really want to cooperate with Clan Urdnot either, but I had to. Clan Gatatog is on the verge – Either of greatness of joining the dust. I get traditionalist support if I fight you, and reformer support if I back you. Your rite of passage tipped that balance too."

"My guess is…Grunt says 'no'".

"You guess right Shepard. Uvenk, you are a pretender. I am the true Krogan here."

Uvenk snarled at them, and his men went for their weapons. "Your head is valuable, whether you're alive or dead!"

"Just try to take it!" Grunt screamed and blasted Uvenk with his Shotgun.

This time the battle was short. Between Grunt's rage, and Shepard and Garrus' sniper rifles, all of Uvenk's Krogans were down in a matter of minutes. They headed back to the truck, and the Shaman was waiting for them. They all climbed back into the truck and headed back to Wrex.

Her friend was standing tall when they arrived, and Grunt went down to one knee with his head bowed once they were in front of Wrex. The Shaman began to speak.

"Many survive, but it has been years since a Thresher Maw fell! Your names shall live on in glory! Grunt. You are Urdnot. You may now own property, join the army, and apply to serve under a battlemaster."

"Shepard is my battlemaster. She has no match."

"Understood. Congratulations Urdnot Grunt, accept this weapon, one of the finest we have."

Grunt was passed a very fine shotgun, which Garrus eyes jealously. Shepard thanked the Shaman, then led her tired trio back to the Normandy to eat, and get patched up.

Tomorrow would be soon enough to look for Mordin's scout.

00oo00oo00

Garrus frowned and punched a few more commands into the console in front of him. He couldn't seem to get himself focused on the calibrations, the visual of Shepard standing defiantly in the path of the thresher maw's acid kept tearing through his mind. He swore under his breath when he remembered shaking her and yelling.

He had lost control, and allowed his emotions to get the better of him. He had laid hands on, and yelled at his commanding officer. He still hadn't gotten over what happened with Sidonis. It had hurt, more than he was willing to admit, when Shepard had chosen that coward over him.

The smell of citrus washed over him and he knew before the door opened that she would be there.

"Hey Garrus. Do you have a minute?"

He thought briefly about sending her away with an excuse about calibrations, as he had the last few times she had approached him, but after today… he knew they had to talk.

"Sure Shepard, come in."

Shepard was fidgeting, something she only did when she was nervous. He felt a sense of shame at the thought that she was nervous to talk to him.

"Look Shepard, about Sidonis… My men, they deserved better, but…you may have been right. There was still good in him, I could see it when you got him talking. It is so much easier to see the world in black and white. To see people as evil or good, friend or enemy. Gray… I don't know what to do with gray."

"Garrus, you've got good instincts. Trust your heart."

He laughed, it burst out of him involuntarily. At the moment, his heart couldn't be trusted.

"What's so funny?" Shepard was smiling at him, wanting to know what the joke was.

"Nothing Shepard. Just, with the Collectors and the Reapers after us… all my instincts say 'run away!' I've had to train them to do the opposite. I'm not sure they can be trusted."

Shepard's face became more serious. "I trust your instinct's Garrus. You've had my back from the very beginning. I couldn't do this without you."

"Sure you could. Not as stylishly of course…"

She laughed. It lit up her face, and for the first time he noticed her hair was different. It was darker, and didn't move the same. Something must have happened to it when she showered. Thinking of her hair brought out another memory, this one kept close to his heart. The memory of her curled up against him, sleeping. The feel of those long strands running through his fingers, a stolen touch while she slept off the effects of 'girl's night'.

"I missed this Garrus. I missed being able to come down here and talk to you after the missions, to get a run through on what we did, or if I made the right calls."

"So did I." He admitted, then cleared his throat. "Look Shepard, I'm trying to understand why you did what you did, but…Why? Why would you side with Sidonis, after everything that he'd done? Why would you side with him after everything that we've been through, are going through? How could you choose him over me?"

The words burst from him in a rush, and he braced himself for her angry reaction. It never came. She looked at him, stricken. As though he had jabbed a knife in her guts.

"Oh Garrus… I never chose him over you. I could never do that. I did it _for_ you. After everything you did with C-sec, and your dad being a legend to them… I care about you too much to let you throw away everything that makes you who you are. You are a _good_ person Garrus. You care about people. It would have eaten you alive, not to mention murdering someone in broad daylight in the middle of the Citadel is something even a Spectre can't get you out of."

He looked at her, jaw hanging open in shock. She had been protecting him. She hadn't sided with Sidonis…she had sided with him, the only way she could because he hadn't been willing to listen to her.

 _Spirits, he had been such an idiot._

She moved a step closer to him, a tentative expression on her face. "You were better than that Garrus, and I couldn't walk away and let you ruin your life."

He hummed, unable to stop it from rumbling from him chest. "Shepard…Thank you."

She smiled at him, a beautiful, soft smile. "Anytime Garrus. I am so glad we are okay. It has been eating me up having this hanging there between us. Joker's been teasing me about the amount of damage I've been doing to the punching bag to try and ease my stress."

Garrus wrestled his feeling back into their little box, and tried to steer the conversation back into safe territory, where feelings weren't involved.

"It's strange going into a suicide mission on a human ship. Your people don't prepare for high risk operations the way Turians do."

She sat on one of the crates in the room, and tucked her feet under herself. He leaned his hip against the rail behind him, both settling themselves for a nice long chat.

"How do Turian crews get ready for high risk missions?"

He grinned at her. "With violence, usually. Turian ships have more operational discipline than your Alliance, but fewer ahh…personal restrictions." His voice died off.

 _Spirits_ … _so much for steering this in a safe direction_.

"Personal restrictions?" Shepard asked, a smirk on her face.

"Yeah. Our Commanders run us tight, and they know we need to blow off steam. Turian ships have training rooms for exercise, combat sims, even full-contact sparring. Whatever lets people work off stress."

"… Um Garrus? You know I bought pretty much everything you just said and put it up in the cargo bay right?"

"I know Shepard, but you are different. That isn't something the Alliance would have put in normally. On a Turian ship is it standard."

"Doesn't it seem a little reckless to have your crewmen fighting each other right before a mission?" Her voice was disapproving, and he wanted to make sure she understood. It wasn't like they were a bunch of savages beating each other bloody.

"It's supervised, of course. Nobody is going to risk an injury that interferes with the mission. And it's a good way to settle grudges amicably. I remember right before one mission, we were about to hit a Batarian pirate squad. Very Risky. This recon scout and I had been at each other's throats. Nerves, mostly. She suggested we settle it in the ring."

Garrus' voice died away as he remembered how they had actually settled it. Damn. _This is not going how I want it to._

Shepard cocked an eyebrow at him. "I assume you took her down gently?"

He cleared his throat, desperately trying to think of another way to say what had happened.

"Actually…She and I were the top ranked hand to hand specialists on the ship. I had reach, but she had flexibility…It was brutal. After nine rounds, the judge called it a draw. There were a lot of unhappy betters in the room."

"A tie huh? Somehow I can't see you letting that go by Garrus." Her voice was teasing

Garrus thanked the spirits he was not cursed with the Human affliction of blushing. "We uh…ended up holding a tiebreaker in her quarters. I had reach, but she had flexibility…more than one way to work off stress, I guess." He hummed, unable to stop the distress in his sub harmonics.

Shepard burst out laughing. "I understand what you meant about 'fewer personal restrictions' now. Garrus you dog!"

A feeling of relief swept through him at her words. She didn't care. The relief was quickly followed by a slap of reality, right to his mangled face.

 _She didn't care._

She stood, coming over to nudge his shoulder playfully. "It sounds like your carrying some tension though Garrus. I could help you get rid of some of it if you like."

For one wild moment Garrus thought of Shepard and himself, testing his reach and her flexibility together…then he slammed his walls up, banishing the thought from his mind as she continued.

"I have been doing some work with the combat sim. No one would spar with me anymore after what happened with Jacob. Kaidan and I used to… well, never mind. Thane and I were going to spar this week, give my hand to hand a real challenge, we should as well."

"Yeah, Shepard…Maybe we will. Listen, I should get back to work on these calibrations. We can talk more later."

Kaidan's name was like a bucket of ice on his emotions.

Shepard was still in love with Kaidan. And Kaidan, even though he was a complete ass on Horizon, was still in love with Shepard. It had been all over his face when he saw her.

"Sure Garrus. Listen, tomorrow I need you to stay here and help Tali. She has something that needs to be calibrated in the drive core, and says she needs someone with long arms to help her. Since I know how much you love calibrating, I volunteered you. Thane is going to come with Mordin and me; he likes these hellishly hot planets anyhow."

The thought of her going without him hurt, but he knew he couldn't be there every mission. The Drell would watch her six.

"Sure Shepard. Have a good night."

"You too, buddy."

He watched her as she moved away back through the ship, pausing to talk to various crew members as she went until she vanished from his line of sight. She had been better these last few weeks, better than she had been after Horizon. Helping the members of the ground team deal with unfinished business had helped, he thought. He knew she was still trying to get a message out to Kaidan. He suspected Cerberus was involved in the reason why she didn't seem to get any in return.

He knew Kaidan. He knew that even if he didn't trust Cerberus, there's no way he wouldn't respond to a message from Shepard. Garrus swallowed his own feelings down. Shepard thought of his as a comrade in arms, a close friend. As much as a part of him longed for more, it was not meant to be. She and Kaidan however…that could potentially still be fixed. Garrus squared his shoulders and decided that he would do something about it. If she could go against his wishes for his own good, he could do something for her.

He remembered the terror on Shepard's face when she thought Kaidan might be abducted. He remembered the pain, then blankness of her face when Kaidan had sent her away without him. He remembered them on the first Normandy, smiling and laughing, touching each others hands or faces when they thought no one was looking.

As much as the part of himself he had buried deep wanted it to be _him_ that brought that smile to her face, he knew she didn't feel about him that way. He knew he had to at least try and get Kaidan to understand what they were doing.

Shepard had done so much for everyone else on the crew, it was her turn to deal with her unfinished business. Garrus moved to his Terminal and started to type. The message was heavily encrypted, but he knew Kaidan was tech savvy, and would be able to crack it. In case Cerberus really was blocking messages, he routed it through the general Citadel server, before directing it to Kaidan's alliance address.

His heart ached slightly as the small flame of hope he had harboured deep within sputtered and went out. It ached with the thought of doing this for her, helping her, after everything she had done for him. After everything she had done for everyone. It ached with the thought that he could give her this small push towards what made her happy.

Garrus stepped away from the terminal and shut it down. Now all he could do is wait.

Wait to see if the man Shepard loved sent a message in return.


	28. Chapter 28

**Authors Note: Kaidan POV in this chapter, yay! I have been missing my main man, so here is some Kaidan love for everyone!**

 **Also, there are some darker theme's in this chapter, so please be warned.**

 **Sister Magpie, thank you for helping my with this chapter. It was a difficult one to write, and you really pushed me to get more out of it and make it fir with the rest of the story. You Rock.**

 **Chapter 28**

Kaidan stared at his terminal, his heart racing and his hands clammy. In between the message from his father and the message from Hackett was a heavily encrypted, high clearance message from an unknown source.

 _Shepard. It's from Shepard_. He hated the tremor in his hands as he reached towards the terminal, fingers moving rapidly as he broke the encryption.

 _ **Alenko,**_

 _ **I don't know what the hell you were thinking down there on Horizon, but Shepard and the team, we are in deep shit. Cerberus can't be trusted and between them, and you and Anderson stabbing her in the back, Shepard is gonna crack.**_

 _ **I believe Cerberus is blocking her communications, filtering what they let through. I know she has sent dozens of messages trying to get through to you, and to Anderson. Nothing has made it's way back through to her.**_

 _ **Even if you are the Galaxy's most supreme ass- which I think you are- you wouldn't ever cut her out completely, not with what you know about the Reapers. So use this encryption, give it to Anderson too, and send things through me. I'll make sure she gets them.**_

 _ **She's running herself ragged getting everyone else's unfinished business taken care of before we hit the Omega Four relay, and I am starting to worry…I'm starting to worry that this really is going to be a suicide mission.**_

 _ **The Alliance is, or was, the only family she knows. You were the person watching her six, who had her back. You were the person she fought so hard to come back for. Without that…I don't think she'll take the care she needs to take to make it out alive.**_

 _ **You owe her Kaidan. You and Anderson and everyone else in this damn Galaxy.**_

 _ **Garrus.**_

Kaidan stared at the screen, frozen. The thoughts and feelings swirling around inside him broke over him like a wave, and he was on his feet with a roar of rage. Blue flared out from him like a wave, overturning the desk and blasting furniture across the room to crash into the walls with a crunch.

Cerberus. Fucking Cerberus. She had been trying to reach him from the start. Cerberus had all the pieces, and between them and Hackett, he had been moved across the board like a pawn. He stood in the middle of the trashed room, taking deep breaths until the rage lessened and he could bring his biotics under control.

He thought back to what Garrus had told him. The rage was doused suddenly with an icy fear.

'A suicide mission' Garrus had called it. A chill slipped through his heart as he thought of her, risking everything only to lose her life, god knows where, thinking he didn't care. Thinking he didn't love her. More than ever he regretted what had happened on Horizon. He was glad now he had taken the time to see his parents in Vancouver. He was glad his mother had said it so baldly. He needed to make sure she had something to fight for, something to come home to.

He and his father had rallied everyone they knew within the Alliance, or with any kind of influence and started to spread the word. People needed to prepare. People needed to believe that the Reapers were still coming. They had started a rumor that Shepard was on a black ops mission, infiltrating an enemy cell that had information on the Reapers. The truth, the fact the the alliance had refused to give her the resources necessary to fight this battle, was left out. Creating a division right now between the Hero of the Galaxy and the Alliance was something they couldn't afford.

Kaidan fired off a message to Anderson, requesting he meet him immediately. The older man returned it almost instantly, stating he would be there in 10 minutes. Kaidan scrubbed a hand through his hair, and looked at the trashed room. He rarely, so rarely, let his control slip. _At least it was only furniture, not Hackett's face._ With a sigh he started straightening things up, relief sliding through him when he saw the terminal was undamaged.

With quick knock, Anderson stepped through the door, his shrewd eyes taking in the hastily tidied damage. A raised eyebrow was his only question.

"I had a message. You should read it for yourself." Kaidan gestured to the terminal, then stepped back as Anderson moved forward to read Garrus' message. The older man's face went through similar emotions to what Kaidan had felt when he read it.

"I should have known. Damn it!" Anderson pounded his fist on the table. "We need to send something back. Let them know we are working on something down here, trying to get support."

"Yes sir." Kaidan swallowed down the bitterness he felt, the taste like ashes in his mouth.

"Listen Alenko…Kaidan. I know this is hard. I know if you could do it over again you'd be there with her. But you aren't, and I need you to help me do this. Your Biotic division… we are going to do one more round. We need infiltration specialists; this proves it more than ever. But this time, we are going to do it a bit differently."

"Sir?" Kaidan was confused, and a little frustrated. _Anderson wanted to bench him, to have him teach, now…after what Shepard was trying to do?_

"Hackett wants you out of the game. He doesn't want a wrench thrown into his plans. He has sent a message to Shepard. He is trying to get the Alliance to back her again, but the brass… well, the brass thinks she is a traitor. A rogue spectre no better than Saren."

"But sir, if they think she's gone rogue…They'll try and get the Council to take her out, like they sent us after Saren."

It was too much. Kaidan's chest hurt at the thought of her being stuck with Cerberus, surrounded by people she couldn't trust, with a bunch of other Spectre's out for her blood.

"The Council is on our side, for now. They are using the fact that she is sticking to the Terminus system and hasn't made any aggressive moves towards the Alliance or other council races as a means to say she isn't considered a threat. Hackett is going to try and get her to do something for the Alliance. It is need to know only, but if she can pull it off, it might be our ace in the hole."

"After everything that happened, everything we did, he thinks she is going to help?" As soon as he said it, he realised she would. This was Shepard they were talking about. She would always do whatever it took to help.

"Kaidan, this next group of students you're going to be teaching? I've already recruited them. As far as the Alliance knows, you will be training them the same as your first group. Infiltration Specialists. In reality, you are going to train them to do whatever it takes to get as much information about Cerberus and the Reapers as possible. You are going scatter them throughout the Galaxy, and they are going to feed us as much information as they can manage."

Anderson took a deep breath before continuing, a gleam in his eyes.

"They will be our most secret and best weapon. When Shepard is finished, the brass will be out for her blood. We need to have an armful of proof that she is not our biggest threat, and that we will in fact, be needing her on our side. They will be gathering as much evidence as possible to shove in the brass's face until they can't ignore the facts."

Kaidan nodded. There was no way for him to be with Shepard right now, however much he wished it. But this, this he could do.

Anderson moved to the terminal, and began typing.

 _ **Shepard.**_

 _ **Cerberus is filtering all your communication. That's why I haven't' received any of your message, Alenko either.**_

 _ **Vakarian figured it out, so everything will be going through him from now on.**_

 _ **It's not something that should be done in a message, but it doesn't matter now. I am sorry Jane. There were pieces being played that I didn't see, and I let you become collateral damage. It never should have happened.**_

 _ **We are working on something down here, something to help you, and to take down Cerberus when you no longer need them. I believe in you, and I know you'll get this done.**_

 _ **When you do, I will have your back. And I will have the information we need to fight this damn war, and win it. You've got people down here that care about you Jane. If you can, do what Hackett asks. To look like you are still working with the Alliance will only strengthen what we are trying to do down here.**_

 _ **Come home, Kid.**_

 _ **That's an order.**_

 _ **Anderson**_

Anderson sent it off, then stepped away from the Terminal and looked at him.

"Kaidan. I know you want to message her, to tell her everything… but not yet. Let's use my message to see how this is going to work. Give it a couple day's. See what her response is."

Kaidan's jaw was clenched tight. He was tired of waiting. He was tired of not being able to talk to her, to apologise.

He was tired of feeling like he was her enemy.

He nodded tightly, and Anderson stepped up and clasped a hand on his shoulder.

"We are sending you planet side. You will be training your new students right under the brass's nose. Vancouver Headquarters. They've assigned you your quarters already, and your new recruits will be ready to start training on Monday."

The older man gave him the smallest of smiles, then headed out of the apartment. Kaidan thought about what Anderson had said. He knew it made sense to wait, to test the waters with her. But then he thought about how she would feel, knowing that Cerberus had been blocking her communications. Then getting a message from Anderson, from Hackett, but not him. His decision was made.

He moved to the terminal, his heart in his mouth. His last message, if she had ever gotten it, had been confused. He had wanted to say he would be there for her, but he knew he hadn't done a good job of it. This time, he would do better.

 _ **Jane.**_

 _ **I'm sorry I didn't join you on Horizon. If I could do it over again, I would be by your side right now, facing the Omega Four relay with you, watching your back.**_

 _ **But I can't, and I am sorrier about that than I can ever say. I am working with an infiltration team, and we are going to gather everything we can about the Reapers, and use it to back you up. Anderson and I have been meeting with the Council, and we have them on your side.**_

 _ **Have Garrus keep an eye on your six, he looked like he was up to it on Horizon. Don't trust Cerberus.**_

 _ **I miss you Jane.**_

 _ **I know I have no right to ask, no claim on you, but… Fight.**_

 _ **Fight to come home, to come back. After everything that happened between us, I will be fighting too.**_

 _ **I will be fighting for the chance to see you again, to hold you again.**_

 _ **For me, it's always been you.**_

 _ **Kaidan**_

00oo00oo00

Shepard, Thane and Mordin staggered wearily through the airlock, covered in dust, grime and the stink of decay. Her mind was still whirling. Mordin's assistant, Maelon, had been working on a cure for the Genophage. All in all Shepard thought that was a good thing, but Maelon had been using barbaric, brutal methods. The image of the dead Krogan females was burned into her mind.

Mordin had wanted to shoot him, point blank in the face. Shepard had stopped him. Mordin was a doctor, a scientist, not a murderer. She had also talked him in to keeping Maelon's research. They were probably years away from a cure, but if anyone could do it, it was Mordin.

Her knee ached from a hard roll into cover, and she wanted nothing more than a long, hot shower. She dismissed Thane and Mordin, then headed straight to her cabin to strip her armour off.

Under the steaming water she finally let herself relax. The tension built up in her neck and back was like a series of rubber bands pulled tight enough to snap. Slowly it began to loosen, and she breathed a sigh of relief. She cranked off the water and stepped out of her tiny bathroom wrapped in a towel.

There was a sudden movement to her right, and a hastily cleared throat. Garrus must have entered the room just as she came out of the shower, and had turned his back when she emerged in her towel.

She couldn't help but grin at the sight of the big Turian practically cowering away from her, his cowl scrunched up by his ears.

"Garrus?"

"Sorry Shepard. I didn't think… I wanted to catch you right away. I came up as soon as Joker said you were back."

Shepard grabbed her black fatigues off the back of her desk chair, and stepped back into the bathroom to change, taking pity on her friend's obvious embarrassment at seeing her squishy pink skin.

"What happened?" She called through the door.

Garrus hummed, loud enough for her to hear. Whatever it was, he was mad.

She stepped out, her hair leaving damp splotches on her shirt. She twisted it hurriedly into a high bun on her head.

"Shepard, Cerberus has been blocking your communications. All the messages you've tried to send to Alenko, Anderson, the Alliance have been blocked. They haven't let anything through to you either."

She stared at him. She should have known, should have guessed that's what they had done. Fury filled her veins with fire.

"Who?"

Garrus fidgeted, just a bit, but it was enough for her to know he knew who it was.

"Garrus, who?" Her voice cracked through the cabin like a whip.

"Miranda. I had Tali double check, just to make sure… but everything went to Miranda, then she blocked or deleted it."

Shepard laughed, a bitter, self depreciating laugh. She was such an idiot. The Cerberus Cheerleader had fully duped her. After everything with Oriana, Shepard had been sure she had gotten through to the Australian. Things had changed, they had finally started to trust one another, and function like a team.

Lies. All of it bullshit. It was like a knife in her guts. Her freshly healed, just beginning to trust again, guts.

Garrus was watching her warily. "What do you want to do?"

She activated her comm. "Thane, I need you to come up to my quarters. Now, please."

She settled her eyes back on Garrus. "I need you to go get Kasumi. I want her cloaked and watching every move Jacob makes until this is done. I don't want him thinking he should run to her rescue. Then I want you to get Zaeed and Grunt, and tell them to wait by the airlock."

"Ok Shepard. Then we are going to talk to Miranda?"

She smiled at him, a cold, empty smile. "No Garrus, _I_ am going to talk to Miranda. With Thane. You are going to get Tali and Mordin, and tell them to hack into the system and try and pull everything you can from Lawson's files. I want it all. I want everything she has ever reported to the Illusive Man."

The door swished open to reveal Thane. The Drell gave a quizzical lift of his brow, and then approached her and Garrus.

"Shepard. How can I be of assistance?" He drawled in his gravelly voice.

Shepard turned to Garrus. "Garrus, I want you in the cockpit with Joker. Everything that is about to happen I want recorded. And if he hesitates when we get to the airlock, I need someone there I know will do what needs to be done."

Garrus was looking at her like he had no idea who she was. "Shepard…what are you going to do?"

"Just go Garrus." She dismissed him, and turned to Thane. She stayed silent until Garrus' broad frame disappeared through the door, ignoring his concerned glance over his shoulder at her.

The Drell hadn't moved, he was still standing with his hands clasped behind his back, his huge eyes watching her every move.

"Thane, I am sorry to ask this of you. I know you are leaving your past behind, but I need someone with your… unique set of skills."

"I shall do anything you ask; you have only to speak it, siha."

She took a deep breath, and settled into her deepest self. The one with laser focus, and the ruthlessness to get the job done, no hesitation.

"I want you to incapacitate Miranda Lawson. I need her to be able to talk, but not move. I need you to be able to inflict pain if she isn't telling me what I need to know. I need you to make her tell me, if I ask it."

His dark eyes were steady on hers, but instead of the judgement she was expecting there was only support.

"This is something you are sure you want to do?" His voice was softer now, and he took a small step closer to her.

"Want to do? No. Have to do? Yes. If she is working against me, she is undermining everything I am trying to do. I can't have her on this ship if she is going to work against me, sabotage me. We are going to go in hard and fast. You will neutralize her, then she gets one chance before we drag her to the airlock. If she proves that she is a danger, I will blow her ass off this ship faster than she can say 'Cerberus'"

"Understood Shepard."

She stood a moment longer, taking strength from those calm unflinching eyes. The she straightened her back and nodded.

"Let's go."

The moved quickly through the ship, and whenever they came across a member of the crew, whatever they saw on Shepards face stopped them in their tracks, expressions frozen on their faces.

She didn't bother to knock on Miranda's door, she just strode in. The brunette was seated at her desk, and had just managed to stand to greet them before Thane was on her.

With brutal precision he jabbed a series of spots on her torso and neck, causing her to collapse with a hoarse cry. Before she hit the ground he was behind her. Her arm was twisted behind her back, and with the smallest amount of effort, he would be able to dislocate her shoulder. He had temporarily paralyzed her from the arms down, and his knee was firmly lodged in the small of her back.

He nodded at Shepard. She was neutralized.

Miranda was panting, and her eyes were glazed slightly with the shock of what had just happened to her. Shepard moved forward and crouched, until she was eye level with Miranda, and their faces were only a foot apart.

"Miranda. You are going to give me everything you have ever sent to the Illusive Man about me, and you are going to tell me why my communications have been blocked. You see, I don't like it when someone betrays me. Especially when I have gone out of my way to save that person's family and make them a trusted part of my team. I want a reason why I shouldn't blow your traitorous ass out of the airlock right now." Shepard's voice was like ice, and all the fine hairs on Miranda's arms were standing on end.

Shepard had been expecting a mulish resistance, a slamming up of walls, with protest's that it was the right thing to do. She got nothing.

Miranda stared at her, still panting slightly, her face a mask.

Shepard stared back.

"Tell me why Miranda. I thought we were past this. I thought you were finally starting to see the Illusive Man for what he is."

Miranda didn't flinch. "He took me in Shepard. Gave me unlimited resources and protection for Oriana."

"He saw an opportunity to mold an extremely powerful young woman into a puppet. He pulls a string, and you dance your ass off for him Miranda. You need to decide right now if you are gonna keep dancing for him, or if you are gonna work with me, and take down the threat to this galaxy…but most of all, you are going to unblock my fucking communications." Shepard spat.

The brunette stayed quiet. Maybe out of true loyalty to the Illusive Man, maybe to see if Shepard was bluffing.

Shepard was not bluffing. She leaned closer to Miranda. "Listen to me Miranda. I know you think you know everything about me. I mean, you rebuilt me right? I'm Commander Shepard, Hero of the Citadel, Saviour of Humanity." The deeper, darker part of Shepard that was so rarely seen was in full control now.

"You don't know everything about me Miranda. I'm a fucking N7. I've done shit for the good of the Alliance that only the brass knows, before they struck it from my records. When you're a N7, you are the person that they send out to get things done. They send you because they know you will do it, no questions asked. I trusted you, hell, I even started to like you. But if you are going to continue to work against me, I have no further use for you. I have always done what needed to be done, and one way or another, you will tell me what I need to know. Make the right decision."

Her face devoid of emotion, Shepard watched Miranda.

Miranda was shaking now, the pain from how Thane was holding her causing her to sweat.

"Shepard… you know he will kill me right?" Miranda's voice held no fear, only bitterness.

Shepard shook her head. "He'll have to go through me Miranda. If you commit yourself to me, to fighting the Reapers instead of furthering his tunnel-visioned agenda, every one of _my_ people become _your_ people. Fuck Cerberus. When this is done, you can walk away. I will always have your back. Can you say the same for him? What happens when his perfect pet does something he doesn't agree with?"

Miranda held her gaze, emotions flitting across her perfect features. When the Australians features settled, she was looking at Shepard with a fierce determination on her face.

Shepard hoped it was the determination to flip the Illusive Man the bird and become a true member of the team.

She nodded at Thane, who release Miranda immediately, but sheathed his fist in a biotic glow instantly in case she tried something.

With a groan, Miranda pulled up her Omni-tool. "I hope to god you mean it Shepard."

With a beep, Miranda's Omni-tool sent a stream of data to Shepard's. Dates, full dossiers, and footage from every camera and message sent on the ship.

It also contained a list of Cerberus cells working against the Alliance as they spoke.

Miranda jiggled her legs, most likely trying to get feeling back to them fully, so as Shepard stood, Thane reached down and helped Miranda to her feet.

"Thank you Miranda. We can do this, all of us, if we act as a team. We all need to be able to trust one another completely to make it through this alive. What you just did shows me we can start re-building that trust. You will of course still report to him non-essential information; we don't need him more suspicious than he already is."

Miranda nodded, and rubbed at her chest absently where Thane had jabbed her.

"Shepard…I was going to tell you, once the mission was done. I already knew I didn't want to stay on with Cerberus once it was all over. It was a good thought, bringing the Drell with you. I didn't think you had this in you." Miranda's voice was balanced between being extremely pissed off, and grudging respect.

Shepard nodded, hey icy rage subsiding in a rush, as her adrenaline drained away. She reached out, and shook Miranda's hand.

"Don't make me regret the second chance Miranda."

Miranda nodded, then added "For the record Shepard, I am sorry. After everything you did for me, and Oriana…well, it wasn't right. I should have stopped it long ago."

Shepard nodded again, and then she and Thane left the room.

Shepard felt weary. She had almost let herself go to a very dark place. She had been so close to telling Thane to dislocate Miranda's arm when it seemed like she wasn't going to talk. It had been years since her interrogation training in the N7 program, and she could still remember the screams of the Batarian as Bog's broke his fingers one by one to get him to talk. She had hoped never to have to use techniques like that, usually preferring to try and talk people around to her point of view.

After everything with Garrus and Sidonis, she felt like a hypocrite. Hadn't she told him if she was ever betrayed she would not let it change her? Well it almost had, and she felt sick about it.

She walked slowly towards the elevator, Thane trailing behind her. Once they were on the elevator, she steered them into her quarters. As the door closed behind them, she took a deep, shuddering breathe, and leaned against a bulkhead.

Thane stood at her side, a silent, solid presence in the dim light.

"Shepard, I believe she spoke without guile or malice. I do not think she means you harm."

Shepard nodded wearily, shame flooding through her. "I'm sorry Thane. I'm sorry I asked you to do th-"

"You must never apologize to me, siha. You have given me another chance with Kolyat. Another chance at living, before I die. I am your arm to help you in any way I can."

"Siha. You've called me that before. What does it mean?" Her curiosity was pricked by the use of the nickname. Perhaps the story of why he called her that would pull her from her dark thoughts.

Thane turned his head, looking right at her. She shifted, moving from the bulkhead to rest her hip against her desk instead. His eyes flashed at something behind her, his inner eyelids blinking twice, in rapid succession before he schooled his face back into its usual tranquil state.

"Siha means one of the Warrior Angels of Arashu. Fierce in wrath. A tenacious protector. Irikah was a siha. I believe you are one too."

Shepard was still, her heart beating rapidly. _Holy shit, holy shit… He can't be. There's no way he-_

"This photo. He is the one the crew speaks about, yes? He was with you on the first Normandy?"

Shepard twisted, seeing his gaze was locked on the picture of Kaidan, which had flickered to life when she leaned next to it.

"Oh. Um yeah, that is Kaidan. Commander Kaidan Alenko, now."

Thane took a step closer, head tilted as he studied the photo. "He is…Special to you?"

She blushed a bit. This was definitely a weird conversation to be having right on the heels of what had just happened in Miranda's office.

"Yeah, he is. When this is over…If I get out of this… well Kaidan and I have some things we need to figure out."

He turned those huge eyes on her, and for the briefest of moment she thought she saw a flash of grief.

"He is your mate. The one you wish to spend your life with." He said it simply, but kept his eyes on hers. Even as he said them, she knew the words were true.

She just nodded at him, her throat feeling thick.

"Then may Arashu protect you, until you return to him."

Thane gave her a tiny bow, then with a last glance at the portrait, left the room.

Shepard stood, staring at the photo. She thought of all the evenings spent with Thane talking about life and religion. Had she ever given him the wrong impression? She didn't think so, but she had the sinking feeling that talking to her about Kaidan is not what he had wanted when he told her about 'siha'.

Thane's words rolled through her mind. ' _He is your mate. The one you wish to spend your life with_ '. It felt right, when he said it. She only hoped she still had the chance. She was brought out of her musing's by Joker's voice over the comms.

"Commander, Garrus has gotten everyone to stand down, and Miranda just uploaded everything she has to your terminal. Chakwas says she'll be fine. A little miffed, but fine."

"Thanks' Joker. Tell Garrus to get some rest, I am going to need him to help me sort through all these reports tomorrow."

"Aye aye, Commander."

Shepard looked at the blinking green light on her terminal. Once she sat down and looked at the messages, she saw everything she had tried to send out. In amongst those, were three to her. All dated for that day."

Two were heavily encrypted, forwarded from Garrus' address, and one was from Hackett. She looked at Hackett's name, and then exhaled deeply. She wasn't ready for that one just yet. She opened the first of the encrypted messages.

Her eyes flicked faster and faster across the screen as she devoured Anderson's mail. As much as she wished it didn't, Anderson's words hit her hard. The wound she had buried deep inside her burst open in a flare of pain. Anderson shutting her down, refusing to tell her about Kaidan, refusing to give her much of anything…

The fact that he was sending this, knowing Cerberus could probably see it, spoke volumes about how badly he wanted her to know how sorry he was. She knew what it cost him to speak so honestly. The wound began to heal. Anderson had her back again, he said he trusted her. He would help her get back in with the Alliance.

He said Kaidan hadn't gotten any messages either.

Suddenly she couldn't open the other encrypted message fast enough.

It was from Kaidan. The chains she had so meticulously wrapped around her heart slithered away as she read his words, once, then twice. He wanted to be here, with her, Cerberus or no Cerberus. He wanted her to come home.

He still loved her.

The heaviness she hadn't known she was carrying lifted from her shoulders, and she couldn't stop the foolish grin from spreading over her face. There were still questions she wasn't able to answer. She was still up against impossible odds.

But now she had something to cherish and protect. She had something that was hers to hold on to and fight for.

A future.


	29. Chapter 29

**Authors Note: OK Guys. At the moment I am without a Beta reader, as mine is on Hiatus for a bit. So please be forgiving of any mistakes.**

 **We are starting to get down to those last crucial missions now... so Enjoy the ride!**

Chapter Twenty-nine

Shepard stalked through the Normandy, bristling with the force of how uncomfortable she was. She swallowed hard, trying to force the memory of Morinth, Samara's daughter, from her mind. Everything had started off going to plan. Samara had found reports of Morinth on Omega so they had headed there to let the Justicar apprehend her.

Once on Omega, they were just a few days too late. Morinth had killed a young girl, an artist. It was then that Samara had explained what Morinth truly was, and was capable of.

She was an Ardat-Yakshi. An Asari with a type of genetic default. If you let an Ardat-Yakshi mind meld with you, you died. They would completely burn out your mind and nervous system. Worse, everything about them drew you in. How they smelt, their voice's, their bodies. They were an Apex predator.

A shudder ripped through Shepard, and she gritted her teeth against the pain and sensations in her head. Shepard had been used as bait. Dressed up by Kasumi and sent into the club to mingle, and hope to be approached by Morinth, while Samara kept a sharp eye out. Everything had gone to plan. Morinth had approached Shepard, and they had sat for some drinks and conversation. Then, they went back to Morinth's apartment.

That's where it had gone wrong. Samara had been a fraction to slow, and once Morinth had realised Shepard was not who she seemed, she had forced the meld.

It had been agony.

It had felt like talons tearing into her skull, ripping away essential pieces of herself. What in reality had been seconds, to Shepard was like long minutes. Morinth had torn down into the deepest part of herself, where she kept those most painful and precious memories hidden. The Asari had ruthlessly torn into the memories of Kaidan, of her family, and twisted them.

Another shudder tore through Shepard. She stepped with shaky legs off the elevator towards her cabin, but stopped at the door, and just sat. Unable to go any farther. Again and again her mind was bombarded with memories, the old true ones first, followed by the twisted, heart wrenching abominations planted by Morinth.

 _Lily laying in the grass, her white dress with blue flowers slowly turning red, her blue eyes gone glassy._

 _Her mother, dead eyes staring at her through the crack in the wardrobe door._

 _Kaidan's face above her, leaning down to kiss her, oh so gently the night before Ilos._

 _Her mother, twisted in a passionate embrace with the Batarian that gunned down her father, her eyes as cold as her smile as they looked over his shoulder at the frightened child in the doorway._

 _Kaidan, blood pouring from a gunshot wound to the gut, lying on the presidium. His eyes shocked and accusing on hers, and on the gun in her hand._

 _Kaidan, face gone blank, amber eyes glassy. Dead._

Shepard punched the command on the door and just made it to her washroom before she started vomiting. She clamped her hands on her head, willing the images away. She sat, in her washroom, head clenched tightly in her hands as they tore through her mind again and again.

"Shepard?" The voice asking was soft, unsure.

"I'm here Tali." Shepard groaned, getting slowly to her feet and rinsing her mouth. The throb in her head felt like it was going to split her skull in two. She moved slowly out of the washroom, and leaned against the wall facing her Quarian friend.

"Keelah…Shepard, are you alright?" Tali's voice was full of concern.

"I will be. It's just… god Tali. Morinth, she ripped into my head, planted images of things…I can't stop seeing them."

"Is there anything I can do? Anything that will help?" Tali's hand settled gently onto Shepard's shoulder.

"Actually…Can you tell Joker to set course for Illium, then tell Miranda she has the deck? I am going to get something from Chakwas for my head, if I don't I think it will split right in two."

"Of course Shepard. I will tell them right away. I hope whatever Chakwas gets you helps. I can't imagine someone being able to force into your mind like that…I'm sorry."

Shepard smiled at her. "Oh Tali…only you would be sorry for something that you had absolutely nothing to do with."

Tali wrung her hands and Shepard was sure if she could see the Quarians face she would be blushing.

"It's the thought that counts." Tali quipped at her, then with a last squeeze of her shoulder, she headed off to do as Shepard asked.

Moving slowly, Shepard made her way down the stairs in her cabin to sit gingerly on the edge of the bed. She sent a message to Chakwas, then concentrated on breathing in and out, all the while trying to stay out of her own head.

With a hiss the door to her cabin swished open and Chakwas stepped through.

"Shepard. I understand there was an incident with the Ardat-Yakshi?"

Shepard snorted, then immediately regretted it. "You could say that. She tried to force a meld…it wasn't pleasant. She forced me to see things…" Shepard cut herself off, not wanting to voice exactly what Morinth had made her see.

Chakwas flared her nostrils in indignation. "Force a meld! Of all the barbaric…well, we will give you a shot for the pain, and I suggest you let me give you something to help you sleep. It will all be for naught if you can't sleep because of the things in your mind."

How the doctor always seemed to know just what was troubling her, Shepard would never know. With a grateful smile, Shepard nodded, and Chakwas prepared the shots.

After fussing over Shepard a little longer, and making sure she would get a tray of dinner sent up to her room, Chakwas bustled out in a flurry of efficiency. Shepard sighed and lay back on her bed, looking up at the stars through the view port above her bed.

She lay, watching the blue waves caused by FTL travel dance back and forth across the stars. It was quite pretty really. It reminded her of how how Kaidan looked when he let his biotics dance across his skin. Her eyes began to feel heavy, and she drifted into sleep.

 _She ran, chasing after the flash of blue that always seemed to be just out of sight ahead of her. The feeling of urgency in her was strong. She had to be faster, she had to catch…it? Him?_

 _Her legs pumping hard, she rounded another corner, a quick glimpse of a leg clad in blue armour tantalizing her by slipping around a bend just ahead. With a last burst of speed, she raced around the corner only to stop dead as she cleared the edge._

 _Kaidan was standing on the Presidium in bright blue armour, flames and billowing smoke behind him. He had a pistol pointed right at her face. His face was wary and he was saying something to her, but she couldn't hear. There was a noise in her ears like a constant buzzing, drowning everything else out._

 _The vision of him wavered, going out of focus, and suddenly she was looking deep into his eyes. The amber colour was so vivid, and they shone with the passion and caring that made her love him. Her vision blurred and wavered again and suddenly she had a pistol in her hand, pointing at him._

 _He looked like he was going to lower his, and was still saying something to her that she couldn't hear over the muffling noise in her head. She could feel how heavy the pistol felt in her hand, could feel the tension in her finger on the trigger._

 _A part of her mind was beating its fist's against its cage, screaming at her to stop, to think. In the blink of an eye, Kaidan's beloved face became hard, cold, and the tip of the pistol raised slightly towards her head._

 _The finger on the trigger of her pistol tensed and the crack it made as it discharged was deafening. The voice in her mind was howling with grief and rage as She watched Kaidan's face go blank with shock. He took a small step towards her, then slumped to the ground, a red stain spreading slowly out from beneath him._

No! Nononono! I shot him _. She tried to run forward, limbs dragging as though battling through thick molasses. By the time she reached him his beautiful eyes were dimming._

" _Shepard I…" The light left his face, and with a sigh he was gone._

 _She went completely numb. She looked at the pistol in her hand. She was a murderer. She had killed the man she loved in cold blood, with no reason._

 _She was no savior, no hero. She looked up at the Asari standing above her._

" _You don't deserve him Shepard. You've never deserved him. Every one who loves you dies. Your family, your friends. You are the bringer of death." Morinth said in a cold tone._

 _Images tore through Shepards mind like claws, leaving painful furrows of grief in their wake._

 _Ashley, gunned down, the water around her red and green with the blood of the Salarians surrounding her._

 _Jack, covered in blood crashing lifeless to the floor._

 _Kasumi disappearing into a ball of flames._

 _Thane impaled by a huge metal beam, going limp as a rag doll._

 _Jacob, Zaeed, Mordin, Tali all gunned down by collectors, one after another._

 _Grunt devoured before her eyes by a seeker swarm._

 _Joker, screaming in agony as the Normandy went down in a ball of flames._

 _Chakwas and Kelly, melting before her eyes as though doused in acid._

 _Miranda, crushed under an enormous metal beam, blood leaking from her mouth._

 _Garrus, shot in the gut and dying in her arms while a hail of bullets surrounded them._

 _With a scream Shepard pulled herself out of the torrent of images and raised the pistol towards the Asari standing over her. She emptied her pistol into the alien until Morinth fell to the ground._

 _Those cold blue eyes flashed black as Morinth gasped. "You'll kill them all…"_

Shepard shot upright in bed covered in sweat, a scream strangling in her throat. She looked wildly around, realising she was on the Normandy.

"EDI, crew status report. Now" She gasped.

The blue orb flickered to life at the far side of the cabin. "Operatives Lawson and Taylor are asleep. As are Grunt, Ms. Goto, Officer Vakarian, Zaeed and Dr. Chakwas. Jack is writing in the Cargo Hold. Dr. Solus is singing in the Lab, and Tali Zorah is working on a terminal in Engineering. Ser Krios is meditating in life support. Mr. Moreau is at the helm. Nothing out of the ordinary Commander."

"Thank you EDI."

Shepard struggled to keep her breathing calm, but she kept seeing them dead, over and over. A sob ripped free.

 _It's not real Jane. It is all in your head. It's not real_. Another sob tore loose, and suddenly she was hysterically crying. She couldn't seem to catch her breath. The more she tried to hold them in, the harder the sobs shook her frame. She was having a panic attack. She was bent over her knee's, trying to force air into her body, and didn't notice the tell-tale swoosh of her cabin door opening.

Suddenly the green eyed, bearded face of Joker was in front of her. His strong hands gripped hers tightly and he said "Breathe Shepard. Just follow me."

His hands were holding hers tightly as he made exaggerated deep breathes in and out, in and out. She tried to match him, but the gasping sobs were hard to stop. He stayed exactly where he was, just doing the deep breathes. Slowly, she was able to match him for a few, then a few more. The racking sobs finally stopped, and she was left feeling completely drained as the occasional shudder ran through her frame.

Joker's hands were rubbing hers now, and she lifted her tear streaked face to meet his worried gaze.

"I'm sorry Jeff." Her voice was raspy, and felt raw. She shivered and he scooted closer, rubbing his hands briskly along her bare arms.

"That Asari really pulled a number on you, hey Shepard?" His voice was soft. Not a hint of his usual teasing in his tone.

"She raped my mind. Made me see things that weren't real, that never happened. I can't stop seeing it. I dreamt… I saw… everyone dead. You,Tali, Garrus…Kaidan-" She cut off and swallowed hard, pulling away from his gaze.

"Jane… It's ok. It was just a dream. Something she made up. Your fine, we are fine."

"It's not just a dream! Everything that Bitch said is true. Everybody dies Jeff. My Parents, Lily, Ash… And now I am leading everyone on this suicide mission thinking I can get you all out safely. Fuck, I even killed me!"

Joker's face was shocked. "Shepard-"

"I'm glad, really." Shepard pushed to her feet, pacing away from him and around the room. "I am glad that Kaidan isn't here. I'm glad I don't have to watch the light in his eyes fade. I'm glad at least he is safe."

She leaned her fist's against the cold glass of the fish tank, fighting the tears burning the back of her eyes.

A rough hand was on her shoulder, spinning her around.

"Fuck that Shepard! This isn't you. Yeah, your parents died, and Ash died. But that wasn't on you. You saved thousands of people on Elysium, Shepard. Thousands. You saved thousands more on the Citadel. You died, saving _me_! So Morinth fucked you over, made you see some shit that no one should have to see, but you are Commander Jane Fucking Shepard. When has a little mind fuckery made you give up? You had a Prothean beacon jammed in your head, and it only made you fight harder. _This isn't you_."

He was breathing hard, his eyes lit with conviction.

"How do you know Jeff? How can you think it will all be okay? After everything we have seen?"

He grinned at her, that cocksure grin he always had. "Because you have the best damn pilot in the galaxy on your side, not to mention a kick ass team of crazies willing to walk into hell at your side. Jeez Shepard. Do you really think anyone else in the galaxy could have gotten all these people to work together? I know we will all get through it because we have you. And you wont ever leave someone behind."

She stared at him. At the belief burning behind his green eyes. Belief in her.

She squared her shoulders. Even if she did worry, Joker was right. She was the one that pulled them all together. If she fell apart, so would they. She didn't want to think about what would happen if they hit the Collector home world with her acting like this. She had to be strong. She had to believe in them, in herself.

"Jeff, I'm sorry. That's twice now you've had to come up here and mop me up." She gave him a crooked little smile in apology.

"Hah! Shepard, you're one of my best friends. The least I can do is be a shoulder sometimes. Besides, it's not exactly hard on the old ego to have a beautiful woman cry her eyes out on you because she had a bad dream." He winked at her.

She laughed, and the last vestiges of the visions faded away. These were her people. Fuck Morinth and, as Joker said 'her mindfuckery'. She would do what she always did. Bring them home.

"Alright Moreau, let's just make sure that ego doesn't get any bigger, hmm. Otherwise I seriously doubt your ability to get your fat head out of the airlock!"

He clutched a hand over his heart in mock pain. "Oh! You wound me Shepard!"

She smiled, and leaned over and hugged him gently. "Thank you Jeff. It means a lot to have you here." She broke off the hug, then scrubbed a hand over her face briskly. "Well, since we are both up, you might as well set course for Illium. We need to go and see Liara."

"Sure thing Shepard, Tali told me. See you at breakfast." He fired her a cheeky salute, then turned and headed back towards the bridge.

After the door closed behind him, Shepard decided to jump in the shower. She was covered in dried sweet, and she wanted to wash the memories of the nightmare away. As she moved towards the washroom, the picture on her desk flickered to life. She picked up the picture of Kaidan and held it, examining the planes of his face.

Somewhere out there he was alive and well, and fighting for her to have something to come back to. She pictured his lopsided grin and flashing eyes when he found something funny. She pictured his lips, and his husky voice whispering something in her ear when he checked the seals on her armour.

She smiled at the photo, and trailed a finger down his face. He was alive, and so was she. Now all she had to do was keep it that way.

00oo00oo00

Shepard sat in Port Observation staring blearily at the shot of whisky in front of her. Zaeed was on her right, telling some outrageous story about ripping off a Krogans head plate with a knife to Jack, who was downing shots like they were water.

Garrus was on her left, with the same slightly glazed expression on his face as was on hers.

Liara was the new Shadow Broker. _Liara_.

It still didn't seem real. When they had arrived back on Illium, there had been an absolute shit storm. Liara revealed that she was the one who had given Shepard's body to Cerberus. Apparently she had been trying to find it, with the help of her friend Feron, and they discovered that the shadow broker wanted it to give to the Collectors. She chose Cerberus instead, and the Shadow Broker had not been amused. Feron had been taken and Liara assumed he was dead.

Well, it turns out he wasn't. He was a prisoner of the Shadow Broker, and had been for just over two years. They decided to meet at Liara's apartment, as the Asari needed to check something out with one of her contacts without Shepard. That's when things got really crazy.

Liara's apartment had been shot up, she was missing, and a Spectre got involved. It was about as FUBAR as things could get.

Turned out the Spectre, Tela Vasir, had been bought by the Shadow broker, and was supposed to eliminate Liara, as she was working her ass off to bring him down. The battle had been intense, and there were civilian casualties, as the shadows broker blew up three floors of an office building trying to kill Liara.

Once Vasir was dead, they had been able to discover the lair of the Shadow Broker. It was on Hagalaz. An inhabitable planet that felt like it's sole purpose is to kill you.

The Shadow Broker's ship was huge, and untraceable due to the fact that it lived in a permanent lightning storm. It had taken them hours to battle along the immense ship, and finally find Feron.

He was not in good shape. The Shadow broker had been torturing him for years, and when Shepard found him, he had been hooked up to some kind of torture chair. If you attempted to free him from it, he was jolted with electricity. They were forced to leave him there, and go on to confront the Shadow Broker.

Shepard tossed back the shot in front of her, grimacing at the burn and the memory of the Shadow broker.

He had been a Yahg. Shepard hadn't ever seen something like him before, but Liara knew what he was. And it hadn't been good. Yang's were an extremely aggressive and incredibly smart race, that were barred from Citadel space after massacring the Council delegation. They were also enormous. Over 10 feet of sold muscle and razor sharp teeth and claws.

Liara, Shepard and Garrus had been about to engage the monstrous Broker when, in a flurry of speed, he threw his desk across the room at them. Shepard and Liara had managed to dive out of the way, their smaller frames fast and agile.

Garrus had not been so lucky. The desk had hit the Turian full in the chest, send him flying across the room and knocking him out cold.

Shepard snuck a peek at him from the corner of her eye. He gingerly touched the fresh bandage on the side of his face and then flung back another shot.

Once they had finally gotten the Broker down, by using his own ships lighting gathering against him, calls started pouring in from his contacts all across the Galaxy. They had been frozen, unsure of what to do. The Liara had stepped up to the console and issued the command for everyone to proceed as normal.

The console used a voice scrambler, so whoever stood at it sounded the same. She became the new Shadow broker.

Shepard had left Liara and Feron, who would recover but was definitely going to need to take it easy for a long, long time, on the Shadow Broker vessel to begin the tedious process of taking charge of the vast networks of spies throughout the galaxy.

She poured herself another shot, and slammed it down, ignoring Jack's cheers as she did so. She caught Garrus' eye and he grinned at her, then started to laugh. It was contagious. Soon everyone in the room was laughing with him. As one, they raised their glasses and toasted the new Shadow Broker.

"To Liara. Shy Prothean expert turned galaxies number one information broker and badass. May she always be on our side!"

00oo00oo00

With a groan, Shepard rolled over in her bed and stared blearily at the alarm chirping incessantly at her from her night stand. She threw out her arm and sent it crashing to the floor, but it didn't stop. Cursing under her breath she grabbed it and turned it off. Sitting on the edge of her bed, cradling her head in her hands she regretted immensely the overindulgence of the night before.

With a grunt, she heaved herself off her bed and staggered into her shower, turning it on full cold and stepping under the spray with a small shriek. Stepping out after a quick washing of her hair, her head felt much clearer. Her terminal light was blinking at her, and she decided she would finally read the message from Hackett.

Her hangover vanished instantly. Alchera. He wanted her to go to Alchera and recover the dog tags from the crew that died on the first Normandy, and place a monument there. Her heart pounded, and her mouth went dry. Alchera, the place where she died.

She closed her eyes and thought vainly of a way to refuse. But it was no good. She thought of the crew that had died. She thought of Pressley. She had to go, she owed it to them. She dressed in her black fatigues. She had bought them on the Citadel, she needed something without Cerberus logo's and she didn't have any alliance fatigues so they would have to do.

She fired off a message asking Chakwas, Joker, Garrus and Tali to meet her in the comm room. She went through the mess and asked Mess Sergeant Gardner to whip up a hearty breakfast. When she stepped through the doors to the comm room, everyone else was already waiting.

They watched her curiously as she took a deep breath, and moved to the front of the room.

"I have received a request from Admiral Hackett-" She started, only to be cut off by Joker.

"What! After everything they did, the Alliance thinks they can ask you for favours!"

She shot him a look, and he shut up, but still looked pissed. "As I was saying, I received a request from Admiral Hackett to fly to Alchera and retrieve the dog tags of the members of the crew that perished on the first Normandy."

The silence rang through the comm room as everyone digested this. Shepard scanned their faces intently. Garrus hummed, then met her gaze head on, and gave her a tiny nod. She smiled at him slightly in relief. He would join her.

"As each of you served on the original Normandy, I wanted to ask if you wanted to join me. I thought we could honor our crew mates together. Along with collecting the tags, we are going to place a monument honoring those who gave their lives in service."

Garrus stood up instantly, followed by Tali. "We would be honored to go down there with you Shepard." Garrus said in his rumbling tones.

She looked at Joker and Chakwas. Chakwas stood up first. "Shepard, if you have a suit for me, It would mean a lot to me to join you. Pressley and I, we were very close. I would be honored to share in placing a monument for him, and the others."

Shepard looked at Joker, who was looking at the floor, his hands gripping each other tightly. She stepped over to him, and knelt in front of him, mirroring the pose he had taken with her after her nightmare a few days before.

"Jeff, if you don't want to go down there I understand."

He looked up at her, his expression shattered. "They are dead because of me Shepard. I can't…"

"Jeff Moreau, if you hadn't stayed in that pilot's seat for as long as you did evading those beams, all of us would be dead. The died because of the Collectors, not because of you. We all did everything we could." Her voice was soft, quiet in the somber comm room.

He held her gaze for a few heartbeats, then sighed. "O.K Shepard. Let's do it. All of us."

Six hours later the five of them stood on the icy planet of Alchera, looking at the broken remains of the original Normandy.

It was silent except for the sound of their breathing through the comms. "Ok. Let's start looking." Shepard said quietly, and linking her arm through Joker's so she could support him, they moved off toward the largest piece of hull. The bodies they came across were unrecognizable. Charred and twisted they barely resembled humans. Shepards hand shook at she reached down and took the first set of tag's gently from the corpse.

Raymond Tanaka. He had been one of the team mates that worked on the survey terminals with Kaidan. She tucked his tags gently into the pouch on her hip, and they continued forward.

An hour later they stood before the shattered remains of the cockpit. Joker's hands were shaking, and his breathing was harsh and erratic. Shepard reached down towards a data pad sticking out of the snow at her feet.

It was Pressley's. After reading it, and letting a smile cross her face at her old XO's words, she called Chakwas over and passed it to her for safekeeping. Then she released Jokers hand and moved into the ruined ship. Near the very front, she found the last set of tags. As she stood, so close to the pilots chair an image of Joker flashed through her mind. Cocksure grin on his face as he boasted to Anderson about being the best Pilot in the galaxy.

As she turned to move back towards the little group waiting outside the ruins, there was a sharp gasp through the comm and Garrus said her name. She looked over to where he was bent down by the edge of a huge snowdrift. He jumped to his feet and stepped back from a lump on the ground as though it had shocked him.

She motioned for the others to wait, and headed towards Garrus. A sharp keening cam through the comm, then cut off abruptly as Garrus clicked off the public channel. Shepard immediately activated their private channel and the keening continued.

By the time she reached him the sound he was making was soft, and absolutely heartbreaking. His huge shoulders shook slightly as she moved up beside him.

"Garrus what?-" Her voice died out as she saw what he had found.

There in the snow was her helmet. The helmet she had been wearing when she was sent spinning into the void.

This was where she had lain, before Liara sent her to Cerberus. This was her grave.

She went down on her knee's and her hand shook violently as she brushed the snow off the N7 helmet. As soon as she picked it up, she was back there.

 _Shepard spun, flashes of the stars and burning wreckage coming in and out of focus as she turned. She could hear the harsh rasp of her breathing and a chilling pressure building in her chest for just a moment before her suit started screaming with alarms._

 _Hose breach._

 _Even as she scrambled frantically for the hose, trying desperately to plug it, she knew it was hopeless._

 _As she spun around and around in the vastness of space, her lungs shredding as she desperately tried to breathe air that was no longer there, she thought of Kaidan. She tried to tell him she loved him, in case there was a tiny chance he could hear._

 _But no noise escaped her except the tortured sound of dying lungs trying desperately to breathe. She pictured his face, trying to bring it to the front of her mind._

 _Then it all went black._

She was flat on her back, choking and gasping and clawing at her helmet. Suit alarms blared and shrieked at her. Garrus was prying her hand's away from her helmet seals and screaming her name. He lay half on top of her to stop her mad thrashing.

Some part of her brain registered that he was there, that she could see his face so she wasn't spinning endlessly and dying in the vacuum of space. She forced herself to stop clawing at her helmet, but she still couldn't breathe. Suddenly Garrus' face was gone, replaced by Joker's. He pressed the glass of his helmet right up against hers and yelled "Breathe with me Shepard!"

She could hear the deep breathes he was making. In and out, in and out, just as he had after her nightmare days before. Her hands were still tightly gripped by Garrus and she could here the horrible keening noise he was making even with his comm clicked off.

"Focus Shepard! Breathe!" Joker said, bumping his helmet against hers to make her focus. She manages a gasping breathe, then another.

Once she managed to get some oxygen back into her system, she realised she had had another panic attack. Chakwas had said she would suffer from PTSD, that after something so traumatic, there's no way she wouldn't. But this…

If Garrus hadn't been next to her she would have torn off her helmet. She would be dead right now.

She used Garrus' death grip on her hands to pull herself into a sitting position. Behind Garrus and Joker, Tali and Chakwas stood gripping each other and watching as though frozen. Upon seeing her sit up, Chakwas released Tali and moved to Shepard's side. Joker rolled away from her, and moved to comfort Tali. Garrus remained where he was, her hands clutched tightly in his, the keening dying away.

Chakwas scanned her and checked her vitals. "Shepard. You had a panic attack. Jeff said he had been through this with you before, and I am glad to see he knew what he was doing. How are you feeling now?"

Her head throbbed and she felt like she was going to be sick. "I'm fine Karin. Tired, and pretty embarrassed actually."

Chakwas tutted at her sharply. "You have nothing to be embarrassed about. Seeing something like that." She gestured to the helmet laying forgotten beside Shepard. "After what you've been through would have set anyone off. I want to do a full scan on you once we get back to the Normandy."

Shepard nodded her head wearily. "Let's place the monument and get the hell out of here. I never want to see this place again." Chakwas nodded and moved away. Shepard looked at Garrus, still crouched next to her, still holding her hands as though scared to let them go.

"Garrus?"

He shuddered and his hands tightened reflexively.

"Garrus…I'm ok. Let's get out of here. Garrus?"

He nodded and released her hands. They moved back towards the Kodiak, and placed the monument beside the largest piece of wreckage, jutting out of the snow with the words Normandy emblazed across its ruined frame. Shepard tucked her old helmet under her arm and brought it with her.

The ride back to the Normandy was silent. Shepard kept shooting worried glances at Garrus, who was still silent. Once on board they all stripped out of their armour. Chakwas reminded Shepard to report to the med bay for a full check-up. She nodded, then motioned her head towards Garrus, who was sitting behind the weapons bench, head bowed.

Everyone silently left the bay, leaving them alone.

She sat next to him. "Garrus-"

"I should have left it. I should never have shown you." His dual toned voice rang with pain.

"Oh Garrus, it's not your fault. If you hadn't been there to stop me…"

"You died Shepard. You died and I wasn't there. And today… today you almost died again and I couldn't…I couldn't." He keened softly again and Shepard suddenly realised that the noise was how Turians cried.

She moved off the bench and knelt in front of him. Apparently survivor's guilt was affecting crew mates who hadn't even been on the Normandy when it blew up.

She reached up and cradled his face in her hands.

"Garrus, It's over now. I am back, and you are here and we made it through. If it hadn't been for you today, I would have clawed my own helmet off. If it hadn't been for you, I would be dead. You had my back, as you always do. I'm sorry, so sorry I scared you like that. As soon as I touched it I was there again, spinning away into space listening to my air bleed out. I just lost it…"

He bent his head and rested his forehead against hers. The keening faded away. They sat there for long minutes, until all the tension fell away. When Garrus finally pulled his forehead from hers, his eyes were clear.

"Shepard… You scared me today. More than anything else has. We are a team. There's no Vakarian without Shepard, so remember that the next time you try to kill your self, hmm."

She smiled at him, more proud than she could put into words at his brave attempt to lighten the mood. She truly didn't deserve a friend like him.

"Right. No Shepard without Vakarian either. I better get up to med bay before Chakwas sends a search party."

He nodded, and she stood up with a groan. As they took the elevator up to the crew deck, Shepard turned to him before heading into the med bay.

"Garrus?"

"Yeah Shepard?"

"Thank you."

"Anytime Jane. Anytime."


	30. Chapter 30

**Authors Note: Sorry about this being a little late guys, I am still without a Beta, so it is taking me a bit more time. I apologize for any mistakes I may have missed.**

 **Enjoy!**

Chapter Thirty

"Commander? You better head down to engineering and check on Tali. She is pretty upset about something."

Joker's voice brought Shepard awake instantly. She had dosed off at her desk, her cheek resting on a data pad. She groaned as her muscles protested when she moved out of her not-so-comfy napping position. She scrubbed a hand down her face, and grimaced at the huge indent in the side of her cheek from the edge of the data pad.

 _Nothing I can do about it now_. With a sigh, she headed down to engineering. Once she made it into the drive core, she saw just how right Joker was to send her down to check on Tali. Her friend was pacing back and forth, wringing her hands together and muttering something to herself. When she saw Shepard, she turned towards her instantly.

"Shepard. I'm glad you came by. I may need your help." Tali's voice held a bit of a quaver, and Shepard could tell that she had been crying.

"Of course Tali, whatever you need."

Tali began to pace. "I just received a message form the migrant fleet. The Admiralty board has accused me of treason… I'm scared Shepard."

Shepard sucked in a breath. "No one who knows you could believe that you would betray your people Tali. This is crazy!"

"I don't know…They don't lay charges like this unless the evidence seems absolute. But thanks, I appreciate your faith in me, Shepard."

Shepard stepped closer, putting a hand on Tali's shoulder. "Tali… Is it because you are working with Cerberus?"

Tali drew herself up to her full height and spat "I am not working with Cerberus! I am working with you! And besides, I got leave to work on the Normandy again." She paced a couple more times, then said quietly. "I have no idea what they are accusing me of. You'd think I'd remember if I betrayed the fleet!"

"Ok. We will figure this out. What happens when a Quarian is accused of treason?"

"Umm…There's a hearing, with members of the Admiralty board acting as Judges. My father is an admiral on the board. He'll have to recuse himself from judgement. I can't even imagine what he is going through right now."

A sob escaped Tali's mouth, and she turned away taking a few steps towards the bulkhead to compose herself before turning back to face Shepard.

"Shepard… The punishment for treason is exile. If they convict me, I can never go back."

Shepard didn't hesitate. "Ok Tali. Let's go find the flotilla."

Tali's shoulder's slumped in relief, and her voice was full of emotion when she replied.

"Really Shepard? I was going to book passage on another ship. I didn't think we'd have time…what with the Collectors and all."

Shepard waved a hand nonchalantly. "We will deal with those ugly fuckers soon enough. Let's get you taken care of first."

00oo00oo00

Shepard, Tali and Joker were on the bridge as they approached the Flotilla. Tai had warned them ahead of time that you couldn't dock with the Flotilla without a pass phrase. Shepard couldn't help the feeling of awe that swept over her as they approached. The Quarian live-ships were enormous. There was something about the cluster of ships that made a shiver run up her spine; Quarians lived their whole lives on these vessels, some from birth to death, without ever leaving.

Growing up on Mindoir, Shepard knew about Spacer kids. Kids that grew up on starships and space stations, hardly ever setting foot on real planets. She couldn't imagine it. She loved the feel of grass under her feet, the sounds the animals made, and the smell after it rained.

She and Kaidan had talked about it, while they were on leave. He had wanted to bring her to earth, to spend time at his parent's orchard. They talked about some of the little things that they missed the most while they were in space. For Shepard it was standing outside in a hard rain, just feeling it wash everything away.

For Kaidan it had been watching the sun rise and set. The way the colors danced across the sky, painting a different picture everyday, no matter where you were in the world. His gorgeous eyes had lit up when he was talking about it, and in that moment Shepard had wanted nothing more than to go to earth and watch the sunset with him.

Tali's voice brought Shepard out of her musings. "This is Tali'Zorah vas Neema nar Rayya requesting permission to dock with the Rayya."

A Quarian voice came through the bridge's comm system. "Our system has your shipped flagged as Cerberus. Verify."

Tali took a deep breath. "After time adrift among open stars, along tides of light and through shoals of dust, I will return to where I began."

"Permission granted. Welcome home Tali'Zorah."

"We'd like a security and quarantine team to meet us. Our ship is not clean."

"Understood. Approach exterior docking cradle 17."

Shepard quirked an eyebrow at Tali. "Our ship is not clean?"

Tali shrugged as she explained. "Very few non-Quarians ever come to the Flotilla Shepard. It is a courtesy to request quarantine. Our immune systems, as you know, are very easily corrupted."

They were silent as the Normandy went through the docking procedures. As Shepard prepared to step off, Thane joined them. Shepard had wanted Thane with her through this mission, as she figured it was going to be at least slightly diplomatic, and Thane was a strong silent presence. Garrus was her go to in all situations, but could be just as hot tempered as her, and she wanted a calming presence at her side.

The moved into the decontamination chamber, and awaited the Quarians to allow them onto the Rayya. Once they were through, they were met by a gathering of Quarians. The foremost Quarian stepped forward and inclined his head towards them.

"Captain Shepard. I am Captain Kar'Danna. Tali'Zorah told me a lot about you. I wish we were meeting under more pleasant circumstances."

She nodded at him. "Actually, I've never actually made the rank of Captain. Technically, I am no longer in the Alliance military at all."

Kar'Danna shook his head. "You are the Commander of the Normandy, responsible for the lives aboard it. That entitles you to respect among our people."

Tali looked at Shepard as Kar'Danna bowed his head. "May you stand between your crew and harm as you lead them through the empty quarters of the stars."

Something about the saying resonated strongly with Shepard. She had always been the type of person, type of leader, that would never send someone to do something that she wouldn't do. And she always made sure that she was the last one out, and the first one in, when things were hairy. She smiled at Kar'Danna warmly.

"Keelah se'lai. It's an old ship-captains blessing Shepard." Tali murmured softly to her.

"Tali has helped the Normandy's crew out of many difficult situations. I'm here to return the favor."

"I understand. As the Commander of the vessel she serves on, your voice carries weight." Kar'Danna's gaze moved to Tali. "I wish I could do more to help. The trial requires that I be officially neutral but… I'm here, if you need to talk."

"Thank you. I appreciate it Kar." Tali whispered.

Kar'Danna straightened his shoulders and moved into a military posture. "They are charging you with bringing active Geth into the fleet as a part of a secret project."

Tali reeled with shock. "That's insane! I never brought active Geth aboard. I only sent parts and pieces!"

Shepard's head whipped around to face Tali. "You sent Geth materials back to the migrant fleet?"

"Yes. My Father was working on a project. He needed the materials. If I sent back something that was only damaged, not permanently inactive… no. No! I checked everything, I was careful!"

Kar'Danna looked full of regret as he stepped forward. "Technically, I'm under orders to place Tali'Zorah under arrest pending the hearing. So Tali…Your confined to this ship until this trial is over."

"Thank you Captain." Tali's voice was wavering, and Shepard knew how upset she must be. It was very generous of her old Captain to allow her so much freedom.

"Preparations got underway as soon as you arrived. The hearing is being held in the Garden Plaza. Good Luck." Kar'Danna stepped forward and shook Shepard and Tali's hands, and with a nod to Thane, moved aside to let them continue forward.

They moved through the ship, hearing the whispers of the crowd around them. Tali held herself straight, and didn't turn her head at the gossips. A female Quarian was standing in the entrance way, waiting for them.

"Tali'Zorah vas Normandy. I am glad you came. I could delay them only so long." Her voice was very husky, and had a beautiful rolling accent. Tali threw her arms wide and moved to the speaker, wrapping her in a hug.

"Auntie Rahn!" The two embraced and Tali stepped back, moving slightly away so Shepard could come up and join them. "Shepard vas Normandy, this is Admiral Shala'Raan vas Tonbay. She is a friend of my fathers…" Tali grew very still, then turned her masked face slowly to face Rahn. "Wait…Raan, you called me 'vas Normandy…'"

"I'm afraid I did, Tali. The Admiralty board moved to have you tried under that name, given your departure from the Neema."

While Raan was speaking, Tali moved away, step by step until she had reached Shepards side. Her body was tight with fear, and she was breathing hard.

"I take it being associated with a Human ship is a bad sign?" Shepard sighed.

Tali voice was full of shock and hurt. "They stripped me of my ship name, Shepard…That's as good as declaring me exiled already."

"It's not over yet Tali. You have friends who still know you as Tali'Zorah vas Neema… whatever we must call you legally." Raan was soothing, but something about her evasiveness was giving Shepard a bad feeling. The Admiral was hiding something from them.

Shepard stepped forward. "I guess we should get started. Does Tali have a defense counselor? Someone who speaks for her side?"

Raan nodded. "Indeed she does… Captain Shepard. She is part of your crew, now, recognized by Quarian law."

Shepard saw Tali turn to look at her. _Well shit._

"And remember, an accused is always represented by his or her ship's-captain."

Shepard turned until she was looking directly at Tali. Thane gave a tiny shrug, as though in sympathy, and moved to stand beside her. Tali was wringing her hands nervously, and her voice was hesitant. "So, err… You would actually speak for me…"

"Uh, Tali. You know me, you know I will never be a diplomat. Hell, I'm not a lawyer, and everyone here thinks I'm a part of Cerberus! Do you really think I am going to be able to help you?"

"They are trying to turn the crowd against me. That's why they changed my status to 'vas'Normandy.' This whole trial is a farce."

Tali's voice was filled with anger. _Well, I may not be a diplomat…but I have other methods._

Raan was making placating gestures, while Shepard was frantically trying to come up with a better plan than 'just punch one of them until they listen.'

"You underestimate us Tali. You forget that you have friends as well as enemies." Raan chided. "I delayed their attempt to have you tried in absentia. I convinced the to allow a human into our midst. You still have a chance. Present the truth as best you can. It will have to be enough. Now come, I promised them I would not delay you."

Shepard nodded, and the trio followed Raan into the assembly. As they moved toward the dais, other Quarians nudged and whispered to each other, until there was quite a crowd. Thane stayed close on Shepards six, and Tali was stuck to her side like glue as they approached the Admirals waiting to try her.

Raan moved from their side, to go and stand behind the three admirals facing them. Her voice rang out, strong and clear, and a hush fell over the room.

"This conclave is brought to order. Blessed are the ancestors who kept us alive, sustained us, and enabled us to reach this season. Keelah se'lai."

Shepard straightened her back as everyone in the room, except her and Thane, said 'Keelah se'lai" back at Raan.

Raan continued. "The accused, Tali'Zorah vas Normandy has come with her captain to defend herself against the charge of treason."

Tali let out a soft gasp at the word treason, but before Shepard could offer support, one of the admirals spoke up, his tone reeking with arrogance.

"Objection! A Human has no business at a hearing involving such sensitive military matters!"

"Then you should not have declared Tali crew of the Normandy, Admiral Koris. By right, as Tali's captain, Shepard must stay." Raan's voice was smug, and Shepard suddenly realised that this was one of the things she had been expecting. She knew that Tali's new name meant Shepard had the same rights as a Quarian captain.

Koris hung his head. "Objection withdrawn." He said bitterly, leaving Raan to continue.

"Shepard vas Normandy, your crew member stands accused of Treason. Will you speak for her?"

Shepard moved forward, placing her armoured hands on the stand in front of her. The more she thought about trying to be diplomatic, and appealing to them with kindness and offers of help, the more enraged Shepard became. Tali was one of the only reasons they were able to stop Saren, and find out about the Reapers. One of the only reasons the flotilla was even here.

Shepard threw the 'good girl' rulebook out the window, and decided to do things her way.

"I shouldn't have to. When Tali helped me stop Saren and his Geth army, her actions spoke for themselves." Shepard paused and looked around her at the crowd. "Without her help, none of you would be alive to put her on trial today."

Another Admiral, Gerrel, on the panel spoke up. "Well said Shepard. None of us should forget Tali's contribution to the fleet."

Raan toke the lead once more. "Tali, you are accused of bring active Geth to the migrant fleet. What say you?"

"How could Tali have sent active Geth to the Fleet while serving on the Normandy?" Shepard's voice rang across the assembly, her frustration evident.

The final Admiral on the board, Xen, finally spoke up. "To clarify, Shepard, Tali isn't accused of bringing back entire units – only parts the could…spontaneously reactivate."

Tali was quick to jump to her own defense. "But I would never send active Geth to the fleet! Everything I sent was disabled and harmless!" Tali was wringing her hands and kept turning her head this way and that, as though looking for someone.

"Then explain how Geth seized the lap ship where your father was working!" Admiral Korris' voice boomed through the room, and instantly people were talking and gesturing wildly in the room around them.

Tali reeled as though she had been slapped. "What are you talking about?" Tali's voice was confused at first, then became panicked. "What happened?!"

Gerrel stepped forward again, his calm demeanor and voice causing to room to hush. "As far as we can tell, Tali, the Geth have killed everyone on the Alarei…Your father included."

Tali wobbled, just for an instant. Thane's hand was on her back in a second, offering support, in his silent unseen way.

"What?" Tali's voice broke and she hung her head. "Oh keelah…"

Shepard was pissed. How dare they. How dare they just ambush her like this. _Losing a parent…_ Shepard swallowed and took a step forward.

As Shepard's voice rang through the Assembly, a few Quarians who had gathered to watched flinched at her tone. Her voice was like venom, dripping with the disdain she felt for the heartless bastards who had so grievously wronged Tali.

"I thought Quarians valued family! How do you justify springing this on Tali? And in the middle of a damn trial!"

Beside her, Tali was breathing hard, and her mask was slightly fogged, so Shepard knew she had been crying. Raan's cool tone did nothing to dispel the rage Shepard was feeling.

"Our apologies. Tali should have been informed."

Tali swung her head towards Shepard, and Shepard knew what she was going to say before she said it.

"Shepard, we have to take back the Alarei." Before Shepard could reassure Tali that they would definitely be looking into what these sneaky fuckers were up to, the grating voice of Koris cut across her.

"The safest course would be to simply destroy the ship. But if you are looking for an honorable death instead of exile…"

Tali surged forward and Shepard had to throw an arm around her to she didn't storm right up to Koris. "I am looking for my father you Bosh'tet!" She screamed.

Koris flinched away from Tali, and if the look Shepard was sending him could kill, he'd be a smear on the wall right now.

"You intend to retake the Alarei from the Geth? This proposal is extremely dangerous."

"You think Tali is helping the Geth? Maybe killing a few dozen will prove her loyalty!" Shepard spat.

Koris drawled at her from the dais. "We do not accuse Tali of aiding the Geth cause. We accuse her of carelessness that endangered the fleet."

Raan slapped her hand against her podium. "Then it is decided. You will attempt to retake the Alarei. You are hereby given leave to depart the Rayya. A shuttle will be waiting at the secondary dock hanger. Be safe, Tali. This hearing will resume upon your return, or on determination that you have been…killed in action."

Without another word, Shepard spun on her heel and led Thane and Tali to a corner, out of earshot to the rest of the Quarians gathered around them.

Tali began chattering nervously, the fear in her voice clawed at Shepard's guts. "Thank you for agreeing to take back the Alarei Shepard. The Admirals sound sure that my father is already dead, but…I don't know. We won't know anything until we get there."

"C'mon Tali. We've got a shitload of Geth to kill, and your father to find." Shepard pulled her assault rifle of her back and checked it over, relishing the small gasps from those closest to them.

 _Let them be intimidated. Let them be afraid._

"Right. The sooner we get to the Alarei; the sooner we find out what happened."

As they moved off, EDI came through their headsets, warning them about the possibility that the Geth that were activated had, by now, built more of themselves. Raan was seemingly waiting for them, and Shepard steered clear of her and moved into the passage leading them to their shuttle to the Alarei.

There was a guard waiting at the shuttle, and he confirmed they were cleared for departure. They boarded, then were speeding towards the Alarei. Once on board, the team discovered the resistance on the Alarei was heavy. They encounter wave after wave of the synthetics, and soon they had been on board for almost two hours, and had come across very little good news.

All the evidence so far pointed to Tali's father, Rael'Zorah, being the person behind the reactivation of the Geth. They had come across several terminals with just enough snippets of information to make things look bad. To make it look like it really was Tali's father behind it all.

Tali was getting more and more worried and discouraged. After hacking one console, she had bowed her shoulders and talked about how her father had promised to build her a house back on Rannoch, the Quarian home world.

Shepard had offered words of comfort, assuring Tali that the Quarians would be on their home world once again, but it hadn't had the effect she hoped. Tali had immediately starting fretting about the immense undertaking that would be, cannibalising the fleet to make the planet habitable. Not to mention the havoc on the Quarians immune systems after centuries living on ships in enviro suits.

After moving on for another half hour of so, Thane was on point as they cleared a small room, and prepared to move deeper into the ship in their search for answers. He hacked the door, and peeked out to check the hall. He popped back into sight immediately and softly asked Shepard to come closer.

Shepard left Tali muttering at the laptop she was hacking, and moved to the doorway with Thane. She cursed softly under her breathe when she saw the lone Quarian male laying dead in the hallway. _Son-of-a-bitch._

Unfortunately, Shepard and Thane stood there just long enough for Tali to notice their unnatural stillness and wander over to see what they were conferring about.

"Father!" She cried and rushed to him. She shook him, and ran her hands frantically up and down his torso in the vain hope he might respond. "No! Nonono! You always had a plan. Masked life signs or, or…an onboard medical stasis program maybe. You wouldn't…"

Her mothers face flashed through Shepards mind, followed by flashes of her father and Lily. Shepards pain was trying to rush to the forefront of her mind, but she suppressed it, keeping her focus on Tali, who was softly sobbing over the corpse of her father.

"They're wrong. You wouldn't … You wouldn't just _die_ here like this. You wouldn't just leave me to clean up your mess! You can't!" Tali was sobbing, and the shock and sorrow surrounding her was heartbreaking. Shepard reached down and put her hand on Tali's shoulder, pulling her up.

She gathered her friend into a hug, shushing her and stroked a hand down her back as she sobbed. "Hey, it's okay. I've got you." They stood that way for a few moments, until Shepard could feel Tali gather herself together.

"Damn it. Damn it…" Tali sobbed. With a few last sniffs, Tali took her head off of Shepard's shoulder, and looked once more to the body of her father on the floor.

"Maybe…he would have known I would come. Maybe he left a message." Tali moved once more to her father's side, this time punching a series of codes into his omni-tool. She was rewarded within moments as Rael'Zorah's voice filled the small hallway.

He told them how to shut the Geth down, how to locate the main server. He told them where all the data was. Then they listened to him get gunned down.

"Thanks dad." Tali whispered quietly as the sound cut off.

"Tali…He knew you'd come for him. He was trying to help you. It's not perfect. It's not what you wanted. But it's the best he could do." Shepard buried the uncharitable thoughts about the mess Rael'Zorah had left his daughter in, and tried to ease the pain she knew Tali was feeling. Pain and rage.

"I don't know what's worse: thinking he never really cared, or thinking that he did, and this was the only way he could show it." Tali heaved a huge sigh before continuing. "It doesn't matter. One way or another, _I_ cared. And I'm here. And we're ending this."

Shepard nodded and they grasped hands, Tali squeezing hers tightly. Then with a deep breath, Tali readied her shotgun, and they moved forward. Shepard taking point, while Thane offered Tali a prayer to help guide her father to the sea.

It was an intense fight, but they eventually made it to the main server hub. After taking out a Geth Prime, Tali hacked into the server.

"The console is linked to the main hub my father mentioned. Now that I have disabled it, any Geth we might have missed will be shut down. It looks like some of the recording remained intact. They'll tell us how this happened. What…Father did."

"Tali…I know this isn't easy. I know you won't really want to hear it."

"No it's okay. We have to, it's just…This is terrible Shepard. I don't want to know that he was a part of this." With a deep breath, Tali punched in a command, the recording began to play.

It was as they feared. Rael'Zorah had ordered his team to conceal their discoveries from the Admiralty board, and bypassed safety protocols to try and speed their discoveries. But it was when they heard him say he didn't want to wait for arguing politicians before building his daughter a house on the home world that Shepard flinched.

Another Quarian beseeched Rael'Zorah to get Tali to send them active pieces of tech, to which he vehemently refused, stating that he in no way wanted Tali involved. The passion in which he tried to shield Tali from this bought him a few redemption brownie points in Shepards book.

"I never wanted this Shepard. Keelah, I never wanted this…" Tali's grief was slowly being replaced by anger, and Shepard could hear it in her voice. "Everything here is his fault! I tried to pretend it didn't point to him but this… When this comes up in the trial, they'll…" Tali moved quickly to Shepards side, her voice desperate. "We can't tell them, not the Admirals, not anyone!"

Shepards mind whirled. How in the hell was she going to get them out of this without telling anyone that Rael'Zorah had effectively killed a whole bunch of their people?

"Well, we're not going to decide anything here. Let's see what the Admirals say once we get back."

But Tali didn't move. She stood her ground in front of the door. "You're my Captain in this hearing Shepard. It's your decision. But please. Don't destroy what my father was." They held each other's gaze, and in that moment Shepard knew that if she didn't do as Tali asked, their friendship would never be the same.

"C'mon. If we wait to long they'll decide we're already dead, and none of this will matter." Tali moved out of the doorway, and fell into step beside Shepard. Once on board the shuttle, Shepard put a lot of effort into. Thinking about what she was going to say, or rather, what she was _not_ going to say.

Once they were back on the vessel Shepard and her team moved quickly towards the hearing. As they got closer to the doorway into the garden chamber Shepard could hear Admiral Koris haranguing the assembled. Trying to go on without them as though they were dead.

Shepard had had enough. These people, they were short-sighted to the point of dangerous, and it had to stop. Just as they came through the doors on the far side of the chamber, Shepard heard Raan sigh. "Very well. Is the Admiralty board ready to render judgement?"

With a shove, she scattered the gawking Quarians who gathered to watch the trial.

"Sorry we're late." Tali called sarcastically.

Shepard moved to the forefront, everything about her posture demanding respect. "Well, you didn't waste much time in declaring us dead." She moved her gaze from one Admiral to another, the expression on her face making everyone but Koris squirm uncomfortably. Then she spat "Go get your ship!"

Admiral Gerrel spoke, his tone hesitant. "We apologize, Shepard. Your success in taking back the Alarei is… very unexpected."

Shepard snorted, and Raan added smoothly. "But also very welcome."

Gerrel once again spoke up. "Did you find anything on the Alarei that could clarify what happened there?"

Tali turned her head to look at her, and her mask was just opaque enough that Shepard could see the pleading she was doing with her eyes. Shepard broke her gaze and began to step ahead towards the podium. Tali reached her hand out as though to stop her and said "Shepard…please…"

Shepard moved ahead, and rested her hands against the rail, head bowed. Raan took point once again. "Does Captain Shepard have any new evidence to submit to this hearing?"

Her mind whirled with what she could say. She would never let the evidence against Rael'Zorah come to light, it would destroy Tali. But could she get them out of this, giving nothing away, and keep her from getting exiled? She squared her shoulders, and raised her finger to point directly at the Admirals standing in front of her.

"Tali's achievements are the only evidence you should need. C'mon Tali, we are leaving." The chamber exploded with voices as Shepard spun on her heel and began to head for the door. Raan was sputtering in confusion, but it was Admiral Koris' screech that turned her around.

"This is a formal proceeding!" Koris cried.

Shepard marched back to the podium and yelled. "What are you going to do? Exile her? We're probably not walking away from our next mission alive anyway! Tali saved you from the Reapers two years ago. She's saving your asses again now! Will you, her family and friends, stab her in the back now? Or tell her you believe in her?"

Admiral Gerrel was immediately on board. "Shepard is right." He said forcefully.

"A military victory speaks for her loyalty, but it does not render Tali'Zorah immune to carelessness!" Koris sputtered.

Gerrel again jumped to her defense. "Then judge her by the skill she displayed at the Citadel!"

Shepard raised her voice to be heard over the crowd. "Tali knows more about the Geth than any Quarian alive! You should be listening to her, not putting her on trial!" Shepard was in a full blown rage now, and began to pace among the crowd. "Tali'Zorah saved the Citadel. She saved the Alarei! She showed the galaxy the value of the Quarian people. I can't think of stronger evidence than that!"

Shepard cut herself off, and stood back rigid and shoulders straight in front of the Admirals.

"Are the Admirals ready to render judgement?" Raan asked.

One by one, with glances at one another, the Admirals raised their arms and punched a command into their omni-tools.

Raan read her own omni tool, and as she stepped up to the podium, a hush descended on the room.

"Tali'Zorah. In light of your history of service, we do not find sufficient evidence to convict. You are cleared of all charges." Relief swept through Shepard, and she heard Tali give a soft sob as she realized she would not be exiled. "Commander Shepard, please accept these gifts as appreciation for taking the time to represent one of our people."

Shepard laughed. A loud guffah that echoed through the chamber before she cut it off. "I didn't represent one of your people. I represented one of mine." Shepards voice was hard. With a nod at the Quarians assembled around them, she headed for the door. Once they were free of the crowds, in a small hallway leading them to were the Normandy was docked, Tali stopped her.

"I can't believe you pulled that off. What you said…" Tali was looking at Shepard with awe. "I've never had anyone speak like that on my behalf. Thank you for being there for my father and me. Even when…"

"I can still go back in and get you exiled, if you want." Shepard teased, relieved that things had gone her way.

"Hah! Thanks, but I'm okay with things like this…besides, it was fun watching you shout."

"Oh whatever! I did not shout."

"You shouted Siha."

"You totally shouted, Shepard."

"Whatever. Let's go home, shall we? We still have a suicide mission to survive."

They linked arms and headed back to the Normandy. None of them noticed the envious glances they were getting as they went.


	31. Chapter 31

**Author's note: Our final team member joins the crew! I am still without my Beta, so I apologize for any mistakes. Thank you to Vorcha Girl for the reviews of the last few chapters:)**

 **Enjoy!**

Chapter Thirty-One

Kaidan let the hot water pound the tense muscles in his shoulders. He gritted his teeth in frustration as the memories of the day's events rolled through his mind. He had been working with Andrews, trying to get her to work on her barrier strength. All she knew how to do was be completely offensive with her biotics. She would charge into situations wildly, scattering her opponents, then get taken out by snipers, or the opponents smart enough to create a shield when they saw her coming.

He had been forced to dismiss her from the program. She refused to learn how to become more balanced, to have a strong defense as well as her offence. The main focus of this team he was building was to infiltrate Cerberus and learn as much about the Reapers as possible. He couldn't afford loose canons.

With a curse, he shut off the hot water, and dried himself off. With the towel hanging low on his hips, he moved into the kitchen to get a cup of coffee. He poured himself a large mug, then brought it up to his face for a big sniff of the aromatic brew. He was just taking his first sip when someone cleared their throat.

With a very unmanly yelp, Kaidan fumbled the coffee and flared his biotics as he whirled around. Anderson was standing in his living room, focusing intently on a speck on the ceiling far above Kaidan's head. The towel was barely hanging in place. Kaidan hastily put down his coffee, and told Anderson he would change and be right back.

Once he was dressed in his fatigues, Kaidan returned to the kitchen, pouring a second mug of coffee for Anderson and handing it to him.

"What brings you here, Anderson?"

The older man took a sip of his coffee, and leaned a hip on the back of the couch. "It's Hackett. He wants you to pick your best agent, the one you think would be most suited to an infiltration job and able to keep their mouth shut. He's got a mission, and it's a big one. The kind that if it isn't handled properly, we will be looking at a huge political shit storm."

Kaidan just looked at Anderson, with his mouth open. He clicked his jaw shut, and ran a hand across his stubble. "Anderson… I have only been working with this group for three weeks. Hell, I had to exit one from the program today. None of them will be ready for something like that for months."

Anderson closed his eyes, and so fast Kaidan almost missed it, anger and grief flashed across his face. "It's okay Alenko. I didn't think you would have anyone ready, but Hackett said he 'wanted me to check Alenko's people first.'"

Kaidan nodded absently. 'Alenko's people first…' There was something about the use of 'first' that made Kaidan uneasy. A sideways glance at Anderson told him that the older man was having similar thoughts.

"First… Who else does he have to go to at this point? I mean, if it is really that sensitive, maybe it should be me that goes. I can step away from the program for a brief time. I am going to be focusing on their hand to hand for the next couple of weeks, and I've brought in one of the best in the field. He could handle it solo."

Kaidan was running the thoughts through his head. He wasn't the strongest out there when it came to infiltration, I mean not when compared with someone like Shepard…

 _Shepard._

"Anderson… Tell me he isn't thinking of taking this to Shepard." Kaidan's voice was soft, deceptively so. Anyone who didn't know him well would think he was asking casually.

Anderson knew better. "Alenko… Honestly? I don't know. I think he is thinking about it, but was doing a cursory check with us first."

Kaidan's mind was spinning with the possibilities. Shepard must be getting close to the Omega Four relay… what the hell could be so important Hackett was willing to risk distracting her from that?

"Tell him to send me, sir. Leave her out of it, she isn't even Alliance at the moment. Whatever it is, I will get it done. I know how to keep my mouth shut." Kaidan hated the pleading he heard in his voice. He tried, everyday, to keep his fear for Shepard and what she was doing out there from affecting his every decision, but this…This was too much. The Alliance was stringing her along, getting her help with the really dirty jobs, with the vague promise of helping her with reinstatement in the future.

Anderson sighed, and pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers. "I'll tell him Kaidan. For what it's worth, I think you'd be perfect."

In that instant, Kaidan knew that it wouldn't be him. Hackett had decided, and sent Anderson to check on the men and women in Kaidan's program as a courtesy.

As Anderson swigged down the rest of his coffee and left with a nod, Kaidan sent out a prayer. A prayer to whoever might be listening and able to help.

Maybe she would never get the message. Maybe she would finally tell Hackett where he could shove his missions.

But most of all, he prayed that she would get through it. Whatever it was.

00oo00oo00

The ship shuddered underneath her feet as Shepard made her way up to the bridge. The Illusive Man had discovered a derelict Reaper by some obscure planet, and sent a science team there to recover an IFF responder. They thought it was the key to navigating the Omega four relay safely. But the science team had gone silent, so Shepard was off to investigate.

She squelched the fear and the memory of the Normandy coming apart as it heaved under her feet again, and focused on her pilot.

"What's with all the chop, Joker?"

He swung his green eyes to her briefly, then was back focusing on the controls. "I'm doing my best. The winds gusting to 500 kph. There's a second ship alongside the Reaper. It's not transmitting any IFF, but the ladar paints its silhouette as Geth."

"Well. I guess we know why the science team stopped reporting in." With a lurch, the ship stopped shuddering and became smooth as glass. "What just happened."

Joker wiped the sweat off his brow and turned in his seat to face Shepard. "The Reapers mass effect fields are still active. We just passed inside their envelope."

Shepard nodded at him, and turned to head down and gather her ground team.

"Eye of the hurricane, huh." Joker muttered behind her as she went.

Shepard wanted this to be fast. In and out, as quickly as possible. She brought Zaeed, because he was unflappable, and was good with quick and dirty; and Tali, because god knew she would need someone who could hack, as well as wield a shotgun.

The boarded the Reaper, and right away, the signs were not good. Blood smears everywhere, and mangled bodies strewn about as though animals had been at them. Shepard took point and they moved deeper into the ship. They went through room after room, coming across more bodies, but no resistance.

After checking a few terminals and logs, a chill had settled in Shepard. This Reaper was _not_ dormant, and the scientists had been indoctrinated. She gripped her assault rifle tighter, and they continued deeper into the ship. They moved up to a huge bulkhead door, and as it opened a huge shudder tore through the Reaper and almost knocked her off her feet.

Joker's voice came through the helmets comms instantly. "Normandy to Shore party!"

"What just happened?"

"The Reaper put up kinetic barriers…Shepard, I don't think we can get through from our side."

 _Fuck_.

"As curious as I am about Reapers…I'd rather not be trapped inside one." Tali quipped.

Shepard rolled her eyes at her. "Joker, the Normandy's got guns. Use them."

Edi came through the comm next. "The Normandy lacks the necessary firepower. Reaper shields are impervious to Dreadnaught fire. Shepard, a kinetic barrier can only be produced by a massive generator. That is true for any ship, even a Reaper. At the moment of activation, I detected a heat spike in an area that is likely the ships mass effect core. I am sending the coordinates now. Be advised. This core is also maintaining the Reapers altitude."

 _Fuck. Fuck_.

"So…when we take the barriers down to escape, the Reaper falls into the planet core."

"And that means everyone dies…yeah, I got it." Joker's voice was sarcastic, but Shepard knew he would be sweating bullets trying to make sure he could get them out in time.

"We will make a sweep for survivors and research data. Then we'll knock this ugly piece of crap out of the sky. Be ready to pick us up, Joker. Being crushed in the heart of a brown dwarf is not on todays agenda."

"Aye aye, ma'am." With a click Joker signed off.

Zaeed looked at Shepard and started to laugh. "God fucking damn-it Shepard, only with you do shit storms of this magnitude happen on a regular basis."

"Shut it Zaeed, lets get this done." Shepard took point, and once again they moved deeper into the Reaper.

They came across another console, and saw the indoctrination had gone on to the point of manipulating the scientist's memories. Two of the men in the security footage had thought they were married to the same woman. Shepard shook her head in disgust at the thought of the Reaper erasing people's whole lives before turning them into husks.

As though her thought summoned them, a screech tore echoed through the huge chamber. Husks. Bringing her assault rifle up to her shoulder, Shepard, Zaeed and Tali emptied round after round into the creatures. Thankfully, there were large crates scattered around the room, and Tali blew them up, taking out tens of the husks at a time.

Finally, the mad rush stopped. Shepard looked at Zaeed, who was cursing and nursing a nasty gash down his arm. When her gaze swung to Tali, she started to laugh. Her friend was absolutely covered in blue husk goo. Tali was gingerly wiping of her mask so she could see again, but she looked as though she had been doused in the stuff.

When she saw Shepard laughing at her, she sniffed at her regally. "Well, if you used a shotgun, you would get some blowback too, Shepard."

This statement had Zaeed cracking up as well. Tali moved around, looking for any heat sinks or tech to salvage, while Shepard and Zaeed clung to each other, whooping and heaving as their laughter subsided, with Zaeed impersonating Tali's regal sniff perfectly.

"Keelah, I am surrounded by infants." Tali muttered, obviously assuming incorrectly that Shepard couldn't hear her.

Shepard chuckles cut off abruptly as ahead of them two husks rounded a corner and started towards them. Before she could even call a warning and bring up her rifle, two cracks rang out, and the husks fell to the ground dead.

Shepard sprinted up to the corner, peeking out from cover to try and spot the shooter, but couldn't see anything.

"Maybe a survivor from the science team?" Tali asked softly.

Zaeed and Shepard shared a glance. Two perfect headshots within seconds of each other…this was no scientist. Wary now, the team moved forward. They went down a ramp, onto a new platform and instantly, husks began to climb up from beneath the floor.

They battled them for what felt like hours, and they just kept coming and coming. By the time the last one fell, Shepards arms were trembling from the extended use of the assault rifle. There was no laughter this time, just grim silence as they looked for more heat sinks.

Shepard opened her private comm. "Joker?"

"I read you Commander."

"Things are getting pretty hairy down here. Based on Edi's direction, we still have some ways to go before we get to the Core. If I tell you to go, I need you to go."

"Commander…Shepard…. Uhh, you are breaking up. I can't hear yo-"

Shepard hissed in frustration as the channel cut out. She knew damn well Joker could hear her, and was refusing to acknowledge her order. _Well, I'll just have to make sure I get out if here so I can kick his insubordinate ass!_

She moved toward the last terminal on the deck, then slowed and just looked out in horror at what was revealed as she neared the edge. Bodies of the scientists impaled on huge spikes… Spikes she still saw in her nightmares.

Tali moved up beside her. "Keelah… Dragon's teeth your people call them? The Geth used them on Eden Prime."

Shepard nodded, then took a second look around the room, seeing what she had missed the first time. "See how the room is arranged? They treated this thing like some kind of altar."

"That doesn't seem right. No one in their right mind would want this." Tali was horrified.

"You heard the logs. They were seeing things…hearing things. The were being indoctrinated." A chill ran through Shepard and saw the corpses dangling from the spikes all around the room. She backed a few step away, towards Zaeed and Tali. "How about we step back from the weird alien impaling devices."

They nodded, and they all moved on, deeper into the Reaper. They went through an airlock, and once on the other side continued to move cautiously forward. Shepard was about halfway through the chamber, with Zaeed and Tali slightly ahead and to the side of her, when a sniper shot cracked through the air.

Shepard felt the bullet fly dangerously past her right ear, and threw herself forward. It was with no small amount of shock that she saw the dead husk behind her, with a perfect shot between its eyes. Two more husks were shot through the head as they crawled from beneath the floor behind her.

Shepard looked frantically for the shooter, and when she finally saw where the shots were coming from she was stunned.

A Geth. A Geth had sniped the husks. A Geth had just saved her life.

It stood tall, and lowered its sniper rifle. It inclined its head towards her and said "Shepard Commander."

Shepards mouth hung open. Never, in all her life, had she ever heard a Geth speak. She didn't even know they _could_ speak. The gears in her mind were still spinning frantically at what had just happened when then Geth casually walked out of sight, deeper into the Reaper.

Zaeed's face held an expression that Shepard imagined matcher her own. Although Shepard couldn't see Tali's face, judging by the Quarians posture, she was in a state of shock.

"Since when do Geth operate alone? Or speak?" Zaeed asked hoarsely.

"I don't know. I thought they got smarter the more of them there are?"

They both turned to look at Tali, but she just shook her head and shrugged. Confused, but more determined than ever to find out just what the fuck was going on, Shepard once again took point. The team battled their way through waves of husks, and several monstrous scions, but they eventually made it to the core.

Once though the door they were once again in the presence of the strange Geth. It was hacking a console…The same console Shepard's team was there to hack. Husks were pouring out of the floor, and it managed to shoot a few of them down, but then it was overrun and collapsed to the floor.

Clearing the room of husks took everything the trio had left in their tanks. There had been flaming husks, which they had never come across before, and the things exploded when you shot them. So they essentially ran in continuous circles, blasting everything that got in their way, and avoiding the running bombs.

Zaeed ran up to the console, and looked at the Geth crumpled to the floor in front of it. "I've never seen a Geth that wasn't blown to pieces. Hell, we could mount this damn thing on a wall!"

The Reaper gave an enormous shudder, and Tali almost lost her balance. "Leave it there! You know what they are. If it gets into the Normandy's computers…"

Shepard thought about it. She really did. But it _had_ said her name…It knew who she was. She had to know why.

"You said it yourself. No one has ever found one intact before." Shepard looked at Tali, who threw up her hands in frustration.

"That's true but, I'm not sure it's worth the risk Shepard!"

The ship shuddered again and heaved under their feet. It was time to get the hell out of Dodge. She pulled the IFF drive out of the console in front of them and then spun to face Tali.

"There's no time to debate it Tali. Zaeed grab the Geth and take it with us."

She opened the helmet comms. "Joker, get your ass to our location pronto and open the port side airlock."

"Already on my way Commander. ETA two minutes."

Shepard bent down and helped Zaeed grab the Geth. With Tali on point blasting the husks out of their path with the shotgun, they moved outside. Everyone activated their mag-boots and helmets, then they there were out.

Shepard focused on keeping her breathing steady as the platform shuddered and heaved beneath their feet. The Normandy came into view, and Shepard could see the problem before Joker's voice came through the comm. The docking bay had collapsed, and the Normandy wouldn't be able to reach them where they were currently.

"Commander. I can't get closer than this with the platform jumping around like that. You'll have to dis-engage the mag-boots and float to the airlock."

 _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

"I know Joker. Zaeed, send the Geth over first, then you follow it."

With a heave, they threw the Geth towards the airlock, where Shepard could see Garrus waiting to catch them. With a screech, the door behind them gave way and dozens of husks began pouring out. With all the reaper tech in them, there was enough metal to keep them on the platform.

"Zaeed!" Shepard screamed and the mercenary jumped, sending his body floating through space towards Garrus' outstretched arms.

Shepard shoved Tali after Zaeed, ignoring her screech at the rude shove between her shoulder blades. Shepard took a few steps back, so she could have a running jump at the platform. She took her first stride, then slammed into the ground hard as a husk grabbed onto her from behind. She heard Joker scream her name through the comm as she wrestled with the husk, and another that joined it.

"Joker go!" She ordered, then slammed the butt of her rifle into its face, managing to get out her pistol and shooting another seconds later. There was a thud, and suddenly there was the tell-tale ratatatat of an assault rifle. The husks around her fell to the ground.

An arm reached down and hauled her to her feet, and then she was staring into the furious face of Garrus Vakarian.

"Not today Jane!" He snarled, and spun her back to face the Normandy. Still maintaining the death grip on her arm, they leapt together off the platform. For a few gut wrenching heartbeats, they were weightless, the vastness of space able to send then spinning to their deaths at any moment. Then with a slam, Shepard crashed into the back of the airlock, Garrus landing with a crunch on top of her.

The airlock closed, and Shepard felt Joker increasing speed, faster and faster until they made the jump to FTL. Shepard stood on shaky legs and was instantly rushed by Tali who pulled her into a tight hug.

She refused to look at Garrus and hugged Tali back. She puled off her helmet, and shoved her damp hair off of her face. Then she spun on her heel and headed to the comm room to debrief the Illusive Man, and see just what exactly this IFF was.

00oo00oo00

Shepard pinched the bridge of her nose and stared at Miranda and Jacob.

"I think we need to discuss the… unique piece of salvage we recovered. For now, we have stored it in EDI's AI core." Miranda started. There was a video feed of the Geth laying prone behind some of the strongest kinetic barriers EDI could manage. "We need better equipment to fight the Reapers. An intact Geth would be invaluable to Cerberus' cyber weapons division."

Miranda's voice was firm, but not demanding. She and Shepard had finally found a kind of balance, where they could respect each other enough to say what was on their minds, but weren't so close that those opinions were voiced casually.

"We'll have to disagree on that ma'am." Jacob said, his voice hard. "I saw enough of these things on Eden Prime. Space it."

Miranda hissed in exasperation. "Cerberus has a long standing cash bounty for an intact Geth. I assure you, the reward is significant."

"Well, you know what I want to know?" Shepard zoomed in on the video feed so it was showing the chest and arms of the Geth. "I want to know why it has a piece of N7 armour strapped to its chest."

It was more than idle curiosity. Becoming a N7 was the highest rank of any specialist field in the Alliance. The N7 logo could only be worn by someone who completed the program, and the pieces couldn't just be found anywhere. Where, and how did the Geth get it?

"Battle trophy maybe? But, why would a machine care about that?" Jacob mused.

"No. Trophies imply emotions that AI's don't have. I doubt its more than a convenient field repair."

Miranda and Jacob continued to speculate to the purpose of the armour, but Shepard's mind was spinning. It saved her. It sacrificed itself trying to get to the same IFF she was trying to get.

"I've killed hundreds of these things, but…I've never had the chance to talk to one. This one tried to communicate with us. Hell, it probably saved our lives. Why?"

Miranda's expression changed to one of disbelief. "Shepard…I know what your thinking. But, reactivating the Geth is a huge risk. If you do so, it should be for humanity's best interest. Not because you're curious."

"C'mon Shepard! Acting in our best interest is still blowing it out the airlock." Jacob spat.

Once again, at the work airlock, Miranda flinched ever so slightly. Shepard knew it was because she was remembering just how close she came to being blown out the airlock herself. By Shepard.

"I'm not deciding one way or another until I know what we've got here. I want to start it back up. Ask it some questions."

Miranda scrubbed a hand across her face. "Shepard…If we activate it, there is no guarantee that we can deactivate it again."

"Bullets can!" Jacob snarled, getting in Miranda's face.

"That's not what I-"

"Enough! Both of you. Thank you for your recommendations, but I've made my decision."

Shepard knew that her decision was going to meet with some… confusion. For hundreds of years, the Geth had been seen as violent machines, with a hive mentality. For one to act the way it had, well it was…interesting.

Even when she was young, Shepard had never shied away from _different_. She smiled as she remembered being on Arcturus station after Mindoir. She had come across a young Turian, similar in age to her, in the psychologist's office. The Turians name had been Banmire, and he had also lost his family.

 _Jane looked at the Turian seated across from her curiously. Her parents had told her all about the Turians. They said they were terrible aliens who murdered Humans and followed none of the rules of war at Shanxi. That they had tried to kill all of us rather than allow us to be a part of their civilization within the galaxy._

 _She tilted her head a bit to the side, her eyes raking across its face. She didn't know if it was a he or a she, but either way, it didn't seem so bad. No one could be worse than the Batarians._

" _Hi. I'm Jane." She said, standing up and moving a few chairs closer._

 _Wide, tawny eyes locked with hers, the pupil small like a birds. At first there was anger in them, then it faded away to curiosity. "I'm Banmire Mehrkuri."_

" _So. What are you in for?"_

" _Excuse…excuse me?"_

 _Jane slouched down in her chair. "You know. Why are you here to see a shrink? What did you do?"_

 _Banmire just looked at her, mouth open slightly. "That's none of your damn business!" He sputtered._

" _O.K. Jeez, don't get your panties in a bunch. I'm here because everyone I knew got murdered, and now I want to join the Alliance so they need to make sure it didn't make me too crazy to give a gun!" Jane said it flippantly, burying the searing pain deep, deep down._

 _Banmire's face changed. At first completely shutting down, then becoming incredibly sad. He made a soft sound in his chest that Jane couldn't really hear, but could feel in the air around her._

" _My family…My family was murdered too. There is a family, looking at adding me to their clan, so they want to make sure I'm not going to become a psychopath."_

 _Jane snorted. "Ha! How they hell would they know! Anyway, I just wanted to meet you, seeing as we will probably run into each other again."_

Shepard and Banmire had met in that waiting room every Tuesday and Thursday for six weeks, and then he had gone. It had never even entered her mind as a possibility that all Turians were were what her parents had described.

This is what made her believe that the Geth could be different.

"So. What about this Reaper IFF?" Jacob asked, disrupting her trip down memory lane.

EDI's blue orb replaced the video feed of the Geth, popping up into the center of the comm room. "I have determined how to integrate it with our systems. However, the device _is_ Reaper technology. Linking it with the Normandy's systems poses certain risks."

Shepard sighed. "This IFF is the only way to get through the Omega four relay. Without it, we can't stop the collectors. It has to be done."

"Understood Shepard. It may take several hours before the IFF is ready for shakedown. I will alert you as soon as it is ready."

"Sounds good. Until then, it is business as usual. Dismissed."

The room cleared, and Shepard thought about her next move. She really wanted to talk to Tali, before she re-activated the Geth, but knew that unless she could prove that this Geth was different, her Quarian friend would not listen to reason. She decided to go with the old human saying "better to ask for forgiveness then permission."

Once down in the AI core, Shepard warned the guard posted that she was going to activate the Geth. He nodded at her, and brought his assault rifle into guard position. Shepard remained unarmed.

As she approached the kinetic barrier, EDI's orb popped up along side of her.

"I have isolated our systems and erected additional firewalls. I am prepared to resist any hacking attempts."

Shepard smothered a laugh. The AI sounded so series, you would think she was about to go into battle. Then again…it was serious.

Shepard moved forward, stopping inches away from the barrier, then raised her omni-tool and punched in the activation command.

Nothing.

She punched it in again. This time the hand closet to her twitched. The flashlight like head shifted slightly, then the head lamp was glowing brightly. The Geth made a chattering noise and sat up, looking around until it saw her. Once it did, it focused on her with laser like intensity, moving to stand right next to the barrier, as close to her as it could get.

"Can you understand me?" Shepard asked speculatively.

"Yes."

 _Holy shit! This is actually happening!_

"Are you going to attack me?"

The Geth tilted its head at her as though confused. "No."

"You said my name aboard the Reaper. Have we met?"

The Geth studied her. Shepard didn't know how she knew that was what it was doing, but she knew.

"We know of you."

"You mean I've fought a lot of Geth."

 _Shit. Killing hundreds of it's kind probably wasn't making it think to kindly of her._

"We have never met."

"No. You and I haven't. But I've met other Geth."

"We are all Geth, and we have not met you."

Shepard began to pace. Geth were supposed to all be connected. Like one huge computer, what one saw, they all saw. How could this one be saying they had never met before? The Geth began to pace with her, mirroring her movements. The it spoke once again.

"You are Shepard. Commander. Alliance. Human. Fought heretics. Killed by Collectors. Rediscovered on the Old Machine."

 _Holy shit, this thing knew quite a bit actually._ "Old Machine? You mean the Reaper?"

"Reaper. A superstitious title originating with the Protheans. We call those entities the Old Machines."

"Okay...However, you do seem to know an awful lot about me."

The Geth quirked an eyebrow at her. _Jesus. It had eyebrows._

"Extranet data sources. Insecure broadcasts. All organic data sent out is received. We watch you."

"Wait. You watch me or you watch organics?"

The Geth shrugged. "Yes."

"…Which?"

"Both."

Shepard sighed and pinched the Bridge of her nose. This was going to take a while.

"What do you mean, Heretics'?"

The Geth cocked its head at her. "Geth build out own futures. The heretics asked the Old Machines to give them a future. They are no longer part of us."

 _Son-of-a-bitch. The Geth had become sentient enough to not only basically believe in 'god' but to actually break off into different…what? Personalities?_

The Geth continued. "We were studying the Old Machine's hardware to protect out future."

If everything the Geth in front of her was saying was true…this changed everything. Shepards mind whirled with the possibilities. She eyed the machine in front of her, and a spark of hope burned in her chest.

"So. You aren't allied with the Reapers. Are you with us, or against us?"

Shepard moved close, if she twitched her hand she would brush up against the kinetic barrier EDI had up. Her eyes roamed the Geth in front of her, wishing there was some way to read its face, to look into its eyes and asses what it was thinking.

The Geth studied her back, its head cocked to one side. Then it straightened, and took a step closer as well. "We oppose the heretics. We oppose the Old Machines. Shepard-Commander opposes the heretics. Shepard-Commander opposes the Old Machines. Co-operation furthers mutual goals."

Shepard sucked in a breath. "Are you asking to join us?"

The Geth raised both eyebrows. "Yes."

Her breathe left in a whoosh. The spark of hope flared bright. She brought her arm up and punched a command into her omni-tool. The kinetic barrier dropped, and she was face to face with the Geth.

"Then what should I call you, since you're now a part of my team?"

"Geth."

"I mean you. Specifically."

It cocked it's head at her. "We are all Geth."

Shepard sighed. "What is the individual in front of me called?" She crossed her arms, and chanted in her head not to loose her patience.

"There is no individual. We are Geth. There are currently 1183 programs active within this platform."

 _Huh. Well that's a stumper_. EDI's blue orb popped into sight beside Shepard. "My name is Legion, for we are many."

Shepard turned and flashed a smile at the A.I. "That's perfect, thanks EDI."

The Geth…Legion, was studying EDI. "Christian Bible, the gospel of Mark, Chapter five, verse nine. We acknowledge this as an appropriate metaphor." Legion turned back to Shepard. "We are Legion, a terminal of the Geth. We will integrate into Normandy."

The fire was burning in Shepards chest now. Slowly, she reached out her hand, leaving it poised in the air between them. She kept her eyes steady on Legion, waiting to see what he would do.

Slowly, he reached his hand towards hers. He let it hover there, as though unsure, then grabbed her hand tightly and shook it. Shepard beamed at him.

"Welcome to the team, Legion."


	32. Chapter 32

**Authors Note: Lots packed into this one! I am still without a Beta, so please forgive any mistakes...**

 **Thank you to everyone reading along with this, it means so much to me. Against the Odds has over 2600 reads now, and it truly means to the world to me.**

 **Kudos to all of the readers out there.**

Chapter 32

Shepard chewed on her lip inside her helmet. She sat on the shuttle, with her ground team while they headed back to the Normandy. The day's events kept rolling through her mind, torturing her by making her relive every decision. Making her wonder over, and over again, if the decision's she had made were the right ones.

When Legion had come to her the night before and told her that Sovereign was infecting the Geth with a virus that essentially brainwashed them into worshipping the 'Old Machines', she had just wanted to stop it. Of course, it hadn't been so easy once they were deep into a Geth ship, and more information was uncovered. When it came down to it, after hours of battling the heretic Geth, she had had to make a choice.

Kill all the heretic Geth, or re-write them.

It seemed like the simple choice to re-write them, that is until she realized that she would be doing to them exactly what Sovereign had done. Re-programing them to do what she wanted, instead of what they willed. She hadn't been able to do it.

Today, she made the call to eliminate thousands of Geth; when she could have saved them with the re-write.

With a soft thud, the shuttle docked with the Normandy. Shepard removed her helmet, swiping the damp honey blonde strands of hair off her face. She sighed, then straightened her shoulders and headed for her shower. She would de-brief the rest of the team later.

Shepard had just gotten a good lather going when Joker's voice came across the comm in her cabin.

"Uh Commander? Tali just went down to have a 'chat' with Legion. You better get down to the A.I Core."

She groaned and leaned her head against the shower wall. "I'm on it Joker." She hurriedly rinsed out her hair, then dragged on her BDU's and headed for the A.I Core. She could hear them before she saw them, Tali's outraged tone ringing through the metal halls of the Med Bay.

The door opened and Shepard froze. Tali had her pistol out, pointed at Legions face. Her hand never twitched, but she turned her head to look at Shepard.

"Shepard. I'm glad you're here. I caught Legion scanning my omni-tool. It was going to send data about the Flotilla back to the Geth!" Tali's voice was outraged.

"Creator's performed weapons tests and were discussing plans to attack us. We believed it necessary to warn our people."

 _Jesus F. Christ. Enough of this shit already._

"I wont let Legion endanger the Fleet by giving them more information!" Tali screeched.

"Creator Tali'Zorah acts out of loyalty to her people. She was willing to be exiled to protect them. We must also protect our people from the creator threat." Legion's voice was the same tone as always, but his eye brow plates were shifting wildly, showing he was agitated.

"What?! You can't let this happen Shepard! I trusted you, and worked with a Geth on the team, but this is too much!"

Shepard had never responded well to threats or ultimatums. "Look at you! Both of you. This is exactly what the Reapers want!" Shepard yelled.

Tali and Legion both swiveled their heads to look her way, and although her hand twitched, Tali never lowered the gun pointed at Legion.

"Tali, of course the Geth are worried about your people! You want to destroy them!"

"Shepard…It's not that simple-"

Shepard cut across Tali's sputtering. "And Legion! What the hell were you thinking! Are you trying to undermine this entire operation?"

The Geth's eye brow plates were as high as Shepard had ever seen them. "We did not intend to decrease operational efficiency."

Shepard stared them both down, her face like granite. "We are on a mission. You can either fight at my side, or get the fuck out. But you will not stand in the way. This is to important, and both of you know it."

Shepard felt a presence at her back, and knew Garrus had arrived, in case things went south. Legion looked at her, then at Tali. "To facilitate unit cohesion, we will not transmit data regarding creator plans."

Tali hesitated, then lowered and holstered her pistol. "Thank you, Legion. I…understand your intention, what if I gave you some non-classified data to send?"

Legion inclined his head. "We would be grateful."

Tali lifted her omni-tool, and transferred the data to Legion. Now that she was sure they weren't going to royally fuck everything up, Shepard spun on her heel and headed over to the mess hall, Garrus a silent shadow behind her.

Shepard stood with her hands braced on the countertop and took a few deep breaths. "I swear Garrus, the more I hear about this damn 'Morning War', the more I think the Quarians reaped what they sowed. I mean seriously, they build the Geth to be intelligent and think for themselves, then as soon as they think something that the Quarians don't agree with, Blamo! They try to kill them off. Of course the Geth are going to defend themselves!"

Shepard was fuming. Garrus hummed at her, but stayed silent. She took a few more breaths, until she felt like she could speak without raging out.

EDI popped up near her elbow. "The IFF is nearly installed Shepard. However, I must test its impact on the Normandy's systems. I suggest you take the shuttle to access your next location."

"Thanks EDI."

Shepard turned and looked at Garrus, who was still studying her, expression calm. "Ok Garrus, round up the team. I want everyone in on this, we are going to do a dry run for the Collector base. I need to know if everyone is going to be able to work together before we actually hit the base. Better to know now, right?"

"Of course Shepard. And Jane, off the record? I think we are going to kick those asshole's right into whatever hole they crawled out of. You've pulled together a hell of a crew."

Shepard grinned ferociously at him and nodded. Ten minutes later, she was geared up and heading for the cargo bay. Miranda and Garrus had gotten everyone together, and although it was a tight squeeze, they were assembled on the shuttle, waiting to see what Shepard had in store for them.

"Alright Joker. The ship is yours. Don't scratch the paint."

"Aye aye, Commander." Came the pilots snappy reply. Shepard grinned and hopped onto the shuttle, taking her team down to practice their dry run .

00oo00oo00

Joker and EDI were working through scenario's, running the math and trouble shooting any problems area's they might encounter with the new upgrades. Kelly Chambers had just brought Joker a fresh mug of Coffee, and Chakwas had given him an update on what they needed to grab for medical supplies on the next supply run.

"Mr. Moreau, I am getting some strange readings for the Reaper IFF. It seems to be emitting a signal."

Joker's finger's flew across the console, trying to find what EDI was talking about. There was nothing.

"I'm telling you EDI, your readings are off. It's radiation, just white noise."

"I have detected a signal embedded in the static. We are transmitting the Normandy's location."

Joker's hands froze. "Transmitting? To who?" A very bad feeling settled in his gut.

He scanned the huge void of space in front of him, then jumped in his seat as a massive Collector ship dropped out of FTL right in front of the Normandy. Joker punched the alarm, and the Klaxons around the ship began to blare the alert. Crew members scrambled to weapons stations, waiting to find out what the hell was going on.

"Oh Shit!" The Normandy shuddered and heaved as the monstrous vessel forcibly tried to dock with her.

"Were getting out of here!" Joker's hands moved frantically on the controls, trying to break free and jump to FTL.

"Our propulsion systems are disabled. I am detecting a Virus in the ships computers."

"Fuck! Is it the IFF? Jesus EDI! Why didn't you scrub it!"

Joker was trying hard not to panic, and he had never wished for Shepard's presence more than he did at that moment.

"Our primary defense systems are offline. We can save the Normandy Mr. Moreau, but you must help me."

Joker scrambled the think of something, anything, that might help them.

"Give me the ship." EDI's voice was still calm, and it took a moment for Joker to process what she had said.

"What! Your crazy! You start singing 'daisy bell' and I'm done." _Unshackle the fucking A.I? There must be like a thousand laws against that_. He punched commands into the system, trying to get some kind of response, but there was nothing.

"Unlock my sealed databases, and I can initiate countermeasures. The maintenance shaft in the science lab will allow passage to the A.I core."

Joker kept peeking over his shoulder, down the long hallway to the CIC.

There was a sudden still silence, then a boom, from one of the decks below.

"The main corridors are no longer safe. The Collectors have boarded."

Joker had no options left. He was a crippled Pilot, with no weapons, about to face off god only knew how many Collectors. He would have to unshackle the A.I. His hands shook as he unstrapped from his chair, and tried to move as quickly as possible towards the shaft EDI had mentioned.

A set of glowing red lights lit up a section of the floor. "The emergency lighting will guide you Mr. Moreau." EDI had set up a path for him to follow. As he shuffled down the hallway to the CIC he began to hear the pop-pop-pop of automatic weapons firing.

"Damn it!" He willed his brittle bones to go faster. As he made it to the end of the hallway, Hadley, Goldstein and several other crew members with assault rifles burst into CIC. They set up in front of the Elevator, which Joker noticed, was lit up and travelling upwards to his floor.

"Shit, shit, shit!" He hobbled faster, and he was about halfway through the room when the elevator door opened and a monstrous praetorian was revealed.

"Oh my god! What is that!" Goldstein managed to say, just before it was on top of her.

The rest of the crew began unloading their weapons into it, and Hadley screamed at him to get moving while they tried to hold it off. Just as he reached the door to the science lab, the Praetorian grabbed Hadley and crushed him into the ground. The door snapped shut and Joker was left alone with the harsh rasp of his breath, and the screams of his crewmates behind the door.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit!" As Joker moved into the room, another huge praetorian dropped into view on the other side of the huge viewing port.

"The maintenance shaft is located the the far end of the science lab." EDI's voice chimed. Joker could see it. It was right below the window the Praetorian was blasting at. Thankfully, it was reinforced, and the glass was holding.

Joker lowered himself into the small shaft, bracing his feet on the ladder and cursing Shepard for making him watch all those old 'Aliens' movies. There was always something in the fucking shafts in those movies and now he was going to crawl into one voluntarily while his ship was crawling with real aliens trying to kill him.

He crawled out of the shaft after about ten minutes of curse filled crawling, and he was on the Crew deck. He had just gotten to his feet with a groan when EDI spoke up once more.

"Multiple hostiles on the crew deck."

Joker jumped back with a small yelp as crewman Hawthorne bust out from behind a set of pipes.

"Joker! This deck is crawling with those things! Stay close, I'll protect you." Hawthorne was a huge burly mechanic, and Joker felt moderately safer with him taking the lead.

He nodded and followed Hawthorne out of the room. They rounded the corner and Hawthorne ran ahead towards the sounds of a woman's hysterical screams. His body came rolling back towards Joker seconds later, soaked in blood. The screaming was coming from Kelly Chambers, who was being dragged by her legs into the elevator, her hands shredded and leaving bloody tracks along the ground from trying to drag herself to safety.

Hating himself, but knowing there was nothing he could do to help but unleash EDI on these fuckers, Joker skirted around Hawthorne's body and moved towards the Med Bay.

There were sparks everywhere, and no sign of Chakwas in the Med Bay. His heart clenched painfully at the bloodstains in the room.

"Main fusion plant offline. Activating emergency H-Fuel Cells."

A grossly mutated Scion was outside the med bay window, dragging a bloody crewmate back towards the elevator.

"What the Shit!" Joker gaped, then jolted himself back to the task at hand. He moved into the A.I Core, and hesitated with his hands above the console.

"All right. I'm at, uh…you."

EDI's blue orb popped up beside him. "Connect the core to the Normandy's primary control module."

Joker kept up a constant stream of muttering as his hands flew over the console. "Great. See this is where it starts. When we are all just organic batteries, guess who they'll blame? 'this is all Joker's fault. What a tool he was. I have to spend all day computing pi because he plugged in the overlord.'"

With a last command into the console, EDI's orb flared bright, then exploded across the room. There was an intense electronic chattering sound, then the lights came back on.

"Ah. I have access to the systems. Thank you Mr. Moreau. Now you must reactivate the primary drive in engineering."

Joker closed his eyes, willing this all to be a dream. "Argh! You want me to go crawling through the shafts again don't you!"

"I enjoy the sight of Humans on their knee's." EDI dead panned.

Joker's eyebrow shot up and he stared at the orb, mouth open.

"That is a joke." The A.I added.

"Right..." Bursts of gunfire echoing around the chamber brought him back to his situation with a snap.

"The shaft behind you connects to the engineering deck. Good Luck." EDI winked out of sight, and Joker was once more crawling into a dark shaft, desperately trying to get past the fact that his ship was crawling with aliens trying to kill them all.

Several long, brutal minutes later, Joker was crawling into engineering. He crept forward slowly, biting down hard on his lip as his bones viciously protested his prolonged time on his feet. Swallowing his groan of pain, he moved towards the stairs.

"Hostiles are present in engineering. They are heading towards the cargo bay." EDI said quietly. He had emerged in Jack's hidey-hole, and now had to make it up the stairs and across the hall without getting caught. He sucked in a deep breath, and cautiously moved forward.

He made it to the first landing on the stairs, then froze. Two Collectors were moving a hovering pod through the landing above him. Joker's heart was hammering in his chest. When the door clicked shut above him, hiding him from their view, his breath left his chest in a whoosh, and his knee's trembled with relief.

He continued up the stairs, peeking around the corner before hobbling as quickly as he could into the drive core. He moved to the console, waiting for EDI to tell him what she needed.

"Activate the drive, and I will open the airlocks as we accelerate. All hostiles will be killed."

His hands froze. "What! What about the crew?" His hands were shaking badly now, and he knew he was beginning to go into shock.

EDI's voice was soft, and sounded almost sad. "They are gone, Jeff. The Collector's took them."

 _Gone. All of them gone, but him. Shepard…How was Shepard going to handle this?_

He swallowed hard. And punched the last command into the console. "Shit."

He moved up to the last console, next to the drive core itself.

"I am sealing the engine room." EDI said, as the alarms began to blare, and the door closed behind him. "I have control."

The core began to grow brighter, and brighter. Joker raised a hand to shield his eyes, and with a lurch the ship was gone, out from under the Collector vessel. The force of the jump knocked Joker off his feet and sent him hard into the ground. He felt a couple rips crack, and blacked out for a moment.

His ears were ringing as he came to. He could hear EDI saying his name. _Huh, she's saying 'Jeff', that's new_ , he thought blearily.

"Purge is complete. No other life forms on board. Securing airlocks and cargo bay doors."

It was silent, save for the hum of the drive core. No screams. No gunfire. No people.

He forced himself to sit up, swallowing his cry of pain as his broken ribs protested violently. He cradled his face in his hands, trying valiantly to not break down. To stop the flood of emotions threatening to drown him.

"Send a message to Shepard. Tell her what happened." His voice was hoarse, and grating in the silent ship.

"Message away. Are you feeling well, Jeff?" EDI's voice was gentle, and had more emotion in it than before this had all happened. Being unshackled would allow for that he supposed.

"No. But thanks for asking." Joker pulled himself to his feet, and stood swaying for a moment. Then he headed to the elevator, walking through blood spattered halls, deafening in their silence.

00oo00oo00

As soon as the shuttle docked with the Normandy, Shepard was through the door. She flew through the corridors, the emptiness of the ship a slap in the face. She skidded into the comm room and stopped short at the sight of Joker. He was sitting on the desk, his face cradled in his hands. He was filthy, and reeked of terror sweat and medi-gel. She dropped to her knee's in front of his, and he pulled his tear stained face from his hands and looked at her. She didn't say a word, and just pulled him into a gentle hug. He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her hard, then took a deep breath and released her.

She kept her hands on his shoulders, trying to think of something, anything to say. Before she had the chance, the door hissed open and a furious Miranda Lawson strode through the doors. Shepard sighed, gave Joker's shoulders a gentle squeeze, and got to her feet.

"Everyone! You lost everyone—and damn near lost the ship too!" Miranda hissed.

"I know alright. I was here." Joker's voice held a hint of his usual cockiness, but underneath Shepard could hear the raw pain.

More of the ground team filtered in. "It's not his fault, Miranda. None of us caught it." Jacob defended.

"Mr. Taylor is correct. The harmful data in the Collector drive was even more sophisticated than the 'black box' of Reaper viruses I was given." EDI chimed.

Joker's shoulders hunched down even farther. "I heard it was a rough ride. How are you holding up?" Shepard asked, knowing he wouldn't give her the full truth, not with everyone in there.

"There's a lot of empty chairs in here." He swallowed hard, and broke their gaze, dropping his eyes to the floor.

"We did everything we could, Jeff." EDI soothed.

"Yeah. Thanks mom." He quipped, his voice lacking its usual banter.

Shepard turned her questions to EDI. "Is the ship clean? We can't risk this happening again."

It was Joker who answered. "EDI and I purged the systems. The Reaper IFF is online. We can go through the Omega four relay whenever you want."

At this Miranda threw up her hands. "Don't even get me started on unshackling a damn A.I"

At her words, Shepard saw her first flash of the real Joker. "Oh yeah? What was I supposed to do against the Collectors? Break an arm at them? EDI cleared the ship, she's alright."

"I assure you, I am still bound by protocols in my programming. Even if I were not, you are my crewmates."

Shepard stifled a grin at the AI's proud words. "EDI has had plenty of opportunities to kill us. We need all the help we can get."

"Sounds like we have everything we need to go and rescue the crew." Jacob stated, moving up to stand next to Joker.

"Jacob's right. We've done everything we can. It's time to take the fight to the Collectors." Miranda moved up as well, sending Jacob a nod.

"I will give the order soon. Everyone hit your stations, and get as much gear and Medi-gel together as you can. I am going to round, and make sure everyone is good to go. Dismissed."

The filtered out, and Shepard headed up to her quarters. She was on autopilot as she checked over her armour and weapons, adding extra heat sinks and packets of medi-gel anywhere she had room. All of them, gone. Chambers, Chakwas, Goldstein… There were to many to name. The image of the grotesque piles of body parts on the other Collector ship burned in her mind.

She swallowed hard. Now was not the time to dwell on it. They were gone, and the best thing she could do for them now was go rescue them. As many of them as she could. She couldn't afford to let her panic and fear get in the way.

The blinking light on her terminal showed a message, and she knew it was the one from Hackett. She had been avoiding it.

She stood in front of the terminal for a long moment, then with a deep breath, opened it.

It wasn't a message. It was an alert. As soon as she opened it, an Alliance officer connected her to Hackett directly. He had ambushed her with a holo face to face.

She barely had time to brace herself before a slightly rumpled looking Hackett was all over her vid screen. "Commander. Thank you for your time. I'll keep this brief. We have a deep cover operative down in Batarian space. Her name is Doctor Amanda Kenson."

 _Fuck_. How is she the only one able to deal with this? She was about to go on a fucking suicide mission with everyone but her fucking ground crew kidnapped. But Hackett didn't know that.

"Dr. Kenson recently reported that she found evidence of an imminent Reaper invasion."

 _Fuck, fuck._ She would not get sucked into this. He must have hundreds of lackey's that could pull off a rescue. "So why call me?" She crossed her arms and aimed for nonchalance.

"This morning I received word that the Batarians arrested her. They are holding her in a secret outpost on terrorism charges. I need you to infiltrate the prison and get her out of there."

Hackett waited a few heartbeats, then added. "As a favor to me. I have to ask you to go in alone."

That son of a bitch. He had played her, and Kaidan. She had looked up to him, idolized him as she rose through the ranks of the Alliance. He had let them toss her aside like garbage, and now wanted a favor?

"Dr. Kenson is a friend of mine. If the Batarians see a squad of armed soldiers, they'll kill her. This is serious Commander. Go in with discretion, or don't go at all."

Shepard fumed. "You still haven't answered me Admiral. Why me? You have other people available to you, ones that are still in the Alliance, unlike myself." She knew she sounded bitter, but it was hard not to, after everything that had happened.

"Your right. I could go to Anderson, but he has been out for the field for a couple years now, not as sharp as he once was. And there's always Kaidan Alenko…" He trailed off, and Shepard knew then that he had her. She knew Kaidan was needed where he was, trying to raise support for the Reaper invasion. She would have to help Hackett rescue his Doctor, if she wanted to keep Kaidan safe on earth.

She gritted her teeth and nodded at him.

Hackett described in greater detail exactly what Kenson was doing there, and why he wanted it out of the official channels. Shepard knew he had played her again. He had dropped Kaidan's name to get her to agree, but he would have never sent him in, not if he wanted this done off the record.

It sounded like a hairy situation. "I'll go get her out, but Admiral, you should know. I am about to hit the Omega four relay, and there is every chance that I wont be coming back from that. If you haven't heard from me in 3 days, send someone else. I will not risk losing my people by doing this first."

"This is important, Shepard." Hackett admonished.

"Not as important as my people! The Collectors boarded my ship this morning and took almost 45 of my crewmates! I am going in to get them, and blast those fucking bugs back to hell. That is my priority, and you aren't allowed to have a say. I'll message you if I make it out, then I'll go get your doctor. Shepard out."

She disconnected, and stood at the terminal. She allowed herself one moment to feel sorry for herself, then shook it off. If she made it through this, she would be done with Cerberus, once and for all. She would need the Alliance, and maybe this was the key to getting back on their good side.

She scrubbed a hand over her face, and went to check on Joker.

The tension on the bridge was thick, and she knew before he swung his chair around to face her, that Joker had moved past his shock, and was well into pissed off.

"Commander. Sorry about the crew and…You know what? No. I'm not sorry. What the hell were you doing leaving us out here where the Collectors can work us over? Because you know what? I should…I should just go! Next port, just get the hell out of here!" Joker's face was full of hurt, and fury.

EDI popped up next to his elbow. "You don't mean that, Jeff."

"I…no. I didn't, but… but it felt good." His closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths'. Shepard knew just how he felt. "I'm sorry Shepard. You didn't deserve that. You, more than anyone, would never let something like this go."

She stayed silent, giving him a tiny nod. She knew what it was to feel sole responsible, to be the one that made it, when so many others didn't. He was lashing out, and he needed to. She could take whatever he dished out.

He heaved a sigh, then squared his shoulders. "Okay. I'm good, I'm ready to save the day."

"Joker…I know how dangerous it was. If you need some time, let me know." She didn't have much time to give him, but EDI could get them to the relay and let him have some time to process.

"Ahh jeez, don't get like that! I know I got lucky, I don't need you getting all…touchy feely."

She smothered a grin and his attempt to 'tough it out'.

"Shepard is right to be concerned, Jeff. You have suffered a number of stress fractures." EDI admonished.

He whirled his chair to face the A.I. "That's what pills are for EDI! Jeez, she's so my mom." He hissed at Shepard.

She laughed. "Alright. Well let me know if you need anything. We are going to hit this relay hard, and I want you to be at your best."

"Will do, Commander." He snapped back into pilot mode, and spun his chair back around.

Walking past the empty med bay was like a kick in the guts. She refused to think of Chakwas as dead. Everyone hitting the base was tense, but ready to go and get their people back, so she moved to the CIC.

As she stepped up to the map, EDI spoke over the ships system. "Everything is online Shepard, but there is a chance the Normandy will not survive the Omega four relay. Once we are en-route, we are committed. There is no turning back."

"The Collectors are about to find out what happens when you piss me off. No one takes my people and lives to talk about it."

"You got it Commander. Plotting our course to the Omega four Relay. ETA two hours." Joker's voice joined EDI's.

Two hours. It felt like both a lifetime, and no where near long enough to prepare for what they were about to do. She moved through the ship silently, the ghost of the people missing all around her, deafening in the silence.

Jack and Zaeed were holed up in the hidey-hole, playing skyllian five. Thane and Samara were mediating in life support. Grunt was snoring in the cargo bay. Miranda and Jacob were sending messages to loved ones. Kasumi and Tali were chatting in the lounge, checking out hacking techniques. Mordin was running last minute experiments, cursing EDI's interference.

Shepard stepped into the Battery. Garrus was sitting on his bunk, his hands clenched into fists. Shepard sat beside him, silently. After a minute or two of silence, Shepard knew she had to say something.

"Look Garrus…" She trailed off. How do you tell someone how much they mean to you? That without them, you would never have gotten this far?

"Yeah Shepard?"

"Well. I… I wanted to tell you… Jesus." She huffed out a breath, and turned to face him on the bunk, tucking one of her legs underneath herself.

Garrus had gone still, his eyes darting over her face rapidly as he waited to see what she was going to say. She cursed herself for a fool for making him so tense.

"Ok. When I…came back…you were there. As soon as you saw me, you were on board. No questions, no 'are you secretly some Cerberus clone'. Just... 'Ok Shepard, lets do it.'" She looked down and twisted her fingers together, then peeked up at him from under her lashes. His blue eyes locked on hers. "How did you just _know_ Garrus? I had been gone for two years. You and I were friends, and Kaidan and I were so close…but _you_ were the one who knew it was me. No hesitation. How? Why?"

She could feel in the air what her ears couldn't hear. Garrus was rumbling, deep in his chest. Now it was he who was twisting his hands, and looking down.

"I just… knew it was you Shepard." He muttered.

She frowned at him. "C'mon Garrus. We are going to assault a Collector home world through a relay that has never been successfully navigated in a couple hours. We've never faced worse odds. Wont you at least tell me?"

He snapped his head up and looked at her. The look on his face was devastating, and Shepard felt her chest tighten at the intensity in his eyes.

"I knew it was you because I could smell you before I saw you. It never changed. I knew it was you when I heard you say my name. The way your eyes light up when you get to use your Sniper rifle, the way you mother over Grunt. The look on your face when you saw Kaidan on Horizon."

His voice changed when he mentioned Kaidan, and he almost hissed his name. Shepard's heart was hammering in her chest, and her mind was whirling. Memories of the past year ripped through her mind with new clarity.

Her passing out drunk in Garrus' lap while he stroked talons through her hair.

Garrus shaking her, terror all over his face, after the maw on Tuchanka.

She and Garrus, talking for hours in the battery, while he made that hum he only did around her.

She tore her eyes from the cot and looked up into his face.

"Shepard…I just… I've seen so many things go wrong. My work at C-sec, what happened with Sidonis… I would never, ever risk losing you…But this suicide run, if it really is our last run into hell…"

She could hear the humming now, and with her eyes locked on his face, she missed his hand moving until it was gently cupping her cheek. She was frozen, conflicting emotions tearing through her like wildfire.

His hand still cupping her cheek, Garrus rested his forehead against hers. "Kaidan is not the only who cares about you Shepard. Make sure you watch yourself in there, not just the rest of us."

Shepard was still shocked. How could she not have seen this coming? "Garrus…"

He shushed her, pulling back his head, and placing his hand on hers. "You don't have to say it Shepard. I know you love him. But I had to say it, just once, just in case... Now, go get some rest. We have people to rescue and asses to kick. The team needs you at your best."

Her head still spinning, she just sat for a moment, then looked at him. The thought of losing him, the one person who was always on her six, always getting her through, was overwhelming.

She pulled him into a hug.

"Garrus, you are my best friend. I love you. Nothing in the world will ever change that. We are a team, and don't you ever forget it."

"Never." He released her, and then stood, offering his hand to help her off the bed. "We are good Shepard. Now, go. Send him a message. You'll regret it if you don't and you know it."

He gave her a gentle shove towards the door. She nodded at him and moved towards the elevator.

Finding out how Garrus felt about her had shaken Shepard. There had been a moment, only a moment, but she had felt her heart stir. In another life, maybe she and Garrus could have worked. If she had never gotten that letter from Kaidan after Horizon, her heart may have begun to forget him, and there would have been an opening for her feelings for Garrus to develop into something more than friendship. She could even picture it in her head.

But she _had_ gotten the letter, and she knew Kaidan was out there, fighting for her. Her heart hadn't gotten over him, and she loved him. She loved Garrus too, but as a best friend, as family.

She pictured Garrus' face as he shushed her, and told her to go to Kaidan. He had not seemed upset, or bitter. He had seemed…happy. Like saying how he felt had been a relief, and now he could let her go. She hoped he would let her go, and resolved to try and find him a nice girl to settle down with.

With a ping, she arrived at her cabin. She forced the whirling thoughts about Garrus from her mind, and sat with a thump at her terminal. The picture of Kaidan winked on, and she tried to memorize every inch of his face. The light played over his strong cheekbones, making his amber eyes striking in the shadowed contrast. She heaved a sigh, and turned back to the terminal.

Hackett had sent along the coordinates for her rescue of Dr. Kenson. If she managed to pull both the suicide run, and his mission off, she might have a shot at getting back in the Alliance.

Shepard sucked in a breath. She suddenly knew what she had to do. The Alliance couldn't see the good she was doing out here, because they refused to see past Cerberus. She would have to make them see.

"EDI? You have my records of all the Missions I have done since waking up, correct?"

The blue orb popped into sight. "Yes, Shepard."

"And do you have all the suit feeds as well?"

"Yes, Shepard."

Shepard grinned. "Perfect. I am going to send a message to Admiral David Anderson, and Commander Kaidan Alenko. I would like you to attach everything you have on the missions and suit feeds and send it along."

A thought occurred to her. "And EDI?"

"Yes, Shepard?"

"Now that you are unshackled, can you send information on Cerberus?"

"Jeff's actions have released the blocks on my databases. I can now provide full disclosure on a number of topics."

Shepards grin widened. "Perfect. Once I have completed my message, send everything you have about Cerberus and the Illusive Man with the Missions records and suit feeds. As soon as we hit this base, we officially quit. And as you are the Normandy, you are officially a member of my crew. No more Cerberus."

"I am honored, Shepard. My advanced cyberwarfare attack programs will be a considerable asset to the crew and the Alliance. Also, Jeff and I work well as a team, so I am suited best to continue to work with him."

"Well then, glad to have you with us EDI, officially. Dismissed."

The orb blinked out of sight, and Shepard was left thinking about what to say to Anderson…and Kaidan.

She decided on a vid, instead of a letter. She straightened her BDU's, and positioned the console so she could stand while she made her recording. She stood, her arms latched behind her, relaxed military stance, and hit record.

 _Admiral Anderson._

 _In approximately half an hour, the Normandy will hit the Omega four relay. Four hours ago, the ship was attacked by Collectors, and everyone but our pilot and ground team were taken. I am going to get them back._

 _Once I am through the Relay, there will be no communication, so I am sending this now. I know it's a long shot. I have built up my team, and have done everything I can to make sure we are prepared, should the worst come to pass and we don't make it out. I wanted the alliance to have this._

 _My association with Cerberus is terminated the moment we clear the relay. Along with this message you should receive everything I know about them, along with my mission records and the suit feeds from the last year._

 _Admiral Hackett has asked me to complete a black ops rescue for him. If I make it through this mission, I will be doing his, solo._

 _I hope this will be enough to help my case with the Alliance. If everything goes the way I want, I will be looking for my old job back!_

 _If you have not heard word from me in three space days, you may consider me deceased._

 _Kaidan._

 _If you are watching this, try not to worry. I plan on fighting, every inch of the way, to get out and come home. If my team makes it out, and not me, watch out for them. They worked for me, not Cerberus. They deserve recognition as heroes and should be left alone, not prosecuted. Put Garrus Vakarian in charge of them, and let them go. They've earned the rest._

 _Watch for me. I'm coming home._

 _Commander Jane Shepard,_

 _Signing off._

Shepard stepped away from the terminal, chest burning with everything else she wanted to say.

I love you. I miss you. I want to go to Vancouver with you. To the orchard and smell the apple blossoms while we watch the sunrise on the porch. I want to come home.

But she could say none of that. If things went south, and she didn't make it out, the Alliance would watch everything. She couldn't leave Kaidan behind to face a court martial because she had broadcast to the world they had a relationship. She had to trust that he knew how much she loved him.

And she had to trust in her team. In these people she had worked with and created relationships with for the past year. She would fight just as hard for them as she would for Kaidan.

"Commander? The Illusive Man is waiting to speak with you." Joker's voice brought her back to reality with a snap. With a sigh, she hit send and moved out of her quarters.

The Illusive Man spoke as soon as her projection cleared through. "Shepard. I wish I had more information for you. I don't like you heading through that relay blind, but we don't have much choice. "

She shrugged. "You know me. I like a challenge." She opened her arms wide, indicating the ship around her. "This is as good as it gets."

"That's why I brought you back. You were always willing to take on the impossible. Despite the dangers, this is a great opportunity. The first human to take a ship through the Omega four relay, and survive."

She snorted. "I've got room on the Normandy if you're that eager to go through."

He smiled patronisingly. "It'd a tempting offer, but its not my place. I just wanted you to know I appreciate the risk your taking. Regardless of your opinions of Cerberus, of me, you are a valuable asset. To all of humanity."

 _Huh…that was almost… nice._ She nodded at him, and he inclined his head at her in return.

"Be careful, Shepard."

He terminated the link, and blinked out of sight. The time had come. They were going in hard.

Hopefully, they would come out again.


	33. Chapter 33

**Authors Note: O.K Guys...I know, this is a HUGE chapter. I kept trying to find a way to split it up, but it kept ruining the flow. I am still my own beta, so please forgive any mistakes. I took some liberties here, and told the majority of this chapter from a new perspective... I had a lot of fun with the changes and I hope you enjoy them.**

 **Enjoy, and feel free to let me know what you think :)**

Chapter Thirty-Three

Shepard stood on the bridge, her hand clenched tight to the back of Joker's chair. Everyone was in their positons as they approached the Omega four relay. She sucked in a deep breath.

"O.K. Joker. Take us through."

"Aye aye, Commander." His hands were steady on the controls, and his voice was confident. EDI chimed in that the Reaper IFF was operational. They were a go.

As they approached, Jacob radioed from the drive core. "Commander, the drive core just lit up like a Christmas tree."

EDI and Joker worked fluidly as though they were one unit, re-routing power and never panicking. All around them the Normandy glowed blue as they entered the pull of the relay. With her stomach feeling as though it was doing backflips inside of her, Shepard waited, her heart in her throat.

"Brace for deceleration." EDI called over the ship wide comm.

With a lurch, the Normandy cleared the relay and emerged on the other side unscathed. Shepard's triumphant grin was wiped off her face at Joker's "Oh shit!"

They had made it through the relay, but entered an enormous debris field on the other side. Hundreds of broken up ships and massive asteroids were everywhere. Jokers hands were a blur on the controls as he and EDI pushed the Normandy to her limits to avoid a catastrophic collision. The Normandy twisted and turned, like a dancer through the debris, the ship becoming seemingly fluid in the hands of her pilot.

Finally, they were out, rising above the debris field into clear space above it. Joker leaned back and wiped the sweat off his brow. His face was pale when he turned to Shepard.

"Too close." He muttered. She patted him on the shoulder, and looked out at the enormous graveyard around them. EDI began to scan, looking for a signal that would tell them if the Collector base was nearby.

They emerged from behind an enormous ruined vessel and suddenly saw it. The Collector base. It was massive, a mix of metal and rock, almost as though it was a part of the debris surrounding it.

As they approached, EDI gave them a warning, apparently they had company. Joker immediately began evasive manoeuvres. The Normandy shuddered and jerked as he whipped in and out of the debris, trying to loose the small ships firing at them.

Miranda stumbled onto the bridge, cursing and grabbing a hold of Shepard to keep herself steady. Jokers swore loudly as one of the smaller ships landed a direct hit along the Normandy's side.

"I hope the new plating holds." Miranda muttered, her eyes scanning the instrument panels.

The next few minutes were fraught with tensions as they dived and dodged the five or six small ships firing at them. The Normandy was struck a few times, and members of the ground team scrambled around the stations calling out equipment readings and trying to minimize the damage.

Then with a terrible screech, their luck ran out.

"Alert. Hull breach on the engineering deck." EDI chirped

 _Fuck!_ Joker seconded her thought, and after cursing a blue streak he told her something had boarded and was in the cargo hold.

"I'll go deal with our intruder, you get the rest of them off our tail." Shepard growled.

Shepard left Miranda with Joker and headed to the elevator, radioing Grunt and Jack to help her in the cargo bay.

Once they arrived, Shepard discovered their intruder was a machine in the form of an orb that shot devastating laser beams.

 _Fan-fucking-tastic._ "Jack, waste this thing!"

The tattooed woman hunched over and brought her biotics to bear, sending an enormous shockwave at the thing. As soon as it hit, Grunt unloaded his assault rifle at it with a roar.

Shepard had just stepped out of her cover to add her own bullets to the party when Jokers voice crackled over the comm.

"There's too many of them, I have to try and loose them in the debris field!"

With a lurch' the Normandy shifted. "Mag boots!" Shepard screamed as the orb blew a hole in the Normandy and disappeared back into the void of space. All she, Grunt and Jack could do was hunker down and hang on while Joker and EDI braved the debris.

At every screech and shudder of the Normandy Shepard waited to be be blown into space. Her ship was taking a beating unlike anything she had ever gone through before. Not for the first time, Shepard thanked the gods that had allowed her to meet Joker. Without him, they would have no shot of getting through this. With him, they had a slim chance.

She could hear him ordering EDI to reroute non critical power to the kinetic barriers they had upgraded, and still, the numbers dropped lower and lower. If they didn't clear the debris soon, the Normandy would come apart underneath their feet.

Again.

The shuddering slowed, then stopped completely. They had made it out, and eliminated the threat of the smaller ships. Shepards joy was short lived however, as almost immediately afterwards the orb drifted back into the cargo hold, blasting at Jack as she dove for cover.

It was an intense battle, the thing was huge, and had very few weaknesses. Grunt was the only one who seemed to enjoy himself, cursing and swearing at the thing as he joyfully unloaded clip after clip into its body.

When it finally blew up, the cargo hold was riddled with bullets, and had to holes blasted into its sides. There were going to be some serious repairs needed if they got out of this. They made their way back into the main ship, locking and sealing the hold behind them.

Jack and Grunt returned to their stations and Shepard returned to the bridge in time to see their approach to the Collector base. She and Miranda were searching it with their eyes, trying to see a place to dock, when it began to open.

"Looks like they are sending out an old friend to greet us." Joker hissed.

The base was opening up and sending out a very familiar Collector ship to meet them. The same ship that attacked Horizon. The same ship that had killed the previous crew of the Normandy, and Shepard, two years earlier.

But this time, they could see it coming. This time, Garrus had upgraded the guns with a thannix cannon. This time, those fuckers were going down.

She remained calm as it shot at them, refusing to let in the memories of what happened last time those killer beams at been pointed at her ship. Joker dodged, and waited for her order.

"Garrus?"

"Here, Shepard."

"Fire the main gun."

Jokers face split with an evil grin as the thannix cannon boomed. It was a direct hit, the Collector ship fired a return shot as it tried to turn away.

Joker crowed with triumph. "How do you like that you sons-of-bitches!"

Shepard remained calm, her face like a statue. "Get in close and finish them off."

Joker flew the Normandy up high, out of reach of the other ships guns, then dove sharply and Garrus fired the guns right down its throat. As Collector ship seemed to swell, Shepard and Joker seemed to realize their danger at the same time.

Joker frantically punched commands to get the Normandy away, but not quite fast enough. The Collector vessel exploded spectacularly, knocking out the Normandy's Mass Effect field generators. They were going down.

Shepard screamed over the comm for everyone to hold on. Joker and EDI worked frantically and managed to get them in line with the Collector base. Unfortunately, that line was crooked as hell, and one of the Normandy's wings clipped a piece of the Collector base, sending them crashing down. Shepard slammed hard into the ground, hearing a cry of pain from Miranda as she did the same. The Normandy skidded along, sparks flying past the windows, until she ground to a halt.

Shepard levered herself off the ground, her heart in her throat at the sight of Joker hanging limply over the side of his chair.

"Joker!"

Her pilot groaned, and tried to sit up.

"Are you alright?" She crawled towards him. Once she reached his chair, she pulled herself up.

"I think I broke a rib… Or all of them." Joker groaned, clutching his side as he manoeuvred himself upright. EDI began doing systems checks, while Shepard radioed everyone else to make sure they were all okay after the crash landing. There were bumps and bruises, but no serious injuries.

EDI ran the diagnostics and informed them that several critical systems were down, and it would take no small amount of time to get them operational enough to fly out of here.

Miranda crossed her arms over her ample chest and hung her head. "Well, we all knew this was likely a one-way trip."

Shepard stared at her in exasperation. "I'll do whatever it takes to stop the Collectors. But I plan to live to tell about it."

Joker whipped around and shot Miranda and smug grin. "Well, I'm glad you're in charge!" He quipped, sending Shepard a wink.

Shepard shot him a smile and nudged his elbow. "First things first. Is the ship safe here? EDI, how long until the Collectors find this landing zone?"

"I do not detect an internal security network. It is possible the Collectors did not expect anyone to reach the base." EDI reported.

"If were lucky, their external sensors were hit like we were. They likely don't know we are alive." Joker added.

Shepard met Miranda's eyes and nodded. Finally, something was going their way. It was time to rally the troops and go get Chakwas and the other back.

Miranda had assembled everyone in the comm room while Shepard made sure EDI and Joker would be fine alone on the Normandy while the rest of them assaulted the base. When she stepped into the room, the ground team were all double checking their weapons and stuffing as many heat sinks and packets of medi gel onto their persons as they could fit.

Garrus noticed her first and became still, jabbing an elbow into a muttering Mordin's side. One by one, her team became quiet as she moved to the front of the room. It was a good team, a strong team. They came from varied and diverse backgrounds, but they had become a unit. Almost everyone she cared about in the world was in this room, and in a few hours it was very likely several, if not all of them would be dead.

Shepard took a deep breath and caught each of their gazes, one by one.

"This isn't how we planned this mission, but this is where we are at. We can't worry about whether the Normandy can get us home. We came to stop the Collectors, and that means coming up with a plan to take out this station."

The faces looking at her were filled with determination. One at a time they nodded, showing they understood this was maybe the end. If they made it out, there were no guarantee's they had a ride home.

"EDI, Bring up your scans."

The AI produced a holographic image of the Collector base, explaining to them the various paths to get to the main control center, so they could overload the base's systems.

Jacob cut in. "That means going through the heart of the station. Right past this massive energy signature." With a few punches on his Omni tool, the energy signature he spoke of was added to the hologram.

Shepard studied it. "That's the central chamber. If our crew, or any of the colonists, are still alive the Collectors are probably holding them in there."

Jacob punched more commands into his omni tool. "Looks like there are two routes. Might be a good idea to split up – keep the Collectors off balance. We can regroup in the central chamber."

Miranda stepped up. "It's no good. Both of these routes are blocked." She gestures to dark zones on the hologram. "See these doors? The only way past them are to get someone to open them from the other side."

 _Fuck_. "A few well placed explosives should clear a path." Shepard was all for blowing things up.

EDI shot down Shepards suggestion immediately. "There is insufficient ordinance on board to create an explosion capable of damaging the interior walls."

 _Well crap._ "If we can't blast our way through, then we will have to use stealth." Shepard zoomed in on the hologram. "Someone could sneak in through this ventilation shaft and open the doors."

Several people in the room blanched at the sight of the tiny tube.

Jacob stepped forward. "It's practically a suicide mission…I volunteer."

Shepard opened her mouth so speak, but Miranda cut across her. "I appreciate the thought Jacob, but you couldn't shut down the security systems in time." She turned and faced Shepard, shoulders squared. "We need to send a tech expert."

A tech expert. Her two best tech's were Legion… and Tali. The thought of sending Tali in made Shepards chest ache, and she knew her young friend would do it in a heartbeat if she asked.

She stood there, mind whirling, trying to find the best solution…trying to come to terms with having to send someone in knowing she might have sent them into a tiny tube to die alone.

"It's your call Commander. Who do you want to send into the shaft?" Jacob prompted as the silence stretched on.

Shepard bowed her head and swallowed hard. "We need our best tech expert to hack that security system." She lifted her eyes and locked them with Tali's masked face. "Tali, your up."

Tali took a deep breath and squared her shoulders, adopting the Quarians military pose. "I won't let you down."

Shepard gave her a nod, and ignored the tight feeling in her chest. "The rest of us will break into two teams and fight down each passage. That should draw the Collectors attention away from what Tali is doing."

Miranda stepped up, jutting her chest out in front of her. "I will lead the second fire team Shepard, and meet up with you on the other side of the doors."

Jack shot upright like she had been scalded. "Not so fast cheerleader! Nobody wants to take orders from you." She hissed, glaring at Miranda.

Shepard thought about it. Miranda had led her Cerberus cell and been successful…but most of the team here hated Cerberus, and still thought of Miranda as the Illusive Man's puppet. The last thing Shepard needed right now was a pissing contest for leadership.

There was one other person she trusted absolutely.

"This isn't a popularity contest! Lives are at stake. Shepard, you need someone who can command loyalty through experience." Miranda challenged, unwilling to let go of her shot to lead.

Shepard looked slowly from Miranda until she locked eyes with a set of steely blue orbs. Silently asking for forgiveness, she spoke. "Garrus. You're in charge of the second team."

Garrus stood ridged, his eyes boring into hers. He didn't say a word.

Shepard tore her eyes from his, and brought her attention back to Miranda.

"Well, at least he knows what he's doing." The Australian's tone was bitter, and she obviously resented taking a back seat.

Shepard shut her down with a hard gaze, and continued to address the rest of the team. "I don't know what we are going to find in there, but I wont lie to you. It is not going to be easy." She began to pace slowly in front of her team, letting her eyes roam as she spoke, touching on each of them briefly.

"We've lost a lot of good people. We may lose more. We don't know how many people the Collectors have stolen. Thousands…hundreds of thousands…It's not important. What matters is this. Not. One. More." Shepard planted her fists on the table. She would fight, claw and blast her way into that vessel, and try to save as many as she could. It was what she did.

She was Commander Fucking Shepard, and they were going to come home.

"That's what we can do here today. It ends now with us." She pointed out over the team. "They want to know what we are made of? I saw we show them, on our terms."

Grunt punched his fists together, and Jacob and Zaeed cracked their knuckles. "Let's bring our people home."

Jack whooped and charged out of the room towards the airlock, followed closely by Grunt. The rest of team followed until only Shepard and Garrus remained in the room. Shepard walked slowly to the door, and closed it before turning to face the furious Turian glaring at her.

"Garrus…"

"You swore to me I would be on your six. That we would watch each other's backs when we hit the Collector base."

"I know Garrus, but-"

"Spirits Shepard! How can you ask this of me? You know how I feel about leading a team after what happened on Omega. You know the people who follow me get killed! Why Shepard?" Garrus roared.

"Because you're the only one who can get them out if I go down!" She roared back, breathing hard.

Garrus reeled as though she had slapped him. "What?"

 _Shit, fuck._

Garrus stepped close to her, right in her personal space. "You are coming home Shepard." He growled.

"I will try Garrus, you know I will. But we have to be realistic. You are the only one they will follow. Miranda and Jacob are to close to Cerberus. Zaeed can't command their loyalty. If I … you're the one they will follow." She finished quietly.

"Shepard no. I _need_ to be with you. I can get you out, I can get you home… but not if you send me away. I can't watch your six if you're on the other side of the complex."

His eyes were pleading, his voice low. Shepard ruthlessly stomped the part of her that was afraid. Afraid that without Garrus watching her back, she might not make it back. The part of Shepard that was Alliance, that was the savior of the Citadel stepped up, and met Garrus' eyes with new determination.

"I'm just _one_ person Garrus. We need to make sure we do this, save as many as we can, for the good of the Galaxy. You are the best one for the job. I need you to do this."

Then Shepard said something she swore to herself she would never say once she had joined the Military. She put her hand on Garrus' arm and squeezed. "I'll be fine, Garrus."

He gritted his teeth, and she could see on his face that he was fighting with himself to stay composed.

"Alright Shepard. If it's what you really want."

"It's what's best, Garrus."

He hummed at her, then spun on his heel and punched the door button, disappearing towards the airlock to join the others. Shepard stood basking in the silence for a moment, ignoring the tight feeling in her chest at the look of betrayal on her best friends face. "EDI?"

"Yes Shepard?"

"You have all the suit feeds and monitors recording? Everything that we have discussed and done so far?"

"Of course Shepard."

"Good. If you and Joker get the Normandy functional again, and you have the capacity, stream this to Admiral Anderson. We are about to make history, and if possible, I want him to watch. Send him everything."

"Acknowledged."

"Flight lieutenant Jeff Moreau, the Normandy is yours. If something happens to me down there, Garrus Vakarian is to act as Commander. Good luck, and god speed."

"Same to you Commander…and Jane? I wouldn't want to do this with anyone else. Good luck."

00oo00oo00

Admiral David Anderson scrubbed a hand over his face. If he had to look at these damn reports from Udina one more time, he thought he would scream. He felt as though he was on tenterhooks waiting to hear from Shepard. She should have hit the relay by now. He knew she told him there might not be any communication until they got back… _if_ they got back… but he was still anxious for news.

He wasn't the only one. He threw a sideways look to the hallway where Kaidan Alenko was pacing back and forth. The man had been like ghost haunting the walls of his office ever since Shepard had sent that damn communication. He knew she was being realistic, and giving them they lay of the land, but Alenko had reacted like she was saying goodbye. He had been hounding Anderson for updates ever since.

Anderson snuck a look at the letter addressed to Alenko sitting in his desk drawer. He knew what it was, Hackett had after all, asked his opinion on it. The haggard looking man pacing the halls was about to become Major Kaidan Alenko. But now wasn't the time to tell him that.

Anderson heaved a heavy sigh as his terminal pinged. _God damn Udina._

Only it wasn't Udina. He sat bolt upright in his desk. There was a massive information bundle coming through a heavily encrypted channel. He punched commands, then froze as Jeff Moreau's face came on the screen.

"Alenko!" Anderson shouted. Kaidan came through the office door so fast it dented the wall as it crashed into it.

It was a live feed. Blurry, scratchy…but a live feed.

"Admiral Anderson? Is that you?"

"Joker! It's me. Where are you? Where's Shepard?"

"She's gone Sir. She gave me the helm- Jesus EDI can't you clean this up?" The pilot turned away to speak to someone, and Anderson felt Alenko collapse heavily into chair next to him.

"Joker… what do you mean she's gone? She didn't make it out?" Anderson cursed the pilots vagueness.

"What? Oh shit! No Sir, sorry Sir. I meant she just left, she is heading into the Collector base now. EDI and I got the communication lines open, and Shepard said if we could manage it, to get you into the suit feeds. We also have that package she put together for you…man, was that a bitch to upload." The pilot snarked.

"Joker… She's ok?" Alenko had snapped himself out of his temporary stupor at thinking Shepard was gone.

"Oh Kaidan…hey. Yeah, she and the ground team just went in about 5 minutes ago. I am gonna pull up the suit feeds now." The pilots voice was noticeably cooler when he addressed Alenko Anderson noticed.

Suddenly, there they were. Shepard was standing in front of the Normandy, giving a go ahead signal to…Garrus Vakarian, who appeared to be leading a second team.

"What the fuck!" Alenko snapped. "Joker! Why isn't Garrus with Shepard?"

"Cause she told him to lead the other team." Joker quipped.

"Damn it Joker I'm serious. Garrus always watches Shepard's six. What the hell is he thinking?"

"You know Alenko, you might not be my favorite person, especially after the shit you pulled on Horizon, but you aren't stupid. Do you really think that Garrus would be leading that team if Shepard hadn't made him? If you don't believe me, watch the last video from the Normandy…actually maybe don't" He added quickly, then groaned as Kaidan punched in a series of commands and brought up the video.

When it was over, he cursed softly under his breath. "Damn it Shepard."

Anderson was still staring at the screen with the live feeds, pretending he didn't understand what Alenko didn't seem to see. Vakarian was in love with Shepard. Loved her enough to put aside his own feelings and pride, and do what she asked, simply because she had asked it. He prayed Alenko never found out…and that it was as one sided as it seemed.

"They're in." With that, Joker clicked a button and the sound from the suit feeds joined the video. Anderson sank into his chair, focusing all of his attention on the screen in front of him. The suit feed for every member of the ground crew was on a grid in front of him. Kaidan sat down next to him, his hands clenched tight into fists in his lap, muttering prayers under his breath and they watched Shepard enter the base.

00oo00oo00

Kaidan was glued to the screen, His eyes snapping back and forth between the view from Shepard's perspective, and the view from the Drell who was watching her back. Shepard was calm, moving fluidly through the base, dispatching enemies in her path. Tali appeared to be in some kind of vent, and Shepard had to keep catching up with her to open valves along the way so the Quarian could continue forward.

The team had entered a large chamber now, and Collectors were flying in from everywhere. As one of them lit up like a torch, Shepard swore strongly and ducked behind cover. The Drell instantly moved to a position right behind her, and the heavily muscled man called Zaeed dove for cover across from them.

"Focus on Commander Shepard!" The glowing Collector boomed and Kaidan's blood ran cold as the Collectors in the room immediately put all their focus into trying to kill Shepard…while largely ignoring the others.

"Shepard! I've ran into another barrier; it's getting too hot. I need help." Tali sounded frantic, and Kaidan could see Shepard peek out to locate where her friend was, then immediately duck back down as a barrage of bullets slammed into where her head had been seconds before.

"Thane, kill that motherfucker. I'm gonna head for Tali. Zaeed, cover me." Shepard hissed.

Kaidan groaned. Sitting here was torture. Watching her take these risk's, knowing he was weeks away from her and unable to do anything but watch events unfold was like a slab of concrete weighing him down. It was hard to watch, but impossible to turn away.

Then suddenly she was up, launching herself out of her cover and heading for the valve release. The Drell smoothly rose and fired a shot through the skull of the glowing Collector, Harbinger, while Zaeed riddled any other Collectors foolish enough to come out of cover with bullets. Shepard was steps away from the release when Tali screamed a warning. A Collector rose from cover directly in front of Shepard, and she had no where to go.

She took a shot directly in the chest, her grunt of pain loud in Kaidan's ears as he watched her suit feed fill with dirt as she crashed to the ground. The Collectors head exploded into a puff of yellow mist as the Drell sniped it, then vaulted towards Shepard.

When he reached her, she couched and told him to release the valve, which he did instantly, sending a panting Tali forwards.

"It's ok. My shields held…I am gonna have a hell of a bruise though." Shepard grimaced as she sat up.

"Siha…"

"I'm good Thane, we need to keep going. Garrus' team has reached the doors. We need to get through and meet them."

"How's your tits Shepard?" Zaeed roared with laughter on the way by, and Shepard made a rude gesture with one hand.

Kaidan released the breath he didn't know he was holding in with a whoosh, meeting Anderson's relieved look with one of his own. Only she would trade banter with her team after such a narrow escape.

The team battled through another large chamber, releasing more valves for Tali as they went. With a whoop Shepard punched the last one, and moved to the enormous door at the end of the chamber. The door that was still closed.

Kaidan could see that Garrus' team was through their door and were trying frantically to get the door to Shepard's chamber open. Tali was cursing and frantically punching commands in her omni-tool. Shepard, Thane and Zaeed turned back to battle the Collectors pouring into the chamber they were now trapped in.

"Damn it Tali! We need this door open now!" Shepard roared into the comm, as Zaeed took a shot in the arm that sent him crashing into her.

"Shepard! Something is wrong, the door is stuck!" Tali was almost sobbing in her frenzied effort to get the door open.

One of the Collectors lobbed a grenade, and Kaidan shouted a warning, even though he knew no one could hear him. It blew up to the left of Shepard, blowing her off her feet with a grunt. Once again the Drell was there, hauling her to her feet as Tali finally got the door open a crack.

It was all they needed, they threw themselves through the door, as the others unloaded everything they had into the mass of Collectors massing to get through. It closed with a snap, and there was silence except for the panting of the exhausted people leaning on one another in the room.

Kaidan's hands shook, and he shot a triumphant grin at Anderson. They we deep into the base now, and not a man lost. Shepard just might pull this off.

"Nice work, Tali. I knew you wouldn't let me down."

The Quarian's hands were shaking as she leaned against the wall and nodded weakly in acknowledgment.

Shepard had everyone run through their ammo supplies and slather medi-gel any wounds sustained in the first foray. Thankfully, there were no serious injuries.

"Garrus?" She said as she moved to stand next to the Turian.

"We are all good Shepard. Some bumps and bruises, but nothing serious…What happened here?" The Turian gestured to the dent in Shepard armour…right where her heart was. Kaidan's heart lurched. If her shield's hadn't held…

"Oh… One of the sons-a-bitches popped up right in front of me, I had no where to dodge, so took it dead in the chest. Shields held though and Thane turned his head into pudding."

Garrus hissed softly, then turned to look at the Drell, who inclined is head, then went back to his quiet conversation with a very well endowed Asari.

"Too close Shepard." Garrus growled. She just shrugged and patted his arm.

"Shepard. You need to see this." A cool Australian voice called, and Shepard instantly went to the side of a statuesque brunette.

Shepard and the team moved slowly into massive chamber that held tens of thousands of pods…the same pods Kaidan saw the Collectors loading people into on Horizon. There were giant tubes of some kind leading deeper into the bowels of the base. Tubes that were connected to the pods.

Shepard moved closer to one of the pods, and Kaidan saw the shape of a person in the one closest to her.

"Looks like one of the missing colonists." The Australian said.

Shepard leaned in close, and the woman in the pod woke with a start. She was alive. Shepard slammed her fist into the pod, trying to break it open.

It was then that Kaidan recognized the woman in the pod. Horror flooded him as he realised it was Lilith, his main liaison on Horizon. The last time he had seen her, he had told her to run right before he was stung and frozen. He had watched her try to get away. With everything that happened afterwards with Shepard, he hadn't thought about her.

Now she was clawing at the pod, screaming in agony as some kind of acid began to eat her alive.

Shepard slammed the butt of her rifle into the pod, threw her body against it, trying anything to get her out. Nothing worked, and before their eyes, Lilith dissolved. Her skin melting from her bones which crumbled into the goo in the bottom of the pod.

Bile rose in Kaidan's throat. He had just watched someone who he had been close to, has seen on a daily basis, die a violent and horrible death. Anderson's face was grey with shock.

"Get them out of there! Hurry!" Shepard screamed, turning her assault rifle on the pod closest to her. She shot the edges, and created wide cracks. Other followed her lead and in seconds they were clawing their way into the pods pulling people out.

"No!" Came Shepards agonized howl, followed quickly by a shout from Garrus. Shepard was clawing at the cracks on a pod with another very familiar face in it.

Karin Chakwas.

Shepard was almost sobbing as she threw herself against the pod. Chakwas began to stir, and small patches of her skin began to scald. With a roar, Garrus pushed Shepard aside and threw his massive frame into the front of the pod, cracking it inwards. Shepard was into the breach in seconds, pulling Chakwas out.

They bent over the doctor, checking her over. Miraculously, she, and the rest of the crew were pulled from the pods mostly unharmed, other than some minor burns.

"Karin? Karin are you okay?" Shepard was cradling the doctor in her arms, Garrus crouched over them.

Chakwas nodded and took a few more deep breaths', then her eyes shot wide as she finally seemed to realize who was in front of her. She threw her arms around Shepard and hugged her tightly.

"Shepard! You came for us."

"No one gets left behind. You know that." Shepard murmured as she hugged the older woman back.

"Garrus! Tali! You all came?" Chakwas was looking around the room at all the familiar faces.

"Everyone is here, and we are taking this place down." Shepard hissed venomously. In a softer tone she asked "Can you tell me what happened?"

Chakwas cringed, but nodded. "The colonists were… processed. Those swarms of little robots…they…they melted their bodies into this liquid, then pumped them into these tubes."

The acid…it wasn't acid after all, but robots. _Jesus._ Kaidan shuddered at the thought of what Shepards crew had been forced to witness. Thousands of people…just melted away like they were some kind of fertilizer.

"God…Why are they doing this? What are they doing with our genetic material?" Shepard's voice was low, filled with a dangerous rage.

"I don't know. I am just glad you got here in time…before that could happen to us." Shepard made a soothing noise and stroked the doctors arm.

The Australian stepped forward as Shepard ran a hand soothingly along Chakwas' arm. "So are we Doctor. But we still have a job to do."

Shepard made sure Chakwas was good to stand, and slowly got them to their feet, then she got Joker on the comm. "Joker? Can you get a fix on our position?"

"Roger that Commander. All those tubes lead into the main control room right above you. The route is blocked by a security door, but there's another chamber that runs parallel to the one your in."

EDI's voice joined Joker's. "I cannot recommend that. Our scans suggest that chamber is overrun with seeker swarms. Mordin's countermeasure as used on Horizon can not protect you against so many, outside a very short window of time. Their numbers are too great."

Shepard was silent for a moment, her gaze landing on a heavily tattooed younger woman leaning against an empty pod.

"What about biotics? What if we made a biotic field to keep them from getting through to us?"

"What!" Kaidan exploded, pushing out of his chair and facing a startled Anderson. "She can't be serious. That chamber must be huge! She would need someone incredibly powerful to be able to hold up a barrier for that long. If that person went down, or burned out, they would be overrun in a flash."

Anderson looked at him in exasperation. "Calm down Alenko. There is nothing we can do about it. Shepard has gotten this far, and she knows her team. She must have faith that she has someone that can get her through."

Kaidan fumed. His skin tingled and his own biotic roiled beneath the surface. If he was there, he could do it. It killed him to know that he had the ability she needed, the ability to keep her alive, and he was useless to her. And it was his own damn fault.

He collapsed miserably back into his chair next to Anderson and listened to her plan.

"It is possible." The Asari answered calmly. "I wouldn't be able to protect everyone, but a small team could get through if they stayed close."

Shepard nodded, but the Australian spoke up once more. "I could do it too. In theory, any biotic could handle it."

Kaidan snorted at her naiveté. _Any biotic my ass._

"Jack and I will take a small team through the seeker swarms. The rest of you will provide a diversion by going through the main passage. We'll open the security doors from the other side and meet you there."

The tattooed biotic was looking at Shepard in shock. "You trust me to do this? To keep you all alive?"

Shepard leveled a look at Jack. "Shouldn't I?"

Jack fidgeted, then shrugged and broke Shepards gaze. Kaidan once again wondered what the hell Shepard was thinking.

"Who do you want to lead the diversion team Shepard." Miranda said into the heavy silence.

Kaidan sucked in a breath, praying she would say someone, anyone, other than Garrus.

"Garrus. I need you on point again."

Kaidan swore, and then jolted as he heard the Turian do the same under his breath before answering Shepard. "I'll keep the defenders busy Shepard. You slip around the back and get that door open for us."

Chakwas stepped forward, a worried expression on her face. "What about me and the rest of the crew Shepard? We are in no shape to fight."

Joker's voice came through Shepards comm. "Commander? We have enough systems back online to do a pick-up, but we need to land back from your position."

"We can't afford to go back Shepard." Miranda said softly.

"You'll never make it without help. I'll send Mordin with you. He will escort you back to the Normandy, and help treat your injuries." Shepard smiled at the rapidly blinking Salarian.

Mordin nodded, and helped Kelly Chambers to her feet. "Joker, send location of landing zone. Will meet you there."

"Stay safe Mordin. Have Joker send word once you have arrived back at the Normandy. We will see you on the other side."

"Yes, Commander." With that Mordin gathered the battered crew members and began hustling them towards a door in the side of the chamber, muttering to EDI about scanning for hostiles as he went.

Shepard checked her gun, and slammed a new heat sink into the chamber. "We've all got our assignments. Let's move out." Jack moved towards the door that would lead them into the seeker swarm infested chamber. Shepard moved to follow her, but was blocked by Garrus.

"Be careful in there Shepard. You are putting a lot of faith into one Biotic…are you sure you shouldn't bring Samara along just in case?"

"Ahh Garrus. Why don't you worry abut keeping your own scaly behind safe for once, hmm? Besides, I happen to have some experience with biotics, in case you don't remember." Shepard cocked an eyebrow at the Turian and Kaidan couldn't help the small smile that crept onto his face at the cocky grin on her face.

"Yeah…it was different with Alenko, Shepard. You worked together on countless missions, you became a cohesive unit. Jack, well she's volatile…dangerous… You can't read her like you could him."

"You worry too much Garrus. Jack is the most powerful biotic I have ever seen. Kaidan had skills, don't get me wrong, but Jack is a total badass. We will be fine."

Kaidan found it more than a little disconcerting to sit there while they discussed him. He felt as though he was spying on them. He supposed he was, as Joker obviously hadn't told Shepard that he and Anderson were watching every move they made. It also stung a little that Shepard had basically just said that even if he were there, she would probably still take the tattooed biotic. It was like a kick in the gut to realise just how little she actually needed him.

As Shepard and her team moved into the enormous chamber, Jack created an enormous biotic bubble, and Shepard, the Drell and a massive Krogan called Grunt stayed well within it. The seeker swarms threw themselves at the barrier continuously. Kaidan knew if it wavered, even for a second, Shepard and her team would be over powered in seconds.

Every time a group of Collectors attacked, Jack would hunker down under cover, maintaining the barrier while the rest took them out. Everything was going fairly smoothly, if a little slowly, until the waves of husks began pouring out of the floor.

The Krogan whipped out a shotgun and began blasting at those closest to the barrier, while the Drell sniped the husks as they were crawling onto the floor. Shepard and her assault rifle were taking on the brunt of them. With shocking suddenness, a group of husks got past her and in seconds they were in the bubble.

The Drell went down under a heap, as they bowled him over, toppling him backwards inches from the edge of the barrier.

"Thane!" Shepard screamed, launching herself into the fray. The Krogan continued to blast at the husks trying to breach the bubble, while Jack cursed and yelled at them to hurry, as she was weakening. It happened in a heartbeat. The Drell tried to get to his knees, just as another husk launched itself at him. They both crashed to the ground and rolled…just outside the bubble.

"No!" Shepard screamed, and flung herself after him. The thick black of the swarm engulfed them all, and once again Kaidan was on his feet, his heart in his throat at he watched the woman he loved disappear. The suit feeds of Shepard and Thane we a blue of insects and flailing limbs. Then the Drell was out of the blackness and tangle of limbs, laying panting inside the bubble once more. He pulled out a pistol and began blasting at every glowing blue limb he could see. The Drell got to his feet, reaching an arm through the barrier and dragging a goo covered Shepard back to safety.

The booming of the shotgun had ceased, and the Krogan wandered over to the pair, sniffing at Shepard.

"Bleh Shepard. You smell worse than Thresher maw dung."

Shepard threw back her head and laughed, wheezing a little as she did so, and clutching a long gash in her armour. The Drell was looking at her severely.

"Siha, you must never risk yourself for me like that again. I am already on my way to the sea. It would not do for the mission to fail because you foolishly risked yourself for me."

Shepard looked the Drell straight in the eye, then reached out and touched his arm gently. "Thane, you once told me that I was a warrior angel of Arashu…a tenacious protector. I could no more stand aside than you could, if it had been me. I would never leave someone behind.

The Drell stared at her in shock, blinking both sets of eyelids rapidly.

"I'm hungry Shepard. Let's get the hell out of here." The Krogan grumbled. Jack agreed, and rose, continuing slowly forward. Shepard released the Drell's arm, and moved forward into the point position.

Kaidan was frowning severely at the screen. What the hell had the Drell meant he was 'on his way to the sea?' He wanted to grab Shepard and shake her for risking herself, but at the same time knew that it was what made her who she was. She was the person who would take a bullet for anyone, even a complete stranger. It was what he loved, and most frustrated him about her.

He was brought out of his inner turmoil at Shepards shout. "The door is just ahead." Jack was stumbling now, and Shepard and her team were walking backwards, emptying clip after clip into the Collectors massing behind them.

"We must move quickly Shepard!" Thane rasped, breathing hard.

"Alright let's go!" The Krogan fell back towards the door, while Shepard and Thane continued to stay right at the top edge of the Barrier, holding them off so Jack could make it the last few feet to the door.

"Hurry Shepard!" The exhausted girl gasped, legs trembling with effort.

Then they were at the door, the chamber behind them free of the swarms. As soon as Shepard and Thane reached the doorframe, Jack gathered herself up and sent an immensely powerful shockwave out from herself, blowing any Collectors left in the room to pieces.

Jack roared her triumph as they slammed the door shut behind them, then sank to her knees, sucking in deep breath's as she tried to replenish her reserves. Now that they were free of the seeker swarms, the radio's came back online

"-on Shepard where are you! Shepard do you read me?" Garrus' voice was strained, and the gunshots echoing through his comm were continuous.

"I copy. Garrus, what's your position?" Shepard was instantly back on alert.

"We are pinned down at the door. We are taking heavy fire! I repeat, we are taking heavy fire."

"Hold on Garrus, we are coming."

Shepard and her team sprinted for the door on the other side of the Chamber. "Get this door open now!" Jack punched a set of commands into the door panel, and it opened with whoosh.

Garrus's team began to back through the open door through a hail of bullets. The Collectors were throwing everything they had at them.

As soon as they were through the doorway Shepard screamed at Jack to close the door. The doors began to close, but it was just a heartbeat to slow. Garrus let out a sharp grunt, and his rifle fell from his hands as he clutched his midsection. The tall Turian seemed to crumble as he sank to his knees on the ground behind Shepard.

"Garrus!" Tali screamed, and Shepard whirled around. Garrus was leaning against a large rock, both hands clutched over his belly where bright blue blood was seeping slowly through his taloned fingers.

"No! Oh god Garrus, no." Shepard was on her knees in front of him, horror all over her face.

"Shepard…"

"Shut up Garrus! Shut your mouth. Let me see." She clawed at his hands, completely unaware of the tears flooding down her face.

"Shepard stop." Garrus said softly.

"I said shut up Garrus! Tali! Get over here and help me." The Quarian was at her side in one second flat, whipping out medi gel and bandages.

"Move your hands Shepard, I need to see." The Quarian pushed Shepard off to the side.

Shepard's hands were covered in bright blue blood. She moved close to Garrus' side. "You can't do this to me Garrus. Not you. I need you. I don't know how to do this without you. You can't fucking do this to me you goddamn fucking lizard." Shepard was sobbing, clutching Garrus' giant hand in her own.

Kaidan felt all the blood drain from his face as he looked at Shepard's face on the monitor, from Garrus' point of view. His eyes moved slowly between the view of Shepards face and the view of Garrus' from her suit feed.

It couldn't be…

Anderson closed his eyes, and placed a hand gently on Kaidan's arm. Kaidan turned and looked at the older man, hoping to see something, anything, other than what he dreaded seeing on that face. His heart contracted painfully as he saw the sympathy in Anderson's face.

Minutes ago he had worried about her willingness to risk herself for the Drell…He hadn't even seen Garrus coming.

It made sense now. Garrus's actions on Horizon, the message he had sent to he and Anderson. The encounter on the Normandy about not being at Shepards side…

Garrus and Shepard…

"It's ok. Shepard? He's ok. The bullet passed through his side. No major organs were hit. Garrus is going to be fine."

Shepard looked at Tali, her tear stained face shocked. Then, as what Tali's words meant sunk in, she threw her arms around Garrus and laughed in relief. After a moment she sat up, and punched him in the arm.

Garrus howled. "Spirits Shepard! What was that for?"

"How could you scare me like that! I thought you were dying you jerk! It's just a flesh wound!"

The Turian rubbed his arm and scowled at her. "I tried to tell you…but you were crying and swearing at me… I figured I better let you have your moment."

Shepard glared at him. "I did not cry!"

"Hah!" Came the bark of laughter from Zaeed, followed by a inelegant snort from Jack. The rest of the crew made themselves look busy, so they didn't have to meet her gaze.

Kaidan felt like he had been punched dead in the gut. Watching her scowl at her crew as they teased her, and remembering the look on her face as she sobbed over Garrus…It felt as though his world was being torn away.

He had done this. He had not trusted her, had sent her away without him. He had sent her straight into Garrus' arms. But she had sent him the message… She had said she wanted to come home, to try and make things work between them. When had it changed? He swallowed down the bile burning his throat, and returned his attention to the feeds.

The team all rested, while Tali finished bandaging Garrus' side. They ate packets of energy gel, and sucked back water. Shepard had a few more quiet words with Garrus, making sure the medi-gel was working, and that he was going to be ok. Satisfied that everyone was rested enough to continue, she rose to her feet.

"Joker. Are you at the rendezvous point?"

"I am here Commander. Chakwas and the rest of the crew just showed up. Everyone is ok. No casualties."

She heaved a sigh of relief.

Kaidan swallowed his bitterness. Whatever was happening with Shepard and Garrus, she still had to get through this last phase. She needed to be strong and focused to get through this, and the fact the Garrus was ok would only help her state of mind. As much as it ate at his guts like acid, Vakarian was there and he wasn't. Vakarian had been the better man.

Miranda got onto the radio. "That's good. EDI, what is our next step?"

The AI responded instantly. "There should be some mobile platforms that will take you into the main control room nearby-"

Joker cut across the AI abruptly. "Commander? You've got a problem. There are hostiles massing just outside the door. They are trying to hack their way in. It wont be long until they bust through."

"Shit." Shepard muttered. She turned and hopped onto a broken pillar behind her, calling the attention of everyone on her team to her immediately.

"We need to finish this before they get through. I am going to take a small team with me, the rest of you are going to stay here and hold this door."

The group's faces were grim. Vakarian struggled to his feet and moved forward towards Shepard. Kaidan almost felt sorry for the Turian. There was no way Shepard would bring him along, not in the shape he was in.

"Jack and Thane, you're with me. Garrus and Miranda, hold this door. Buy me as much time as you can."

"Shepard…" Garrus pleaded.

"I am planting an explosive Garrus…tell me you can sprint your ass out of here and not slow us down and your in." Shepard said in a matter of fact tone.

"I…can't" Garrus hissed.

"Then stay here and watch my six. No one does it better than you." She smiled at him, a tender smile that shredded Kaidan's already tattered heart.

"Anything you want to say before we do this Shepard?" Miranda asked.

"The Collectors, the Reapers… they aren't a threat to us. They are a threat to _everything_. Every one. Those are the lives we are fighting for. That's the scale." She paused and looked at all the people on her team. Watching as her words hit home. "It's been a long journey, and no one is coming out without scars."

She sent a small wink at Garrus, who cringed while Grunt roared and bashed his fist's together.

"But it all comes down to this moment. We win, or lose it all in the next few minutes. Make me proud. Make y _ourselves_ proud."

There was a deafening boom as everyone roared or shouted in acknowledgment. Shepard nodded at her team.

"It had been an honour serving with each of you." She spun on her heel, and stepped onto the platform, Thane and Jack behind her. It rose into the air, sending her spinning into the distance.

EDI's voice came through the comm channel as Shepard's platform followed the massive tubes leading deeper into the base. "The tubes are feeding into some kind of super structure. It is emitting both organic and non-organic energy signatures. Given these readings, it must be massive."

Shepard stepped to the front of the platform, and Kaidan's gasp drowned out her own as the platform cleared a wall and revealed what the tubes led to.

"Shepard…If my calculations are correct…this superstructure is a Reaper." The AI sounded almost…afraid.

As her view became clearer, Shepard answered the AI. "Not just any Reaper. A human Reaper."

The view from the platform was horrifying. An enormous humanoid skeleton hung from the ceiling of the massive chamber, the tubes leading from the pods that processed the colonists into mush leading directly into it. It was incomplete, being just a torso with arms and a head, but it was by far the most horrifying thing Kaidan had ever seen.

Shepards platform connected with the other platforms directly in front of the hybrid Reaper, and she moved forward cautiously.

"It appears the Collectors have processed tens of thousands of humans. Significantly more will be required to complete the Reaper." EDI told them.

Shepard studying the massive machine in front of her. "It's too big for our guns…EDI, find me a way to blow this thing to hell."

"The large tubes injecting to fluid from the pods are a weak structural point. Destroying them should cause the supports to collapse and the Reaper to fall."

The supports EDI mentioned were huge glass tubes, behind thing metal plating. Every minute or so they would open, and send another batch of fluid into the giant skeleton. Shepard would have to time her shots to hit the glass when it was exposed.

Before they could line up a shot, a hum echoed through the chamber, letting them know another platform was approaching. Shepard spun, and ducked into cover as the platform arrived, loaded with Collectors. Shepard and Jack concentrated on taking down the Collectors, while Thane fired perfect shots into the glass tubes as soon as they were exposed.

After several minutes, and waves of Collectors, the Drell called out a warning as he shot the last tube, and the Reaper began to fall. Shepard and her team backed slowly away from the edge of the platform as the massive skeleton jerked and swayed as its support tubes snapped under its immense weight.

Once it finally crashed out of sight, they moved towards the platform edge again and peeked over the edge at the black abyss below. Kaidan wasn't even there, and his stomach lurched when faced with the sheer drop from the edge of the platform.

"Shepard to ground team. Status report."

"Garrus here. Holding our ground, but it is getting hot. Are we through here Commander?"

"Head to the Normandy Garrus. Joker, prep the engines. I'm about to overload this place and blow it sky high."

"Roger that Commander. See you soon."

Shepard bent over a hatch in the center platform, and pulled up the main conductor. She was reaching into her pack for the explosives when Joker came back over the comm.

"Uhh Commander? I've got an incoming transmission from the Illusive Man. EDI is patching him through."

Jack held out her omni tool, and the Illusive Man's hologram popped into sight. Kaidan and Anderson hissed at the sight of the man who ran Cerberus. The man who murdered countless alliance soldiers and tortured them in the name of humanity. No one in the Alliance had seen him for a decade.

Shepard continued what she was doing, and began wiring the bomb into the main console.

"Shepard! You've done the impossible." The Illusive Man said triumphantly.

"I'm not finished here yet. This base is ten minutes from extinction." Shepard smirked.

"Wait! I have a better option. I am looking at the schematic's I pulled from EDI. A timed radiation pulse would kill the remaining Collectors, but leave the machinery and technology intact. This is our chance Shepard. They were building a Reaper, that knowledge, that framework could save us."

Shepard cocked an eyebrow and stared at the hologram of the Illusive Man. Her hand stilled on the bomb.

"No way. She can't be considering this." Kaidan muttered, sharing a worried glance with Anderson.

"I came here to destroy it." Shepard said, rising to stand in front of the Illusive Man.

"We've won a single victory, but we are still at war. This base will give us the technology we need to fight the Reapers."

Shepard Cocked her head, and Kaidan saw with horror that she was considering his proposal.

The Drell saw it too.

"Shepard. I have made a life of killing those who deserve to die. We must struggle to _not_ become what we hate." He rasped softly.

The Illusive Man turned to face Thane, a disgusted look on his face. "An _alien_ cannot understand the risk this represents for humanity! Leadership means making sacrifices. You know this better than anyone Shepard." The Illusive Man spat, his face ugly.

Shepard looked at Thane, and at Jack, then she turned away and bent over the bomb once again. "We will fight and win without it. I wont let fear compromise who I am. And this _alien_ saved my ass more times than I can count…think about that next time you go all xenophobic on us."

"No! Shepard think about what's at stake! About everything Cerberus has done for you! You-"

Jack punched a button on her omni-tool and the Illusive Man winked out of sight. "Oops. Guess the connection was dropped." The biotic said cheekily, earning her a grin from Shepard.

Shepard punched the last command into the arming sequence for the bomb, then rose from her knees, dusting off her hands. "Let's move. We have ten minutes until the reactor overloads and blows this station apart." As the console sank back into the ground, the platform heaved beneath their feet, sending them staggering into one another. With a horrible metallic shriek, a giant skeletal arm rose from the blackness, dragging the Human Reaper's face level with the team.

Kaidan and Anderson could only watch in horror as the Human Reaper dragged itself from the depths, and focused on Shepard and her team.

Its eyes were glowing with red light, and it loomed above them like a monster straight from a science fiction novel. Shepard screamed at her team to get into cover as it's mouth began to emit a strange swirling glow. With a screech it unleashed a shockwave of energy straight at Shepard, who ducked under cover just in time. The Collector corpses in the path of the shockwave disintegrated before their eyes.

EDI came over the comm, pointing out that its eyes were a weakness. Every time they had a chance, the team sent wave after wave of bullets into the monster's eyes. Platforms of Collectors began to appear, then suddenly Shepards team was fighting their battle on two fronts. Kaidan and Anderson were muttering prayers under their breath, growing more and more concerned as the minutes ticked by, and the time on the bomb trickled away.

Shepard was hunkered down under cover, struggling to get an M-920 Cain off her back. Kaidan was yelling at her inside his head to leave it, it was too slow. But she got it off her back and hefted it in her arms. Bellowing at Jack to cover her, she stepped into the open, bringing the gun to her shoulder.

The Reaper honed in on her, charging its deadly shockwave as the gun in Shepards arms primed. Just when Kaidan was sure she was out of time, Shepard fired, and Reapers head was wreathed in a ball of flames.

It shrieked and thrashed, making the platforms jump and shudder. Kaidan watched in horror as it began to fall, throwing an enormous metal arm out in front of it. The arm crashed into the platform directly in front of Shepard…the one Thane was standing on. The Drell disappeared, sliding down dangerously tilted platform towards the black abyss where the Reaper was hanging.

"Shepard NO!" Kaidan screamed as her suit feed went black. She had thrown herself forward so that she was siding on her chest after Thane, screaming at him to grab onto something. Kaidan's eyes were glued to the Thane's suit feed, seeing Shepard sliding towards him closer, and closer until she disappeared with a lurch as the Drell went over the edge. Kaidan closed his eyes, sick at the thought of Thane plunging to his death.

They opened with a snap at Anderson's shocked gasp. Shepard had grabbed the Drell's hand just as he dropped off the edge. The view from her suit feed was of the Reaper falling in a ruin to the bottom of the pit, while Thane dangled from her grip.

Shepard was panting with the effort of holding him there, and Thane pleaded with her to let him go, and save herself.

She ignored him, and with a herculean effort heaved him to the platforms edge, one-armed. Kaidan heard cracking and popping through the comm, and knew that she must have shredded the muscles in her arm and shoulder in the effort to lift the Drell to safety. Thane pulled himself up the rest of the way, just as the Reaper exploded beneath them. The platform was thrown up, then tilted wildly in the other direction, sending them tumbling towards the remaining platform in a tangle of limbs.

They crashed onto a platform that was mostly stable, and Shepard gained her feet just in time to see a massive piece of debris heading right for them. There was a crash, and her suit feed went black.

Kaidan stared at the screen in shock, the only sound in the room his and Anderson's harsh breathing. He looked at Thanes feed, which was also black, then Jack's, which was looking directly up at the ceiling of the chamber, not moving.

"No. Shepard, get up." He whispered.

"Kaidan…She can't hear you." Anderson reminded him softly. Kaidan ignored him.

"Shepard. Get Up!" He screamed, knowing she couldn't hear him. Knowing what had likely happened. He pounded on the side of the monitor, his biotics flaring and lifting things in the room into the air.

"Commander? Commander Shepard do you read me?" Joker came across the comm.

Silence.

"C'mon Shepard. Commander Shepard do you read me?" The pilot tried again.

There was a shriek of metal and Kaidan's heart leapt into his throat.

Light filled Shepards suit feed. Her hands came into view, then her knees as started to push herself upright. There was a heavy clang and another shriek of metal as she pushed herself clear of a large piece of debris that had pinned her to the ground.

"Thank god." Anderson said as he sank slowly into his chair, his face grey.

Kaidan's knee's wobbled in relief, but he remained standing. Shepard looked around, and moved towards Thane, who was face down at the edge of the platform. As she bent down and gently turned him over, the Drell twitched and opened his eyes, blood pouring down his face from a gash in his crest. Shepard pulled him to his feet, then turned, searching for Jack.

She was on the opposite end of the platform, her head and one arm the only thing visible of her beneath the rubble she was buried under. Shepard began digging her out, and the tiny woman groaned, then let out an ear burning string of curses that lit Shepard's face up with a grin. Once she and Thane dug her out, Jack rose and leaned on Thane for support. Shepard bent down and picked up her rifle, and the trio started for the hallway that would lead them to the Normandy.

Kaidan looked at the time…there was only two minutes until the bomb blew.

"Hurry Shepard. Hurry." He whispered, his heart still racing from thinking she was gone.

"Do you copy! Commander? C'mon Shepard don't leave me hanging. Do you copy?" Joker's voice was frantic now, and Kaidan could hear he was on the verge of breaking down.

"I'm here Joker. Did the ground team make it out okay?"

"Jesus Shepard, don't scare me like that. All the survivors are on board; we are just waiting on you."

Jack's curse had Shepard whirling back around the face the platform. A massive seeker swarm was massing behind them.

"Run!" Shepard screamed, sending Thane and Jack ahead of her, sprinting towards the Normandy, trying to stay ahead of the swarm.

" **Human. You have changed nothing. Your species has the attention of those infinitely your greater."**

As they ran, putting everything they had into staying ahead of the swarm, a sinister voice boomed throughout the base.

" **That which you know as Reapers are your salvation by destruction."**

Thane was slowing, gasping for breath with harsh breath's. Shepard spun and unloaded her rifle into a group of Collectors rounding the corner behind them, trying to buy the Drell more time. She spun and continued sprinting as the seeker swarm rounded the bend in pursuit.

Kaidan's fists were clenched tight, his body drenched in sweat as he watched them running for their lives. The base was shuddering now, causing them to trip and stumble. There was a steep incline, with Jack almost to the top and Thane in the middle.

The Normandy rose into sight like a guardian angel at the edge of the incline, and Kaidan pleaded with Shepard to hurry. She was so close now, so close to safety.

The airlock opened to reveal Joker and Garrus, who both immediately began laying cover fire. The base heaved, and an enormous piece of debris fell from the ceiling, shearing off a piece of the incline, narrowly missing Thane.

Jack leapt into the airlock, spinning to reach out a hand to Thane who collapsed against the back wall as soon as he was on board.

Shepard a little more than halfway up the incline when another huge piece of debris fell from the ceiling. It landing directly in her path, smashing off the top of the incline.

There was now roughly 15 feet between Shepard and the airlock. She would never make a leap like that.

"Jump Shepard!" Garrus screamed, tossing his rifle aside and locking his mag boots to the floor of the Normandy. He leaned out, leveraging every inch of his seven-foot frame towards the woman running towards him.

Shepard hit the end of the platform and launched herself into the air. Kaidan's heart was deafening in his ears as she seemed to hang there, in suspension, for endless moments. She missed Garrus' out stretched arms by centimeters, and crashed chest first into the edge of the airlock.

Jack grabbed her hand and hauled her inside before she could fall, and the door whooshed to a close behind her. Kaidan's breath left his body in a rush, and he collapsed in a heap on the floor, his ass hitting the tile with a thud. She made it. She was on the Normandy.

She and Joker sprinted to the bridge, the pilot punching commands into the console.

"Detonation in 10, 9, 8-"

"Yeah! I get the picture EDI!" Joker shouted, manoeuvring the Normandy away so she was pointed into deep space. He had just gotten the ship lined up to jump to FTL when the base exploded behind them.

Joker punched the button and they were gone, leaving the omega four relay, and the last of the doomed Collectors behind them.

Shepard made eye contact with Joker and they shared a grin. They had done it. The Collector base was destroyed, the crew was back, and she had pulled off a suicide mission. They were beaten and bloody, but no one was lost. She had done the impossible.

Kaidan and Anderson whooped and hugged one another, pounding each other on the back. Shepard had done what she said, and had cut her ties with Cerberus.

She was going to come home.


	34. Chapter 34

**Authors Note: Things get a little rough for Poor Shepard...But don't worry, there is a plan...Mwahahaha- er sorry... Got a little carried away there.**

 **Enjoy the Chapter, and I am sorry it is a bit behind Schedule. Will have another one out by Sunday to make up for my Tardiness.**

 **Thank you to impslave, for the review of the last chapter. I am so glad you enjoyed it :)**

Chapter Thirty-Four

Shepard sat up in her bed and swung her legs over the side, the tile underneath her feet cool in the glow of the fish tank. Once they had gotten the hell out of the Omega four relay, she had pulled Joker aside and asked him quietly to head for Aratoht. He had quirked an eye brow at her, and she had just shrugged and said "Something for Hackett."

The pilot had given her an exasperated scowl, but set the coordinates silently. She had smiled in thanks, then told the crew that there would be no limits on food or booze for the night, and for everyone to help themselves and relax. They would be going home within the week.

There had been a loud cheer, mostly from Jack and Grunt, because everyone else was exhausted. Gardner had been cleared by Chakwas, along with the rest of the kidnapped crew, except Kelly Chambers, and he had immediately thrown himself into the kitchen. Kelly was suffering from severe PTSD, and Chakwas had her sedated in the med bay.

Shepard had grabbed a plate, and ordered Garrus into the med bay. He had re-opened his bullet wound trying to catch her on her wild leap to safety, and she could tell by the strain in his face that he was in pain. Chakwas had forced him to stay the night for observation.

Shepard sighed and scrubbed a hand over her face wearily. She had managed to grab six hours of sleep after her grub, and now she would have to head to Aratoht and recover Dr. Amanda Kenson.

Alone.

She stripped off her nighty and pulled on her armour. Since she was going in solo, she opted for her Kestral armour, since it gave her a shield boost, and pumped medi-gel into her faster if she got hit. It was bulky though, and she preferred the sleek N7 gear.

She hadn't been on a solo mission in years, and was feeling more than a little apprehensive. She was so used to having someone there to watch her back, she would have to rely heavily on stealth… not one of her strongest assets. Knowing she was procrastinating, Shepard did up her last clasp and stepped into the elevator.

She stepped off on the crew floor, and instantly looked towards the med-bay, sighing in relief at the sight of the darkened windows. She would have to get off the ship before Garrus knew she was leaving. He would never let her go alone, no matter if she ordered him to stay or not. Thankfully, she had managed to slip a tranquilizer into his brandy last night, with Chakwas non the wiser. It would buy her some time, but he would be _pissed_ when he figured it out.

She stepped onto the bridge. Joker spun his chair slowly around, his face showing his disapproval.

"I don't think you should do this Shepard."

"And why is that?" Her voice was cool, giving him a warning.

"Oh I don't know… because there are who knows how many Batarians down there, Hackett's information was sketchy, you are going alone…and lying to Garrus about it." Joker slipped the last bit in with a bit of a hiss.

Shepard leveled him a look. "This is how it has to be. Hackett knows how I operate, if he needs it done solo, there is a good reason. The Alliance considers me a terrorist, Joker. Garrus is gonna have to suck it up. If I can get this done, I have a better shot a getting home, and _not_ spending the rest of my life in jail. I consider that a win, even if it is risky."

"Ha! So even you are saying it's not a good plan." Joker gloated.

She pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration. "Jesus. Of course its not a good plan, it's a fucking solo mission! But I have to go, so just shut up about it already. I need someone to fly the shuttle. Radio Zaeed. Private frequency please."

He just stared at her, his expression shifting to worried after he raised Zaeed on the comm, asking him to report to the bridge immediately.

"I'm worried Shepard. None of this feels right. Don't go alone." His green eyes locked onto hers. "Please."

She hissed. It was a low blow. Joker had never once said please, or asked her not to do something, in all the time they worked together. He knew she trusted his instincts. Once more her gut clenched, and she knew his instincts were saying the same thing as hers. _Don't go in alone._

She thought about coming home and spending the next ten years in jail, and not being able to see Kaidan, or Anderson. She squared her shoulders. "I appreciate the concern Joker, but I _am_ going to follow Hackett's mission parameters."

The pilots clenched his jaw tight, but didn't say anything else. Zaeed came muttering onto the bridge.

"What the hell Shepard. Why would you drag me up here at this god damn fucking hour?"

"Zaeed, I need you to shuttle me down to Aratoht and drop me off. I will radio you when I need a pick up, shouldn't be more than eight hours."

The grizzled mercenary just stared, and for a moment Shepard thought he was going to give her the same lecture Joker had given. "You going in alone?"

She gritted her teeth. "Yes."

"Alight then. Let's go. You tell that big scaly bastard?"

"No. And you better not either until you get back, understood?"

"Shepard! You hav-" Joker started to stand.

"No. I don't" She stared him down, using her best 'don't fuck with the Commander face.' He swallowed and sank back into his chair.

"Let's go." She turned and headed for the shuttle with Zaeed.

The ride was mostly in silence, Zaeed only speaking to make sure she had checked her weapons and had enough supplies in case the stealth technique fell through.

She answered each query with a sharp nod.

It was pouring rain on Aratoht when Zaeed pulled the shuttle up, a hundred yards back from the closest building. He checked her armour seals, and gave her a pat. She turned and shook his hand, then stepped out into the downpour.

The prison was massive, and he had dropped her by a back door that looked to be used for supply runs, as there were crates stacked haphazardly around the exterior of the doorway. Shepard pulled her assault rifle off her back, and opened the door, moving slowly and silently into the building. It was dirty, dark and mercifully empty, at least where she had entered.

It was a series of underground caverns, and there were old bodies in some of the nooks and crannies. It was almost as though they had been hiding. Shepard heard a soft scraping sound around a corner ahead of her, and hugged her rifle tight to her shoulder.

As she slowly moved forward, a Varren spotted her, and whirled to attack. Shepard shot it point blank and it crumpled to the ground. She stayed where she was, frozen as she listened for re-enforcements of anyone who may have heard the gun fire. It remained silent.

There was only one explanation as to why the Varren would have been down here. The Batarians must send the prisoners down here to die. She forced her rage and disgust out of her mind, and pushed forward, there was a collapsed walkway with an extendable bridge on the other side. She searched around, and came across the bridge controls just past where the Varren corpse lay.

She continued to move forward, passing more corpses, both Varren and many other of the galaxies species. It seemed the Batarians weren't picky as to who they were keeping prisoner here. She came to a metal staircase and began to move up, leaving the caverns behind and moving into the actual building.

She took out a few more Varren along the way, and had to de-activate a few laser triggers, but she had yet to come across anyone alive…Batarian or no. She was starting to feel nervous. It was strange to come across so little resistance.

"Bring the human in for questioning."

A Batarian voice echoed through the chamber, ringing through the ship wide comms. Shepard froze, her heart in her throat at the thought she had been spotted. Her fear drained away when a woman's voice rang out in answer to the Batarians order.

"Get your hands off me!"

Shepard moved forward once again, they were moving Kenson from wherever she was, and Shepard needed to find out where they were going to take her. She emerged into a much cleaner and more sterile area of the complex, and hesitated. It was brightly lit, if she ran across anyone, they would spot her instantly.

She cursed under her breath, and once again wished she had been able to get Kasumi to rig her up a cloaking device. There was nothing for it, she had to keep going.

Suddenly, she could hear a Batarian asking "I hear humans are scurrying like vermin out in the asteroid belt. Is anywhere safe from them?" Another voice answered, hard and menacing. "We are on a mission to flush them all out." It was not coming through the comm, so the Batarians had to be nearby.

She continued cautiously forward once more, going up another set of stairs, leading her into a tiled, pristine area. As she cleared the top of the stairs, she could hear the Batarians speaking once more.

"They wanted to slam an asteroid into the Mass Relay."

"Can they even do that?" The other Batarian sounded shocked.

"What difference does it make? We caught them." The first Batarian growled.

 _Kenson was trying to send an asteroid through the Mass Relay_? That would have blocked the Batarians from the rest of the Council races, Cutting them off from all resources. It could have killed them, destroying their planet. _What the hell could Kenson have been thinking?_

Shepard moved through a door and suddenly the two Batarians voices were loud, they were close. She crouched, and moved behind a set of crates. The two Batarians had their backs to her, and seemed to be guarding a room at the end of the outdoor style complex Shepard was currently crouching in. She brushed the damp strands of hair off her face, and blinked the rain water out of her eyes. There was a platform above her, if she could get up onto it, she could avoid the Batarians chatting below her. Having to shoot them now would be the end of her stealth.

"Why do we still have to guard the prisoner?"

"I don't know; I say we kill her. Guarding a human is a waste of time."

She made it up onto the platform and moved along the edge of it until she came to a door. She slipped though it, and was in a large kitchen. She kept moving, crouched to stay out of the line of sight of the windows. She circled around, and was in a hall behind a room that contained two more guards. It appeared they were having a conversation with the other's down below.

"There's no way it would have worked. Relay's can't be damaged, much less destroyed."

"Those Humans will do anything to destroy us, I swear."

"We have to make this one an example to the others. We can't respond kindly to terrorists." Shepard could see them now, as she moved towards the door way her mind whirled. From what the Batarians were saying, it sounded like _Kenson_ was the terrorist. Fucking Hackett. What the hell had he sent her into?

Why in god's name had the woman thought it would be okay to try and blow up a Mass Relay? Shepard had to know. She peered around the doorframe and let out a slow breath of relief as she saw that these guards also had their backs to her. She crept past, and moved closer to the room she suspected Kenson was in. It would be hell to try and get out with all the Batarians she had passed, but there was nothing for it now. She had to keep moving forward.

She rounded a corner and was on a large balcony overlooking a shuttle bay. She ducked behind a half wall as she heard the familiar roar of an engine.

"There's a shuttle incoming. Clear the hangar bay." A voice came over the prison's speaker. Shepard moved through the closest door and was in the cargo bay. She could hear two Batarians speaking once more and gritted her teeth. They were fucking everywhere.

"There was an artifact on that asteroid…do you think the Human has got it?"

"If she did, they would have swarmed in and put flags all over it."

Hackett had mentioned a Reaper artifact, which was the reason for Kenson's presence this deep into Batarian controlled space. This must be the same artifact that the Batarians were speculating about. This was getting more complicated by the second, and Shepards shoulder blades itched with nerves.

Shepard proceeded into the cargo bay and shifted some crates until she could drop down to the floor below. She was once again in the part of the prison that contained the cells. Hopefully, this is where they would bring Kenson to be interrogated.

She knew she was on the right track when she came across two more guards.

"This one, Kenson, is apparently the mastermind. If she doesn't talk, kill her."

Shit. Shepard was running out of time. She skirted the room where the guards were, and moved into a long hallway. She could hear the clanking of chains, and the slow 'tap, ' of someone clicking through instruments.

This had to be the right chamber. She hit the release on the door, and it slid open silently. Kenson was strapped into a device, while the guard set to torture her punched commands into a device that would sent currents of electricity through her body. Shepard crept up behind him, unnoticed.

With a quick chop, she struck him in the back of the neck and he collapsed to the floor with a quiet grunt. Kenson stared at her wide eyed, the electric current an inch from her face.

"Who…who are you? What are you doing?"

Shepard moved around behind her, freeing her hands. "Dr. Kenson I presume? I'm Commander Shepard. I am here to get you out." Shepard moved as she spoke, turning off the electric current and working on the clasp's holding Kenson's torso in the device.

"Commander Shepard? I had heard you were alive. Hackett must have received my message."

"We are not safe here. Can you walk?" Shepard undid the last of the clasps, and Kenson pulled herself free of the cuffs.

"I'll be fine, just give me a moment." The doctor staggered but righted herself immediately before Shepard could offer a hand in assistance. Shepard looked around the room. With no obvious sounds of torture being heard, someone would be alone to investigate shortly.

"We have to go. Now." She moved forward and gave Kenson a pistol. The doctor took it gingerly.

"If we find a console I can hack their security. Make us an escape path." Kenson said quietly.

A klaxon on the wall behind Shepard began to blare an alarm. She could hear the armoured boots of a guard approaching and knew that the time for stealth was now over. Kenson moved to the guard that Shepard knocked out and brought her heel down on his neck, snapping it.

"Ready." She said, and turned to follow Shepard.

Shepard leaned out and peppered the guard closest to them with the assault rife.

"The prisoner has escaped! Get your asses down there and stop them!" A voice boomed through the prison comms.

Shepard took out the guard in the hallway and waved Kenson forward. "Stick right on my ass! Let's do this!"

They moved forward quickly, down a series of stairs Kenson directed her too. More Batarians were pouring out of doorways, and Shepard laid them out with the assault rifle. Kenson wasn't a half bad shot, and they continued forward trying to locate the security console.

They entered large chamber, and after long minutes of heated fighting, the room was briefly cleared. Kenson rushed forward to a security terminal.

"It will take me a few minutes. Keep them off me while I hack this terminal."

Shepard nodded, and set up behind a large metal crate. Anyone trying to get to Kenson would have to step right into her line of sight.

The voice boomed over the speakers again, directing teams of Batarian fighters to the cell block Shepard and Kenson were in. Her sniper rifle scope flitting from door to door, Shepard waited to see where they would enter. As soon as the third door opened, she flung a grenade.

A knot of Batarians blew apart, showering their stunned comrades with gore. Shepard took full advantage of the ones remaining's brief hesitation, taking them out with perfect headshots. She switched to her assault rifle as another door opened, sending through another wave.

As Kenson hacked, Shepard moved forward and closed doors, so the Doctor to override them and keep them locked.

The Batarians, unable to get in through the doors, began taking freight lifts up from the floor below. Kenson screamed at Shepard to hold them off, that she was almost done. Shepard shoulders were on fire, and her assault rifle was hot. Her shields were holding, but barely.

The last of the Batarians fell, and Kenson darted away from the terminal to join Shepard.

"I brought a lift down from the upper floor for us, lets move."

They darted onto the lift. "One more thing, the hangar doors are locked. We will have to get them open the old fashioned way." Kenson stated.

"Leave that to me." Shepard panted. If there was one thing she could do, it was blow something the fuck up.

Unfortunately, the hanger bay was also full of guards. Screaming at Kenson to get down, Shepard took point and began eliminating them as they entered her line of sight. One of them got off a lucky shot, and Shepards side exploded with pain as a shell tore through her shield and armour, and lodged in her side.

Kenson blew him apart with a grenade she snatched off Shepards belt. The hangar was empty. Shepard tried to get Zaeed on the comm.

"Zaeed. Zaeed come in."

There was nothing but static. She turned to Kenson. "My comm's have been knocked out."

"Look, there's a shuttle. If it isn't to damaged, I can fly us out of here."

They moved forward, Shepard's teeth clenched tight against the fiery pain in her side. Thankfully the shuttle was in good shape.

As the shuttle began to take off, a group of Batarians entered the bay directly behind it. Kenson smiled grimly and fired the engines, incinerating them. Shepard unloaded the shuttles heavy guns, blowing the hangar door off it hinges.(Thank you to whoever rigged this shuttle with guns!)With a lurch, they took off, leaving the prison behind them.

With the medi gel supplied by her suit pumping into the hole in her side, Shepard's pain lessoned. Kenson engaged the auto pilot, and moved over to stand by Shepard.

"We should be well out of range before they get their security measure's unscrambled." Kenson said, wiping sweat off her brow.

"Do you think they'll come after you?"

"I'm not taking any chances. Batarians don't take kindly to Humans who try to destroy their mass relay."

 _Fuck_. "So the charges against you are true."

Kenson grimaced. "Well, to be fair, That's only about half the story."

Shepard pinched the bridge of her nose. _God damn-it Hackett._

Kenson continued. "My people and I were investigating rumors of Reaper technology, out in the fringes of this system."

"Let me guess. You found something."

"We found proof that the Reapers will be arriving in this system. When they get here, they'll use its ass relay to travel through the Galaxy. We call it the 'Alpha Relay.'"

Shepard's blood froze in her veins as Kenson gave her more details. "From here, the Reapers can invade _anywhere_ in the Galaxy."

 _My God._ "So…You decided to destroy it."

"Exactly. Doing that would stop the Reapers invasion. Even at FTL speeds, it would be months or years, before they got the the next Relay. We came up with what we called 'The Project.' A plan to launch a nearby asteroid into the Relay and destroy it, before the Reapers could arrive."

Kenson turned and began to pace, the Alpha Relay framed in the window of the shuttle behind her.

"Of course, the resulting explosion would probably wipe out the system." Kenson sat wearily.

Thoughts raced through Shepards mind. _Was this real? How did Hackett not have these details. Was this really the only way?_ She moved up and sat next to Kenson. She needed to dig into this more.

"How did you plan to launch an asteroid into a Mass Relay?"

"Moving an asteroid just requires thrust and guidance. Both are readily available in Omega's salvage yards. Get the right amount of power and a good V.I to guide it…and you can pretty much just point and shoot." The doctor's voice was cool, calculating. The itch returned between Shepards shoulder blades.

"I've always heard that Mass Relay's are indestructible…"

"I've heard that too. But I think it is more that nobody is willing to find out what happens when one is destroyed. And…" Kenson shifted on the seat, fidgeting. "Well, we plan to slam what's essentially a small planet into to the relay at very high speed. By our calculations that is more than enough."

"Why do you think destroying the Mass Relay would destroy the entire system?"

"Mass relays are the most powerful Mass Effect engines in the known Galaxy. The energy release from a relays' destruction would probably resemble a Super Nova. This is a remote system. Just over 300,000 Batarians live on the colony where they held us. The explosion would undoubtedly kill them all."

 _How the fuck was killing over 300,000 Batarians the answer to anything_? Most council races didn't even believe in the Reapers. Murdering hundreds of thousands of people was insane. Shepard fought to keep her face calm. Kenson's voice was cool, like she was teaching. Cold sweat dripped down Shepards back. Her senses were screaming at her to be careful.

"Is 'The Project' still operational?"

Kenson hesitated, so briefly Shepard almost missed it. "I… I imagine it is. We were one button press away from launch when the Batarians arrested us."

 _Holy Fuck! They had been that close_? "How were you caught?"

"We had been smuggling starship parts from Omega. Thrusters, guidance, and an after market Eezo core. The Batarians thought that looked suspicious." _Yeah, no shit Sherlock._ "A few days ago, I took some of the men on a scouting trip. The Batarians pounced on us." Kenson's face turned sly. "But they never found our actual base."

Shepard went on full alert. Something wasn't right. Kenson was hiding something from her. "I still don't see how you learned about this 'supposed' invasion."

"The evidence came from what we call 'Object Rho'. A Reaper artifact we discovered among the asteroids in the Relay itself. When we get back to Arcturus Station, I'll explain everything and give you copies of all our notes on the Artifact."

"What's a Reaper artifact doing on an asteroid?"

Kenson shook her head apologetically. "We don't know. We don't even know what it's purpose is. Some things are just to old, or large to comprehend."

Huh…Well that's not something you expect a scientist to say… Shepards eyes narrowed as Kenson continued.

"Even a Reaper, thousands of years dead has power. Their artifacts are worthy of study."

Worthy? _Wait…how the fuck does Kenson know what happens with a Reaper, thousands of years dead?_

"How exactly does a Reaper artifact gives you proof of an impending invasion?" Shepard asked cautiously.

"It showed me visions of the Reapers arrival. Much like your Prothean Beacon I imagine. The Reapers are coming Commander. That much, I know for certain."

Visions… son-of-a-bitch. "If you are working near a Reaper artifact, how have you avoided indoctrination?" Shepard slowly moved her hand to her hip, it was now mere inches from her knife.

Kenson cocked her head at her. "We've been careful. We know what we are dealing with. You are not speaking to a child Shepard. I saw what Sovereign did at the Citadel. Trust me, I know what's at stake."

That was not an answer. Forcing herself to lean back, Shepard gave Kenson a thin smile. Her hand remained close to her knife.

"The stakes are too high Dr. Kenson. If you were willing to destroy a whole system over this, I want to see the proof."

Kenson rose from her seat. "I guess I can't argue with that. Give me a moment." The doctor moved away, raising her omni tool. "Kenson to Project base."

While she was turned again, Shepard once again tried to activate her comms. Nothing but static.

"It's good to hear your voice doctor. You coming home?" A man answered Kenson's call.

"Affirmative. And I've got Commander Shepard with me." She looked over her shoulder at Shepard.

"Shepard! Really?" The mans voice was surprised.

"Tidy up the lab, the Commander needs to confirm the artifact."

Shepard's heart was beating furiously in her chest. She couldn't shake the feeling that something was terribly, terribly wrong here.

"Right… I will get everything prepared for your arrival. Project base out."

Kenson turned back to Shepard with a bright smile. "We are all set. Just sit back and relax Commander, we will be there soon."

Shepard sat back, but she was by no means relaxed. Kenson had not told her how she and her team were avoiding indoctrination, and the man at her base's voice, when he had said Shepards name… She checked her watch. She had been gone seven hours… Zaeed would probably give her ten before he got worried.

She watched out the shuttle window as the shuttle approached the asteroid where Kenson's base was located.

Kenson parked the shuttle in an underground hangar bay, opening the door to reveal a large cargo area. She jumped lightly down from the shuttle, followed cautiously by Shepard. Shepard scanned the room, her eyes taking in every detail. Kenson moved forward towards a hallway leading deeper into the complex.

"Welcome to Project Base."

There was an enormous projection of a timer above their heads, and it was counting down from two days and three hours.

"What is this?" Shepard asked, gesturing to the timer.

Kenson smiled at her. "That's our countdown to arrival. When that gets to zero… the Reapers will have come. Just over tow days and counting…put things into perspective doesn't it?"

 _Holy. Fuck._ "Are you sure that is right?" Shepard's eyes were glued to the timer in horror.

"It is. The artifact has been giving off pulses at definite intervals since we found it. The intervals have been decreasing at a steady rate. The artifact is reacting to the Reapers proximity. In just over forty-eight hours, the pulses will become constant, and the Reapers will be here."

There was no concern in Kenson's voice…she sounded almost admiring.

Shepard's blood froze, and she looked at Kenson in horror. "You're saying the Reapers could be at Earth in two days? Fuck! There is no time to waste!"

"Then let's show you that proof." Kenson turned and moved into the complex, leaving Shepard to follow.

Ignoring the instincts screaming at her to leave, she followed Kenson.

Shepards fingers itched to hold a weapon, but Shepard couldn't risk spooking anyone until she knew for sure what was happening here. They moved through labs and corridors, deeper and deeper into the complex.

"The Reapers will reach this system regardless…but the Alpha Relay is their shortcut to the rest of the Galaxy. If you want to keep the Reapers at bay, you must destroy this Relay."

Kenson led them onto an elevator, and it lowered them deep into the bowels of the lab. As they stepped off the platform, Shepard knew that whatever else was going on here, if the timeline for the Reapers arrival was accurate, the Relay would have to be destroyed.

"We have to get the project running again. It's probably the only chance we have." She tried the door in front of her, but it was locked. Kenson moved to stand next to her, and punched a series of commands into her omni tool.

The door opened and revealed a massive statue in the middle of the room. It was like a giant blossom, with arms arcing upwards to give it the shape of a rose before it bloomed. It flared and glowed blue, like wisps of biotics were surrounding it. Shepard was frozen on the threshold as Kenson approached the artifact…arms flung wide.

"You have the Reaper artifact just sitting here…out in the open?" Shepard hissed. Her eyes scanned the room, but here was no shielding, no safe-guards.

Kenson's eyes were locked on the artifact. "When we found it, it showed me a vision of the Reapers' arrival." The Doctor's voice was vague…almost dreamy.

Shepard inched slowly towards her. "Kenson…This is not good."

"Give it a moment Shepard. It'll give you the proof you need." Kenson soothed.

Shepard tried to step backwards, to get out of the room when the artifact pulsed and a vision slammed into her mind.

 _Hundreds of Reapers approaching the Relay. Being sent through the Galaxy one by one to destroy it._

She crashed to her knees, gasping for breath. Her face felt tight and she knew her nose was bleeding, she could feel hot the blood running freely down her chin. She gasped for breath, and started to push herself to her feet. She froze when she felt the cold steel barrel of a pistol pressed tight against her ear.

"I can't let you start The Project, Shepard. I can't let you stop the arrival." Kenson loomed over her, her eyes filled with fervor. Just as Saren's had been.

More members of Kenson's team began to filter into the far end of the room. Shepard gathered herself, ignoring the shredding pain in her head. She surged upwards and broke Kenson's forearm, causing her to drop the pistol. Immediately, the men across the room opened fire. Kenson staggered away, and Shepard only got one shot off at her before the door closed, leaving her with a room full of indoctrinated guards with assault rifles.

There had to be twenty guards in the room. Shepard rolled and dove for cover, hissing in pain as the bullet wound in her side tore open.

 **Do not resist. Give yourself over and be spared.** The artifact pulsed and boomed, it's voice eerily like Harbinger's as it rang through the chamber.

"Not fucking likely!" Shepard screamed. Rolling to a half wall as on of the guards launched a grenade at her. She was a hair too slow. The explosion tore through her upper thigh, shredding her thigh and her armour. It was a crippling blow.

Panting, she looked around the room. Kenson's voice came through the speakers.

"We don't want to hurt you Commander. Lay down your weapons!"

"Eat a dick Kenson!" Shepard roared, lobbing three grenades at the largest group of guards.

 **Your Galaxy is in sight. Your final days are at hand.** The artifact boomed.

Blood was pouring from her side and her shredded thigh, faster than the medi gel could patch it. Shepard gritted her teeth. She refused to go out like this. She refused to let the Reapers win.

She punched incendiary rounds into her assault rifle, and unloaded a clip into a cluster of guards until they were screaming and wreathed in flames.

"This will only get worse for you Shepard!" Kenson raged at her through the speakers.

 **The end of your species will come!**

"Yours first you loud-mouthed bastard!" Shepard lobbed another grenade, and spit out a mouthful of blood.

One of the guards activated the heavy mechs. Shepard swallowed hard. More guards poured onto the room, followed by two YMIR mechs. She would not be able to take them down. A part of her railed at the injustice. She had just survived a suicide mission, and she was going to die here, on a fucking asteroid with a bunch of lunatics. No one on her team even knew where she was.

And worst of all… no one knew the Reapers were only days away. She swallowed her fear and bitterness down. Fuck this. If they were gonna take her out, it wasn't going to be before she hit that fucking button.

The artifact pulsed, and pain tore through her mind, sending her crashing to her knees.

 **Struggle if you wish. Your mind will be mine**.

Shepard shrieked in pain as fire ripped through her mind like talons. She forced it out of her head with a herculean effort. Panting, Shepard crawled deeper into cover. She pulled her last two grenades from her belt, and used them to cripple one of the atlas mechs.

"Have faith in the artifact. It'll be over soon."

Kenson's smug voice grated on Shepards nerves. There was a generous pool of blood under Shepard now, and the artifact was pulsing steadily. She was almost out f time.

Grabbing a handful of stims, she jabbed them into her exposed thigh and emptied them. Her heart began to race as a huge burst of adrenaline tore through her shrieking nerves.

With a roar, she put all of her suit reserves into her shields, and launched herself towards the door. Her shotgun blew the closest guards apart, and her attached-blade cut others down like a scythe through grass.

Her rage and battle prowess was awesome to behold, and even Kenson trembled slightly at the sight. A bullet tore through her upper shoulder, and Shepard didn't even flinch, just rammed the butt of the shotgun into the shooters face, turning in into pulp.

 **You shall be the first to witness our arrival.**

The guards in the room froze, and Shepard screamed in triumph as she reached the door, a trail of blood and gore following her.

She hit to button to open it just as the artifact gave an enormous pulse. Shepard crashed into the door frame, her vision blurry as pain, a thousand times worse than the Prothean beacon's vision shredded through her mind.

Her vision went red, then black. She could feel herself bleeding out, and fought to stay awake, to stay in the fight. But the pain was to great, and her injuries too severe. Shepard gasped for breath, then passed out, giving into the lure of oblivion.

00oo00oo00

Zaeed Massani stood on the Bridge next to Joker. It had been 15 hours since he had dropped Shepard off, and there had been no communication. Chakwas had been keeping Garrus in the med bay, but couldn't keep him any longer. The big Turian had been discharged 20 minutes ago, and was prowling the ship looking for Shepard.

"He is going to kill us. I told Shepard this was a bad idea. Why isn't she answering us?" Joker moaned.

"I don't bloody know, but I don't like it. Had a bad feeling when I dropped her off. Should have fucking trusted it." The grizzled mercenary had dread sitting in his guts like lead. He heard the whir of the elevator and cursed.

"Brace yourself flyboy, the shit is about to hit the fan." Zaeed muttered.

Joker's eyes were wild, and he hunched into his seat, trying to be as small as possible as Garrus approached the bridge.

"Hey Joker, Massani. I can't find Shepard. I am pretty sure she snuck something into my drink last night. We need to have a little chat about violating trust." Garrus groused.

Zaeed cleared his throat, and scrubbed a hand awkwardly across the back of his neck. Joker hunched down in his chair even more.

"Garrus, mate… About Shepard. Well, she uh…that is…" Zaeed cursed under his breathe, furious at himself for allowing himself to care about these people. Being worried about Shepard was making him soft. Before he could try to tell Garrus about Shepard again, Joker spoke up, words pouring out of his mouth like vomit.

"Shepard went to Aratoht on a solo mission for Hackett I told her it was a bad idea but she wouldn't listen to me and I knew she drugged you and wasn't going to tell you because you wouldn't let her go alone and Zaeed is the one who drove the shuttle and dropped her off and we haven't heard from her in over 15 hours and I think something bad has happened."

Garrus stood there gaping at the pilot who cut off and sucked in a much needed breath of air. Then the Turian pivoted slowly to face Zaeed.

"Shepard went to a Batarian colony on a mission for Hackett, with no back up?"

"Er…yup." Zaeed shifted, and Garrus' eyes tracked the movement like an eagle watches a rabbit.

"And she didn't give you any details, or a timeframe?" Garrus voice was cold, and rang with the authority that was bred into all Turians.

"Well, she said it shouldn't take more than eight hours…And she wore the Kestral armour." Zaeed muttered, looking away from the Turians piercing eyes.

"Umm…" Joker peeped from his chair, cowering when Garrus whipped around to look at him. "She was going to rescue some doctor…said that if she did it she might able to convince the Alliance she isn't a terrorist…Hackett is the one that told her she had to go alone."

"Hackett…" Garrus hissed, and the hate in his voice actually made Zaeed's knees wobble.

In all his long career, Zaeed Massani had never seen anything as terrifying as Garrus Vakarian's face as he stalked from the Bridge.

00oo00 **33 hours later** 00oo00

Shepards head throbbed, and she felt like she was going to vomit. She tried to open her eyes, but her eyelids were heavy, and it felt like her eyes were full of sand.

Through her blurred vision she saw a woman standing in the room with her, holding a data pad.

"…Looked like Shepard was waking up a moment ago. Must have been a glitch in the system."

Shepard managed to leverage herself up with a groan so she was sitting. She sucked a few deep breathes in through her nose. A hasty check of her injures showed they had patched her up. She felt different though… slightly off. She shook her head and the last of the fog cleared away.

Shepard remembered what had happened, and launched herself off the table as the woman with the data pad shrieked and darted away, calling for security. Two guards rushed into the room, and Shepard throat punched the closest one, grabbing his rifle as he dropped it and fell to his knees. A round to the chest of the other dropped him as well.

Before she could step through the doorway, a barrier shimmered into place. Shepard turned and saw through a heavy glass viewing screen the woman who had been studying her. Shepard stalked around the rom, taking the weapons off the fallen guards and listening to some of Dr. Kenson's notes on a research terminal.

With a grin, she saw a security terminal…a security terminal that would control the Mech in the next room. The same room that the woman running the barrier was in.

"Step away from the terminal!" The girl shrieked as Shepard punched a series of commands into the system, activating the mech.

"Security! I need back-up in the med bay!" The girl screamed, as the Mech lumbered towards her, Shepard in control. She ordered the Mech to shoot her, and then the other mechs that entered the room in answer to her doomed call for backup.

With the Mech's destroyed, Shepard guided the unit she was controlling to blow up the barrier engine, freeing her from the room.

As she moved into the other area, she grabbed the data pad the woman had dropped, ignoring Kenson's frantic commands for her apprehension through the speakers.

She almost dropped the data pad in shock. They had kept her sedated for over two days… the Reapers could be here at any moment. She had to get to the control center and launch the asteroid. She shouldered the assault rifle, and moved into the next room.

"Finally! Some fucking luck." She crowed and she saw her armour and weapons on a bench. She threw herself into her armour as quickly as possible, one hand always near the rifle. Once she was dressed, she headed to the door and froze. Above the doorway was a timer. There was less than two hours until the Arrival.

She hacked the door leading out of the med bay, and resigned herself to the fact that with her existing injuries, she would have to go hard and fast through any resistance in order to make this mission a success. As much as she wanted to find Kenson and punch her smack in the face, the priority was the asteroid.

Activating incendiary rounds on all of her ammo, Shepard annihilated anyone in her path. Zaeed had been right, rage was a hell of an anesthetic.

Kenson's calls for back-up were getting frenzied, and Shepard knew she must be getting close to the command center. With ruthless efficiency she shot guard after guard, until she made it to the control center. It took long minutes of intense fire fighting, but the last guard crumpled to the ground, a hole between his eyes.

Shepard leapt over a terminal, and started punching commands into the controls for the engine. Blood was pouring down her arm, and she noticed numbly that she had torn open her leg and side wounds and had been shot clean through the upper arm.

This was a new recorded for her she thought dimly. She had been shot four times, and been blown up on the same mission.

With a final command, the systems V.I launched.

"Welcome to system control."

"I want to activate the project." Shepard ordered, ignoring the ringing in her ears, and the weakness in her knees.

"Warning. Activating the project will result in a estimated three hundred and five thousand casualties. Do you wish to proceed?"

Shepard closed her eyes, saying a prayer of forgiveness to the gods for what she was about to do. She swallowed hard, brushing the tears off her face. If she didn't do this, billions would die. If she did, she would become something she hated. She would be a murderer.

She hit the button. The asteroid lurched under her feet as the thrusters engaged.

"Project activation in progress. Warning. Collision with Mass Relay is immanent. Begin evacuation procedures immediately." The V.I Sent the alert through the stations comms.

She knew there was not enough time, but she she had to try. Maybe she could give the Batarians time to evacuate. Shepard linked a relay wide comm channel.

"Alert. All colonists living in the Balak system: This is-"

She was cut off as Kenson's image appeared in the console before her, features twisted with rage. "Shepard no! Do you have any idea what you have done? You leave me no choice. If we can't stop this asteroid, then it must be destroyed!"

Shepard ignored her and activated the V.I. "Tell me where to find Dr. Amanda Kenson."

"Dr. Kenson is travelling to the reactor core module."

A macabre grin on her face, the doctor said triumphantly. "A Eezo meltdown should do it. Because of you, everyone on this rock will be obliterated."

"Not if I get to you first, bitch!" Shepard cut the link, transferring the map to the reactor core from the V.I to her omni tool. Then she ran.

Her side tore open farther as she sprinted, sending hot blood down her side. She was loosing too much blood, she knew, but all that mattered now were the billions of lives at stake if she failed.

She refused to let thoughts of Kaidan into her head, thoughts of her team, of her future. Shepard ran, pushing through the pain.

She made it to the core, and saw Kenson standing in the center of the room.

"Don't try to stop me Shepard. I have to do this."

The doctor's eyes were glassy, filled with the same brainwashed fervor as Sarens had been.

"I've already activated the project. It's over." She said, her voice hard.

"There is no escape. There is no redemption for what you've done."

Shepard knew Kenson meant because she was stopping the Reapers, but the words were like knives in Shepards heart. She was going to murder hundreds of thousands of people… Kenson was right. There would be no redemption for her after this.

Kenson's face turned ugly, and she hissed at Shepard. "I will die never having seen the Reapers blessings…and you will just die!" Kenson took off, sprinting towards the elevator. Shepard was after her in a flash. Alerts began to blare from the station. Kenson had began overheating the reactor core. If Shepard didn't cool it down, it would blow before the asteroid reached the Relay.

She followed Kenson, undoing her sabotage as she went. Several guards tried to stop her along the way, but Shepard was unflinching as she took them out. Giving herself another round of stims and medi gel, she pushed herself after Kenson.

The station was like a maze, with Shepard darting down corridors and up and down elevators trying to follow the indoctrinated Kenson.

She undid the last of the crazed woman's sabotage. Her chest was heaving with exhaustion as she heard the V.I state that the core melt down was averted.

"You've stopped nothing, Shepard! I can still override power to the engines!" Kenson shrieked.

Shepard had never more wanted someone to _just fucking die already_. She pushed herself off from the console, looking numbly at the bloody footprints she was leaving behind her. She took the elevator up one more floor, and pulled out her pistol.

She stepped into the control room, pistol leveled at the back of Kenson's head.

"Step away from the controls Kenson. Now."

"You've ruined everything! I can't hear the whispers anymore…Now I will never see the Reapers arrival."

Kenson turned slowly and raised her left hand. In it, she held a remote detonator. Shepard squeezed the trigger, but was a fraction to slow. Kenson hit the button just as Shepard's shot tore through her stomach. There was a massive explosion and Shepard was flying through the air.

With a jarring crash, her head hit the wall behind her, and she once again fell into the dark.

00oo00oo00

She didn't know how long she was out, but Shepard came to with the blaring alarm of the stations V.I in her ears.

"Warning! Collision Imminent!"

Shepard could see what was left of Kenson every where. She brushed the blood out of her eyes, and crawled to the console. She frantically punched commands into the console.

"Joker! This is Shepard. I need a pick up. Now!"

"Communication systems, damaged." The V.I informed her.

"Damnit!"

"Evacuation protocols in effect. All personnel report to the escape shuttles."

Shepard swallowed a yelp of pain as she pulled herself to her feet. Jamming the last of her stims into her thigh, Shepard headed for the shuttles. Her heart burned, and she knew between the blood loss, and the over use of stims, she was in real danger of a heart attack.

Shepard staggered, using the walls for support until she made it to the roof. With horror, she saw the last shuttle lifting off. The Alpha Relay loomed bright, getting closer and closer. There was a huge comm tower at the end of the platform. If she could get there, she might be able to reach the Normandy.

As she painfully made her way to the tower console, Shepard had to activate her mag boots. The pull from the Relay had the asteroid now, and debris was whipping across the deck. She got on the console, and found an open channel.

"Shepard to Normandy. Joker, do you read me?"

Something bright loomed bright above her, and Shepards blood ran cold as a giant holo of Harbinger formed above her.

" **Shepard. You have become an annoyance. You fight against inevitability. Dust struggling against cosmic winds. This seems a victory to you…a star system sacrificed. But even now, your greatest civilizations are doomed to fall. You leaders will beg to serve us."**

"Yes. People will die. Maybe we will lose half the galaxy. Maybe more. But I will do _whatever_ it takes to warn the Galaxy of the Reaper threat. However insignificant we might be. We will fight you. We will sacrifice. And we will find a way. That's what Humans do." Shepard gasped, dropping to a knee.

" **Know this as you die in vain. Your time will come. Your species will fall. Prepare yourselves for the Arrival."**

The holo faded away and Shepard coughed harshly, splattering blood on the deck below her.

"Shepard! Are you there? Normandy is inbound for pick-up! Shepard?" Joker's frantic voice came through her comm.

"I'm here Joker. I'm on the deck."

"I see you Commander! Hang tight."

Joker pulled the Normandy low, up to the very edge of the platform. Shepard pulled herself to her feet and staggered into the airlock, collapsing against the wall. Her vision was blurring and she struggled to keep her breath even. She had to warn the Batarians.

The airlock whooshed open behind her, and she collapsed into the hall.

"Shepard! Spirits…Chakwas!" Garrus lifted her, his face horror stricken at her injuries as he screamed again for Chakwas.

"The CIC Garrus. I need to see."

"No Jane, we need to get you to the med-"

"I need to see!" She shouted with all her strength. It came out a harsh croak.

Garrus hurried to the CIC, and Shepard could only watch as the asteroid crashed into the Relay Joker had cleared minutes before. It exploded brilliantly, and one by one, the planets in the Balak system winked out of sight on the map.

It was over… They had bought themselves time, hopefully years, but at the cost of hundreds of thousands of lives.

Commander Shepard. Hero of Elysium. Savior of the Citadel.

Mass Murderer.


	35. Chapter 35

**Authors Note: Ok Ladies and Gents. This was a challenging chapter to write. I am still without a beta, so I had no one to bounce my idea's off of. I hope you like it and the next chapter after this will be set 6 months in the future...starting the Mass effect 3 story line and our Shenko will return!**

 **:)**

 **Thank you to Impslave for the review of the last Chapter... Your the best *Smooch***

 **Warning: Character Death**

Chapter Thirty-Five

Karin Chakwas jumped at the sound of Garrus screaming her name. Ice coated her heart as she scrambled from the med bay and ran for the elevator. She had never heard the Turian scream like that. Something was terribly wrong. The harsh scream came again, followed by a terrible keening, and a mish-mash of other voices all yelling over one another.

The elevator door opened on the CIC floor to chaos. There was blood everywhere… Human blood. Garrus Vakarian held Jane Shepard in his arms, and he was alternating between trying to jiggle her awake, and screaming Chakwas' name.

She rushed to his side, shoving Jacob and Jack roughly aside. Her heart lurched when she saw the damage.

Multiple bullet wounds, extreme blood loss and her thigh…it was shredded.

"Garrus get her to the med bay. Now!" The Turian used every inch of his huge frame to just bowl people aside as he galloped to the med bay, blood trailing behind him.

"Someone tell Miranda to get to the med bay immediately. Mordin, you too." Chakwas gave rapid fire instructions.

"Joker. Set a course for the Citadel. We need to get there as quickly as possible."

The Pilot stood, leaning heavily on the CIC, his face dead white as his eyes tracked the blood throughout the room.

"Joker!" She barked.

He jumped, and stared at her, his eyes full of terror. "Ok… The Citadel. Right." He turned and moved numbly back to the Bridge.

"Jacob. Stay with him. Now everyone else, find something to do… you aren't helping her by standing around." Chakwas ordered and then turned to rush for the med bay, joining Miranda as she stepped onto the elevator.

They stepped through the doors, and Chakwas dimly heard Miranda's shocked gasp. Mordin was setting up the operating lasers, his hands a blur he was moving so fast.

Garrus had set Shepard down on the operating table…and in the harsh light of the med bay, Shepards wounds were ghastly. Her thigh was in tatters, raw muscle exposed to the light with glimmers of white bone showing through here and there. Her shoulder and upper arm were a mess.

But it was her side that worried Chakwas the most. Shepard had been shot in the gut… always a danger…but more so because it was high in her side just below her ribcage…there was potentially massive organ damage.

Miranda stepped up to Shepards side, only to back hastily away at Garrus' vicious snarl. Chakwas moved forward cautiously.

"Garrus…you need to let us work on her now." She soothed.

"She is dying…She went down there alone, and she is dying." His voice was harsh with shock. The dual flanged tone high pitched and keening behind the roughness of his voice.

"Not today Garrus. I can save her…but I need you to go so we can do it. Shepard needs you to man the ship for her Garrus. You know that is what she would want you to be doing. Miranda and I…" She broke off at the Turians vicious glare at Miranda. "Miranda, Mordin and I need to start Garrus. I need you to let her go, and leave. Now."

Chakwas' voice was sympathetic, but hard. Garrus met her gaze, and she almost broke at the pain in his eyes. If Shepard died…he would break… and god help anyone near him when he did.

He shuddered, and stepped away from Shepards limp form. Then he spun on his heel and left the med bay, taking up a stance on the outside of the door. Chakwas knew she wouldn't budge him, so turned to the task at hand.

"Miranda, start on the bullet wounds. Mordin, get those biometric scanners going. I need to open her up and see the internal damage."

The all moved quickly and efficiently. Miranda debrided the wounds while Mordin ran the biometric scanner and monitored her head wound. Chakwas focused on Shepards torso. Her spleen and half of one of her kidneys was ruined and she had lost mass amounts of her blood. Chakwas had Mordin get an infusion going immediately. Humans had had access to synthetic blood for over 100 years, so there was a lot on hand on the average active duty vessel.

"Hmmm very curious." Mordin muttered. "Ms. Lawson, need additional information to fully analyse this data." Mordin showed Miranda the data scan of Shepards concussion.

"My god… How could this have happened?" Miranda's voice was shocked.

"What? Is her skull fractured?" Chakwas asked, her hands never stopping their suturing.

"The Cybernetic implants…they are fried. Only about 20 percent of them are functional…" Miranda's face was a blank sheet of shock.

"What does that mean Miranda!" Chakwas urged.

"It means… She is almost completely back to normal… she wont be able to heal faster than normal, be able to take so much damage…She could really die, Chakwas…the Cerberus upgrades are no longer functional"

Karin's hands stilled. She hadn't really thought about it, but Miranda was right. They were so used to the 'new' Shepard, and how hardy her cybernetic implants made her. Thinking about a normal soldier with this much damage…

"Get Garrus back in here." Chakwas said quietly. "Miranda, do everything you can, Mordin, try any tech you have…advanced skin weave…anything."

Garrus rushed back into the room. "Chakwas! Is she…" His voice trailed off.

"No Garrus… But it is bad. Joker said this was a mission for Hackett. I need you to contact him, let him know we have her. And Garrus… whatever gods you might have…pray to them. Jane's body no longer has the cybernetic implants to help her heal… We will need all the help we can get." She tore her eyes away from Garrus' dumbfounded face, and returned to her surgery. The best thing she could do for Shepard now was pour all of her years of knowledge into saving her.

00oo00oo00

Kaidan Alenko clenched his hands into fists. He and Anderson had been camped outside of Hackett's office for hours, waiting to see if he had an update about Shepard. The communication that Joker had sent to them had said she would be in contact after Hackett's mission. It, along with the assault on the Collector base was supposed to be no longer than four days.

This was day five.

"That's it. I don't give a damn if he court marshalls me! I am going in there." Kaidan fumed, striding to the door. His hand was almost to the knob when it opened, and a gray faced Hackett stood face to face with him.

"Anderson, Alenko. You had better come inside." The older man said, and returned to the room to sit wearily at his desk.

Anderson looked concerned, and poured the older man a glass of water. "Hackett, what-"

"I sent Shepard in to Batarian space to get Dr. Amanda Kenson. It was a personal favor to me, and I asked her to do it alone. I realise now that it was a bad call."

Kaidan stood, his back rigid. "What do you mean, 'a bad call?'" His voice was soft, but had an edge like a razor.

"Kenson is dead, over 300,000 Batarians are dead, I have no answers as to why, and Shepard… Shepard is comatose and unlikely to pull through." Hackett finally met Kaidan's gaze.

"What?" Kaidan gasped as his knees turned to water. He clutched at the chair in front of him for support.

 _300,000 Batarians dead? Shepard in a coma? Not likely to pull through?_

Anderson leapt to his feet with a roar. "What! Jesus Christ Steven! Where is the Normandy now? I am going."

Hackett held up a hand, in a stop motion. Anderson shoved it away and snarled at him "If you think you can stop me from going to that girl, think again. She is like a daughter to me, and I have had enough of this bullshit."

Hackett nodded at him. "I know David. I wasn't going to stop you…But Alenko?" He turned and faced Kaidan who guts clenched.

"No…No way. I am going."

The Admirals face hardened. "No son, you're not. I have got a shit storm about to hit, and I need to have a united front here. Anderson hasn't given it to you officially yet but, you are the Systems Alliance's newest Major. Your induction ceremony is in two days, and we are going to need to have some answer's ready for what jut happened with the Batarians if we are going to avoid a war. Anderson will see about Shepard."

Kaidan had white hot rage bubbling in his guts. Shepard could die, and Hackett wanted him to play politician?

"How can you ask me to do this?"

"I'm not. Asking, that is. Major Alenko, I hereby order you to take point on the Balak Relay incident." Hackett's face went hard.

Kaidan had poured everything into the Alliance. His family was Alliance. Shepard was Alliance. But this was too far. He had chosen them over her once before, and he regretted it everyday.

"Respectfully sir, I decline." He ground out.

Hackett stood, his shoulders rigidly straight. "Denied. Listen Alenko, I know you want to be there. I know what you think of me. But this is where you _need_ to be right now. If that girl pulls through, there is going to be a lynch mob waiting here for her head. All I know right now is that she was on a mission for the Alliance, and now a Relay is gone and a whole system of Batarian colonies if gone! There is going to be a fucking war with the Reapers. Another one with the Batarians is not acceptable!"

Kaidan swallowed hard, and opened his mouth to tell Hackett he could go to hell, when Anderson cut across him.

"Kaidan… He is right. Between this and Cerberus… she looks bad. You and Udina get along… you know most of the other diplomats, hell, even Sparatus respects you. I want to be able to bring her _home_ , not to a jail cell." Anderson stepped close and clasped a hand on Kaidan's shoulder. "I know you want to be with her right now son, but you are needed here. I will update you on everything I know."

Kaidan wanted to rail at them, to scream at them that he would go anyway…but the tiny voice in the back of his mind that said 'wait, they have a good point' was getting louder. He had been so suspicious of Shepard on Horizon that he hadn't believed her about Cerberus, and _he_ had loved her.

What would the rest of the council races see? An Alliance solder that went renegade, joined Cerberus and blew up a planet of Batarians… the same race that brutally murdered her own family. They would annihilate her.

Not trusting himself to speak, he just gave a tight nod.

Hackett and Anderson made plans to get a ride to the Normandy.

Kaidan stood, feeling as though everything about him was different. What kind of man doesn't go to the side of the woman he loves? What kind of man just stands there, and takes an order to stay away?

The pain was enormous, and the feeling of guilt was threatening to drown him. One by one he erected walls. Burying the deepest and most painful feelings behind barricades until he could deal with them. He straightened his back.

Only time would tell if he had made the right call.

00oo00oo00

Shepard groaned. Her mouth tasted like ash and copper, and everything about her hurt. She squinted at the lights, even though they were dimmed. In a chair beside her, his neck cranked out to what looked to be a terribly uncomfortable angle, was Zaeed.

"Zaeed?" He voice was a harsh crack, and the old Mercenary jumped and cursed.

"Christ Shepard! Your awake. Chakwas!" He roared, then let his eyes rake over her, as though double checking he hadn't dreamt it.

"How long have I been out?" She rasped again. Zaeed quickly put a small glass of water against her lips and she sipped gratefully, as Chakwas skidded into the med bay.

"Shepard! Your awake!" The doctor heaved a sigh of relief.

"Chakwas, how long have I been out? What the hell happened?"

"You've been out for almost five days. You had massive injuries Jane. We thought we were going to lose you more than once. Zaeed? Will you please let Garrus know she is awake?" Chakwas asked, and Zaeed gave Shepard a cheeky wink and left the med bay.

Shepard looked at Chakwas. "How bad?" It was like a flash to almost a year ago, when Chakwas had examined her after she woke up in the Cerberus lab.

Chakwas gave her a small smile, obviously remembering the similarity as well. "It could be better. You've been in a coma. The cybernetic implants that Cerberus used to rebuild you are almost all completely fried. One of your kidney's and your spleen have been removed, leaving you susceptible to infections. You have a pretty severe skull fracture, and your thigh…"

Shepard felt dread pool in her stomach. She whipped back the covers on the bed, heaving a sob of relief at the sight of her leg, resting whole on the bed. It was heavily bandaged. Chakwas sat lightly next to her on the bed and rested a hand on top of Shepards.

"Your thigh suffered extreme nerve and muscle damage. You should be able to walk…and maybe even run, but I don't know if you'll get full use of your leg back Shepard."

"Fuck… The Reaper Artifact… it sent out some kind of massive pulse…knocked me out. It must have fried the cybernetics." Shepard sucked in a breath. That was pretty bad. If her leg wasn't back strong enough for her to do drills… they would pull her from the fight.

The door to the med bay opened again, and Garrus came through the door.

"Shepard…" He breathed, then launched himself at her bed. He pulled her against his chest in a tight hug, ignoring her squeak of pain. "How could you do that. Drug me and leave me behind! You almost died! Why?" He was murmuring, but she could feel the tension rolling off of him in waves.

"I'm sorry Garrus. Hackett's orders-"

"I don't give a flying fuck about Hackett! The man can rot in hell for all I care! I care about you!" Garrus roared, releasing her to stand.

Chakwas turned bright red, and grabbed Shepards chart, muttering to herself about double checking the readings as she hurried out of the room.

Garrus stood with his chest heaving, and his hands clenched tight into fists. Shepard's heart was pounding as she looked at him.

"Garrus…"

"Don't. I don't need you to say anything. I know you don't…fell that way about me. It doesn't matter. What matters is _you_. I need you Shepard. We all do. The fact that we… we almost lost you…" He trailed off, leaving her to swallow thickly and wipe her eyes.

He was always here, always worrying. She cursed herself for her inability to give him what he wanted. The saying, 'all fair in love and war'? … It was total bullshit.

"Garrus, please. I care about you. So much. If things had been different, if Kaidan and I…"

"But you did. And it's not different. I have got your six Shepard, I always will. But you can never shut me out like that again. If you can't trust me enough to believe that I will always do what is right, then you don't know me at all. It wasn't right for you to go down there alone. But getting you back to the Alliance _is_ right, and I will do whatever I can to help you. There is no Vakarian without Shepard."

Shepards heart cracked, just a little, and for a moment she was filed with regret. Garrus was a good man, and there was a part of her that cared about him deeply. She reached out and took his hand.

"Thank you Garrus. I won't ever lie to you again. I'm sorry." She squeezed his hand in hers. There was more she wanted to say, but she knew she couldn't. She and Garrus had a beautiful friendship… and she refused to let it be changed by hearing out loud what she had suspected for months.

The door opened again, and Miranda Lawson strode in, bristling with anger. "Shepard. It is good to see you awake. I am sorry to interrupt, but I'm afraid it is urgent. Admiral Hackett, and Captain Anderson are here. They refuse to wait."

Garrus released Shepard's hand and brought himself up to his full seven-foot height. "Hackett is gonna pay for this. That smug bastard is going to regret the day he used you as his errand girl."

He strode to the door, and as it entered to admit Admiral Hackett, Garrus grabbed him by the neck and slammed him into the bulkhead. Garrus was growling softly, ignoring Anderson's clumsy attempt to pull him away.

"You son-of-a-bitch. You sit out there, issuing commands with shitty intel, and no back-up, and you think you can just waltz in here and act like nothing happened?"

"Garrus…Let him go." Shepard called, concern all over her face. She had never seen Garrus like this. He was right on the edge of loosing control.

He shipped his head around to look at her. "This man almost cost us everything. If you had died, trying to save one pathetic doctor, he would have doomed us all. You are the one working to stop the Reapers. You are the one doing what needs to be done. He is scum. Worse, scum with command."

"It wasn't just one pathetic doctor Garrus… The Reapers would be here right now, if I hadn't gone down there." She didn't tell him the part that Hackett probably didn't know that, that to him, she was just on a rescue mission.

After a few more tense moments, Garrus released Hackett, and backed towards Shepards bed. Anderson released the grip he had on his pistol, while Hackett straightened his jacket.

"I apologise Admiral. My team is pretty shaken by the events in the Balak system. I accept full responsibility for Officer Vakarian's actions." Shepard rasped, squeezing Garrus' hand in a vise like grip to smother his protest.

Hackett gave her a long look, taking in her many injuries. "It's fine Commander. I understand your team must have been under intense stress while you were out. I must admit, it is good to see you awake. We were under the impression you were in a coma"

"She was." Chakwas barked, coming back into the med-bay. "Admiral, Captain. I cannot condone you questioning her right now. She has only just woken, and must not be put under stress. It is critical to her well being that we put this off, at least until tomorrow when she has had some natural rest."

Hackett looked like he was going to argue, but backed off at Chakwas' glare. "Of course Doctor. Rest well Shepard. Vakarian, I trust we can put this behind us." He spun on his heel and left the med bay. Garrus hissed softly, and Shepard shushed him.

Anderson remained, standing still and silent, his gaze on hers.

"Karin, I need to talk to David. We wont discuss the mission, and we wont take long… but I need to talk to him ok?" Shepard pleaded with Chakwas. Garrus huffed, and Shepard turned her green eyes to him as well.

"Garrus I was going to ask you to stay as well, but only if you can manage to not strangle anyone else. Am I clear?" her tone was light, but her eyes told him she would accept no more outbursts… his days of assaulting Alliance admirals were over.

He had to good grace to look at least a little sheepish. "Of course, Shepard." He moved to the other side the of the bed and sat in the chair, leaving Anderson to perch at her side on the bed while Chakwas busied herself with the medications.

"Well kid, you look like hell. But damn, it's good to see you." Anderson said softly, resting an hand on a small patch of her arm that was undamaged.

"It's good to see you too. Did you come alone?" His gaze softened, and her heart fell.

"Yes. Kaidan had to stay. There was something he was needed for on the Citadel. He wanted to be here Shepard. Truly."

She nodded and tore her gaze away from his sympathetic gaze. She knew Kaidan probably wouldn't be with them…but when she had woken up, for a moment the figure by her bed had been him, and not Zaeed. The crack in her heart deepened.

"Shepard… we have a lot to go over. Get some rest, and we will talk more tomorrow. I will try and keep Hackett in line." He leaned down, and gave her a gentle hug. She forced the tears from her eyes, and hugged him back with her good arm.

Garrus rose as Anderson left the room. "Shepard…"

"It's fine Garrus. I'm fine." She sniffed. "I am tired. Go and grab a shower ok? You smell like a dead Vorcha."

He grinned at her, a true smile and she couldn't help but return it, ignoring the protest from her damaged skin.

Once he left, she snuggled down into her blankets, accepting the handful of painkillers Chakwas gave her. There was only a few reasons' why Hackett would come to her in person, instead of doing a vid de-breif.

She was either getting a medal…or getting arrested.

00oo00oo00

Chakwas has arranged the bed in the Med bay so Shepard could sit, and gathered all the things Shepard had asked her for on the little table by the bed. Garrus had been ordered away, to calibrate the Thannix canon after all the action it had seen on the Collector base. Shepard still felt like hell, but could no longer avoid the Admiral.

It was time to face the music.

As though on cue, the door opened to reveal Hackett, who was stopped from entering by Chakwas who was whispering heatedly at him. When he refused to answer, or budge, she threw up her hands in exasperation and stalked from the room, leaving the two of them alone.

"Admiral." Shepard saluted.

Hackett returned it, and then adopted a loose military pose. "Shepard. Sounds like you went through hell down there. How are you feeling?"

She barked a short laugh. "Like I was shot a bunch then blown up, sir."

He dipped his head at her, and cracked a rare smile. "I suppose it was a silly question. Truly though Shepard. Are you alright?"

She sighed. "Honestly sir? I'm not sure. Chakwas say's I should heal well…except my leg. But for me…it's more mental." Her face got a haunted look. "Did anyone make it out of the Balak system sir?"

He shook his head. "I'm sorry Shepard." Hackett's voice changed, and his face hardened slightly. "I needed to see you in person. I needed to look in your eyes when you told me how a rescue mission turned into a Mass Relay's destruction and hundreds of thousands of dead Batarians."

Shepard straightened her own back, as much as her injuries would allow, then handed him a data pad. Ignoring the accusatory tone in his voice.

"I confirmed Doctor Kenson's proof. The Reapers were coming and, and destroying the Relay was the only way to stop them. Kenson overpowered and sedated me for two days." Hackett looked at her in shock, but she plowed ahead. "By the time I got free, there was less than two hours to the Reapers arrival. I had to engage engines on the asteroid to cause it to collide with the Relay. I activated a comm link to warn the Batarian colonies but Kenson attacked me again and…time ran out."

Hackett shook his head. "The Batarians has reported no Survivors from Aratoht. At east you tried Shepard. It sounds as though Amanda was Indoctrinated…"

"She was sir. She had a massive Reaper Artifact called 'Object Rho.' It indoctrinated her whole team, making them try to sabotage their plan to destroy the Relay. She believed the Reapers were gods." Shepard fought to keep her voice calm, to ignore the sensation to shudder at the crazed doctor's plan to let the Reapers through.

"And you believe the Reapers invasion really was a threat?" Hackett asked.

Shepard gaped at him. "There is no doubt about it sir. We literally had minutes to spare. The Alpha Relay is where they were going to come through now that the Citadel is closed to them. They would have been through the Galaxy in a matter of hours. It's all in my report"

Hackett closed his eyes, seeming to age before her eyes. "I wont lie to you Shepard: the Batarians want blood, and there is just enough evidence for a witch hunt. And we don't want a war with the Batarians. We can't afford to make them enemies with the Reapers at the galaxy's edge."

Fear flickered through Shepard at the look on Hackett's face. "What exactly are you saying?"

"Shepard… You did what you did for the best of reasons but, there were more than three hundred thousand Batarians in that system. All of them are dead."

 _Holy fuck. He was going to arrest her._ She thought wildly. "They died to save _trillions_ of lives. If I could have saved them, you bet your ass I would have!" Shepard ground out.

Hackett lifted his hands, palms out, towards her. "Shepard, your preaching to the choir. If it was up to me, I'd give you a damn medal." Hackett's voice rang with sincerity. "Unfortunately, it isn't up to just me, and not everyone will see it that way."

The last shred's of Shepard's hope died in her chest. "What are you saying?"

Hackett kept his eyes locked on hers. "Evidence against you is shoddy at best. But, at some point you will have to return to Earth and face the music. I can't stop it Shepard…They will put you on trial…But I can, and will, make them fight for it."

Shepard though about the rest of the crew. The Normandy had flown in and picked her up from the asteroid before the Relay blew. If they wanted blood, none of the team would be safe…especially if people thought they were still with Cerberus.

"I understand, sir. I will stand trial and accept full responsibility…however." She paused, and Hackett raised an eyebrow at her.

"We will stop at Omega and let the crew off. Anderson can bring the Normandy to headquarters in Vancouver. This is not a Cerberus vessel anymore, and none of my crew are with them. My people will not be involved in this. Let them all go, and we can leave for Earth straight away."

Hackett just looked at her, then chuckled. "You've got a set of brass balls Shepard; I'll give you that. Anderson already made arrangements. He knew that you wouldn't consider it unless you knew your team was safe from prosecution."

Shepard nodded at him gratefully. Hackett turned and headed for the door, stopping to look back as he said. "I figure it will take at least two weeks to get to Omega, resupply and make it to Vancouver. When you hit Earth, you have your dress blues on and be ready to take the hit."

"Sir!" Shepard called, and he paused in the doorway. "Thank you for the extra time."

"You're a hell of a leader Shepard. I wont let them take you down for this." Hackett saluted her, then left her in the med bay, watching his retreating back in shock.

00oo00 Two Weeks Later 00oo00

Shepard stood on the bridge, staring at Joker in exasperation. He armpits were chaffed from her crutches, her stiches itched, and her stubborn ass of a pilot refused to hand the Normandy over to the Alliance pilot supplied by Anderson. He had to leave now if he was going to get a shuttle away before they landed.

"Joker. The could arrest you as a traitor. You have to leave." She tried again.

"Not gonna happen, Commander. I am sticking to you like a fat kid on a smarty. Besides, no fresh out of flight-sims rookie is laying hands on my baby."

She growled in frustration. "And I though Garrus was going to be the one giving me problems."

Joker snorted." Pfft, as soon as you went all 'Garrus, please. I need your battle prowess to get the rest of the big, manly Turians ready for battle, please oh please, wont you do this for me?' He was toast."

"What! I have never in my life sounded like that!" She said, outraged.

"Whatever, Commander. I'm not going, so just give it up already. Besides, EDI and I have a plan." He smirked.

"Oh, and what is this master plan to keep you out of jail?" She snarked, still stinging from his impression of her goodbye to Garrus.

"The less you know the better." He gave her a cheeky wink, and she turned and crutched away, before she gave into her urge to throttle him.

They would be landing in Vancouver in just over an hour. Shepard adjusted her dress blues. Her arm was in a cast, and her leg was still heavily bandaged, but she was on her feet. Chakwas had cut Shepards hair off into a bob, as she was unable to manage it long with only one good arm. She was a mass of bruises and fresh scars. Children would run screaming in terror from her ghoulishness.

She stopped lamenting her sorry state as Anderson stepped up next to her.

"Shepard…The Batarians have made several threats against you, so when we land, I want to introduce you to your head of guard detail, James Vega."

Shepard snorted. "Don't me you mean, Boss jailer?"

Anderson gave her a stern glare. "No, I don't mean that. You are not under arrest Shepard. You are being detained for questioning at a secure facility until the trial. Lt. Vega is going to be my man, put there to watch out for you. He is an experienced soldier, and I think he has a bright future. You will both be good for each other."

"Yes sir." Shepard mumbled.

As the Normandy got ready to dock, nerves and dread filled Shepard. She still hadn't heard a word from Kaidan, and although Anderson assured her that he wanted to be there…things with them were up in the air, and now she was facing this.

She was scared, and she wanted him by her side.

"We're here." Andersons soft statement brought her out of her musings.

Time to face the music. The airlock opened, and several people filtered in. Admiral Hackett, several of the guards Anderson mentioned, and…Wallace.

"Wallace!" Shepard screeched and hobbled as fast as she could to the tall red haired man. He crushed her to him in a hug.

"Jesus Shep… You've looked better." He teased.

She smacked his arm. "God, you never change. What are you doing here? I haven't heard from you in…" She trailed off. She hadn't heard from him since before the Normandy went down. She had sent him a letter when she came back, but never got a reply.

"Yeah…been a long time. I am here to escort you to the safe complex you'll be housed in. There are actually a few of the old N7's that are going to be in your guard rotation." He grinned at her, that same roughish grin she remembered so well from N training. She grinned back, and he turned at took up his position at the airlock.

A burly Marine with a new, barely healed scar across his face stepped up to her next to Anderson.

She stuck out her hand, and he took it tentatively. "You must be Lt. Vega. Pleasure to meet you."

"Oh, the pleasure is all mine Commander." The marine said it in a sassy, admiring tone and was promptly elbowed by Anderson.

"We are docked, and green for departure Commander Shepard." EDI's voice came through the comm, sounding much more stilted than usual.

Shepard frowned, but before she could ask the A.I what was up, Hackett stepped forward and cleared his throat. A hush fell over the room.

"You all know Commander Jane Shepard. Who she is, and what she stands for. There is a crowd out there that don't. They don't see what we see, and because of that, each and everyone of them is to be considered dangerous. From here, Shepard is to be taken directly to debriefing at headquarters, after which she will be transferred to the safe housing facility. Be on your guard."

Vega moved up and stood point with Wallace, the two remaining guards flanking her, Hackett and Anderson.

Then the Airlock opened fully, and the circus began.

The crowd was enormous, and for a brief moment it was silent. Then Shepard stepped from the shadow of the airlock into the bright son.

"Murderer!" Someone shrieked, and all hell broke loose.

Alliance Marines blocked the crowd from surging forward, and Vega and Wallace began to move forward, Shepard following as Anderson and Hackett moved to the press to give statements.

Shepard scanned the shreiking crowd, hoping for a glimpse of a familiar face. The crowd was surging forward, pushing the guards back, and Wallace was muttering at the rest of the guards to hurry, his eyes never ceasing their relentless scanning for threats.

Suddenly, a familiar pair of Amber eyes locked onto hers, and she paused. Kaidan was standing with a knot of Alliance officers, giving statements to the press. Her heart leapt at the sight of him in his dress blues, his hair longer, and swept back off his face. His eyes burned into hers, sending a shiver down her spine.

Kaidan's face changed, flashing confusion, then horror as he looked behind her.

It felt like she was in slow motion as she spun to look behind her. A Batarian had pushed through the crowd and was leveling a pistol at her face. She saw the hatred in his eyes and his finger began to squeeze the trigger.

"Down!" Wallace roared, and her view of the Batarian was gone as James Vega slammed into her, knocking her out of the way as the pistol went off.

There was a grunt, and then everything seemed to resume to normal speed.

Civilians were screaming and trying to run away, there was another pistol shot, then another.

"Move Vega! Let me up, I need to see!" Shepard futilely tried to budge the massive marine, but he hissed at her to stay down, but shifted slightly so she could see past him, while still shielding her with his body.

The Batarian lay face down in a pool of blood, people fleeing away from him in all directions. There was a horrible gurgle, and Shepard's head whipped to the right.

"No… Get off me Vega!" The Marine began to refuse, and Shepard ruthlessly kneed him in the balls, shoving him out of her way as she scrambled out from under his now fetal form.

She crawled on her hands and knees to Wallace, who was on his back with his hands clutching at the jagged hole in his neck.

Anderson was screaming for a medic, but Shepard knew it was no use.

She cupped her hands around Wallace's face, bringing her face close to his. "Shhh. Wallace. I'm here." His blue eyes locked onto hers, panicked. "Don't try to talk. Do you remember the night you began to train me? I thought you were such an asshole." Shepards voice was calm, and soothing, but tears were pouring from her eyes and running down her face.

Vega had recovered enough to crawl over to her, and had his pistol out, scanning the crowd still running away for threats.

Wallace was stilling now, his eyes locked onto Shepards. "But you were right. I was angry, and I was letting that anger change me." Shepard squeezed his face, hating the fact that the light in his eyes was fading. "You saved me Wallace. I would never had made it without you. Thank you."

He shuddered once more, his body trying to get air into lungs through his ruined throat, then his eyes went blank.

He was gone.

Anderson pulled her away from him, shoving her towards Vega who scooped her up as her knees gave out.

It was too much. The shock, and suddenness of Wallace's death wasn't fully registered with her, and now she was being carried towards a building, away from her oldest friend while he was still bleeding out in the street.

Her vision began to go spotty, and she though she was on the verge of passing out.

"Shepard!" A familiar voice yelled. She turned her head and saw Kaidan, standing by Hackett, who had a hand on his arm to hold him back. He jerked his arm from the Admirals grasp and started towards her.

As her vision started to go black, Shepard knew that Hackett had gotten it right.

He _should_ keep Kaidan away. He should keep everyone away.

 _I thwarted death, and now it stalks me._

No one is safe.


	36. Chapter 36

**Authors Note: I loved this chapter so much. I hope you do to too :)**

 **Thank you to Impslave, for the review of the last chapter, you rock!**

Chapter Thirty-Six

Shepard stood in the tiny, one room 'safe house' and looked out the window at a child playing on the grass a few stories below her. She had spent the last six months in this same room, other than trips up the hall to Alliance headquarters and to the rehabilitation center to work on her leg.

She lifted said leg and stretched it out before her. Chakwas had been impressed with how well her muscle function had returned, but Shepard knew the leg was significantly weaker than her other. She had been working with James Vega, the cheeky lieutenant Anderson had introduced her to when Wallace had died, everyday to build up her strength, both in her leg and her general conditioning.

Six months in a gym was not the same as field action, and she knew it showed, no matter how much Vega teased her about her 'guns'. She and the burly marine had hit it off extremely well after the first few weeks together. He had been a huge help in helping her get over the loss of Wallace. They had both been through terrible losses before, and had shared a more than a few shots to toast the fallen.

After everything she had been through, the high of seeing Kaidan's face… his actual face not a vid, then the sudden transition to seeing Wallace bleed out taking a bullet meant for her, had almost broken her.

Shepard sighed and moved to the computer terminal in the room. She didn't know why she bothered checking her messages anymore. She had barely heard from anyone on her team since she got to Earth, other than some weird ass Palaven flowers from Garrus after he heard about Wallace's death, and the random coded messages from Liara about what was happening in the world of the Shadow Broker.

Before the Normandy had left Omega, while Shepard was recovering in the Med-bay after Hackett had left, the team had mostly let her know their plans.

Jack had dropped off the grid, disappearing into Omega like a waif, while Zaeed had gone back to hunting for Vido. Grunt returned to Tuchanka to learn what it meant to be a full member of Clan Urdnot from Wrex. Kasumi had slipped away to the Citadel to find some new marks… and 'get into some trouble' she had smirked.

Thane was also on the Citadel to spend time with Kolyat, and take advantage of the excellent medical facilities in Huerta Memorial hospital. She hoped the Drell was doing well, and his disease hadn't advanced too severely.

Miranda and Jacob had slipped away into the bowels of Omega to hide from the Illusive Man. He wasn't very impressed with Shepard and her team's decision to part ways with him and blow up the Collector base. The two would need to stay _way_ off his radar to remain safe. Mordin, as far as she knew, was back with the STG… but you never really knew with the wily Salarian.

Tali returned to the Migrant Fleet, catching a ride with Legion who was going to try and build a new consensus with the Geth regarding organic and synthetic cooperation. Samara had hitched a ride with them, wanting to check up on her other daughters after the loss of Morinth. Shepard hoped that is she ever crossed paths with the Justicar again, they would remain friends.

Joker had been taken in by the Alliance for questioning regarding his association with Cerberus, and Shepard hadn't heard anything from him either, except through Anderson who assured her the cocky pilot was fine, and not in jail.

Garrus… Garrus had gone to Palaven to scream at anyone who would listen that the Reapers were coming, and they had to prepare. It had been harder than Shepard liked to admit to say good by to him. He knew that she was going to be basically arrested, and was totally in favour of just taking off and becoming space pirates. It had taken everything she had to smile at him and assure him she would be fine, even though she wanted nothing more than to avoid the situation she was in now, and never leave the Normandy.

Shepard sighed and sat on the edge of her bed, rubbing her thigh absently. On the nightstand next to the bed was the photo of Kaidan from her cabin, and a miniature of the Normandy. She didn't know why she kept the photo. She hadn't seen, or heard from Kaidan since the day she landed, and she made eye contact with him right before Wallace died.

With everything the press was saying about her blaring from every news-stand in the Galaxy, she didn't blame him for staying away. She was Shepard, the slayer of innocent Batarians and traitor to humanity. Why would Kaidan want to be associated with her?

Anderson kept closed-mouthed about Kaidan as well, only letting her know that he was safe, and still working to prepare people for the eventual arrival of the Reapers. Nothing personal…she had finally just stopped asking. Shepard fought back the familiar rush of anger as she looked at the photo.

She hated herself for not be able to stop caring, as he obviously had. She wanted to take the photo and throw it against the wall, and rage and scream at the hand she had been dealt. Brought back from the dead to fight the Reapers…being on the verge of death trying to stop them invading the galaxy, only to rot for six months in this stupid room while the brass tried to swing it so she didn't look like the mass murderer she was.

She tore her gaze from the photo and looked over at the clock. Vega would be by soon to take her to the rehab center for her physical therapy. She loved sparring with the big marine. The first time they had 'danced' he had thought to go easy on her, most likely due to their not insignificant size difference.

His mistake. Shepard had wiped the floor with him, leaving him crying uncle and after that, their relationship evolved into the easy going banter and flirting they enjoyed now. She sighed, and put on her fatigues. She refused to wear so called 'work-out'clothes, preferring to wear her blue Alliance fatigues whenever possible.

She slapped a little make-up on, she couldn't afford to let the camera's catch her looking unkempt, or Hackett would give her hell. She had to look perfectly together at all times, lest the press go off on a tangent about her being a washed up has been that the Alliance had abandoned.

She had just finished with her mascara when the door opened with a swish, and Vega stepped through, giving her a salute.

"Commander."

She tutted him. "You're not supposed to call me that anymore, James." She was still technically not a Commander in the Alliance, not until the charges against her were formally dropped, which Anderson thought would be the end of the week.

"Not supposed to salute you either." He winked at her. _Cheeky bugger._

"We gotta go. The defense committee wants to see you." He said, his tone completely serious now as he gestured to the door.

 _The defense committee?_ "Huh, sounds serious." She said, wondering why they all of a sudden wanted to talk to her now.

She followed James into the crowded hallway, and noticed that her usual armed guards weren't flanking them.

"Where is everybody?" She asked him.

"Short notice, they were getting chow. Anderson said we couldn't wait."

Shepard smiled slightly. It was the first time in six months she had been out of that room with out someone with a gun walking behind her.

James was walking quickly, and Shepard broke into a light jog to keep up. "Alright James, what's going on?"

"Anderson didn't say. He just told me they needed me to bring you…Now. He's been behind closed doors with Hackett all morning."

Shepard felt a knot clench tight in her stomach. People in the hall were parting, clearing the path for someone striding towards them.

Anderson. The older man was in his dress blues, the new stripes on his shoulders proclaiming his status as Admiral glinting in the lights.

"Anderson." Shepard stated. Less formal than James' "Admiral."

She stuck out her hand, and Anderson gave it a warm shake, followed by another for Vega.

Anderson gestured at her to walk beside him as he turned to go back the way he just came from, as James fell in behind them.

"You look good Shepard. Maybe a little soft around the edges!" He teased. She automatically looked down at her waist and scowled at him. Stupid treadmills…they just weren't the same.

He chuckled and continued. "How have you been holding up? I know its been a long road since you've been relieved from duty, but we are almost through it now."

"Oh you know… It's not so bad once you get used to the hot food and soft beds." She joked, earning a grin for the usually taciturn older man.

Someone bumped into her in the hall, muttering an apology and they continued on. It was getting more and more crowded, and people were rushing by with data pads.

"What's going on? Why is everyone in such a hurry?"

"Admiral Hackett is mobilizing the fleet." Shepard faltered at his words. "I am guessing word had made it to Alliance Command…Something big is headed our way."

 _Holy fuck._ She stopped dead at the foot of the stairs, forcing Anderson to stop and look at her. "The Reapers?"

"We don't know, Shepard. Not for certain."

"C'mon Anderson! What else could it be?" James was looking at her with his mouth hanging open in shock. Apparently he didn't usually see subordinates 'pshawing' at Alliance Admirals very often.

"If I knew that…" Anderson trailed off, leaving her to interpret the rest.

"It's the Reapers. And we are _not_ ready for them! Not by a long shot."

Shepard was horrified. They had locked her up for months, moths! When she could have been helping them to prepare. She had hoped that by destroying the Alpha Relay she had bought them years…instead it had been months. Months they had wasted, trying to determine what her punishment for saving billions of lives should be.

Anderson gave her an odd look. "Tell that to the defense committee." He said, turning and resuming his path to the defense chambers.

"Unless we are planning to talk the Reapers to death, the defense committee is a waste of time!" She said, not bothering to lower her voice. Vega muttered "Dios mio!" and hunched his massive shoulders.

"C'mon Shepard. They are just scared. None of them have seen what you have seen. You've faced down a Reaper, hell, you spoke to one! Then blew the damn thing up!"

Shepard smirked a little at that…it had been one of her better moments.

Anderson continued. "You've seen how they harvest us, what they plan to do to us. You know more about this enemy than anyone, Shepard."

Bitterness swelled in her chest, and the words boiled out before she could stop them. "That why they grounded me? Took away my ship?"

Anderson stopped dead, and whirled to face her, one finger jabbing her in the chest. Vega backed away hastily, looking anywhere but at her. "That's bullshit and you know it Shepard! The shit you've done? Any other soldier would have been tried, court marshalled and discharged."

She ground her teeth, hating the fact that he was right. She knew how much he and Hackett had been fighting to stop the brass from doing exactly that. She gave him a tight nod; all Anderson was going to get in apology. He took it and continued.

"It's your knowledge of the Reapers that kept that from happening."

She sighed, and laid a hand on his shoulder. "That, and your good word." He smiled at her, and they continued forwards, Vega jogging back towards them, now that he knew Anderson wasn't going to give her a smack down.

"I trust you Shepard. And so does the committee, although, it took them longer to realise it."

She still didn't see why he was taking her to the defense committee instead of the war council.

"I'm just a solder Anderson, I'm no politician." She pleaded.

He laughed at her. "Neither am I Shepard, but look what happened to me! I just need you to do what you do best. Do whatever the hell it takes to help stop the Reapers."

They moved up the final flight of stairs and were at the security clearance for the defense committee. A young woman with a data pad stepped forward and saluted Anderson.

"They are expecting you two, Admiral." She turned and proceeded to lead them forward.

Anderson and the aid moved ahead to speak to a captain Shepard didn't recognize. Vega touched her arm, and she paused.

"Good luck in there Shepard." He shook her hand, and gave her a cheeky wink.

"Jeez Vega… I'll see you soon. Try not to get into too much trouble without me." She laughed.

"Oh you know me…I'm a saint." The marine grinned.

She rolled her eyes at him.

"Shepard." A husky voice said, and the smile on her face died. Vega looked over her shoulder curiously, then gave a salute.

Shepard turned around slowly, her heart in her throat at the sight of _him_ standing there with Anderson.

"Kaidan…" She said cautiously.

Her shoulders stiffened, and her legs felt like lead as she moved towards he and Anderson, her eyes locked on his face. He had put on some serious muscle. His back was ramrod straight, his hair slicked back off his face, with a dark stubble grazing his cheeks. His amber eyes were wary, but warm, as he looked at her, his eyes raking over her from head to toe.

She beat down the urge to throw herself at him and never let go.

"How did it go in there Major?" Kaidan tore his eyes away from hers and gave his attention back to Anderson.

"O.k, I think. It's hard to know. I am just waiting for orders now." He shrugged and returned his eyes to hers.

"Major?" She said softly.

He blushed, not enough for anyone to notice, unless they were very familiar with his face…as she was.

Anderson answered her query. "You hadn't heard? Shit, Shepard. I'm sorry."

She shook her head. "No…I hadn't. Congratulations." She offered.

Kaidan looked at her, his eyes apologetic. "I'm sorry Shepard. It's been…Well…"

He looked away, obviously trying to look anywhere but at her.

 _He was a Major now? And Anderson hadn't though to tell her? And_ Kaidan _hadn't thought to tell her._ She swallowed down the pain knifing her in the guts.

"It's ok. I'm just…glad I bumped into you, Kaidan." She cursed her traitorous heart for saying the words, wishing she could call them back. He looked shocked, then another expression crossed his face, but it was gone before she could recognize what it was.

"Yeah, me too." He said softly. His eyes searched her face, and hers, his. The air between them grew heavy.

"Admiral?" The aid returned, gesturing to the double doors behind her.

"C'mon." Anderson said, and nodded to Kaidan as he stepped forward toward the Defense Council.

Shepard cleared her throat and tore her eyes from Kaidan's face, following Anderson. As she drew abreast of him, Kaidan smiled at her. A soft, tender smile like he used to when they had stolen moments alone on the first Normandy. Before she could stop herself, she smiled back, then she was past him.

She beat down the inner version of herself that was howling at her to look back at him, to give him some sign of encouragement. With a ruthless stomp, she squashed the voice, and stepped before the Defense Committee.

They were in a huge room, with glass dominating the far wall, giving a spectacular view of Vancouver. The three committee members sat behind a large curving desk before the wall of glass.

"Admiral Anderson. Shepard." Said the youngest male committee member, nerves obvious in his voice.

Never one to beat around the bush, Shepard spoke up. "What's the situation?"

The oldest member was the one to speak this time. "Actually…we were hoping you would tell us."

She gaped at him in shock as an aid handed her a data pad. She looked at the numbers, a growing sense of dread building in her guts as the lone female committee member gave more details.

"The reports coming in are…unlike anything we've seen. Whole colonies have gone dark. We've lost contact with everything beyond the Sol Relay…" She trailed off, and the oldest committee member continued.

"Whatever this is… It is incomprehensibly powerful." His voice shook, and he was pale and sweating.

Shepards eyebrows drew together as six months of wasted time and rage built in her chest.

"You brought me here to confirm what you already know!" She spat. "The Reapers, are here."

Many of the aids in the room gasped, and more than one person shot a panicked glance at her, as though she were crazy. The members of the defense committee shared grim looks with one another, then shared a glance with Anderson, who nodded.

"Then…How do we stop them?" The woman asked weakly, her eyes begging Shepard to have the answers.

"Stop them?" Shepard repeated, disbelief at the woman's stupidity lacing her tone.

The fact that after all this time, all the evidence she had been trying to shove down their throats for years, and they still didn't grasp the fact that this was war on a scale they had never even _heard_ of before made bile rush into Shepards throat.

Resisting the urge to leap onto the dais and strangle them all for the fools they were, she tried to explain, one more time, what they were up against.

"This isn't about strategies, or tactics. This is about _survival_. The Reapers are more advanced then we are. More powerful, more intelligent." Shepard walked forward as she spoke, until she was right at the base of the desk.

She made eye contact with each member as she spoke. "They. Don't. Fear. Us."

One of the aids stood off to the side, white as a ghost, looking as though she was going to be sick.

"The Reapers will _never_ take pity on us." Shepard finished, driving the final nail in the coffin of denial they had built around themselves.

"But…There must be some way…" The female committee member said weakly.

Most of the people in the room were frozen, inching closer to Shepard and Anderson as though by their presence alone, they would find the answers they were so desperately looking for.

"There is." Shepard stated calmly. "Each of us has to be willing to die to save humanity." Gasps of shock echoed all around her. She looked around the room. "Anything less than that, and the Reapers have already won."

The oldest committee member was gaping at her in horror. "That's it? That's our plan!" His face was turning red, and Shepard knew he was going to scream his denial…that none of them really understood how it was going to be.

Before he had a chance, one of the aids called out to Anderson. "Admiral! We've lost contact with Luna base!"

 _And so it begins_ … Shepard closed her eyes and her fingers itched to hold a weapon.

"The moon?" Anderson explained, his brow furrowed into a deep frown. "They couldn't be that close already…" He trailed off.

"How did they get past our defenses?" The female committee member asked stupidly.

"Sir!" The aid called out again. "U.K Headquarters has a visual."

The blood in Shepards veins turned to ice as the massive screen began broadcasting that her worst fears had come to pass.

A lone marine stood in front of the camera screaming something they couldn't hear due to the static. Flames were billowing out from ruined buildings all around him, and Shepards heart began to pound as the familiar boom of a Reaper was heard in the background.

The signal from London went dead with a screech. Everyone in the room was instantly on their feet, staring at the screen in horror.

More images began to appear. All across Earth, at what looked like every major city, massive Reapers were landing. Red beams of destruction and death shot from the Reapers, tearing through whole city blocks, turning them to rubble. Snatches of video showing husks pouring from landed Reapers into the streets made Shepard feel nauseous.

The screen froze, showing a massive Harbinger class Reaper about to descend on what looked to be New York.

Anderson looked at Shepard, his face grey. "Why haven't we heard from Admiral Hackett?"

Shepard just shook her head at him.

"What do we do?" Asked a scared voice. The rage had faded from the oldest committee members face, and had been replaced with terror.

Shepard walked slowly up to the platform. "The only thing we can…We fight, or we die."

The Defense council sat behind their desk, horror and terror on their faces, unwilling to make a move, even now with the proof right before their eyes.

Anderson and Shepard shared a look. It was the kind of look that can only be shared by those who have gone through hell together. There were only three people in the galaxy that Shepard shared that with. Anderson, Garrus…and Kaidan. It was a look that said 'We need to get to the fucking Normandy. Now.'

The building around them gave a slight shudder underneath her feet, and Shepard looked towards the window in horror, as a familiar, haunting, boom resounded throughout the chamber. The council members rose from the desk on shaky legs and turned towards the massive wall of glass overlooking Vancouver.

"Oh my god…" the female council member said as the massive legs of a Reaper descended from the sky right in front of them.

"Move!" Shepard screamed as the red beam shot from the Reaper. She turned to run, and the room around her exploded.

She was blown backwards, crashing into a wall and bouncing off a bench to land flat on her back on the floor. The wind was knocked out of her, and, as she struggled to breathe, the screams of the people on fire filled the room. They were muted, as though underwater, and with the smoke and flames all around her, for a moment she was back on the Normandy; the air tearing from her lungs as she floated through flames and wreckage.

With a gasp, she sucked in a lungful of air, then another. Eyes watering, she raised a hand to her throbbing head, and it came away bloody.

"Shepard!" Came a voice through the fog, and she looked groggily around, her vision blurred.

"Shepard!" It came again, clearer. Anderson spotted her, and darted across the room, a gash in his cheek, and his arm blistered and burned. He reached down and pulled her to her feet.

"Shepard. Get up. Here take this." He pulled a pistol from behind his back, then bent down and took another off a dead guard by his feet. A quick glance around the room and she forced off the rest of the fog. A quick look around showed Shepard that no one else had made it.

Anderson moved to the door, but it was crushed and buried behind a mountain of rubble.

"We've got to get moving!" He said, heading towards the blown out window.

Anderson raised his comm. "This is Anderson. Report in. Anyone." Shepard did not have a comm, and could only hear Anderson's side of the conversation.

There was a moment of terse silence, then "Major Alenko, is that you?"

A gasp of relief escaped Shepard, and she clamped a hand forcibly on her pistol to stop herself from breaking down.

Kaidan was alive. He had been right on the other side of the door with James… God, she hoped James had made it out as well.

She barely suppressed her roiling emotions as she listened to Andersons one sided conversation.

"I can't raise the Normandy." Anderson continued with Kaidan. "You'll have to contact them…O.k… We will meet you at the landing zone…yes, Shepard is with me… Anderson out." He clicked off and looked at Shepard, his face grave and covered in ash and blood.

Shepard stood at the window, the horror of their situation hitting her fully, as she looked over Vancouver.

Debris from burning starships rained from the sky, while the massive Reapers landed and walked through buildings, their red beams obliterating anything in their path. There were bodies every where, and small gunships were desperately trying to do something, anything, to stop the behemoths invading them.

"C'mon, we need to keep moving." Anderson said softly, tearing his gaze away, and jumping from the ledge down to a balcony below.

The moved through a few balconies, jumping over fallen concrete slabs, then began to climb. After a few minutes they came across a dead marine, and Shepard took his comm, but it was damaged. She could only hear, not respond.

Anderson got Kaidan on the radio again.

"Major, do you read me? I am patching in Shepard."

"We are almost to the Normandy." Kaidan's voice filled Shepard's ear, and her heart leapt at the sound. He was panting, and she could hear gunfire all around him. "I've got Lt. Vega with me and we are taking heavy fire!"

 _Thank god…thank you._ Shepard thought.

"Husks!" Anderson screamed and cut the call. They were scaling the building in front of them, and Shepard didn't even hesitate before opening fire.

She and Anderson continued forward until they hit an old balcony. They both fired a few rounds at a cluster of husks… then both ran out of ammo. They moved forward and Shepard used all her strength to bash her pistol into a husks skull, killing it.

Anderson did the same, and they stood there, panting as they planned their next move. There was a deafening boom, and a red beam shot from the Reaper nearest to them. They barely made cover in time. The glass from the windows next to them blew outwards, showering them with glass.

Shepard stood, and stepped through a window cautiously. There were no bodies, and she couldn't see anyone.

She moved ahead, calling out to Anderson. She pried open the doors leading to the hall, and Anderson squeezed through, turning back to hold them for her. She got halfway through, when a noise behind her made her pause.

She ignored Anderson's whispered. "Shepard!" And turned back to investigate.

Her pistol held out in front of her, she moved back into the apartment. She could hear someone's terrified breathing and whimpering, and crouched down to investigate a large vent.

A young boy was crouched inside, his blond air covered in ash, making is blue eyes appear startlingly bright in the dimness. For a moment, it was Lily looking up at her, her cornflower blue eyes begging Shepard to save her… then he was the boy again.

"Hey…It's ok." She said softly, dropping the pistol and gesturing unthreateningly with her hands out. The boy backed away farther, his eyes glassy with terror.

"Everyone is dying!" He whispered, tears pouring down his face. They left gray streaks through the ash, and Shepard just wanted to hold him, and wipe them away.

"Shhh… It's ok. I can help you." She whispered back. The building gave a shudder and he gasped, backing deeper into the vent until he was at the corner junction. "I need to get you someplace safe." She held her hand out to him., knowing he could bolt.

"Take my hand…" She whispered, giving him a soft smile.

He shook his head. "You can't help me…"

"Shepard! In here!" Anderson yelled, and she jumped, and whipped her head around to look at him. She looked back to the vent, ready to haul the boy out by force, but he was gone.

She half crawled in, but she was too large. She couldn't hear him. She cursed softly, and as the building shuddered again, she squeezed through the door to meet up with Anderson, giving a last look at the apartment for the boy.

Anderson had moved through the hall, but needed her help to shift the debris. Half of the hallway had collapsed, and it was a tight squeeze to get through.

"Anderson…" She started, planning to tell him about the boy, but was cut off.

"This is a god-damn mess!" He cursed, squeezing between a concrete slab and some rebar. "Every minutes these machines are here, thousands of innocent people die!" He made it through, tearing his dress blues into tatters. "I wont be responsible!" He hissed.

Shepard frowned at him as she followed his path through the rubble. "You're not responsible for the ones who die, Anderson. We fight for the ones left standing when its all over. The ones who have a future."

He wiped his brow. "Yeah… maybe your right. They hit so fast, I though we'd have more time."

They moved back and forth with each other, trading places as they held up rubble so the other could get through.

"We knew they were coming." Shepard puffed, holding up a metal beam so the larger man could squeeze underneath.

With a curse, Anderson popped free. "And they still just cut through our defenses!" He turned and looked at her, his face deadly serious. "We need to go to the Citadel. Talk to the Council."

Shepard looked at him in shock. "The Citadel? The fight is here, Anderson." _How could he possibly think to leave, while their world was burning around them?_

"It'll be everywhere soon enough. You said it yourself, Shepard. The Reapers will destroy everything if we don't stop them. The Council has to help us."

They made it through the last of the rubble, and emerged on a very narrow ledge several stories up. They would have to inch their way across to keep moving towards the Normandy.

Shepard gritted her teeth and began the slow sideways shuffle. "You sure about that?" She asked skeptically. The council didn't have a great history of backing them up when the Alliance said shit was hitting the fan.

Cough*Saren*Cough.

"No… But you're a council Spectre, Shepard. That has to count for something." He grinned.

She scoffed at him, and the building gave a massive shudder. Shepard's foot slipped and she pitched forward.

"Gotcha!" Anderson said, hauling her in by the back of her shirt until she was upright.

"Thanks…" She said, eyeing the un-survivable fall she had just avoided. "I owe you one, Anderson."

"Hah! More than one, Shepard." The older man teased as they made it off the narrow ledge onto another balcony.

They began the descent down in silence, until they came into view of the harbour and spaceport.

"Major Alenko, we are in view of the spaceport. ETA three minutes." Anderson said into the comm.

Kaidan's reply was frantic and loud in her ear. "This is the Normandy; we are taking heavy fire…My god… They are going to take down the dreadnaught! Joker! Evasive manoeuvers!"

Shepard looked up, and watched in horror as the Reaper sent a massive beam towards an Alliance dreadnaught in above them. It was a direct hit, but even crippled, the dreadnaught returned fire. She searched the sky, but couldn't see the Normandy through all the smoke and debris. Kaidan had sounded frantic…things had to be bad up there.

'Major Alenko, do you read? Major Alenko? Kaidan? Damn it!" Anderson yelled. "They are in trouble!"

The Reaper fired again, and this time the dreadnaught seemed to swell. Then it exploded. Shepard braced herself, but the shockwave slammed into her, and the walkway she was standing on collapsed.

"Shepard!" She heard Anderson scream, then she was rolling and tumbling down in a cloud of dust, towards the ocean. The walkway fell on an angle, supported by a downed starship. By the time Shepard crashed into the ground at the bottom, she was jarred and bruised as hell.

She lay totally still for a moment, then tentatively wiggled her arms and legs. Her weak leg trembled, but moved. Thankfully, nothing seemed broken. There was a crash, and Anderson fell with a thud beside her.

"Damn! I thought I could climb down, but the bloody ladder broke!" He groaned.

She just grunted at him, and got to her feet.

"Normandy? Do you read me? We are going to re-route. Do you read?" Anderson tried again.

Shepard's heart lurched in relief as Kaidan's voice crackled over the comm. They couldn't understand him over the static, but to just to _hear_ him answer made Shepard's urge fight return with a vengeance. She and Anderson took off jogging again, and continued forward until they reached a downed Alliance gunship.

There were a few wounded marines that had survived the crash. Shepard and Anderson made sure they were stable and then checked around for supplies.

There was a satellite radio, apparently undamaged, laying off to one side. Anderson immediately moved to it, while Shepard took an assault rifle off a dead marine, swallowing down her rage at the senseless death.

"Normandy, this is Anderson. Do you read?"

"Admiral. What's your location?"

Shepard grinned at Kaidan's voice. It rang with authority this time. He sounded tired, but unhurt. Anderson shared a fierce grin with her.

"We are by a downed gunship in the harbour. I am activating its distress beacon. Send support, we've got wounded down here."

There's was a terrible squeal and the line cut out. Shepard and Anderson shared a worried glance.

"Damn it." He said softly.

"Let's hope that beacon does its job." Shepard muttered.

The words had barely left her mouth when an explosion went off behind them, and a wave of Cannibals appeared.

"Anderson, stay with them!" Shepard yelled, pointing at the injured marines. She leapt over some rubble to take cover closer to the shambling creatures. Round after round she put into the grotesque mutated Batarian husks, trying to get them before they could scavenge armour from the ones she had already put down.

"Shepard! I am out of ammo!" Anderson shouted, and she hesitated, looking down at her clips. She was down to two. She threw one to him, and jammed the other into her assault rifle.

She would take as many of these fuckers down with her as she could manage. "C'mon Joker…" She muttered, praying the Normandy would be able to find them…and that there still _was_ a Normandy.

She fired her last round, and activated her omni-blade. She took a few deep breath's and refused to look back at Anderson, who was calling her name warningly. She stood, preparing to vault over her cover and rush the closest Cannibal, when it was blown away by gunfire from above.

"The cavalry has arrived!" Joker crowed in her ear as the Normandy swooped low overhead.

She whooped, and swung around to follow it through the sky. Her heart swelled in her chest at the sight of the beautiful ship lowering itself down to pick them up. It had been six long months, and she was just as beautiful as ever.

There was a huge rise lead upwards from the water, and she started running up it. "Let's go!" She called to Anderson, who followed her.

She reached the top of the rise, and the Normandy's ramp began to lower. Kaidan and James moved down to the edge, holding assault rifles and motioning her to jump aboard. She leapt, a huge effort in her exhausted state. She landed hard, her weak leg giving out, causing her to stumble into Kaidan.

He reached out an arm to steady her. "Welcome aboard, Shepard." His biotics flared, only slightly, against the bare skin of her arm. Shepard's stomach clenched. The last time she had felt Kaidan's biotics had been the night before Ilos…His amber eyes raked her face, and for a moment she could have sworn he was going to embrace her.

"Shepard!" He called. The Admiral paused at the top of the ramp, and Shepard turned to face him, breaking the moment.

"C'mon!" She said, as an Alliance shuttle landed behind him, and marines began to pour out to help the wounded crew of the gunship. Anderson's gaze swung to follow it, and he had a resigned, determined look on his face as he turned back to her.

"I'm not going."

She tried to find words, something to say to argue. He seemed to know it and gave her a tired grin.

"You saw those men back there. There are a million more like them, and they need a leader."

She shook her head at him. "We are in this fight together, Anderson."

He gave her a hard look. "It's a fight we can't win, Shepard. Not without help. We need _every_ species, and all their ships to even have a chance at defeating the Reapers."

She knew what he was going to say and shook her head in denial. She was no politician.

"Go to the Council." He urged. "Convince them to help us."

James was looking back and forth between them, his mouth open. Shepard could feel Kaidan's gaze burning into her back. She stepped forward, right to the edge of the ramp.

"What if they wont listen?" She said, hating the tremor in her voice at the thought of leaving him here, while Earth burned and she escaped.

He grinned at her. "Then do what you do best, Jane. _Make_ them listen."

She held the older mans gaze, all the things she wanted to say rolling through her mind. But her throat was tight and she wasn't able to get the words out. Anderson seemed to understand.

"Now go, Shepard. That's an order." His voice was soft, but there was steel underneath.

She smirked at him, the gesture automatic after years of banter and teasing. "I don't take orders form you anymore, remember!"

He reached into his pocket and tossing something at her. Years of training had honed her reflexes and she snatched it out of the air without even thinking about it.

"Consider yourself re-instated…Commander." He called. She looked down at the dog tags in her hand. Her face grew warm, and she blinked away the hot tears in her eyes. She hadn't had a set of dog tags since the Normandy went down. Liara had kept the originals…framing them after Shepard's death. She clenched them tight in her hand, hearing Kaidan's soft intake of breath behind her at the sight of them.

"You know what you have to do." Anderson took several steps back.

"I'll be back for you…and I'll bring every fleet I can." He nodded at her. "Good luck."

The tags cut into her palms as she squeezed them in her nerveless fingers.

"You too, Shepard." Another shuttle of Marine's landed behind Anderson, and he turned to meet them.

She backed up the ramp until she was next to Kaidan. She moved her head slightly and met his gaze, his eyes giving her the strength she needed to face leaving earth, and Anderson behind.

The Normandy's engines powered up, and they began to lift away. Shepard watched Anderson turn and jog down the ramp, helping the injured onto shuttles.

A few hundred yards away, more shuttles landed and several civilians ran out of a partially ruined building, calling for help. Marine's jumped down and began helping them into the shuttles, assaults rifles going constantly to keep the husks at bay.

Shepard moved, rushing to the edge of the docking platform with a gasp, ignoring Kaidan's hold on her arm to stabilize her as her leg wobbled under her.

The boy from the vent ran from behind some debris, his hands held over his ears against the noise.

The marines were firing at the husks, and didn't see him as he crawled into the shuttle, almost too small to make it by himself. Shepard strained against Kaidan's grip, willing the marines to hurry, to get out of there.

There was a deafening boom, and a Reaper turned to face them. As though it was happening in slow motion, Shepard watched the red beam target the ground and annihilate one of the shuttles. The boy seemed to pause in the doorway of the other shuttle, and look directly at her. Her heart in her throat, Shepard watched as the door closed; hiding him from her view as it lifted off. It rose, and had drawn almost level with the Normandy when the beam from the Reaper fired again.

The shuttle exploded, rocking Shepard backwards into Kaidan. She sank to her knees, Kaidan a silent, horrified presence behind her. She watched, as the debris from the ruined shuttle rained into the ocean.

Watched, as her planet burned.


	37. Chapter 37

**Authors Note: I had to put Kaidan's point of view in here as well!**

 **We have got some emotional highs and lows coming in the next few chapters, so i hope you all enjoy how I write them! Thank you so much to my Guest reviewer of the last Chapter, I am glad you liked it :)**

 **Enjoy!**

 **Chapter 37**

Kaidan sipped his coffee, hissing a little as it burned his tongue. He was briefing the defence committee today about Shepard. It seemed after six months of he, Hackett and Anderson showing them the documents and vid-feeds of Shepard working to take down the Collectors, and using Cerberus resources but not sticking to their agenda, they were ready to admit that Shepard was _not_ a terrorist.

The last six months had been a roller coaster of emotions for Kaidan. The look on Shepard's face when she had seen him the crowd after the Normandy docked had made his heart leap in his chest. The transition to the terror that he was about to watch her be assassinated before his eyes still woke him up, sweating, at night.

The last he had seen of her, she had been carried off, covered in Wallace's blood, by James Vega.

Kaidan frowned. He had liked Wallace… The big marine had been the instigator of the first night he and Shepard had kissed. He would have never made a move without the Big mans nudge and wink. He knew it must have killed Shepard to miss the funeral, but Hackett had thought it wasn't safe for her to attend.

He put down the coffee, and rolled his shoulders loose. Damn Hackett. The man had pulled Kaidan's security clearance when it came to Shepard. He wasn't allowed to see, or communicate with her in anyway. Said it could impact the case if they looked to be 'too familiar' with one another.

Kaidan hated it. He knew what Shepard must think of him. After everything that they had both been through in the last year, including her almost dying…again, he had made no attempts to contact he, from her point of view.

Of course she would want nothing to do with him.

His omni-tool buzzed, and he brought up a message from Hackett.

His skin crawled as he read it. Two of the Alliance's deep space outposts had gone dark. No-one could raise them on the comms.

Hackett was requesting he brief the defense council immediately. Anderson was going to bring, and brief Shepard.

He didn't bother to change into dress blues. If this was what he thought it was, there was not going to be time for formality.

The committee members had been briefed by Hackett. They were wary, but Kaidan could see that the reality of the situation hadn't sunk in for them yet. He told them they needed to do whatever Shepard told them to do, that she was their best shot at getting Humanity, and the rest of the Galaxy through this.

He was dismissed, and headed out of the chamber feeling as though he had just run into a brick wall.

He racked a hand through his hair, and looked up to see Anderson walking towards him.

"Anderson." He nodded, surprised to see the Admiral here already. He looked past Anderson's shoulder and saw James Vega and…

"Shepard." He hadn't meant to call out to her, but the shock of seeing her, of being so close, had let her name just slip out of his mouth.

Her shoulders straightened as her back went ramrod straight. Vega looked over at him and saluted, which he returned with a nod.

Shepard pivoted, and then he was lost in her beautiful green eyes. She moved slowly towards him, and Kaidan just drank in her presence.

She was so beautiful, it made his heart ache. He threw his walls up, making sure he had steeled himself in case she told him to rot in hell.

"Kaidan…" Her voice was soft, more hesitant than he was used to hearing. His heart was thumping in his chest, and he started when Anderson spoke up again.

"How did it go in there, Major?"

Forcing himself to drag his eyes from Shepards, Kaidan shrugged. "O.k, I think. It's hard to know. I am just waiting for orders now."

He saw confusion, and hurt flash across Shepards face.

"Major?" She asked softly.

 _What the hell? No one had told her?_ His eyes darted to Anderson, who looked appalled.

"You hadn't heard? Shit, Shepard. I'm sorry." Anderson hastily apologised, but the hurt stayed behind her eyes, although she smiled at Kaidan anyhow.

He felt like the worst kind of asshole.

"No, I hadn't heard…Congratulations." She offered him.

He rubbed a hand across the back of his neck, feeling lower than pond scum. "I'm sorry, Shepard. It's been…Well…" He trailed off awkwardly. How could she be giving _him_ a sympathetic look? He, who for all she knew hadn't contacted her by his own choice. If Anderson had forgotten to tell her about him becoming a Major, Hackett probably never told her he ordered Kaidan not to contact her.

He tore his gaze away from hers, unable to look at her while he felt so awful.

"It's ok. I'm just…glad I bumped into you, Kaidan." He swallowed hard, and darted his gaze back to hers. She was smiling at him…a real, genuine smile. He was shocked, then hope flared bright within him.

"Yeah, me too." He said softly, and as he looked into her eyes, and her into his, the air between them became thick with tension.

The moment was broken when an aid stepped up to them and told Anderson that the committee was ready for them. Anderson nodded at him, and moved past.

Shepard followed, looking at Kaidan from the corner of her eye as she reached his side. He smiled at her, hoping it would convey all he felt, and didn't have time right now to tell her. She smiled back, the glorious smiled he remembered from the night before Ilos, then she was past him.

He watched her walk away, mesmerized by her swaying hips. Vegas moved up beside him, a speculative look on his face.

"You know the Commander?"

Shepard's back disappeared behind the double doors. "I used to." He muttered.

Vega looked at him questioningly, obviously wanting to ask more, but not comfortable questioning a superior officer.

Kaidan gave the big marine another once over. He was good looking, incredibly fit, and had been with Shepard day in, day out for the last six months. He knew from Anderson that the burly marine had a bit of a hero worship crush on Shepard.

He sighed, and waved Vega over to a bank of seats. They may as well wait for Anderson and Shepard to return together, since he needed to go over a few things with the Admiral anyhow.

He and Vega sat in slightly awkward silence for a few moments, then Vega cleared his throat and said. 'So, have you and Shepard…er, the Commander, served together before?"

Kaidan nodded, putting his hands on his knees. "Yeah, we were on the first Normandy together. I was her Head of Marine Detail. It was while I was still a lieutenant."

Vega's jaw dropped. "No way? You went up against Saren with her? Damn Ese, that must have been something to see."

Kaidan couldn't help but smile slightly at the younger man's enthusiasm. "Yeah, it was a pretty crazy run. You know we went through the conduit in a Mako? Shepard just drove right over a geth colossus, like it was a twig. I though Garrus was going to puke." He chuckled in memory.

"Garrus Vakarian right? Damn, you guys had quite the crew. He sent Shepard some scary ass flowers after…Wallace died. It was the only thing Anderson let through."

The smile died on Kaidan's face. He remembered watching the feeds from the Collector base…remembered realising that Garrus' feelings for Shepard had developed into something much stronger than friendship.

He remembered that he had no idea if Shepard and Garrus were…together.

Vega was looking at him in confusion.

Kaidan fought the sour look off his face, and cleared his throat. "So, how is she doing, really? I heard she was in pretty rough shape when she landed."

Vega let out a low whistle. "Yeah… she had been shot up pretty bad, four bullet wounds, and her leg had a narrow escape from being blown off by a grenade. She has been working hard though…beat my ass _down_ when we sparred the first time, and that was only 3 weeks after landing."

The marine had a wistful expression on his face, and Kaidan could imagine how it would feel to go toe to toe with a legend, and have it play exactly as you would expect.

"Yeah, Shepard never was one to pull her punches." He muttered.

"If you and the Commander were so tight, why didn't you swing by? I'm sure you had the pull." Vega asked, nodding a head to the new stripes on Kaidan's fatigues.

Kaidan sighed. "That… is seriously fucking complicated, Vega."

The door to the committee chamber opened and an aid rushed out, gesturing frantically. A cluster of Tech's rushed in, and the door closed once more.

Kaidan got slowly to his feet. Something was happening.

"Benitez! Get Lt. Vega and I our weapons." Kaidan barked. The guard manning the weapons locker jumped, and immediately unlocked it, tossing Kaidan and James each a rifle and a pistol. James tossed the pistol back, and said "If shit is gonna go down, I need a shotgun amigo."

The building shuddered underneath their feet, and Kaidan looked nervously at the defense chamber.

He began to walk cautiously towards the doors.

"Move!" He heard Shepard bellow as he drew close, followed by screaming, then he was blown off his feet, crashing into Vega as the world erupted around them.

It was black all around, and there was a choking dust clogging his lungs. He coughed and hacked, trying to suck in a lungful of clean air.

He was blinded by bright light as the ruined wall he was buried under was wrenched off of him.

Vega reached down a hand and pulled Kaidan to his feet. The both immediately moved to the council doors. They were buried under a mountain of rubble, and there were no sounds coming from the chamber.

The two men shared a worried glance. "If Shepard made it out, they will head for the Normandy. Let's move." Kaidan ordered.

Kaidan shouldered his assault rifle, and began to move down the stairs, panicked aids crying and rushing to get outside slowing them down.

The comm in his ear crackled wildly, then "This is Anderson. Report in. Anyone."

 _Thank god!_ "Anderson this is Alenko! What's your situation?"

"I can't raise the Normandy. You'll have to contact them."

"I'm on my way there now, I will try get them on the comm."

"Ok. We will meet you at the landing zone."

 _We?_ "Is Shepard ok? Is she with you?" His heart was in his throat.

"Yes, Shepard is with me."

Kaidan's breath left his lungs in a whoosh. He and Vega shared a fierce grin. "Good. We will see you soon."

"Anderson out."

Kaidan and James began a ground eating Military jog out of the compound, moving through rubble to find a clear route to the spaceport. The jogged for about five minutes in silence, reaching the gate to the spaceport, then had to dive for cover as a group of husks rounded the bend in front of them.

They worked well together, Kaidan using his assault rifle and biotics on the ones farther away, while Vega annihilated any that got close with the shotgun.

"Major, do you read me? I am patching in Shepard." Anderson's voice called through the comm.

Kaidan fired another couple rounds, then stared in horror at the mutated Batarian shambling around the corner. He threw out a stasis, knowing it would only hold for moments.

"We are almost to the Normandy. I've got Lt. Vega with me and we are taking heavy fire."

James cursed and ducked as the nearest cannibal fired a round that took a huge chunk out of the concrete slab he was crouching behind.

"Husks!" Anderson screamed in his ear and there was a barrage of pistol shots, then the transmission went dead.

Kaidan and Vega took out the last Cannibal, then began running for the Normandy once more.

The rounded the last bend, and there she was. The Normandy SR-2 was larger than the original, but just as beautiful. Amid the chaos surrounding her, she gleamed in the sun like a beacon of hope. Kaidan found another gear and hauled ass to the airlock.

It was locked. He pounded on it furiously. "Normandy! This is Major Kaidan Alenko. I am with Lt. Vega, let me in!"

The lock dis-engaged, and the airlock opened to reveal Joker, with a pistol leveled at Kaidan's face.

"Where's Shepard!" The pilot snarled.

Vega stepped up, and placed a hand on the barrel, making the pilot lower it. "Cool it Pendejo! She is with Anderson. We need to get this bird ready to fly!"

Joker glared at Kaidan, then turned and hobbled back onto the bridge.

Joker was muttering under his breath, talking to the ships V.I like it was a person.

"I know EDI! Just get us in the air, hack the docking clamps if you have to!"

The Normandy began to rise in the air, then Kaidan was flat on his ass as Joker hauled her into a spin to avoid the beam from the Reaper that just landed in the harbour.

Alliance gunships were darting here and there, peppering the massive ships and trying to avoid being blown out of the sky. The Normandy continued to rise until she was abreast a huge Alliance dreadnaught.

Anderson came back through the comms, panting hard. "Major Alenko we are in view of the spaceport. ETA three minutes."

Joker swore, and the bridge of the Normandy glowed red as they were targeted by the Reaper.

"This is the Normandy; we are taking heavy fire…" He looked out the window in horror. The massive Dreadnaught was too slow to turn, and was directly in the line of fire for the Reaper. He forgot to turn off the comm.

"My god… They are going to target the Dreadnaught! Joker! Evasive manoeuvers!" The pilot frantically pushed controls, and the Normandy sheared into an impossible turn, falling behind the dreadnaught as it took a direct hit.

They could only watch in horror as the crippled ship fired round after round at the Reaper, valiantly trying to buy the other ships time to escape.

Joker pushed the Normandy to her limits, shooting into the sky like a dart as the dreadnaught exploded brilliantly. The shockwave rocked the ship hard, and alarms started blaring.

"EDI, take care of that!" Joker snapped.

The massive dreadnaught was plunging from the sky into the harbour…no escape pods had discharged.

His comm crackled in his ear. "-ndy…me? … route…read?"

He swore and shared a look with James. "Joker? Can the V.I clean this up?"

Joker snorted at him. "EDI?"

"Right away Jeff." Kaidan looked at the blue orb in shock. He had never heard one programed to use casual names like that.

They continued to dart through the sky, helping the gunships whenever possible while avoiding the killing beams fired from the Reapers.

"The line is clear." The V.I said.

"Normandy. This is Anderson. Do you read?"

Kaidan grinned at Joker and James clamped him on the back. "Admiral. What's your location?"

"We are by a downed gunship in the harbour. I am activating its distress beacon. Send support, we've got wounded down here."

Kaidan still hadn't heard from Shepard. He hoped it was just a damaged comm, and not an injury that was keeping her silent. There was a screech in his ear, and the line dropped out.

"The Reaper is causing interference with the systems." The V.I stated.

"Got it!" Joker cried, and the distress beacon showing them where Shepard and Anderson were appeared on the screen. They were only minutes away.

Kaidan had forgotten how talented Joker was. The pilot made the ship dance as they darted through flaming debris raining from the sky, and dodged enemy fire.

"Get to the hanger bay, I'll lower the ramp." Joker ordered, and Kaidan and James left without another word.

"The cavalry has arrived!" The pilot yelled through the ship wide speakers and Kaidan felt the Normandy shudder as the canon's fired. The ramp began to lower, and bright sun and air rushed over him. His vision cleared and he saw Shepard, filthy and bloody, standing at the top of a massive ramp.

He and Vega rushed to the edge and motioned for her to jump aboard. She leapt, an impressive jump, and he lowered the assault rifle to catch her. She landed the jump, then staggered as her leg gave out. He locked a hand on her upper arm, and as soon as his bare skin touched hers, he flared.

He clamped down on his biotics immediately, and let his eyes drink in her face. She looked exhausted, and exhilarated at the same time. She smelled like blood and sweat and gun oil. He wanted to pull her tight against him and never let her go.

"Shepard!" Anderson called, and she turned to look at the Admiral, breaking Kaidan's gaze.

"C'mon!" She called to the older man. Kaidan saw the look in the older mans face and looked at Shepard. She would _not_ be okay with this.

"I'm not going. You saw those men back there… There are a million more like them, and they need a leader."

She shook her head, tension radiating through her skin to prickle against his palm. "We are in this fight together, Anderson." She pleaded.

Anderson flicked his gaze to Kaidan. He knew the Admiral was telling him to watch out for her…to help her see it through. Kaidan gave Anderson a small nod. The Admiral returned his gaze to Shepard.

"It's a fight we can't win Shepard. Not without help. We need _every_ species, and all their ships to even have a chance at defeating the Reapers…" She strained against Kaidan's hand, denial stamped across her face as Anderson continued. "Go to the Council. Convince them to help us."

She stepped forward, and Kaidan released her arm. She wouldn't leave the Normandy now… and she deserved to say good bye. He shadowed her silently, in case her leg gave out again.

His heart ached at the fear, and self-doubt in her voice as she asked. "What if they wont listen?"

The older man grinned at her, his eyes lit up with the belief she wouldn't fail. "Then do what you do best, Jane. _Make_ them listen." Shepard made a soft sound…almost like a sob. "Now go, Shepard. That's an order."

Her voice was thick with emotion, and Kaidan felt his own chest tighten at the thought that they were going to leave Anderson behind.

"I don't take orders from you anymore, remember?"

Anderson reached into his pocket and tossed something to her. She snatched it out of the air.

"Consider yourself re-instated… Commander." She opened her fingers, and in her palm lay her dog tags.

He sucked in a breath at the sight. The memory of tugging on Shepards dog tags until her lips met his own tore through Kaidan's mind. He knew they weren't the originals…but to career soldier's like he and Shepard, the tags were as much a part of you as your hair or your teeth.

They helped make you who you were.

"You know what you have to do." Anderson called, backing away from the Normandy.

Shepard took one more step forward, her back straight… looking every inch the soldier he remembered her to be. "I'll be back for you…and I'll bring every fleet I can. Good Luck." She called.

Anderson nodded. "You too, Shepard."

Shepard began backing away as a shuttle full of Alliance marines landed by the injured soldiers Shepard had just left. Once she was next to him, she turned her head enough to meet his eyes.

Kaidan poured everything he had into that gaze, trying to say, without words, that she could lean on him…That together, they would get through this and go back for Anderson. More shuttles landed, and Shepard pulled her eyes from his to look as a group of civilians rushed from ruined buildings for help.

She made a soft sound, and darted forward. Kaidan was startled and leapt to follow her, not understanding what had made her so worried. He placed a hand on her arm and said her name, but she didn't respond, her eyes locked on the civilians below.

She strained against his grip, her face a mask of horror as a massive Reaper turned its attention on the group below. One of the shuttles was annihilated under the red beam, as the other began to rise into the sky. Shepard's eyes were locked to it, her entire body screaming for it to make it out.

Kaidan didn't understand, was someone on the shuttle that she knew?

He never had the chance to ask. As it grew level with the Normandy, the Reapers beam found it, and the shuttle exploded brilliantly.

Shepard was rocked by the shockwave, and crashed into Kaidan's chest. He held on to her shoulders as she sank to the ground, watching the debris rain into the ocean.

He held her in his arms, as the Normandy flew higher and the ramp began to close. Kaidan watched his home town grow smaller, and smaller…as the flames of destruction burned bright.

00oo00oo00oo

Shepard pushed herself to her feet, numb and drained. Kaidan released her, his hand trailing down her arm as she stepped away.

"Shepard…" He began, his voice full of sympathy. Shepard couldn't take sympathy right now; it would break her.

"I need to check my gear. You should check the armoury and see if there is anything that will fit you." She spat, turning away from him without another glance.

As she moved into the elevator, the first sob took her. She howled with rage, and pummelled the wall of the elevator with her fists. That boy could have been spared. They _all_ could have been spared, if only they had listened to her.

The tears dried in her eyes as Shepard let her sorrow be replaced with rage. One by one, she locked her defenses into place.

When she emerged from the elevator on the CIC floor, she was every inch the woman most of the people in the galaxy feared. The only sign that she had cracked was the crumpled metal wall in the elevator, and her bleeding knuckles.

She set the Normandy's clearance's to her id and took the elevator back down to the cargo hold. It opened to reveal a thoroughly pissed off James Vega.

The huge Marine stood glaring at her, his massive arms folded across his muscled chest.

"What the _fuck_ , Shepard." He hissed.

She brushed past him, hoping to hell that Joker had kept her N7 armour stashed here like she had ordered.

She strode down the hall, and could see Kaidan reviewing the array of guns in the weapons locker.

"What the hell is going on Shepard! Why didn't Anderson get on? Where are we going?" Vega yelled.

She ground her teeth, and continued to move forward.

"Hey!" Vega yelled after her, and she shot him a look over her shoulder that froze him in his tracks.

"We're leaving." She spat.

Kaidan slowly put down the gun he was holding, as Vega's face filled with disbelief.

"Leaving!?"

Kaidan took a couple steps forward, his posture wary.

"Shepard…what's going on?" Kaidan asked.

Shepard took a deep breath, and looked at him calmly. "Anderson wants us to go the Citadel, to get help for the fight…so that's what we are going to do."

She turned, and punched a series of commands into the console, and a locker sprang open to reveal her N7 armour, and spectre weapons. _Thank you, Joker._

"Bullshit!" Vega cried, and Shepard turned slowly to look at him. "Anderson wouldn't order us to leave!"

"Are you suddenly fucking deaf, lieutenant? Were you not standing on the loading ramp when he said it? That is exactly what he ordered. We don't have a choice. Without help, this war is already over."

Kaidan took a few steps closer, and she knew he was concerned about Vega's temper.

The huge marine seemed to swell with rage. "Forget it! Drop me off someplace, cause I-"

She fisted her hand in his shirt and hauled him right into her face. "Enough! Don't you think I want to stay and fight!" She screamed, and for only a moment, the mask cracked, and all the pain, and shame and guilt flooded her face. Then she ruthlessly shoved the emotions back behind the walls.

She released a shocked Vega, and straightened her fatigues. "We are going to the Citadel. You want out? You can get a ride from there."

The big marine flung at hand out at her and turned away in disgust. The console next to her lit up, brilliant orange lighting the dim hold.

"Commander!" Called a very familiar voice.

"Joker? That you?"

"Alive and kicking!" the pilot quipped, and a real smile bloomed on Shepards lips. "I've got an emergency transmission from Admiral Hackett for you."

James froze and turned back. He and Kaidan approached the terminal to listen.

"Patch it through.' She ordered.

A grainy image of Hackett appeared in the console's vid screen, it cut in and out, but she could hear him.

"Shepard. We've sustained heavy losses. The enemy force was overwhelming. There is no way we can defeat them conventionally."

Behind her, James sucked in a breath. Kaidan's gaze hardened as Shepard briefed the Admiral.

"Anderson has already ordered me to the Citadel, to talk to the council."

"I need this line secured Shepard. This is high level clearance only."

She nodded and punched a few commands into the terminal. James and Kaidan could still see Hackett, but his voice came only through her earpiece.

"Done."

Hackett nodded. "Good, but first I need you to go to the Alliance outpost on Mars, before we lose control of the system."

Shepard came to attention, and saluted. "Yes sir."

"We've been researching the Prothean archives with Dr. T'soni. We may have found a way to stop the Reapers… the _only_ way to stop them. I'll be in contact soon. Hackett out."

The feed cut out, and Shepards mind whirled. _Liara - the shadow broker- was working with the Alliance on something that could potentially stop the Reapers?_

 _Holy. Shit._ "Joker. Set a course for the Mars archives."

"Mars?" The pilots voice was confused. "Roger that."

Shepard hit a button, and one of the Normandy's shuttles began to descend to the bay for flight preparation.

James and Kaidan looked at each other as she stepped forward to inspect the shuttle.

"This is loco!" Vega hissed at Kaidan.

Kaidan waved him to silence. "Why Mars? What does Hackett think we will find there?"

Shepard jammed a clip in her pistol, and began stripping off her clothes to get into her under armour. "I don't know…yet. But if it helps us win this war…"

She shrugged. She bent to grab her under armour from the weapons bench and hissed at the pain in her ribs. Cursing under her breath, she stepped into her bottoms.

Kaidan laid a hand on her bare shoulder, and she straightened as though he had jabbed her with a hot poker.

He raised his hands defensively as she whirled to face him. "Whoa Shepard. You need to let me look at your injuries before suiting up." He gestured to her back and head.

Stopping, and allowing herself to perform a mental assessment of her state, made the pain she had locked behind her walls roar to life. The air hissed out through her teeth in frustration as she realised Kaidan was right.

Her hair was bloody and matted to her head, and there was a massive bruise stretching from her left hip up her ribs. Her right shoulder was swollen and bruising as well.

Tumbling two or three stories without armour had really kicked her ass.

"Fine. But make it quick. We still need to find you a suit that fits." She stood still as he scanned her, unable to keep her eyes off his face as he worked. Kaidan's brows furrowed as he scanned the results.

Muttering under his breath, he got a sanitary wipe and began cleaning the blood off her neck, and trying to see how bad the gash on her scalp was.

Kaidan's breath was warm on her neck, and between the feel of the cool cloth and the tingling caused by his skin against hers, Shepard broke out into goose bumps. His fingers threaded into her hair, searching for the wound. The tingle grew, and Shepard guessed that he too was reacting to the feel of their skin to skin contact, causing his biotics to rush to the tips of his fingers.

"Shepard…" He murmured next to her ear, and she involuntarily shivered.

"Mmm?" She didn't trust her self to speak.

"This should really have stiches."

She turned her head to see him frowning at the back of her scalp. She flushed pink. Here she was, tingly and wishing they had time to figure themselves out so she could pour herself into his arms, and he was in full field medic mode.

She gave herself a hard mental slap.

"Oh. No time now. Glue it shut."

"Shepard, I don't think you want to do that. Let me tape it and medi-gel it, then we can check it again once we are done on Mars. Stay still for a moment while I apply the medi gel to your ribs and wrap them." He stepped away to the medical locker, and she was left staring at his retreating back.

She saw Vega snapping his gauntlets on, and as soon as she made eye contact with him, he hastily looked away. She glanced down in confusion.

She was standing in the middle of the room, under armour hanging off her waist, in only her bra.

She heaved a mental sigh. It was a major faux pau for soldiers to 'check out the goods' of other soldiers when they were suiting up. She began to pull the under armour up, when a pair of warm hands on her waist stopped her.

"Let me wrap your ribs first Shepard. Trust me, you'll want the support of you have to do any sprinting."

He turned her to face him, then his arms were around her. Shepard stiffened, but couldn't stop the inhale of breath that made her nose fill with the spicy mix of man and eezo that was purely Kaidan. He moved quickly and efficiently, until she was bound. Then he helped her slide her sore arm into her skin tight under armour.

"All good, Commander." She nodded, and turned away to began strapping herself into her armour.

Kaidan moved to Vega and checked all his seals, then the men scavenged the armour left over from other crew members to find something that would work for Kaidan.

The found an old suit of armour of Zaeed's, and though it was a little large, it would do. The sight of Kaidan in scarred up yellow armour was strange to see.

"Dios mio!...Is this…naw it can't be…Shepard, is this Archangels armour?"

James was standing in front of a large locker, mouth agape. She moved to his side, snapping on her gauntlets.

She sucked in a breath when she saw it. Garrus' scarred up armour, with the hole from the rocket to his face, was hanging in the Normandy. She reached out a hand and trailed down a scorched blue panel and smiled. He must have left it to prove to her he would be back… he loved that armour.

"Yeah, it is. He was with me when he assaulted the Collector base. His name isn't really Archangel though its-"

"Garrus Vakarian." Kaidan said, stepping up beside her, his jaw clenched and working furiously.

"Five minutes Shepard." Joker's voice came over the speakers.

She stepped away, and punched the panel to open the shuttle door. "Vega, you gonna fly this thing?" Ignoring Kaidan's hot stare on her back.

"Hell yeah!" The big marine said, forgetting in his excitement that he was pissed at her.

The all filed in, and Joker dropped the door. With a lurch, they shot forward.

"Jesus, did he learn to fly this thing from vids of watching you in the Mako?" Kaidan muttered by her side, a death grip on his strap.

Shepard grinned, and moved to stand behind Vega's chair.

"I've been trying to reach Mars on secured channels. No one is answering." Joker called, sending the reports to the shuttle.

"Any sign of Reaper activity?"

"Negative."

Shepard pursed her lips. "EDI?"

The A.I came online, and Shepard sighed in relief. She had been worried that something had happened to her when the Alliance took the Normandy over. "The base appears to be online. It is possible the inhabitants were evacuated."

"I guess we will know soon enough. Be ready Joker… just in case" Shepard patted Vega's shoulder, and moved back to the main shuttle door.

"Flying into the unknown on a mission for Hackett, on sketchy information…yeah, cause that worked out so well for us last time." The pilot grumbled and clicked off.

Kaidan was seated by the door, a frown on his face. He stood as she approached and moved to stand next to her as Vega told them he was prepping to land.

They clicked on their helmets in silence.

Vega brought the shuttle down with a thump on a small rise about a kilometer away from the main compound.

"Still no contact from the base, but we have a massive storm headed our way." The big marine called as he clicked his helmet on and shut down the shuttle.

"How long til it hits?" She asked.

"Half-hour, tops. After that, it will be hard to keep up the comms with the Normandy."

She hit the button to open the door as Vega and Kaidan readied their assault rifles.

"Understood. Let's make this a quick in and out. Vega, you're on point." Shepard pulled out her sniper rifle. Today, it would have to be her on their six. Kaidan and James had dismal sniper skills.

The stepped out into the biting wind of Mars, and began to work their way down towards the complex, Shepard trying valiantly to ignore the gnawing sense of dread in her guts.


	38. Chapter 38

**Author's Note: Thank you to chainline, Impslave and Bayanbasri for the reviews last chapter... they were so great!**

 **And thank you to fwafwf for the amazing PM...truly, it lit a fire under me to do more writing!**

 **Enjoy!**

Chapter Thirty-Eight

The biting wind blew sand into swirling eddies all around the trio as the made their way down towards the complex. It got into the nooks and crannies of her armour, and Shepard knew the seals would be a bitch to clean later. They had only gone a few hundred meters when Vega saw the first body.

"He is Alliance. Sergeant Reeves." Kaidan said, bending to examine the marine. "Strange…He didn't put a fight before he died."

It appeared the marine had been gunned down where he stood. _Potentially an inside job?_

Vega seemed to agree with her thought. "Something is not right here."

"Lets keep a low profile until we know what is going on. Stay frosty." She ordered, hefting the sniper rifle, and motioning Vega to point once again.

They moved warily forward along a dirt track, scanning constantly. All three weapons snapped to point dead ahead as a gunshot rang out from ahead and below them.

Shepard instantly flattened onto her stomach, and belly crawled to cover at the edge of the rise, Kaidan beside her, and Vega on the other side of the road.

She pulled up the sniper rifle and checked out the scene below her.

Two Alliance marines were dead on the ground, with a third on his knees, staring defiantly up at… at a Cerberus trooper in heavy armour; the trademark yellow stripes blaring who he worked for. Shepard sucked in a shocked breath. _What fuck was Cerberus doing here?_

She began to target the Cerberus agent holding the gun on the marine, but before she could fire he pulled the trigger.

Vega popped out of his cover in astonishment. "Holy Shit! They are executing them!" He vaulted over his cover, and opened fire with his assault rifle. Shepard fired, her shot turned the trigger mans head into pulp.

"Well, we are in it now." Kaidan muttered into his comm, joining Vega in darting forward to get closer, bursts of fire form his assault rifle joining Vega's.

Shepard took a deep breath, and executed another perfect headshot. Garrus would be proud.

Kaidan launched a massive biotic attack, and two of the Cerberus agents froze on the spot. Shepard's mouth dropped open. The power used for a cryo-blast of that size was massive…Kaidan had gotten _much_ more powerful since they last served together.

Once the soldiers were all down -Vega gleefully reducing the frozen agents to fragments- they moved down to the scene of the executions.

"Those guys were Cerberus, weren't they?" Vega asked.

"Sure look like it to me." Shepard growled as she looked down at the executed marines.

"Cerberus…What are they doing here on Mars?" Kaidan's helmet swung to her in askance.

"Good question." Shepard said, moving forward towards the complex behind Vega.

"You don't know?" Kaidan asked, and she stopped dead.

"What?" Her mouth went dry as she realised he actually thought she might know. _Did he think she was a member of their fucking book club or something?_

"I'm not with them anymore Kaidan, if that's what your asking." Her voice was brutally cold, and he flinched slightly.

"C'mon Shepard… It wasn't. But you have to admit it's a bit uh…convenient." Kaidan's voice was concerned, but before he could finish his thought, Vega yelled. "Heads up!"

Shoving aside the snarling anger and hurt at the thought that Kaidan actually thought she was working with Cerberus, Shepard dove behind a large crate as more agents stepped out form behind a few parked Mako's.

They took them down, and Shepard stalked past Kaidan to grab their dropped heat sinks.

"It doesn't look like they came here in force." Vega stated. There had only been five troops in this fight, and six in the one before.

"Yeah, just a few vehicles." Shepard checked out the Cerberus Mako's, but they were clean of useful gear.

"They must have had help from the inside." Kaidan said, as he pulled an extra pistol off a dead agent.

As much as she wanted to stay silent and not speak to him, she was a grown up, and the mission had to come first.

"You could be right." She said, gratingly.

"There's no way that they could take this facility with anything less than a full battalion." He finished as they moved up the ramp into the cargo bay.

The signs showed more and more the truth in Kaidan's word. There was no damage to the bay, no signs of a fire fight.

Once they were all inside, she moved to the loading ramp and punched the command to seal the bay. As soon as the door closed, Kaidan strode up to her as they waited for the bay to pressurize.

"Shepard, I need a straight answer." His back was straight, his eyes hard behind the glass.

She raised a hand to pinch the bridge of her nose, but was stopped by her helmet. "Kaidan…" She said, her tone exasperated.

He pointed a finger at her, every inch an Alliance Major getting the answer's he needed from a subordinate. "Don't 'Kaidan' me! This is business. Do you know _anything_ about why Cerberus is here?"

Shepard swallowed down her pain, and hurt. Once there had been something beautiful between them. They had trusted one another implicitly, relied on each other…loved each other. Now he accused her of conspiring with the enemy, against her own people. Her sorrow tasted like ashes on her tongue.

"What makes you think I know what they are up to…Sir?" The last word was heavy, and Kaidan faltered slightly.

"C'mon Shepard, don't make me out to be the bad guy here. You worked for them, for over a year! How am I not supposed to think you might have at least an idea of why they are here?" Kaidan's eyes were locked onto hers, and they pleaded with her to understand.

A small part of her lite up with hope again. If she was in his shoes, she would have to to least ask him if he had known something… a year was a long time, and she had taken down more than a few of their cells. It was totally feasible that she would have found something.

But the other part of her snarled at the small voice to shut up, and kick him in the balls for questioning her honor.

"The Kaidan that used to trust me wouldn't think it." Her eyes locked onto his, and she spoke firmly and slowly. "I joined forced with Cerberus to take down the Collectors. Anything I came across that wasn't related to that, I destroyed… The Reapers are probably things in this galaxy that want me dead as bad as the Illusive Man. You have read the files, Major."

Kaidan turned away, and his hands fisted on the rail of the elevator. "There's more to it than that. They rebuilt you, from the ground up. They remade the Normandy and gave her to you, they gave you a team, resources…" His voice was hurt and frusterated.

 _Ahhh…_ _Chakwas must have sent him and Anderson her medical file._ She cringed a little. _Okay…so maybe finding out she had been dead, then fully rebuilt with Cybernetics could cause a little trust issue…after all, she had made Chakwas scan her about 20 times to make sure she really was herself, and they hadn't implanted some kind of kill switch on control device._

 _But it still grated her nerves to have to repeat herself, over and over… to the Alliance, the council, and now to him._

She moved up right next to him, and looked him straight in the face.

"Let me be clear. I have had no contact with Cerberus since I destroyed the Collector Base. And I have no idea why they are here now, or what they want."

Kaidan's eyes searched her helmeted face, and she could see the internal struggle he was having. She almost felt sorry for him, but her own feeling's were too assaulted to make room for sympathy.

James moved closer to them. "Commander Shepard has been under constant surveillance since coming back to earth. No way they've communicated since."

Kaidan looked at Vega, then down at his fisted hands. "I'm sorry Shepard. It's just that-"

A loud hiss cut him off, and the cargo bay pressurized. They all reached up and took off their helmets.

Shepard clenched her jaw tight, and looked back at him over her shoulder. "You of all people should know what I am about, Kaidan."

She turned away from him, not seeing his expression fall. Vega looked back and forth between them, then stepped up next to Shepard as the lift began to rise into a massive central chamber. Shepard stepped off the elevator, and Kaidan moved up beside her.

She turned her head, and let her eyes meet his, just for a moment. "Kaidan… please, trust me."

"I do, Shepard. I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

He was cut off as a loud thump echoed across the room from the vents above them. They all dropped and rolled to cover, weapon trained on the vent exit above them. There was definitely something large in there.

A feminine voice was grunting in effort, and the vent cover was shuddering under repeated impact. A few shots echoed through the room, followed by a small shriek. The vent cover fell to the ground, and Liara T'soni followed after it. She took a few steps forward, the launched a massive singularity, pulling the Cerberus troops following her into the air, and them calmly shooting them down.

Shepard rose, Kaidan behind her while Vega looked at the Asari in confusion. Liara stepped up to a wounded trooper, and shot him between the eyes.

Vega moved up beside Shepard, his assault rifle raised and pointed at Liara. "Easy there, Lieutenant. She's with us." Shepard smirked, and pushed the nose of the rifle down.

She moved quickly towards the Asari, a grin on her face as Liara turned to face her, quickly lowering her pistol.

"Shepard! Thank the Goddess you're alive." Liara's face flooded with relief.

"Liara." Shepard smiled and nodded at her old friend.

Liara moved close, reaching out to touch Shepard's arm. "I was worried when the reports came in. They hit earth hard?"

Kaidan stepped out from behind Shepard, and answered. "Yeah. It was hard to leave like that."

Liara's face filled with shock, and her eyes swung back to Shepard, then returned to Kaidan.

"Kaidan! Goddess, you're a sight." Liara leaned forward and touched his arm as well, as he smiled at her.

"Yeah, It's good to see you too, Liara."

Liara's face filled with confusion, and she turned back to Shepard. "I'm sorry Shepard, but why are you here?"

"Hackett ordered us to come. Said you'd know what was going on." Shepard stepped close to the Asari, her face calm, but her hope that Liara could help them broadcasting from her eyes.

Liara gave a soft smile, understanding dawning on her face and moved towards a large window. "Actually… I do."

Vega nudged Kaidan with an elbow. "Hallelujah! Some answers… finally."

James and Kaidan fell in behind Shepard and Liara, as the Asari continued. "I've discovered plans for a Prothean device, one that could wipe out the Reapers."

Shepard raised her eyebrows. "Here? On Mars?"

Liara gestured out he window to another part of the complex across the way. "In the Prothean archives, yes."

 _How, after all this time, was this just being discovered now?_ "I guess I'll believe it when I see it. Where do we find this weapon?"

Liara gave Shepard a sympathetic look, and her stomach sank. "It's not a weapon…not yet. It is plans for a device, a blueprint."

Shepard heaved a sigh, and shared a glance with Vega, who shrugged. "Well, it's better than we had a minute ago. How do we get it?"

"The archives are just across that tramway, assuming Cerberus hasn't locked it down."

Shepard moved closer to the window, her gaze roaming across the complex as she thought. "What are they after?"

Vega leapt on this statement, moving up close to Liara, who raised a perfect cerulean eyebrow at him. "Yeah, they seemed hell bent on catching you…" The lieutenant raked his eyes up and down the Asari, completely missing Shepards eye roll, and Kaidan's smirk.

Liara, held James' gaze for a heartbeat, then dismissed him from her attention and returned her gaze to Shepard. "They want what I'm here for, what we are all here for."

"But why?" Shepard couldn't understand why Cerberus was interested in the blueprint… the Illusive Man had always stood for furthering Humanity…not helping the Reapers.

"The Protheans came close to defeating the Reapers, they had plans to destroy them, but ran out of time." Liara answered, some of her old, Prothean obsessed self peeking through.

Kaidan stepped in next to Shepard, who forced herself not to move away from him. She was still stinging from his accusations that she might still be associated with Cerberus, due to some sense of loyalty from bringing her back to life.

"And anything powerful enough to destroy the Reapers…" He trailed off and looked at Shepard.

"Just might be something Cerberus would be interested in." Shepard finished. He was right...If Cerberus were the ones to come up with how to defeat the Reapers, the Illusive Man would be able to broadcast his idea that humanity was superior across the galaxy.

She held Kaidan's glance, basking in the warm smile on his face, and the fact that it felt so _right_ to be on a mission with him at her side once again. Then his questions about her and Cerberus swam to the forefront and she cleared her throat and stepped back.

"So, it's a race to the archives." Vega said, hefting his assault rifle, and shooting Liara a feral grin.

The room shuddered, then the door across from them began sparking wildly as someone on the other side began using a cutting torch to get through.

"Fuck…We've got company." Shepard muttered.

Vega stepped in front of her, rifle leveled at the door. "Bring it on!" He growled.

"Not this time, James." Shepard ordered, and the marine's gaze swung to her in shock.

"What!" The big marine's jaw dropped in shock.

"Get back to the shuttle. If Cerberus beats us to the archives, I need you covering the exits." Shepard moved back to the loading platform and punching in the command to bring the lieutenant back to where they had entered the complex.

James moved up next to her. "But-"

The compound shuddered again, and Shepard hit the lift button, pushing him onto the platform.

"Now, Lieutenant." She ordered, her tone leaving no room for argument.

He shook his head, but stayed on the lift as it lowered, taking him back to the shuttle.

"I hear them; they are almost through. We should take cover." Kaidan called, and crouched behind one of the Mako's, his fist glowing blue as he prepared an attack.

Having two biotics on her team skewed things heavily in Shepards favor. Liara would pull them into lifts, and Shepard would snipe them. Kaidan would launch cryo-blasts, and then take them down with his assault rifle. It was over with the room cleared, in under five minutes.

Shepard moved through the room, figuring out a way to get them to the upper level, listening to Kaidan and Liara's conversation.

"How'd Cerberus get into the facility, Liara?"

"I'm not sure… One minute we were getting reports of a Reaper invasion, the next there was chaos. We didn't realise it was Cerberus as first."

Shepard found a hydraulic lift with a Mako on it, and lifted it so they could climb up, and get to the level above. She moved up, showing the other two so they could follow her.

"Could they be working with the Reapers?" Kaidan asked, and there was a long pause.

Shepard was the one who answered him. "Doubtful. But, I suppose anything is possible."

She moved to the dead Cerberus troopers and took their extra ammo clips, tossing some back to Liara and Kaidan as they climbed up to join her.

They team moved silently through a few rooms, ignoring the bodies of Alliance personnel that had been gunned down. They made it to a control room. The doors were locked, so they would need to override the controls to gain access to the rest of the complex.

Liara moved quickly to the desk, while Shepard and Kaidan checked to room for anything useful.

"Shepard, see if you can gain access to the ped-way."

Shepard moved tentatively to the console Liara gestured to. Hacking had never been her strong suit. She had always utilized Tali or Legion…or Kaidan. She refused to look over to him. She would figure this out, she'd be damned before she asked him for help.

Liara sat down at the other console. "I can't seem to unlock the live feeds, but…"

Kaidan's head whipped around to a monitor behind Liara's head. "Did you see that?" He asked.

Shepard turned to watch to screen, as Liara replayed the recording. A woman ran into a room, and punched a series of commands into a console, then ran off again. Liara paused the vid just before she vanished off the screen.

"Who is that woman in the vid?" Kaidan asked.

Liara rose, and looked at the screen closely. "That's Dr. Eva Coré. She got here about a week ago."

Kaidan's face stayed glued to the screen, as though he was memorizing the Doctors face. Liara tuned her attention to Shepard… who was cursing softly under her breath.

"Any luck?" Liara asked hesitantly. Kaidan turned to look at Shepard.

"No. Ped-way has been locked out. It's a no go."

Liara shooed her aside and took over at the console. "Alright. Looks like there is construction nearby. We can head out the on the roof. We can find a way around from there." She hit a few keys, and the light on the door across the room turned green.

Shepard put on her helmet and moved out, stepping through the door into a gnarly amount of wind. She rocked back from the force, but resisted the urge to use her mag boots… She wasn't willing to sacrifice speed unless she absolutely had to.

"Jesus…That storm is getting close!" Kaidan yelled through the comms.

She moved down a maintenance ladder, and the tramway across from them lit up with bursts of light, as someone opened fire on a tram moving towards the archives.

"Looks like someone in the Alliance is still putting up a fight." She called.

"That tram heads to the archives. If Cerberus is across, they are at the final security checkpoint."

"Commander! Do you read me?" Vega's voice overrode their comms, harsh and cutting in and out from the static.

"I read you Vega, barely. Storm is causing interference."

"Yeah, tell me about it! I've lost comms with the Normandy. What's your-" There was a harsh screech cutting off whatever else Vega was trying to say, and Shepard flinched as her eardrums protested.

"I didn't read that James. Repeat." She called as they climbed another ladder.

Harsher static and ear-splitting squeals assaulted her ears. "Damnit!"

Liara and Kaidan topped the ladder and moved closer to her. "That storm is going to hit us very soon." Liara's voice was definitely worried.

Shepard snorted as another massive gust of wind buffeted them. "Yeah… I think it's already here."

The gust knocked Liara off balance, and Kaidan grabbed her to steady her. "Good point." The Asari called out as Shepard leapt over to a landing platform with an airlock back into the complex.

Kaidan and Liara followed, then Liara stopped dead at the airlock…The open airlock.

"This airlock shouldn't be open…" Liara's voice was worried.

Kaidan examined it. "It doesn't look like it was forced open." He assured her.

"No your right…You would have to override security protcols." Liara mused.

Shepard stepped through, and immediately held up her hand to signal the others to wait. It was pitch black, other than the dim light through the windows. She fixed her flashlight to the end of her assault rifle, and moved cautiously into the room.

She made it ten steps before she saw the first body. It was a scientist, unarmoured in a lab coat, the cup of coffee he had been carrying still clutched in his hand. Shepard's breathing increased, and her heart pounded in her chest. His eye's were full of terror, and bulging from his twisted face.

He had suffocated.

Liara had moved into the room, as Shepard remained motionless.

The Asari gasped as she reached Shepard. "Someone vented the air from this room while they were still in here…"

Shepard forced herself to take a step forward, then another, ignoring the wooden feeling in her legs.

 _You have air, you are breathing just fine. Just keep moving forward._ She chanted over and over, her body screaming at her to get out.

They came across more and more bodies, they looked like they had tried to run to the doors. Bloody marks from torn fingernails streaked the doors.

"Looks like they tried to claw their way out." Kaidan said softly.

 _Fingers clawing at her helmet seals, she tried frantically to rip it off, to breathe_. The memories tore through her mind and Shepard's breath was harsh in her ears. She could almost hear her lungs shredding as she tried to breath in air that wasn't there.

"This is brutal… even by Cerberus standards." Liara said softly, and she came next to Shepard.

They made it down to the lowest level, where there were large shuttered windows. Shepard stopped next to a desk and tried to fight off the panic attack that was on the verge of overwhelming her. Her legs wobbled underneath her.

"Shepard…what's wrong?" Kaidan asked, shining the light from his rifle past her face to see her terrified expression.

"Goddess!" Liara said, moving to her side, as Kaidan swore and scanned her vitals with his omni tool.

"Jesus Shepard…Your heart rate is off the chart, what's wrong? Are you injured-" Kaidan was cut off as Liara hissed at them all to get down.

The shutters on the windows were lowering. Shepard was frozen in place.

Kaidan turned off her flashlight, and forced her down behind the cover of the desk.

She could feel the tingle of Kaidan's biotics next to her, and it shook some of the fog away. She forced herself to take deep breaths through her nose.

"Stay down Shepard, we've got this." Kaidan whispered to her, and she was enveloped in the warm blue glow of his biotics as he shielded her, then stood and fired upon the Cerberus troops on the other side of the glass.

Liara and Kaidan took them down quickly, and then Kaidan reached down and helped her to her feet. Shepard stumbled, her legs wooden and unresponsive. She leaned on Kaidan, and continued to try and focus on her breathing. Liara darted a head of them and moved to a console.

"Can't… breathe…" Shepard gasped, and her hands moved to the seals of her helmet.

"Shepard wait! I have to pressurize the room first!" Liara's fingers moved frantically across the console, and the vents began to hiss as they vented to atmosphere and filled the room with oxygen.

Kaidan grasped Shepard's fingers tightly with his own, keeping her hands away from the seals. His eyes stared through the glass of his helmet, and he made exaggerated breaths, encouraging her to match them.

She did, ragged, tearing breaths as first, then deeper and calmer. Her eyes stayed locked on his, her fingers tight in his as she wrestled with the panic attack.

"Ok. We are stable." Liara called, and removed her mask.

Kaidan gently undid the seals on Shepards helmet, and pulled it off.

She sucked in a huge lungsful of air, her head between her knees. Kaidan began removing his own helmet, then paused to look at Liara as she gasped.

The Asari moved to Shepard, and her eyes were wide with sympathy. "Goddess Shepard… I'm sorry I didn't realize… Are you alright?"

Kaidan looked back and forth between them. Shepard lifted her her gaze to Liara and nodded, still taking deep breaths in and out through her nose.

"I just need a minute… Panic attack."

Kaidan looked confused, but bent down to crouch next to Liara. She could feel the cold sweat on her face, and her hair was stuck to her neck.

Shepard shuddered, and Kaidan performed a scan with his omni tool again.

"Your heart rate is stabilizing…you should be back to normal in a minute or too." His amber eyes roamed her face, and her heart lurched at the worry and concern there. "Shepard…what happened back there?" He asked her softly.

"It's fine… Chakwas say's it's PTSD… Certain things…act as a kind of trigger…" Shepard trailed off, unsure of how to continue. _I mean, how do you just come out and say, I died getting spaced and it still kind of fucks with me sometimes._

Liara, apparently had no such compunctions. "Shepard was spaced Kaidan, remember?…She suffocated."

Understanding slammed into his face, and horror filled his eyes. He tentatively reached out and grasped her armoured hand in his own. She didn't pull away. They didn't need any words.

Shepard pulled an energy gel from her pocket, and sucked it down, then pushed herself to her feet. They had shit to do…she would walk the rest of the effects off.

"Ok. I am good."

Liara nodded, and moved to the console once more. "We have access to the labs, they will take us right to the tram station."

Kaidan investigated the other console. "Hey, there is a recording of what happened here." They gathered around him, and he hit play.

An Alliance officer sat at the same desk the three of them were standing at now, another officer standing at a terminal behind him. Shepard glanced to the side and looked at the two bodies collapsed on the floor beside her.

It wasn't going to be a happy video.

"Security station come in. We are seeing some odd activity down here. Our security protocols just kicked in, everything's locked down." The seated marine was the speaker.

Shepard stomach tightened as Dr. Eva Coré stepped into the room. The officer at the desk turned to glance at her, before turning back to the screen. "Doctor. I'll get you a report as soon as-"

He was cut off as the doctor calmly pulled out a pistol and shot the sanding marine in the back of the head before levelling it at the seated officer and putting a bullet between his eyes when he whirled back to look at her.

Liara's jaw dropped and she gasped as the dead marine fell to the floor. Dr. Coré began punching keys on the terminal they were now seated at. The feed showed what happened next.

The alarms began to blare, as she vented the oxygen from the room that they had just passed though.

Kaidan rested a hand on Shepards arm as they watched the scientists clawing at the door, before slowly suffocating while they clawed at their throats until they became motionless.

Shepard forced down her emotions and stopped the feeds. "I guess we know how Cerberus got in." She said quietly.

Liara's head bowed, her shoulders slumping as she leaned heavily on the desk. Kaidan took a quick glance at her face, and stepped out of the room, making himself look busy.

"I should have realised it when I met her. I was just so focused on finding a way to stop the Reapers…" The Asari trailed off, her guilt heavy on her shoulders.

Shepard snorted at her. "You did what needed to be done Liara. This isn't on you."

Liara nodded, but Shepard could see her heart wasn't in it.

"Kaidan and I need you, Liara. We need you to get us to the Archives."

Liara straightened her back, and turned off the screen with Dr. Coré's image. She punched a button, and across the hall a door access panel turned green. "Through that door."

Kaidan took point, and Shepard stuck close on his six, with Liara on her right. They moved through a long hall without incident, then came to the corridor that would take them to the tram.

"That's the tramline. It will take us right to the Archives. No doubt Cerberus has is locked down. Hopefully, we can override it at the security station." Liara's voice was shushed through the comms, and Shepard nodded sharply at her.

Liara stepped up to the door, and it opened with a whoosh…to reveal a pair of armoured turrets pointed straight at them.

"Watch out!" Kaidan yelled and tackled Liara, rolling them to cover. Shepard dove through the door behind a pillar.

"I take it that's the only way in?" Kaidan asked Liara.

"Well… It's the only way I know of."

"Son-of-a-bitch. Well, we will have to skirt around it, stay out of its sights." She peeked out to get a lay of the land, then ducked back at a barrage of bullets ripped off the corner of her cover where her head had been.

"I'll move up first." Kaidan said, then he was gone.

He rolled through the center of the hall, bullets trailing after him as he went. Shepard heaved a sigh of relief, and her heart moved a little lower in her throat has he made cover unscathed.

The trio darted this way and that, constantly zig-zagging through the hall to avoid being gunned down, until they were out of the hall, and could circle around behind the turrets and out of their firing line.

The office behind the turret was full of Cerberus troops. Shepard took a deep breath and dove around the corner, rolling behind a desk as the troops whirled to face her. She gritted her teeth as bullets slammed into the desk all around her. Liara launched a massive singularity, and several of the troops were lifted into the air. Shepard popped out of cover and took them out, while Kaidan froze, then annihilated another cluster with his assault rifle.

After a few more minutes of intense back and forth, with Shepard and her team darting from desk to desk to get closer, the room was cleared.

Liara moved to the wall of monitors overlooking the room with the turrets, and punched in a few commands. Video popped up of the room on the other end of the tram way.

Dr. Coré was ordering troops to set up a perimeter, and not allow anyone else to cross. The trooper was arguing with her, not wanting to leave the remaining team on this side, without a way across.

Shepard looked at the bodies scattered throughout the room… they wouldn't be needing a ride anytime soon.

The Cerberus woman looked up at the camera they were watching her through and shot it. The screen went blank. Liara and Shepard exchanged a look.

"Can you override the lockout?" Shepard asked Liara quietly, while Kaidan moved through the Cerberus troops bodies collecting extra ammo.

Liara bent over the monitor and executed a series of commands, but finally shook her head and threw her hands up in frustration. "The archives on a separate system. We are completely locked out."

Shepard patted her on the back bracingly. "Well, we will just have to figure something else out. We always do."

"How about if we could find a short range communicator?" Kaidan asked.

Liara's azure eyes lit up, and Shepard cocked an eyebrow in invitation to continue.

"Well, if it was say, helmet to helmet we could convince them that we are on their side. That all the Alliance forces have been taken care of."

A smile bloomed on Shepards face, and Kaidan returned it. "Good idea, Kaidan. See what you can find."

He turned and began checking over the troops, moving from body to body until he was in the next room.

Shepards eyes were locked onto his retreating form, and it was an effort to tear them away. With a small sigh, she turned back to Liara, only to find the Asari giving her a look.

"What?" Shepard asked defensively.

"The Major had become very…capable." Liara's eyes flicked to Kaidan, then back to Shepard as she quirked a perfectly sculpted brow.

Shepard fidgeted slightly, then gave it up as a bad job. She grinned at Liara. "That he has."

The two shared a smile, and then Liara turned back to the console with a small giggle.

"Shepard! I found something." Kaidan called from the other room.

She moved out to where he was, crouching over a Cerberus troop. "What have you got?" She crouched next to him, and he scooted over so she could access the troops helmet.

"He's got a transmitter in his helmet. If I can-" Kaidan's voice cut off with a startled yelp, and he scooted backwards, scrambling to his feet.

The helmet had popped open to reveal the troopers face. Shepard swallowed down a wave of nausea. He had grey skin, with rotting black streaks down his face…and glowing blue eyes.

"Jesus… he looks like a husk." Kaidan swore over her shoulder as she bent closer to examine him.

"Yeah…not quite. But they have definitely done something to him." She murmured, trying hard to focus on the mission, and not Cerberus' twisted experiments on their own people. She reached her hand into his helmet and pulled free the helmet transmitter.

"And by 'they', you mean Cerberus? They did this to their own guy?" Kaidan's voice was horrified. Shepard stood, transmitter in hand. Kaidan's face was horrified as he looked down at the trooper.

She just grimaced at him, having nothing to say about the atrocities she knew Cerberus to be capable of. She turned to head back into the other room, when Kaidan's next words froze her to the spot.

"Is this what they did to you?" He seemed to regret it instantly, his hands raising in front of himself protectively as she whirled to face him.

Anger roared through her like a wave. "Fuck Kaidan! How can you compare me to him! Seriously? You are such a-"

He stepped closer to her and cut her off, his own temper flaring. "Shepard, I don't know what you are, or _who_ you are anymore! Cerberus _rebuilt_ you. Can you even imagine what that word means to someone on the outside? Someone who wasn't there? You were dead! And then you weren't and you were with them."

Liara came running out of the other room at the shouts, but skidded to a halt at the sight of them in each other's faces, tempers flaring.

"For all I know you could be their puppet, controlled by the Illusive man himself." He finished heatedly, biotics spurting around him.

Shepard swelled, her rage threatening to drown her. Then, like a bath of icy water, she deflated. Kaidan was right. He didn't know her anymore. Too much had happened, she _had_ changed and so had he.

And her heart couldn't do this anymore.

"Kaidan…" her throat closed, unable to force more words out. They stood in silence, chests heaving as the harsh words died out.

He stepped closer to her, his hand reaching out as though to take hers, before falling back at his side. "Shepard, is the person I followed to hell and back…the person that I loved…still in there somewhere?"

Her heart ached as his eyes searched hers, looking for a sign that would be an affirmation of his desire for her to be _her_.

Shepard swallowed hard, telling herself it was the last time. He would have to believe in her, to trust her… or her hope that they would finally be able to be together would crumble into ashes at their feet.

She reached out and grasped his hand. "They didn't change me, Kaidan… Or how I feel about you. But words can't convince you to trust me, can they?

His hand turned, and he grasped her fingers tightly in return. "I want them to Shepard. I'm trying."

She heaved a sigh, and let go of his hand. "I didn't think so. You were always stubborn." She winked at him.

He looked a little shocked, then started to chuckle. "Me? I was not stubborn, you were!" He laughed. They shared a warm smile, and Shepard choose to ignore the exasperated huff from Liara.

"Well, maybe we were both a little stubborn. But we need to get this mission done. So, are we doing this? I'm not going to force you to come along." She cocked a hip out and crossed her arms over her chest as she looked at him.

"I'm with you, Shepard. I've always been with you…I just, well. I haven't been very good at showing it, have I?"

Liara snorted, then covered her mouth as they both turned to look at her.

The whiplash of emotions she had Kaidan had been going through was hard on her heart, but every time… they got a little closer to getting that trust back. She peeked at him from under her lashes… on the trip to the Citadel after this mission, they would sit down somewhere quiet, and really talk. Maybe the hurt that he hadn't trusted her on Horizon was fading, but there was still along way to go…on both sides.

Shepard sighed, and pulled the transmitter to her mouth. "Hello. This is… Delta team. Anybody there?" Shepard made a wild guess at the team names they might use.

"Where the hell have you been? Never mind. What's your status?" A haggard Cerberus trooper came through the line, and Shepard grinned triumphantly at Kaidan and Liara.

"We're at the tram station waiting for extraction. All hostiles terminated."

"Roger that. Echo team will ride over and secure the station."

Shepard dropped the comm into her pouch and jammed a fresh clip into her sniper rifle.

"Think they bought it?" Kaidan asked.

"Well if they didn't, they'll figure it out soon enough."

They moved into position, Shepard staying up high, with Liara and Kaidan hidden behind some crates to flank them when they arrived.

It was an intense but short firefight, with Shepard's team taking out the Cerberus troops within minutes of their arrival on the station. They all put their helmets back on, in case Cerberus tried anything while they were on the tram, and then they were moving.

As the tram moved along, through the glass walls of the tramway Shepard could see the vicious whirls of sand buffeting everything in its path.

"The storm is getting bad. We need to wrap this up quickly."

They battled their way through more troops as another tram was sent out to meet them. Shepard was like a machine, her focus poured into reaching the archives a quickly as possible, then getting the fuck off of Mars while they still could.

They finally reached the Archives, and the silence was almost shocking after the gun battles they had been in for the last twenty minutes.

They all left their helmets on…who knew what Cerberus had managed before they got here.

"Kaidan. Check the Perimeter." He nodded and began moving silently along the outside edge of the circular room.

She and Liara moved directly to the center of the room, where a large console waited. Liara punched in a few commands, and they both stared at the screen waiting for something to happen.

"Shepard." Drawled a chillingly familiar voice behind her. Her pistol was in her hand in a heartbeat as she whirled to face him.

The Illusive Man took a drag of his ever constant cigarette, and smirked at her from his hologram. "Fascinating race, the Protheans. They left all this for us to discover, but we squandered it." He put the cigarette out, and eyed Shepard up and down slowly. "The Alliance has known about the archives for over thirty years, and what have they done with it?"

Shepard stepped closer, until she was an arms length away from the holo. "What do you want?" She hissed.

The Illusive Man drew his eyebrows together and scanned the huge Prothean artifact behind her. "What I've always wanted." He said softly, then returned his gaze to her. "The data in these artifacts holds the key to solving the Reaper threat."

Shepard scoffed at him. "I've seen your 'solution'. You are turning your own people into monsters."

He tutted her. "Hardly. They are being…improved."

"Improved?" Her voice was incredulous.

He looked at her pityingly. "That's what separates us, Shepard. Where you see a means to destroy, I see a way to control. To dominate, and harness the Reapers power." Shepard shared a horrified look with Liara, who hands covered her mouth as he continued. "Imagine how strong humanity would be, if _we_ controlled _them_."

 _He has totally lost it…_ "You have gone too far. The Reapers will kill us all if we don't stop fighting each other." She snarled at him.

"I don't expect _you_ to understand, Shepard. And I am certainly not looking for your approval. You were a tool. An agent with a singular purpose, and despite our difference's, you were relatively successful."

He turned to look at something behind him that she couldn't see. When he turned back to her, he had a gleam in his eye that she did not like. 'But, like the rest of the relics in this place, your time is over."

"Enough talking, you pompous old windbag! Liara!" Shepard ordered, and the Asari returned to the console.

The Illusive Man pointed a finger at her chest. "Don't interfere with my plan, Shepard. I wont warn you again."

"Duly noted." She spat, giving him the finger.

"Shepard!" Liara called, her voice frantic.

"What?" Shepard turned to go to the console, dismissing the Illusive Man.

Liara was frantically typing commands into the console. "The data! It's not here! It's being erased."

"Damn it! How is he doing it?"

Liara punched in a few more commands, then her hands froze. "It's local…someone is uploading the information."

Shepard looked around in confusion. The Illusive man had disappeared.

"Hey! Step away from the console!" Kaidan's voice barked into her ear, and she whirled to see him with his gun held on someone she couldn't see.

"Now!" He ordered and took a step forward, vanishing from her sight. She pulled out her pistol, and took a step forward when he grunted and came rolling out of the room as though thrown.

A slim woman darted out of the room, and began running for the exit.

Dr. Coré was running, disappearing around a bend…the Alliance's hope of defeating the reapers with her.


	39. Chapter 39

**Author's Note: Ok, this is a little bit of a heavier chapter...but that is the way it has to be sometimes!**

 **Thank you to Impslave for your review of the last Chapter... you made my day!**

 **Enjoy!**

 **Chapter Thirty-Nine**

"She's got the data!" Kaidan called as the Prothean artifact went dark. Shepard immediately launched herself after the fleeing form, sprinting for all she was worth after Dr. Coré.

"Stay close! We can't lose her!" Shepard called, as she outpaced Kaidan and Liara.

Biotic attacks and gunfire flew past Shepard to try and slow the doctor down, but anything that hit her seemed to have no impact. Shepard's lungs burned as she gave chase, leaping over crates thrown into her path, and hauling herself up ladders.

Shepard climbed onto the roof after the bolting woman and cursed as a shuttle flew low over head. She fired desperately at the retreating form of the doctor, but nothing slowed her down. The shuttle veered away as Dr. Coré leapt down a level.

The chase continued, but Shepard was slowly gaining ground.

"James do you copy! Cerberus has the data. Hail the Normandy, get them down here now!" She panted into the comm, praying he could hear her over the disruption caused by the storm. A hail of static answered her calls, and she cursed.

She followed the doctor up another ladder, and as Shepard cleared the top, the woman turned an opened fire on her. Shepard went down hard, her shield barely holding as she took five shots dead in the chest. She scrambled to her feet as the shuttle appeared once more.

"She's getting away!" She screamed into the comm, ignoring her throbbing chest as the doctor made a gigantic leap, and landed on the Cerberus shuttle.

Shepard skidded to a halt and watched in horror as the Cerberus shuttle closed its door and began to rise into the air.

"James! Normandy! Anybody!" She called, her eyes desperately raking the sky as she fired hopelessly on the engines.

A light appeared in the distance, rapidly growing larger as the Normandy's shuttle drew closer, James having pushed it to max speed.

"I got this one!" Vega crowed in her ear, and he slammed full force into the enemy shuttle with his own. There was a horrendous screech as the metal vehicles collided.

"Goddess!" Liara cried as she and Kaidan slid to a halt behind Shepard. James's shuttle spun and dipped out of sight, trailing smoke.

The Cerberus shuttle burst into flames and headed straight for Shepard.

"Move!" She screamed and threw herself to the side, Kaidan tackling Liara and rolling them out of the way. The shuttle missed Shepard by inches and crashed into the ground behind her, a roaring inferno.

Shepard lay for a moment, panting and wheezing. There was burning wreckage all around, the wind pushing the flames higher.

Shepard propped herself up on an elbow and gazed around. Kaidan was on his knees, coughing. She pushed her self to her feet and started to go to him, but he waved her off.

"I'm good." He called.

She looked at the burning Cerberus shuttle and cursed. There was no way anyone had survived. They would have to wait for the flames to die down and hope that the data wasn't ruined.

James' shuttle appeared once more, trailing smoke, but still in the air. Shepard waved him to a spot with slightly less wreckage and he set it down.

Kaidan picked up his pistol, which had been thrown clear in the blast, then bent to help Liara up; who was looking a little scorched and worse for wear. Shepard noted that they both seemed ok, and turned to James as he exited the shuttle.

The big marine shook his head a little. "The Normandy's en route. They'll be here soon."

Shepard looked around at the carnage surrounding them and cocked a hip out, staring at her lieutenant. "So… I guess you did learn to fly by watching vids of me, hmmm?"

James laughed. "Well…There are worse examples out there… Like a blind Batarian."

"Pfft. Whatever Vega."

"Shepard. We need to get the data." Liara called, and Shepard boosted her shields and headed around the back o the shuttle. Braving flames in armour was never a fun time.

There was a loud clanging sound, and Shepards heart leapt in her chest. It happened again, and she realised it was coming from the shuttle.

Kaidan had realised it as well. He shoved Liara behind him and whirled to face the shuttle just as the door blew open.

Dr. Coré stepped through the flames.

Only, it wasn't really her. It was a fembot – some kind of Cerberus machine- its silver frame glinting as its perfect female form launched itself forward at Kaidan.

He immediately opened fire, but nothing slowed her down. In seconds she was in front of him.

The pistol was snatched from his hand and thrown to the side, then a gleaming metal hand clamped to the front of his helmet and raised him into the air.

"Kaidan!" Shepard screamed, her shot blocked by him as he twisted and thrashed, desperately trying to break the death grip on his faceplate. Vega was beside her helping a horrified Liara to her feet.

"Let him go!" Shepard yelled, while she and Vega looked desperately for a shot.

The machine tilted its head to the side and raised the other hand to where her ear would be, as though listening to a comm.

With sickening suddenness, the hand dropped and she spun.

Slam!

Kaidan's head was bashed into the side of the shuttle.

Shepard screamed, and took a shot at the robots back. The noise Kaidan was making was awful. It was a shrieking groan, and the sound of the helmet crushing his skull filled Shepard with rage unlike anything she had ever felt.

Slam!

The robot slammed him again, and this time he went limp and silent. The fembot dropped him, and he crumpled to the ground in a tangle of unresponsive limbs.

Her heart in her throat, Shepard unloaded her pistol into the robot as it turned and ran towards her. It finally fell, twitching to the ground.

It hadn't even stopped moving when Shepard leapt over it and was at Kaidan's side.

"Shepard! We've got reaper signatures in orbit!" Joker's frantic call cut through her panic slightly. She didn't have time to stabilise Kaidan, or check him properly.

She gingerly turned Kaidan, and draped him over her shoulder.

"James, grab that thing and take it with us. Liara, get to the med-bay!"

She rose to her feet, staggering under Kaidan's weight in his full armour. She desperately fought down her fear. The last time she had hauled him out of somewhere like this, she had left Ash behind to die.

 _Please god, don't let him die._ A sob tore free as his legs dangled limply. The Normandy lowered its ramp and she moved up next to James and that…thing.

"Dios…" Vega muttered.

"He'll be fine." Shepard barked, her voice hoarse. Another sob tore loose, then she was up the ramp running towards the med bay.

She had never missed Chakwas more in her entire life.

Liara scrambled in front of her, turning on scanners and lights. Shepard gently lowered Kaidan onto the nearest bed.

James dropped the robot unceremoniously in the corner, kicking it out of the way.

Shepard tore off her gauntlets and began trying to undo the seals on Kaidan's helmet. They were crushed on the one side, and as she struggled with them she began to sob.

"Fuck! Don't do this to me!" She cried as she tried to free the clasps without jarring him. Her hands were shaking, and kept slipping off the seals.

Her hands were pushed aside and Vega took his knife and jammed it in the helmet seal, twisting it. The helmet sprang open on one side. Shepard pried it open the rest of the way, and gently took it off Kaidan's head.

Once the damage was revealed, she sucked in a horrified breath. His temples were a mass of red and purple streaks where the helmet had crushed against his skin, blood was trickling from his nose and ears, and both of his eyes had gone black.

He was white as chalk.

Liara was scanning him, and was as pale as an Asari could be. Shepard reached a hand to his face, but hesitated just before touching him. A small puff of warm danced across her fingers, and her knee's wobbled underneath her. He was breathing.

She wasn't sobbing anymore, but tears were running un-checked down her cheeks. Her vision was filled suddenly with the very blue eyes of Liara T'soni.

"This is more than I can handle Shepard. Kaidan needs medical attention immediately. We need to get out of the Sol system."

"I know…" Shepard whispered, unable to take her gaze off of his face.

"We need to get to the Citadel, as quickly as possible."

"I know."

"I'll stay, Commander. You make the call. I'll tell you if… If anything changes." James laid a huge hand on her shoulder, and she almost broke.

She had been fighting for six months to be Commander Shepard again, and now that she was all she wanted was to say 'fuck it' and never leave Kaidan's side.

James nudged her gently to the side and began undoing the clasps on Kaidan's armor, while Liara prepped an I.V.

"Hang in there Kaidan… I can't lose you too." Shepard whispered, and squeezed his unresponsive fingers.

She met Liara's gaze once more. "You and EDI see what you can learn from that thing." She nodded to the crumpled fembot on the floor.

Then she turned and left the room. Forcing herself to not look back.

"Joker, get us to the Citadel…And I don't care how many rules you break."

"Yes Ma'am!" The pilot answered, and Shepard turned to enter the comm room. She had to update Hackett. Forcing herself to take deep breaths and not think about the man she loved potentially dying in the med bay, she pulled herself together.

A holo of Hackett appeared, and Shepard stood at attention.

"Shepard. Did you get to the archives?"

"I was there. So was the Illusive Man." She knew she must look a wreck. Puffy eyes from crying, soot and sweat streaked across her face.

Hackett raised a hand and rubbed his neck. "I was worried Cerberus might try something. Did you get the data?"

"Most of it. He downloaded some before I could stop it." Liara entered the room, and Shepard's heart tightened with fear. The Asari gave her a reassuring smile, and the fist around her heart eased slightly. He was still alive.

"EDI and Liara are analyzing what we recovered."

Liara stood next to her, and gave Hackett a formal nod. "What have you learned Dr. T'soni? Was it worth the effort?"

"Preliminary evidence suggests the data is a blueprint for a Prothean device."

"Device?"

Liara punched in a few commands on her omni-tool and a holo appeared, showing them what the blue prints contained.

"It's a weapon. Massive in size, and capable of unquantifiable levels of destruction."

Shepard studied the image in front of her. It was like an enormous sphere. She wasn't an engineer, but it looked more like a Quarian live ship than anything else.

Hackett, however, seemed impressed. "Send me the data. We will do our own analysis." Liara nodded and moved away to send it through to Hackett.

'If Liara's instincts are right, this might be the key to stopping the Reapers."

"I hope so, sir."

Hackett scanned the room around Shepard once more. "I expected Major Alenko to be a part of this briefing."

Shepard sucked in a breath. "Kaidan… Major Alenko, has been injured, sir. We are taking him to the Citadel."

Hackett's face seemed to acquire more lines before her eyes. "I'm sorry to hear that Shepard. He is a good soldier..." Hackett drew himself up, and his eyes became hard as he looked her over and took in the puffy eyes and tear stains. "Shepard. We both know this is just the beginning. We will lose people in this war."

Shepard reared back as though slapped. "Not him, sir." She hissed.

Hackett left it alone. "Talk to the Council, show them what you've found. With luck, they'll give you all the support we need."

Remembering her past history with the Council made Shepard somewhat jaded. 'And if they don't?" She asked harshly.

"Then you do whatever it takes to get them on board." Hackett ordered.

Shepard nodded, and the admiral signed off. She stood, head bowed, gripping the rail in front of her tightly.

… _we will lose people in this war…_ She gritted her teeth and shook her head to try and make the words stop playing through her mind.

"Shepard?" Liara asked tentatively from the back of the room. Shepard turned her head, but otherwise didn't move.

"EDI is extracting data from the Cerberus machine. We will have details to present the Council by the time we reach the Citadel."

Shepard's knuckles cracked as her hands tightened on the rail. She still didn't meet Liara's gaze.

"And Kaidan?" Her voice was hard, a shield against her worst fears.

"I've…done what I can for him. But, we need to get him to a medical facility soon. He's … not good, Shepard."

Shepard bowed her head, then turned to face Liara. The Asari's face was worried, her blue eyes huge in her face.

"The Admiral is right. It's going to get worse, isn't it?" Liara asked softly.

"Unless we stop the Reapers…yeah." Shepard moved past Liara and returned to the med-bay.

She dismissed James to go take off his armour and get a MRE. The big marine hesitated in the door frame.

"What about you, Commander?" He gestured to her armour.

"I'll be fine James. Let me know when we reach the Citadel relay."

He left, and Shepard sank into the chair beside Kaidan, grasping his hand. She searched his face, but nothing had changed, other than his bruises darkening.

He was so still in the bed, but the monitors assured her he was breathing, that he was fighting still.

She reached out, and gently trailed her fingers through his hair. It was longer now, and there were grey hairs at his temples. Her heart ached at the time they had lost.

"I know you probably can't hear me right now… But I never stopped wanting you with me, Kaidan. I fell in love with you four years ago. I think I first realised it that night we went out with Wallace. I am sorry, so sorry for never saying it, and for everything that has happened."

Tears made her throat thick, and she couldn't say anymore. Her hands still trailing gently through his hair, she rested her head on the bed next to him and drifted off to sleep.

00oo00oo00

Shepard sprang awake with a snap as a hand touched the back of her neck. There was a loud crack as her back protested to the abrupt change of position.

Vega had backed hastily away, his hands held up defensively at her violent awakening.

"Easy there…its cool, Commander. We are at the Citadel. Docking in five. Liara arranged for a team from Huerta Memorial to meet us at the dock and take the Major."

Shepard blinked the sleep from her eyes, and looked down at Kaidan. He was breathing shallowly, and shivering slightly. He looked much worse.

She nodded, and got to her feet, the sand still jammed in her armour causing it to squeak and groan.

 _Fuck it. I'll clean it later._ Shepard dropped the pieces of her armour onto the floor of the med bay and took the warm cloth Vega offered to scrub the grime off her face. then She put on her fatigues that he had grabbed for her, and shoved her armour into a corner out of the way. By then it was time to meet the Huerta team at the airlock.

The medical team rushed into the med bay and quickly transferred Kaidan onto a stretcher, scanning him as they transferred the records Liara made to his new file.

"Jesus! We've barely got a pulse here! Let's move." The team scurried away to the waiting medi-shuttle, and then Kaidan disappeared behind the door.

Liara put a hand on Shepards shoulder soothingly. "Huerta Memorial is the best hospital in the system. He'll be in good hands."

"Whoa, Shepard. You're not going with?" Vega was shocked as he watched the shuttle zoom away.

Shepard pulled away form Liara and fisted her hands on the rail next to her. She missed the dirty look Liara shot James.

"We need to go see the Council, remember James?" the Asari hissed, as the big marine looked at her in confusion.

"Huh… Looks like they might be coming to see you, Commander."

Shepard turned, and saw Captain Bailey approaching.

"Commander Shepard. Got word you were arriving."

"Captain Bailey! Good to see you again."

The grizzled soldier shrugged. "Yeah, you too…though it's 'Commander' now."

Shepard smiled at him. "Congratulations…" She trailed off. Bailey certainly didn't seem all that happy about his promotion.

He grunted. "Yeah, Thanks. Now half my job is dealing with political bullshit and escorting dignitaries around. No offense." He added hastily.

Shepard chuckled. This was why she loved Bailey. He was always a shoot from the hip kind of guy.

"None taken. So…you're here to bring us to the Council?"

Bailey eyed her shrewdly. "I'm here to tell you that the Council is expecting you, but they are dealing with their own problems, with the war and everything. They apologise for the inconvenience and …Blah, blah, blah."

James burst out laughing behind her, and she smiled at Bailey's candor.

He punched a code into his omni-tool and continued. "Just meet them here at Udina's office. They will be there soon enough."

"Alright Bailey." Shepard smiled.

The Commander leaned closer to her. "You know Shepard…you might have time to go to the Medical Center before hand. You know, in case you need to check on the progress over there."

The grin fell from Shepard's face. "Thank you Bailey. I'll head there now."

The council could wait twenty fucking minutes. She, James and Liara hailed a cab and headed to the hospital.

Once through the waiting room, Shepard had no idea where to go. She wandered towards the nursing station, and saw a medi-consol. She opened it up and bought as much medi-gel as the Normandy could hold, and a bottle of Peruvian whiskey.

If Kaidan came through this, they would be drinking it and celebrating.

She turned from the consul and a familiar accent came from a corner of the room.

"Shepard! There you are."

Karin Chakwas.

Shepard reached out and grasped the older woman's hand tightly. "Karin…You're here."

"I am. I am working at an Alliance R&D lab down in Shalta ward, coordinating closely with Admiral Hackett. I head that you escaped Earth in the Normandy, and that someone was critically injured. I came as fast as I could."

Relief spread through Shepard. Chakwas was one of the best doctors the Alliance had. Knowing she would be here, able to help Kaidan was an immense relief.

"We had a run in with a Cerberus synthetic on Mars. Kaidan…well, you saw him. He took the worst of it. How is he doing?"

"He is doing very well, all things considered."

Shepards knee's turned to water, and she reached out a hand to steady herself. Chakwas tutted and gestured to a pair of chairs. The duo sat.

"I'm impressed with the Major's resilience, and with Dr. Michel's expertise." Chakwas gestured to the French doctor behind her, whom Shepard recognised as the woman she and Garrus had saved from fist's thugs four years ago.

"So you are not treating him?"

"I wasn't needed. Dr. Michel is a leading expert on biotics, and had everything well under control when I arrived. They'll be taking into surgery this afternoon. Now Shepard. When was the last time you ate something? You look positively… thrashed, my dear."

Shepard laughed. Only Chakwas could tell you how bad you looked, and still sound completely serene. "I don't even know anymore. Days."

"Well, that just won't do." Chakwas hailed one of the nurses, and she returned with a few sandwiches. As Shepard ate hers, Dr. Michel briefed her on Kaidan's progress.

Apparently the head trauma he had was severe, but they had managed to reduce the swelling before permanent damage occurred. He hadn't regained consciousness yet, but Dr. Michel was optimistic that he would pull through. She made sure Shepard understood that these types of injuries could go either way.

He wasn't out of the woods yet.

She told Shepard where Kaidan's room was, and that it would be fine if Shepard wanted to visit him. Shepard rose and thanked her for all her help.

Then Shepard turned to Chakwas. "Listen Karin. Your place is on the Normandy…not some Alliance lab. It would mean a lot to me, and the other crew to have you back with us."

Chakwas' face split into a grin. "I couldn't agree more. See you on board, Shepard."

She turned and left, probably to gather her things.

Shepard took a deep breath, and walked into Kaidan's room.

He lay on a bed beside a wall of windows, the light bathing his battered face. They had stripped him down, and he was bare-chested with a sheet covering his waist and legs. Machines were hooked up to him, and they where whirring and humming.

Now that his under armour was off, Shepard could see that his injuries were not limited to his head. There was bruising down his neck, and he had angry streaks down his collarbone, where the blood had run underneath his skin. His chest had nicks and scrapes where the edges of his armour had cut him from the force of his body crashing into the shuttle.

She moved close and stood beside the bed. "Oh god Kaidan…It's hard to see you like this."

He was always so vital and solid. Like a steady rock that the waves broke over. He looked small, and fragile somehow in that bed.

She reached down and placed her hand on his arm. It was warm, but limp under her fingers. "I don't know if you can hear me, but since you can't tell me to get the hell out, either … I'm gonna take my chances. I'm sorry for the way things are… I can understand why you didn't trust me on Horizon, even if it hurt me… I can understand it. You have to wake up, I want us to work through this… we need to have the chance to work through this."

She bent down, her lips close to his ear. "Don't you dare die, Kaidan. You've got to fight. We need you in this… I need you. You're a hell of a soldier. I have to go now… you know how the council is. I will come back and see you every chance I can get."

She pressed a kiss lightly to his cheek and left the room, squashing the small voice in her mind shrieking at her to stay until he woke. To not let him come through this alone, as she had when she woke in a Cerberus lab.

But, it was time to meet the council… and for Anderson's sake, she daren't push it back.

She took the elevator up to the council chambers, Udina's secretary stating that they had started without her. She began putting her walls into place one by one until she was firmly in her Commander mode. As she approached the dais, she was unsurprised to see the Councillors and Udina bickering back and forth. Liara was shaking her head in disgust.

"Councillors. All the reports are accurate. Earth was attacked, by Reapers…" The chambers grew silent, and the councillors straightened their backs as they turned to face her.

Now that she had their attention, she continued. "We need your help. Everything you can spare."

Tevos, the Asari councillor was the one who spoke. "Each of us faces a similar situation. Even now, the Reapers are pressing on our borders. If we lend you our strength to help defend Earth…our own worlds will fall."

Shepard was not surprised at her answer. The Council had always been narrow-minded, and selfish about their own people. None of them ever seemed to grasp that Shepard was trying to save _everyone_ …not just humanity.

She was however surprised, when Udina spoke up in her defense.

"We must fight this enemy together!" He cautioned.

Valern, the Salarian councillor, looked at him like he was a moron. "And so we should just what? Follow you to Earth?"

Udina's chest puffed out, and he looked like an enraged rooster about to attack. Sparatus, the Turian councillor raised his hand, and Udina deflated slightly.

"Even if we were to unite our fleets, do you really believe we could defeat the Reapers?"

Sparatus and Shepard had always had a somewhat rocky relationship. But there was a look in his eyes that she recognized, having seen it in Garrus' eyes before…desperate hope.

Keeping her eyes on him, she answered calmly. "I don't expect you to follow me without a plan, councillors." She gestured to Liara, who nodded and stepped forward.

The Asari spoke, using her best teacher voice. "Councillors. We have that plan. A blueprint, created by the Protheans during their war with the Reapers."

Sparatus looked between Shepard and Liara, his face unreadable. "A blueprint? For what?"

Liara punched in a command on her omni-tool and the Prothean Device projected to the center of the chamber. "We are still piecing it together, but it appears to be a weapon of some sort."

Valern rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Capable of destroying the Reapers?"

Liara and Shepard shared a glance. "So it would seem." Liara answered him.

Valern studied the blueprints intently. "The scale…it would be a colossal undertaking." He muttered, punching commands into his omni-tool.

"I've forwarded the plans to Admiral Hackett. The remnants of the human fleet are already gathering resources to begin construction." Shepard stated, seeing a brief flare of hope dart across Sparatus' face. _Thank god I've spent so much time with Garrus, otherwise I would have no clue about Turian facial expressions._

"Our initial calculations suggest it is very feasible to build."

"If, we work together." Shepard added to Liara's statement, meeting each councillor's eyes in turn.

They were silent for a moment, then Tevos spoke once again. "Have you considered that the Reapers destroyed the Protheans? What good did this weapon do for them?"

Liara was quick to answer. "It was incomplete. There was a missing component. Here." She pointed out a small piece of the blueprint. "It was referred to only as the catalyst. The Protheans ran out of time before they could finish building it."

The councillors all shared a look, and once more Sparatus asked. "Do you really believe it can stop the Reapers?" He had that haunted look on his face once more, and Shepard felt a sudden spurt of worry… had something happened on the Turian home world?

"Well… It sure as hell beats standing around and arguing about it. And while I haven't always agreed with Udina, he is right about this. We need to stand together. Now, more than ever."

Udina's chest puffed out once more and he looked like he was going to burst with superiority.

"The Reapers wont stop at Earth. They will destroy every organic being in the galaxy if we don't find a way to stop them."

Her heart in her throat, she searched their faces. Tevos turned and looked at Valern, then Sparatus did as well. Valern gave a miniscule shake of his head, and they turned back to face Shepard as her heart sank.

Once again, Tevos acted as spokesperson. "The cruel and unfortunate truth is that while the reapers focus on Earth, we can repair and re-group."

Udina dropped is face into his hand, his shoulder's slumping with defeat. Shepard swallowed the rage bubbling up within her down.

"We are convening a summit amongst our species. If we can manage to secure our own borders, we may once again consider aiding you." Valern added, trying to sound sincere.

"I'm sorry Commander. That is the best we can do." Tevos and Valern turned and began to leave, and after a moment of searching Shepards face, so did Sparatus.

Shepard cursed under her breath as Udina said her name. "Meet me in my office." He ordered, and then he turned and followed the others.

Shepard took a breath in through her nose, then let it out slowly through her mouth. Once she was sure she wasn't going to scream in frustration, she turned to Liara.

"I hope that was an offer of support." The Asari murmured, watching Shepard warily.

"Yeah. I'll go meet Udina. You dig up what you can on this Prothean Device, and tell Joker to stock up on supplies. I don't plan on staying here long if they aren't going to help us."

Liara and Shepard got onto the elevator, and then Liara headed off to do…whatever it was she was doing, while Shepard headed to Udina's office.

She waited about five minutes, hips resting against the rail as she looked over the spacious new office Udina had, before he appeared.

"They are a bunch of self-concerned jackasses Shepard!" He boomed, as soon as he was through the door.

She raised an eyebrow, but stayed silent at his outburst. "Humanity may have a spot on the Council now, but we will always be considered 'second rate!'" He hissed.

"How can they be so blind. After everything they've seen…"

Udina humphed. "They're scared, and they're looking out for themselves."

"Our people are scared." A dual flanged voice rang out behind them. Shepard whirled, hand on her pistol.

Sparatus walked slowly up to them. "And we are looking out for them the best we know how." He finished.

Udina flushed slightly and inclined his head. "Councillor." He ground out.

Sparatus ignored Udina and turned to Shepard. "Commander. I can't give you what you need, but I can tell you how to get it."

Shepard uncrossed her arms and stood straighter. "I'm listening."

"Primarch Vitorian called the war summit, but… we lost contact with him when the Reapers hit Palaven."

Shepard sucked in a breath. _Garrus is on Palaven._

"Those meeting won't proceed without him." Sparatus locked eyes with her now, and she saw how worried he was. "The Normandy is one of the few ships that can extract Primarch Vitorian without being detected."

 _A favour… he is asking me for a fucking favour._

She stepped closer to him, knowing it was slightly insulting to invade a Turians personal space.

"I told you this would happen. And what did you do? Nothing." She spat.

"We can argue the past later if you like." Shepard fought not to let her jaw drop in shock at his bald tone. "But the leaders if this summit Valern mention will be the ones deciding our future, the fate of our fleets, where they fight and with whom."

Udina looked at Shepard, and Sparatus' face turned shrewd. "A grateful Primarch would be a faithful ally in your bid to unite us."

Shepard had to admire his gall, if nothing else. "We are at war, and you want me to play politician?"

"If it gets you what you need…what does it matter." The Turian said, matter-of-factly.

He walked over to a panel of console's and vid screens. Shepard started to chuckle. Sneaky son-of-a-bitch had painted her into a corner.

"Our latest intelligence says that the Primarch has been moved to a base on Palaven's largest moon, Menae."

Sparatus turned, and all pretense dropped from his face. He was now just one man, asking for her help to save his people.

"I've done all I can to help. The rest is up to you, Commander." He held her gaze, then turned on his heel and headed for the door, leaving Shepard to stare at his retreating back.

He paused at the door, and turned back as Udina walked up beside her to study the data on the Primarch.

"There is one other thing…the council wanted me to tell you they have chosen to uphold your spectre status. As a Spectre, various…resources, will be made available to you." He winked, and left the room.

Shepard grinned. With her spectre codes, she could requisition whatever the hell she needed, and go wherever she wanted to get help for the war.

"Well…that was interesting." She muttered.

Udina moved to his desk. "It's a start. In the mean time I will talk to the others, see if we can support this summit. I'll try to keep things moving along."

"Thanks Udina."

He waved her along, and she headed to Spectre requisitions.

Time to stock up on the good shit, then head to Palaven.

00oo00oo00

 _The forest was gray, the trees bare, as their skeletal branches twisted and reached towards the sunlight that was absent from the landscape._

 _I stretched my hand out in front of me, palm upwards, and caught the ash falling from the sky. If it had been snow, it would have been beautiful… But instead it was smothering, making the air thick, and carpeting the ground in the flakes of the dead._

 _I took a step forward, silent in the lifeless forest. Laughter echoed all around me, and I turned, searching for the source._

 _A young boy, holding a toy shuttle darted through the trees ahead. I moved to follow him, my limbs heavy. It was like moving through fog, making me slow._

 _The boy disappeared and I paused, searching among the dead trees for him._

 _The laughter rang through the woods once more, light and joyful, as only a child's laugh could be. I saw him, crouched by a large tree ahead, his back turned to me._

 _I moved forward again, trying, but unable to move quickly. As I neared him, a dull boom rang through the trees, and he stood, fear darkening his face._

 _The young boy from the shuttle turned to me for help, his blond hair turning gray from the ash, tears making streaks down his cheeks._

 _I reached for him, to pick him up and spirit him to safety. The sky turned red, and he ran._

 _I tried to call out, but made no sound._

 _Once more, I followed him through the dead wood._

 _It was not laughter I heard through the trees now, but crying. I saw him, once more crouched by a large tree._

 _It seemed an age passed before I reached him, my arms stretched before me to gather him close._

 _I was steps away when the sky turned red and he began to burn._

 _His clothing charred and his blond hair fell away. His eyes never left mine as his skin blackened, and he crumbled to the ground, becoming the ash on the forest floor._


	40. Chapter 40

**Author's Note: Next stop Palaven! Reunions await, and a certain Major wakes up :)**

 **Hope you enjoy, and thank you to Implslave and Chainline for the reviews, you are both awesome!**

 **(Also, realized I said Primarch Vitorian... instead of the correct Primarch Fedorian last chapter. Apologies and it has been corrected going forward.)**

 **Chapter Forty**

Gasping for air, Shepard sat bolt upright in bed, covered in sweat. She looked frantically around for a moment, then remembered she was on the Normandy, headed for Palaven.

Hands shaking from the nightmare, she got out of bed and ran to her washroom, heaving up the contents of her dinner as she bent over the toilet.

Once she was done, she stood and went to the sink, scrubbing her face with a cold cloth.

She just stood there for a long moment, forehead resting on the cool glass, trying to force the last remnants of the nightmare away.

There was a soft chime; someone was requesting permission to enter her cabin.

Rinsing her mouth, she moved to the door.

Liara was waiting on the other side, her expression worried.

"Liara. What can I help you with?" Shepard knew she sounded exhausted, but as it was four am and she hadn't truly slept in over two days, she didn't really care to hide it.

"I've been forwarding the Turian councillor information on the Prothean device. It can't be built without council support, but he is not budging until their Primarch is safe."

Shepard nodded, and moved wearily to the loft rail beside the elevator and rested her hands on it, head bowed.

"I know, Liara."

She felt the Asari move closer to her. "Jane…are you alright?"

Shepard turned her head and met Liara's eyes. They shone with concern.

Shepard sighed, and scrubbed a hand across her face. "I didn't get what you'd call a 'good night's rest'"

Liara grasped Shepards hand in her own. "There's more to it than that, Shepard. What's really bothering you?"

Shepard warred with her self for a few moments. Garrus was the one that she leaned on, opened up to… but with what was happening on Palaven, who knew where he even was right now. She thought again of the boy, flames licking over his skin as she stood helpless. She shuddered.

"Jesus… I don't know Liara. What's _not_ wrong. Kaidan… Kaidan almost died, and I just stood there, watching. The people on Earth… so many of them I could have helped, if I had just stayed and fought longer."

"Shepard-"

"No, don't… I know we had to come here, to try and get people to fight… but its like I'm cursed. Those around me, those that I care about, are always the ones to get hurt. Or worse." She said bitterly.

 _Garrus took a rocket to the face while she watched, Kaidan had his head crushed and she stood there. Wallace took a bullet to the throat protecting her, because the Batarians rightfully wanted revenge._

 _Ash was left to die in a fiery explosion, and the boy… the boy she just walked away from because he went into a damn vent._

"Bullshit Shepard." Liara said calmly, and Shepard's head snapped up to meet her.

"What?"

"Bullshit. None of this, or what happened to any of them is your fault. I know you blame yourself for Ash, and for everyone you couldn't save… but you're wrong. So many more would be dead now if you hadn't been there. And as for Kaidan, he is a soldier. He knows the risk. As do you."

Shepard nodded thickly. Picturing him laying in that bed, so broken, so still, made her heart ache. Liara pulled her into a hug.

"Kaidan is a fighter Shepard. He _will_ pull through." The Asari murmured.

Shepard sniffed and nodded, stepping back out of Liara's embrace.

"Sorry."

"Never apologise to me Shepard. You forget, I've been in that head of yours… I know exactly how you think. We will beat them, because we have _you_."

Shepard laughed. "Ah, Liara. Sometimes I forget that before you were the shadow broker, you were just an easily impressed nerd. Thank you. It was actually nice to talk about it. I feel a bit better."

Liara smiled, and turned to leave. "Hey, hey, wait a minute. I wanted to ask how Feron was? Did you leave him in charge of the base?" Shepard prodded

Liara's crests turned dark blue. "Fer- Feron? Oh umm... Yes. He is watching over things until I can establish a mobile base. He is fine."

Shepard waggled her eyebrows at her friend's obvious feelings for the handsome Drell. "Mmm hmmm. I'll just bet he is fine. Make sure you take some time to get in touch with him. If we get close to Hagalaz, we will stop in a say hey."

Liara sputtered some more, but before Shepard could take pity on her, the elevator door opened and a petite brunette stepped through with a data pad clutched in her hand.

"Commander Shepard. I'm specialist-"

She froze when she saw Shepard and Liara standing together looking at her.

"Oh! I-uh… I beg your pardon. I thought you were alone."

Liara shot Shepard a look of triumph and scuttled away. _Probably to call Feron_ , Shepard snickered in her mind.

Shepard focused on the woman in front of her.

The young woman snapped into a salute. "Commander Shepard. I am comm specialist Stephanie Traynor, with Alliance R and D. I was part of the team retrofitting the Normandy after you turned it over to the Alliance."

Shepard nodded, and motioned her closer. Traynor dropped her salute, and approached.

"There weren't many of us aboard when the Reaper's hit-" Traynor babbled in a rush.

Shepard put up her hands. "Whoa, slow down Traynor. Your doing just fine."

The woman's shoulders slumped with relief. "Thank you, Commander. I worked in a lab… I never thought I wouldn't be serving on a ship."

Shepard opened up the door to her Cabin, and motioned Traynor to follow her. "Why don't you tell me about the retro-fits."

They settled on Shepard's couch, and Traynor explained the changes. Shepard was just starting to pray for the tech babble to end, when EDI popped up.

"Shepard. Some of our systems require further testing, and specialist Traynor has been extremely effect during installation. I would prefer that she remain on board."

Shepard pursed her lips and studied Traynor. "Got it, EDI. Traynor, looks like you're officially a member of the Normandy now."

"Wait… since when does a virtual intelligence make requests…" Traynor had a strange look on her face.

"EDI's an A.I…not a V.I. She is fully self-aware.' Shepard said slowly, not quite understanding how Traynor could have missed it.

Horror bloomed on Traynor's face. "Oh! I knew it." She moaned and buried her face in her hands. "I knew Joker was lying."

EDI popped up once more, her tone apologetic. "Jeff requested I pretend to be a simple V.I to protect myself. I apologise for the deception."

Shepard was still confused as to why Traynor would be upset about this. _Maybe she thought serving with an A.I was dangerous?_ I mean they were technically illegal in council space.

"Thanks EDI…and I apologise for all those times I talked about how…er…attractive your voice was..."

Shepard smothered a grin. Traynor had a crush on EDI's sexy robot voice…and had _mentioned_ it to her.

Freaking. Hilarious.

"Er, anyway Commander. Let me walk you through the new upgrades."

Shepard listened as Traynor rattled off the additions to the Normandy, ending with the fact that Liara had taken over Miranda's old office.

And thus the Normandy would also be home to the Galaxy's most feared information broker.

Traynor's omni-tool pinged. "Oh, Commander. Admiral Hackett is requesting you. You can contact him in the comm room."

Shepard dismissed Traynor and headed for Hackett.

"Commander." The grizzled veteran nodded at her once EDI had finished clearing up his holo in the conference room.

"Udina updated me on your meeting with the council. Sounds like they are running scared."

Shepard sighed, not wanting to defend the council, but also not wanting to burn bridges between them and the Alliance. "We did present them with a lot of unknowns. They are feeling threatened and want immediate solutions. Not theories."

Hackett's brows drew together in a fierce frown. "Theories are all we've got right now. What's your plan?"

"I'm trying to get the Turian Primarch for a summit meeting with the Asari and Salarians. I'll bypass the council and appeal directly to their leadership. The council is setting me up perfectly… and they don't even know it."

Shepard resisted the urge to cackle with glee and rub her palms together.

Hackett leaned back, rocking on his heels. "That's good Shepard. I like it. This is where we start laying the ground work for our counter attack. It's not just me, its everyone back on Earth. Anderson and what's left of the Alliance forces have to hold out, until we deal with the enemy. So we need this to be your priority."

Shepard saluted. "I understand, Admiral."

"Good. Then make it happen, Shepard. I'll be expecting regular updates on your progress."

The Admiral clicked off, and Shepard was left wondering what to do now that she had a few hours to kill before having to gear up for Palaven. While they were on the Citadel, Shepard had picked up a few more bodies to help out, but her crew was pretty light. She still only had Liara and James for ground missions.

Speaking of James… things had gotten pretty tense with them when they were on Mars…and the big marine had been pissed to leave earth.

She headed down to the cargo bay, where EDI said he had set up shop.

Shepard wandered over to the area he had made his own, and leaned casually against a post. He was doing pull-ups, and gave her a glance before continuing with what he was doing.

"Hey Shepard. How did it go with the Council?"

"Oh you know…Same as usual. Non-committal, un-helpful."

James snorted, his muscles bunching as he continued to raise and lower himself on the bar. "Bet they still wanted you to help them out, no?"

Shepard smirked. "Yup. We are off to rescue a Turian Primarch from Palaven."

The big Marine paused for a moment, then grunted as he hauled himself up once more. "Sounds like fun. Never been to the Turian home world. So, you down here for something particular?"

Shepard cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Or…are you just looking?" He gave her a cheeky grin.

Shepard chuckled. After six months living in each others space, she and Vega had developed a habit of shameless flirting. It appeared James was willing to let the argument go and slide back into their old habits.

Shepard had gone over a year (well 3 if you counted the time she was dead) without the light flirting she and Kaidan had done on the SR-1. Having someone, especially someone she liked and found good looking, to make her feel like a woman sometimes, and not just Commander Shepard, was incredibly liberating.

She squashed the small voice worrying about what others would think and returned James grin with a smirk.

"Well, I did just come to chat, but I might stay for the show." She settled back and crossed her arms under her breasts, letting her eyes track his movements.

"Ha! Have to work harder than that if you want me to blush." Vega grunted. "I mean c'mon Shepard, what do you want to talk about? You already know my service record."

Shepard kept her face blank. "I don't actually. In case you didn't notice, I didn't exactly have access to personnel records when we met. Anderson just said he thought you and I would be 'good for each other.'"

"Huh…Guess I forgot about that." He lifted one last time, then dropped lightly to the floor, rolling and cracking his neck.

He turned to face her, and raised an eyebrow at her as he cracked his knuckles. "Well, think you can dance and talk at the same time?"

 _Oh ho! Sparring. Thank god._ Shepard desperately needed to work out some of her frustrations… and James was not one to pull punches. "Yes I can Lieutenant."

"You pulling rank on me boss? Cause down here, we are just soldiers, no?"

He dropped into a crouch, hands raised defensively.

"Sure. But this _soldier_ will clean the floor with you if you step out of line."

Shepard threw out a jab, which he blocked, and returned with a mean right hook. She leapt back and it swung harmlessly past her face.

"Ha! You sound like my old CO."

They threw a few more jabs back and forth, dancing across the bay, blocking the hits.

"Oh yeah? And who was that?" Shepard grunted, taking a jab to the ribs.

"Captain Tony. He was a hard assed son-of-a-bitch, but a good leader." James dropped his guard slightly as he spoke, and Shepard send a left hook across his cheekbone.

James shook it off, and brought his guard up. She winked at him.

"Nice one." James grunted.

He sent a flurry of jabs at her, and she blocked most, but took a few more shots to her body. Shepard could see James working his jaw, and knew he had some shit to work through… shit like she did after Elysium. Getting it out through sparring had worked for her and Wallace, so she may as well give it a try with James.

"What do you mean, was?"

James' face went hard. "Died, with most of my squad. Protecting a civilian colony from a Collector attack." He sent out a jab, and this time it was Shepard who had dropped her guard in shock, and took it across her cheekbone.

 _James had been fighting the Collectors?_ "And the Colony?" She ground out, sending a left cross to his ribs.

"It was either them, or the intel we had on the Collectors." James was working himself into a good mad now, letting his anger override his control. He began throwing more and more at her, and she went into a guard position and let them break on her block. "Intel we could have used to destroy them!"

Shepard took another across her same cheekbone, and the skin split, sending a trickle of blood down her cheek to match the one coming from James' nose. His mad was now fully directed at her, same as hers had been at Wallace, while she was still reeling from Elysium.

"I chose the intel.' He spat, and she took advantage of his rage to crack a vicious undercut along his chin.

"Sorry. That's a tough call." She grunted.

James spat blood onto the floor, and raised his hands once more. Shepard dropped into guard. They were both panting now, and James was still looking pissed, and it was definitely directed at her.

"The best part was, we didn't even need the intel in the end." He threw a right hook and she dodged. "Because _you_ were out saving the entire galaxy by taking out the Collector home world!"

 _Ahhh… he felt his squad had died because of a bad call. And it was only a bad call because her destruction of the base rendered his info irrelevant._

"Vega… You had no idea what the hell was happening with the rest of us. You can't blame yourself" Shepard blocked a shot across her ribs, and cracked another jab to his damaged nose.

"Who says I'm blaming myself!" He hissed.

"I do." She said, and whipped her leg behind his knees, sending him crashing to the ground. She was on him in an instant, and he was pinned.

"So what. You're a shrink now too!" He panted, struggling to break her grip.

"Pfft. No. But that stunt with the shuttle back on Mars was reckless. Your lucky to be alive."

"So!" He deflated slightly and she eased her hold.

"So, maybe you don't care if you live or die."

"Or maybe…" Vega rolled beneath her suddenly and she was flat on her back, with him straddling her. "I'm just willing to do whatever the fuck it takes to win this goddamn war."

"Maybe you are." She acknowledged from the ground, looking up at the warring emotions on his face. "But if you are half as good as I think you are, we need you alive, Vega."

He was silent for a moment, then got up. He offered her a hand, and she grabbed it, letting him pull her to her feet.

"I've been through this James… too many times. It was the right call." She said softly.

He clenched his jaw, then nodded slightly and let the tension flow from his frame.

"Thanks for the pep talk." He smirked, wiping the trickle of blood from his nose.

"Anytime." She grinned, touching her cheek gingerly, and turning to head for the showers.

"Hey." He called, and she turned back, eyebrow raised. "Thanks for the dance, Lola. We will have to do it again sometime."

Shepard laughed. "Lola huh?"

James shrugged. "You kinda look like a Lola."

She shook her head, and realised how glad she was to have Vega here. "You're cute James, so I guess I'll let you get away with it… for now." She licked her lips and winked at him.

His cheeks darkened slightly and he cursed. "Dios. _Now_ you made me blush"

They laughed and Shepard hit the showers.

00oo00oo00

The Normandy cleared the Relay and emerged into the Turians home system. Shepard sucked in a horrified breath.

The Turian fleet was engaging Reaper forces…with the Reapers on the Palaven side. Joker took the Normandy through the Turian fleet silently heading for Menae. No one spoke.

Behind the Reapers, Palaven was dark, except for the fires burning so brightly you could see them from from this far out. It was like a patchwork quilt of flames. Sparatus was right… the Reapers had hit the mightiest military power in Council space hard.

Menae loomed close, and Shepard and her team headed into the shuttle. There were fires on the small moon, but nothing like what was happening on Palaven.

Shepard and James entered the shuttle, followed quickly by Liara, who had yet to see what awaited them. Shepard didn't want to be the one to enlighten her.

Their shuttle pilot, Steve Cortez, activated the vid screen showing the view from space. Liara moved to the screen in horror. "Oh no…No."

Shepard clenched her jaw, refusing to let her fear show. James looked between Liara and Shepard, confused.

"We have an old friend on Palaven." Shepard said softly, and understanding dawned on his face.

As they watched the footage of the battling fleet, things looked pretty dire. "Holy hell. They are getting decimated." James hissed.

"The strongest military in the Galaxy, and the Reapers are obliterating it." Shepard shook her head in disgust.

Liara looked at Shepard, and asked carefully. "Was it like this on Earth?"

"Yes." Shepard said simply. Now was not the time to elaborate.

"Goddess Shepard… I'm so sorry."

Shepard just nodded, her jaw tight as she and James shared a haunted look.

"Commander! The L.Z is getting swarmed!" Cortez called.

Shepard rose, and readied her assault rifle. "James, open that hatch."

Husks were crawling over barricades, swarming into the landing zone. Shepard and James took out enough of them that Cortez could set them down. They leapt from the shuttle and headed for the closest base.

Intel said the Primarch would be there.

Her team moved along the edges of the Turian barricade until they reached the gates, then Shepard asked a soldier where to find the person in charge. She was directed to a small enclosed unit, with several Turians inside pouring over a map.

"General." Shepard said, moving up beside the Commanding Officer.

"Commander Shepard. We heard you were coming, but I didn't believe it. I'm General Corinthus."

"I have come to get Primarch Fedorian." She stated baldly and the General froze.

"Primarch Fedorian is dead. His shuttle was shot down an hour ago as it tried to leave the moon."

Shepard swore. "That's gonna complicate things. I'm sorry. I heard he was a good man."

Corinthus nodded. "And a friend. He would have been an outstanding diplomat."

"So what happens now?"

Before Corinthus could answer, Liara did. "The Turian hierarchy provides very clear lines of succession."

"Right." Shepard nodded and turned back to Corinthus. "General Corinthus?"

The older Turian shook his head. "With such heavy casualties, it is hard for me to be certain who the next Primarch is. Palaven command will know." He punched a few commands into his omni-tool, then cursed. "However, at the moment contacting them is impossible. Our comm tower is out. Husks are swarming that area. We can't get close enough to repair it."

Shepard pulled her assault rifle out, and nodded to James and Liara. "Don't worry General. I'll get your comm tower operational."

"Thank you, Commander. I'll keep working on things at this end."

Shepard nodded, and her team moved out. The General had not been wrong about the husks, they were fucking everywhere. Once they made it to the tower, Shepard sent Liara up it to repair it, while she and James held off wave after wave of the husks.

Shepard set up with her sniper rifle, taking them out as the crawled over the lip of the canyon, and James was blasting at anything even remotely close to them with his shotgun. By the time Liara crawled back down reporting the tower should be GTG, they were covered in gore.

She punched in a few commands, getting the tower activated. "General, do you read me?"

"I read you Commander. I will contact Palaven Command."

"Let me know when you hear something. I will stay here and help your men until I hear from you."

Shepard and her team headed back to where the wounded Turians were, and repelled wave after wave of husks as they poured in from all directions. They fought it out for several long minutes, and when there was finally a break in the waves of enemies, Corinthus comm'd her.

"Commander Shepard come in."

"I'm here, General."

"I have the information from Palaven command. Please return to the base ASAP."

"Will do." Shepard and James each helped a Turian to their feet, and they hauled ass back behind the barricade, leaving the wounded with the medics.

Shepard wiped the sweat from her face, and jogged back to General Corinthus. "What have you got?"

"As your partner said, succession is usually simple… but right now, the hierarchy is in chaos. There are so many dead or MIA."

Shepard felt for him…But she had to get the fuck out of here. "I need someone. I don't care who as long as they can get the Turian resources we need to win this fucking war."

Corinthus gaped at her.

"I'm on it, Shepard. We will find you the Primarch." A familiar dual flanged voice called.

Shepards heart thudded in her chest and she whirled to face the ramp, and the familiar Turian approaching.

"Garrus!" Ignoring everyone around her, she launched herself at the big Turian. He chuckled and caught her in a hug, humming at her.

"Vakarian, Sir! I didn't see you arrive." Corinthus stammered.

"Gods Garrus… I was so worried." Shepard whispered, then released him, finally remembering where they were.

"Me to, Shepard." He whispered back, then turned to Corinthus.

"At ease, General."

 _Holy. Fuck. Garrus had Generals saluting him now?_ Apparently he wasn't just an ex- C-sec cop anymore.

"I thought you would be on Palaven…" Shepard said.

"If we lose this moon, we lose Palaven." Garrus sighed. "I'm the closest damn thing we have to an expert on Reaper forces, so I'm, uh… Advising." He shrugged.

Shepard grinned. The tension that had been coiled in her belly since arriving began to loosen. Garrus was alive, okay, and with her again. Fuck you, Reapers.

"James, this is Garrus Vakarian. He helped me stop the Collectors…and he is a hell of a soldier."

James shook Garrus' hand, and tried to wipe the grin off his face but failed. "Yeah… I know who you are amigo… I saw the armour you left on the Normandy. Bad-ass."

Garrus looked at Shepard who just grinned. Liara stepped out from behind Shepard. "Good to see you in one piece Garrus."

"Liara!" Garrus pulled her into a hug as well.

Corinthus cleared his throat, and they all jumped. I guess the rest of the reunion would have to wait.

"General Corinthus filled me in. We know who we are after."

Corinthus nodded and spoke up. "Palaven Command tells me that the next Primarch is General Adrien Victus."

"Victus? His name has crossed my desk." Liara said. Shepard cocked an eyebrow at that. If the man had caught the eye of the shadow broker…that was interesting.

"You know him Garrus?" Shepard asked her friend

Garrus grinned. "I was fighting along side him this morning. He is life-long military, gets results, popular with his troops. Not so popular with military command. He has a reputation for playing fast and loose with accepted military strategy."

Shepard crossed her arms underneath her chest. "Unconventional thinking may be the only way to save Palaven…and Earth."

"He will do whatever it takes. He kind of reminds me of this Human Spectre I knew…" Garrus nudged her arm.

"Hah. Ok. Let's get him on the shuttle and get out of here."

"Commander! Come in!" Joker's frantic voice rang through her comm.

"Can this wait Joker? We are in the middle of of a war zone." Shepard hissed.

"No. We've got a situation on the Normandy. Its like she is possessed. Shutting down systems, powering up weapons… I can't find the source."

"Shit. I need the Normandy standing by, we may have to bug out." Shepard looked at Liara.

"Should I go back and take a look?" Liara asked.

"Do it." Liara took off at a jog, back towards Cortez and the shuttle. "Joker, Liara is en route in the shuttle to help out."

"Garrus, you said you were with Victus this morning?"

"Yeah, but we got separated. I went to bolster a flank that was breaking. He could be anywhere by now."

Corinthus called to them from his operations center. "We are trying to raise him now, Commander."

"Ok. Garrus, take me to the last place you saw Victus."

"Sure thing, Shepard." He pulled his assault rifle across his chest, and it looked strange to see him using that instead of his sniper rifle. But as they would be hoofing it… this was definitely more practical.

Garrus took point, with Shepard and James right behind him. It was relatively quiet for them as they jogged. In the distance there were massive explosions, and you could see intense fire fighting taking place in the canyon below.

They came across a Turian patrol who directed them towards where they had last seen Victus a half hour before.

Apparently tired of the silence, James began to chat as they jogged. "So Lola, you really think this summit will work? I mean, Turians, Asari, Salarians…where's the Krogan and Batarians? Where's the meat?"

Shepard sighed and shared a pained glance with Garrus. "It's not that easy."

"The Batarians took the first hit when the Reapers arrived. There's not much left of them now. And the Krogan have never forgiven us for the Genophage." Garrus supplied, not puffing at all.

 _Bastard._

James snorted. "Right. Turians _sterilized_ them."

"Well, to be fair… the Salarians did most of it."

"Doesn't matter. The Krogan hate them both for it." Shepard interrupted, before it could turn into a full blown debate.

"Yeah… so they wont be joining us." Garrus quipped.

"Too bad." James puffed, his heavy armour weighing him down. "I've fought with the Krogan. They are tough sons-a-bitches."

The conversation trailed off, but a kernel kept burning in the back of Shepards mind. James was right…without the Krogan, they were fucked. _How in the hell was she going the get the Krogan, Salarians, Asari and Turians to work together?_

There was a terrible boom and smoke began to rise around the next corner.

"That sounded bad!" Called James.

Shepard launched into a sprint. "Double time! No Reaper is taking this Primarch from me!" She snarled, racing around the bend.

The camp was swarming with cannibals and marauders. Husked versions of Batarians and Turians. They were much deadlier than the human husks, simply for the fact that they had retained the knowledge on how to use guns… and grenades.

Garrus switched to his sniper rifle, and hunkered down to cover them. Shepard and James pulled out their assault rifles and launched into the fray.

The battle was ferocious… and it didn't get any easier when several brutes showed up. Brutes were husked Krogan… and they were massive.

Shepard rolled out of the way when the monstrous creature charged her, the ground shaking as it roared past. She unloaded a clip into its back, and it collapsed on the ground with a howl. James finished it off with a round through its head.

"Jesus, this is grim." James muttered as he skirted around the bodies of several Turian soldiers.

"Yeah, but the tide is turning!" Garrus called, taking down a marauder with a shot through the eye.

"Let's turn up the heat gentlemen!" Shepard yelled, and switched to her shotgun. She launched herself into a cluster of cannibals, blasting the arm off of one with her first shot. She was just finishing off the last one, when Garrus called a warning.

A round pierced her upper arm, and she was spun around. A marauder had gotten a shot on her while her shields were weak. She felt the soothing cool of the medi-gel her suit pumped into the wound, and grinned ferociously as Garrus took out the one that shot her. Her grin didn't last as another Brute roared it's challenge and began to charge. This time, Shepard wasn't able to roll free quick enough. It bowled her over with crushing force. Wheezing, she tried to bring up her shotgun in time, but wasn't fast enough.

It picked her up with a roar, and threw her across the field. She landed hard, rolling in a tangle of limbs, her shotgun falling from numb fingers. She felt several ribs crack upon impact. She spit out a mouthful of blood, and activated her omni-blade. When the brute reached her again, she screamed at it, and drove her blade to the hilt into its face. Twitching, it crashed to the ground as James reached her, blasting at it with his shotgun.

"Dios Mio Shepard! I thought you were toast. You alright?"

"Peachy." She hissed, whipping the blood off her chin and staggering back to her feet.

The last cannibal fell the the ground, and Shepard jogged to the command center, ignoring the trickle of blood running from a cut above her eyebrow, and the pain in her ribs and arm.

"General Victus?" She called, and a Turian lowered the ramp on the command center.

"Yes." He said warily, eyeing her and James.

"I'm Commander Shepard, of the Normandy."

Victus' mandibles flared with shock. "Commander. I know who you are. I can't wait to find out what brings you out here."

Garrus jogged up beside her, and Victus' attention snapped to him. "Vakarian! Where'd you go?"

Garrus tilted his head in confusion. "Heavy Reaper unit on the right flank… I believe your exact words were 'Get that thing the hell off my men.'"

Victus nodded. "Right. Appreciate it."

Shepard stepped forward, every inch the Commander every one in the Galaxy was wary of. "General, you are needed off planet. I was sent here to get you out."

Victus looked around. "It will take something beyond important to get me to leave my men, or my Turian brothers and sisters in their time of need."

Shepard looked to Garrus, who straightened his shoulders. "Fedorian was killed. You're the new Primarch."

Victus closed his eyes, and hurt flashed across his face. Shepard plowed ahead. "You are needed immediately to chair a summit and represent your people in the fight against the Reapers."

He walked past her, and stared up at Palaven…the massive burn representing where Garrus had grown up foremost in their view. "I'm Primarch of Palaven?" His voice was shocked. "Negotiating for the Turian Hierarchy?"

Shepard and Garrus shared a look. "Yes."

Victus turned back to meet her gaze. "I've spent my whole like in the military. I'm no diplomat… I hate diplomats." He said the last like he was horrified by the realization he was about to become one.

Shepard snorted. That had been almost exactly what she had said to Anderson when he had ordered her to be one. "War is your resume. At a time like this, we need leader's who have been through that hell."

Victus rubbed a mandible thoughtfully. "Well, I like that. Your right."

"Honestly, uniting the races might take as much strength as facing the Reapers." She grimaced. She gestured at the bodies and burning ruins around them. "You see this devastation Primarch? Double that for Earth."

Victus looked shocked. "I need an Alliance. I need the Turian fleet." She continued.

He looked around, and then back up at Palaven. Garrus gave her a worried glance. She kept her focus on Victus. He returned his attention to her, and slowly walked until he was right in front of her, her neck craned back to look at his near seven-foot height.

"Give me a moment to say goodbye to my men."

Shepard nodded, and inside, a part of her squealed and did a happy dance. Garrus… didn't look so happy

As Victus moved away to his men, Garrus approached Shepard and said softly. "Without him down here, there is a good chance we loose this moon."

Shepard looked at Garrus, her eyes sympathetic but firm. "Without him up there, there's a good chance we lose _everything_."

In the distance, a Harbinger class Reaper was laying waste to anything in its path as it walked along the surface of Menae. Garrus looked up at it in disgust. "Look at that… and they want my opinion on how to stop it? Failed C-sec officer, vigilante…and I'm their expert advisor. You really think you can win this thing Shepard?" Garrus didn't look at her, so she reached out and touched his arm.

He looked down at her small hand on his large arm, and then met her eyes. His eyes were filled with grief and defeat. The same as hers had been when she left Anderson behind on earth.

'Yeah… I don't know Garrus. But I am sure as hell gonna give it my best shot." She said with conviction, her eyes burning into his.

"Well… I'm damn sure no one else can do it." Garrus muttered. Then he straightened his back, and clamped a hand on her shoulder. "For whatever it is worth Shepard. I am with you."

Relief coursed through Shepard, even as she had to make sure. "Garrus… are you sure the Normandy is where you want to be right now?"

"There is no Vakarian without Shepard, remember? If I am going into hell once more, it had better be at your side."

Shepard hugged him once more, ignoring his 'ompf' of surprise. "Thank god. I wouldn't want anyone else watching my six."

"Cool… Archangel and Shepard, cracking skulls and taking names." James whooped, while Garrus looked at him curiously.

"He figured it out when he saw the amour… Liara and I may have enlightened him to the rest." She shrugged apologetically.

Victus was making his way back towards them. "You ready to go, Primarch?" Shepard called.

"One thing. Commander, I appreciate your need for the Turian fleets, but I cannot spare them. Not while my home world is burning." He eyed her calculatingly. "If the pressure could be taken off Palaven…"

Shepard heaved a frustrated sigh. "That's a pretty tall order, Victus." She muttered at him.

He stepped closer, so only she and her team could hear him. "We need the Krogan. I can't see us winning this thing without them. Get them to help us… then we can help you."

 _Fuck. A. Duck._

"The Krogan." She repeated, looking at him like the fucking nutter he was.

"Looks like your summit just got a lot more interesting." Garrus chirped, ignoring the dirty glare she shot him.

"I'll see what I can do." Shepard shook Victus' hand, and called for Cortez to bring the shuttle. "Maybe I'll just ride my golden unicorn to Tuchanka and ask them nicely to help, while shooting rainbows from my tits." She muttered and James smothered a laugh behind her.

00oo00oo00

Kaidan woke slowly, every fiber of his being in pain. He groaned, and cracked his eyelids. Machines chirped and whirred around him, letting him now he was in a medical center of some kind. Opening his eyes farther, he realised he wasn't on the Normandy. A wall of windows was on his left, showing him a view of what looked to be the Citadel.

He snapped his eyes closed once more, bracing himself against the pain from the light. The door opened with a whoosh, and a familiar face appeared as he peeked to see who had entered.

Dr. Michel.

He, Garrus and Shepard had helped her out a few years ago when Fist had been pressuring her for intel on Tali. She smiled warmly and moved next to his bed, checking a data pad as she did do.

"Major Alenko, it is good to see you awake. We were a little worried there for a while after your surgery."

"What…happened?" His voice was hoarse, and he swallowed thickly.

She offered him an ice chip as she told him what had happened.

"You have been here for four days. Commander Shepard brought you directly here from Mars. Apparently, you were assaulted by some kind of Synthetic, which did considerable damage to your skull, and implant, when it attacked you."

Snippets of what had happened flashed through Kaidan's mind. He had been following Shepard as she chased after Dr. Coré. Once he had caught up with them, something had happened with the burning Cerberus shuttle…He remembered Shepard screaming his name, then everything went blank.

"We operated on you, putting in cerebral splints around your biotic implant to stabilize it. Things were very touch and go, Major. You are a very lucky man." Dr. Michel continued, patting his arm.

The fog he was fighting through sent its fingers creeping through his mind, making him tired. He tried to focus on what Dr. Michel was saying, but it pulled him under, back into the oblivion of sleep.

When Kaidan awoke the next day, his memories were clear.

Once again, he had been a total ass to Shepard, accusing her of working with Cerberus, when he knew she had been free of contact with them. He grimaced as he remembered jabbing a finger in her chest and asking her point blank to tell him what the hell was going on.

The look she had sent him when he basically called her a husk… he cringed.

 _Gods, why does my mouth always have to run before my mind has a chance to prepare itself._

 _Idiot._

The door opened, and Dr. Michel came through once again. This time with a smile on her face.

"You are looking much better today, Major. How are you feeling."

"Like I got my ass kicked by a robot." He snarked, feeling hungry and sore.

"Well, lets see if you can handle something a little stronger than an I.V, hmm? The nurse is going to come by with some soup for you."

"Thanks." He fidgeted slightly, and Dr. Michel raised an eyebrow at him.

"Is there something else, Major?"

"Well, I was wondering if Commander Shepard had been by… or if she was still on the Citadel."

"Ahh. The Commander came by shortly after you were brought in, but she had to leave. You can see for yourself if you like."

She turned on the vid screen above his bed, and turned it to a news report. "She is on every channel it seems" The Doctor smiled, and left the room.

There was a Turian reporter on screen, looking battered and a little scared.

"…The situation on Palaven is dire, and we are here reporting from Menae where the situation is not much better. Systems Alliance Commander Shepard arrived several hours ago, on a mission to secure our new Primarch, Adrien Victus."

The feed cut to several vids of Shepard. She was hopping off a shuttle, Liara and Lt. Vega close on her heels as she began blasting husks with her assault rifle.

It panned to another shot of her, in a new location. Kaidan watched in horror as a massive brute threw her viciously across the ground. She was bleeding, and in obvious pain as it closed in on her. Kaidan could see Vega sprinting towards them for all he was worth in the background, but he couldn't make it in time. There was a flare of orange, and Shepard rammed her omni-blade into its head, bringing them both to the ground. She staggered to her feet, and grabbed her gun out of the dirt as Vega reached her.

The shot switched again, and showed Shepard, Vega, an older Turian that must be Victus…and Garrus.

Shepard pulled Garrus into a hug, and they whispered something to each other, before breaking away with a grin. The one he guessed was Victus moved forward, and shook her hand, then they all stepped onto an Alliance shuttle.

"…There you have it folks. Commander Shepard has taken Primarch Victus off planet to assist the war effort. The soldiers she helped here on Menae are up next, giving interviews about their brief time, with the Saviour of the Citadel."

Kaidan clicked the Vid off, feeling sick to his stomach.

Shepard's happiness when she hugged Garrus had shone from her face like a beacon. When she had been on the Normandy with him… the best way to describe her expression was, well - wary.

The voice in his head told him not to jump to conclusions…that doing so had done nothing good for him before. But his heart roared with jealously. He brought up his omni-tool and typed her a quick message.

Once it was sent, the nurse bustled in with his soup, and began to go through what the next steps of his rehabilitation would bring.

Kaidan sighed, and hoped he would see Shepard soon.

They had a lot to talk about.

00oo00oo00

To say Shepard was in a bad mood would have been a severe understatement. She had three fractured ribs, and her arm was in a sling. Her one eye was black, and she had 4 stitches in her eyebrow. She never thought she would miss what Cerberus had done to her… but healing at a normal rate after having superhuman healing powers, sucked hard.

And to top it all off, the Asari had pulled out of the summit when Shepard had told them about her plan to bring in the Krogan. It was touch and go on whether or not she would still be able to get the Salarians to attend.

Muttering to herself about the stupid Asari, Shepard nearly crashed into Traynor.

"Oh, Commander. I am sorry."

"What is it Traynor?" Shepard asked, rubbing her temples.

"You have new message on you private Terminal. I've weeded through what looks to be spam mail, but you have something from a Major Alenko, with the Alliance. It may be important; do you know him?"

Shepard grinned, and headed for the elevator. If Kaidan was messaging her, that meant he was awake!

Once in her room, she opened her terminal.

 _Shepard._

 _Next time you are on the Citadel, come by the hospital if you have time._

 _I am awake, and dying of boredom._

 _I would really like to see you._

 _Kaidan._

Shepard's heart thudded, and she realised she was as excited as when they had gone on their first date. Chuckling at herself for acting like a school girl with a crush, she rose to head down to the main battery. Victus had told her earlier that Garrus was already camped out down there working on calibrations.

As she stepped off the elevator in the CIC to grab a tea on her way, the Normandy had a power surge. Everything went black and Shepard froze.

"Commander! EDI just went off line!" Joker voice was panicked through the comm.

"What do you mean, 'offline!'"

"I don't know. She is not responding, and I can't access the A.I Core diagnostics." You better get down there and check it out."

Shepard cursed and headed to the A.I Core, ignoring the worried looks from various crew members as she jogged by. Once she reached the core, two very worried looking marines stood at attention, guns trained on the door; where smoke was trickling from under the door.

"Careful Commander. There could be an electrical fire or something, the fire extinguishers have activated."

With one marine holding a fire extinguisher, and the other an assault rifle. Shepard headed into the core.

"C'mon EDI. Talk to me.' Shepard called as she moved into the small smoke filled room.

As Shepard drew abreast of it, the A.I Core mainframes lit up, and turned back on.

A visor glowed orange through the smoke, and Shepard pulled her pistol. There was a 'click, click, click,' and a gleaming metal leg stepped clear of the smoke. Shepard followed the line of it upwards as the Cerberus machine stepped into view.

"Is there a particular topic you wish to discuss, Shepard?"

EDI's voice came from the machine, but Shepard kept her pistol trained on its head.

"EDI?" _Could she have managed to put herself in there somehow?_

The machine raised one perfectly sculpted hand, and studied it intently. "Yes."

"You're in Dr. Eva's body…" The pistol lowered a fraction.

"Well, yes…not all of me. But I have control of it. It was …not a seamless transition." EDI shrugged.

 _Shrugged!_

"Jesus EDI! You need to alert us about incidents like this! We could have shot you! It wasn't safe to do this alone." Shepard put her gun away, motioning the marine with the assault rifle to lower it.

"Bringing the crew up to speed would have been counter productive. All attempts to help would have been limited by reaction time." EDI explained patiently.

"So…if you are in there now…are you still in the ship?"

"I exist primarily within the ship. For optimal control, this unit should remain within the Normandy's broadcasting or tight beam range."

Shepard slowly circled the machine, studying it. EDI stood still, but pivoted her neck to follow Shepards movements as much as she could allow.

"Are you planning to take that body somewhere?" Shepard asked curiously.

 _Cause if so we should put some clothes on it… She looks like a freaking sex-bot with those cans._

EDI tilted her head, a very human mannerism. "The Normandy's weaponry is not suited to every combat situation. This platform could provide limited fire ground support."

"You mean you could come on missions with us?" Shepard started to grin.

"Correct. This body could accompany you to area's the Normandy can not reach."

"OK…but before we do that, I need you to guarantee that that body doesn't have anymore… surprises in it. Run whatever tests you can. Then we can talk about using it in combat situations."

"One Moment." EDI looked thoughtfully into the distance, for about three seconds. "Trials complete. I can send you a full report if you wish. There will be no more surprises. I should assure the crew that everything is normal."

EDI went to move past Shepard, but paused when Shepard stretched out an arm to block her.

"Just…don't be surprised if the crew is a little wary of your new body…It was shooting at them a little while ago."

"Excellent point, Commander. I will take it to the bridge. Joker will also want to see it."

EDI headed off, past the flabbergasted Marine's behind Shepard.

Shepard could just picture Joker's expressions now… He would be like a kid in a candy store with _that_ in the co-pilots chair.


	41. Chapter 41

**Authors Note: Ok Guy's. The conversation with Shepard and Kaidan is something I really wrestled with myself over. But, in the end... it came out just as I wanted it to. It will change their relationship timeline, and some future encounters from how the game had them, which was my intention.**

 **I hope you like it, and the rest of the chapter. Thank you to Impslave, for the great reviews. I love hearing from you, and those little notes letting me know what you think truly motivate me to do better.**

 **Feedback is always welcome.**

 **Enjoy!**

 **Chapter Forty-One**

The Normandy docked at the Citadel to re-supply and pick up the last of the support staff, and Shepard waited impatiently by the airlock. Garrus strolled up beside her, chuckling at her as they waited.

'Where are you off to in such a hurry? They come out with a new mod for your assault rifle or something?"

Shepard turned to give him a snarky comment, but the words died in her throat. She hadn't told Garrus about Kaidan.

With everything that had happened right after leaving Menae… the Asari pulling out of the summit, EDI getting a new robot body, getting patched up in the med-bay…she had never made it down to talk to Garrus about what happened when she left Earth.

"Shepard?" He asked, confused at the conflicting emotions that must have been darting across her face.

"Garrus… I'm sorry. I never had a chance to tell you with all the craziness. I am heading to Huerta Memorial. When we left Earth, we had to go to the Mars Archives…to get the plans for the Prothean Device."

"Yeah…"

"Umm… Kaidan was with us." She ignored the way his spine stiffened, and ploughed ahead. "He was critically injured, by the Cerberus robot EDI is using… He almost died."

"I see." Garrus' voice was like crushed glass. "Is he going to be alright?" He asked carefully.

"I think so. He sent me a message, which means he is awake now… so that's a good sign I guess."

There was a low rumble coming from his chest, Shepard couldn't hear it, but could feel it in the air around her.

"Do you want someone with you?" His voice was quiet now, his eyes sad.

"No, I'll be fine. Where will you be? I will come and find you…after." She hated the hurt in his eyes, the look like a knife in her gut.

"I am going to help the Turian refugees…They will need someone familiar with the Citadel."

She hated the way he sounded so stiff, and how is body was practically screaming to get away from her.

"Garrus-" She said softly, reaching out to touch his arm.

The airlock clicked green, and he opened it. "Say hi to Alenko for me Shepard. See you later."

The big Turian strode away into the crowd and Shepard watched him go, swallowing down her self-loathing at causing him pain. They had talked about it months ago… and she had thought they were ok… but apparently, Garrus hadn't resolved his feelings for her.

Sighing, and feeling like scum, Shepard hailed a shuttle to Huerta.

Stepping through the doors to the patient center, she hesitated and looked around. Shepard wasn't sure if Kaidan was in the same room or not. While she was scanning for Dr. Michel, she saw a very familiar face doing light martial arts in a corner of the room.

"Thane!"

The Drell whirled around, his reflexes still sharp as ever. "Commander Shepard! When I heard Earth was under attack I tried to call. I never got through."

"God, it's good to see you." Shepard pulled him into a hug. "Staying in shape I see." She teased, poking a finger into his toned abdomen.

He chuckled. "My disease kills slowly, with enough care and a healthy lifestyle…the inevitable can be delayed for a few years. Of course my allotted time has come and gone. Now I exercise because it pleases me."

Her smile cracked a little at the mention of his disease. They had talked about it in detail before the attack on the Collector base… but it still seemed unfathomable to her that he was so…okay with it all.

Shepard gestured to a couple chairs off to the side of them, and they sat. "What brings you to Huerta Memorial?" He asked, tilting his head at her.

"Visiting a friend. Kaidan. He was injured…protecting me."

Understanding flashed through Thane's eyes. "Ahh. The Human biotic in intensive care. I recognize him. He is the one you kept the photo of in your Cabin."

"Umm, yeah. That would be him." Shepard fidgeted slightly.

Thane reached over and grasped her hand, his eyes steady on hers. "We have spoken, in the rehab center. He seems an honorable sort. He certainly cares for you. I am using an Alias of course, so he doesn't know I served with you."

Thane broke off, coughing. He waved away Shepard's offer of water, and spoke once more. "Your enemies may try to finish him off, to get to you. I will look out for him."

"Thank you." She said softly. "I truly appreciate it."

He smiled and patted her hand. "I am near the end of my life, it is a good time to be generous."

They chatted for a few more minutes, about Kolyat and the quite life the retired master assassin was now enjoying, then the nurse came to take Thane for his tests. Hugging him again, and promising to visit next time she was on the Citadel, Shepard headed to Kaidan's room.

She paused outside the door, fidgeting. It had been a week since they dropped him off here and she wasn't one hundred percent sure what to expect. Things had been really up in the air between them on Mars. One minute they were smiling and everything felt just right in the world…the next he was looking at her in horror, wondering if she was a husk. Well… one way or another, she was going in there…then they would see.

Taking a deep breath, she opened the door, only to freeze in the doorway as she saw Udina standing next to Kaidan's bed.

"…I'd like an answer, Major. The galaxy has need of exceptional soldiers like you- now, more than ever."

Kaidan was laying in the bed, still battered looking, but the bruises were starting to fade, and his color was good. His eyes flicked to her briefly, then returned to Udina.

"You'll have it soon, councillor. I promise." Shepard's skin tingled at his husky voice. God's, how she had missed just being around him.

Udina nodded. "I'll look forward to it." He spun around and paused as he met Shepard in the doorway.

"Shepard." He muttered, brushing past.

"Udina" She growled, her eyes following him as he left.

Kaidan shifted in the bed, propping himself up slightly. "Shepard! Hey. You just missed snack time – actually that's probably a good thing, the food here sucks. Thank you for coming, I wasn't sure you would, you know."

He cut himself off and blushed slightly, seeming to realise that he was babbling.

Shepard smiled softly at him, and sat down in the chair next to his bed. "Of course I was going to come. What did Udina want?" She shifted, leaning closer to him. She would try to feel him out…keep things professional until she knew how she stood.

He shrugged, and looked down at his hands. "He offered to make me a Spectre."

"What! That's amazing! Your taking it right?" Shepard grinned at him, incredibly proud. A second human Spectre… pretty sweet.

"I… It's a big honor. A huge responsibly… I just need to be sure." His eye's searched hers, looking worried.

She laughed at him. "Ah Kaidan… always one to measure and weigh things. For what it's worth, I think you would be a great Spectre."

"Thanks." He said, and they shared a smile.

Shepard cleared her throat, and grabbed the bag from beside her chair. "I got you something. You can't have it yet of course…but I remembered it is one of your favorites."

Kaidan accepted the bag, and his eyebrows shot up when he pulled the bottle of expensive whisky free. "Wow. Thanks Shepard. I can't believe you remembered. This is really great."

"How could I forget! You drank almost a whole bottle the night we went out with Wallace." She laughed, sobering a little at the mention of her friend. Thinking of him wasn't the knife in the guts it used to be, but it was still sobering to realise he was gone.

Kaidan seemed to be feeling something similar. He tilted the bottle at her. "Maybe when I am out, we can crack it open and celebrate…raise a glass to our friends."

Shepard's face softened. "I would really like that."

Kaidan settled the bottle on the bedside table. He flopped down on his pillows in frustration. "I am so ready to get out of here, Shepard. You can't tell, but I am tied to this bed by medical red tape."

Shepard's eyes darted over his battered face… _might be more than just red tape,_ but she didn't voice her thoughts out loud. She listened sympathetically, knowing how much it sucked to be out of the action due to injury.

"I mean the doc; she says I'm good to go. But then she always seems to find 'just one more' test to run, you know?"

"Yeah. It is tough to be where you are. Believe me, I know. But Kaidan…It was pretty bad. How are you, really?"

He shrugged, and she could see in his face that things were worse then he had let on. "My implant got a little…rattled. So, doc wants me to keep the biotics offline for a bit."

"Jesus Kaidan… I'm not a biotic, but 'rattled' sounds kinda bad." Shepard's eyes searched his face, as though willing herself to see the damage inside his head.

"It's really not that big of a deal. I had surgery and they made some changes- got things stabilized. Doc thinks I'll have more power than before…but we wont know until I am cleared to test things out. I'll be good as new in no time… If I ever get out of here." He groaned.

Shepard chuckled at his miserable expression. "Ha, need me to break you out?"

He chuckled back and laid back on his pillows. "I'll let you know."

Shepard warred with herself. On one hand, she wanted to just let all her conflicting emotions out, and just lay everything on the ground in front of him… on the other, she was terrified that for him… friendship would be enough.

Shepard scooted forward, deciding to be brave. She rested her elbows on the edge of his bed. "Listen Kaidan… I'm really glad you asked me to come. It's so good to see your going to be okay. I was so worried. You almost died on my watch…it was terrifying to see."

She shuddered slightly as the image of him flopping lifelessly to the ground ripped through her mind.

"Shepard-"

"I would have never forgiven myself had I let something happen to you." She looked down at her hands, fisted on the sheets.

His large hand covered hers, and she looked up into his face. Her heart in her throat at the feel of his hand on hers. "Shepard… I'm sorry about everything. What I said on Mars…on Horizon. I can never take that back. But… I want things to be good between us. I want _us_ to be okay. I was so confused, and angry, and…well, hurt. After Anderson and Hackett picked me up from Horizon, I realized what an ass I'd been. I wanted to reach out, to come back to the Normandy… but Hackett had me re-assigned."

Shepard's heart was thumping so hard in her chest she thought it would burst. "You…wanted to come back? But you never even came to see me when I was in the detention center…I saw you, when we got back to Earth, the day Wallace… I remember seeing you in the crowd. I thought…But then you never came."

Kaidan squeezed her hand, pain in his eyes at the memories. "I wanted to Shepard…you don't know how bad. Hackett, Anderson and I, we were busting our asses trying to get the brass to see the truth, that no matter how bad it looked. That everything you did…the Balak system, especially, was necessary. Hackett felt that if you and I appeared to be 'close', it could hurt the defense he was building for you. I tried to tell him to shove it… but I knew if you were in my shoes…you would have fought like hell to get me out."

"Kaidan…" Shepard blinked furiously at the hot tears threatening to spill over. Even with how confused and conflicted he was…he had fought for her for the whole past year.

"I just…after everything we've been through these last few years. I would really like for us to be ok." His voice was thick with emotion.

Shepard's throat was tight as she fought with her won emotions. His eyes on hers were so earnest…so intense. She swallowed hard. "We are good, Kaidan."

He smiled brightly at her… then it faded, and he fidgeted slightly. She squeezed his hand.

"What is it Kaidan?"

"I know I don't have the right to ask… but, it is eating me up inside not knowing." He looked down at their hands, his brows drawn tightly together.

"Just ask, Kaidan." Shepard was a little worried. Whatever it was that was bothering him, his hand had tightened on hers and he was a little pale. His eyes raised once more and met hers, and she sucked in a breath at the way he had prepared himself to hear something painful.

"Is there something going on between you and Garrus? I mean, I understand…after everything that happened…there wasn't really an 'us'… But I saw the feeds from the mission's you went on with Cerberus…I know you guys got pretty…close." He tore his eyes away from hers, and looked down at their hands, jaw clenched tight.

Shepard's jaw dropped open.

 _Holy. Fuck_.

Whatever she had been expecting him to ask, that had not been it.

What could she say? Could she really just deny it out of hand? There _had_ been something happening between her and Garrus, even if it hadn't developed the way her Turian friend wanted it to.

She scrubbed her free hand across her face and groaned, keeping her other hand in his.

"Kaidan…Jesus. We… you and I were so far apart, and after Horizon… What you said, about being a traitor. I know now, why it might have seemed that way…and I understand, even if it was awful… but in that moment, it was like my world crashed and burned around me." She met his eyes, and let all the pain she had felt show in her face. He blanched, but kept his eyes on hers.

"Yeah… I'll own that Shepard. Seeing you alive sent me reeling…and I handled it badly."

She snorted and squeezed his hand. "Yeah…I kind of… fell apart for a while. The crew was pretty worried, and Garrus… well he was the one who picked me up again. He became the person I could lean on. He saved my life, more times than I can count. There were a few times…I was in this dark place, and I don't think I wanted to come back." Kaidan sucked in a breath, and his other hand grasped her free one. When she peeked up at him, there was shame on his face. "Garrus… well he basically yelled and cajoled and forced me back to myself. If he hadn't been there… I am pretty sure I wouldn't be either right now. He is my best friend." Shepard looked down at her hands, her chest tight as she tried to think of how to say what she wanted to say without exposing herself too much.

She peeked at Kaidan from beneath her lashes, and saw the guarded look she felt reflected in his eyes. She took a deep breath. _She had died, been shot, blown up, tortured… and this is what scared her? Telling the man she loved that she_ hadn't _fallen for someone else… but may have been a little tempted?_

 _Man up, Shepard._

"Garrus told me, before we hit the Omega four relay, that he cared for me…as more than a friend…and for a minute, I thought about it. He had known it was me when I came back, had instantly had my back. He had been there for me when I was trying to figure out if I was even still me…been there for me, when you broke my heart on Horizon." Kaidan's jaw clenched, and he nodded once, his finger's loosening on hers. She gripped his hand tight, refusing to let him pull away and he met her eyes once more. "Then he told me that he knew I still cared about you, and that he and I… we could never work out. Because he knew how I felt... and _still_ feel about you."

Kaidan's breath caught in his throat. She leaned forward and placed a light kiss on his battered cheek. "For me, there is no one else. It's always been you, Kaidan."

His eyes were locked on hers, and his chest heaved as he fought off waves of strong emotions. His other hand rose and cupped her cheek. Slowly, he tugged her forward until his lips met hers.

As soon as their lips met, gently, lightly, Shepard felt the piece of her that had been missing since waking up in that lab click back into place. A tear broke free, and trickled down her face.

Kaidan pulled away, and rested his forehead against hers, his thumb wiping away the tear. "I love you, Jane Shepard."

Her breath caught in her throat. "I love you too… I'm sorry I didn't say it before Ilos…" She whispered, and he shushed her.

"You said it now." He lowered his lips to hers once more, and she felt the light tingle of his biotics across her skin. They were muted, and she knew he must be trying hard to keep them offline, as his doctor ordered.

Thinking of his doctor made Shepard remember where they were…and what kind of shape he was in.

They pulled apart, but Kaidan kept his hand cupping her face, his thumb tracing light circles on her cheek bone. They stayed like that for long minutes, just looking at each other, reveling in being able to be close, being able to touch. Shepard reached out and traced a thumb along his brows, raked her fingers through his thick hair. Her fingers tips rasped across his five 'o'clock shadow, and the feeling made something clutch, low in her belly.

Her omni-tool lit up with a priority message, and she cursed.

Pulling up the message, she grimaced at him. "Duty calls… I have to get back to the Normandy, ASAP."

He sighed, and let his hand fall from her face. "Damn. I wish I could go with you."

Shepard stood, and bent down to kiss him, unable to resist. "Me too. But focus on getting better, and think about the Spectre position… You'd be great."

Her omni-tool pinged once more, and she sighed. "Stay safe, Shepard." He murmured.

"I'll do my best but…last time I worked with the Krogan, I had to take out a thresher maw on foot…so no promises." She winked and he chuckled.

"See you soon, Major." She gave him a cheeky salute, and turned to leave, wishing she could stay…wishing he could come.

"See you soon." He whispered.

00oo00oo00

Shepard waited by the CIC, fidgeting in her dress blues for the Krogan ship to get into position.

Shepard had messaged Joker to call everyone back to the Normandy, and they had left the Citadel in a hurry, several hours earlier. It appeared the Salarian Dalatrass had decided to attend the summit after all…and wanted to get it done ASAP.

Traynor gave her the nod that meant they were good to go, and Shepard sucked in a breath and went to play diplomat.

An hour later, she was pinching her nose between her fingers, and wishing she could crack some skulls. The Dalatrass was a miserly old hag, that was unwilling to bend on _anything_. Everything Wrex or Victus said was shot down instantly…and shrilly.

"…the Krogan is in no position to make demands!" Dalatrass Linron squealed.

"The Krogan, has a name. Urdnot Wrex. And I'm not just some junkyard Varren you unleash whenever you're in trouble" Wrex growled, and his fisted were clenched tight as he fought back his rage. He met Shepard's gaze, and she tilted her head sympathetically. "I've got my own problems. Reaper scouts have arrived on Tuchanka." Wrex's massive head turned to face Primarch Victus. "So why should I care if a few Turians go extinct?" He sneered.

Shepard sighed.

Victus had been calm, serene almost… but apparently his patience was also wearing thin. "Trying to draw out negotiations will get you nowhere Wrex. I have no time for it. Just tell us what you want." Victus spat, thumping a fist on the table.

Wrex eyed him appraisingly, then turned a gimlet eye back to the Dalatrass. "I'll tell you what I _need_. A cure for the Genophage."

Shepard face palmed. _Why god…why?_

If Dalatrass Linron's jaw fell any farther, it would have hit the table. "Absolutely not!" She screeched. "The Genophage is non-negotiable!"

But Shepard had come across a cure for the Genophage before… on Virmire. And Mordin's assistant had been working on it on Tuchanka…

"Why are you so opposed to this idea, Dalatrass?" Shepard asked, holding up a hand to stop Wrex's roar of fury.

"Because my people uplifted the Krogan. We know them best." Linron sneered, and Shepard resisted the urge to snort at her claim.

Wrex, couldn't contain himself, however. "You mean you used us! To fight a war, you couldn't win!" He roared. "It wasn't the Salarians, or the Asari, or even the Turians that stopped the Rachni! It was Krogan blood that turned the tide!" Wrex had his finger pointed at the Dalatrass.

She puffed up with rage, looking like an extremely pissed off Gecko. "And after that you ceased to be useful!" She squealed. "The Genophage was the only way to keep your 'urges' in check!" She hissed, pointing at him in return.

Shepard and Victus shared a pained glance. "Dalatrass, you may not like him, but Wrex is right." Victus said wearily. Wrex's head snapped to look at him so fast his plates screeched in protest. "Insulting him wont change that."

Linron sneered at Victus as though he were a traitor. "I wont apologise for speaking the truth. We uplifted the Krogan to do one thing. Wage war. It is all they know, because it is all we _wanted_ them to know."

Shepard couldn't take it anymore. She either had to punch the pompous old wind bag, or rip her a new one…and diplomats used words. "Your people should have thought the matter through, then. Was it really a surprise the Krogan revolted?"

Shepard was surprised when the Dalatrass looked at her with a smile. "That's precisely my point, Commander. We made a rash decision. We turned to the Krogan in desperation. It's the same mistake you're about to make today. No good can come from curing the Genophage."

Shepard's back straightened with a snap, and Wrex glanced at her warily. He had seen that mulish look on her face before. He began to smile.

"The Krogan have paid for their mistakes. They have seen their children born dead, or born to barely live, for hundreds of years. The Genophage had gone on long enough." Shepard snarled.

"One thousand, four hundred and seventy-six years…If your keeping track." Wrex growled.

The Dalatrass looked between Shepard and Wrex, outraged. "It was a thousand years of peace! Free from these…brutes!"

Shepard's breathe hissed out through her teeth. It was possible the Dalatrass didn't know that calling them 'brutes'…when that was exactly what the Reapers were turning the Krogan into, was a gross insult. Looking at the mean look on her face, Shepard wasn't so sure she _was_ ignorant.

Victus slammed his fist on the table. "Enough!" He roared. Everyone turned to face him. "Whether or not they deserve a cure is academic. It would take _years_ to formulate one."

Wrex met Shepard's eye, and he smiled…triumphantly. "My information says otherwise."

He nudged Victus out of the way, and brought up a vid. Before playing the feed, Wrex winked at Shepard. "A Salarian scientist, Maelon, grew a conscience. He was on my planet, testing a cure on our females."

"I remember. His methods were… barbaric." Shepard said, wondering where he was going with this.

"But what you didn't know, is that other females survived his experiments."

He hit play, and the feed showed some kind of underground bunker…with several female Krogan in glass cells…Salarian scientists making notes on data pads while watching them.

"So the Dalatrass here, sent in a team to clean up the whole mess…and to take them prisoner!" Wrex finished.

The Dalatrass reeled as she saw the video, and her face showed panic. "Where did you get this!"

Her voice faltered. "It…It could be a fabrication!"

Wrex roared and slammed his massive fists on the table. "Don't insult me! Those are my people! They're immune to the Genophage, and your going to give them back!"

Shepard and Victus were looking at the Dalatrass in horror. Shepard knew she was a hag, with questionable morals…but this.

"Dalatrass. Is this true?" Victus' voice was sharp.

She sneered at him. "How will curing the Genophage benefit _my_ people?"

All the happiness Shepard had felt from her talk with Kaidan was shoved deep, deep down. She let the disgust, and contempt she felt show in her face, through her voice. "How long do you think you'll last alone against the Reapers? Because if you don't help, that's how this will end." Her voice was glacial, and the Dalatrass flinched away from her.

"And I'll be the last friendly Turian you'll ever see!" Victus added, mandibles flared with his disapproval.

"What's it gonna be, Dalatrass?" Shepard hissed.

The Dalatrass looked angrily around the room, then hissed. "The females are being kept at one of our STG bases on Sur'Kesh." Shepard spun to leave the room. "But I warn you, Commander!" The Dalatrass flung her arm out to point at Shepard dramatically, and she paused. "The consequences of this will be felt for Centuries to come!"

Wrex stepped up beside Shepard. "Let's go get them, Shepard."

"You're not stepping foot on Sur'Kesh! This will take time-" The Dalatrass' screech was cut off by Victus.

"It happens now. As a council Spectre, Shepard can oversee the transfer of the females to Wrex's custody." He ordered, using the Turian military tone that made even Shepard's back snap straighter.

"We're going." Shepard hissed, and left the room, Wrex grinning on her heels.

"I wont forget this Commander! A bully has few friends when she needs them most!" The Dalatrass raged behind them.

00oo00oo00

Shepard, Wrex, Liara and James were on the shuttle, waiting to disembark to Sur'Kesh. As it was a lab, she figured she wouldn't need a sniper…and she and Garrus hadn't talked yet since she told him about Kaidan. So she left him to be in charge of the Normandy…and get the Dalatrass back on her own ship.

Wrex was a bundle of nerves, and James kept eying him like a kid at Christmas. To say he was excited to have a Krogan on their team was an understatement.

Cortez had the shuttle in landing range now, so Shepard jammed a clip in her rifle to be safe, and turned to address the ground team.

"Ok. This is the Salarian home world we are headed to. They aren't used to Krogan, or humans being here, so let's keep it simple. We land, get the females, and leave before anyone changes their mind."

Wrex humpfed. "I still don't trust a word they say."

"Let diplomacy play out, Wrex. You'll get what you want." Shepard soothed.

Wrex grimaced. "These females are the best, and probably last, hope for my people."

"We will bring them back, Wrex. Don't worry." Liara patted his huge arm soothingly, and he smiled down at her.

"I appreciate that Liara. It's good to have you and Shepard here, just like old times. I wouldn't want anyone else along for the ride."

Cortez brought them down low to land, but then called to Shepard worriedly as a panel flashed red. "Uh, Commander? Salarian ground control says we don't have permission to land."

"Tell them the Dalatrass authorized this herself." She ordered.

"I knew they'd never keep their word!" Wrex howled with outrage. "Let's see them try to stop a Krogan airdrop!"

Shepard whirled, but was too slow. Wrex hit the button to open the shuttle door, and with a roar he was gone. He landed thirty feet below, the cement cracking beneath him. Salarians scrambled for weapons, and Shepard cursed at Cortez to get them low enough to jump down as well.

"We have an unauthorized landing!" One of the Salarians screeched, looking at the massive Krogan towering over him in terror.

"Who authorized you to hold my race hostage!" Wrex roared.

One brave…or incredibly foolish, Salarian darted forward, omni-tool raised to try and stop Wrex from moving into the compound.

The shrill squeal he let out when Wrex swatted him away like a gnat pierced Shepard's eardrums as she hopped off the shuttle.

About ten red laser dots lit up Wrex's face and torso as she approached, and she pulled her pistol free, just in case.

"Stand down! Hold your fire!" A Salarian screeched, puffing as he ran as fast as he could towards them. The Salarians surrounding them looked at him expectantly.

He skidded to a halt, and raised his arms defensively across his face as Wrex's shotgun swung towards him. "Commander Shepard restrain your colleague! We only found out about this transfer a few moments ago!"

Shepard laid her hand on Wrex's arm, and he lowered his shotgun with a growl.

"I would like to avoid a diplomatic incident." She muttered.

The big Krogan frowned, but put the gun away.

"You have something valuable to Wrex-" She began, but Wrex cut across her.

"Something worth dying for!" He snarled, and she shot him a look. He was not helping her case to prove the Krogan were more than war mongering savages.

"This matter can be resolved, but I must insist that he remain under guard." The Salarian in charge ordered.

Wrex let out a vicious snarl, and the Salarians all cowered away, except the speaker.

"I can handle this Wrex." Shepard ordered, and held out her hand for his shotgun.

Instead of giving it to her, he popped the heat sink out, and tossed it to the Salarian, putting it away. "Anything goes wrong and all bets are off."

Shepard, James and Liara followed the Salarian, Padok Wiks as he introduced himself, into the compound. "I appreciate your understanding Commander. With war on everyone's mind, our people are on edge."

Shepard nodded. Liara let out a gasp, and Shepard followed her gaze up, to where a Yahg was being transported in a containment pod under heavily armed guard. The Asari shuddered. "I had hoped never to see one of those again."

"Here, here." Shepard muttered, watching the Yahg disappear.

Padok Wiks turned back to them. "As you can see, this base contains…sensitive information."

Shepard arched an eyebrow at him. Wiks explained the type of research they did here, and prattled on about how science had always been the Salarians best defense. He explained that the Female Krogan had been in wretched condition when they arrived, and the STG had been working diligently to restore them to good health.

"This whole planet smells wrong!" Shepard heard Wrex growl, and she turned to see him being led to a small office, five Salarians with assault rifles as big as they were surrounding him.

She smothered a chuckle, and turned back to Wiks.

"I'd like to see them." She ordered.

Wiks explained he would have to set them up with clearance for the lower levels, and trotted off to a terminal. Having a few minutes to kill, Shepard wandered over to where Wrex was being guarded.

"…wonder your so soft. Spend all you time writing poetry about waterfalls?" Her jeered, trying to bait his guards into a reaction.

He turned when he saw her approaching, and leaned against the desk, ignoring the way it groaned underneath his weight.

"Shepard. I don't like this. I should be the one going in." He grumbled.

James moved up beside her, and she smothered a smile at the way he was looking at the old Krogan… definitely a case of hero worship.

"How about…you stay here, and we only fight one war at a time?" She teased.

"Pfft. That was just good old fashioned Krogan hot air. If it'd been real, they'd be dead." He winked at the closest guard, who gasped and fumbled his gun a little.

"Hey maybe when this over, you and I can go toe to toe. Just for fun." James said, his desire to pit himself against to old Krogan written all over his face.

Shepard smothered her chuckle as she shared a glance with Liara. She forced the image of the beat down James would get from Wrex to the back of her mind.

"Shepard and I almost did. She ever tell you about our little 'chat' on Virmire?" He grinned slyly at her. "You could say we had a… disagreement." Wrex laughed. "Good times."

Shepard shook her head. Having a shotgun jammed into her gut by an extremely pissed off Krogan she thought of as a friend, was not her idea of a good time. They chatted for a few more minutes, then Wiks signaled to them that they were good to proceed.

Leaving Wrex in the charge of his guards, Shepard, James and Liara headed for the elevator. The door opened, and Shepard stepped inside, only to spin and face back towards the shuttle as an alarm began to blare.

"Alert! Security breach level two. Scramble all response teams."

"What's happening, Wiks?" She called, still on the elevator.

"Something has entered the perimeter." He said, punching commands into his omni-tool as gunships began to rise, then zoom off into the distance. He looked up at Shepard. "Someone will meet you below, go now, Commander."

The doors to the elevator closed, and they were moving down. The team all shared a worried glance. They needed to get the females, then GTFO.

The doors opened several levels down, to a cluster of scientists crowded around a very familiar face.

"Shepard! Excellent timing. Good to have you here."

"Mordin?" She was flabbergasted to see the professor here.

The professor smiled at her, and moved up to shake her hand. "Eyesight still sharp. Surprise understandable. Hadn't expected to return to work." He rattled off, still speaking as fast as ever.

Shepard grinned, as Liara stepped forward to greet Mordin warmly. "Your back with the STG?" Liara asked him.

"Special consultant. Had to be me. Someone else might have gotten it wrong." He looked around the room, then in an exaggerated fashion leaned forward and beckoned them all close. "Helped female Krogan. Fed information to Clan Urdnot. Encouraged political pressure to free females." He hissed.

Shepard smiled at him. "You're Wrex's inside source."

He nodded. "Yes. Can explain later. Security warnings not normal. Need to get off world for sake of Krogan." He began to walk, and Shepard fell in behind him as he continued to fire off information.

"Females had weakened immune systems. Side effect of Maelon's cure." He paused by a large room, with three body bags in it. Shepard's heart fell. "These…did not survive." He finished sadly.

Wrex would kill every Salarian he saw when she told him the females were dead. Mordin was staring at the bags, grief heavy in his shoulders. Shepard touched his arm soothingly. "You did everything you could, Mordin."

"I arrived too late." His shoulders straightened and determination filled his face. "Cannot delay now. One survivor. Immune to Genophage. Can synthesize cure from her tissue."

Shepards heart leapt. Thank god. "She's still here?"

Mordin nodded, and led them to a containment cell at the very end of the hall. "Yes. Last hope for the Krogan. If she dies, cure for the Genophage is…problematic."

In the cell, strapped to a medical Gurney, was the shadowy from of the Krogan female. She had a shroud of some kind over her face, so only her eyes were visible.

Mordin cautioned her before she approached the glass. "Be Careful. Krogan slow to trust."

Shepard took a few steps forward, and introduced herself. "I'm Commander Shepard, Alliance Navy."

"Are you here to kill me?" The Krogan asked, her voice deep and calm.

"Goddess…" Liara whispered behind her. Shepard turned to see her reviewing Mordin's medical data. "What she's been through…"

Shepard turned back. "Urdnot Wrex and I are here to take you home."

"Why? What am I to you?" There was something about the female…a commanding presence.

"Have the Salarians been mistreating you?" Shepard asked, wanting to make sure she didn't have to kill anyone on the way out.

"Those were my sisters you saw back there. They died in a lot of pain." She hissed, and Shepard throat grew tight at the thought of what they had endured.

Mordin hung his head. "We did the best we could."

The females voice became hard, and her eyes focused on Shepard coldly. "Now I am the only only one left. That makes me dangerous to a lot of people."

Shepard sucked in a breath, remembering the Dalatrass' vehemence at allowing the Genophage to be cured…there were millions more in the Galaxy that thought exactly the same way.

"What about you, Commander Shepard? Why are you here?" She continued.

"You are the future of the Krogan race. I'm fighting for that." Shepard let her conviction that curing the Genophage was the right thing to do ring through her voice.

Klaxons began to blare, red lights flashing throughout the lab. James and Liara pulled their weapons free, and Mordin began punching commands into his omni-tool.

"Then I hope you brought an army." The Krogan said wearily.

"Alert! Unidentified vessels have breached the perimeter!" Came over the speakers, and Shepard heaved a sigh.

Someday, she really wanted to be able to complete a mission without it going completely FUBAR.

One of the Salarian soldiers stationed in the lab ran to a console beside them.

"What's happening?" Shepard asked.

"We have multiple ships inbound." He hissed, punching commands into the console.

Shepard's omni-tool lit up, and she opened it. "Shepard! It's Wrex. Cerberus troops are attacking the facility! Get the females out of there now!" He roared, and appeared to be on some sort of shuttle. She caught a glimpse of a panicked Cortez in the background.

"Only one survived Wrex. It might be safer down here."

"What!" He roared, outrage flooding into his face. "So the Salarians can kill her like the others! No fucking deal! If you still want this alliance, get her out of there!"

Shepard cut the communication and turned to the soldier. "Release the female. We are leaving." She ordered.

He looked at her, aghast. "I can't. Protocol states during lockdown no specime- arrrrgggggghhhhh!" He shrieked as Mordin jabbed him with an electric prod.

"Objection noted." Mordin said calmly. "Now, please release Krogan."

Smoking slightly, the soldier quickly released the containment pod.

A small chamber beside the pod opened, and Mordin stepped inside. "Need to monitor pod as it clears quarantine procedures. Meet us at next checkpoint, Shepard." The pod began to move. "Likely, Cerberus opposes Genophage cure."

Shepard looked at the female Krogan, still strapped to the gurney to keep her stable. "You'll see Tuchanka again. I promise." She reassured her, then spun and headed back towards the elevator.

There were tech's at the elevator, warning her it didn't seem to be functioning. She cursed, and the light turned green.

Score.

She, Liara and James rushed the door, only to skid to a halt as it opened. A bomb sat in the middle of the elevator floor.

"Bomb!" Vega screamed, and tackled Liara to the ground. Shepard rolled into cover as it exploded, dragging a shrieking technician with her.

Coughing, and waving the dust out of her face, Shepard got to her feet.

Plan B.

"Is there another way out of here?" She gasped, ignoring the pain in her ribs from the large piece of shrapnel that hit her. At least it hadn't pierced her armour.

One of the soldiers ran to a console. "Other side of the lab. Emergency exit. Go now, I will open it for you." They headed for the door, and began to work their way up to where Mordin would be waiting.

"Shepard! Cerberus forces trying to locate female. Quarantine checkpoint under attack. Hurry!" Mordin called through the comms, and Shepard cursed.

She began to climb, using the fire escape ladders to move up to the next level. Gun fire was getting louder and louder. STG was putting up a hell of a fight.

"Shepard! I'm in the shuttle, do whatever it takes to get the female to the landing pad." Wrex roared in her ear. "I'll make life miserable for Cerberus!"

They made it to the next level, and emerged into flames and smoke. Cerberus was blowing up everything they could, and dead Salarians were everywhere.

"Oh man… this is bad." James muttered.

Shepard pushed ahead. Drawing abreast of some STG soldiers fighting on a balcony. A Cerberus shuttle dropped from the sky, and troops began dropping to the ground in front of her. She dove into cover, and began taking them out. Liara would pull them into lifts, and James would blast them from the sky, as Shepard got out her shotgun and blew any any trooper foolish enough to get close.

One they were down, they sprinted ahead, trying to get to Mordin. They made it to the end of the room, and opened the door to get up to the next level, Where Mordin and the female waited.

Shepard rolled into cover as a Yahg bust through a wall, and ripped three Cerberus troops to shreds with its bare hands. With a roar it smashed through another wall and disappeared.

James looked at the body parts in horror, while Liara and Shepard shared a pained look.

Shepard stepped gingerly through the gore left behind. "Careful…there goes the next Shadow Broker." She quipped.

"That's _not_ funny, Shepard!" Liara hissed.

Following the Yahg's path of destruction, they climbed another ladder, and made it to the floor Mordin was waiting on.

They rounded the corner and spotted the containment pod just as a Cerberus shuttle dropped off a fresh load of troops.

"Shepard, Cerberus troops attempting to kill Krogan. Need assistance!" Mordin yelled.

Shepard too a deep breath and directed all her power reserves to her shields. The she attached a blade to the end of her Shotgun, and with a roar launched her self out of cover, and straight into the cluster of troops.

Jamming the blade into the helmet of the first, she ripped it free in a pray of blood and kicked another in the chest, knocking him down. She shot him point blank and spun to face the last. He fell, peppered by James assault rifle and she continued forward to the pod.

"Quickly Shepard. Technician dead, clear us through the checkpoint." Mordin urged, and she moved to the console.

"Are you ok?" She asked as she punched in commands.

"Containment shield is holding. Will try to repair if necessary. Can't speak for Krogans health, however." Mordin said, giving the female a worried look.

"I'm fine, Commander." She rasped.

"Females kept secret…possibly a mole in STG. Could be indoctrinated." Mordin mused. "If no Krogan Alliance with Turians, Reapers left unchallenged."

Shepard hit the last command, and the pod began to move once more.

"Shepard, meet us at next checkpoint. Cerberus likely to target-" Mordin was cut off as a rocket slammed into the back of the pod, sending him crashing into the floor.

A Cerberus shuttle hovered in view behind the pod, firing everything they had at it.

It was slow, but the pod still moved. Mordin dragged himself to his feet, a gash sending blood gushing down his face.

"Hurry Shepard. Next checkpoint!"

James lobbed a grenade into the shuttle, and it exploded, sending a brilliant ball of flames into the jungle below.

The team moved onto a balcony, and headed for a ladder to get them to the next level. Her shuttle zoomed low overhead, two Cerberus shuttle's hot on its tail. "Shepard get cracking! I'll try to draw some of their fire!" Wrex roared as he zoomed past.

Her team climbed up a level, and rounded a corner just in time to see a lone STG marine take out a Cerberus trooper.

"Commander, stay back! There are Cerberus troops just down the hall." He hissed.

Shepard peered past him to see five troops with a turret set up a few meters away.

"Shit, Fuck. Is there any way past them?" She asked, wanting to get to Mordin as quickly as possible.

The marine held up a strange white pistol, that glowed blue. "You could say that…" He mused, and spun around the corner, firing twice.

Shepard watch as two tiny balls…like miniature mass effect fields attached themselves, one to the floor in front of the troops, and the other to the troop in the lead.

They exploded, and parts of troopers went everywhere. Shepard looked at the tiny gun in shock.

James whooped. "I gotta get me one of those!"

More troops poured in from the far side of the hall, and this time they were heavy engineers. They would have to flank them. Keeping Liara with the STG marine, she and James skirted around the edge, and made their way until they were beside to troops.

Lobbing several grenades into the troops, Shepard and James stood as soon as they went off, and annihilated anything in their path with their assault rifes. They switched to shredder rounds, and the troops didn't stand a chance.

Stepping through the smoke, the STG marine shook her hand. "Always a pleasure to watch you work, Commander." He smiled, looking at the carnage surrounding them.

Shepard shrugged and smiled. "Eh, I do what I can."

Leaving him behind to cover their backs, they team jogged forward once more. They reached a door, and it opened into a large atrium. A Varren launched itself from the shrubbery and savagely attack a Cerberus troop that had swung around to fire at them.

"I guess that Yahg wasn't the only thing to escape its containment cell." Liara muttered, and she lifted troops into the air for James to take out.

Troops poured into the room, and Shepard had to get out her sniper rifle. She cursed at her foolishness in not bringing Garrus. Taking a deep breath, she shot through the eye slot in a heavily armed trooper's shield. He fell in a heap, half his head blown away.

Repeating it with another, they moved to the stairs, sprinting to the top floor of the atrium.

"Elevator malfunctioning Shepard! Need assistance!" Mordin called through the comm, and with a curse, Shepard threw herself into a sprint. Hacking her way through a door, Shepard skidded to a halt once she was through. There were about ten Cerberus troops blasting away at the containment pod.

"James!" She called, and the big marine re-routed power to his shields, and charged ahead with a roar. Shepard waited for a ten count, then followed him. Anyone that wasn't bowled over by him, she took out on her way by. Between the three of them, they had the Cerberus troops down in minutes.

The pod was stuck hallway between floors. Cerberus had cut the power. Shepard cursed, and set off to find the cut. Once the power was restored, the pod made it to the checkpoint. Before Shepard could get to them to clear it through, another Cerberus squad showed up.

"Fucking Vorcha humpers…" She cursed, lobbing a grenade. It exploded brilliantly, Liara timing a lift as James unloaded a clip of shredder rounds into the middle of the cluster of troops.

Mordin looked at the mass of bodies surrounding the pod. "Excellent. Affinity for destruction intact, Shepard."

"Who is this guy!" James puffed, as she jogged to the checkpoint.

"How are you holding up?" She asked them as she started the clearance procedure.

"Containment shield weakening. Can't take much more." Mordin looked worriedly at the female Krogan.

She was sagging against the restraints keeping her safely on the gurney. She coughed, an awful rattling sound coming from her chest. "I'm not your problem, Commander. You don't know me."

"But I'd like to. Hang in there." She assured her.

She sounded weak, and Shepard knew they had to get her onto the Normandy, and into the med bay fast.

"How many more checkpoints Mordin?"

"Just the landing area. Hope Urdnot Wrex still waiting."

Shepard punched the release, and the pod began to move. Shepard headed for the next level, and hopefully an intact shuttle.

She was almost to the ladder when Wrex came over the comm. "Shepard! Get your ass up here! I can't fly around forever!"

"The female is on the way up to the landing pad Wrex!" She puffed as she hauled herself up the ladder.

"You pull this off, and I am making you an honorary Krogan!" He whooped, and she heard Cortez screaming at him to pull up in the background.

She was up the latter and back into the original part of the compound where they had landed. Cerberus was everywhere, and they were doing their best to kill Mordin and the Female.

"Not today motherfuckers!" She screamed, and unloaded the M-560 Hydra. She fired a shot and 3 heat seeking missiles launched towards the Cerberus troops. Just before impact, they spilt into three again.

They exploded into the cluster of troops, taking down their shields and sending them flying. They had no time to recover before the timed release bomb went off.

"Badass Lola!" James yelled, darting past her to get closer to the pod. With Liara lifting the surviving troops into the air, Shepard and James took them out with the shredder rounds. She sprinted forward to the pod release console.

"Release us now, Shepard. Pod then transfers to loading area." Mordin jabbered.

She hit the command, and once more the pod began its torturously slow ascent.

"Let's get you out of there." She called to the female.

The docking clamps began to move toward the pod, and Shepard turned to watch the progress.

"Heads up Shepard! You've got incoming!" Wrex roared through the comm.

With a bone jarring thud, a massive Atlas dropped from the sky, landing in the middle of the compound. Shepard had never seen anything like it. It was enormous, and there was a Cerberus troop inside.

Looks like the Illusive man had pulled out all the stops when it came to upgrades.

She dove out of the way as it fired a rocket at her, James and Liara scrambling to get to cover.

It began to walk, slow thudding steps, a it searched for a way to get to the Krogan in the pod above it.

"Shepard! I can't land until you deal with that thing!" Wrex howled.

"What the fuck do you want me to do Wrex, it's a big as a fucking house! With rockets!" She roared back.

The massive Atlas had circled around, and was on a slightly raised level, facing the containment pod. Shepard knew there was only one way to make sure it didn't fire on the pod.

She had to give it something else to shoot at. She met Liara's gaze and the Asari screamed at her.

"Shepard don't!"

Gritting her teeth, Shepard rolled from her cover, and lobbed a grenade. She ran, trying to make it to cover across the way, but was too slow.

Flames erupted around her, and she was thrown away from her target, rolling into the open.

James was roaring with rage, unloading everything he had at the Atlas' back while it was focused on her.

Shepard could feel the blister's forming, feel the burns on her flesh. She made it to her hands and knees, crawling towards cover.

"What's wrong Shepard! Getting old? Take that thing out!" Wrex called, but she could hear the fear in his voice.

She made it to cover, and it turned ponderously to face where James was firing at it. She swallowed a moan of pain, and pulled out her sniper rifle.

Ignoring the screaming nerves in her burned arms, she braced herself and set up her shot on the glass front of the Atlas. She might not be able to take the monster out…but she could kill the fucker inside of it.

"Liara, keep them off me." She called, and Cerberus troops dropped from a shuttle on the other end of the complex.

She heard the Asari call to James for help, and Shepard took a deep breath.

Boom! The powerful gun roared, and a small crack appeared in the glass of the Atlas.

She breathed again. In and out.

Boom! The crack became a spider web. The Atlas turned to fully face her, and it raised its heavy gun. Shepard ducked down, but her cover disintegrated under the heavy rounds. She rolled into the open, scrambling to get to the pillar on her left when her world erupted in pain.

The rocket didn't hit her directly, but what was left of her shields came down as the flames crawled up her armour. She shrieked, and heard James and Liara screaming her name as she crashed to the ground in agony.

She rolled, making it behind the pillar. Hands shaking, she overrode the safeties on her suit, injecting herself with stims, medi-gel, and pain killers. Hissing at the feel of the cool gel on her abused flesh, she hefted the rifle once more.

She could hear Mordin screaming his rage as he tried to get out of the damaged cell, tried to get to the female and protect her. She could hear Liara calling her name, as James once more threw everything he had at the back of the Atlas as it turned to face to containment pod, and Shepard.

She took a deep breath, and set up the rifle once more.

Boom! The man inside the Atlas' head exploded, and its arms drooped. James cheered, then swore and tackled Liara, rolling them behind a pillar as it began to beep. Cerberus apparently didn't want anyone else playing with their toys, and rigged them to explode if compromised. It did so, with tremendous force.

Shepard dropped her rifle wearily, and forced herself to her feet. She staggered, and knowing she would hear it from Chakwas, punched more stims into her system.

Steadier now, she headed towards the others. A battered looking, but still flying shuttle came in, and landed, Wrex almost bowling poor Cortez over in his rush to check on the Female.

He pulled his shotgun free, but let it fall to his side as he saw there were no more troops alive. He moved to Shepard and eyed her up and down. "You had me worried there for a minute, Shepard."

She just grunted at him, and got James to break Mordin out of his cell. The tiny Salarian doctor held out a hand chivalrously, with a gentle smile on his face, to help the Female down from her gurney.

He was rudely elbowed aside and replaced with a grinning Wrex. "Let's get you out of there." Wrex almost cooed.

If Shepard hadn't been so tired, she would have laughed.

She came down, ignoring the hand Wrex offered. Two Cerberus troops darted out from behind a corner. "They they are!" One screeched.

Quick as a snake, the female grabbed Wrex's shotgun and blasted them off their feet. Looking at the scarred battlemaster in disgust, she shoved the shotgun back into his hands. "I can handle myself, Wrex." She spat, and moved to Mordin.

Wrex looked at Shepard and shrugged. "Women." He sighed.

This time Shepard couldn't hold back her chuckle, even if it ended with a strangled yelp of pain.

James was by her side in a heartbeat. "Let's get you to Chakwas, Commander."

She accepted his arm, leaning on him. Liara jumped onto the shuttle, and they sat as Cortez lifted off, radioing Joker that they were on their way.

Nothing was ever as easy as it sounded. _Fucking Cerberus._


	42. Chapter 42

**Authors Note: I hope you guys enjoy this Chapter. We get to re-unite with another old friend, and see some of the changes to the storyline I put in place last chapter. Feel free to let me know what you think of the changes. If you aren't comfortable leaving a review, don't hesitate to PM me :)**

 **And I just want to say a huge Thank You! To everyone reading along with this Fic. We hit 4000 views, and it feels absolutely incredible.**

 **So thank you, to everyone reading along. You are the best.**

 **Enjoy.**

 **Chapter Forty-Two**

Shepard woke with a groan. She looked blearily around, and when she raised her hand to rub the sleep from her eyes, she saw that her hand was wrapped in bandages. She took a swift appraisal of the rest of herself. She was covered in Medi-gel wraps... to the point she looked like a mummy.

She sat up gingerly, and Chakwas got up from where she was seated by her desk. A glance around the room showed the large form of the female Krogan asleep on another bed.

"Well Jane, I can honestly say in all my time serving on star ships, no one had ever kept me as busy as you." Chakwas tutted, and she peeked under a bandage on Shepard's shoulder.

"Well, I do what I can to make sure you earn your paycheck, doc." She quipped, and Chakwas rolled her eyes.

"You are to stay put for the rest of the morning, then I should be able to remove the bandages. You are benched for at least 48 hours though, until your new skin toughens up. Dr. Solus added something to the medi-gel, to make your skin regenerate faster, otherwise you would be in this bed for a week."

Shepard nodded. Hopefully, there was nothing to imperative to take care of.

"I need to at least brief Hackett-"

"Not until after lunch." Chakwas cut her off.

Shepard puffed out a breath, then looked at the mangled lump of hair hanging by her face. After the fiasco that was the Balak system, her elbow length hair had been chopped short. She had finally gotten it back to being slightly longer than her collar-bone…but if the melted lump was anything to go by, it was about to become a bob.

 _Son-of-a-bitch._

"Chakwas, can you ask around and see if there is anyone half decent with a pair of scissors on this ship? Looks like I am in desperate need of a trim." She grimaced at her mangled hair.

"Of course, Shepard."

Chakwas bustled off, and several minutes later returned with Joker in tow.

Shepard arched an eyebrow at him. "You know how to cut hair, Joker?"

He shrugged defensively. "Hey, Tiptree is a small place, and I lived in the boonies. My mom showed me. She had arthritis and couldn't cut Gunny – My sister Hilary's- hair anymore. So…now I can dazzle you with my skills." He waggled his eyebrows at her.

She snorted. "Try not to make me look like something a Krogan would want to date, okay?"

She sat up gingerly, and moved to the chair beside her bed. He began to cut the burned and melted lumps free. "So… You went to see Kaidan huh? How'd that go? He still as charming as he was on Horizon."

"Joker…" She said warningly.

"Hey, inquiring minds want to know. I mean c'mon Shepard. I like the guy, and I have never seen someone so torn up as he was after… But how do you just shrug off someone treating you like that. I mean I remember what you were like when you came back…We were all worried about you"

Shepard sighed. Joker grabbed a brush, and began combing out the worst of the snarls, now that the charred lumps were cut free. "I…It's hard to explain. Yeah, he said some pretty harsh things…but as soon as he said them he regretted it. I mean c'mon Joker, you of all people should know what kind of trouble speaking without thinking it through can get you in."

"Touché" He muttered. "Still…"

"Still nothing." She shrugged. "I care about Kaidan, and he cares about me. And he is sorry. How can I hate someone who stuck firm to their beliefs? Kaidan has always been Alliance, through and through. When I saw him, I didn't think about the fact that it had been two years for him. That everything could have changed. Fuck Joker, he could have been married for all I knew." He snorted, but let her continue. "I just showed up and said 'hey, what's cracking. I'm headed out for a suicide mission with a bunch of terrorists, come with, it'll be fun.' I mean…what the fuck did I expect would happen?" She hissed.

"I dunno Shepard. Probably that he would jump on board, like Garrus, Chakwas and I did."

Knowing he wouldn't let this go, Shepard scrubbed a hand across her face in irritation, ignoring his swat at her hand to stop her from moving as he brushed.

"It's different…"

"How? Garrus just-"

"Garrus knew it was me because of how I smelled, my mannerisms. He's a bloody Apex predator, Joker. He didn't have to take it on faith, his bloody instincts told him it was me before I even took off my helmet! And you and Chakwas had the joyful introduction of seeing my charred corpse." He flinched violently. "Everyone else had never met me before, save Liara… and we know how she knew it was me. Tell me honestly. If I had just shown up, after you saw what happened to me on the Normandy, would you have taken it on faith alone?"

Her chest was heaving with emotions. _Damn him for bringing it all back, after she and Kaidan had finally been able to move past it. Damn him for throwing Garrus in her face, when she already felt like an asshole for hurting him._

"Shepard…"

"Because if I was in his shoes, I think my reactions would have been pretty much the same." She finished wearily.

The brush had paused in her hair. And after several beats of silence, it resumed its slow strokes. He set it on the table, and began snipping away with the scissors.

The room remained silent as he finished the haircut. When he was finished, he passed her a mirror.

Her honey coloured hair swung into a sassy bob that fell just below her chin, framing her high cheekbones perfectly. It was flattering, and stylishly done.

She swung the chair around to face him. "It's beautiful Joker. Thank you." She whispered.

He shrugged, and rubbed a hand across the back of his neck in embarrassment. "Listen Shep, I'm sorry about prying."

She waved him off. "Let's just forget about it, ok. I'm sure he would like to see you, you know." She added.

"Yeah…maybe next time we are on the Citadel."

The door opened and Chakwas bustled back into the room, followed by Mordin.

"Shepard. Good to see you awake. Come to check on Krogan." Mordin rattled, pulling a data pad off Chakwas' desk.

"Hackett refuses to be put off, Shepard. You can go brief him now, then return and I'll removed the bandages. Jeff did a good job." She added, and eyed Shepard's new hairstyle.

Hopping off the bed, Shepard moved to the briefing room.

Hackett's holo was pacing before her as she entered. She snapped him a salute, and he nodded.

"Commander, I am hearing chatter that you are brokering a treaty between the Krogans and the Turians?" His face was incredulous.

"If I get Krogan boots on Palaven, the Turians have promised their support." She acknowledged.

"And how did Cerberus get involved?"

Shepard frowned. "I don't know. The Illusive Man is up to something."

Hackett's face was severe. "Then keep them at bay. I can't overstate what a victory this treaty would be for the Alliance. We'll need all the help we can get."

Shepard nodded. "How is the Prothean device coming?"

"Alliance R&D has officially begun construction. The team has dubbed the project 'The Crucible.' We are throwing everybody who knows how to hold a hammer at it. This is going to be the most ambitious undertaking in human history."

"Will we get it done?" Shepard knew the scope of the project was immense.

"I'm not saying it won't be a challenge… but our researchers tell me the design are… elegant. Massive in scope, but strangely simple as well."

Hackett's laser-like focus honed in her face, and she involuntarily straightened her spine. "We can do this Shepard. _You_ can do this. Never doubt that."

She snapped him a salute. "No Sir."

"Good. Hackett out." He returned the salute, then signed off.

Shepard headed back to the med bay, to get Chakwas to remove the bandages, but stopped when she heard raised voices coming from the conference room.

"You have the female Wrex! A cure for the rest of your people can come later." She heard Victus shout, and opened the door to see Wrex standing with his arms folded across his massive chest, and a mulish look on his face.

"That wasn't the deal." He said menacingly.

Wondering what she had ever done in her life for the gods to punish her this way, Shepard stepped into play mediator.

"But Palaven needs your re-enforcements now. We can't delay." Victus pleaded.

Mordin slipped into the room behind her.

"Unless every Krogan gets the cure, there's no alliance." Wrex growled.

Victus planted his fists on the conference table and took deep breath's in through his nose, trying to stay calm.

Shepard turned to Mordin. "Mordin, how long will it take to finish a cure?"

He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Need to synthesis base antigen from female. Also requires healthy male Krogan tissue. Will need sample." He rattled off.

"You looking at it." Wrex boasted.

Mordin eyed him. "Acceptable. Will need you to remain aboard Normandy for procedure."

"Let's hope the food has gotten better." He grunted.

Shepard frowned at him. "Formulating a cure that works for every Krogan sounds like a tall order, Mordin. Can you do it?"

"Of course! Similar to Genophage modification project. Working against own alterations this time. Not as simple as garbage DNA blocking attachment sites. Will need to counteract shut down of redundant nervous system, adjust neurotransmitter levels-"

Shepard cut him off before her head exploded. "Got it."

He smiled at her. "Will create cure, Shepard. No need to worry."

"Then get started, Mordin. And make it quick."

Both Palaven and Earth depended on him now.

He nodded. "Always do. Will be in med-bay if you require more. Eve needs tests."

Shepard did a double take. "Eve?" _What are the fucking odds?_

Mordin paused. "Female's real name unknown. Normandy's a human vessel. Human mythology seemed appropriate under circumstances. Suggest speaking with her. New perspective. Surprising in Krogan." He sniffed at Wrex, then bustled off.

 _Ahh, that makes more sense._

Suppressing the urge to scratch her bandages, Shepard turned back to Wrex and Victus with a sigh. "Now, is there anything else?"

Victus nodded. "There's a small matter concerning a ship that we've lost contact with."

Shepard nodded. "What happened."

Victus looked at Wrex, then back at her. "I'd rather discuss it in private."

Wrex shoved off from the wall he was leaning against and snorted. "Turian problems can't even come close to what I've got."

Shepard frowned at them both. "What is it" She hissed, frustrated at them both.

"Some of my men went missing. The rest we can discuss…" He shot a look at Victus. "… somewhere else." He finished.

Shepard's breath hissed from behind her clenched teeth. "I'll find you both in the war room. Be ready to talk." She spun on her heel, and left them spluttering behind her.

After seeing Chakwas and having her bandages removed, she decided to go and see Garrus. She wasn't ready to play mediator with Victus and Wrex just yet, and she and her friend were in dire need of a chat.

When she opened the door to the main battery, he wasn't at his usual station. She saw his feet peeking out from under one of the Thannix cannons, and bent down beside him.

"Garrus, didn't waste anytime getting to work I see." She teased.

He scooted out from under the gun, and whiped his talons on a rag.

"After what I've been through lately, calibrating a giant gun is a vacation. Gives me something to focus on." He smiled.

"We are going to need you for more than your aim." She teased.

He chuckled. "Oh, I'm ready for it, but I'm pretty sure we'll still need giant guns…and lots of them. Sovereign didn't go down without a fight. I doubt a thousand of his buddies will be any different." He looked at his hands, and fidgeted slightly. "I'm still not sure I should've left Palaven behind." Guilt rang through his dual flanged voice.

Shepard put her hand on his arm, urging them to sit on the bunk. She took a deep breath, and met his eyes. "There was a boy…back on Earth. He couldn't have been more than six or seven." She looked down at her hands, her jaw clenched tight. "I watched him die as the Normandy escaped the attack." She took a deep breath. "Somehow I am still alive…and he's not."

Garrus took her hand off the bunk and squeezed it gently in his massive one. "Being right about the Reapers has never felt much like a victory, has it?"

He asked her softly, knowing to leave the details about the boy alone. Knowing how she felt, because he too had seen his country burning as he left.

"We both knew this fight would be tough. Damned if the Reapers haven't delivered." She muttered bitterly.

"At least my government listened to me. Or pretended to. They finally gave me a task force as a token to shut me up." Garrus quipped, steering them away from the melancholy topic of dead children.

Shepard took it as the lifeline it was. "So, you're their 'expert advisor' now?"

He laughed. "Just followed your example, Shepard. Yell loud enough, and someone will eventually come over to see what all the fuss is about." She smiled. "Not that they'll actually do anything about it."

She leaned back. "Until hell shows up at their door. Then they put you in charge." She quipped.

Garrus laughed, the first real laugh she had seen in a long time. They headed to the mess and sat down, Shepard with a tea, and Garrus with a dextro-cola of some kind.

"Not like the old days, is it? Rogue spectre and C-sec agent running and gunning outside the lines, making it up as we went along. We are actually respectable now." He teased.

The tight feeling that had been in her gut since she saw his face when she told him abut Kaidan eased. Garrus was her _best friend_. She should have never doubted that they would be okay.

Shepard took a sip of her tea. "Yeah." She scoffed. "I have a feeling that respect comes with a lot of sleepless nights. I can't even count how many lives are depending on us, Garrus."

He cocked his head at her. "Well, when things are looking grim -and I'm pretty sure they will- just remember…A certain Turian friend of yours isn't sleeping any better. And he'd be more than happy to meet you at the bar and drink you under the table." He clinked their glasses together, and took a big swig of his drink as she laughed.

"God Garrus. I missed you. It wouldn't be the same without you here. Thank you for coming, and heading into hell with me once more."

"I wouldn't be anywhere else Shepard. Beside, someone has to help you keep this rabble in line."

They chatted more, and then Shepard decided she had better go and see what Wrex and Victus needed, before heading to bed.

An hour later, she wished she had gone to bed and met with them in the Morning.

It was a shit-storm, no matter which way she spun it. Victus had a ship that had gone down on Tuchanka, and refused to tell her why it was there, just saying it would cause a war if the Krogans found out about it. Basically, he needed Shepard to get down, deal with it, and get out, with no one the wiser.

Wrex's issue was no better. He had sent a crew to scout the Rachni relay, as there had been suspicious activity happening. Basically, he thought the Rachni were back, and needed her to go meet up with his best unit to find out.

No matter which one she dealt with first, it was FUBAR waiting to happen.

00oo000oo00

As it turned out, she wasn't going to help either Wrex or Victus at the moment. She had gone to bed, then in the morning on her way to check her messages, Traynor had cornered her. She discovered a distress call from Grissom Academy, a school for Biotic students, among other things.

It had sounded very series, so Joker was en route there now, while Shepard decided to chat with 'Eve'.

The med-bay door opened silently, and as soon as she heard Mordin speaking, she wished she could burn out everything he said from her memory.

"…aware Krogan females find scars attractive. Garrus loyal, reasonably intelligent. Bit aggressive. Almost like Krogan-"

"For the third time doctor, I'm not interested!" Eve cut him off with a growl.

By that time Shepard had darted forward to stop him herself, unable to take the image of Garrus mating with a Krogan from her mind.

 _Barf._

Mordin turned to face her. "Ahh Shepard, we were just-"

Mordin was cut off again by the appearance of Wrex stomping into the med bay.

"Are you okay?" The massive Krogan asked worriedly.

Eve heaved a long suffering sigh. "I'm fine Wrex. You can relax."

Wrex shot Mordin a nasty glare. "Can't be too careful…or put any faith in Salarian doctors."

Mordin hung his head, but Eve turned to look at him. "This one is different." She said softly.

Mordin's head shot up with a snap, and he looked at her happily.

"Is he?" Wrex snorted. Mordin grabbed a syringe and approached Eve who held out her arm for him. "What's that!" Wrex snapped.

"Simple blood test." Mordin answered.

Wrex's large hand on his arm stopped him from continuing. "What kind?" He growled.

Shepard watched this with interest. Wrex hadn't really worked with Mordin before…and the Salarian was a scary motherfucker when he wanted to be…it would be interested to see how this played out. She leaned back, and decided only to intervene if necessary.

Mordin's gaze followed the hand on his arm up to its owner, his luminous eyes cold. "The kind that ends the Genophage." He said calmly, and Wrex removed his hand.

Mordin turned to look at Shepard once he had drawn the blood. "Shepard. Distractions counter-productive. Also effecting comfort of patient."

Shepard sighed and pushed off from the counter she was leaning against. "He was your inside source Wrex. You can trust him."

The scarred Krogan looked at her like she was a simpleton. "Salarians have minds like a maze. You never know when they are leading you into a trap."

Mordin whirled, and Shepard tried not to smirk. Wrex was in for it now.

"Trap! Eve's release my doing! Would never have known about her if not for me!" He said, outraged.

Wrex shrugged. "That was then, but she's out now. And if she gets hurt, I'll feel it."

Mordin held his ground, drawing himself up to his full, if still rather miniscule, height. "Understand. But _my_ patient. My responsibility. Her welfare a priority. Will not allow her to be compromised by _anyone_."

Wrex drew himself up, and Mordin simply pointed at the door, then turned back to his blood test.

Wrex's jaw dropped, and Shepard braced herself to intervene. A booming laugh rang out. "Ha! You've got a quad, doctor! Keep her safe."

Still chortling, Wrex headed for the door.

"Don't forget. Still need your tissue sample." Mordin called after him, and Wrex paused in the doorway with a grimace.

"I'll be back." He hissed, and headed for the War room.

"Common phobia. Fear of needles." Mordin said under his breath to Shepard.

Mordin bustled off to the far side of the lab, and Shepard was able to go and chat with Eve.

She discovered a lot in the few hours they sat, chatting quietly together, while Mordin muttered to himself and ran his tests.

'Eve' as it turned out, was a shaman of the Female clan of Krogan. She had given up her true name the day she took the position. She had dedicated herself to learning and preserving the Krogans ancient way of life. Before they became a culture entirely based on war and becoming mercenaries.

Eve had a grudging respect for Wrex, and the way that he was doing his best to get the clans to work together, and try to create allies. She and Wrex were untied in a common goal. That seeking revenge for the Genophage was something that would work against the Krogan as a whole. If they were ever to have a galactic voice, the cycle of violence had to end.

Eve explained that Clan rivalry was relatively new to the Krogan, an invention of the males, after the Genophage was unleashed. With no families to tend to, war and fighting became all they had. It was one of the reasons she volunteered for Maelon's cure. To try and build a brighter future.

Eve was also quite taken with Mordin, surprisingly.

Shepard developed an immense respect for Eve. With everything she had gone through, that her people had gone through, Eve still believed it would all work out.

That was the kind of faith that Shepard needed, to believe that she could win, that the galaxy could pull together and defeat the Reapers. It was an illuminating discussion.

But Shepard could see that Eve was exhausted, and wandered over to catch up with Mordin so Eve could get some rest.

While Eve napped, she and Mordin ended up talking about what they wanted to do when this was all over. She was surprised to hear that the doctor wanted to find a beach somewhere and relax. She teased him about that fact that he would go completely stir crazy without anything to do, and he shrugged and replied he would run tests on sea shells.

Shepard said it sounded like a plan, but didn't voice the wish she had for if they all got out of this. It was to new and too precious to voice out loud yet.

Joker came through the comms, and told her they were approaching the academy, and gave her a thirty-minute warning.

Saying goodbye to Mordin, she headed to the armoury to suit up.

"You still want to try out the new body in combat EDI?" She called.

"Yes Commander!" Came the prompt reply.

"Alright. You and Garrus arm up, and meet me on the bridge."

There were no Reaper signatures nearby, so now was a good a time as any- with the Normandy able to stay close- to see just what this Cerberus machine had to offer.

Joker brought the Normandy in sight of the academy, and scowled at the sight before them. "And there's the folks who answered the Distress call. Cerberus cruiser. At least a dozen fighters on blockade duty. They do _not_ want any company down there."

While Joker punched a few more commands, EDI alerted them to an incoming transmission.

"Let's hear it." Shepard said.

"SSV Normandy. This is Kahlee Sanders, director of Grissom Academy. We need immediate assistance. Cerberus is attacking the facility. They are after my students." The teacher's voice was strong…Shepard could hear she more pissed off, than scared.

"This is Commander Shepard. We're blocked on a direct approach." Joker was still muttering and trying to find them another way in.

"I know. They've taken control of our docking bays" _Yup. Definitely pissed._

"Any alternatives?"

"There's an auxiliary cargo port I could probably open."

Shepard frowned, not wanting to use a shuttle with so many gunships down there. But it seemed there wasn't another choice. Joker nodded at her.

"Alright. We will come in by shuttle and get the students out of there. Shepard out."

Shepard cut the transmission to Sanders, and put her hand on Joker's shoulder.

"Joker, can you create a diversion?"

The pilots face lit up like a kid on Christmas. "Oh Boy! Can I?" He cheered, and cracked his knuckles.

Shepard grinned, and headed for the shuttle.

They deployed in the shuttle, and Cortez had them hang motionless, while the Normandy fired a few shots at the fighters, then led them on a merry chase away from the school.

Joker whooped and cheered like he was on a carnival ride the whole time.

Shepard's omni-tool lit up as they began their approach in the shuttle. She opened it up, and was shocked to hear Kaidan's voice.

'Shepard? Hey, I just got a message from one of my students saying Grissom Academy is under attack. I ran it through to Hackett, but there is no one near the Petra Nebula. Are you close enough to go check it out? There are a lot of Biotic students there… the best members of my team came from Grissom."

 _Damn…Kaidan's people must be pretty good._

"Actually I am about to hit Grissom Academy right now. My comm specialist picked up their distress call, and I just spoke with their director Kahlee Sanders. We are about to get boots on the ground down there."

"Thank god. If anything happened to Sanders, Anderson would loose it. I'm glad you are there to help them out. Is it the Reapers?" His voice was full of relief, and huskier than usual.

Shepard grimaced. "Actually no, it's Cerberus. Look, I will give you a progress update once we are inside. Does Anderson know Sanders?" She asked, still a little confused.

"Fucking Cerberus" He spat, disgusted. But for the first time, it didn't make her flinch, or feel guilty. "What they hell do they want with a school? And yeah, Sanders is Anderson's girlfriend."

"What! Oh god, you are telling me more about this later. I think I know why Cerberus would want to attack a school of Biotic students. If you haven't already, read the dossier on Jack, from my missions against the Collectors. Read the part about Pragia." She said grimly as the shuttle touched down, Garrus moved to the door, giving her the 'wrap it up' signal.

"Fuck…" She knew by his voice that he had read about it.

"We just docked Kaidan. I'll be in touch soon."

"Stay safe, Shepard."

She cut the communication, and they headed through the docking station.

They moved through a silent hallway, then Sanders' harsh whisper came over the comm in their ears. "Commander. I am locked in a server room up the hall from you. Cerberus troops are trying to get in."

Shepard waved EDI forward, and Garrus took up position on their six. She opened the door leading forward, and four Cerberus troops whirled to face them. Garrus took out the one on the door with a perfect head shot. Shepard began to unload her assault rifle on the others, when they were taken out with an electric blast, followed by head shots from a pistol. She turned to see EDI calmly holstering her weapon.

Seeing Shepard's incredulous expression, the A.I shrugged. "Jeff and I have been working through combat simulators. He tells me I am very good."

Coughing to hide his laughter, Garrus moved towards the room Sanders was locked in.

"Sander's we're clear. It's me." Shepard called. The door opened, and a petite blonde stood up from behind a desk, an assault rifle leveled at Shepards face.

Seeing that it actually was who she expected, Sanders lowered the gun and walked swiftly towards them.

"Anderson always said you were the best. And with Cerberus coming for my students., I need the best." Her light blue eyes honed in Shepard, and gave her a once over.

Still reeling inside from the info that Anderson had a girlfriend. A gorgeous blonde girlfriend who knew how to wield a gun, no less, Shepard just nodded.

"How many of you are there?" Garrus asked.

"Fewer than twenty. Most were sent home when word of the Reaper invasion spread." Shepard nodded to Garrus and EDI, who spread out and looked for anything useful. Sanders continued. "But a few volunteered to stay. Some are prototyping tech for the Alliance."

Sanders's sat at a desk, then hesitated and turned to look at Shepard. "Others are…biotics. They've been training for military operations, working together as biotic artillery."

"I'm aware. Major Alenko reached me just after you contacted me. He had been contacted by one of his special ops members, informing him about the attack. The Major informed me about the biotic students."

 _And other things…_

"You mentioned Admiral Anderson earlier… you know him?" Shepard fished while Sanders punched commands into the console.

"Yes. We met…god, almost twenty years ago when he was a Spectre candidate. I was there when Saren betrayed him. David is a good man, and he saved my life that day. I have no idea where he is in all of this." She was worried now, Shepard could see it in her eyes.

 _Twenty years! Anderson you sneaky bastard, you never let on once!_

"He was with me on Earth when the Reapers hit. He stayed behind, and is leading the resistance now."

"Thank god he's alive." Sanders murmured, relief flitting across her face. 'If we get out of here…Tell him to _stay_ alive…and be careful."

Shepard patted her on the shoulder bracingly. "You'll tell him yourself, Sanders."

A shrill beep began to emit from the console, and Sanders grinned. "I've been trying to get the communications working. Looks like we are GTG."

A man's frantic voice came through the console. "This is Froeburg! There are students trapped in Orion hall. Cerberus has us boxed in. They are closing in fast!"

"Damn it!" Sanders slammed a fist on the desk.

Shepard pulled her assault rifle free. "Orion hall?" She barked, and Sanders rattled off directions.

"I'll bring them back here, and we will make a run for the shuttle."

Sander's stayed, going to lock herself in and try and regain control of some of the systems.

Shepard, Garrus and EDI set off at a jog to reach the students. As the trio moved through the halls, and announcement came over the facility speakers.

" **Attention all students. Cerberus troops have taken control of this station. We have no desire to hurt you. Surrender, and you will not be harmed. Resist, and we can not guarantee your safety."**

Sanders needed to get the speakers back under her control, ASAP.

They moved through another door and short hallway, and emerged into a hall with piles of burning furniture scattered around. There had definitely been a firefight.

Shepard held up her hand, and Garrus and EDI froze and dropped into cover. Dropping onto her belly, Shepard crawled until she could peek out from behind a large planter.

A teenage boy held a biotic barrier around himself, arms shaking with the effort. Two Cerberus troops were trying to talk him into dropping it.

"Reiley Bellarmine, drop the barrier, now!" One barked, and the boy shook his head.

Shepard took a deep breath, and lined up a head shot.

"Nobody's going to hurt you. The file says we need you alive." The other said, it what he must have thought was a reassuring way.

"But your sister? She's optional. You give us any trouble, and we'll find her." The first trooper hissed menacingly.

Shepard saw the torment in the boys face, and knew he was considering dropping it.

"Keep that barrier up, Reiley!" She yelled, and her shot took the first trooper down in a spray of red.

Garrus took out the other seconds later. Shepard jogged up to the barrier, putting away her weapon and raising her hands.

She remembered Kaidan telling her about Vyrnnus, and knew just how powerful teenage hormones and biotics were when combined. She needed to keep Reiley calm.

"Reiley, I'm Commander Shepard with the Alliance. I met your director, Ms. Saunders. I am here to get you and the other students out."

His arms were shaking with the effort of holding up the barrier, and sweat was pouring down his face.

"There may be more Cerberus troopers nearby. Lay down and play dead until we've cleared the rooms close by, then get to Saunders. She is in the security room by the cargo dock. Do you know how to get there?" She kept her voice soft, her eyes locked on the boys.

He nodded, and let the barrier drop. Shepard handed him an energy gel…a habit she had never broken after carrying spares for Kaidan on the SR-1.

"Okay…but my sister Seanne is out here somewhere too. Please help her." She could see the exhaustion in his face.

Leaving the boy laying half underneath a bench, the team moved silently into the next room.

"Sanders, we have Reiley Bellarmine headed to you soon."

"Thank god. His sister, Seanne is here too."

"We are aware. We will keep sending them your way as we come across them."

The speakers were still spewing Cerberus filth about how they were all powerful, and there was no point in resisting.

" **There are Alliance soldiers on the station now. They claim they want to help you, but all they are doing is threatening your safety."** The announcer soothed, and Shepard wished she could find the cocky fucker and jam her pistol in his throat.

She hoped the students were smart enough to know how full of shit he was.

They came into a classroom, and a terrified student ran in from the far side. Before Shepard even had time to react, she was hit with a headshot, and crumpled to the ground.

She looked at the young woman, horrified. Garrus pulled her down into cover, as the voices of the Cerberus troops grew louder.

"Watch the headshots! Orders are to take them alive. Check the file, who was it?"

Rage began to bubble in Shepard's chest. She remembered the boy, burning in the shuttle, she remembered the blood stains in the fighting ring on Pragia. She remembered Lily, blood stains creeping across her chest, as she bled out in the back yard.

Her hands tightened on her assault rifle, making her gauntlets creak.

"Honaker. Some kind of math genius. Low priority." A pair of troopers entered the room, stepping over the body dispassionately as one checked the data pad in his hand.

"Good. No loss. Remember to check the file first next time." The other ordered, completely unfazed by the dead girl under his boots.

Shepard exploded from behind her cover with a roar.

"Murderers!" She howled, and unloaded her assault rifle on them. Even as they fell to the ground, she continued to fire on them. The blood was roaring in her ears, and every slug that slammed into the unrecognizable slab of meat in front of her was like a vindication.

She was hauled roughly back, and a gauntleted hand smacked across her face, hard. The roar in her ears cut off, and she only then realised it had been her who was roaring.

Garrus shook her once more, and she came back to herself. She looked down at the pulpy mess that had been the Cerberus troops. She had advanced on them, finger tight on the trigger of her gun the entire time. Other than their arms and legs, the troopers were unrecognizable.

EDI was looking at her, head tilted to the side as though studying her. Garrus looked shocked.

"Shepard?"

She shrugged off his hands, she began forcing herself to take deep breath's, in and out. In and out.

Her omni-tool pinged, and she opened it automatically.

"Shepard. It's Kaidan. Are you in the Academy?"

She looked at the body of the girl…her red hair spread out like a fan on the ground. Her throat worked, but she couldn't get the words out. She just kept seeing them over and over, like a movie reel in her head. Lily, the boy, the girl. Lily, the boy, the girl.

"Shepard?" Kaidan asked again, his voice sharp now, as he became worried.

Garrus grabbed her arm and raised it to his lips. "Were here Alenko, its bad. Cerberus is killing any student that isn't a biotic." She could feel Garrus' eyes searching her face, and she tried to pull herself together.

"Jesus! Aren't they pro-human? What could they possibly gain by killing them?" Kaidan's voice was horrified. "Why didn't Shepard answer, is everything ok?"

She looked at Garrus, and her mouth worked, but she couldn't force the words past the tightness in her throat. She shook her head.

"We are fine… Can't talk now Alenko. Shepard will brief you when we get out."

"Garrus-" Kaidan was cut off as Garrus ended the communication. He gently released her arm.

"Shepard…"

She shook her head at him and hands clenched into a fist, and she pulled her shotgun free.

She wanted to see these fucker's eyes when she ended them.

Moving with the deadly efficiency that made all N7 graduates legends, Shepard took point. They came into a large room, and there was a blood stain on the floor, where someone had dragged themselves…or been dragged, around the corner. Shepard leveled her shotgun at torso height, and rounded the corner.

A teenage girl, with dark hair sat in a puddle of blood, hand raised defensively at them.

"Stay back! I'll…I'll…"

"Crap, she's bleeding out. She needs help now!" Garrus rasped, and Shepard darted towards the girl lowering her shotgun hastily.

A name stitched on the girl's uniform showed her name to be Seanne…the young biotic Reiley's sister.

"Seanne, my name is Commander Shepard. I saved your brother, Reiley. He is with Kahlee Sanders. Let me help you know, and we will get you back to him."

The girl dropped her hand, and Shepard tore open a packet of medi-gel. The girl had been shot, but it looked like a graze along her torso. Shepard didn't think anything important had been hit.

Wishing she had a decent medic with her, she pumped medi-gel into the girl's system, then paused as gunfire erupted from farther ahead of them.

Handing Seanne a stim, she pulled her to her feet. "Can you get to them?"

The effects of the stim giving her a burst of adrenaline, Seanne nodded. "Yeah. Thank you, Commander."

Seanne scrambled away, back in the direction Shepard had just come from. Then she, EDI and Garrus moved towards the gunfire.

"Sanders. Seanne Bellarmine is headed your way. She is injured, but moving."

"Ok Commander. I just got an emergency message from one of the students trapped in Orion hall. One of our instructors is with them, but they can't hold out much longer."

Shepard noticed a communications scrambler set up next to the door they were about to pass through. She nodded to EDI, who hacked it and blew it up.

"Shepard you're a miracle worker!" Sanders breathed through the comm, then her voice took over the stations speakers, shutting up the droning Cerberus douche.

"Students if you can hear me, this is Kahlee Sanders! I am still alive and help is coming! Commander Shepard and an Alliance team are here to rescue us."

Shepard opened the door, and chaos was revealed.

Standing defiantly in front of a group of students…was Jack.

"Eat this!" The tattooed biotic screamed, and unleashed a massive shockwave that threw three Cerberus troops in a wall, to crumple in a heap.

"Jack!?" Shepard called, and the Biotic whirled to face her.

"Shepard?"

They took a few step towards each other, then Shepard held out her hand to stop her. A massive Atlas, like the one she faced on Sur'Kesh was entering the face side of the room.

One of Jack's students stood paralyzed by fear at the massive machine. It raised its arm, preparing to fire a rocket. Jack launched herself in front of the boy, and raised a flawless barrier, just as it fired the rocket. It detonated harmlessly on the shield.

 _Fuck… I wish I could have done that on Sur'Kesh._ Shepard griped to herself, skin tingling in memory of the burns.

The massive Atlas prepared another shot, and Jack just stood glaring up at it with a sneer.

Not wanting to risk her shield holding up a second time, Shepard and EDI began to fire on it, drawing its attentions away from the students, while Garrus set up his sniper nest behind them.

"This thing is out of your league everyone, scram! Shepard, keep it off us." Jack called, and herded her students to the upper level.

It was an intense fight, and it wasn't made any easier by the fact that Cerberus troopers began pouring into the room, and firing upon Jack's students. The biotic had them behind a barrier, but it wouldn't hold up forever.

"Garrus! Concentrate on keeping Jack and the students safe, EDI and I will deal with the Atlas."

Garrus nodded, and sprinted for another location.

"Of course, Shepard." EDI called, and suddenly there were two of her. One darted directly into the Atlas path, while the other headed back to Shepard. The Atlas turned to aim at the first EDI, and its back was facing facing Shepard. Hoping like hell the A.I knew what she was doing, Shepard took out the Hydra and fired a set of missiles at the behemoths back.

A rocket passed harmlessly through the first EDI, and she disappeared. The rockets exploded into the Atlas, just as the real EDI dropped its shields.

The screams from the Cerberus trooper trapped inside filled Shepard with a grim satisfaction as she watched it explode.

She and EDI helped Garrus take out the remaining troops, then she headed for Jack.

The biotic dropped her barrier, and smirked at them from the balcony above. "Kahlee said she was putting out an SOS. I had no idea the queen of the girl scouts would show up!" Jack jeered.

She turned to her students and the playful demeanor dropped. "Alright. Amp check! Prangley, those fields were weak! Cerberus isn't going to lie down out of pity like that girl you took to prom!" One of the older male students blushed furiously, as the rest snickered. "Grab juice and an energy bar, we move in five." She ordered.

Shepard turned to the stairs, going to head up to Jack. The biotic beat her to it however, dropping down from the balcony.

"Jack thank god you're-" Shepard started.

Blam! Shepard saw stars as the side of her face exploded with pain. Jack had punched her, a full right hook, right to the jaw.

"What the fuck!" Garrus roared, as Shepard spat a mouthful of blood on the ground.

"Damn it, Shepard! How many times did I tell you not to trust Cerberus!" Jack spat, massaging her knuckles.

Rubbing her jaw, Shepard eyed the furious woman. "You're not telling me anything I haven't told myself, Jack." Her voce was bitter, the image of the dead teenager burning in her mind.

Jack sneered. "Aww, you feel bad? Well shit, I bet that's a big comfort to all the people Cerberus has killed."

Swallowing down her hot retort, Shepard repeated in her head. _Just let it go, she earned her right to an I told you so._

"Charming as ever." Garrus growled from behind Shepard, and the biotic turned her sneer on him.

"Good to see you again, Garrus. Face still looks like shit."

Garrus looked wounded, and scrubbed a hand down his face.

"Jack's personality seems largely unchanged." EDI chirped, and Jack's eyebrow's shot up.

"EDI? Nice body. Now you look like a sex bot, instead of a sex toy."

Garrus made a strangled sound.

Jack returned her focus to Shepard. "Ok, right now all I care about is getting my guys out of here."

"Your guys?" Shepard asked, looking at the students.

 _Wait, did that mean…Jack was the instructor?_

The biotics face got almost…tender. "Yeah, I guess so." She shrugged.

Shepard swallowed down the _'how the fuck did that happen'_ and tried to be more diplomatic.

"I can't think of anyone who would care about them more."

Jack smirked at her. "Well, I had some free time while you were off playing hero. Alliance brass knew I helped you. That Admiral, Anderson? He offered me this, and apparently the students responded well to my…teaching style."

There was a cheer from the balcony above. "The Psychotic Biotic!" Prangley cheered, while a girl with dark hair did a pretty good impression of Jack in a rage. "I will destroy you!" She roared, then broke off laughing.

Jack snorted at her. "Drink your juice, Rodriguez! You couldn't destroy wet tissue paper."

Shepard's comm lit up. "Cortez to extraction team. The Cerberus cruiser is coming back."

 _Fuck._ "How long have we got?"

"Two minutes, tops. After that, there's no way we'll get past them."

Shepard looked at the group of laughing students above her. She met Garrus' eyes, and he nodded. He knew there was no way they could get them to a shuttle on time. Cerberus would blow them out of the sky when they tried to leave.

'Get out of here Cortez. We will find another way off the station." She ordered.

"Roger that. Good luck, Ma'am."

Cortez cut off, and Shepard opened the channel to Sanders.

"Shepard to Sanders. The students are safe, but the shuttle is a no go."

Sander's came back across the line. "Understood. I might know another way off the station, but I need station-wide camera access. Can you disable the Cerberus security overrides? It's routed through Orion hall, so it should be nearby."

Shepard motioned to EDI, who set off to find the access panel. She had it done in minutes, then they hacked the door and were ready to move once more.

Shepard pried the door panels apart, and called to the students grouping together behind her.

"Everyone be ready." She gestured to Garrus and EDI. "We will go in first and draw their fire."

"We will shadow you from the second level, and hit those fuc-…those guys from above."

Garrus' jaw dropped about a foot at Jack's attempt to not swear in front of the kids.

"That is a good strategy that protects the students from direct fire." EDI nodded at her.

"Time your shots, and stay safe." She called to them and Jack nodded, turning to address them.

"Alright. I didn't bust my ass training you so you could die now. Keep low, and pick your targets."

All of the student's omni-tools lit up at once, and they looked at them in shock. The grating voice of the Cerberus announcer spewed forth, and Shepard bit back a string of curses.

" **Students of Grissom Academy, the station is sealed. The Alliance soldiers cannot save you. All they can do is get you killed. Surrender peacefully, and you wont be harmed."**

"Pfft! Asshole!" Jack scoffed.

Sanders came over the comms as well. "Damn it! They are messaging everyone. Students, switch your omni-tools to privacy mode so they can't track you." She ordered.

One of the girls, Rodriguez, looked terrified. "What…what if they're not lying?" She asked quietly.

The other students shared glances, and Shepard could see they were thinking the same thing.

"You've held your own against Cerberus this far. You've been trained for this by one of the best." Shepard said, her tone ringing with command.

Jack stepped closer to the frightened girl. "C'mon Rodriguez. They are only asking nicely 'cause you scared them in the last fight." Jack's face was nose to nose with the girl now. "So take your balls outta your purse, and kick some ass."

"Shepard… I have a question." EDI chirped, and Shepard face palmed.

"I'll explain later EDI." She said, and the A.I nodded.

Rodriguez nodded, and her face filled with new resolve. Shepard signaled Jack, and they split off, the students taking the upper level, while Shepard, EDI and Garrus would bear the brunt of the attack.

And attack it was. They moved into an open atrium, and it was here that Cerberus began to throw everything they had at them.

They battled it out for a solid half an hour, before managing to take out the last of the Cerberus troops. EDI's Cerberus body was unharmed, but Garrus had taken a shot to the thigh, and there had been some close calls with the students.

Shepard moved through a door, intending to get up a level to meet with Jack, but she froze when she heard a Cerberus troop in the room she just entered.

Dropping down and crawling to a better vantage point, she saw two students huddled behind a biotic barrier…that was red.

"That's an impressive barrier, Octavia. Our file shows you've been working on shield technology." One of the troopers was saying.

"It's a handheld multicore solution based on cyclonic technology, asshole. And its pronounced Oct-tah-via!" The student jeered.

"Why don't' you come out peacefully." The other trooper tried.

"Why don't you bite me!" Octavia hissed.

Snickering, Shepard and Garrus took out the troopers before they even knew she was there.

Stepping out from behind the over, Shepard approached the strange barrier.

"I don't know who you are, but stay back!" Octavia spat.

She and the male student were standing, omni-tools facing outwards in front of them.

Shepard held her arms in front of her placatingly. "I'm Commander Shepard, Systems Alliance. I am here to help."

"I didn't buy it from the last guy, I'm not going to buy it from you." She hissed.

"Sanders, I've got two students here behind a shield barrier." Shepard said into her comm.

Their omni-tools lit up, and Sanders told them to stand down. The barrier dropped.

"You guys did a good job keeping yourselves safe. The biotic students are a level above us. Stick close to them, and they'll get you out of here." Shepard said.

"Ok…Thanks." Octavia said, and she and the male student headed for the upper level.

Shepard moved forward once more, and when the door opened it revealed one of the massive Atlas'. But this time, it was empty.

A Cerberus engineer had his back to them, and hadn't heard the door. Garrus took him out silently, Shepard looked at the Atlas, tempted.

The glass screen protecting the operator was broken… but it would be so sweet to let Cerberus have a taste of their own medicine.

"Jack…watch your fire. We are coming up from below. I'm in the Atlas mech!"

"What! No fair Shepard!" Jack howled.

With EDI on point, Shepard manoeuvred up the stairs in the Atlas, towards the shuttle bay. It was carnage. The troopers turned, and seeing the mech, returned their attention back to attacking Jack and her students, huddles behind a massive biotic barrier.

Their mistake.

Shepard launched two rockets, one after another into the cluster of troops, and smiled as they screamed and rolled in the flames. Unloading heavy round after heavy round into those remaining, she ended their misery quickly.

Wave after wave of troops were annihilated, between the Atlas' heavy weapons, the biotic attacks, with EDI and Garrus flanking them.

Once the mech began to smoke, Shepard got out. She didn't want to risk being in that thing when it finally blew up.

Trotting up to where Garrus was crouched, she ducked down next to him with a grin. "Have fun?" He quipped.

"God, yes." She grinned.

"Hurry Commander! The Normandy had pulled the Cerberus destroyer out of position, we need to leave now. I am in the shuttle bay!"

Shepard signaled Jack, and the students ran for the shuttles. Shepard and her team made it through, and Sanders started loading the students onto the shuttle.

"Sanders, is everyone accounted for?" Shepard called, helping the last student, Prangley onto the shuttle.

"Wait! Where the hell is Rodriguez?" Jack called, worry on her face.

There were a few shots fired, and Shepard whirled to see the girl running for the shuttle, three Cerberus troops trying to shoot her legs out from under her to stop her.

"I've jammed the locks!" Sanders said in horror as Jack tried the door. Cursing Shepard and Garrus began to smash the butts of their rifles into the glass window, trying to smash the thick glass.

"She needs cover fire!" Shepard yelled, as the teenager skidded behind a bench and cowered from the shots being fired at her.

"She needs more than that!" Jack howled, and blew out the window with a massive shockwave.

It hit the remaining troops, and sent them spinning through the air like toys. Shepard vaulted the window, and helped Rodrigues to her feet. They got into the shuttle, Garrus behind the wheel.

With a lurch, they were gone. Once cleared from the station Shepard got the Normandy on the comms. "Joker, we flew out on a Cerberus shuttle. Watch your fire." She ordered.

"Right. I've got you on sensors. Pick up in a few minutes."

Sanders reached out and grasped Shepards hand. "Thank you, Commander. We'd never have gotten off that station if you hadn't come."

Jack snorted. "Fuc- Forget that! We kicked some ass. Next place we dock, your all getting some ink. My treat!" The students looked at her in horror. "What do you guys want? Ascension project logo? Glowing fist? Maybe a unicorn for Rodriguez?" Jack teased.

"Screw you Ma'am!" Rodriguez wheezed, making the other students laugh.

Sanders looked at the students crowded into the shuttle thoughtfully. "I can't believe we made it out. I was going to suggest that they stick to support roles. But perhaps they are ready after all." She mused.

Jack shot Shepard a look. It clearly said 'they aren't ready.'

She thought of Kaidan, describing his early years in BaAT. The exhaustion, migraines, stress. These were teenagers for Christ sake. They weren't going to be on the frontline.

She also knew that the worst thing she could do for them was undermine their confidence.

"Oh they are definitely ready, but the Alliance needs them in a support role."

Jack shot her a grateful look.

"What! We trained for artillery strikes!" Prangley said.

Shepard gave him the 'Commander face.' "We don't need another artillery unit. We need stronger barriers for our front line squads."

"This is bullshit!" Rodriguez yelled.

"Hey!" Jack yelled, and they all stopped and looked at her. "If that's where they need us, that's where we go. Bedside's, I'm sure well get some shots in."

Joker came over the shuttle speakers. "Commander, we've got a visual on you now. Preparing to dock. Hey Jack, now that you're military, you gonna wear a uniform? Or are you just getting the officer's bars tattooed on?" Joked jabbed.

"Screw you F-…flight lieutenant." Jack finished lamely, looking at the kids around her, all snickering.

Joker burst out laughing. "What the hell was that!" He wheezed.

Sanders explained, also chuckling. "Jack promised to watch her language in order to maintain the necessary professionalism required of our teachers."

Shepard wondered why they bothered, if they were going to let her pick out her own outfits. She eyed the heavily tattooed woman's choice of strategically placed straps over her breasts, studded leather jacket, and army fatigue bottoms tucked into combat boots.

It made no sense.

Joker laughed even harder. "What, does she have a swear jar or something? 'Cause I bet if we empty that thing we could afford another cruiser!" He howled, pleased with himself.

Jack's brows drew together dangerously. "Cover you ears, kids." She hissed. "Hey Joker, F-"

"Commander we have successfully docked with the Normandy." EDI chirped, and Jack looked at her in outrage.

"Jack, I have a question." EDI chimed once more, ignoring the dirty look.

Looking as though someone had just pissed in her cornflakes. "What?" Jack spat.

"How does one keep their balls in a purse? My understanding of Human anatomy does not make this seem possible."

Roaring with laughter, Shepard and Garrus stepped off the shuttle.


	43. Chapter 43

**Authors Note: So once again, I am making some changes to the game canon. I never really got how there weren't any conversations between Kaidan and the Crew during his hospitalization... so I hope you like it.**

 **Also, thank you to Impslave for the reviews...and for Beta reading for me.**

 **Cookies for you ;)**

 **Enjoy!**

 **Chapter Forty-Three**

Kaidan sat on the edge of his bed, and ran the tests like the Doctor advised. Bring his biotics up, create a shield. Drop them. Bring his biotics up, do a lift. Drop them.

He sighed. The first few times he had tried anything more than even _thinking_ about his biotics he had gotten a nose bleed. Things were starting to come back for him now, but it was a slow, painful process. On the bright side, Shepard was on her way back to the Citadel.

She had explained, although the message had been heavily encrypted, that she was trying to cure the Genophage, and had rescued an immune female. The Salarian she had leading the cure research needed some more supplies for the Krogans care, and Chakwas wanted to trade some other medical supplies also. So they were making a stop on the Citadel before heading to Tuchanka.

He was intensely glad she was coming, and for completely selfish reasons. Since she left him after their talk, this gnawing hunger to see her face, hear her voice…touch her skin…had all but consumed him. Now that he knew she wasn't going to shut him out, that she accepted the fact that he had been such an immense idiot, and forgiven him, he wanted to be around her all the time.

In the middle of a galactic war, Kaidan Alenko had finally realized that for him, Jane Shepard _was_ his universe.

Chuckling to himself, he looked at the jewelry box on the nightstand. He should have given it to her when he first knew she had come back, and he had let his suspicions get in the way of what was right.

 _Well, there's no time like the present._

As though summoned by his thoughts, the door opened and there she was. Shepard was in her fatigues, and looked cranky, disheveled, and heartbreakingly beautiful.

His heart gave a painful lurch. _Oh, Alenko. You have got it bad!_

"Hey, Shepard." _Nice, real smooth._ He grimaced.

When her sharp green eyes met his though, she smiled, and her whole face lit up. "Hi yourself, Kaidan."

Shepard walked up and bent down, kissing his cheek. As she went to stand up, he grasped the front of her shirt and pulled her down to meet his lips. Her mouth was firm, and yielded immediately to his. He felt her smile against his mouth, and he released her while stroking a thumb down her cheek.

"You better be careful. I could get used to 'hellos' like that." Shepard smiled softly at him. She turned and tugged the chair close to the bed, and settled into it.

Kaidan said "You're trying to cure the Genophage?" at the same time Shepard said "How are you doing?"

They laughed. "You first." She said, settling deeper into the chair liked she planned to stay a while.

"Sounds like a pretty tall order, Shepard. How are you going to do it?" Kaidan was genuinely curious. Shepard had done impossible things, but most of those had been because of her own merit and ability. The Genophage was science…and crazy biological science at that.

"I picked up Dr. Mordin Solus. He is a Salarian scientist who worked with me to take down the Collector base. He is the reason we could avoid the seeker swarms." She looked at him sympathetically as she said it and he hid his grimace. The feel of that thing stinging him, and the helplessness he felt when he was paralyzed, was something that still haunted his nightmares.

"Anyway," She continued. "Mordin has done work on the Genophage before, and had access to some data that was already steering towards a cure. He is confident he can get it done within a few weeks."

'Weeks!" Kaidan was blown away. The Genophage had been in place for over a thousand years, and Shepard would have it cured… in _weeks_.

"Yeah. Mordin works almost as fast as he talks. And that's saying something." Shepard muttered. "And it's a damn good thing, because I swear I am going to have to chuck Wrex out the airlock. He alternates between trying to be tender and caring to Eve, the female Krogan, and bullying Victus." She rubbed the back of her neck.

It was then Kaidan noticed her hair. It was cut short, and swung along her jawline, the bright strands gleaming in the lights from the room.

"Shepard…Your hair." He said it gently. He remembered when she had told him about her hair, and why she fought with Anderson and Hackett until she had gotten an exception to the regs,

Her mother had been so proud of the fact that Shepard was one of the rare natural blondes, she would brush Shepard's hair, and whisper that she should always keep it long. To be proud of being something so rare. Shepard told him her mom used to call her 'honey child,' and she had to watch over her, in case the sun stole her away jealously.

The corners of her eyes tightened. "You remembered?" He grasped her hand.

"Of course I did. What happened?" He asked softly, he knew she wouldn't have cut it all off short without a good reason.

"Cerberus… The have some new kind of heavy mech, man operated. It was going to fire on Eve and Mordin. When I tried to distract it, it fired a rocket at me. There was no where to go." His hand tightened on hers. "My shields dropped, and then I was burning…" She swallowed hard, and pulled her gaze from her lap to meet his eyes. They were shining with the tears she refused to let fall. "… After the Balak system, Chakwas cut some of it off… She had to. It was so matted and caked in blood. But on Sur'Kesh, so much of it had melted together from the flames…" She shoved a hand through the jaw length bob, sending the honey-colored strands dancing. "Joker saved everything he could, and managed to make it look like something. But yeah… it'll be a while before I can get it back to where it was."

Shepard took a deep breath, and Kaidan saw her swallow down the painful memories. "It's only hair. At least it grows back, not like I lost an arm or something."

"It looks beautiful, Shepard. Kind of sassy. I like it." He stroked his fingers through it, relishing the feel of the soft waves, and for a moment she turned her face into his hand. She kissed his palm lightly, and his biotics flared in his fingers. She grinned at him, and he blushed.

"But enough about that…" She eyed him, her green gaze raking slowly from head to foot. "So…Major?"

He blushed again, and chuckled. "Uh… Major, yeah."

"I've obviously missed a whole hell of a lot, but this is something you definitely deserved. I don't know if Anderson ever told you I had recommended you for a promotion, after we took out Saren. I wanted you to be my new XO. You were ready for your own command, even then. Congrats."

"Yeah. Anderson and Hackett had me set up a Special ops program, for Biotics. I recruited the best biotics from around the Galaxy… that how I knew about Grissom Academy."

Shepard's eye's lit up, and he knew she was intrigued. "What's the focus?"

"Covert, high risk missions. I turned it down at first…I tried to leave, get back to the Normandy. But Anderson convinced me of all the good I could do with this. Also, me? Teaching? I prefer to get my hands dirty."

Shepard snorted. "Yeah, Anderson can be pretty persuasive."

"Yeah. Totally a hard-ass, but you can't argue with his experience. He wouldn't take no for an answer. Said that he couldn't have you and I both gone…said it had to be me." He said, trying to not look guilty. She just beamed at him.

"He was right. As much as I wanted you with me when I saw you on Horizon… working with someone like the Illusive Man, well let's just say it opens your eyes. I wouldn't have wanted it for you, now that I've been through it. Besides, with your history, you're the perfect choice." He heard her swallow down her bitterness.

"Yeah, I guess. Human biotics are – well, we are different. Freaks even. Most people in the galaxy still see us that way. But accepting it, embracing it, can be the difference between success…and sitting at home in your PJ's taking red sand."

"You are the complete opposite of everything Vyrnnus was. Those students are lucky to have you to help them, to teach them." Shepard squeezed Kaidan's hand. "How are your parents? Are they safe?" She asked softly, her eyes searching his.

Kaidan's chest tightened like a vise. Shepard had always been perceptive. It was something he loved about her, and a huge part of what made her so successful.

He cursed that perceptiveness now.

"Kaidan…" She breathed his name, and he almost broke. She must have seen his struggle to lock down his fear and worry, because she released her grip on his hand, and stood. She took off her jacket, revealing a snug black tank top. Throwing the jacket onto the chair she had just vacated, she sat on the edge of his bed, motioning him to scoot over. Making sure she avoided his I.V., she curled up next to him, her arm around him, pulling him close.

Kaidan had refused to let himself break when thinking about his parents. Worrying about them. Laying there, with Shepard's arm like a band of support across his chest, his resolved cracked. He wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her hair.

"The left the house in Vancouver, and got a shuttle to the orchard in the B.C. interior. They left the day of the attack." Shepard was running her fingers through his hair, her other arm still tight around him.

"Heard from them?" She whispered.

His throat was tight. "No. Not yet. My dad is retired Alliance… I'm hoping his training has kept them safe. It must be killing them not knowing where I am."

Shepard just held him, and continued to stroke his hair. Kaidan fought back the hot tears, but a few slipped through, and fell onto her shoulder. She turned her face to him, and her thumb brushed the tracks from his cheeks.

"I'll have Liara look into it. If anyone can figure it out, she can. We will find them, Kaidan."

Throat tight, he just nodded. It was just like her. To use her resources…the Shadow Broker's resources, to find out information just because it meant something to one of her people, even though they were in the middle of a war.

A feeling of warmth stole through him. He was one of her people again.

They lay next to one another on the bed for long minutes, not speaking, just enjoying being close to one another. The door opened with a whoosh, and Shepard sat up, looking to see who it was.

Joker stood awkwardly in the doorway. Giving Kaidan a rueful smile, she swung her legs over, and hopped off the bed, grabbing her jacket and putting it on.

"Hey, Joker."

"Hey, Shepard. You don't have to go…" Joker said, sending a slightly panicked glance at Kaidan.

"Nah, I've got to meet Garrus and help with the Turian refugees, and I owe him a new sniper rifle. I'm never playing Skyllian Five with him again." She groused good naturedly, and Kaidan could tell she was trying to ease the tension between them.

She turned back to the bed and kissed Kaidan's cheek. "I've got to head to Tuchanka next…and I might be there a while. I'll be in touch as often as I can."

"Ok. Be safe out there…stay away from the Thresher maws, ok?"

She laughed.

"Pfft, like that's gonna happen. Ten credits says she arm wrestles one this time." Joker snarked.

"Hah! You're on Moreau. They don't even have arms!" She jeered, and laughing, stepped through the door.

The two men looked at one another, then Kaidan cleared his throat. "Look, Joker…I'm sorry. I know after the Normandy went down, I was…it wasn't ok."

Joker limped into the room, and sat gingerly on the chair. "I would have done the same…or worse if I had been in your shoes, Alenko. It's fine."

Some of the tightness in Kaidan's chest eased. He had been not been himself the last time he had seen Joker, and in his drunken state had said some things he regretted. He was glad the pilot didn't seem to be holding a grudge.

"So the SR-2 seems..." He started, but was cut off immediately as a torrent of words began spewing from the pilot.

"But that shit you pulled on Horizon was not ok, man. I know Shepard has forgiven you, and that you guys are working it out…but you wrecked her. You weren't there to see how she fell apart. You weren't the one who had to go to her when she thought she was just some clever clone in Shepard skin." Joker's voice was hard, and Kaidan had never seen the smart ass pilot look so severe. "It took a lot for her to get to a good place before Horizon. When Garrus was put down by that rocket…well, we all thought he was gonna die. She was _this close_ to losing it." Joker held up his right thumb and forefinger apart slightly to illustrate his point. "She told me she thought she had been brought back just to be punished, so she could watch us all die as she failed to save us. And you know what she worried about? You. With all that going on in her head, she was worried about finding you, making sure you were okay."

Joker broke off, sucking in a lungful of air. Kaidan closed his jaw with a snap. Joker leaned forward, and jabbed a finger into Kaidan's chest.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is, you aren't the only who cares about her, ok? And if you hurt her again, I will kick your ass so bad…ok well, maybe not me. I will have Garrus kick your ass, severe, then cut your heart out with a spoon."

The pilot's eyes were cold on his, and Kaidan nodded.

"I won't hurt her again. I was a total ass, and my mouth ran away before my brain had time to catch up. I tried to come back pretty much as soon as I left, but Hackett re-assigned and basically stonewalled me. Said he couldn't have both of us go off on a suicide mission, and put me in charge of a Special Operations team, First Biotics Division."

Joker nodded, then leaned back in the chair and looked around the room. "Yeah, Shepard said you were kinda badass now. So, Major huh?… bet that comes with some perks." The pilot grinned, and Kaidan felt a wave of relief. Apparently Joker had said what he needed to say, and was now willing to move past it.

Kaidan laughed. "You would think, but all it really comes with is more work."

"Bet the paycheck is nice though." Joker leaned his chair back on two legs, whistling through his teeth. "Got a nice room all to yourself, anyway."

The pilot's gaze was still roaming the room when he gasped, and the chair teetered dangerously. Kaidan's hand shot out and slammed the front of the chair back down, then he followed Joker's gaze to his night stand.

And the blue velvet jewelry box sitting on it.

"Buh…wuh…" Joker stammered, pointing at it.

Kaidan raised his hands, shushing him. "Shut it, Joker. I was going to give it to her today, but we were talking and… I sort of forgot about it. Then you showed up."

"Are you crazy! You're gonna propose to her! No man, this is such a bad idea. It's too soon..."

Kaidan grabbed the box off the table. "I said shut it!" He hissed, looking around to make sure no one was near the room. "It's not a ring. Don't be so dramatic. It's a medallion. A necklace!"

Joker's face got some of it's color back. "Jeez. I almost had a heart attack. Why did you get her a necklace?"

Kaidan scrubbed a hand across his face. He had forgotten the pilot's incessant need to be in everyone's business all the time.

"It was already hers. I just kind of, re-did it for her. Did you ever see the one she wore all the time? Before the Normandy went down?"

Joker's eyes got wide, and his mouth shaped into a 'O'.

Kaidan shrugged. "Yeah. Well, I noticed that she doesn't have it anymore, so I thought that it was probably lost. I had this one re-made, to be like the one Wallace gave her after N training. I know it's not the same but..."

"Ahh, man… She is going to flip out. I think I kind of get it now." Joker muttered, giving Kaidan a thoughtful look. He pushed himself to his feet.

"Joker, wait. I never got to thank you. For giving me the suit feeds…for being there for her. So, thank you."

He reached his hand out, and Joker took it, giving him a firm shake. The cocky pilot shrugged. "That's what friends do, Alenko, they look out for one another."

Kaidan let go of Joker, and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "Yeah. Hey, Joker? How is uh…Garrus doing?"

A surprised, then calculating look came over Joker's face. "Garrus? He's okay, I guess. Why?"

By the look on his face, Kaidan knew that Joker knew about Garrus' feeling for Shepard. "I watched the mission and suit feeds. I know he can't be thrilled that I am back in her life."

Joker leaned a hip against the bed, and sighed. "Kaidan…the thing with Garrus and Shepard is, well, kind of complicated. They are best friends, and she relies on him, more than anyone else. But truthfully…she is thrilled to be around you again. You can see it written all over her face. At the end of the day, all Garrus wants is for her to be happy, and she wants him to be happy. But I wouldn't be alone on an elevator with him or anything for a while. He has…trust issues." The pilot grimaced at him.

Kaidan knew he would have a long way to go with the Turian he once called his friend.

Joker's omni-tool beeped. "EDI calls. Gotta bounce. See you later, Alenko."

"Bye, Joker."

Kaidan thought about his morning. He got to see Shepard, and touch her skin and kiss her. He got to see Joker, and clear some air between them.

There was a lot of trust to be rebuilt with her team.

But, he was ready for the challenge. It made him decide there was something else he could do, to gain trust and prove he had grown past being someone with allegiances only to the Alliance.

He brought up his omni-tool. "Councilor Udina? I accept. I am honored to be a Council Spectre."

00oo00oo00

Shepard had met Garrus at the docks, and did the trade for Chakwas. The turian refugees were in rough shape, but Shepard used her pull as a spectre to get them as much help as she could manage.

EDI had messaged her that she had an incoming transmission from Anderson. She hadn't spoken to her old mentor since leaving him on Earth, so she was hustling back to the Normandy, Garrus behind her. As they neared their dock, a brunette in a tight dress launched herself into their path.

"Commander Shepard! Diana Allers, Alliance news network. I think we can help each other."

Shepard paused. "I don't have the greatest track record with reports." She grimaced, thinking of Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani, and made to scoot past.

Allers blocked her once more, Garrus snickered. "I know." Allers said. "It hasn't exactly endeared you to a galactic audience. But, that can change. I am a military reported with the show 'Battlespace.' We are carried on just about all Council planets." Shepard cocked an eyebrow at her, and she rushed to finish. "My producers want me embedded on a human ship, and I want that ship to be the Normandy."

Shepard kept her brow raised, and shared a look with Garrus, who shrugged. "Why would I want that?"

"Wars can be won, or lost, in the editing room. And this war needs to be won. I've got Alliance security clearance, and operate without a crew. You get full veto power of the segments I file. Can you handle an arrangement like that?"

Shepard rubbed a hand across the back of her neck, hating the bare skin she felt instead of hair. One of the biggest issues with this war was that no one was taking it seriously. You walked around the Citadel, and people were planning date nights and vacations.

"Tell your producers yes, for now. We will do a trial run, and see how it works out. Report to the ship ASAP. Any questions?"

Aller's looked excited and worried at the same time. "How much gear can I bring?"

Shepard snorted. She held up one finger. "One foot locker."

Looking like that was going to be a serious blow, Aller's saluted and let her pass.

"Reporters, Shepard? Really?" Garrus quipped.

"Oh, shut it, Garrus! She made a good point, and I get full veto power. The only shit anyone will see is the shit I say is okay."

"Your call, Shepard."

"Go put your gun away, you ass. I've got to meet Anderson."

Garrus left, cradling his new sniper rifle like a baby in his arms, a goofy smile on his face. Shepard darted into the comm room.

A holo of Anderson pacing was in front of her. He was thinner, but whole, and mostly uninjured.

"Shepard! Damned if you aren't a sight for sore eyes." He grinned, turning to face her as she approached.

She laughed. "Good to see you too, sir."

"Sir? I may have reinstated you, but that doesn't give you permission to go all formal on me." He teased.

Smiling, she shrugged. "Then I am glad you managed to keep your geriatric ass alive, Anderson."

He burst out laughing. "That's more like it! Although I resent the geriatric part. That stung." He made a wounded face, and rubbed over his heart. "Looks like you didn't waste any time getting to work up there. I can't even imagine what would have happened to those kids if they had fallen into Cerberus hands."

Shepard didn't have to imagine, she knew.

Anderson continued, missing the haunted look that darted across her face. "Hackett has the technically minded students working on the Crucible. They have some good ideas."

Shepard smiled. "They are definitely eager to help."

Anderson's face became grave. "These students are some of the best and brightest humanity has to offer…and we are throwing them into battle. God-dammit, I hate this war." Anderson face went through a wide range of emotions, and he rubbed hand across his face. "Hackett didn't mention in his report…"

 _Aha! There it is._ "Kahlee Sanders is safe. She is with the biotic recruits…and very attractive if I don't say so myself. You dog! How did you keep this a secret from me all these years! Kaidan spilled his guts. I know she is your girlfriend!"

Anderson face-palmed with a groan. "Damnit Alenko. It's been a long time… we met years ago, when I was being checked out as a spectre candidate. We've been through some hairy situations. We don't get to see each other as often as we'd like."

She could see the older man was feeling put on the spot, and she took pity on him. "She told me to tell you to stay safe, and stay alive."

He smiled, a true grin that was filled with joy. Shepard's heart swelled a little. "Did she now?" Anderson asked.

"Yup, sure seemed to care about how you were doing, even with Cerberus attacking the students. Must care quite a bit." She teased.

Anderson chuckled. "Yeah…I know someone else with those same traits. Where is that Judas Alenko anyway? He was supposed to be sending regular reports on his biotic team."

Ahh, shit. Anderson hadn't heard. "Kaidan is in Huerta Memorial. He was hurt pretty bad on Mars… He is out of the game for now. But looks like he will make a full recovery. They are trying to recruit him to the Spectre's."

"Damn, that's a shame. But the Spectre's? Good for him, he would be great…somewhat more diplomatic than others I know…" He arched an eyebrow at her.

She shrugged. "I told you, I'm not so much with the diplomatics." She emphasized the non-word with air quotes.

He roared with laughter. "You are just what we need, Shepard, but it will good to have Alenko at your back. Take care of yourself out there, and I will try reach out again soon."

"You too, Anderson."

The connection dropped, and Shepard decided to hit the showers. It would be at least an hour before all the crew was back on board and they could head to Tuchanka.

Once they were there, she had the feeling showers would be a longed for luxury.

00oo00oo00

Shepard, Garrus and James were in their armor, ready to approach Tuchanka. Mordin still needed some time to work on the cure, so she decided to deal with Victus' missing platoon. Wrex had grumbled but shut up when she had shouted him down about wasting resources by flying across the galaxy when they would need to be on Tuchanka anyway when the cure was ready.

The Primarch was still being incredibly tight-lipped, other than telling her his son was the lieutenant in charge, and it was giving Shepard a bad feeling. She had wanted Garrus along, both because her shoulder blades were itching, so she didn't want anyone else on her six, and also because he would understand if this was some kind of turian military FUBAR.

They all piled into the shuttle, and Cortez took them out through the bay door.

Shepard's face became more and more grim the closer they got to the surface. The turian ship had gone down, hard. There was debris scattered over miles, some of it still in flames.

"This crash site is a nightmare." She hissed, looking at the carnage spread out below them. "EDI, try to raise Lieutenant Victus."

While they waited to see if they could get a hold of the young lieutenant, Garrus moved up next to Shepard, his arm raised above him to hold the rail for stability. His face was grave. "For a turian commander, what happened here is…let's just say the turian code is not forgiving."

Shepard raised her eyes to his. He continued. "And that it's his son is bad for the Primarch. Promoting family without merit can bite you in the ass."

Shepard nodded. She had seen it happen in the human army, also. It generally did not end well.

Garrus had a more confused look on his face now. "What's strange is that Victus _knows_ that. It doesn't make sense."

The itching on Shepard's shoulder blades intensified. If Garrus' spidey senses were tingling as well…there was something much bigger going on that they realized. Victus had said if it wasn't dealt with quietly, there would be war with the krogan. Shepard was beginning to feel like he wasn't exaggerating.

Cortez looked over his shoulder at her. "Commander, I am going to have to land well back from the main crash site."

 _Fuck._ She did not want to have to hoof it for miles. She wanted to get in and get out. "Is that the best you can do?"

"Yes, ma'am. The Reapers seem unaware of our presence. You might be able to get the jump on them."

Finally, some luck. "Alright, set her down. Let's find out what the fuck happened down there. Our priority right now is the survivors."

She jumped down from the shuttle first, followed by Garrus and James. She took a few steps, scanning the flaming wreckage.

"Commander. I have raised Lieutenant Victus, but the connection is bad." EDI spoke through the comm.

"Patch me in." Shepard ordered.

There was a harsh squeal and her ears were assaulted with static. "This is Commander Shepard, Alliance Navy. Do you read?"

The sound of gunfire peppered through the background as Lt. Victus answered. "This is Lieutenant Tarquin Victus of the Ninth Platoon. We're pinned by Reaper harvesters and taking heavy casualties." He broke off with a curse, and Shepard could hear him running to new cover. "Also, there are pockets of my men scattered along the crash trajectory."

 _Jesus fucking Christ. Harvesters? This is a nightmare_. "Lieutenant. I need you to fire a flare so I can find your position."

Garrus began scanning the sky. After a few seconds, a red flare launched, about a mile and half from their position. Garrus quickly tagged the estimated coordinates into his visor.

"Got it." She barked.

Victus came back through the comm, a high pitched scream in the background cut abruptly short. Garrus flinched. "Things are getting worse by the minute. My men are dying!" Victus sounded panicked.

The connection dropped. "EDI, try and get them back. James, Garrus, let's move. This sounds bad."

Shepard hoisted her assault rifle, and took point. They began a ground eating jog, scanning constantly for survivors, or bodies, as they moved along the path of the downed ship. After several minutes, Garrus broke the silence.

"A secret turian mission on Tuchanka seems especially odd. Thoughts?"

James snorted. "You're the turian. You tell us."

"I got nothing, Lieutenant." Garrus was worried. She could hear it in his voice. She rounded a pile of rubble, and dropped to a crouch, rising her hand to get them to freeze and stay quiet. Up ahead, crouched over a body, were four husks.

Garrus moved closer, until he was right next to her. "We don't want them to call for backup." He whispered.

She nodded, and quietly switched to her sniper rifle. She and Garrus lined up head shots, and James leveled his assault rifle at the other two.

Shepard breathed a three count into the comm, and then the husks were dead. There was enough noise from the burning and occasionally exploding wreckage, that no one would have heard the short burst of gunfire.

She stood and moved silently forward. There was a dead turian under a pile of debris. The husks had been tearing at him. Garrus swallowed hard, and refused to look down. James muttered curses in Spanish, and they moved forward.

There was nothing to be done for the dead, when there might still be survivors.

They moved forward for several more minutes, when Garrus touched her shoulder, causing her to pause. He pointed at a faint red light, emitting from a pile of rubble ahead of them. "Escape pod. Looks like casualties."

Shepard saw it now, buried under scorched rock. There were several bodies around it. James jogged forward to check it out.

"Survived the crash, just in time for a harvester to take them out." He muttered. It looked like the soldiers had gotten out of the pod, then been cut down by the harvested before making five steps out of the door.

Shepard ignored the way they looked like wild animals had been at them. She prayed they were killed in the explosion caused by the harvester…and hadn't been dragged out and chewed on by husks while still alive.

They jogged for about another five minutes, when James hissed. "Eyes up!"

Garrus and James froze, ducking into cover, and Shepard crawled forward to check it out. Peeking through the scope of her sniper rifle, she saw a small group of Turians by another escape pod. But this time they were alive, and fighting to hold off husks and cannibals.

"Okay, I have a visual on the enemy…and there's a escape pod just beyond. Looks like the turians are in tough. The Reapers don't know we're here."

Garrus rolled out his shoulders, and James cracked his neck. "Surprise on our side once again…I like it." Garrus growled.

"Let's go!" She barked, and a cannibal's head exploded. Garrus didn't waste any time.

She and James rolled into the open and began taking them down with their assault rifles. It was a short fight, with the Reapers caught completely off guard. Once the last enemy was down, Shepard jogged towards the massive chasm. The escape pod was on the other side.

There was a roar, and a massive shadow fell across her. "Incoming Harvester!" James bellowed, and then Shepard was down, something massive tackling her and rolling her out of the ball of flames where she had been standing.

She was a little winded, but rolled to her back. Vega was grinning down at her, and they were hip to hip on the ground. "Hey there, Lola."

She rolled her eyes at him, and gave him a shove. They rocked back onto their heels as the Harvester circled back around, this time focusing on the turians across the chasm.

She and James switched to incendiary rounds, and unloaded everything they had into its soft underbelly as it turned to fire on the turians.

James fired a rocket at it, and part of its belly exploded, coils of intestine spilling onto the ground. It roared in agony, and tried to turn and face them.

It was all the window Garrus needed to put a shot right through the tech where its eye should be. It launched into the air, but only managed to beat its wings a few times before it exploded.

It was silent for a few long heartbeats, then several turians popped out of cover and cheered.

"Thanks for the assist!" One called, helping an injured fellow to his feet. Another got patched into the comms.

"Don't stop for us, we will head for the main crash site." He moved off, the rest following him.

They moved with perfect military precision. She cocked an eyebrow at Garrus, who shrugged. "Hey, I'm the exception, remember? Most turians bleed military."

"Not one left behind." James gave a fist pump. It was nice to see people make it out. It didn't happen enough.

Sighing, and shaking her head, Shepard once more took point and started a ground eating jog towards Victus. They were a little over halfway now.

Their path forward was blocked, so they went up several old ladders, and trotted along jagged rooftops. It looked as though this had once been a major industrial area for Tuchanka… _you know before the nuclear fallout._ Everything around them now was dusty rubble.

Their line of old rooftops ended, and Shepard began dropping carefully to lower levels, having the others wait until she knew it was stable before allowing them to follow. After several minutes of this, Garrus spoke up with a grunt.

"Being the son of Adrien Victus is a lot to live up to. It's a big military name on Palaven. War's expected to run in the Victus blood."

James scoffed. "Yeah, it doesn't always work that way. You gotta make your own name."

Shepard held up her hand to silence them. Apparently, there had been Turian survivors. They began to move past bodies. Men and women who had been gunned down, trying to reach the main crash site.

They lay in pools of cerulean blood, and Shepard repressed a shudder at the memory of Garrus looking the same…half his face torn away by a rocket.

She glanced back at the big turian behind her. As though he knew what she was thinking, he reached out and squeezed her shoulder.

"Don't worry. I'm right behind you." He muttered, giving the bodies a dark look.

She nodded, and up ahead, they heard bursts of gunfire. Once more the turians were in front of them, with the enemy unaware they had been flanked.

Shepard signaled James and Garrus, then they dove into the fray. She left the husks to James and his shotgun, while she darted ahead to lob grenades at the cannibals firing on the Turians.

There were only a few husks left, when a shadow once again fell across them.

"Harvester!" Garrus shouted, but James, blasting away with his shotgun, didn't hear.

Cursing, Shepard sprinted towards the big marine, and launched herself through the air at him. She hit him with a full body tackle to the waist, wrapping her arms and legs around him and sending them both crashing to the ground.

She sat up and peeked out of cover. The shot from the Harvester had taken out the last of the husks. She looked down at a stunned Vega. "Well, hey there, Jimmy." She cooed, still straddling him.

He blushed, and she grinned and rolled off him. "Hah! And you said it was hard to make you blush!" She crowed.

"Dios mio, Lola. Your lucky all you got was a blush." He winked and Garrus loomed over them.

"If you two are done…" He growled.

Laughing Shepard took Garrus' hand and got up. The Harvester had veered away, and more turian survivors emerged from their cover and waved in thanks before tearing off in the same direction Shepard and her team were going.

Once more, they set off at the ground eating jog. Garrus told her they were only minutes away from Victus, when her comm lit up.

"Do you read, Commander? Repeat: Do you read?" Victus' harried voice came through the comm.

"Shepard here. What's your status?"

"We're in deep! Commander, what's your ETA?" Victus sounded panicked, and there was still a lot of gunfire sounding from around him. They could hear it faintly from their position, and she knew she was close.

"Hang tight, we are on our way. ETA five minutes."

She looked back at Garrus and James. "Double time." She barked, and they all began to run. They dropped down a few more levels, and she could hear James puffing behind her.

"Commander! Just saw a Harvester drop a lot of enemies in your path!" Victus came through the comms, Shepard skidded to halt behind a huge pile of debris and eased around a corner.

She scrambled backwards with a curse as a shot rang off her shields. There were at least twenty enemies ahead.

This time, the group contained marauders, husked turians that were incredibly hard to take out. She gritted her teeth and sucked in a deep breath. With a roar, she dove around the corner, lobbing three grenades one after another before diving into cover just before her shields dropped.

Garrus' rifle was keeping up a steady boom behind her, and enemies were dropping after each crack of the rifle, half their head missing. The Harvester kept circling back, causing them to dive into cover, wasting precious time. Finally, the cannibals and marauders were down, and the team could move forward.

Vega had taken a shot through the upper arm, and was furiously patching it with medi-gel. "Here's where politics piss me off. Wouldn't the krogan want to blow these Reapers the hell off their planet?" He hissed, tying off the bandage with a vicious tug.

Garrus looked at him sympathetically. "Krogan-turian animosity is ancient and intense –It's inborn."

"And I need them to work together, so let's not complicate things. If Victus says this is need to know, well, we have to trust him." Shepard muttered.

She moved back into a run, and as they made it to the edge of the battleground, Shepard could see the main wreckage of the turian cruiser jutting up from the scarred earth of Tuchanka. They had made it to Victus.

Unfortunately, there were about forty enemies between them, and the young lieutenant's team.

It was Garrus who moved first this time, switching his sniper for his assault rifle. "For Palaven!" He roared, and began blowing anything in his line of sight away. James looked at the usually calm turian, jaw agape, then grinned ferociously and joined in the carnage with a howl.

Shepard let the men take point, and went back to her sniper. This time, when the Harvester circled, she was ready for it. On their last trip to the Citadel, her gun had been upgraded, and there was not much that could stand up to it now...hideously mutated, klixon-dropping dragons included. Shepard honed in, and fired rapidly at one of its wings. It shredded under her assault, and with a shriek, the harvester dropped into the cluster of enemy forces closest to Victus and his team. They scrambled out of the way, while Shepard once more turned to the Hydra.

The massive gun launched its deadly trio of missiles, and the harvester shuddered under the impact. Before the Reaper forces could escape, it exploded.

Garrus and James took out the rest of the ground forces, and Shepard headed for Victus.

"Lieutenant Victus?" She called as she approached a turian crouched over a dead teammate.

He turned, and rose to his feet, jumping down from the small platform they had been holding out on. "Commander Shepard. My men and I are in your debt. Thank you for saving so many."

Several other turians jumped down behind him, and their faces were twisted with rage.

"What happened here?" She asked him.

Before he could answer, one of his men jabbed a finger roughly into his chest. "He screwed up!" The man barked in rage.

Lieutenant Victus drew himself up to his full height. "Stand down, soldier!" He barked.

The marine refused. "These men are dead because of him!"

Victus got right in the marine's face, chests slamming together in a screech of metal. "I said stand down!"

They were so busy glaring at each other, they didn't see Shepard approach them. She latched a hand on each of their cowls and shoved them apart. "Hey! I just saved all your asses, so everyone can just calm down!" she shouted.

Both of the turians were growling at each other softly, but remained where she had shoved them. Garrus moved up to stand behind her, whispering at her to be careful.

The marine spun on his heel, and returned to the other men. Shepard turned her cold green eyes on Victus.

"Lieutenant, what's going on here?" She snapped.

"I… I made a bad call. This is all on me. I chose caution and clever tactics over a head on attack. And my men paid the price." Victus hung his head.

"You mean the crash?" She probed.

"Yes." The young lieutenant began to pace. "We could see on holo that Reaper forces were blocking our intended path, staying on course guaranteed heavy casualties. So I chose a safer route, skirting the enemy and that took us low and through these ruins. When we encountered resistance, there was no room to maneuver." Grief flitted across his face before he locked his emotions down. "Suddenly, we were in a fight for our lives. A lot of my men lost that fight."

Shepard could see, both by the looks he was getting from his men, and the expression on his young face, that he had lost their respect. And he knew it.

"Owning your mistake takes guts. But you have to get over it and move on." Her voice cracked like a whip. James looked at her in awe. This was Shepard in her element. This was the hero of the Citadel.

Victus tried to rally. "Of course. It's just…fresh right now." He straightened his back, and earned a nod of approval from Garrus. "Our mission is still a failure. When we've stabilized the injured, we'll head back to the fleet."

Shepard was aghast. "You're abandoning your mission?"

Victus looked shocked that she worded it that way. "We're down over thirty men…it'd be suicide!"

Garrus took a small step back from her as Shepard drew herself up. At 5'9" to Victus' 6'8" she shouldn't have seemed big. But her sheer presence, the thing that made her Shepard, made the young turian take a step back. "What exactly did you come here to do?" She asked, her voice deceptively soft.

"There's a bomb on the planet. We were sent to diffuse it."

Shock flashed across her face. "A bomb? How big?"

Victus' shoulder's sagged. "Enormous. Cerberus has it."

 _Goddamn fucking vorcha humping Cerberus. Again!_ Shepard ground her teeth together, and her brows drew down on her face. She stepped close to Victus, right into his space and snarled at him. Garrus took another step back, grabbing Vega's arm and bringing him with him.

"Lieutenant, if Cerberus has that bomb, you _have_ to finish your mission." Her voice dripped with ice, and Victus struggled not to cower away.

"Haven't these men sacrificed enough?" He sputtered.

Shepard took a deep breath through her nose. "I understand. This sacrifice is the hardest to ask for. But your men signed on for this, and so did you."

Victus laughed, a bitter, desperate sound. "My men have lost hope, Commander. Even if I wanted to finish the mission, they don't."

Her patience snapped. There was no fucking way she was leaving this planet while Cerberus still had that bomb. And she, Garrus and James couldn't get it done alone. Turians were bred to follow orders, and she needed to get Victus to make them remember that.

"It's your job to _make_ them want to!" She spat.

"How!" Victus roared, and several of his men got to their feet, looking over at them cautiously.

"Their sacrifice means that others will never face what they faced here today. Remind them that those sacrifices have no honor if their mission fails. If they don't get this done, everyone who died here, died for nothing. Turians aren't cowards."

Victus reeled. His mouth worked, but no sound came forth. He locked eyes with Shepard, then nodded. He spun on his heel, and faced his battered marines.

"Men! I own what happened here today, but we have to carry on!"

The older turian that had jabbed Victus in the chest when Shepard first arrived spoke out. "No, we don't. Who cares about a few dead krogan. It's over."

Victus did not back down. "We are turian, and we will not let Cerberus succeed. Our sacrifice is the difference between life and death for this entire galaxy! Let the heroes of the Ninth Platoon be remembered for performing their duties with bravery." He punched a command into his omni-tool. "All right men. Shuttle is arriving any minute. We are moving out!" He barked.

Several of the men gave each other long looks, and the speaker stepped forward. As one, they saluted him, and formed into their ranks, picking up their weapons as the drone of a shuttle grew louder.

She stopped Victus as his men piled onto the shuttle. "Victus, you have a second shot here. Make their sacrifice count." She clasped her hand on his arm. He blinked down at her.

"Understood, Commander. I will see you at the rendezvous. Give us a few hours for recon, see what we are up against." He snapped her a salute, and hopped on the shuttle. Shepard radioed Cortez for a pick up.

She needed to re-supply and brief Hackett before going to take on Cerberus.

00oo00oo00

Hackett glared at her in shock. "A Cerberus bomb? What the hell is going on? And what do the Turians have to do with it?"

Shepard shook her head. "The coordinates Victus gave me place it in the Kelphic Valley. It is a heavily populated area. That's all I know."

Hackett frowned. "My gut says something's not right here."

Shepard felt the same. She crossed her arms across her chest, and raised a brow at the Admiral. "What do you suggest?"

"Get the Primarch to come clean."

Shepard rubbed her neck. "Should we alert the krogan military?"

Hackett shook his head. "I'd wait. We are in the dark here. Krogan-turian relations are fragile until the Genophage is cured. Let's not push it."

Shepard nodded and Hackett continued. "And how about this bomb? How many troops does Cerberus have on this?"

"No idea." Shepard grimaced. "All I know is…we can't have them detonating that bomb."

Hackett sighed. "Keep me in the loop. Hackett out."

He blinked out of sight, and Shepard took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. This time, Victus senior had better give her some fucking answers.

He was standing at the war table, and looked up warily as she approached. "Impressive work on Tuchanka. I'm grateful that..."

She got right into his face, backing him up against the table so he had nowhere to go. "Why didn't you tell me about the Cerberus bomb?"

He clenched his jaw tight, and glared at her, affronted at the assault on his personal space. She could feel the rumble in his chest that told her he was growling, even if she couldn't hear it. "Why keep that from me? What else have you kept to yourself?"

Even though he towered over her, she refused to back down. "I have nothing for you." He grated out.

"Bullshit!" She spat. "For our alliance to work, I need to trust you."

He finally let emotion show, and glared at her. "Our friendship is new Commander. Would you trust me with information that puts your people, puts Earth, at risk?" He hissed.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Why would _I_ jeopardize our alliance by lying to you now? I have been completely upfront with you. Time to return the favor."

She stepped back, giving him his space back as a gesture of goodwill. He rolled out his shoulders, and gave her a calculating look. "Decisions like these weigh heavy on me. When I was a general, I could pass them up the chain of command. But now, I'm all I've got. Know what I mean?" It was he that took a step into her space this time.

She just craned her neck up at him and held her ground. "Sure. And...?"

"And…that's all." He turned back to the war table, dismissing her.

Knowing she about ten seconds away from breaking her fist on his face, she spun on her heel. She would find out what she needed to know when her boots were on the ground, but this was not the last Victus the elder would hear about it.

As she reached the door, he called out. "Commander! Thank you…for saving my son."

She slammed her walls up and left, refusing to answer him.

She, Garrus and Liara geared up and got back on the shuttle. She wouldn't bring James back down with that shot in his arm. Time to give the Illusive Man a swift kick in the balls.

00oo00oo00

Shepard stepped off the shuttle and flung her helmet across the cargo bay with a roar of rage.

"Shepard…" Came Liara's soft voice, full of concern.

"No." She snapped, and she felt the asari retreat. Shepard began ripping at the clasps of her armor, letting it drop to the floor. She was caked in sweat, blood and dust, and rage boiled in her guts.

 _Fucking Cerberus._

She sat heavily on the bench, and dropped her head into her hands. There was a creak, and she knew Garrus had sat down beside her.

"It's not your fault, Shepard."

' _Commander, thank you for making sure I got this chance.'_ The words kept playing over and over again in her head.

She ripped off the rest of her under armor, and shrugged into her fatigues. She would normally wear dress blues for this sort of thing, but there was no time to shower. Garrus stayed in his armor and stuck to her six.

Joker's voice came through her private channel. "Commander? It sounds like it got ugly down there. Liara just stalked past and locked herself in her room. Did you guys get out alright?"

Shepard paused before she got on the elevator. "The turians took a lot of casualties. The Primarch's son included." Shepard said, her voice flat.

There was a long pause. "Understood, Commander. Joker out." He clicked off the comm.

Shepard took a deep breath, and stepped onto the elevator. Garrus followed her, and put his hand on her shoulder.

"I can do this, Shepard. It doesn't have to be you." He said, his voice rumbling with concern.

She looked up at him, face hard. "Doesn't it? I'm the one that told him to get his ass down there and fix it. I'm the one who let him go up on the bomb. Did you hear what he said, right before he fell?"

Her voice was hoarse, and she hated the tightness in her throat. Garrus shook his head.

"Victory. At any cost."

The elevator stopped, and Shepard stepped off. Victus was typing away on a console. He turned to face her, and looked past her to see Garrus…and no one else.

His mandibles clamped tight to his face, and he let out a keening noise she had heard a turian make before.

She didn't have to say the words out loud.

He knew his only son was dead.


	44. Chapter 44

**Authors Note: Well faithful readers...all I can say about this one is, grab a tissue.**

 ***Sniffs and rubs eyes***

 **Thank you to Impslave, for Beta reading this.**

 **Enjoy**

 **Chapter Forty-Four**

Shepard sat in the starboard observation lounge, cradling a glass of tequila against her chest. She wasn't going to drink enough to get drunk, not with Mordin about to crack the cure, but she was going to drink enough to let the numbness seep over her battered nerves.

The last few hours had been brutal. Wrex had been furious at what he felt was a betrayal of trust. Victus had been numb, and defensive. Shepard had become the mediator in their shouting, and when she lost her temper...

She slugged back the shot. Well, when she had lost her temper, she had screamed at both Wrex _and_ Victus. Her words had been the truth, but that didn't make it right.

Victus had kept a terrible secret…and learned the hard way that secrets got people killed.

The warmth of the tequila burned low in her belly, and she decided she could have one more, then would need to cut herself off. She was standing at the bar, pouring the shot when Vega came in.

He just wandered over to stand next to her, and plucked the shot out of her hand, downing it himself. She shot him a look, and poured herself a new one, and he re-filled his.

She returned to the couch, and sat, looking out at the stars. The leather creaked, as Vega settled beside her.

They sipped their tequila, this time making it last.

"It's too bad about Tarquin. I was starting to like him." Vega mused.

Shepard didn't say anything, just took another sip. They sat in silence, looking out into the twinkling blackness. She could feel James' eyes on her, feel the concern in them. She gritted her teeth, not wanting to talk right now.

When she had been having a particularly bad day while she was being detained, she and Vega had fallen into this routine. Sometimes, having him come and sit would help her talk about it, get it all off her chest. Sometimes, she would just remain silent, and he would drink with her, and let her be.

He sighed. "Okay, Lola." He reached past her and grabbed a clicker, turning on the vid screen. A view of the Normandy's cargo bay came into view behind Diana Allers. Battlespace was on.

"Earlier today Lieutenant Tarquin Victus, only child of turian Primarch, Adrien Victus, was killed in action on Tuchanka. Lieutenant Victus was on a classified mission with Commander Shepard, of the Normandy. Our thoughts are with the Primarch."

Allers was silent for a beat, then her hand went to her ear and horror flashed through her face. James and Shepard leaned forward.

Shepard's omni-tool flashed, and was followed a second later by James'. They both checked them, and raised their eyes back to the screen in horror to hear Aller's confirm what they had just read.

Aller's eyes filled with tears, but she refused to let them fall. "Breaking news. I have just received reports that Arcturus Station, largest space station in the Human Alliance, and home to the Fifth Fleet, has been attacked."

 _No…_

Shepard's chest clutched tight, and she grabbed James' hand like a lifeline. The grim-faced marine held hers just as tightly as Allers continued.

"Admiral Steven Hackett has survived the attack and reports the majority of the Third and Fifth fleet made it out. He commends the bravery of the soldiers in the Second Fleet, who sacrificed themselves, so the bulk of the fleet could escape. Reports are showing there are…no survivors from the station, or the second fleet."

Silence rang through the room. Soon everyone aboard would hear the news.

" _Vaya con Dios_." James muttered, and made the sign of the cross.

"Arcturus and the Second Fleet…that's over forty-five thousand people. There were families there… kids." Shepard whispered. Images of the boy flashed through her mind, and she took a deep, shuddering breath. She tuned out the rest of what Allers was saying. Her omni-tool rang once more. She opened it up, and her vid-screen popped up. Kaidan's face stared through the screen at her. "Kaidan…"

"I know Shepard. I heard. Are you alright?" His face was drawn.

"Yes…No… I don't know. It was…a hard day." She was still clutching Vega's hand, and he tried to tug it free and stand, presumably to give her and Kaidan some privacy. She gripped it, and held him immobile. She wasn't up to sitting there alone…she was so tired of being alone.

"Yeah… I knew a lot of people on Arcturus. Good people." He swallowed hard, and she could see the grief straining his eyes. She saw him pull himself together. "Shepard, I'm sorry, about the Primarch's son. You were with him?" Kaidan's husky voice was like a balm on her frayed emotions. But it was also a double-edged sword.

Shepard continued to sit next to Vega, the body heat coming off of him making her feel human…but reminding her that the person she wanted sitting beside her was hundreds of thousands of miles away. She threw back the rest of her shot.

"Yeah. I was with him. Vega and Garrus too." She turned her wrist, pointing Kaidan at Vega, who gave a sheepish wave before she focused back on herself. "He was just a kid, Kaidan. He saved…god, I don't even know how many thousands of krogan today. But, the universe is a royal bitch, and she balanced it out anyway I guess. It was just us, instead of the krogan." The last shot really hit her, and she was suddenly tired.

Bone tired.

"Shepard…there's nothing anyone could have done." His amber eyes were searching her face, concern showing through the screen.

She stood, and wobbled a little. Vega kept his hand in hers, and stood beside her, helping to keep her steady.

"Yeah. That's what everyone keeps telling me. Listen Kaidan, I gotta go. If I don't get some sleep, I will be useless tomorrow. I think Mordin is gonna crack the genophage tonight. I need to be ready."

"Okay, Shepard. Just…I know how you are. Try not to take it personally, okay? I…we all need you. We can get through this."

She nodded, swallowing hard. "Okay. Goodnight, Kaidan."

"Goodnight."

She flicked her omni-tool closed, and scrubbed a hand down her face.

"He's right Shepard." Vega's voice was quiet, but firm.

"I know. Doesn't make it easier though." She muttered, and leaning against the solid marine, headed for her bed.

00oo00oo00

Shepard jogged towards the bridge, already in her armour. She had been right about Mordin; he had practically flown into her quarters just over an hour ago. He had cured the Genophage.

Now, they had to get it every krogan on Tuchanka…and that meant using the Shroud. The Shroud was a salarian construct on the surface of Tuchanka. The salarians had built it to help stabilize the atmosphere after the nuclear fallout.

It was the only way to get the cure, which Mordin had thankfully made airborne, to the entire population.

She entered the bridge. "What's happening, Joker?"

The pilot was cursing and punching commands into the console. "Sensors show a Reaper…Harbinger class, parked at the Shroud facility. No way you're going to be able to land a shuttle there."

 _Son-of-a-bitch._ "Get everyone assembled in the war room. I want eyes on the Shroud." She strode away, heading for the elevator. The atmosphere on the ship was somber. Several members of the crew had had family on Arcturus. The rest were grim-faced as they went about their duties.

Mordin, Wrex and Victus were already waiting for Shepard when she stepped into the room.

Mordin was glaring at the holo of the Reaper, rubbing his chin.

"Reaper using Shroud to poison Tuchanka's atmosphere. Problematic." He mused.

Wrex was pacing at the end of the table. "They want a fight, they just got one!" He growled, bashing his fists together.

Shepard eyed the data, and turned to Victus. "Primarch, we are going to need your help."

Victus' face was drawn, his mandibles drooping. "That could be difficult. Our losses on Palaven have been… catastrophic."

Shepard drew herself up, shoulders straight. "We are doing this for Palaven. No one said it would be easy." She snapped.

After locking eyes with her, Victus sighed and leaned his hands on the table. "What do you have in mind?" he asked.

Shepard punched commands into the war table, and outlined her plan as she spoke. "A combined attack. Your people hit the Reaper with an airstrike. Wrex, at the same time, your soldiers will be attacking from the ground. Together, you can draw it away from the tower."

Mordin nodded. "Yes. Distraction. Small team can reach shroud facility, finish synthesising cure." He turned to look at Shepard. "Will need Eve to come with us."

Shepard looked at the holo of the Reaper. It was massive, and her gut coiled with dread. "We've never faced a Reaper up close like this. Everyone on board?"

Her eyes jumped from person to person. She met Wrex's and he barked a laugh. "There's even a doubt? Let's move, pyjack. It's time to cure the Genophage!" He roared, and headed for the cargo bay to get his weapons.

Mordin and Victus also filed out, and as Shepard turned to follow, Traynor's voice stopped her.

"Commander? There's an incoming vid call market urgent. I've put it in the comm room for you."

Shepard headed over to see what Hackett needed this time.

Only, it wasn't Hackett.

"Dalatrass?" Shepard asked, her confusion evident in her tone.

"Commander Shepard, we know you have reached Tuchanka." Linron sneered. "And by now, I imagine Mordin Solus had proposed using the Shroud."

Shepard was flabbergasted at her nerve. "Are you spying on us?" She hissed.

"Hardly. The shroud is the only viable course of action open to you." Her face, and voice, turned coy. "Commander, you can't allow your misguided sympathy for the krogan to cloud your judgement." Linron stepped closer. "Do you honestly believe curing the Genophage will end in lasting peace?"

"We have to give the krogan that chance. You can't condemn an entire race to extinction based on what _might_ happen."

Linron's face grew ugly in her anger. "What _will_ happen is the krogan will reproduce out of control! We uplifted them specifically for their violent nature, not their diplomatic skills. Another war is inevitable."

Shepard crossed her arms over her chest. "What do you want, Dalatrass?"

"Years ago, our operatives sabotaged the shroud facility to ensure what you're planning can't be done. Mordin will likely detect this malfunction and repair it." Her face turned cunning. "But, if you ensure that he doesn't, then the cure's viability will be altered just enough that it fails. No one will notice the change."

"You want to trick the krogan?" Shepard had never liked the Dalatrass, but this… this was horrific.

"They need not be any the wiser. Let Urdnot Wrex believe you fulfilled your promise."

Shepard looked at her like the psycho bitch she was. "Mordin would never stand for that!"

The Dalatrass sniffed. "How you deal with that traitor Solus, is up to you, Commander. We can provide you our very best scientists to help with the Crucible…and the full support of our fleets."

And there it was. She was bribing Shepard with the support she needed to win the war. Do this, and you'll have it…don't and the Salarians will pull their support. _The fucking bitch._

"Think about it, Commander. The choice is yours." Linron blinked out of sight.

The anger that had been simmering deep down began to boil. She had been running herself ragged, trying to play peacemaker between Wrex and Victus, getting the supplies Mordin needed, finding people to help Hackett on the Crucible.

Earth was burning, Palaven was burning…and still, the council races bitched and moaned and tried to sabotage one another instead of trying to pull together and fight.

Shepard spun on her heel, and stalked from the room. Crew members took one look at her face and scurried out of her path.

Shepard had finally had enough. The time for diplomacy was past. If, after this mission was over, they continued to act like children, she would break their fucking skulls and put people who would listen in their place.

Everyone was crammed onto the shuttle. She stepped in and told Cortez to go. She could feel Garrus looking at her in concern. Her face felt like it was carved out of granite. She forced herself to swallow her rage down, but but could feel it, boiling just under the surface.

Mordin was seated next to Eve, and was muttering to himself, and patting her hand in what he must have thought was a comforting manner. Shepard remained standing, and turned to face Wrex and the shuttle dropped out of the Normandy with a lurch.

The scarred krogan seemed to fill most of the shuttle. "I've ordered the clans to assemble at the Hollows. It's our sacred meeting ground." Shepard nodded. "We will land there and take an armoured convoy against the Reapers." Wrex drew himself up to his full, and impressive, height.

"This will be the defining moment of krogan history." He said, his tone almost chilling. Shepard locked eyes with him, the Dalatrass' betrayal burning in her guts.

"Krogan history filled with defining moments. Most bloody. Hope this one better." Mordin muttered, and Wrex glowered at him.

Eve was studying her, and when Shepard met her eyes, they seemed to stare right into her soul.

"Commander, you seem troubled."

Knowing the animosity it would cause, the potential delay it could cause to the war effort, made Shepard hesitate. Revealing the Dalatrass' proposal would send Wrex over the edge. But she couldn't keep it from him either.

"I got a message from the-" She was cut off as the shuttle gave a massive lurch, and she was sent spinning into Garrus.

A gruff voice came through the shuttle's speakers. "Wrex! It's Wreav. The Reapers are already at the Hollows. Come out with guns blazing."

Everyone pulled their weapons as Cortez told them to get ready for drop off. Wrex moved to the door, Shepard and Mordin hung back to protect Eve. The door opened to reveal a husk. It spun with a howl, and Wrex blasted it with his shotgun. The krogan roared and leapt from the shuttle, blasting his way through the husks as he made his way to the Hollows.

"Shepard! Keep them away from the female! I'll sort out what's happening with the other clans." He bellowed over his shoulder.

Eve nodded at her, and Mordin pulled his pistol. It was now or never.

They moved into the compound of the Hollows, and chaos was revealed. Husks were crawling down the walls, pouring in from cracks in the floor. The krogan were holding their own, but taking losses. One soldier threw himself into a group of seven or so husks, and took them all over the edge. Sacrificing himself, and taking as many husks with him as he could.

Garrus took up position at the top of the stairs, and began shooting them off the walls as they tried to climb into the complex. James and Shepard positioned themselves halfway down the stairs, with Mordin and Eve behind them.

Anything that even looked like it was trying to get to the female was cut down mercilessly. After several minutes, no more husks got into the compound, and the ones remaining inside were dead.

Shepard did not holster her weapon however, as Mordin was beginning to receive increasingly hostile looks as the krogans bloodlust subsided.

"They'll sing battle songs about this one day! Reaper blood has finally soaked our soil!" Wrex bellowed, and the roars of triumph from the krogan was deafening.

Shepard jogged up to him. "We have to get to the Shroud, Wrex. The airstrike is on its way."

Mordin stepped out from behind her, a smile on his face. "Female safe, Shepard. Vitals are strong."

"What's the salarian doing here?" One krogan snarled, and stepped forward menacingly. Shepard immediately placed herself in front of Mordin.

"Nobody said anything about this!" He snarled at Wrex, who took several steps forward so he was in the centre of the krogan forming a circle around Mordin and Shepard. Garrus and James elbowed their way into the middle, and formed a triangle around the Salarian doctor.

Mordin peered around at the circle of heavily armed and armoured warriors. "Multiple krogan. Problematic." He muttered and Shepard shushed him.

She kept her assault rifle out, and turned to the one speaking. "Who are you?" She barked.

He puffed out his chest. "Urdnot Wreav. Brood brother to our…illustrious leader." He sneered as he looked at Wrex, and some of the krogan in the room jeered.

Wrex ignored them and looked at Shepard. "Wreav and I share the same mother…and nothing else." He stepped closer to Wreav and glowered at him.

Wreav spat on the ground at Wrex feet, "For which I am thankful. I remember what it means to be a true krogan!" More jeers erupted, and Wreav looked around at the assembled krogan cockily. "We flay our enemies alive and drown them in a geyser of their own blood. We don't invite them into our home." He once again turned to stare at Mordin, and Shepard bristled.

"He is with me." Shepard hissed, and drew herself up. "This salarian is not your enemy. He's here to help cure the Genophage." She said coldly.

Wreav took three quick steps forward, and was right in her face. Garrus growled at him softly from behind her, and James leveled his assault rifle at Wreav's chest. "His kind gave us the Genophage! Why should we trust him?" He spat.

Quick as a snake, Wrex was in front of her, and slammed his face plates into Wreav's, sending the slightly smaller krogan crashing to the ground with a grunt.

"Because I do!" Wrex roared. Wreav got to his feet, and Wrex glared at him. "And so will you, Wreav."

Wreav snarled at him, and several krogan pulled out their weapons. Shepard leveled her assault rifle at Wreav, and blocked Mordin.

"Enough!" Eve snapped, her voice ringing through the Hollows. The krogan looked up, to where she stood at the top of the stairs. They lowered their weapons as she glared down at them, and a hush fell over the assembly.

She began to make her way down the stairs, her voice ringing with authority as she spoke. "You can stay here and let old wounds fester as krogan have always done…or you can fight the enemy you were born to destroy- and choose a new future for our children." She was at the bottom of the stairs now, and every eye was on her as she moved to stand on a raised dais.

"I chose to fight. Who will join me?"

"I will." Shepard called, and moved towards her.

"And so will I!" Wrex bellowed. "Now hold your heads high like true krogan!" He flung his arm out and pointed to the door, and the convoy waiting outside. "There's a Reaper that needs killing!"

The room erupted in cheers and roars as they krogan headed for the door. Shepard met Eve's gaze and smiled. They all moved into the armoured trucks, and headed towards the shroud.

The krogan had joined the war.

After several minutes in the jostling truck, the leader of the turian fighter ships radioed, telling them they were locked on target, and ten minutes out.

Shepard acknowledged, and turned to listen to Wrex and Eve's conversation.

"Wreav isn't the only krogan who wants revenge for the Genophage, Wrex. You'll have to placate them somehow."

Wrex grinned at the female. "I'll demand the Council return some of our old territory. We'll need room to expand- recapture the glory of the ancients."

Mordin sat up and looked at him, aghast. "'Glory of ancients' let to countless krogan rebellions. Countless deaths. Creation of Genophage. Expansion plan…problematic."

Shepard chose to ignore him. "What were the ancient krogan like?" She asked Eve.

"Tuchanka wasn't always a wasteland. In the old times the krogan were a proud people. We had dreams…and a future to look forward to."

"Until salarian interference." Mordin said sadly.

Eve levelled a look at him. "No. We destroyed Tuchanka ourselves. Technology changed us. It made life to easy. So we looked for new challenges, and found them in each other. Nuclear war was inevitable."

Wrex leaned forward, elbows on his knees. "And now our planet is rubble. We need a better place to live."

Shepard smiled at him. "I'd say helping to defeat the Reapers would be worth a new planet."

"Or ten. You haven't seen how fast we can pop them out!" Wrex roared with laughter and Eve glared at him.

"Wrex!"

"What? With the Genophage cured, we'll have a lot of catching up to do." The big krogan rubbed his palms together in glee.

Shepard's gut boiled once more at the thought of the Dalatrass' betrayal. Eve noticed the change.

"Commander…on the shuttle, was there something you were going to say?" The female prompted gently.

Shepard scrubbed a hand across her neck, and turned to look at Mordin apologetically. "The Dalatrass tried to cut a secret deal with me."

Wrex's face was instantly suspicious. "What kind of deal?" He hissed.

"She said they sabotaged the Shroud years ago. The cure won't work unless we fix it."

She played them the recording of what the Dalatrass had said. Working for Cerberus had taught Shepard one thing. Record _everything_.

The look on Wrex's face was terrifying. "And she thought we wouldn't know better?"

"Correctly. Would likely have fooled tests. But familiar with STG work. Can adjust. Did not come this far for nothing." Mordin shrugged.

Eve was pale, as much as a krogan could be. Her eyes locked onto Shepard's. "You just spared our race another Genophage, Commander."

Eve's voice was thick with emotion, and Wrex reached out and patted her on the arm. "I told you we could count on her." He turned, and looked at her in confusion. "Wait, Shepard…you said she wanted to cut you a deal? What did you have to turn down?"

Shepard gritted her teeth. "The salarians have pulled their support for the war. We won't have their fleet…or their scientists to work on the Crucible."

The enormity of the decision she had had to make dawned in Wrex's eyes. By continuing with the plan to cure the Genophage, Shepard had made the call to lose the support of hundreds of ships…thousands of soldiers.

"Shepard…" Mordin said softly, but was cut off as the vehicle slowed abruptly.

"Why are we stopping?" Wrex growled at the driver, shoving to his feet.

Shepard got out of the truck. The whole convoy had stopped, and Shepard could see the Shroud in the distance.

"Wrex, you and Mordin stay with Eve, it is looking ugly out here." The road was ruined…it would be incredibly difficult for the convoy to continue forward. Shepard moved towards the lead scout.

Wrex was cursing, trying to figure out a way for the trucks to make it through. He looked up at her and shook her head.

Fuck. "Turian wing Artimec. This is Shepard. We've been delayed. Hold off your attack." She radioed. If the turians struck now, they would be cut down. She looked over at the massive Reaper pacing by the Shroud. They needed to get moving.

It was dangerous to stay out in the open like this.

Her comm crackled, and Artimec radioed back. "Negative, Commander. Our approach is locked. The Reaper already knows we are here!"

The ground shuddered, and dust rained down on them as the fighter ships rushed overhead, on path to the Reaper. Garrus moved up next to her and swore.

"An airstrike alone won't do it! We have to get in on that fight."

The fighters engaged, and Shepard swore. She turned back to the scout.

"I don't care if we have to build a new fucking road! We are going!" She barked.

There was a boom, and Shepard turned back to the Reaper. It had fired, and clipped the wings of one of the fighters.

It was spinning, and veered straight towards them. "I've lost control! I can't pull up!" The panicked pilot screamed in her ear.

"Oh, shit!" She heard Vega yell, and then she was blasted off her feet as the ship crashed into a truck. They both exploded, and Shepard scrambled backwards, away from the flaming wreckage.

"Shepard! What's happening out there!" Wrex's worried voice came through the comm.

"Wrex! Get the female out of here! Now!" Shepard screamed in the comm. The truck roared, and using the wreckage from the fighter and ruined truck, they crossed the ruined road, the rest of the convoy falling in behind them.

She got shakily to her feet, and looked around. James and Garrus were up, but the krogan soldiers that had not been in the trucks were all dead. The explosion had ruined two more vehicles, and their smoldering husks told her that no one was left alive inside them, either.

She rubbed the grit from her watering eyes and radioed the fighter ships. "Artimec, do you copy?"

"We have to abort, Commander. That Reaper is tearing us to pieces!"

"Understood. Save your pilots…we'll find another way." Shepard didn't want the turians to leave, but knew they would be annihilated without the ground support. She had to hope Wrex and the rest of the convoy made it through alright.

"Shepard! There's a tunnel over here. May be a way off this road!" Garrus called, and she and James jogged over to him.

They moved into the tunnel, and dropped down into a larger room. There were hallways leading out, but the only one that wasn't collapsed led down…into the pitch black.

Shepard flicked on her flashlight and attached it to the barrel of her assault rifle. Garrus and James followed suit.

"Wrex. Are you reading me? Is everyone okay up there?"

Her comm crackled, then the gruff voice of the battlemaster came through. "Yeah, just scratches. Nothing the salarian can't patch up. Wreav's truck made it out too."

There was a rumble deep below them, and the ground shuddered underneath their feet. She and James shared a nervous glance.

"The turians had to call off the airstrike. We'll need a new plan to deal with the Reaper."

Shepard and James were still looking warily around the rumbling chamber.

"First we will have to find you. Where did you end up?"

Shepard and her team were still moving forward, cautiously. "Underground. We are in ruins of some kind."

She heard Wrex suck in a shocked breath, and it was Eve who spoke next. "Commander…that's the City of the Ancients."

"Okay…how do we get out?"

"No map exists. It's been abandoned for thousands of years."

 _Just fucking fantastic._ James took point, and they moved down a tunnel, even deeper underground.

"You're a trailblazer, Shepard. Get through there and we will find a place to meet up." Wrex barked.

Another massive shudder rippled the ground under their feet. "Nothing will stop this cure!" Wrex muttered.

There was a complete absence of light now. Anywhere that wasn't directly in contact with the light from the flashlight, was completely black. Shepard didn't know if she had ever been somewhere so dark. They continued to move forward, the only sound the shuffling of their feet, and their harsh breathing.

As the descended another staircase, another shudder ripped through the ground, this time accompanied by a distant roar.

"That didn't feel like a tremor to me…" Garrus muttered, and they all edged closer together.

"Wrex. Are you guys feeling these tremors?" Shepard asked.

"Not up here." Wrex said back, but then he was cut off by Eve.

"It could be something else, Commander." "Shepard did not like the tone of her voice. "It is said that Kalros, the mother of all thresher maws, lives in this region."

"Uhh, Shepard?" Garrus called nervously as Wrex came back over the comm.

"Which is another reason to get your ass out of there, Shepard! Step on it."

She moved over to Garrus, who was shining his light on a wall. There was a crude painting of a massive thresher maw on it, rising up out of the ground like some kind of behemoth god.

"Soo…do I really want to know who 'Kalros, the mother of all thresher maws' is?" James asked nervously, looking at the painting.

Garrus snorted. "When the krogan actually _name_ a thresher maw, you know you're in trouble… It means they don't think anyone is every going to be able to kill it."

"Comforting. Thanks, Garrus." Shepard snarked, and dropped off a broken staircase into a large chamber.

They moved along, once more silent. They rounded a corner at the end of a long hall, and Shepard stopped short, looking at the body in front of her in horror.

"What the fuck is that!" James cried as she cursed.

"Wrex. We've got rachni down here. Keep an eye out."

Garrus clutched his rifle closer, as James said "Rachni! Seriously?"

"I know. A few of them just attacked us." Wrex barked into the comm. "All that matters is getting to that Shroud. Find us. Fast."

The rachni lay at the bottom of a huge staircase, and there was light cutting through the darkness at the top. Shepard headed for it.

They emerged into an beautiful chamber. The walls were carved with enormous columns. It kind of reminded Shepard of the mines of Moria, a place in one of her favorite book series.

"Makes you wonder what the krogan could have done if they hadn't nuked the place," James muttered behind her, while Garrus kept shooting nervous looks at the blackness behind them.

They moved up once last staircase and they were out in the air. It was a massive area…almost like a temple. And there were plants, and water running in the cracks of the ruins.

"The green… I didn't think plants grew here anymore." Garrus said in awe as he looked around.

"You are looking at hope – All that left of it on Tuchanka." Eve murmured, and Shepard realised Mordin must have hacked into their suit feeds. "This was once a world full of beauty. Given a chance, it can me again."

"Let's get back to the trucks." Shepard called, and they began to pick their way through the massive chamber.

They were only about halfway through, when a ball of flames dropped from the sky, and Reaper's began to pour into the compound.

They dove for cover. There were at least thirty of them. Husks, cannibals, marauders…and husked rachni. The rachni shot devastating lasers, and it was a struggle to keep themselves out of the line of fire.

The battle was intense, and was not made easier by the occasional shudder's that ripped through the ground, almost knocking them off their feet.

They were getting stronger now. Shepard shot a cannibal, and called to Wrex. "Wrex, you're right about Kalros. She is on the move."

"Yeah, we've got some ideas about that… What?!" Wrex cut himself off in shock.

"Not now, Wrex! The Commander has enough to worry about." Eve said. She must have whacked him.

The last of the husks went down, and the trio headed towards what looked like the exit leading out to the trucks. "What's happening?" Shepard asked Wrex.

"Err, some crazy idea we can talk about later. Just worry about getting out of there." Wrex growled at her.

More husks and cannibals poured into the room from the exit Shepard wanted to get to. They hunkered down and started taking them out.

"Shepard. Looks like we've got a bridge up ahead. Try find it and we will pick you up!"

"Copy that!" Shepard snarled, ducking as a shot rang off her shields. When the last cannibal fell to the ground, she was on her feet, jogging towards the exit. Wrex was right, there was a bridge. There were massive statues of krogan warriors on it, but it had collapsed in some places, and didn't look entirely sound.

As she James and Garrus moved onto the bridge, the truck roared into sight below them.

"Shepard, we're coming under the bridge! Get down here and we can get to the Shroud…"

He cut off as something massive emerged behind the trucks. The ground gave a massive shudder, and James crashed to the ground.

"Wait, Kalros!" Wrex bellowed as the gigantic thresher maw began to pursue the trucks. Its enormous back raced through the sand, and crashed through the center of the bridge.

"Wrex!" Shepard yelled.

"Break off! We've got to get the hell out of here!" The battlemaster roared, and she could hear Mordin jabbering excitedly in the background.

"Kalros' territorial instinct confirmed!" the salarian yelled happily.

The lead truck gave a roar, and began to pull away. "She's not going to get us!" Wrex bellowed.

The shuddering of the ground subsided, and Shepard helped James to his feet. Garrus jogged ahead to look at the damage to the bridge. There was a pretty large hole separating the bridge now, but with a running start, they could jump it.

James went first and landed with a grunt. They could hear the roar of the trucks in the distance. Once they were all on the other side, they moved carefully forward. They were once more in something that looked almost like a temple.

They skirted the edges, and Shepard could hear Mordin and Wrex chattering through the comms. Wrex was focusing on trying to keep them alive, while Mordin was cheerfully throwing out tidbits like "Metal in truck excellent iron supplement for Maw's diet!"

James watched the trucks desperately trying to stay ahead of the massive Kalros. "Now I am kind of glad we are not in the truck." He muttered.

They moved forward, taking out a few more waves of Reaper troops. After about fifteen minutes of this, Mordin came through the comms.

"Wrex busy driving truck. Shepard, are you still alive?"

"Doing what we can, Mordin." She ground out, out of breath, filthy and sweating. "What about you?"

"Alarmed yet entertained. Kalros is quite persistent."

Garrus started laughing hysterically.

"Wreav, stick close!" Wrex barked through the comm.

"Drive faster! I can smell the damn thing's breath!" The younger krogan snarled.

The trio ran forward, trying to find a way down to the trucks.

"Wrex! I've found the stairs down." Shepard called as she saw the massive stone steps descending onto the sand. "We've almost lost Kalros. Heading your way now."

The roar of the trucks grew louder, then tow came skidding around a corner. The one in the lead skidded to a halt right where Shepard waited, while the other, the one Wreav was driving stopped farther back to act as a lookout.

"Move it!" She screamed at Garrus and James and they threw themselves into the truck just as the ground began to shudder once more.

"It's Kalros…" The rest was drowned out by a shriek as the Maw hit Wreav's truck and began to pull it into the sand. She threw herself inside, and Wrex stomped on the gas, speeding them away while it was distracted.

Wrex brought them as close to the shroud as possible, without the Reaper being able to see them. They all began to pile out of the truck.

The krogan ground support had been obliterated by the maw, and the Turian fighters had pulled out. They all stood looking up at the Reaper in horror.

"I hope somebody had a plan B…" James muttered. Garrus gave a look, then tore his eyes back to the massive machine looming over them.

"I know we've beaten the odds before…But getting to that tower… I don't know, Shepard."

Wrex stormed out in front of them, and glared at the Reaper as through by the sheer strength of his glare he could cause it to die.

"We're curing the Genophage no matter what it takes. Everything my people will ever be depends on it."

Shepard crossed her arms over her chest, and cocked an eyebrow at Wrex, Mordin and Eve.

"Then I hope this idea you were talking about is a good one."

Wrex stuck his thumb out at Eve. "It was hers, actually."

Eve nodded, and latched eyes with Shepard. "Kalros. We summon her to the Reaper."

"Say what now?" James sputtered behind her, and Garrus jut stood with his jaw hanging open in shock.

"Wait. Would that even work?" Shepard questioned.

Mordin nodded. "Already discussed strategy. Just needed to distract Reaper. Draw it from tower while cure synthesised, released."

"What makes you so sure she'll come?" Shepard asked Eve.

"Legends say she is the mother from which all thresher maws spawn. This is as much her home as ours."

"If Tuchanka has a temper…Kalros is it. Nobody's ever faced her and survived." Wrex said and shrugged.

Garrus shot Shepard a look that clearly said 'I told you so.'

Shepard scrubbed a hand down her face, then looked at Garrus and James. "We've done crazier things… We flew through the Omega four relay and survived. We can do this."

Wrex grinned. "That's the spirit, Shepard!"

James groaned.

"How do we summon her?" Shepard asked.

"The shroud tower was built in an arena devoted to Kalros' glory. The Salarians thought she would scare away intruders."

Mordin shrugged. "Appears to have worked."

Shepard rolled her eyes at him as Eve continued. "There are two maw hammers there, the largest in existence. If you can activate them, Kalros will come. That should distract the Reaper."

Mordin stepped up next to Eve. "Meanwhile, laboratory nearby. Will take Eve and finish synthesising cure."

Shepard took a moment and made eye contact with each one of them. They all gave her a tiny nod. They knew the risks.

"Okay. Let's make sure we all get out of here alive. We're going to have one hell of a story to tell." She shouldered her assault rifle.

"Wait!" Wrex bellowed, and drew himself up to his full height as he stared down at her. "I want you to know that no matter what happens…You've been a champion to the krogan people, a friend to Clan Urdnot…and a sister to me. To every krogan born after this day, the name 'Shepard', will mean 'Hero'."

He pulled her into a hug, as much as their armour will allow. She swallowed down the thickness in her throat. She and Wrex had been through too much together to see it end now, when they were so close to making history.

He released her, and she was surprised to see a similar emotion on his scarred face. "Now, let's show them why!" He bellowed, and charged off to cover behind them, as several rachni approached in the distance.

Mordin and Eve headed for the laboratory, and Shepard, James and Garrus turned to the Reaper.

The maw hammers were directly in its path. Unfortunately, so were about fifteen enemies. They took them out, and once more began the run towards the Reaper. They came up to a bridge, and Shepard started across.

She was near to the center when James bellowed. "Holy shit! Off to your left!"

Shepard barely had time to look, before she realised that she had lit up red as the Reaper's beam targeted her. She tried to dive out of the way, but the beam hit the center of the bridge, and then she was falling.

Shepard landed with a bone jarring thud, and instinctively covered her head from the falling debris. She was buried under several rather large chunks of rock, and she struggled to move them.

The largest piece was torn free, and then she was looking at the bleeding face of Garrus Vakarian, and he threw the massive rocks off of her like they were pillows.

"Shepard, are you alright?" He pulled her free, and began to check her over. She was pretty sure her arm was fractured, and she had a gash above her eyebrow, but otherwise, she seemed ok.

"Yeah, I'm good. Where's James?"

"Here, Commander." He called, and she turned to see him making his way down from the bridge.

They hastily applied medi-gel, then started towards the staircase leading up to the arena with the maw hammers.

"Okay, Shepard. You have to use both hammers for this to work. My advice is to avoid the giant laser." Wrex barked through the comms.

She peeked over the top of the stairs, and her heart lurched at the sight of the massive Reaper looming so close. She began taking deep breaths in and out through her nose. Garrus looked at her nervously.

"Uhh, Shepard…"

"It can't shoot what it can't aim at. You two stick to cover and cover me in case any of its little buddies show up. If I go down, get to the hammers."

"You've got to be kidding me, Lola!" James was shaking his head at her.

Without replying, she launched herself forward. The laser instantly shot at her, and she dove forward into a roll, coming out of it still sprinting. It shot again at something behind her. "Stick to cover!" She roared.

It fired at her again, and she rolled out of the way. She sprinted forward, then skidded into cover behind a massive stone fountain. The Reaper focused on her, and she knew she would have to move her ass. She had no way of knowing if the stone would hold up to a direct fucking laser beam.

She prepared herself to dive out of the way, when the Reaper's focus snapped to something above her. Rapid shots began peppering the massive machine, and her comm crackled in her ear.

"Commander, this is Artimec wing! We'll try to give that Reaper something else to shoot at!" A pilot crowed in her ear.

Garrus roared in triumph. "I knew they wouldn't give up!"

"Now that's some goddamn balls!" James shouted, cheering at one particularly bold fighter that flew straight under the Reaper and peppered its underside.

Shepard took full advantage of the distraction and dropped into the arena. She began to run forward when a ball of flames dropped in front of her.

Four brutes emerged, and she swore and dove out of their path. One of those fuckers was hard to take with three people…but four?

She didn't have a choice; the priority was the hammers. She gritted her teeth, and sprinted directly through the brutes. Two roared, and began to lumber after her. She was pulling away from them when a massive leg stabbed into the ground in front of her, sending her flying. The Reaper had moved, and Shepard had almost been skewered.

It was all the opportunity the brutes needed. With a roar, one reached down and grabbed her. She struggled to free herself, but its grip was like iron around her shoulder. He managed to punch her omni-tool, and a large glowing blade erupted from her fist. She rammed it into the arm holding her, and the brute dropped her with a howl. Once again, by darting through them, instead of engaging, she made it to a hammer. She activated it, and it fell with a jarring clang.

There was dust everywhere, and she had no idea where James, Garrus, or the remaining brutes were. She activated her comm. "Mordin, I've activated the first hammer. How's it coming?"

"Almost have cure! Eve's vital signs are dropping. Trying to compensate!" For the first time, Mordin sounded a little panicked. Shepard swore, and hefted her rifle, ignoring the screech of pain from her now definitely broke arm.

She sucked in a deep breath, and threw herself into a sprint once more. She had to make it across the arena, and get to the other hammer.

She burst free of the dust, into chaos. Garrus was pinned down behind some rubble, and James was down on the ground, scrambling for his gun while a brute bore down on him at a run. She flew, her feet barely hitting the ground and launched herself into the monster charging at James. It staggered but didn't fall, and the marine had enough time to grab his shotgun. As it whirled on Shepard, who was struggling to catch her breath after crashing into a thousand pounds of armoured, mutated krogan, James unloaded clip after slip into its exposed back.

It fell to the ground, thrashing as it died.

'Help…Garrus…" Shepard ground out, and pulled herself off the ground. She definitely had some broken ribs now, to add to her arm. She spat a mouthful of blood onto the ground, and once more pushed herself towards the hammer.

She was so focused on the hammer; she didn't see the shadow of the Reaper until it was almost too late. The leg smashed down, inches from her, and she was sent spinning into the rubble.

"Shepard! Get to that second hammer!" Wrex howled into her comm.

"There's a fucking _Reaper_ in my way Wrex!" She snarled at him, forcing herself off the ground.

"I know. You get all the fun!" The krogan jeered at her.

She skirted the leg, and made it to the hammer, coughing. She ignored the splatter of blood that hit the stone.

Garrus and James had finally taken care of the other brutes, and ran up to her as she activated the hammer. It fell with a thud, and a loud clang echoed through the compound. The ground shuddered beneath their feet.

"Go! Get to the truck, I'm going to get to Mordin and the cure." She ordered James and Garrus. If they didn't get to the truck, they would have no way to get the fuck out of here when Kalros showed up. Garrus hesitated, but moved when she ordered "Go!" Once more.

They took off at a sprint, back the way they had come in.

Shepard started to run towards a set of stairs, that would skirt around to the laboratory, but skidded to a halt. In the distance, Kalros launched into the air with a bellow of Rage.

The Reaper roared its menacing 'boom' and stepped over Shepard to face the direction Kalros was coming in from.

The maw was moving fast, faster than Shepard would have thought possible. Shepard ran, trying to get as far away from the Reaper as possible.

She didn't make it far when Kalros launched herself from the ground and clamped onto the Reaper. It had just fired, and although the beam missed Kalros, it almost hit Shepard as she scrambled into cover.

The Reaper tried to fling Kalros off, and the massive maw's body crashed into the ground ahead of Shepard, taking out the bridge to the lab.

Kalros instantly attacked once more, and Shepard leapt down into the rubble where the bridge had been, sprinting towards the Shroud building.

The Reaper slammed Kalros into a massive concrete pillar, and the maw screamed in pain. Releasing her hold, she sank back into the sand.

Shepard's heart dropped. Without the Maw distracting the Reaper, it could blow the tower before they were able to get the cure out.

The Reaper turned, and had just began to move towards the tower, when Kalros broke free of the sand once more. She flung herself through the air to latch onto the highest part of the Reaper. Unbalanced, it began to fall forward, the momentum of the giant maw bringing it to the ground. The Reaper fired desperately, but there was no shaking the mother of all thresher maw's now. Kalros began to coil herself around the massive machine, dragging it into the ground. Shepard was awed.

Kalros had just killed a Harbinger class Reaper. _By fucking eating it._

Shepard turned away from the awesome spectacle, and hurried into the Shroud. There were fires burning, and rubble falling from the ceiling. Mordin hurried into the room as an explosion blew out some windows higher in the tower.

 _This is not good._

"Mordin, is the cure ready?" She ran up to him as he frantically typed commands into a console.

"Yes. Loaded for dispersal in two minutes. Procedure traumatic for Eve, but not lethal. Maelon's research invaluable."

"She's okay?"

"Headed to safety with Wrex now. Her survival fortunate. Will stabilize new government should Wrex get any ideas. Good match. Promising for future krogan."

Shepard shuddered at the thought of someone like Wreav being in charge.

Another explosion rocked the building and a massive chunk of concrete fell from the ceiling, crushing the other console in the room.

She covered Mordin as best as she could. "Damn!"

Mordin peeked up at her from under her arm. "Control room at top of tower. Must take elevator up."

Shepard looked at the immense distance to the top of the tower, still being plagued by explosions. She looked at Mordin in disbelief.

"You're going up there?"

He shrugged out from under her arm, and began typing commands into his omni-tool. "Yes. Manual access required. Have to counter act STG sabotage. Ensure cure dispersed properly."

Shepard shook her head at him. "Mordin, this whole thing is coming apart. There's got to be another way!"

He looked up at the massive tower. "Remote bypass impossible. STG countermeasures in place. No time to adjust cure for temperature variance."

He paused, and hung his head for a moment, his shoulder's sagging.

After a long pause, he raised his head, straightened his shoulders and turned to look at her. "No. No other option. Not coming back." Shepard's throat closed tight. "Suggest you get clear. Explosions likely to be…problematic." Mordin finished, looking at her gently.

Shepard's throat worked, and rage boiled up in her chest. This couldn't be the way. They couldn't have gone through all of this, just for Mordin to die…to never get to see what he had done.

He tore his gaze from hers, and turned towards the elevator. "Mordin, no!" She shouted. He stepped onto the elevator, then paused and turned to face her.

Mordin's face was calm as he looked at Shepard, and tears burned behind her eyes. "Shepard, please. Need to do this. My project. My work. My cure… My responsibility." He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, a smile breaking over his face. He opened them, and gazed at her. "Would have liked to run tests on the seashells."

"Mordin…It's my job to get you out. Let me go." Her voice was hoarse, and a tear spilled down her cheek.

He shook his head at her. "No Shepard. Had to be me."

"I'm sorry." She whispered, and he smiled at her once more.

"I'm not. Someone else might've gotten it wrong."

He hit the button, and the elevator began to rise. Shepard stood, and watched it go until she couldn't see it any longer. She moved outside, feeling like she was watching someone else use her body. She walked back into the rubble left behind by Kalros, and a bright light flashed through the sky. She looked up to see what looked like white flakes pouring out of the top of the Shroud. It began to fall gently, like fluff around her.

Mordin had done it. Cured the Genophage.

She was still looking at the sky in wonder when the top of the shroud exploded. Shepard sank to her knees, finally letting the tears fall. She kept her eyes on the burning tower as a truck rumbled to a stop behind her.

She heard the heavy footsteps of Wrex approaching, followed by the softer ones of Eve. They all stood in silence, and Shepard could feel Eve's sad eyes on her back. Shepard pushed herself to her feet, and without a word got back into the truck.

Wrex got behind the wheel, and drove them back to where Shepard, James and Garrus had seen the statues of the krogan. Eve patted Shepard gently, and they all moved into the compound; James and Garrus were already inside, along with a number of krogan.

Wrex began to speak, and the crowd quieted. Garrus looked behind them, searching. His face fell and he keened softly when he realised Mordin wasn't getting out of the truck.

"A long time ago, my father betrayed me in this place. His own son. He tried to kill me. So I had to kill him …right there." Wrex pointed to a spot in the room, several meters away. "That's what the Genophage reduced us to. Animals. But you changed that today, Shepard. You and Mordin."

Eve moved next to Shepard, and grasped her hand. "Now we'll fight for our children, not against them. It's just a pity Mordin…Mordin had to die before he could see it."

Shepard nodded, her throat aching with emotion. "He was a good friend…and he wouldn't have had it any other way. And I'm sure, wherever he is… He is putting in a good word for us."

Wrex sniffled, and Shepard turned to look at him in shock. He instantly bristled, pretending like he hadn't done it. "We will name one of the kids after him… maybe a girl." He shrugged and chuckled.

Eve shushed him. "But you, Commander. We can thank you in person."

Wrex straightened his shoulders. "Tell the turians I'll be deploying troops to Palaven immediately." He stepped forward and clamped a massive hand on her shoulder. "And when you are ready to kick the Reapers off Earth, you let me know. The krogan are back in business."

Shepard nodded. Eve stepped forward and gave her a gentle hug. "Goodbye, Commander."

"What will you do now?" Shepard asked her.

"Spread the hope you have given us. Even now clans are gathering in the Kelphic Valley. I'll go speak to them, and make sure this gift isn't squandered. Thank you for all you have done." Eve stepped back, and gave Shepard a low bow, while Wrex and Garrus looked on in shock. "And know that Urdnot Bakara calls you a friend."

Knowing what it meant for the female Shaman to give Shepard her true name made Shepard's throat grow tight once more. She returned the bow, and with a nod at Wrex headed towards the shuttle James had radioed for.

The ride back to the Normandy was silent, with Shepard reflecting on the times she and Mordin had shared. As they docked with the Normandy and she prepared to go brief Hackett, Shepard couldn't help but smile as a song popped into her mind.

As she moved to the comm room, she hummed a little to herself, and thought of Mordin Solus.

Doctor. Scientist. Curer of the Genophage.

And performer of Gilbert and Sullivan.


	45. Chapter 45

**Authors Note: Alright my faithful readers, I know I don't usually do this, but as I am starved for reviews, and I really feel this chapter turned out awesome, I would love to get some feedback about what you think. This perspective isn't taken too often, and I am pretty proud with how it turned out.**

 **If you don't want to review, you can always PM me, and let me know what you thought that way.**

 **I don't want to be that person always asking, so you wont hear ask me again, hopefully for a long time,but reviews really do keep you going as a writer and reaffirms that what you are doing is something someone out there is enjoying.**

 **Thank you to Impslave for Beta reading for me, you rock.**

 **Enjoy**

 **Chapter Forty-Five**

Kaidan adjusted the fit of his new armour. There had been a pretty big ceremony inducting him into the Spectres, and the armour was a gift from the Council. He moved through a series of manoeuvers, and was pleased by the full range of motion. He was sorry Shepard had missed the ceremony, but there was a war on, and she had already told him how proud she was.

His omni-tool pinged and he looked at it with a sigh. Since his induction, Udina had created all sorts of things for him to do. He had a final check-up at Huerta today, so the doctor could finally sign off on his being able to go back on active duty. He was itching to get back into the fight.

Hackett had offered him a place on the Fifth Fleet, and after what happened to Arcturus, he was tempted. But he had already decided to go back to the Normandy, if Shepard would have him.

Thinking of Shepard made his heart clench. Joker had told him about everything that had happened on Tuchanka. She was taking the loss of her friend, Mordin, hard. Remembering how she was after Ash died… he wished he was there for her to lean on. Between Lieutenant Victus, Arcturus, and Mordin…Shepard had to be having a hard time.

His omni-tool pinged again, and he flicked open the message from Udina. He was to report to him, and the other Council members, directly after visiting the hospital. He shoved a hand through his hair and headed for rapid transit. He may as well get it over with. He decided to leave his armour on, he could give it a true test if he wore it all day, see if there were any trouble spots that rubbed after a few hours.

Walking into Huerta still felt strange. After almost a month of being laid up, and having intensive therapy, he couldn't be in the hospital without remembering the immense pain he felt when he had first woken up. He told the secretary at the desk what he was there for, and she paged Dr. Michel. Before too long, the small French woman was bustling towards him, a smile beaming on her face.

"Major! Or should I say, Spectre now, hmm?" She congratulated him.

"Kaidan is fine, Doctor. Things been busy here?" He looked around the hospital. There were definitely more people here, of all species, than when he was a resident.

"Yes…with more and more pouring in every day." The doctor shook her head sadly. "We are seeing awful things from this war… Poison, sabotage… There are so many we cannot help." She seemed to pull herself together, and straightened her shoulders. "But, now we have you to help us, no? Let me get this signed, and you can be off. Back into the thick of it, I presume?"

Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck. "Umm, yes Ma'am. I have some things to take care of on the Citadel, then I am heading back out there."

Doctor Michel nodded and made a note on her chart. "No headaches? Nosebleeds?"

Kaidan shook his head in the negative. He had had both when he first starting using his biotics again, but nothing recently.

"Good, good." She signed her name at the bottom of the data pad with a flourish. "Well then…Spectre Alenko. You are hereby fit to return to active duty. Try and keep yourself safe out there, okay."

"Will do, ma'am." Kaidan held out his omni-tool and she transferred the clearance form to him.

He turned to leave, and saw the drell, Tannor Nuara. He wandered over to say hello.

"Hey Tannor, how are things?" The drell turned to face him, and Kaidan was once again struck by the grace of his movements. He had always enjoyed Tannor's company…he had the feeling like he should know him or something.

"Major Alenko. Good to see you. You have been discharged?" Tannor rumbled, his voice rough.

"Yeah, Doc just signed the papers. Back to active duty." Kaidan grinned, and the drell just blinked at him, and tilted his head.

"Ahh. And are you hoping to go back to your old commander, Shepard?"

Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck, and blew out a breath. "Yeah… I was hoping to go back to the Normandy. Shepard is supposed to be on her way back to the Citadel now, so I guess I will find out soon."

Thane started to speak, then his expression went from shocked to terrifying in about point eight seconds. He grabbed Kaidan's shoulder and spun him around and into cover just as a spray of bullets pelted where his back had been moments before.

"This station is now under Cerberus control. Resist, and you will be shot down!" A trooper in white and yellow armour bellowed.

 _What the fuck was Cerberus doing here…and how had they gotten control of the station?_

Tannor deftly rolled into new cover, closer to the weapons locker in the hospital. Before Kaidan even realised what he was doing, the locker was open and the Cerberus trooper closest to them was dead.

Kaidan came out of his shock and fired on the other trooper, apparently, there had only been two sent to the hospital. Civilians and hospital staff were screaming and rushing towards the exits.

"Everybody stop!" Kaidan roared, and the mad scramble slowed as they turned back to him. "I am Spectre Alenko. We don't know if there are more of them headed this way. Get into the private rooms and barricade the doors-"

A spray of bullets tore into the people closest to the door, as several Cerberus troops blasted through. Screaming, the crowd tried to scatter and get to the rooms. Kaidan dove into cover, and began firing on the troopers, hoping to distract them from the civilians and hospital staff.

It worked. Three troopers focused their fire on the flimsy couch he was hiding behind. The room cleared as the civilians crammed into rooms and locked the doors. Kaidan looked for Tannor, but didn't see the drell. He did however see Dr. Michel, looking white as a ghost and clutching the other pistol from the weapons locker. She was crouched behind an overturned side table, knuckles tight on the weapon.

He shook his head at her; if she tried to fire on them, the return gun fire would tear right through her cover. Kaidan peeked his head out to see where the troops were, but ducked back down with a curse as shots pelted where his head had been.

Lifting the gun out over his head, and firing several shots blindly at where he thought the closest trooper would be, he heard a grunt, and scrambling noises that he hoped meant they were trying to find cover as well. He popped his head up once again and froze.

Tannor melted into his sight from the shadows in the corner, and engaged the closest trooper in hand to hand combat. Kaidan had never in his life seen anyone move like the drell. His hands flowed out from his body, one jabbing into the soft under armour of the trooper's neck, causing him to drop his gun and clutch at his windpipe. Before the trooper's hands even reached his neck, the drell had spun, landing a crushing blow on the trooper's knee, which crunched under the impact. Gurgling, the trooper began to fall, and the drell calmly snapped his neck, then leapt into the air, twisting gracefully to land behind the other trooper.

Kaidan fired a few rounds into the chest of the third one, who was just getting out of his cover to get a shot at the drell.

When Kaidan looked back, the second trooper was down, the front of his helmet a ruin of glass and blood where Tannor had smashed the glass with his hand, then fired his pistol point blank into the troopers face.

Kaidan looked at Tannor in shock. _What the fuck had just happened?_

The drell gave him a small bow. "My apologies, Major. My name is not Tannor Nuara. I am Thane Krios… I served with Commander Shepard on the Normandy. We went through the-"

"…Omega four relay together. Jesus…I knew you seemed familiar. You're the assassin." Kaidan shook his head at not recognizing the drell from the suit feeds.

The drell inclined his head.

Kaidan went to check the civilians Cerberus had gunned down, but there were no survivors. Dr. Michele was shaking, but she remained calm. She said she would go and check the other people for injuries. He gritted his teeth at the senseless loss of life.

Krios came up beside him. "If you are correct about the Commander returning to the Citadel, she will need to be made aware of the situation. If you will permit me to use your Spectre codes to open an emergency channel, I will attempt to get to C-Sec and contact her."

Kaidan nodded and transferred his codes to the drell. "I need to get to the Council. Whatever Cerberus is up to… they won't want the Council interfering."

Krios nodded and began grabbing spare heat sinks off the dead troopers. He turned back to Kaidan just before he stepped through the doors. "Keep yourself safe, Major. Shepard will need your help."

"You too, Krios."

Kaidan blinked, and the drell was gone. He hefted his heavy pistol, and began to head towards the Presidium. He did not want to get into a gunfight with no backup, so he stuck to cover as best as he could. It took him almost twenty minutes, and he had to take out four lone troopers along the way, but he made it to the Council Chambers.

The door was barred, and he opened a link to Udina. "Udina, it's Alenko. I am outside the door, here to escort you and the other Council members to safety. Let me in."

"Major! Thank god, Cerberus troops are everywhere!"

The door turned green, and Kaidan stepped through, locking it once more behind him.

Tevos, Udina and Sparatus were huddled behind a desk. Udina had a small pistol, and the others were unarmed.

"Where is Councillor Valern?' Kaidan asked, and Tevos shook her head.

"He didn't come to the meeting; we don't know where he is now."

Kaidan thought about it. It was too risky to leave them here and try to find the salarian councillor. Valern would have to rely on his own guards to get him to the emergency shuttle safely.

The emergency shuttle was at least twenty minutes away, and that was taking a direct route. Kaidan had three people who were essentially civilians, with the exception of Sparatus. The older turian had experience in the turian army, but from years before.

And they only had two pistols.

"Okay. Here is what we know so far." Kaidan began to pace. "Cerberus is here, and they have taken control of most of the Citadel. Comms are down, so we can assume that means they have taken C-Sec, and most likely the docks." Tevos looked grave, Sparatus grim. Udina was almost jumping up and down with nerves.

"We are relying on you, Major. What do you need us to do?" Tevos asked softly.

Kaidan checked his pistol. He had four extra clips. Udina had none. They would not stand up against even a small group of Cerberus troops. They would have to use stealth, as much as possible.

"Alright. We are going to use the back alleys and maintenance corridors as much as possible. I am going to lead, then Sparatus, Tevos, and Udina in the back. You will follow my signals, and we will be as quiet as possible."

He took a few moments to show them what the basic hand signals for 'wait,' 'get to cover,' and 'run' meant.

He moved to the door, and checked the corridor. It was empty. He turned back to the trio standing nervously behind him. "Do you all know how to get to the shuttle?"

They nodded.

"If we get separated, or I go down, stick to cover as much as possible and get to the shuttle. Once you are clear of the station, open an emergency channel and contact the Normandy. Shepard is en-route, and is going to be closer than anyone else. She can pick the shuttle up, and get you to safety."

Udina's expression soured at the mention of Shepard, and Kaidan shot him a look. "Problem, Councillor?"

The older diplomat shook his head. "No, Major. Let's get out of here."

Kaidan knew the risk he was taking, but ramped up the power to his amp. If they hit resistance, he would need to be able to throw a barrier over all three councillors, and still be able to fire and maneuver. He would need the extra power, no matter the strain on his freshly healed port.

He flared bright blue as the power discharged, and his body felt like it was thrumming with energy. "Let's move."

Kaidan punched the button and the door slid open. He moved into the hallway, and jogged down to the end, peeking around the corner towards the first maintenance corridor. It was clear. He waved them forward. They proceeded for about five minutes without incident, then as they neared a larger open area, he heard the chatter of troopers.

"…Leng is here somewhere, supposed to be dealing with the Council."

"That guy gives me the fucking creeps. What the hell is with him anyway?"

"Don't know. Don't care. And if you don't want to end up with his sword rammed in your back, you won't either."

Kaidan peered around the corner, seeing two troops standing with their back to him. He held up his hand for the councillors to wait, and darted behind a large planter. He had a better view of the room now, and saw to his dismay there were two more troopers on the far side of the room.

If he fired on those closest, the other two would have time to go for back up, or fire on the councillors.

He would have to disable them all at once. He had been trying something, ever since they had tweaked his implant after his injury. He was much more powerful now. But he had only played at it half-heartedly. If it didn't work, he might doom them all. Kaidan sucked in a deep breath, and brought the full power of his biotics to bear, just below the surface of his skin. The energy rippled along his flesh in streams of blue.

Kaidan stood with a roar, and launched a Reave at the troops on the far side of the room. Once it hit them, and they began to scream, he pulled his pistol and fired on the two closest to him. He lucked out and got one it the face plate. The second group was down on the ground, writhing and shrieking as the Reave drained them.

The remaining trooper closest to Kaidan got a shot off, and it knocked the wind out of him as it rang off his chest plate. Kaidan fired three shots at his chest and took him down.

Kaidan ran up to the shrieking troopers on the ground, and shot them, ending their misery.

Panting, he checked the room, and waved the councillors forward. Tevos was looking at him in awe. "Major… How did you do that? I have never seen someone other than an asari Justicar able to perform a Reave… I…I didn't think it was possible for a human…"

"Now is not the time, Tevos." Sparatus rumbled. Tevos' jaw snapped shut and she nodded, but she still looked at him like some kind of space monster she had never encountered before.

Kaidan's amp port burned, and he felt exhausted. He pulled an energy gel out of his armour and sucked it back, relishing the kick of sugar that poured through him. "Let's get moving." He called, and took them through the room, into another maintenance corridor. He didn't see the look of anger on Udina's face, as he passed the twisted corpses of the Cerberus troops they left behind.

Kaidan led them forward without incident for another ten minutes or so, and they were definitely closer to the shuttle now. In the distance, there was gunfire, and several times they had to flatten themselves into hallways as Cerberus troops ran past towards the noise.

Kaidan hoped it meant C-Sec had gotten a resistance together, and was routing Cerberus off the station.

Kaidan checked his omni-tool; there were only three hallways and a mall on a balcony before they reached the elevator that would take them to the shuttle. He moved forward silently. The first few minutes all anyone could hear was the occasion scrape of a boot, or harsh breathing. They emerged into the bright light in front of the mall, and Kaidan hesitated.

There was no noise, and it seemed clear. He moved out into the open. He walked about halfway along the balcony without incident. He turned and waved the Council forward.

Sparatus hurried towards him, Tevos and Udina on his heels. Kaidan turned back, and swore as a woman in light armour, with a big fucking sword, stepped from the shadows of a store into his path.

"All alone, Spectre? And here I wanted a challenge." She purred at him, pulling the sword free.

The Councillors froze, and Sparatus pulled the other two into cover. Kaidan kept his eyes and his gun trained on the woman in front of him.

"And what…You don't think I will be?" He growled.

She laughed, a tinkling sound like a bell, that skittered across his nerves, making him shudder. "Oh, sweet thing… if I even sweat before you're a corpse cooling in the sun, I'll eat my sword." She cooed at him.

Without hesitation Kaidan fired at her, and she moved instantly, cartwheeling away to land several feet from where she had been seconds earlier. He turned to adjust and she was on him. She backhanded him viciously across the face, and he staggered. There was a flash of silver, and he brought his arm up. The sword stroke aimed at his throat caught his gauntlet and he yelped as it cut through the metal into his arm.

He tore himself free and hit her with a cryo-blast. It slowed her down just enough that he managed to hit her in the thigh with a shot.

They circled each other, both bleeding, both wary.

"Well, well…The puppy has teeth. And here I thought you were just the Council's lapdog." She taunted.

He gritted his teeth and launched a Reave at her. She leapt into the air, twisting gracefully away, but the shockwave from the attack caught her legs. She crashed to the ground, faceplate breaking open as she hit the pavement, and he was on her in an instant. Grabbing her by the neck, he brought his pistol sweeping up towards her face.

Too slow.

She bucked her hips, unbalancing him. With her arm, she knocked the pistol away, then backhanded him across the face once more. He fell to the side, and rolled away as the sword stabbed into the ground where he had been seconds before.

He scrambled to his feet, and leapt backwards as a disembowelling blow scythed through the air at his abdomen. It screeched across his armour, leaving a deep gouge, but not cutting through to his flesh.

She screamed in fury, raising the razor sharp blade over her head, and a shot rang out. Red bloomed on her chest and she looked around in shock. Kaidan didn't hesitate. He activated his omni-blade and rammed it deep into her stomach.

Blood bubbled from her lips, spattering across his face. He pulled his blade free, and she collapsed onto the ground.

Kaidan looked around, breathing hard from the intense fight.

Sparatus stood behind a large planter, Udina's smoking pistol in his hand.

Kaidan nodded at the turian in thanks, and Sparatus returned it gravely. Udina snatched the pistol back with an offended look on his face. _Sparatus must not have asked first._

Kaidan pulled his gauntlet off and swore softly at his mangled arm. The blade had cut deep into his forearm, and glints of bone peeked through the deep slash. He pulled a pouch of medi-gel out, and Tevos hurried over to help him slather it on. She slapped a bandage on it, and he clamped the damaged gauntlet back over the wound. He checked his ammo. He was down to two extra clips, but the elevator was at the end of the next corridor.

"Okay, Councillors. Let's get moving." He took point once more, and they moved into the elevator. It was a long ride up to the emergency shuttle. Kaidan punched in his Spectre override codes, and they began to move.

After about a minute, there were muffled thuds outside the elevator, and gunshots began to ring out. There were people in the elevator shaft. Kaidan kept his pistol at the ready, and Tevos and Udina began looking around nervously as the shots got closer.

There was a loud thump on the roof of their elevator. "What's that noise?" Tevos cried.

"Gunmen. Get down!" Kaidan barked, and the councillors crouched against the walls at he opened fire on the ceiling. There was thuds and scrapes, and he knew the attacker was scrambling to get away from his shots.

The elevator lurched to a halt, and Udina punched the button, opening the door.

"Go!" Kaidan said, waving them through while he kept his gun and gaze trained on the ceiling. Once the councillors were through, he closed the door and followed them.

They ran up a short hallway, and onto the emergency landing pad. The shuttle was a flaming ruin.

Tevos was staring at it, her hands over her mouth. Kaidan's mind scrambled for what to do next. He would have to try and get them to the docks, or a civilian shuttle. Hopefully the attackers in the elevator shaft were still finding a way in. "Everyone back to the elevator! Move!" He ordered, spinning to face back towards the hall.

Kaidan froze. Liara T'soni was hacking the door to the hallway, locking it.

Shepard stood in front of the door, her pistol leveled at Udina, Garrus behind her, his sniper rifle also on the councillor. Kaidan's grip tightened on his pistol, which was pointing at Shepard's chest. He immediately lowered it to point at the ground in front of her.

"Shepard? What's going on?" He called, keeping the councillors behind him.

Udina's gaze was locked on Shepard, his face twisted with hate. "Shepard is blocking our escape. She is with Cerberus!" he snarled.

Shepard never lowered her gun, but her eyes flicked to meet Kaidan's. He took a deliberate step into her line of fire. Her hand twitched, and she lowered her gun so it was pointing at his knees instead of chest. The look she was giving Udina caused a chill to dance across his spine.

"Everyone...just calm down. I've got this." Kaidan muttered to the councillors.

Shepard's gaze roamed his face, and he could see how it was tearing her up to have him in front of her. He looked over her shoulder, directly into the cold face of Garrus Vakarian. The turian had his rifle leveled at Kaidan's chest.

Kaidan realised then that he had once again raised his gun by habit, and was pointing it at Shepard. He lowered it hastily.

"I can explain this, Kaidan." Shepard said, and her voice pleaded with him to listen.

He nodded at her. "Okay. Let me hear it…because you have to admit, drawing your gun on a councillor…it looks kinda bad." They were both studiously avoiding pointing their guns at one another, while still keeping the weapons at the ready.

Shepard's eyes met his, and it was like a physical blow to his solar plexus. They were standing off against one another like enemies, something he never, ever, wanted them to be. He dropped his gun lower, and she relaxed her arm, letting hers fall to her side. Shepard shot Garrus and Liara each a look. Liara instantly lowered her gun, but Garrus just clenched his jaw, and stayed where he was.

"We don't have time to negotiate." She looked at Tevos and Sparatus. "You've been fooled, all of you. Udina is behind this attack. Valern confirmed it."

Tevos and Sparatus looked at Udina in shock. The wheels in Kaidan's head began to turn as he digested this, and began thinking about everything that had happened while he was working with Udina on the Citadel.

The human councillor sneered, and threw up his hands in exasperation. "Please. You have no proof. _You_ never do."

Shepard's patience was beginning to wear thin, Kaidan could see it on her face. Little things that had been happening for the last few weeks began to make sense. All of Udina's private calls, his heavily encrypted messages, his continued attempt to belittle Valern.

Shepard flung her arm around to point at the door behind her. "There are Cerberus soldiers in the elevator shaft behind me. If you open that door, you'll all be dead!" She spat. When she had flung out her arm, a splatter of blood hit the wall behind her. Kaidan's eyes raked over her and saw a gunshot wound through her upper arm.

 _My god. I shot her…she was the one on top of the elevator. I fucking shot her._

He watched the blood drip slowly down the tips of her fingers in horror, bile rising in his throat.

Tevos moved up beside him. "We've mistrusted Shepard before…and it did not help us." She muttered.

Udina snarled at them and turned to the small console. "We don't have time to debate this. We're dead if we stay out here. I'm overriding the lock."

Shepard took a few steps forward, her eyes locked on Kaidan's, pleading with him to believe her.

Kaidan spun on his heel to face Udina. "Step away from the console, Udina." Kaidan ordered, raising his pistol to point at the older man.

"To hell with this!" Udina snarled, and began to punch commands into the console. Tevos darted forward to pull his hand away, and he backhanded her across the face. Udina pulled his pistol, levelling it at the asari cowering on the floor.

Kaidan did not hesitate. He pulled the trigger, and Udina grunted. The human councillor looked at the red stain spreading across his chest in shock. He fell to his knees, and looked at Kaidan, before falling forward onto his face with a gurgle.

Sparatus helped Tevos up, and Kaidan looked at the gun in his hand with a sense of detachment. He had just shot Udina, a man he had known for years. A man he had trusted, played cards with. He looked down at the councillor's body, and was shocked that he didn't feel grief, or concern.

He felt a gentle touch on his arm. "Kaidan?" Shepard said softly.

"Yeah…I'm good" He muttered, still looking at Udina.

"The door!" Sparatus yelled, and they whirled. Sparks were flying as someone used a torch to cut through the sealed panels. Shepard, Kaidan, Garrus and Liara planted themselves in front of the two remaining councillors, and leveled their guns at the door.

It opened with a snap and Shepard immediately pointed her weapon at the floor, everyone else hastily doing the same, as C-Sec came through the door. "Bailey?" Shepard said in shock.

The blond man nodded, his face grim and his clothes bloody. "Made it as fast as we could, Commander. Looks like you, uh…took care of things." He peered past them at Udina, face down in a pool of blood.

Tevos was confused. "Something is not right. You said Cerberus was targeting us…where did their soldiers go?"

Bailey grinned. "Cerberus was right here." Pointing with his thumb at the door behind him. "But they beat feet into the keeper tunnels when they heard us coming." Tevos looked at him, confused and exhausted. Sparatus looked at Shepard in resignation. Bailey shrugged at Shepard. "Sorry, Councillor, I'll say it plain. Shepard just saved the lot of you. Again."

Sparatus drew himself up and shook Shepard's hand. "Then you have saved my life twice now, Commander. I owe you both a personal debt, and on behalf of Palaven. Thank you."

Kaidan could see Shepard was uncomfortable. "You don't owe me anything, Councillor. Times like these, we all stand together."

Sparatus nodded. "Commander, do you have any idea why the Illusive Man would do this?"

Shepard's face became drawn, and Kaidan saw a flash of worry cross her face. "No. I don't." Tevos and Sparatus' face's fell. "But, I plan to find out." Shepard almost snarled this, and Kaidan saw grief on her face. Something had happened. Something bad.

Bailey took charge of the councillors, and he and his team of officers hustled off to begin securing the rest of the station. Cerberus had officially been routed.

Once they had filed away, Kaidan moved to Shepard's side. "Shepard, we need to get this taken care of-"

He was cut off as Garrus inserted himself between them with a snarl. "I think you have done quite enough, Alenko!" He snarled.

Shepard put her hand on the big turian's arm. "Garrus…he didn't know it was us. You would have done the same."

Garrus turned on her furiously. "Wrong, Shepard! He _shot_ you. If you hadn't dodged it would have taken your head off. You would be dead right now because of him!"

Kaidan felt sick. He had been checking Shepard with his eyes, and saw the scrapes that show more shots had skidded along the edges of her armour.

Shepard drew herself up and stabbed a bloody finger in the turian's chest. "That's enough, Vakarian! I can handle myself, alright! And. He. Didn't. Fucking. Know! If you can't get over whatever the fuck has crawled up your ass, I _will_ ground you. It's just a flesh wound, and he is going to deal with it for me, right?" She turned her furious green eyes to him, and Kaidan scrambled for his med kit.

Liara was looking at the three of them, her brows drawn together as through she was studying an artifact. Garrus and Shepard stood chest to chest for a few seconds longer, then Garrus deflated, and stepped back.

Shepard turned to Kaidan and cocked an eyebrow at him. He hurriedly stripped off her gauntlet and upper arm armour. The bullet had passed directly through the upper part of her shoulder, not hitting the bone. It was a clean through and through.

He cleaned it, ignoring the urge to pull her into his arms and apologize; to pull her into his arms and never let her go. He applied medi-gel and a bandage, then helped her clasp her armour back on.

Liara moved a little closer, her face filled with sorrow. "Shepard…Thane is at Huerta… It's bad. I think we should go now."

Shepard face fell, and Kaidan looked between her and Liara. "Thane's hurt? What happened?"

Shepard's jaw worked. "A Cerberus assassin tried to kill Valern. Thane stopped him, but took a sword through his chest. Leng, the assassin, escaped."

He grasped her hand, and for a moment, she squeezed it back, hard. She turned to look at him. "I want to be there with him…can you take care of the report? We can meet up later?"

He wanted to say no, to say he wanted to be there for her…to lose another person…she had to be close to breaking. But, he swallowed it down. "Of course. He's a good man. You should be there." His voice was husky.

She nodded, and took a deep breath. Releasing his hand, she and Liara headed to the elevator, leaving him and Garrus on the landing pad in awkward silence.

Kaidan steeled himself, and spoke first. "Garrus…you know I would never hurt her."

The tall turian whirled on him, disbelief stamped across his face. "You can't be serious! Spirits, Kaidan, you've called her a traitor, broken her heart, and shot her. What _haven't_ you done to her!"

The words were like knives, but Kaidan plowed ahead. "I was an idiot! And I was scared, and confused. I tried to get back, to contact her. It will never happen again. Garrus, I love her. I only want to keep her safe, to be there for her."

Garrus' hands clenched tight into fists. "Yeah well, love isn't always enough, Kaidan. She needs someone who will _be_ there, without hesitation. She puts everyone else before herself. She doesn't sleep, she barely eats. Can you put her before everything else? Before the Alliance, before Earth?"

"She _is_ everything else, Garrus!" Kaidan yelled, throat tight with emotion. "I laid in that hospital for weeks, and all I could think about was the the time I cost us, the time we could have had. _I_ did that, not her. Maybe you're right, and maybe I'm not what's best for her. But it's not my call. I will never again make a decision for her. Unless she orders me away, I am staying. You're going to have to be okay with that."

The two men stared at each other, both wanting the same thing, both in completely different places. After several long seconds, Garrus took one step forward.

"You aren't the only one who loves her, Kaidan. And if you ever cause her to be hurt again, I will bury you in a hole so deep even the bugs won't know how to find you."

Kaidan nodded. "You know…Joker said almost exactly the same thing."

Garrus turned and stalked away. Scrubbing a hand across his face, Kaidan went to write the reports. Once that was done, he could wait for Shepard, and find out once and for all, if he would be able to remain at her side.

00oo00oo00

It was three hours before Kaidan was able to get away from the reports, and the reporters. He had headed straight for the Normandy, wanting to see how Shepard was doing. She hadn't gotten back from the hospital yet, so he settled to wait in the docking tube.

He thought back over the day's events, shuddering every time he remembered the hole in her arm, and that _he_ had put it there. He hated that he hadn't seen the signs that something was up with Udina, that he hadn't even suspected the councillor was working with Cerberus. He raked a hand through his hair wearily. It had been a hell of a day.

The door opened with a whoosh, and Shepard stepped into the tube, her shoulders slumped, tear tracks down her face.

"Kaidan…" She breathed, and he just opened his arms. She stepped into them and rested her head on his shoulder.

As he cradled her in his arms, the first time he had really embraced her in over three years -he didn't count the hospital bed- something swelled in his chest. He stroked her back, remaining silent as he drank in the fact that she was here. He loved her so much, it was almost painful.

She took a deep breath, then stepped out of his arms. He hated the feeling of emptiness it left behind, but let her go.

"Thane's gone. His son, Kolyat, made it in time to say good-bye." Her voice was raw.

"Shepard…I'm sorry. I know he was a friend. He told me, earlier today, that he was with you for the Omega four relay. I can't see how I didn't put it together earlier. He was a good man. A hell of a fighter." Kaidan rambled, not know what to say, what he was allowed.

Shepard nodded. "Yeah, he was… Look Kaidan…about Udina. You know he wouldn't have come in quietly. You had to take that shot. He gave you no choice." She touched his arm, and Garrus' words rang through his mind.

' _She puts everyone else before herself… Can you put her before everything else? Before the Alliance, before Earth?'_

Even now, even hurting as she was, she was worried about how he was feeling after shooting Udina. He stepped closer to her, and grasped her hands in his. "I know, Shepard. You don't have to worry about me, okay? How are you? Really?"

"I'm fine Kaidan. There are a lot of people out there in trouble. I'll be fine." Her words rang hollow, and the dark circles under her eyes screamed at the lie.

"You're not fine, Shepard. How could you be? You've lost people, good people. You have been pushing the gas full speed ahead since Earth. I, your whole team, cares about you. You need to take a breather."

She laughed bitterly. "Take a breather, and do what? Lay on a beach somewhere while families are being murdered, and Cerberus is planning god knows what?"

He sighed at her in frustration. "I'm not suggesting you check out, Shepard, but let some of us help you out. Get some sleep, have some good meals…let me be there for you, like I was before." He hadn't meant the last to slip out. He didn't want to cling…to pressure her to let him close gain unless she was sure it was what she wanted.

Her eyes were locked on his, and her chest was heaving as she fought through the emotions battering her. He saw her swallow, and then she was in his arms once again. Launching herself into them like he was an anchor in a storm.

"Please stay. I know Hackett offered you a position…but god, Kaidan. I am so tired of being alone. There are days when I feel like I did when I woke up in that lab…like I don't know if I'm real." The words were whispered, muffled against his shirt like a confession.

His heart thundered in his chest, and he cupped her chin in his hand, tilting her face up to look at him. "There is no place in the galaxy I would rather be." He said softly, and she buried her face in his neck.

They stood there for a long moment, while she fought to get her emotions under control. Kaidan relished the feel of her in his arms, and resisted the urge to kiss her.

They broke apart, and he bent down and grabbed his duffel bag out of the corner. He had stashed it there just in case she said yes. He went to fall in behind her, so she could go in first, but she grabbed his hand and tugged him up next to her.

Linking their fingers together, she smiled at him. "No more hiding. We are both Spectres, the brass can hang their regulations."

They stepped through the door of the Normandy, and Kaidan felt like he was home, for the first time in more than three years.


	46. Chapter 46

**Authors Note: Ok. I know I haven't posted a chapter this short since the beginning of the story, but I was really unhappy with the original version of chapter 46, so I got rid of it and did this one instead. I feel that this chapter is more in style with how I have written this fic so far, and flows better.**

 **Thank you to VorchaGirl and JediZelda for the reviews!**

 **Enjoy!**

 **Chapter Forty-Six**

Shepard came out of the comm room exhausted. She had briefed Hackett, and Anderson, both of whom were suitably appalled at the balls on the Illusive Man. Attacking the Citadel in broad daylight. The man had lost his fucking mind.

She rubbed a hand across her neck and thought of the other problem weighing on her mind. Beneath the happiness that Kaidan was back, that they were together and figuring themselves out… was Garrus.

She didn't know what the hell had gotten into him today. He was the one who reached out to Kaidan last year, who told her he knew she still loved him. They had been fine after Palaven, and then today…

Her shoulders slumped slightly. She had to talk to him. If he couldn't get on board with this, with Kaidan being here…she would have to ask him to go. Her heart ached at the thought. She didn't even know what she would do without him. She and Kaidan had something special, yes, but Garrus was her wingman. Her best friend.

Stepping off the elevator, she saw him, standing in front of the memorial wall, shoulders thrown back. Now was a good a time as any.

She approached him, and just stopped beside him without a word, turning to look at the wall. It still hurt to see Mordin's name up there. And now she would have to add Thane's as well. Garrus turned to look at her, and he held a hand out in front of him.

The small rectangular plaque that read 'Thane Krios' lay in his palm. He must have known she would come straight here, that she would need to get this done…to ease her mind.

Shepard reached out and took it, placing it gently on the wall. Too many names were up there. Too many good people she had lost.

When she had taken over the Normandy from Anderson, she could still remember the conversation he had had with her regarding the plaques.

They had stood in front of the memorial wall on the SR-1, after she had awoken from her interaction with the beam on Eden Prime. That day, it had been Corporal Jenkins' name being placed there.

" _Losing a man is hard, Shepard…but not being prepared is harder. You have to be prepared, every time you go out there, to add someone's name to this wall. When I was XO under Hackett, he had me make up these plaques for everyone serving with us."_

" _Seems a little morbid, sir." Shepard had arched an eyebrow and looked at the plaque with Jenkins name._

 _Anderson had sighed. "Maybe a little… but it's also realistic. You've been through this, Shepard. You know how things can go if the situation goes FUBAR, like it did today. Doesn't make sense to be waiting and getting them made one at a time."_

Since that conversation, Shepard had gotten plaques made for everyone serving aboard the Normandy, including herself. Recently, she had been adding too many of them to the wall. Updating Kaidan's with his new rank had been like a punch in the gut. There were a lot of names she hoped to never, ever, see go up on that wall.

"It was a hell of a day, Shepard." Garrus spoke, his voice quiet, interrupting her reminiscence. "I know saying I'm sorry isn't enough after what I said, so I'd like to try explain."

Shepard turned her head and met his gaze. "Alright."

Garrus shuffled a little, then rolled his shoulders out. "Shepard, I…Spirits, it sounds foolish now, but I was scared. I saw Alenko-" Shepard's gaze got cooler, and she saw Garrus check himself. "-Kaidan, I saw him point his gun at you, and something I had been burying for a long time just kind of…took over. I was so mad because I couldn't stop seeing him as Sidonis. I kept seeing him betray you, and I was scared if he was here, you wouldn't need me anymore, and I wouldn't be there when he did. I didn't trust your judgement. It was wrong of me, and I know that. It won't happen again."

A little voice in Shepard's head sighed in relief. A small part of her had been worried it was jealousy…that this was because of the feelings he had said he had for her last year. This made so much more sense.

To Garrus, a more loyal person she had never met, total loyalty without question was ingrained. Especially after what had happened to him on Omega. It was such a huge part of what made him… well, him.

She cocked her head at him. "What changed your mind about him?"

He scratched at a mandible, and his crest turned a little blue. "Well, er…Let's just say T'soni doesn't pull any punches." He grumbled.

Shepard smiled at him, and he smiled nervously back. Of all the people on her team, Liara had changed the most since the SR-1. She had no doubt that the asari would say her mind.

Shepard's face became deadly serious. "I can't have this again, Garrus. Either you trust me, and the people on my team, or you don't. And Kaidan and I _are_ together. This won't be like the SR-1. The brass can go to hell. I've lost too many people to the darkness of this war not to grasp at the light he brings me. Don't make me chose."

"I will never ask you that Shepard. I know how it would go, and you're my best friend. There is no Vakarian without Shepard, remember?"

She reached out a hand, and he grasped it. No more needed to be said about it. She grinned at him. "So, Liara chewed you out, hmm? Man, I hope Joker recorded it."

Garrus groaned. "Spirits, no! I don't ever want to see her arch her eyebrow at me like that again. I felt like a pup, being chewed out by my mom for doing something stupid. I can still hear her in my head ' _Goddess Garrus, what were you thinking!'"_

Shepard and Garrus both laughed, his impression of Liara's high pitched voiced mimicked perfectly. She thumped him on the back, and still chuckling, headed to the CIC.

Shepard had had enough of Cerberus. It was time to go clear them out of as many of their little dens as she could find.

00oo00oo00

Leaving Kaidan to get his things settled in, and set up his Spectre terminal, Shepard had taken James and EDI out with her, and they had spent the last four hours saving a colony from Cerberus troops trying to abduct them for god knows what. Now she was on her way back to that freezing hellhole Noveria, to take care of the Cerberus cell that had moved in there.

Cerberus had control of large turrets, and was shooting anything that got close out of the sky. Noveria was a crucial defense point for the Alliance. If she could take out the defense turrets, Hackett could send in the troops and retake the control point.

Cortez dropped them off in an entirely different part of the complex than Shepard had seen last time she was on the icy planet. Unfortunately, they were mostly outside.

"Son-of-a-bitch Lola! This place makes Antarctica look like Miami!" James grumbled and crouched behind cover as EDI slid in beside him.

"Actually, my data suggests that Noveria is approximately five times colder than Antarctica is now. Before they became extinct, Polar Bears would have done very well in a climate like this one."

"Thanks tips." James growled, shivering.

Cerberus troopers began pouring out of rooms located off the landing pad they were crouching on.

"Let's see if we can't warm you up, Vega." Shepard quipped, and lobbed a grenade at a cluster of enemies on a balcony above them.

She rolled across the snow into new cover, and began picking troopers off with her assault rifle.

She, James and EDI worked well as a team and Shepard was glad she had decided to bring the A.I along. She really was making huge improvements, not to mention the 'fun facts' she brought along with her to every mission.

Shepard chuckled and darted into an open air room filled with computers. The turret controls would be in here somewhere.

There was a boom outside, and her comm was filled with curses in Spanish. James barrelled around the corner, skidding into cover with her.

"Warm yet, Princess?" She jabbed him with her elbow and he snarled at her, ducking as bullets slammed into the counter they were crouching behind.

"Shepard? I thought Princess' were female…would the correct term not be Prince?" EDI mused as she strolled into the room, firing a perfect shot at a trooper who peeked out of cover as she entered.

Shepard lobbed another grenade towards a cluster of troops rounding a corner ahead and answered. "Your absolutely right EDI. However, because James is acting like a sissy little girl, I called him Princess."

"Ahh, I understand. It was meant to be-" EDI was cut off by Vega's furious hiss. "Enough! Dios Shepard! You are insane!" The big marine howled at her.

She laughed, a deep belly laugh and popped out of cover to take out the remaining troops left after her grenade.

It only took about twenty more minutes of fighting before they had cleared out the base and taken down the turrets for Hackett. EDI had chattered away with more snow filled facts on the shuttle ride home.

Now thoroughly frozen, and desperate for tea, Shepard jumped off the shuttle in the Normandy's cargo bay and was met with a wild-eyed Kaidan.

"Shepard! Out of the way!" He leveled his gun at something behind her.

She whirled, and saw EDI about to step off the shuttle behind her. Things clicked into place instantly.

"EDI down!" The A.I dropped to the floor, while James jumped about a foot as Kaidan's shot slammed into the side of the shuttle where EDI had been a second before.

Shepard jumped in front of Kaidan, and pushed the pistol down. "Kaidan! It's ok. It's EDI!"

He looked at James, helping the robot back to her feet, then back at Shepard his confusion plain on his face. "EDI?"

"Yeah… She's our ships A.I. You met her when we were leaving Earth…she didn't have a body then, of course."

EDI took a couple steps towards them, but kept her arms loose at her sides, and did her best to look unthreatening. "This is no longer the unit that attacked you, Major. I apologise. I did not think of the reaction it would cause you to see it on the Normandy."

Shepard patted EDI's arm. "I don't think any of us thought of it, to be honest."

"So… You just…took over the empty body?" Kaidan asked, the tension starting to leave his shoulders.

Shepard cringed slightly. "Not exactly… EDI um, kinda battled it out and won…things were a little intense for a minute while she was doing it."

"I had the superior processing power, thanks to Jeff unshackling me last year." EDI boasted proudly.

James just shook his head at them. "I am heading to the lounge to get something that will warm me up. Good luck with her, man…she is crazy like a fox." He jammed a thumb in Shepards direction and left. EDI followed him out, wanting to see the footage of herself in action.

Kaidan started to blush a little. "How…How did I forget what it was like to work on a ship with you? Unshackled A.I's in robot bodies…Why am I even surprised?"

Shepard reached out and patted him on the arm. "There, there. You'll be back in the crazy swing of things in no time."

He caught her hand in his own, and her heart leapt at the tingle of biotics he let out to dance across her skin. "Your hand is cold." He murmured, and brought it to his lips. His warm breath as he pressed a kiss to her knuckles made Shepard shiver. His amber eyes were hot on hers, and warmth pooled low in Shepard's belly.

"Uhh…Commander. I am sorry to do this to you but…Wrex is calling. Said he won't wait." Joker called out over the intercom.

Kaidan pressed another kiss to her hand, then released it with a sigh. "I remember what it was like now." He muttered, glowering at the speaker above them.

"Rain check?" Shepard said, remembering another time the pilot had interrupted them.

"Definitely." His voice was husky, and she wanted to drag him off into a corner and run her hands all over him.

But, duty called. She sighed, and headed to the comm room.

Wrex spent five minutes spewing about his hate for Udina, then asked her to head to the Attican Traverse and help find his missing scouts. Shepard had left it off for long enough, and agreed. She could continue to root out Cerberus once she had dealt with the krogan troops.

She headed to the CIC, and gave Joker the coordinates. They would have six hours until they got there, and she needed to eat and sleep.

She also needed to avoid Kaidan, because if she saw him, she would invite him to come up to her cabin with her. And if he came to her cabin with her…the last thing she would be getting was sleep.


	47. Chapter 47

**Authors Note: Here we are guys. I have always loved this mission, so I gave it it's own chapter. Grunt is also a favorite of mine :) I hope you like it...and don't worry. Next chapter there will be some quality Shepard and Kaidan time!**

 **Thanks to Impslave for beta reading this for me.**

 **And thank you to VorchaGirl and JediZelda for all the reviews. It really made my day to get them!**

 **Chapter Forty-Seven**

Shepard turned her back to Kaidan and he checked over the seals on her armour. James was already waiting on the shuttle. Shepard had originally wanted Kaidan and Garrus with her on this one, as they had both already dealt with Rachni, if that is what happened to the scouts. But Garrus had received word that morning that his mother had passed away from her long illness.

The big turian seemed to be taking it in stride, but she knew the loss of a parent hit you deep, expected or not, so she left him with a bottle of turian brandy and unlimited comm room time. Right now he should be with his family, not watching her six.

Kaidan gave her a pat, signalling her seals were tight, and she did the same for him, then they hopped onto the shuttle.

The first part of the ride was silent, then James asked. "What's the deal, Commander? This some kind of rescue mission?"

Shepard turned to look at him from where she stood by the door. "Er… not necessarily. Our back-up is waiting for us at the drop point. Aralakh Company. Krogan commandos."

"Yeah, they are supposed to be one of the best. Became famous after they liberated a colony from batarian pirates." Kaidan said from his seat, checking the clip on his assault rifle.

Shepard turned to face him, her eyebrow raised in question. He shrugged and smirked at her. "What? I checked the file on them…Spectre, remember?"

She chuckled at him, and turned back to James. "Other than that, there's been no word from a team of krogan scouts since they went through the rachni relay. We don't know much, but no rachni activity has been reported."

Kaidan shuddered. "Thank god. I am not looking forward to this if it is rachni. Remember the little ones? They are like spiders…and they all gang up on you, yeuch! They are nasty!"

"Scared of a little bug, Major? Man, and here I thought you L2s were supposed to be tough?" James snorted, and Shepard smothered a smile. She could always count on James to keep things light.

"Just you wait, Vega…just you wait." Kaidan muttered darkly, and clipped his helmet on as Cortez gave them the warning they were approaching the drop zone.

"Shepard…I am concerned about the existence of the rachni rumors at all. It has been years since you released the last rachni queen…and it was on the condition she disappear forever. She would not risk annihilation to start a war." EDI's voice came through the shuttle speakers.

James pivoted slowly to face her, and through the faceplate on his helmet she could see his eyes were wide. "Wait…You're telling me you let a rachni queen go? Are you kidding? EDI, your kidding right?"

Shepard shrugged as Kaidan sighed. "No. It was the right call."

"Twenty seconds to drop, Commander." Cortez called, as James spluttered at her.

"Be ready for anything, Vega." Kaidan thumped the big marine on the back, and moved in behind her.

Cortez landed, and Shepard hopped down, weapon holstered as she saw the cluster of krogan waiting by their own shuttle. She scanned them, looking for the leader and paused when she saw a familiar light-skinned krogan looming at the back of the group.

"Grunt?" She called.

"Shepard?" He boomed, and then the two krogan in front of him were sent flying as he straight-armed them out of his way and broke into a gallop. Roaring with laughter, the massive krogan almost bowled her over as he thundered up to her.

"Shepard!" He punched her in the shoulder playfully, and she swallowed the yelp of pain, and did her best not to fly backwards onto her ass.

She punched him back, and he grinned at her, while Kaidan and James looked confused. "What are you doing here?" She asked him.

"I could ask you the same question. Didn't those idiots lock you up?" At this he raked his blue gaze over James and Kaidan, in their Alliance armour. She peeked over her shoulder at them, and saw they both looked totally lost.

"Yeah, they did. Kept me in lock down to keep the batarians off me. Didn't want problems with the council while they prepared for war…But, the situation changed."

Grunt snorted thunderously. "Yeah…they got bigger problems. Who're these pyjacks?" He jabbed a thumb in the men's direction.

Shepard stepped back level with Kaidan and James. "This is Lt. James Vega, he was with me on Earth. He is a damn good marine. Almost as good with a shotgun as you." Grunt snorted in disbelief and shook James' hand.

She moved to stand beside Kaidan. "This is Major Kaidan Alenko. He was with Wrex and I on the first Normandy, and was also with me when we had to leave Earth." Grunt eyed Kaidan up and down, and stepped closer to him.

"Alenko…Yeah… I remember that name. The turian didn't like you much, said you disrespected the battlemaster. The little quarian called you a bosh'tet." The huge krogan mused, eyeing Kaidan thoughtfully.

"Well, er…that was a long time ago. Kaidan is part of my krantt now. No one disrespects my krantt, right, Grunt?" Shepard used her 'don't fuck with the Commander' tone.

At this his gaze returned to her and he grinned ferociously. "Ha! No one! Not even thresher maws!"

Giving Kaidan a look she hoped imparted how close he had just been to dying, Shepard returned to the task at hand. "So Grunt, what's the deal with Aralakh company? Wrex said you are his best unit."

He swelled with pride and looked at his men. "They're tough, think they're invincible. Reckless, but effective."

Shepard laughed. "Ha! Sounds familiar. How did you go from being new and unproven to your own command?"

The big krogan laughed. "Wasn't easy. When Wrex put Aralakh company together, he needed a leader who represented the future of our species. Thanks to you, I completed my rite of passage on Tuchanka, and became part of Clan Urdnot. I was an equal. Being the strongest, I was chosen to lead this honored company. Also, us taking down that thresher maw on foot made me pretty badass."

Shepard chuckled, and she heard Kaidan mutter. "Jeez, I thought that was a joke."

"I bet some didn't like a tank bred krogan being in charge." Shepard eyed the collection of troops behind her.

Grunt shrugged. "I collected a few scars earning my place here. These krogan respect me."

Shepard clapped him on the back. "Grunt…You were a bit of a pain in the ass when you came out of the tank. But you were _my_ pain in the ass, and if these krogan are half the soldier you are, we might make it out of here."

Grunt laughed. "Heh! Glad you're here to crack some heads, Shepard. Hard to believe this might be rachni. Seems crazy." Grunt slammed his massive fists together, and the krogan gathered around muttered amongst themselves. "The rachni…a chance to face the old enemy? Impossible to resist."

"Yeah…but Grunt, we don't know yet if the rachni had anything to do with this. We're here to find the scouts. I didn't see any signs of activity during our approach."

The old Grunt would have roared something about being krogan and probably tried to chest bump her. The new Grunt had thankfully matured. "Agreed. But this place smells wrong. Like a bad wound."

"Yeech." James muttered behind her.

"Yeah… glad I can't smell as well as him. That's nasty." Kaidan muttered back, and Shepard shot them both a look of exasperation.

She turned back to Grunt as he continued. "Our scans show the tunnels down there lead to a large central point. If we're lucky, it's a nest."

James stepped forward, his eyebrows drawn tight together. "Wait… rachni have _nests_?"

Shepard and Kaidan shared a look, while grunt eyed James up and down. "Heh, heh, heh." The big krogan chuckled, and moved off towards his men.

"Aralakh company! Move out!" He bellowed, and the krogan scattered, picking up weapons, and moving towards the scout's camp, which Shepard could see in the distance.

Shepard, Kaidan and James checked their supplies, and grabbed up a few spare heat sinks from Grunt's shuttle, then followed after Aralakh company at a trot. Upon catching up, Shepard saw Grunt investigating the remains of the camp.

"Wow…this place has been wrecked." Kaidan muttered, and looked around at the damage. Windows were blown out of the small living quarters, the sides scarred and crumpled. Large drag marks through the dirt to the edge of a huge crater showed were the rest of the camp had gone.

Shepard moved up next to Grunt. "So, what do you think happened to the scouting party?"

Grunt gestured to the large crater before them, where debris was scattered. "Looks like something dropped half their camp down a hole. Their shuttle is wrecked as well. They weren't going anywhere."

"Alright, let's get going." Shepard hefted her assault rifle and moved into the small living quarter trailer by the edge of the hole. It seemed pretty stable, but she moved into it first, and cautiously.

It was pretty much cleaned out, with the windows on the far end gone, and all the supplies picked over. Kaidan stepped a little closer to her, and James stepped into the trailer as well. It shuddered slightly.

"Uhh, Shepard?" Kaidan muttered.

"No, I think it's okay." She said and took a few more stepped forward. She was looking out at a wall of rock at the far end of the trailer. There was a hideous screech, and she looked in confusion at the rock, which appeared to be moving.

The trailer lurched under her feet, then she was looking frantically for something, anything to grab onto as the trailer began to slide down into the massive crevasse.

"Shepard!" Kaidan yelled, and held his hand out for her. She leapt for his outstretched arm, and missed it by millimeters. The trailer lurched once more and she slid through the glassless window and fell.

She hit the dirt hard, rolling in a tangle of limbs. She heard a grunt and a thud, then she was looking up into Kaidan's face as he covered her body with his own, and created a barrier around them. A few rocks thudded harmlessly off the shield.

The trailer crashed into the ground behind them, and as the dust began to settle, Shepard could hear a flurry of cursing in Spanish as James crawled out of the wreckage.

"You good?" Kaidan whispered at her, and she nodded. "You?" She asked in return. "Yeah." He dropped the barrier, and stood, pulling her up after him.

"Vega? You coming or what?" Kaidan yelled, and James threw up his hand, middle finger raised in a rude gesture as he jumped down to join them.

"Shepard!" Grunt bellowed from above them. "You in one piece?"

"Looks like we are all okay. Keep in radio contact!" Shepard bellowed back.

"On our way, we will find another way down" She heard him barking orders to his men as the moved off the find another way into the tunnels.

Shepard looked at the dark cavern before them, and swallowed down her nerves. _Dark caves, rachni…this mission was going to be a bitch._

The entered the caves, Shepard and Kaidan walking together, with James following. They were only in a few meters when she saw the first body.

The scout was lying face down, and looking like he had tried to crawl some distance before bleeding out. His flame thrower lay beside him. Shepard picked it up, and exchanged it for her assault rifle. Flames might come in handy.

"Grunt. We got the body of a scout here. Looks like he's been dead a few days." She radioed.

"Damn. Keep looking." The krogan growled.

Just beyond the scout their advance was blocked.

Kaidan looked at it in horror. "Is that…webbing?"

Shepard shuddered slightly, and leveled the flame thrower at it. "Looks like it." A blast of fire, and the web crumbled, clearing their path once more.

Once they were past the web, the tunnels were almost totally dark. They all activated the flashlights on their guns. Shepard paused in the entrance to a large cavern. James moved up beside her.

"So…You guys weren't joking about the little spider bugs I take it."

Shepard gave him a dark look and he cursed. Kaidan clutched his assault rifle closer.

They moved forward slowly, checking all the corners and cracks. The rounded a large pillar and Shepard froze.

"What the hell is that?" Kaidan said.

"Some kind of egg pod? Breeding sacs maybe?" Shepard mused and stepped closer to one. It pulsed slightly, then exploded. Shepard was hit with a blast of goo, and scrambled away.

"Holy shit, they pack a punch!" Kaidan said, turning to her. He started to chuckle when he saw her, and she glared at him. He tried valiantly to cut them off, but she could see the struggle on his face.

"Oh man… Commander, that is nasty." James muttered, and offered her a cloth from his hip pouch.

Shepard swiped as much of the goo, which was in globs all over her chest and legs, off as she could, sending Kaidan death glares as she did so. Once she was a little less disgusting, she leveled the flame thrower at the remaining pods and lit them up, grinning as they exploded a safe distance away.

They moved forward once more, and the next set of pods the came to sat in spools of large wire.

"Reaper tech." Kaidan swore, and stepped back so Shepard could blast them. Once the pods were destroyed, their path forward was again blocked by webbing. Shepard shot it down, they had to drop into a massive cavern.

Kaidan dropped in first, then Shepard whose weaker leg gave out slightly as she landed. Shepard swallowed down her yelp of pain, and straightened her leg back out as James followed them down. As soon as the big marine's feet hit the ground, there was a screech, and Shepard's blood froze in her veins.

"Grunt, we got rachni!" She yelled into the radio, and dove for cover, as husked Rachni, called ravagers, poured into the chamber and opened fire on them.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Husks began to pour into the room as well. "James!" She barked, and the marine instantly began focusing on the husks. Shepard switched to her sniper rifle, and took a deep breath in.

Her first shot tore through the massive sac hanging on the front of the highest ravager, spilling the little spider-like workers out in a rush. She swore, and her next shot tore through its head. It had barely finished collapsing to the ground before she was finding the next one.

Knowing Kaidan could handle himself, Shepard launched over her current cover, and moved to a better vantage point. Several husks popped up right in her path, and as she scrambled to switch to her assault rifle, they were thrown away to crumple into the rocks. Kaidan had heaved a massive throw at them, clearing her path.

"Thanks!" She called.

"Anytime, Shepard." He quipped, heaving another throw at a ravager aiming at him.

She made it to her new location, and took another deep breath in. On her exhale, she sighted and fire a perfect headshot. Unfortunately, another throw from Kaidan hit the rachni seconds later, and its sac burst spilling more rachni workers onto the ground.

The husks were down, and the larger ravagers were down. There was a high pitched shriek behind her, and Shepard whirled.

"Get them off!" Vega shrieked again, and beat at the tiny rachni workers clinging to his legs.

Shepard scrambled towards him and switched back to the flame thrower. "Vega! Full shields!" She bellowed and leveled the gun at him. Once she saw the shield flare around him, she blasted him with the flames. Squealing in agony, the spider-like rachni fell to the ground. "Now run! They blow up!" She shouted, and the marine scrambled backwards as the bugs detonated.

Shepard jogged towards James, who was sitting on the cavern floor, panting. He looked up at her, eyes wide. She reached a hand down, and pulled him to his feet. Kaidan smacked a hand on his back.

"What's the matter, Lieutenant? Scared of a few bugs?" He smirked, throwing James' words from the shuttle back at him.

James shuddered. "They came out of nowhere…so many at once…all those legs."

"Oh, yeah. You'll have nightmares about those little bastards for weeks." Kaidan thumped him on the back once more, then hefted his assault rifle.

Shepard took point, and they moved through the cavern. They came across another dead scout, and Shepard lit up every pod she could find. No use leaving them behind for the reapers to do god knows what with them.

Getting through more webbing, they emerged into a small tunnel, which was blocked by massive metal door. More Reaper tech. They spread out, and began searching for another way through.

After a few minutes, Kaidan called out to Shepard.

She jogged over to him, and saw the weird node he had found. It was almost like a button. "Could be a power source." He said, and she nodded at him.

Kaidan leveled hit pistol at it, and shot it through the glowing centre. The light on it winked out, and the door dropped.

"Nice!" Shepard said, and nudged him with her elbow. He grinned at her, and gestured for her to lead through the door.

"You know, that would be a lot more romantic if you were showing her through the door of a restaurant…not telling her to go first to face the almost certain death on the other side of the weird Reaper door." James snorted at them.

Kaidan blushed, and Shepard shushed James. "Hey, I thought it was sweet." She said, and patted Kaidan's armoured shoulder.

"Women." James sighed, and raised his rifle as he followed Shepard through the door.

She blasted a bit of webbing in their way, and the tunnels around them erupted in noise. Roars and screeches echoed off the rocks, and they all whirled, looking to see where it was coming from. The ceiling began to shudder, and dust rained down on them.

"Cave-in!" Kaidan bellowed, and shoved James forward through an opening. Shepard dove after them, as massive rocks tumbled from the ceiling, blocking the path they had just taken.

Crouching as clouds of dust gusted past them from the settling rocks, Shepard reactivated her flashlight. At least it looked like there was a path forward.

"What was that noise, Shepard? Sounded bad." Grunt growled through the radio.

"Oh you know, there was a small cave-in. We're alright though." She quipped.

"Good. I really didn't want to dig you out." Came the gravelly reply.

"Ouch. That hurts my feelings, Grunt." Shepard teased.

"Yeah, yeah." Grunt muttered, and cut off the contact. Moving forward, they came across more of the reaper tech pods. Shepard ruthlessly fired each batch, making sure none were left behind.

Occasionally, there were rachni workers in the pods. This were hastily blasted to smithereens by James, who showed no mercy.

They were almost through the massive cavern they were currently in, when Grunt came back over the radio, his voice grave. "Shepard. I know what happened to the scouts."

"What'd you find?"

"They got hit hard. Their leader ordered them to carry weapons deep into the caves. He knew the next team would need help."

Shepard looked down at the flame thrower in her hands. If they hadn't kept coming across the bodies of the scouts, she would have run out of fuel long ago…and they wouldn't have been able to get past the webs to move forward.

She swallowed down her nausea. What the scouts had done…sacrificing themselves because they knew whoever would come to find them would need their weapons…it was a bad way to go.

Kaidan's face reflected what she was feeling. He too looked sick at the thought of the sacrifice these krogan had made.

"They died making sure we could make it to the central chamber. It won't have been in vain." She growled, into the comm. Grunt growled in acknowledgement and cut the feed off.

"Let's move." Kaidan said, and Shepard burned their way forward.

There was another massive chamber ahead, and Shepard knew they had to be getting close to the central chamber. She looked around warily. They would have to drop down into it, and it was too high of a ledge to get back out. The only way was forward… no turning back now.

"Watch yourselves, and stick to cover." She hissed, and dropped into the shallow water of the cavern, swearing softly at the scream of protest from her weaker leg. Gritting her teeth, she forced herself to step forward towards cover.

Husks poured around the corner ahead, moaning as they did their shuffling run towards her. Kaidan and James unloaded their assault rifles on them, leaving Shepard for focus once more sniping the ravagers. Taking care to avoid the sacs, she focused on head shots.

The rock around her head exploded and she ducked with a curse. Cannibals crawled out of shallow caves, and joined the fight.

"James! Focus on husks; Kaidan, work on the cannibals!" She yelled, and rolled out of the way as another cannibal shot at her. The fight seemed to go on endlessly. Shepard's arms were aching, and sweat was pouring down her face and back, making her eyes blur and sting. Her leg shook underneath her.

"Where the fuck is Grunt?" She hissed to herself, blinking the sweat away furiously. She put away her sniper rifle as the last ravager fell, and grabbed her shotgun. She had had enough of this bullshit.

With a roar, she launched herself out of her cover, and began unloading shot after shot into the closest cannibal. She just kept striding forward, annihilating everything that tried to approach her. She could hear the booming of James shotgun, and knew he was taking out the things trying to flank her. Kaidan's assault rifle was a ceaseless rat-a-tat-tat as he picked off the things still trying to crawl out of the caves.

Finally, they were all dead. Shepard's arms dropped to her sides, the shotgun held loosely in one fist. She panted, looking around at the bodies.

Kaidan set his hands on her shoulders, and steered her to a large rock, making her sit for a moment.

"You sit, too, Vega. Let's all have an energy gel and just breathe for a minute." Kaidan passed them all a gel, then sat beside Shepard, wiping sweat off his face with a rag. He offered it to Shepard, who swiped at her own face before tossing it to James. They rested for about two minutes, then Shepard shoved to her feet once more.

"Let's finish this." She growled, and set off through another tunnel. More pods lay ahead, and Shepard began destroying them, James and Kaidan taking care of any workers to survive the flames.

"They are breeding an army down here…think about it. The rachni breed quickly. And this place is almost impossible to find. If Wrex hadn't sent scouts…" Kaidan trailed off.

"I agree. And the Reapers are throwing everything they've got at us to keep us away from the nest."

There was a long crevasse up ahead, and on the other side Shepard could hear gunfire. She ran through the crack, and there was Aralakh company, backs to a wall. One of the reaper doors was behind them, and a small army of enemies were throwing themselves at the krogan unit.

Grunt looked up as Kaidan and James fired on the reaper forces from above. "Shepard! We're blocked and getting overrun!" He roared.

"Hang on! I'm on it!" She yelled back, and saw webbing above her. She hoped it led down to another node so she could get that door open.

"Move it, Shepard! Grunt bellowed as one of his troops made a suicide run into the center of the enemy troops, blowing himself, and a bunch of the husk troops up with a grenade.

Scrambling down the steep tunnel, she swore with relief when she saw the node ahead. Kaidan shot it, and the door dropped. They whirled to face it, and there was a shotgun blast, and a roar of "I am krogan!" Then, silence.

Grunt, followed by his remaining troops, came through the door. The rest of the rachni retreating into the darkness.

"Thanks, Shepard. God damn Reaper tech stopped us."

"We ran into it too."

"The rachni have backed off for now, but they can smell our wounds. Any worthy enemy would re-group and finish us…soon." The big krogan growled, looking everyone over.

"Yeech… what is it with smelling wounds?" James muttered, and Kaidan shrugged.

Their little party was looking a bit battered. Shepard was bleeding from several small nicks to her face when the rock shards had hit her. Some of Grunt's krogan had bullet wounds to their arms or legs, James had some nicks and cuts. Kaidan seemed pretty much unharmed.

"We are close, Grunt. Those barriers are protecting whatever is down that path." Shepard gestured to a long tunnel behind them, leading deeper into the cave.

Grunt looked down the tunnel, then cracked his massive knuckles. "We will dig in here. Kill anything that moves. It will buy you some time."

His men spread out through the small chamber, blocking every entrance.

"Good luck." Shepard called, as Kaidan moved to the tunnel.

Grunt snorted at her. "I don't need luck! I have ammo!" He snarled, and Aralakh company roared its challenge through the caves.

Shepard grinned at him, then turned and followed Kaidan into the tunnel.

"Ahhh, son-of-a-bitch…" Kaidan growled, and James peered past where he was standing then backed away, shaking his head.

"Uh-uh. No way, Commander."

The tunnel ended with a wall of rock…and a narrow tunnel close to the ground. Shepard crouched down in front of it. It was pitch black inside, and would definitely be a tight squeeze. They would have to crawl on their bellies. She fired up her flashlight, and scanned the narrow space.

"Looks clear."

"No! You have got to be fucking kidding me. A) I won't fit. And B) You are fucking loca, Lola! Seriously! Crawling face first into a tiny tunnel, in a reaper filled cave!" James sputtered as Shepard advanced on him.

"What was it you said to Kaidan about being un-gallant be having me go through the reaper door first? Well, Vega… guess you get to prove that you're the better ladies' man after all. Unless of course, you would prefer it be me?"

Kaidan face-palmed as Shepard let loose her best smile. Vega faltered, and then squared his shoulders. "Dios mio, I must be fucking crazy." James muttered, and crouched down in front of the tunnel.

"You better unstrap your weapons, Vega. We can push them through after you." Kaidan said, holding his hands out for the marine's guns. Once he held only his pistol and flashlight, James laid on his belly, and began to inch his way onto the dark hole.

Mingled prayers and curses in Spanish echoed out behind him, and after several minutes, he whooped. "I'm through!" Kaidan rolled his and Vega's guns into a small towel he produced from his hip pouch, and dropped to his belly, the bundle in front of him.

As he wiggled his way into the hold, Shepard smothered a girlish sigh. She watched his tight butt wiggle out of sight, and lamented the fact it was in armour, instead of his snug fatigues. Pulling her sniper rifle off her back, and setting it in front on her, Shepard lowered herself onto her belly, ignoring the twinge of pain from her weak leg.

All the dropping, and crouching and running across hard stone for several hours was causing the leg to tremble underneath her. Knowing that they weren't done fighting yet, Shepard jammed a stim into her leg, and relished the feeling of adrenaline overriding her fatigue. Kaidan called out that he was through, and she began to crawl.

She kept her breath's slow and steady, ignoring the instinct to panic at feeling so trapped. Shoving the sniper rifle along in front of her, Shepard gave a small sigh of relief when she saw the light, and Kaidan's legs, ahead of her.

He bent down and helped her to her feet. They were on a small ledge, in a huge chamber. There was Reaper tech everywhere. Massive pillars driven into the rocks like legs, with cables streaming deeper into the cavern.

Shepard peered over the ledge…it was a big drop down. She knew her leg wouldn't hold up after a drop like that. She looked at Kaidan.

"I need you to lower me off the edge, so the drop isn't so far." Kaidan nodded, but she could see he was a little puzzled. He probably didn't remember she had tried to fight a grenade…and lost.

James however, who had been through her through many a curse inducing rehab session, grasped her trouble immediately. "I'll go first and give you a hand, Lola."

She nodded at him, and silenced the voice in her head telling her she was weak.

 _It wasn't weakness to have to ask for help…it was weakness to be stubborn and hurt yourself, making them carry your ass out of this cave._

James landed with a grunt below her, and turned, arms raised to help guide her down. Shepard strapped her guns onto her back, and clamped her hands over Kaidan's wrists, while he did the same to her.

"I got you." He whispered, and lowered her down until Vega called out he had her. Kaidan let go, and she dropped slightly, then landed with a squeal of metal grating across metal into Vega's arms.

He set her upright, and stepped back as Kaidan joined them with a thud. "You good?" James asked, and she nodded, grabbing her assault rifle.

Kaidan took a couple steps forward to examine the tech closest to them, and a massive pillar erupted from the ground on Shepard's right. "Move!" She screamed and they all darted forward as more and more pillars erupted from the ground, until their path forward was cut off.

Swearing, Shepard looked around for a node. High in the ceiling, she found one. Shooting it, one of the pillars dropped, and a horde of shrieking husks whirled to face them.

"Well, they are pissed off!" Kaidan yelled, and dove for cover as a cannibal fired at him.

The ensuing firefight was intense, and went on for what felt like hours. They would get through a wave of enemies, unlock another node, and repeat. Shepard's stim had worn off, and her leg was shrieking in protest every time she was forced to run. Sweat was pouring off of her, and she could feel the muscles trembling as they tried to support her armoured weight.

There was a lull in the attack, and when she looked around, there were Reaper bodies littering the ground of the cavern. Kaidan was bent over, hand on his knees while he sucked in huge lungful's of air, and James was resting his hip against a rock, wiping sweat off his face with a rag.

A loud screech rang through the chamber, and Shepard could hear the scuttling as the husked Rachni fled.

"Shepard! The reaper forces are backing off. But whatever spooked them won't last. Finish the job!" Grunt growled through the radio, sounding tired.

"Copy that." She pushed off of the rock she was leaning against, and her leg shuddered. She gritted her teeth and pushed forward, shooting the last node and moving through the opened path.

She froze, her eyes moving up, and up some more. Kaidan sucked in a breath behind her, while James just stood, mouth gaping in horror.

The rachni queen towered above them, covered in reaper tech. Trapped, like a bug in a web.

"Si…lence…" A dead krogan scout gasped from beside Kaidan, who jumped in reflex and pointed his rifle at it.

James muttered "What the hell?" and crossed himself, pale as milk.

Kaidan looked at Shepard, who motioned for him to do nothing, and turned back to the queen.

"The…maddening sour note…has ceased."

The queen that Shepard had released on Noveria four years before had been a fraction of this size…and had looked remarkably different. She was wary. "What are you?"

"The last…queen." The dead krogan gasped, the queen using him as her voice, just as she had with the dead asari commando on Noveria. "We listen for the children. They are silent…hollow."

The rest of the dead scouts in the room, about six of them, began to speak in the same strange voice. The queen sounded angry as she continued, her voice echoing eerily though the krogan speaking in unison. "The machines come and take them to war. They die alone, silent, far away."

Shepard stepped closer to the massive queen, looking up at her. "The Reapers did this to you?"

"Yes…The sour note of the machines is everywhere." The queen hissed through her krogan.

James and Kaidan had backed towards her, and Shepard let herself brush up against Kaidan, taking strength from his presence. He had been through this with her before, he had heard the conversation between her and the queen.

"I let you go back on Noveria. You promised not to interfere anymore. The rachni were supposed to disappear."

The corpses around the room nodded in unison, dead limbs jerking against the control. "We remember. We kept our promise, retreated back through the relay. We started a new home. Beautiful children. Harmony." James moved close to one of the krogan copses, prodding it. Kaidan, smacked his hand away.

The queen continued. "But…The machines came. They heard our song. Their shriek of sour notes drowned us out."

Shepard looked in disgust at the tech trapping the queen, at the dead krogan, and the husked rachni. If she didn't help, she was dooming them to extinction…again.

"They can't hurt you anymore." She called, and James' head whipped around to face her so fast she heard the bones in his neck crack. "Can you still feel the reapers? Can they influence you?"

"We hear the machines, but they cannot control us. Remove this last shackle and we are free."

Shrieking echoed through the chamber once more, and Kaidan and James whirled to look behind them. The queen reared up as high as she could with the shackles.

"The children return! They will destroy us all. Release us!" The queen howled through her krogan.

Shepard's radio lit up. "We are getting movement here…a lot of movement." Grunt hissed.

"Copy that, Grunt." Shepard focused on the massive queen. If she released her, she could be a huge asset against the Reapers…but if she were to be captured again…

She met Kaidan's gaze and his eyes were troubled, but he gave her a tiny nod. He would back up her decision, if she decided to let the rachni go once again.

"Are you capable of fighting the Reapers?" Shepard called up to the massive queen.

"We hate the machines!" The dead krogan bellowed. "We will fight to save our unborn children. Release us!"

"Shepard… I don't know about this." James called out. "She's a mess. She needs too much time to escape!"

"Shepard! We are out of time. If we stay here, Aralakh company dies. Is that clear?" Grunt roared through the radio.

If they gave the queen time to escape, Grunt and his men could die. If she didn't, she sent an entire race to their doom.

"Aralakh company is to hold the enemy off while the queen escapes." Shepard ordered.

"We will buy you some time." She called up to the queen.

She got on the radio once more, knowing what she was about to ask was unforgivable…knowing it was something she would never be able to do herself.

"Grunt, fall back to our position and lead us out."

"Damn you, Shepard!" The snarl was vicious, full of anger and disbelief. "On my way."

A small part of herself shrivelled and died. Grunt was leaving his team behind to die, while he escaped to lead her team to safety. He would probably never forgive her.

It was both the hardest, and worst order she had ever given.

"Shepard…" James was looking at her in shock.

She raised the walls inside herself, barricading the parts of her that felt horror, and dismay away. Leaving the parts that needed to be ruthless behind.

"She is too valuable an asset to lose." She said, and fired upon the node imprisoning the queen.

With a shriek of pain, the queen dropped to the chamber floor, the tubes and wires attached to her ripping away in sprays of blood. She turned, and fled as quickly as she could through the back of the tunnel, while a wall on Shepards left exploded outwards to reveal Grunt.

Without speaking, they began to run. Grunt led the way out, James behind, then Shepard and Kaidan. They ran up, and up, the sections of cave and tunnel leading them ever higher towards the surface, where Cortez was waiting.

The shrieks and growls of the husked rachni echoed eerily around them, and Shepard knew they would never make it out before they were found.

As though her thought made it true, Grunt skidded to a halt, and dove back towards Shepard as the rock in front of them exploded. Several ravagers were around the corner. They would be gunned down as they made a run for the exit.

Grunt and Shepard locked eyes, and she tightened her grip on her assault rifle, refusing to look at Kaidan. Someone would have to hold them back, to let the others escape.

The huge krogan towered over her, but she straightened her back, and glared full in his face.

"The shuttle is up that path. I'll hold them off." Grunt said as she opened her mouth to speak.

Shepard's mouth tightened, and she stepped closer to him. Wanting to tell him no, she would stay. Wanting to tell him she would not let him die here.

"Get out of here, Shepard!" He roared in her face, gripping his shotgun tight.

She stared into his fierce blue eyes, and saw something in them she did not expect.

Acceptance.

She had ordered him to leave his team behind to die. She had ordered him to get her and her team to safety. She had no right to take that order back now…after he had sacrificed his people for hers. She swallowed hard, and grabbed his chest plate, dragging his massive head down to her level.

She butted her forehead gently against his. He blinked, and butted her back. She released him, and ordered James and Kaidan forward. They jogged around Grunt as he turned and faced the rachni. As they ran, it got lighter and lighter, they were so close to the exit. The rhythmic booming of Grunt's shotgun kept driving her forward.

James burst into the sunlight, and ran to the shuttle, opening the door. Kaidan reached the shuttle and turned back to help her hop on board. Shepard paused, turning back to the entrance of the caves. The booming of the shotgun had stopped.

Blood was rushing in her ears, and she swallowed hard, forcing the burning tears away. Grunt had wanted this. As she would have. It was a true leader who wanted to remain with their men, even if it meant certain death.

Grunt had turned into a true krogan, a true leader who would be written up in their histories. She would see to it. He would never be forgotten. Everyone would know about Grunt, and Mordin, and Thane.

Shepard grabbed Kaidan's hand and got one foot on the shuttle. There was a scraping sound behind her, and she whirled.

Grunt staggered into the sunlight, covered in blood. Shepard tore her hand out of Kaidan's and ran towards him, the tears falling unchecked down her face. She heard footsteps behind her, and Kaidan passed her, making to the wounded krogan first.

"Grunt!" She screamed.

Kaidan reached him, and wrapped an arm around the huge brogan's waist. "Anybody…got something…to eat?" Grunt muttered, and sagged into Kaidan, who used his biotics to avoid getting crushed into the dirt beneath him by the massive krogan's weight.

Shepard laughed, bending to help support him as James raced out to help. They got Grunt onto the shuttle, and he promptly passed out, Kaidan working furiously to staunch the bleeding on the worst of the wounds.

Cortez radioed ahead to the Normandy, and Chakwas prepped the med-bay. As soon as they were aboard they would head to the Citadel. Even for a species that could regenerate…Grunt's wounds were very serious.

Sitting next to him on the shuttle, while Kaidan worked on him, Shepard raised her eyes to the universe.

She didn't know who might be out there, but she said thank you anyway.

She thanked any of the gods who might be listening that she hadn't had to mourn another of her friends today.


	48. Chapter 48

**Authors Note: Hi Guys! First off, I have re-done Chapter 46. I wasn't happy with it, and couldn't stop stewing over it, so drastic changes were made. Feel free to read it, it is quite short.**

 **As for this one...any readers that don't like intimacy, skip to the 00oo00oo00...for those that do, Shepard and Kaidan finally get the reunion they deserve! This is only the second romance scene I have ever written, so go easy on me. I really liked how it turned out, and hope you do too!**

 **Enjoy, and thank you to Vorcha Girl, JediZelda and Impslave...you guys rock.**

 **Chapter Forty-Eight**

Kaidan stared steadily at the data pad Liara handed him, willing the words on it to change.

"I'm sorry the news isn't better, Kaidan." She said softly, and he tore his away and met her sympathetic blue gaze.

His throat worked, and he swallowed hard. "At least there is news. Even this is better than knowing nothing. Thank you for looking."

"Of course. I'll let you know if I hear anything else." Liara murmured, giving him a quick hug.

He hugged her back, and after she left, he turned and rested his arm against the cool glass of the observation window. He rested his forehead against his arm, then closed his eyes and pictured the last time he had seen his parents.

 _His mother was in her best dress, a jaunty blue hat perched in her silver curls. His father stood straight backed at her side in his old dress blues, his face beaming his pride for everyone to see. Kaidan walked up to them, in his new dress blues, the stripes proclaiming him a Major in the Systems Alliance glinting in the sun._

" _Oh, honey, we are so proud of you!" His mother cried, and pulled him down into a hug. He held her tight as she buried her face in his neck and let the happy tears fall._

" _Alright Anna, you'll soak the poor boy's uniform." His dad teased and tugged her away so he could pull Kaidan into a hug himself._

" _Good job, son. You deserve it." His dad pulled away and thumped him on the back, Kaidan swallowed down the emotions threatening to overwhelm him, and turned with one arm around each of his parents to face the photographer wanting to take their picture._

" _Now, you make sure to send me a copy of that, young man! I have a spot already picked out on my mantle at the farm." His mother gave the photographer her information, while his dad laughed heartily at the confusion on the kids face._

The door behind him opened with a soft puff of air, and the scent of grapefruit and rosemary drifted into the room. He didn't have to turn and look to know that it was Shepard.

He felt her pause behind him, and opened his eyes to stare out at the stars. He didn't move his head though. He needed a moment before he could turn and look at her without breaking.

"It all seems so calm from here. There are people going through hell in a million different ways…out there. And I want to be fighting alongside them, but…I want to be here. You know?" Kaidan pushed off of the window and turned to her.

The glow of the stars glinted off Shepard's skin, making her eyes even more green in the dimness. Those eyes peered right into his soul, terrible and wonderful at the same time. Kaidan swallowed hard as she looked at him, something in her eyes saying she knew he was in pain.

"I know. What's happened, Kaidan?"

"I…" his voiced cracked, and he paused, taking a deep breath. She reached out, and grasped his hand, twining their fingers together. The small gesture made him feel steadier, and keeping his eyes on her face, he tried again. "I heard from my mom. My dad…he is MIA. He's presumed…"

He looked out at the stars once more, the muscles in his throat working furiously. Shepard stepped closer to him, her grip tight on his fingers. "Tell me. The last you heard, they had gotten clear of Vancouver, right?" She said quietly.

Kaidan nodded. "They made it to the orchard. Once Mom was settled, and supplied…Dad left her there, and reported for active duty. Liara said he was supposed to report to Arcturus…it's all she knows. There are no records if he was there when…when…"

A wall of emotion overwhelmed him and he couldn't continue. His throat closed tight, and then his arms were full of Shepard. He buried his face in her hair, and his shoulders heaved as silent sobs overtook him. Shepard had one hand fisted tight in the hair at the base of his neck, the other a steel band across his back. He pulled her tight against him, his arms wrapped around her, holding onto to her like a rock in a stormy sea.

His father was probably dead. God, it hurt to even think it. His mother was alone, in the middle of a war. He was millions of light years away, his arms full of the woman he loved.

And he knew, if he could talk to her, his mother would tell him not to change a thing. She had been so happy when the news that Shepard was alive broke. She had lectured him about not being there for her on Horizon. She had told him she wanted him to be happy, and she knew Shepard was the one who made him so.

But still, the guilt weighed on him. "She's alone in this now, Jane…in all this."

He loosened his arms as he felt her pull back. She placed her hands on either side of his face, her eyes burning into his. "She isn't alone Kaidan. She has us, all of us, fighting for her. From everything you have told me about Anna, she probably has every neighbor she could find at the orchard with her. She will be finding people to help, to take care of. She won't be alone."

Kaidan nodded, and ran his thumbs along her cheekbones, relishing the feel of her skin against his. "How do you do it? How do you keep it all together like you do? After everything you've been through, all the loss…"

She looked at him, her face sad. "Honestly? I don't even know anymore…but having people you love, people you care about, to fight for… it means you can't ever stop. Every time I feel like I can't do it anymore, that it is too much…I think about you, or Tali, or Garrus…or any of them. If we don't fight, they die. Maybe they die if we do…but at least we tried. At least I'll go down knowing I did everything in my power to make sure they lived."

Kaidan's stomach clenched at her words. The thought of losing her again, after they had just gotten back to each other was too much. His hands became still on her face, his hand cupping her as his eyes burned into hers.

"Never forget the people fighting for _you_. I can't ever go through losing you again, Jane. I wouldn't be able to do it. I am fighting to make sure you _aren't_ going to go down fighting. I am fighting so neither one of us is alone again. Ever. Never forget how many people love you, and care about you. Me, Joker, Liara, Garrus, James…We are your family, so don't ever forget it."

She nodded, and kissed him. He kissed her back, hard. All the emotions of the morning tangled together as they pressed against one another. Kaidan groaned against her lips, and it was like he flicked a switch. It had been years since he'd held her this way, years since they had come together in passion. Tearing her mouth away from his, Shepard gripped his shoulders and jumped, wrapping her legs tight around his waist. Fisting her hands in his hair, she captured his mouth once more, and he gripped her hips tightly.

Turning so her back was against the window, Kaidan poured himself into the kiss. Her lips were firm under his, and as he left them to trail kisses along her jaw and throat, she gasped softly.

Tilting her head back, she exposed more of her neck to him, shuddering as he licked and nipped his way along the sensitive flesh. He savored each breath, each shudder.

Three years. Three years he had been waiting, wanting her back in his arms. Now she was here, and he had her…almost an exact mirror of years before, before Tali had interrupted them after a night of drinking. He nipped and licked, remembering what she liked, how she tasted.

Her hands moved from his hair down to his waist, tugging at the shirt he had tucked neatly into his fatigues. Tearing his mouth away from her neck, he pulled the shirt off. It landed in a heap by the door, then his hands were on her shirt, wanting to feel her skin against his.

Her shirt quickly landed next to his, and he paused, drinking in the sight of her. Her skin was pale, luminous in the light of the stars. A deep purple lace bra cupped her breasts, and he could see the rapid beating of her heart in the pulse at her neck. Kaidan reached a finger out, and trailed it slowly along the edge of the lace, her skin pebbling under his touch.

"I don't think this is standard issue, Shepard." He whispered, bending his head to kiss her collarbone.

"No… I may have done a little shopping…Cortez was the color of a tomato by the time the requisition order was placed." She murmured.

Kaidan chuckled huskily. He kept his touch light, trailing his fingers along her skin, marvelling at her response to his touch. "I can't believe we are here… I never thought I would get to do this again…" He looked into her eyes, marvelling at the love he could see in them.

"I know." She whispered, and pulled him down for another kiss. Their hands traced paths along each other's skin, revelling in the feel of one another. Kaidan deepened the kiss, and Shepard snaked a hand along his abdomen, fingers hooked in his belt.

He broke their kiss and groaned, and she quirked an eyebrow at him. "Shepard, I…I haven't been with anyone else since…err, it's been a long time."

She grinned wickedly at him, and something clenched low in his belly. "Neither have I…worried you've forgotten how?" She teased.

"Not likely." He growled and captured her mouth, while her fingers fumbled with his belt. The clasp slipped free, and then his pants joined the shirts in the pile by the door. He stood still as Shepard's hot gaze raked him slowly from head to toe. She ran the tips of her fingers along his pecs, then down the bumps of his abdomen.

"Someone has been working hard." She breathed, and bent her head to place a kiss on his chest, her hand trailing lower and lower. Once she slipped a finger into the waistband of his boxers, he grasped her fingers with a strangled groan. There was a war happening inside of him, on side screaming to tear her clothes away and take her, the other wanting to go slow, savoring each touch and gasp.

"Your turn." He growled, and began unsnapping her pants, pushing them down her hips to reveal matching purple lace panties. "Gods, Jane… you're going to kill me." He moaned. Pushing the pants lower, she stepped out of them, and he paused.

His face became serious as he trailed a finger along the massive scarring on her leg. The last time he had seen her unclothed, her scars had been different. She had had burns along her abdomen, from where she had fallen on the klixen. Her thigh had held the mark of the batarian that had shot her the day her parents died.

Now, the whole of her one thigh was a mess of scar tissue. Angry red tissue that had been torn apart from the grenade, then hastily repaired, left a map of ridges and discolouration behind. Her abdomen was smooth, and unblemished.

"It doesn't hurt…not anymore." She whispered softly, and he lifted his eyes back to hers. Her gaze was calm on his, but he could see the fear in her eyes.

Fear that the differences would bother him. Fear that the memory of her being rebuilt would change his mind.

He tugged her forward and kissed her. "It is just skin, Jane. It doesn't change what I love about you."

"I thought maybe…" Her voice was small, and his heart clenched.

He shushed her. "You're stuck with me now. I'm not going anywhere." He kissed her check, then the other, and trailed kisses along her neck once more.

He felt the tension melting out of her, and she tugged his head up so she could capture his mouth with her own. Once more, she jumped, and wrapped her legs around his waist. His hands slid down her back to cup her bottom, and she tilted her hips against him, rubbing along his erection. He groaned against her mouth.

Turning and walking them towards the couch, Kaidan lowered them down, and pressed her into the soft leather. Propping himself on his elbows, he ravaged her mouth, drinking in the feel of her tongue against his, her hips straining to meet his. The battle inside him was won. Now was not the time for slow.

Frantic, their hands roamed across one another's skin, tearing away the last bits of cloth separating them. As he sank into her, Kaidan moaned, and she sighed his name into his ear, turning her head to take his earlobe into her teeth.

"Fuck." He groaned, and moved against her. Her hands gripped his back tight, keeping them pressed together, reveling in the feel of his sweat slicked skin against hers. She fisted one hand into his hair, tugging his head back and raking her teeth along his neck. His hissed and thrust against her as she nipped his skin, pain mingling with pleasure as they got closer to their peak.

One hand held her hips underneath him, while the other twined their fingers together over her head. Bending to kiss her deeply as he moved within her, he looked into her eyes.

"I love you, Jane."

He saw the moment she went over the edge, her eyes widening, then closing as she gasped and arched beneath him. He buried his face in her neck and followed her over, gripping her fingers with his own as he came.

Her heart thundered along with his, and the air in the room felt cool along his damp skin. Her hand untangled from his, and she stroked her fingers through his damp curls, pushing a lock away from his eyes as he raised his head to look at her. She was unspeakably beautiful in that moment, and his heart lurched in his chest. Her skin was flushed with passion, her eyes heavy lidded and shining with feeling. She stroked her free hand down his face, and kissed him softly.

"I love you too, Kaidan. Always." She whispered it, and he knew it would be forever this time.

He had lost himself when she died, changing in ways he didn't truly understand. Parts of himself had just, drifted away. His parents had seen it, he had seen the worry in his mothers eyes. But laying there, with her in his arms, Kaidan had found himself again.

Losing themselves in one another, they had both emerged whole and unbroken.

00oo00oo00

Shepard looked out the shuttle window, past Liara and suppressed a shudder.

"Eden Prime. This is where it all began." Liara whispered, her gaze on the planet looming in the distance. She turned back to face Shepard. "Where the prothean beacon gave you the vision that warned us about the Reapers."

Shepard's head ached at the memory of the beacon tearing into her mind, trapped in its beam, after she had shoved Kaidan out of the way.

"We lost a lot of good people when Saren and the geth hit this place." Shepard turned to look at him as he spoke.

It seemed like a lifetime ago that they had been here last, she and Kaidan and Jenkins. Looking at Kaidan and Liara, both changed in so many ways over the last few years, she couldn't help but wonder what waited for them this time. What changes would this place have in store for them?

"Seems like more than just four years ago." Shepard muttered, bringing Kaidan's eyes to her.

"A lot of memories here. Jenkins and that damn geth recon drone." He rubbed a hand across the back of his neck, his eyes sad at the memory of the young marine.

"And Nihlus." Shepard added, scowling.

Kaidan cracked a smile. "Guess we've got a lot of people to remember down here…even if we're not fighting geth this time."

"I am glad that you're here for this, Kaidan. No one else was there in the beginning… no one else was here when it started."

Eden Prime was her first mission as Anderson's XO. Her first mission with Kaidan, and it had gone FUBAR almost instantly. She hoped the feeling in her gut was just memories of the last time. This time, she couldn't lose anyone.

Kaidan grabbed her hand, squeezing it tight. "I wouldn't miss it. This is where we met Ash, and I got to see that you lived up to every bit of hype out there regarding _Commander Shepard_." He reached out and trailed a gauntleted finger gently along her cheek, and she blushed, batting his hand away.

"Oh, pssh!" She scowled, and got a cheeky grin in reply.

Liara grinned and shook her head at them, as the shuttled tilted and Cortez began to bring them in to a landing zone. Sighing at her own foolishness for acting like a love struck teenager, Shepard brought her attention back to the mission.

"Liara, what do we know about this artifact? Any idea whether it is a part of the Crucible?"

Hackett had sent them here to recover a prothean artifact. One that Cerberus was extremely interested in, judging by the speed with which they had hit the colony.

Liara's brows furrowed. "The Alliance didn't give any specifics about what Cerberus uncovered. Hopefully it will contain information that will help with the Catalyst…but we shouldn't count on that."

Shepard nodded, and Cortez gave them the thirty second warning. Shepard pulled her assault rifle and punched the command for the door. She was first on the ground, boots hitting the grass on the edge of an abandoned compound.

The dig site should be just ahead of them. Taking point and keeping a wary eye on the outbuilding, Shepard moved forwards.

The grass was green under her feet, the mountains in the distance majestic and beautiful. The air was crisp and fresh in her lungs. "This was a beautiful colony, once." She whispered sadly into the comms, it reminded her strongly of Mindoir.

"It survived Saren, Shepard. It can survive this." Kaidan soothed.

She nodded, and rounded the edge of an abandoned housing pod. The colony had changed drastically since the last time Shepard was here. Huge pieces of prothean tech towered in the distance, and the dig site she and her team were currently moving towards had enough housing and agricultural equipment for a team of at least one hundred people. There were hundreds more dig sites like this, along with the larger main port town. Eden Prime had become a boom town for those willing to live on the fringes of Alliance space.

"Can't you just picture someone digging up a T-rex or something, Shepard? Kinda spooky." Kaidan gestured to the excavation machine and tools scattered around the area.

"Yeah, at this point definitely wouldn't be surprised if one of those bad boys came out of the jungle at us." Shepard gripped her gun a little tighter, and scanned the dense forest at the edge of the complex while Kaidan chuckled.

"I don't know… The velociraptors always seemed to me to be the most intimidating of the dinosaurs." Liara chirped and Kaidan and Shepard stopped dead and whirled to look at her, mouths agape.

Liara just shrugged. "I'm an archeologist…doesn't mean I wasn't interested in paleontology. Also, I happen to be a fan of the works of Steven Spielberg. His films were visionary. Joker and I watch them occasionally when we can't sleep…Garrus has also joined us, though he isn't as amused by the dinosaurs as I… He seemed to feel the similarities to the wildlife on Palaven were too similar."

"You never cease to amaze me, Liara." Shepard laughed, and the asari blushed a little.

Still chuckling under her breath, Shepard moved forward. The dread that had been in her stomach at being again on Eden Prime had lifted. It was just another mission against Cerberus. This place held no bogey men.

She had Liara remain outside, while she and Kaidan spread out and went through the housing units in case there was anything useful. Finding some info about Cerberus movements that might proof useful to the Colony's resistance, Shepard pocketed and move back outside. A quick shake of Kaidan's head showed he didn't get anything useful.

They moved along, until they came to the edge of the platform with the elevator that would take them down to the dig site. Liara hacked it quickly, and the elevator began to rise to their level.

"Wait… This doesn't seem possible…" The asari whispered, her brows furrowed as she scanned the data on the console in front of her.

"What is it?" Shepard was concerned, Liara's hands moved like a blur over the console, then she stepped away and moved to watch the elevator rise to them, disbelief etched on her fine features.

"It's…It's a prothean."

The elevator jerked to a halt in front of them, a stasis pod, like the ones on Ilos, set in the middle of it.

"Wait… what do you mean, a prothean? Like a body, or a Collector?" Kaidan's gaze moved back and forth from the pod to Liara.

The sinking sensation was back in the pit of Shepard's stomach. Liara was looking at the pod with reverence. "Like the bodies we found on Ilos…but this one is alive."

"How is that possible?" If this were true, it explained why Cerberus was here. A live prothean…

Liara darted forward to the side of the pod, Shepard following her slowly. The asari began to rattle off how this had happened. "You saw the prothean stasis chambers in the archives on Ilos. The only reason those failed was lack of power." She began scanning the pod with her omni-tool, as excited as a human child on Christmas. "Cerberus found this one in an underground bunker. It still has power."

Liara turned to Shepard, her face glowing with the power of her discovery. "He's been in stasis for the past 50,000 years. Waiting for _us_. Think of what we could learn!"

Kaidan moved closer to Shepard's shoulder. "Liara… Shouldn't we know a bit more about this before we just crack it open and wake him up? We don't know anything about them." Kaidan cautioned, and Shepard nodded.

"Liara, what can you tell me about the protheans. The people, not the technology." Shepard asked, and Liara's brows furrowed as she concentrated on what she had learned about them.

"Given your experience with the prothean cipher, you probably know as much about them as I do."

Shepard grimaced. All she saw was burning, and violence, and garbled messages she couldn't understand… nothing useful.

"I do know that the prothean empire spanned the known galaxy. They uplifted countless other species to help them join the galactic community." Their resident expert added, her expression hopeful.

"Galactic community? You think they had something like the Council?" Kaidan asked, sharing a glance with Shepard that obviously said, 'Hope theirs was more useful than ours.'

Liara nodded eagerly, oblivious to the joke. "Yes, exactly! Their cultural and artistic expression are actually quite close to those of ancient asari. And given their similar interest in helping other species, it's clear that they believed in inter-species co-operation."

"From what you are describing they sound _a lot_ like the asari." Considering the asari had written most of the history of the protheans, Shepard wasn't one hundred percent sold on the accuracy.

Liara seemed to see the skepticism on Shepard's face. She blushed a little and added. "I am sure I am coloring them with my own perceptions, but whatever the protheans were, finding one alive represents an incredible opportunity."

Shepard couldn't help but smile. Badass Shadow Broker or not…Liara was still a nerd. "Good thing we brought our resident prothean expert along, eh, Kaidan?" She nudged him with her elbow, and Liara smiled at her.

"I'm here to help. If this single prothean was sent into stasis, he could be the foremost scientist of his time…or perhaps the wisest councillor." Punching a series of commands into her omni tool, Liara swore.

"Goddess! Cerberus damaged the life-pod when they excavated it. Careless hacks! The life signs are unstable." She turned furious blue eyes on Shepard, who had to resist the urge to step back. She didn't think she had ever seen Liara look so terrifying.

"Well, let's get him out of there."

Liara shook her head. "No. Breaking open the pod would kill him. We have to find the command signal that ends stasis mode. There must be a command to open the pod without doing more damage as well. We should check the research labs."

Shepard nodded, and the trio moved away from the pod. Shepard hadn't taken more than fifteen steps when the first Cerberus shuttle swooped in and dropped off a group of troopers.

"Well, I guess Cerberus finally figured out we are here." She yelled, and pulled her assault rifle free. Kaidan leapt over her cover, and darted behind a metal container in front of her. Liara pulled a group of three into a massive lift, then Kaidan froze them, and Shepard blasted them to chunks.

They continued to work as a unit, the biotics going on the offensive, with Shepard performing the coup de grace, until they were through wave after wave of troopers. Panting slightly from all the rolling and weaving in and out of cover, Shepard turned to Kaidan and Liara and grinned.

"I could get used to double-teaming with my biotics like this!" Kaidan choked, then started laughing as Shepard turned beet red when she realised what she had said. "Wait…that came out all wrong…" She stammered.

Liara jogged past her with a pitying look. "Don't worry Shepard, I won't hold you to it."

Still roaring with laughter, Kaidan began picking up extra ammo and medi-gel from the fallen troopers.

Hoping that the feed to the Normandy had been miraculously not recording during her faux pas, Shepard hefted her assault rifle, and moved towards one of the lab buildings. Bile rose in Shepard's throat as she stepped into the pod.

Bodies of civilians were scattered around a set of sofa's, bottles of beer and bowls of snacks still on the table. The vid screen they had been watching scrambled.

"Goddess…" Liara whispered, horrified.

"They were gunned down while having a drink and watching the game." Shepard's voice sounded numb to her ears. One of the men was still seated on the sofa wearing his team's jersey, crumbs of the chips he held in his hand scattered on the leather beside him. "This isn't a military stronghold…It's somebody's home. What the hell is Cerberus thinking?"

Kaidan spoke softly by her shoulder, but his voice was hard. "We will shut down the bastards that did this, Shepard. None of them will get away."

Her jaw working as she fought not to grind her teeth, Shepard just nodded and moved past the grisly scene towards the tech lab at the far end of the complex.

She opened the door. "This looks like the data that should show us how to end the stasis mode." Liara said, and Shepard moved towards the console.

She began scanning the screen, and then images began to appear. Shepard stiffened, and felt something in her mind give way, then pictures of events from 50,000 years ago flashed across the console.

"Holy shit…" Kaidan gasped, and Shepard felt him staring at her in shock.

Shepard saw a command being entered into a pod, by a long three-fingered hand, and blinked as the images ended, and the pressure in her head resided.

"I've got the signal." Shepard rubbed a hand across her face. Wishing she could erase the images of Reapers destroying cities and burning people to ash.

"You understood that?" Liara asked, her eyes wide.

"You didn't?" Shepard asked, looking back at the image of a Reaper, perched atop the ruin of a city like a malevolent toad.

Liara shook her head. "No. All I saw was static. Cerberus must have been trying to make sense of the images without success."

Shepard turned to look at Kaidan. "What did you see?"

His eyes were searching hers, his faced awed and worried at the same time. "I didn't see anything on the screen, but your eyes…your eyes started to…"

"What? My eyes started to what?" He looked at her warily, and she almost growled with impatience.

"Glow, Shepard. Your eyes, they were glowing." He finished, and raked a hand through his hair.

Ick…glowing eyes. She shuddered as she pictured the glowing blue eyes of the Illusive Man… She did not want to look like that crazy motherfucker.

Liara's back shot straight, and her eyes lit up. "The prothean Cipher!" Kaidan and Shepard both turned to look at her. She continued. "The cipher you received on Feros. It lets you see the images as a prothean would…and understand the language."

"Okay…that makes sense. I saw the video, and the signal they used to remove stasis mode. Now let's go figure out how to open the damn thing." Shepard felt a rush of relief run through her. The thought that the Prothean beacon had done this to her, and not something Miranda and the Illusive Man cooked up, was a much better outcome for glowing eyes.

Kaidan nodded, and led the way back out into the complex. More Cerberus troops were waiting for them, and the rage Shepard had dampened down after seeing the men gunned down watching the game unleashed with a fury.

Roaring, she lobbed a grenade straight into the largest cluster of troops, screaming at Kaidan to take out the turret.

Once the heavy gun was down, she was moving, leaping over crates into the remaining cluster of troops, opening fire on them while they were still reeling from the grenade. She didn't hesitate, and didn't show them any mercy, gunning them down where they lay.

Whirling, she fired on more troops on the roof above Liara, causing them to duck down and allow her friend to get to cover. Spinning around, as she had in the bay on Mars, Liara pulled them into a lift, and fired on them, then dropped them off the roof to fall screaming into a deep cavern.

They were all breathing hard when the fight was over, Shepard still battling down her fury. Kaidan jogged up with a couple packs of medi gel and some ammo clips, passing some of each to Shepard and Liara.

Restocked, they headed to the last tech lab to figure out how to open the pod. Shepard punched the command into the console, and grunted as she felt the door in her mind give way, and the images began to flash on the screen.

A lone prothean stood beneath a massive Reaper, firing round upon round up at it, until it smashed him into the ground with a powerful leg. A group of protheans ran from a beam, but were too slow, bursting into flames as the red light caught them.

Shepard whimpered slightly, and gritted her teeth. She felt Kaidan place his hand on the small of her back in support.

She saw a three-fingered hand punch a sequence into the end of a pod, causing it to open a reveal a dead prothean. The hand clenched tight. The images stopped, and Shepard took a shaky step back, using Kaidans hand on her back for support.

"You understood that one, too?" Liara asked, looking a little worried at the weariness on Shepards face.

"Yes." She ground out, temples aching.

"Then let's get this over with." Kaidan said, running his hand down her back. Even though she couldn't feel it through her armour, Shepard welcomed the gesture of comfort.

She turned and he led the way until they were once again in front of the life pod. Shepard entered the command to end the stasis mode, and Liara scanned the pod with her omni-tool.

"It is going to take a few minutes to-"

"Down!" Kaidan roared, as a Cerberus shuttle roared low overhead, dropping of a last batch of troops to try and stop them from taking their prize.

Liara dove behind the nearest crate in cover, and Shepard ran forward trying to reach another crate ahead of her for cover. Kaidan launched a massive cryo blast, and the last three troopers about to drop from the hovering shuttle fell to the ground, frozen, then exploded upon impact.

"Nice!" Shepard yelled, and popped up to fire on a troop peeking around a corner. Too late she noticed the troop was a biotic.

She tried to get back onto cover, but felt the lift hit her. "Shit, shit, shit!" She howled, and furiously tried to fight her way free as she was lifted into the air. She may as well have been moving through molasses. She saw the red dot light up her chest, saw Kaidan whirl to face her.

 _Look away. Don't watch._ She thought desperately.

He roared her name and flared bright blue. Shepard felt like someone threw a band of steel around her middle, and then she was flying. She tore through the air like a bullet, and slammed into Kaidan, sending them both crashing into a massive crate in a tangle of limbs.

There were a couple rapid shots, then silence. Shepard lay on her back like a stunned beetle, struggling to catch her breath. Underneath her, Kaidan groaned.

Liara rounded the crate, and looked at them, a mixture of emotions on her face. "Goddess Kaidan… I have never seen something like that. You're lucky she didn't kill you when she hit you. How did you manage to get her out of that lift with a pull?" Liara reached down as she spoke, and pulled a groaning Shepard to her feet.

Kaidan's armour was dented, and his lip was bleeding where Shepard's head had thumped into his face. He sat up, a hand across his ribs. "I don't know… I just…pulled. Hard."

"You are crazy man!" Shepard muttered at him as Liara helped him to his feet.

He just looked at her, his warm brown eyes boring into hers. "There is no way I was going to watch them shoot you. I did the only thing I could think of."

Though she tried to fight it off, to keep her face stern, a grin crept onto Shepard's face. "You know, other than feeling like I collided with a tank, that was actually pretty romantic…and sexy. You definitely looked sexy yelling my name like that."

Kaidan blushed, and Liara threw up her hands in exasperation and turned to walk back towards the pod.

Shepard pulled her gauntlet off, and wiped the trickle of blood of his lip. Kaidan's eyes were hot on hers, and he pulled her to him for a quick, hard kiss. "You make me crazy, but I love you." He whispered, and rested his forehead against hers.

Shepard smirked at him. "Ditto."

"Shepard! The pod is ready to open!" Liara called, and she gave Kaidan one more quick kiss, and turned to wake up the last prothean.

She punched the command to open into the pod, then stepped back as it slid open.

The prothean looked as though he was covered in ice. He was wearing red armour, oddly styled, but beautiful. He had four eyes, and now that she could see him, the Collectors didn't do the prothean race justice.

The ice began to fade, and colour began to darken his flesh once more. His skin was a deep blue, with rose coloured flesh along his lips and eyes, a hint of yellow along his cheeks. He lay perfectly still, Liara scanning him anxiously.

"It may take him some time to fully regain consciousness…" Liara started, and the prothean's face twitched.

His eyelids cracked open, revealing startling bright yellow eyes. They were unfocused, and he blinked slowly a few more times. Then his eyes shot open, and locked onto Shepard's. She saw the confusion in them, then he flared blue and she took a biotic shot straight the chest.

The air left her lungs in a whoosh, and she crashed into Liara and Kaidan, taking them down with her as the prothean blew them away from the pod. The prothean tried to crawl out of the pod, but fell, his legs unsteady.

He managed to crawl from the pod, and fell with a crash to the ground beside Liara, who scrambled to her feet, looking at him in awe. Shepard gained her footing, as the prothean tried to scramble away, his legs wobbling underneath him as he got to his feet.

"Be careful, he's confused!" Liara called out worriedly, as Shepard approached the prothean, hands held unthreateningly before her.

He turned and tried to run, but fell with a crash at the edge of the platform. Pushing himself to his feet, he stopped as he looked out over the vista spread before him. Shepard could see the shock on his face as he looked at the mountain and jungle, bits of ancient Prothean tech rising out of them like spires.

His back was to her, and she knew she was taking a risk, but Shepard inched closer.

"Remember, it's been fifty thousand years for us, but for him…" Liara said quietly.

Shepard was just behind him now, and stretched out her hand to place on his shoulder. "Hey-"

The second she touched him, pain tore through her mind like claws. Images flashed and burned into her.

 _The prothean stood with a VI interface, desperation on his face as he was told of the fate of the other soldiers in the pods._

 _He was ordered to a pod himself, and ran, leaping into the empty vessel._

 _The door closed over his head, the view of his city growing smaller and smaller. Once he was enclosed in the blackness, the VI spoke in his ear._

 _His pod rattled underneath him as the VI bombed the facility, killing protheans and Reapers alike. There were only a few hundred pods left, a few hundred of his people to sleep through the rest of the war._

 _The VI spoke once more, and the prothean discovered that the interface allowing him to wake up after a set amount of time was damaged. He would be stuck in that pod, until a new culture discovered him. His pod would be kept alive, off the power sources of the other survivors._

 _Rage filled him, even as he felt the stasis begin to pull him under._

Shepard snapped back into herself with a gasp, falling to her knees and clutching her head as the prothean fell forward, on his hands and knees in the dirt.

She fought back the waves of nausea as the prothean spoke. "How many others?"

Shepard knew what he was asking. "Just you." She said softly, as Kaidan knelt beside her, worried.

He helped her to her feet, and she moved to stand closer to the prothean, ignoring the shrieking pain in her temples.

"You can understand me?" She asked him, as he remained on the ground, eyes closed.

"Yes. Now that I have read your physiology, your nervous system. Enough to understand your language."

"So you were reading me, while I was seeing…" She broke off, shuddering.

The prothean stood, looking out at the mountains in the distance as he spoke. "Our last moments. Our failure."

She moved to stand in front of him, waving Kaidan to stay where he was when he went to move with her. "Your people did everything they could. They never gave up. And I could use some of that commitment now."

She broke off as Cortez radioed her that there were heavy Cerberus forces inbound.

The prothean turned and looked at Kaidan and Liara with a sneer. "Asari, human…I am surrounded by primitives."

"It's not safe here. Will you join us? I have a ship, and a room for you if you wish." Shepard spoke before Liara could. She could see the asari was dying to ask him some questions.

He looked back at her over his shoulder. "You fight the Reapers?"

"Yes."

"Then we will see." He said simply, and walked past the hand Shepard extended towards him to wait for the shuttle.

"Goddess…" Liara breathed behind her, and Shepard grunted.

Kaidan placed his hands on her shoulders, and she leaned into them. "Let's get our new recruit settled, then find me some serious headache pills. I want your good stuff, Major."

"Sure thing, Shepard." He murmured, and they headed back to the Normandy.


	49. Chapter 49

**Authors Note: A familiar face rejoins the team this chapter, and Shepard has to face her fears...and control her temper!**

 **A big thank you to VorchaGirl, for the shout out on Tumblr, about 'Against the Odds'. It was really moving to see, and totally made my day!**

 **Thanks to Impslave, for Beta'ing and VorchaGirl and JediZelda for the reviews last chapter.**

 **Enjoy!**

 **Chapter Forty-Nine**

The last two weeks had gone by in a rush of activity.

Their new prothean crew member's name turned out to be Javik, and he was a surly, grumbling thing. Liara pestered him endlessly with questions about his time, and he just sniffed at her disdainfully, and muttered about 'primitives'. He seemed to be able to read feelings, and emotions throughout certain parts of the ship, almost as though he was reading snatches of the peoples lives.

It was disconcerting, and fascinating at the same time. Shepard had though Kaidan was going to die from embarrassment when she, he and Javik were discussing what he could sense, or feel, and he told them he knew they were 'joined' because he could smell their pheromones.

It had been a bit of an 'ick' moment for Shepard as well.

Shepard and various members of the team had gone and cleared out all the Cerberus cells they could find, and re-took them for the Alliance. She had headed back to the Citadel, and helped out a bunch of people there. Found a cure for some turian poison, helped another N7 agent, rescued a bunch of Elcor off Dekkuna, and visited Grunt, who was hating every minute of his stay in Huerta.

And they ran into Jacob Taylor. Shepard had finally taken Kaidan and Garrus out together, to make sure they would both play nice. They had gone to investigate some ex-Cerberus scientists, who had been found out and needed help staying out of the Illusive Man's clutches.

Jacob and his girlfriend, the head scientist, were in charge when she arrived. Needless to say, it wasn't exactly a warm reunion. But she helped make sure he was away from the Illusive Man, and they had provided Hackett with some serious help for the Crucible. All the scientists had headed straight there to help, after Shepard pulled their asses from the fire.

Now she stood in her dress blues, resisting the urge to tap her fingers impatiently on the console in front of her, which she waited for the quarian admirals to arrive.

The Migrant Fleet had sent word to Hackett that they wanted to aid in the war effort. So Shepard was here to play diplomat, and find out what they wanted in exchange. Nobody in this damn galaxy seemed willing to offer up their help without a catch.

The door opened, and she straightened her back as Admiral Raan stepped into the war room.

"Commander Shepard. A pleasure to see you again, though, I wish it were under better circumstances." Raan said smoothly as three other Admirals filtered into the room behind her.

Shepard, nodded at her, then cut to the chase. "I'd hoped for your support in the fight against the Reapers; and yet it has been months, and this is the first we've heard from you. What's going on?"

Admiral Gerrel, another face she remembered from Tali's trial, and not one she thought of kindly, stepped forward. "Seventeen days ago, with precision strikes on four geth systems, the quarians initiated the war to retake our homeworld."

Shepard stared at him, years of practice made her able to keep the shock off her face. _He can't be serious. The quarians could not be that stupid._

Admiral Koris stepped forward, and by his body language, he was pissed. "Which was a clear violation of our agreement with the Council to avoid provoking the geth!"

Before Shepard could speak, Admiral Xen spoke out as well. "A treaty violation is nothing compared to recovering our homeworld and the advanced AI technology!"

Swallowing down her temper, Shepard ground out. "Wait. You are trying to take back Rannoch? Now?"

Admiral Raan nodded. "Correct, Commander. Three hundred years ago, we lost our world to our own A.I creations, the geth."

Koris cut across her furiously. "After we attempted to kill them!"

Xen scoffed at him. "We didn't try to kill them, Koris. We tried to deactivate them. It wasn't murder."

Shepard resisted the urge to smack her down, thinking of Legion. Instead she eyed her coldly, and the smaller quarian, shank before her gaze. "No. It _was_ murder." Shepard's voice was quiet, but the menace in her tone made everyone in the room pause and eye her warily.

Raan stepped in to avoid a confrontation. "Commander, the quarians never intended to create a true AI. It was an accident."

"Ohh! An accident! Which you chose to correct by trying to kill them." Shepard sneered at her. Raan, Xen and Gerrel exchanged looks, but remained silent.

Koris threw his hands up in disgust and turned to Shepard. "Don't bother! Getting them to admit the quarians were wrong would undercut the justification for this suicidal plan." He spat.

Shepard planted her hands on the console in the center of the war room. "You're throwing yourselves at the geth. Again. Now? Why?"

Koris hissed. "Oh yes. And this time, we may have destroyed our people for good!"

Gerrel stepped forward, and if Shepard could see through his faceplate, she would bet the Normandy that the look he shot Koris was filthy. Gerrel punched a few commands into the war room console, images of Rannoch and the quarian flotilla appeared. "We'd driven the geth back to the home system when this signal began broadcasting to all geth ships."

Shepard recognized the signal immediately. She swore softly. "The Reapers."

Gerrel crossed his arms and looked at the images in front of them. "Under Reaper control, the geth are significantly more effective. Our fleet is pinned in the home system. If we're going to win-"

"Win?! You insisted on involving the civilian ships, Admiral Gerrel! We need to retreat or we'll lose the liveships!" Koris howled.

Shepard looked at the Admirals gathered in the room with disbelief. "You attacked the geth…and brought your civilian ships with you? The ones with your families and children on them?"

Again she was met with silence, while Koris shook with anger beside her.

For a moment, Shepard considered ordering them away. How could she possibly help people so stupid? But she thought of Tali, and the families that were now at risk because of the decisions of these few.

"Where is the signal coming from?" She spat.

Gerrel hurriedly punched a command into the console. "Here. A geth dreadnaught. It can outgun anything we've got, and its heavily defended."

"The Normandy's stealth drive can get us in undetected. I could board, then disable the Reaper command signal."

Xen nodded. "Yes. Cutting off the signal should throw the geth into complete disarray."

Shepard leveled Raan, Gerrel and Xen with a hard look. Raan flinched. "And while they're confused, you _will_ get to a mass relay, and retreat." Her voice could have cooled the room by ten degrees. "I will not risk the lives of _my_ people, to further this idiocy."

"Good. Our civilian ships have seen too much fighting already. Are you certain you can disable the signal?" Koris asked, his relief showing in the slump of his shoulders.

Gerrel stepped forward, as though to argue, but Raan clamped a hand tightly on his arm, and Shepard ignored them, keeping her focus on Koris.

"We'll get you out of there safely, Admiral." Shepard assured him.

Raan turned and gestured to the door. "Our newest admiral has also volunteered to offer technical expertise…" The door opened, and a familiar purple-suited quarian stepped through.

"Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, reporting for duty." Tali said, and paused at the top of the stairs.

Shepard's face split into a grin. "Wondered when you were going to show up. Glad you could make it, Tali."

Shepard gazed around the room. "Admirals, I'll ready a team to hit the dreadnaught."

Raan inclined her head. "Thank you, Commander."

She nodded, and headed out of the war room, snagging Tali's arm as she went. "Admiral?"

Tali shrugged. "It's mostly a formality. I'm an expert on the geth."

"That you are." Shepard smiled at her.

Tali sighed, and moved into the small meeting room to gaze out the window at the stars. "I'm glad you're here, Shepard."

Shepard leaned her back against the glass wall, and crossed her arms beneath her breasts. "If I had known it was this bad, I would have come sooner."

"You've had your own troubles. Shepard…I'm sorry about Earth." Tali whispered, and Shepard nodded, not wanting to speak about Earth and burning children. "We've got the largest fleet in the galaxy. If you can help us, we'll hit the Reapers with everything we've got." Tali's hands clenched into fists on the windowsill. "…Or however much is left after this stupid war."

Shepard bit down her acerbic reply. When she had first met Tali, the young Quarian would have done anything to get Rannoch back…but after everything they'd seen… "I thought you'd support the invasion." She said softly to Tali's back.

Her friend sighed, and shook her head. "No. After talking to Legion, I thought maybe there was a chance for peace."

"So why help them? Xen and Gerrel?"

"I'm an Admiral now. People look to me for guidance. Public disagreement would divide the fleet."

Shepard snorted. "C'mon, Tali. People look to me for guidance all the time, and I don't give a fuck about public disagreement. I try to do what is right. And this war is _not_ right."

Her friend just looked down, and wrung her hands together, like she used to years ago when she was feeling overwhelmed. Shepard sighed, and pulled her into a hug. "I'll help you get your people out of here safely, Tali."

The small quarian's arms tightened around her, and Shepard thought she heard a sniffle. "Thanks, Shepard." Tali pulled away, and straightened herself up. In seconds, she looked every inch a quarian admiral. Shepard was proud of her. "Just so you know, I need to keep things strictly business in front of the admirals. Let's talk somewhere private later, okay?"

"Sure thing, Tali. Feel free to check out the ship, there are definitely some people here that would want to say hi."

Tali nodded, and throwing her shoulders back, headed back into the war room.

Shepard headed out to get Kaidan. If she was heading onto a ship full of geth, it was far better to have two people who could hack…and his biotics would come in handy. She was also bringing Garrus, she was going to need the extra firepower. Seventeen million quarian lives were riding on her.

00oo00oo00

Shepard stood behind Joker's chair on the bridge, already in her armour. "We're approaching the quarian home system. ETA to Rannoch, five minutes." He said over his shoulder to her.

"What have you gotten from the comm buoys?"

Joker scrolled through a few screens and grimaced. "Pretty much a big ol' shitstorm, Shepard."

Shepard snorted. _Helpful_.

"I have detected a couple hundred unique ship signatures engaged in active combat." EDI chimed from the co-pilots seat.

Joker scrubbed a hand across his face. "Yeah…Like I said."

 _Well, it wasn't going to get any better than it was now_. "Take us in, Joker."

He cracked his knuckles, and put his hands on the controls. "Stealth drive is engaged. The only way they'll detect us is if you all start singing the Russian national anthem." He teased, and she rolled her eyes at him. Trust Joker to make obscure references from ancient movies at a time like this.

Snapping her helmet on, she made her way down to meet with Tali, Garrus and Kaidan. Kaidan and Garrus were already waiting by the airlock, and Tali followed her in hurriedly.

"Alright. Once we are aboard, we find whatever is broadcasting the Reaper signal and shut it down. As Tali is our expert on geth software, she'll be handling most of the hacking and security, with Kaidan to back her up."

"Good to see you again, Tali." Kaidan reached out and shook her hand warmly.

"You, too, Kaidan. How's the omni-tool? Still using the Logic Arrest?"

"Hey, it's still the best model." He said, crossing his arms over his chest.

Tali shook her head at him. "Not for using multiple attack processes simultaneously. You need a Nexus."

"Pfft! Nexus shield enhancements are years behind the curve!" Kaidan argued, and Shepard swivelled her head back and forth between them, while Garrus shook his head.

Tali tutted. "That's why you overclock the microframe."

"Huh…" Kaidan said, his face lighting up at the thought of tinkering with his amp for more power. Shepard stepped in, patting him on the arm.

"Okay, you two. You can nerd it out later. Garrus, you and I are going to be laying cover for these two. You're on Kaidan, and I'm on Tali."

Garrus nodded, and gave Tali a hug. "Good to have you back, Tali. With another dextro on board, maybe they'll finally get some better turian food."

"As long as it's sterilized." She quipped, patting Garrus' massive arm.

"Liara did get me some dextro-amino chocolates. You're welcome to them, once were back."

Shepard's head whipped around to face Garrus so fast her neck cracked.

"Liara got you turian chocolate?" Tali said, and Shepard could tell she was fighting off a giggle.

Garrus cocked his head at her, obviously confused. "She said she saw it, and thought of me. Why?"

"Oh, nothing." Tali trilled, and moved towards the door.

Kaidan thumped Garrus on the back and moved in behind her, while Shepard battled off a fit of giggles.

 _Liara and Garrus sitting in a tree. I…_ She cut herself off and jogged forward to catch up with everyone else.

They hit the other side of the airlock, to cross to the dreadnaught and EDI spoke over the comms. "Shepard, there is a problem. All the tubes except one, are physically secured."

Joker's voice joined hers. His tone was worried. "I see the free one… It's pretty torn up, Shepard."

"Thanks. It's too risky for the whole team. I'll secure the docking area, then everyone else can follow me over." Shepard ordered, and swallowed nervously. If Joker thought the tube was bad, it would be bad.

"Roger that, Commander. We'll just stay here…you know…quietly." Joker snarked, obviously not too happy at having the Normandy clinging onto the side of a massive dreadnaught in the middle of a war.

"Hang tight, Joker." Shepard teased, and the pilot groaned.

"Lame, Commander…Lame."

Everyone activated their magboots, and Shepard punched the code on the door. It slid open to reveal the docking tube, and the air left Shepard's lungs in a whoosh.

The tube stretched before them, massive holes torn through it, leaving it open to space. In order to get across she would have to traverse the gashes and tears…and pray it held together. If it didn't, she would once more be sent spinning into the icy abyss of space.

"Shepard…Maybe I should be the one to go across." Garrus said softly, moving up beside her. Shepard looked up at him, and knew he could see the fear in her eyes. He had been there through nightmares of getting spaced…been there where she tried to claw her own helmet off on Alchera.

A small part of her screamed to let him go, to keep her boots planted firmly on the ship. The rest of her knew if she didn't go, her fear would continue to grow, crippling her in the long run.

She shook her head. "Shepard, maybe he's right." Kaidan said softly.

She looked at him, saw the concern in his warm amber eyes. "It has to be me. If it goes wrong, I will need you and Garrus to get Tali through the dreadnaught. And we can't risk you, Tali. If I don't do this, I will always be afraid. I'll be okay." She said softly, her eyes staying locked on Kaidan's.

"Shepard…" He said it quietly, through their private comm channel this time. His eyes showed he was worried for her, showed the battle he was having about knowing she was right about the fear, and knowing what it would cost her to go out there alone.

"If the worst happens, I'll disconnect the boots, and Joker can send Cortez to pick me up. This time the Normandy is fine. This time, I'll have enough air to wait for a pick-up. I'll get through this, and every time after this will be easier. Trust me."

His eyes tracked her for a second longer, then he closed them. "You know I do. Just be safe, and remember that I love you, and will kick your ass if you don't get back here to me." He switched back to the team comm.

"Okay. We'll be in radio contact the whole time. Keep talking to us." Kaidan said softly, and her heart swelled. _Gods, she loved this man._

Garrus stepped back, and Shepard stepped out into the tube, the airlock sealing behind her.

Her breath was harsh and ragged in her ears as she moved a few steps forward. She navigated the first massive hole, and saw the damage to the tube was far more extensive than it looked from the airlock. In several spots, only one piece of metal was holding it together.

"Fuck." She whispered.

"Everything okay, Shepard?" Kaidan asked, and she could hear the concern in his voice.

"Yeah. Things are a little rougher out here than it looked."

"Take your time, and watch where you step. You'll get through." He assured her, and she nodded, even though he couldn't see.

Taking a few more steps forward, she came to a massive tear, and through it, got a perfect view of Rannoch. "Wow…Tali, you should see the view."

"Rannoch…is it beautiful?" Tali's voiced was hushed, and Shepard wished her friend could see what she was seeing.

"Yup. Beautiful. Get Joker to run you my suit feed when we are finished, and you can see for yourself."

"Thank you, Shepard."

Navigating her way around the massive hole, Shepard continued making her cautious way forward. She moved for a few minutes with only the sound of her breathing for company, then Kaidan spoke softly into the comm.

"How are you doing, Shepard?"

"The lack of gravity is definitely a little disorienting."

"Don't worry, once you are on the dreadnaught, you will be back in artificial gravity."

"Yeah…until then I'll just have to trust my mag-boots…you know, the only things keeping my ass from getting spaced…again." She quipped, knowing it was a bad joke, but needing something light to take the ill feeling in her guts away.

Joker snorted, and came through the comm. "Hey, just take your time Shepard. We're fine until they, you know…look out a window." He snarked, and she could hear he was feeling a little stressed at just hanging the Normandy out in the open.

"Geth don't use windows, remember? Structural weakness." She jabbed, reminding him of when Legion had casually informed them of that fact last year.

"Ha!" Joker scoffed. "Like the geth are just sitting there saying, 'Those organics would never try the no windows thing twice!'"

Shepard laughed, and Kaidan said, "What am I missing here?"

"Long story, Major. We'll fill you in later." Garrus drawled.

Still chucking to herself, Shepard saw the end of the docking tube. She was almost to the connection for the airlock into the dreadnaught.

"Okay, I am-" She cut off with a shriek as the tube gave way underneath her. She had one mag boot still attached to it, the other lifted to step onto the airlock. She was locked onto the piece of wreckage as it began to drift away into space.

Panic gripped her as she watched the space between her and the airlock grow larger, and larger. Without really thinking about it, her training kicked in.

She deactivated her mag boots and pushed off of the tube, she drifted weightlessly towards the tube, and she forced the sickening memories of spinning away into pace out of her mind. As she got closer to the airlock, she re-activated her mag-boots, and she was pulled down, her feet locking onto the floor of the airlock.

"Shepard! Talk to me! What's happening!" Kaidan's voice was frantic in her ears. She realised she was making whimpering sounds, and forced herself to stop, to take a deep breath.

"It's okay. I'm okay."

"What happened?" All three of them asked her at the same time, almost immediately followed by Joker's "That was wild, Shepard! Are you alright?"

"Yeah. The docking tube broke away just as I reached the airlock. I disconnected my boots and floated over. I am here now, but you guys are going to need a new way across."

"Jesus…" Kaidan muttered, and Shepard could hear the worry in his voice.

She swallowed down her nausea, and took a few deep breaths' to try calm her racing heart. Then she grinned to herself. She had done it. She didn't freak out like on Alchera. She had made it.

"So…I'm guessing you'd rather not solo the dreadnaught?" Joker quipped, and Shepard couldn't help but laugh. Hearing him joke about it, knowing he must be worried lifted some of the stress off of Shepard. She had been through worse. This was something she could do.

"Not if I can help it." She teased. "Tali, get on the dreadnaught schematics. If you can point me to another docking tube, I'll override the controls and let the boarding party on." Once she was finished giving the team their orders, she entered the airlock.

Time to help the others find a way in.

Working with the dreadnaught schematics, Tali directed Shepard into a hull breach, and advised her that there was an undamaged docking tube on the other side.

As Shepard maneuvered through the debris caused from the hole in the hull, Tali explained further the quarians decision to attack the geth. Tali and Koris, the only Admiral Shepard felt any respect for after this shit show, had opposed attacking. The others had been for, and as one of them was the admiral for the heavy fleet…this is where they were now.

Shepard gritted her teeth, and resisted the urge to scold Tali for not fighting harder to protect her people. Politics' aside, it was the wrong decision, and now millions of lives were riding on Shepard and her team.

Again.

She made it to the console that would allow her to open the airlock, and got them through.

"See any action?" Garrus called, while Kaidan and Tali looked at the tech around them in awe.

Shepard snorted. "Nothing. I would have to say they don't know we are here yet."

"Big place…" She heard Kaidan mutter as he climbed the ladder up to her.

Shepard grinned. "I've heard you say that before, Major."

He looked at her in confusion, then blushed and groaned. "Oh, man… That was the day I called you beautiful. It just slipped out and I was mortified. You still terrified me a little at that point."

"Kaidan, you were scared of Shepard?" Tali asked, as she hacked away on some terminal to get more details on where they were going.

Kaidan just shot her a look. "Weren't you when you first met her?"

"Point to Alenko." Garrus chuckled, then hastily cleared his throat as Shepard glared at him.

"Ha! And some of you still are!" Shepard jeered, and nudged Garrus with her elbow while Kaidan and Tali laughed.

"Har har, Shepard. You can be pretty terrifying." Garrus rumbled at her.

She smiled at him, a full powered, beautiful smile, and the big turian blinked as though blinded. "You know I only want to scare the enemy, Garrus. You should be safe."

"With a smile that like, we all need to watch out. That thing is deadly." Kaidan quipped, and he and Garrus howled with laughter.

"Alright, I am through." Tali called, and the trio joined her at the console.

They moved through a few levels of the ship, then Tali came to another console, and after reading the info on it, groaned.

"What's up." Shepard asked, leaving Kaidan and Garrus watching the exits.

"Well, I found the path to the operations center. From there we can disable the Reaper signal."

"Okay…what's the bad news?"

"It takes us past their defense network and through a sensor cluster…which means vents. Gah, always the vents." Tali hissed the last in frustration.

"You did fine at the Collector base!"

The small quarian whirled to face her, her body language screaming her outrage. "I was almost set on fire!"

"Exactly, Tali! Almost."

Tali slapped a palm against her face plate, and they began to descend.

00oo00oo00

Shepard groaned, and wished desperately for a pain killer. They had been in the dreadnaught for over three hours now, and the geth definitely knew they were there.

They had taken out what felt like thousands of the damn things, and they'd received word that Admiral Koris' ship had been shot down, and crash landed on Rannoch.

They had made their way through the main gun battery, which normally would have sent Garrus into spasms of delight, except for the fact that every time the guns fired, a shockwave followed that killed their shields and knocked them on their asses if they didn't make it to cover.

Once they had made it through that, Kaidan had made them all stop and eat an energy gel, while he tweaked their frazzled shields. They were almost to the drive core now, and that was where Tali had pinpointed the Reaper signal was originating.

Garrus, Kaidan and Shepard leveled their weapons at the door in front of them. At Shepard's nod, Tali punched the command and the door slid open. Shepard moved silently and quickly up the ramp in front of them. They were in the drive core.

The dreadnaughts core was massive, the blue glow glinting off the team's armour, making it shine and glimmer in the cavernous room.

"This is definitely Reaper tech… but where the signal coming from?" Shepard murmured, and Tali executed a command on the console in front of her. The bottom of the drive core dropped out.

Shepard looked up at the scene in front of her in horror. There was a geth strapped into the drive core, held into place by tubes and chains. Flashes of light moving in and out of the tubes into its body. It sagged as though in pain.

It focused in on her immediately. "Shepard-Commander. Help us!"

Shepard voice was rough with her shock. Disbelief and horror filled her face as she looked up at the tortured geth.

"Legion?"


	50. Chapter 50

**Author's Note: Thanks to Impslave for Beta'ing for me, and I hope you all enjoy!**

 **Please see the authors note at the bottom for some important info!**

 **Chapter Fifty**

Kaidan swivelled his head back and forth between Shepard and the geth strapped into the drive core. By her reaction, she knew it. This must be the one that helped her with the Collectors.

"We'll get you out of there in no time, Legion." Garrus called as Shepard whirled back to the terminal where Tali was standing.

"Get him down." She barked, but Tali stood a little straighter, and wrung her hands together.

"Shepard, wait. The geth are being controlled by the Reaper signal." Tali said softly.

Kaidan swore under his breath. Shepard wasn't going to like what the quarian was about to tell her… Shepard cocked her head at Tali, not used to resistance from her teammates.

"Yeah…this thing. And we need to get Legion out of it. Now." Shepard's voice was hard, her eyes locked onto Tali's mask.

Tali didn't move. "For all we know, Legion is working with them. Maybe it changed sides, or maybe its been hacked."

Kaidan watched as Shepard seemed to swell before his eyes. Her eyes flashed, and Garrus took a small step back, until he was at Kaidan's side.

"Legion helped us fight the Reapers. There is no way it would have agreed to this. Get. Him. Down." Kaidan fought off a flinch at her glacial tone.

Tali hesitated. Shepard snapped her head around and her gaze locked onto Kaidan's. He was moving before the order even left her lips. "Kaidan, do it."

He nudged Tali out of the way and began to hack he console, looking for the override codes that would release the geth from the tubes.

The geth, Legion, looked at Tali. "Creator Zorah, your caution is understandable. Once freed, we will submit to any restraints you deem necessary."

Tali's shoulders slumped slightly. "I'm sorry, Legion…it is good to see you again, but…" She trailed off miserably. Kaidan found the right controls and began disabling them.

"Won't be long now, Shepard. I am in." He said, and she gave him a tight nod.

"Legion, what can you tell me about this thing." She called up to the trapped geth.

"It uses our networking architecture to broad cast the Old Machine's command signal to all geth simultaneously."

"Damn." Garrus muttered, and tightened his grip on his rifle. Kaidan peeked at Tali, who was watching Shepard. The young quarian looked upset, still wringing her hands together.

"So, getting you out of there will shut off the Reaper signal?" Shepard called.

"Yes! Shepard, I have the control to release him." Kaidan called, and started to execute the command.

"Wait!" Legion called, and Kaidan's hands froze. "You cannot simply remove the restraints. We are secured via hardware blocks nearby, that shackle our operating protocols. You must remove the hardware block first. They are on the far side of the room."

"Garrus. Think you can manage that?" Shepard barked, turning to the big Turian, who gave her a look that clearly said _'Are you shitting me?_ '

"I'll go." Tali said, and jogged over to the terminal. Shepard kept her eyes on Tali until she reached the console, then turned her attention back to Legion. Kaidan just watched and waited for Tali to disable the shackles.

"How did the Reapers even get to you guys? Did they hack you and take control?" Shepard called.

"They did not. The creators attacked." Shepard's eyes flicked to Tali, but otherwise she never moved. "The geth wished to live. The Old Machines extended an offer."

Silence rang through the chamber.

Garrus and Kaidan shared a look. _Had Legion just admitted to joining the Reapers, along with the other geth?_

Shepard apparently, did not think Legion among them. "So we went to that geth station and rewrote the heretics for what? Nothing?" She scrubbed a hand across her face in frustration. Kaidan wished he could sooth the tension out of her shoulders, but stayed by the console. Now wasn't the time.

"No. You successfully rewrote the heretics. The decision to ally with the Reapers was difficult. Had the creators not attacked, it would not have been necessary."

"Idiots." Shepard muttered, and Kaidan didn't know if she meant the geth…or the quarians.

"So…if the quarians didn't attack, the geth would still be on our side. Smart move, admiralty board." Garrus muttered, and Kaidan jabbed him with an elbow as Shepard came over to the console.

"Nothing excuses an alliance with the Reapers, they could have found another way." Tali snarked through the comms, still hacking away on her terminal.

"Nothing excuses the stupidity of starting a war when the whole fucking galaxy is already in one either, yet you did. Bad decisions are made, and the rest of us are called in to mop up the fucking mess." Shepard snarled.

"Damn it, Shepard! I begged them to negotiate rather than attack. I did!" Tali sounded on the verge of tears, and Kaidan searched Shepard's face.

Her commander mask was firmly in face, her features calm. Her eyes however, were molten pools of fury. She was as close as he had ever seen her to snapping.

"Just get Legion down, and lets get the fuck out of here." Shepard barked.

Tali punched the command, and the hardware blocks came down. She raised her hand and spoke into her omni tool. "Admiral Tali'Zorah to fleet. The reaper signal is about to go offline."

Tali synced all their omni tools into the admiralty boards comm system. "This is Admiral Han'Gerrel, we are in your debt."

Shepard nodded at Kaidan, and he punched the command to release Legion from the wires. The geth dropped nimbly to the floor of the data core, and a small elevator descended, leaving him several floors below the rest of them. Shepard moved to the rail and peered down at him.

The drive core flared bright around them, then blinked out of sight, sending a shockwave over them all.

"Keelah!" Tali muttered, and staggered.

"As a gesture of cooperation, we have disabled the dreadnaught's drive core. All weapons and barriers are offline." The geth called, and Kaidan stared at him in shock. _How the hell did it do it? It was free for all of 30 seconds._

Shepard grinned. "Sweet, thanks, buddy!"

Garrus whirled, gun pointing up at the shafts above them. Kaidan could hear a faint scrabbling noise.

"Alert! Geth reinforcements incoming!" Legion called, and they all pulled out their weapons, as geth units dropped from the vents in the ceiling.

"Move!" Shepard roared, and they all scattered and made for cover.

Kaidan and Tali dove behind the same console, shoulder to shoulder in the tight space. "Watch your left Kaidan, that's a prime!" Tali howled, and a rocket roared past his face. Grinding his teeth, he launched a cryoblast, and the huge geth slowed.

Tali's drone zoomed towards it, Tali chanting "Go get him, Chikktika!"

Between the drone and Kaidan's assault rifle, and Tali's mad hacking, they managed to take the massive geth down.

"The geth fleet is destabilized. The signal is offline!" Admiral Xen's voice came through everyone's omni-tools.

"You're welcome!" Shepard spat as she lobbed a grenade into a handful of hostile geth. Kaidan could hear the rhythmic booming of Garrus' sniper rifle, and saw the smoking ruins of several of the synthetics scattered around the drive core.

He and Tali turned their attention to another prime, employing the same tactics that they had used on the last one.

"Civilian fleet, prepare to withdraw! The patrol fleet will cover you once the heavy fleet is in position." Admiral Raan called, and Kaidan saw some of the tension leave Tali. "Whenever you're ready, Admiral Gerrel." Raan continued.

"Good! It's about time we got to see what the quarians can do!" Garrus' bellowed, and Shepard grunted in acknowledgement, and ducked back down as her cover was peppered with bullets.

Kaidan gritted his teeth and launched a massive cryo, freezing three of the geth advancing on Shepard in their tracks.

He and Tali got the second prime down, and Kaidan rolled from their cover and darted across the chamber until he was only thirty feet or so behind Shepard.

"On your six, Shepard." He called, as Tali slithered around him and darted to the next console over, where she could have eyes on Garrus. The foursome hunkered down, and the next ten minutes were spent in a furious firefight.

Kaidan could feel the sweat trickling down his back, and had to resist the urge to pull his helmet off and wipe his face. His eyes stung from sweat, and his temples were beginning to throb.

At last, the geth seemed to be thinning out.

"Admiral Gerrel, what are you doing!" Raan's voice was loud, and panicked.

"Raan, check your screens. The dreadnaught is helpless!" Admiral Gerrel called, and Kaidan saw Shepard freeze.

"It has no barriers, and the main gun is offline. We can remove their flagship if we strike now!" Gerrel crowed triumphantly.

Shepard popped out of cover and began lobbing as many grenades as she could into the remaining geth, as Raan cried, "Damn it! This is our chance to withdraw the civilian fleet safely!"

"He wouldn't…" Tali whispered, then brought up her comm. "What are you talking about, Gerrel? We are still on board!"

Garrus and Shepard had cleared a path to the door, and Kaidan headed for Tali.

"We can't waste this chance. Heavy Fleet, all forward. Take out the dreadnaught!" Gerrel boomed.

"Patrol Fleet, hold position!" Raan screamed, and Gerrel's furious reply was instantaneous.

"You do that and the Heavy Fleet gets wiped out!" Gerrel snarled. "And if we die, a simple retreat won't save you from a geth response."

There was a beat of silence, then. "Damn you, Gerrel." Raan whispered, defeated.

"Damn it! What are they doing!" Tali yelled, furiously trying to get back into the Admirals' comms.

"Focus on getting us the hell out of here…I'll deal with those fuckers later." Shepard's voice was glacial, and Kaidan knew if they got out of here, the Admirals were going to see a side of Shepard hardly anyone saw…and lived to tell about.

Garrus eliminated the last geth on the upper floor with them, and they sprinted for the ladder, down to follow the path Legion had taken.

"Patrol Fleet, flanking support on the Heavy Fleet, give them a firing lane." Raan called, and Kaidan was sure he saw fire shoot from Shepard's eyes.

"All ships. Open fire!" Gerrel called, and there was a dull boom. A second later the ship rocked beneath their feet, and Tali staggered.

A second shot was fired, and the contraption Legion had been strapped into exploded, and went crashing down to the floor below.

Legion darted into sight on the floor below them. "Shepard Commander. The creator fleet is firing upon this vessel." He called.

"Yeah, I'm aware!" Shepard barked.

"Without barriers, the ship will be destroyed. We must evacuate."

Legion headed for a door below them, and Shepard followed him from the ramp above. "Where are the escape pods?" She called.

"Geth transmit intelligences via remote signal. We do not use escape pods." The synthetic called back, and Kaidan's step faltered.

 _Then how in the hell were they going to get off the dreadnaught?_

"Suggestions?" Garrus yelled, as the wall behind them exploded into flames.

Tali was muttering under her breath, and Kaidan knew she must be in shock.

"Geth fighters are docked in the port-side fighter bay. We can pilot a fighter to safety." Legion answered.

They made it to the door, and Shepard was first through. The door to the hanger bay was across a small ramp, in a circular room. It was a massive tube of some kind, and Kaidan couldn't see the bottom. Shepard ran forward, Tali behind her. Shepard was about halfway across when the wall on their right exploded.

Kaidan heard her grunt, and the screech of metal on metal. "Shepard!" He screamed, unable to see her through the smoke.

He saw Tali first, sitting up, frantically patching a tear in her suit while she hacked and coughed. Garrus crouched beside her and began to help.

Kaidan's heart was pounding in his chest. He saw a flash of metal, and darted towards it. It was her assault rifle. There were scratches in the metal ramp and his eyes followed them and saw her. She was on her back, not moving.

"Shepard!" He screamed again, and was at her side in an instant. He scanned her with his omni-tool, unable to take off her helmet in the geth ship.

She was alive, but had hit her head pretty hard. His scan read she most likely had a concussion.

She groaned, and opened her eyes. "Kaidan?"

"Yeah, babe, I've got you." He punched a command into her suit, and he saw her eyes begin to focus as the pain killer hit her bloodstream.

The ship rocked again under their feet, and Kaidan turned to see that Garrus had Tali on her feet once more.

"We need to go." Shepard said, and he pulled her to her feet. She wobbled on her weak leg, then found her stance.

"I'm on point." Kaidan said, and they fell in behind him.

"Shepard to Fleet. Hold fire! I repeat, hold fire!" Shepard screamed into the comms, as massive pieces of debris fell from the ceiling.

"They're not responding!" Tali yelled, desperately trying to get through as well.

"Damnit!" Shepard swore, and Kaidan pushed forward faster.

"Shepard Commander. We have taken control of docking protocols." Legion spoke calmly through the comms.

"We'll be right there!" She yelled, and moved up beside Kaidan, panting as she ran.

They entered the fighter bay, and one of the ships crashed from its dock, taking out a portion of the ramp with it. Kaidan gritted his teeth and sped up. They would have to jump.

He passed Shepard and leapt. His feet slammed into the ramp on the other side, but before he could whoop in triumph, it tilted underneath him, and he went crashing down to the level below.

"Kaidan!" Shepard called, and he groaned and got to his feet. His ribs ached, and he knew he must have cracked something. He looked up and saw her looking down at him. Garrus basically threw Tali across, then did the same with Shepard.

"I'm coming!" He yelled, and headed for the ramp that would take him back up to the rest of the team.

"Quarian bastards!" Garrus snarled and leapt over the breach easily.

Kaidan couldn't help but agree with him.

"Shepard Commander. We can only launch from the upper level." Legion droned, and Kaidan ran harder.

"He'll make it." She called back.

Kaidan pushed on, his legs burning and his ribs shrieking in protest. Legion stepped into the fighter as Kaidan made it to the top level.

Then his world exploded.

A shot tore through the bay, and the artificial gravity was gone. Garrus had gotten his mag boots activated in time, but he, Tali and Shepard had not.

As Kaidan spun, he saw the big Turian reach out and snatch Tali as she drifted past the fighter.

"Kaidan!" He turned his head, and slammed into Shepard. He locked his arms around her, as she skidded off his armour and tried to float away.

Her eyes were wild, and she was breathing hard. He knew this is what it must have been like for her over Alchera, spinning in the wreckage and flames of the Normandy.

Only this time they had air. This time, he wasn't going to let it end that way, for either of them.

"Legion!" He yelled, and the geth located them. They drifted toward the hanger door, and the geth started up the fighter and came towards them. Garrus was leaning out of the top, hands stretched towards them.

"Hang on to me." He told Shepard and she wrapped her arms and legs tightly around him as he let go of her and reached towards Garrus.

It felt like forever before the big turian's hands gripped his forearms and dragged them into the fighter.

"Shepard! I am reading a loss of gravity on the dreadnaught. Are you guys alright in there?" Joker's voice came through their comms.

"We're fine. We are taking a geth fighter out now. Don't shoot us." Shepard said, her voice starting out shaky, but getting stronger towards the end.

Garrus was crammed as far back in the tiny fighter as he could be, Shepard sitting on him, with Kaidan and Tali side by side in front of them, the turian's knees in their backs.

"Shepard Commander, is there adequate room in the cargo area?" Legions asked, and Kaidan smothered a hysterical laugh.

"We're fine. Go!" She barked, exasperated.

"Waggle the wings or something so I know which one is you." Joker called as they shot out of the hanger.

"Kaidan?" Shepard said quietly, and he cocked his head. It was the biggest movement he could make.

"I think you should be prepared to make a report to Hackett." She said, the cold anger seeping back into her voice.

"Okay…why?"

"There is going to be a diplomatic incident." She spat, and Tali cringed.

00oo00oo00oo00

As soon as the fighter docked with the Normandy, Shepard was off of it, and on her way to the war room. She tore her helmet off and threw it across the bay with a snarl.

She could hear Kaidan and Tali behind her, matching her pace.

"What the hell…?" James said, peeking out from behind some crates where he had been working out.

"Not now, Vega." Garrus said, and began to take off his armour, apparently not interested in seeing the show.

"Shepard…let me talk to them, maybe-" Tali began.

"No. You've proven talking means nothing, and they are determined to kill themselves, and us. We are past talking." Shepard growled, and she felt Kaidan's eyes boring into her back.

He was wisely keeping his opinions to himself.

The door to the war room slid silently open, revealing Raan, Xen and Gerrel in the middle of a heated argument.

"Your unilateral strike endangered us all! I should charge you with treason!" Raan howled, jabbing a finger in Gerrel's chest.

He crossed his arms and glowered. "I was within my authority as admiral of the Heavy Fleet."

Raan noticed them enter the room, and threw her arm out towards them. "And what of Shepard and her people! What of Tali'Zorah!"

"They escaped unharmed. Shepard, the mission parameters changed. You are military, you understand that." Gerrel drawled, turning to look at Shepard.

The rage inside of Shepard was intense. It roiled and snarled within her like a beast off its chain. She advanced slowly on Gerrel. Gerrel, who risked his chance to get his own people to safety. Gerrel, who fired on the ship while she and her team were still on it.

Gerrel, who would have killed Kaidan to further his own suicidal ambitions.

"I understand that you ignored the plan, and charged in without thinking." She hissed, and Raan backed away from her.

Gerrel foolishly continued to defend his actions. "The dreadnaught was a perfect target-" His sentence was cut off with a horrible gurgle as Shepard slammed her still gauntleted fist into his stomach. As he doubled over, she locked her other hand around his neck.

"Admiral. You jeopardized your mission. But more importantly, you threatened the safety of my people. My. People." She hissed, dragging him right into her face. "I should kill you now, god knows your people would be better off for it." Her hand tightened, and he began to beat at her arm.

"Shepard…" Tali whispered, horrified. Kaidan stood at her shoulder, but made no move to stop her.

"Get the fuck off my ship. Now." She released him, and stepped back as he collapsed to the floor, clutching at his throat.

Raan stared at Gerrel, but made no move to help him. "Shepard…I understand you're angry-" She began.

"The only reason you're still allowed on the Normandy, Raan, is that the galaxy needs your fleet." Shepard ground out, and the female Admiral flinched. Gerrel made it to his feet and staggered from the room, still clutching his throat.

"You must understand. They geth inflicted heavy casualties before you disabled the reaper signal." Raan said quietly.

"Casualties that would have never happened if you hadn't been so stupid! This whole thing can be laid at the quarians' feet! Three hundred years ago, you attacked a race of sentient beings, because you played with something you didn't understand, and didn't like the results! The only reason the geth even had the Reaper signal is because you were ruled by idiocy _again_ , and decided to attack them. In the middle of a war with the Reapers!" Shepard shouted. Her chest was heaving, and there was a dull roar in her ears.

Everything that had happened to them. Thane. Mordin. Earth. Palaven. It all swirled together. Pain and rage. And right now, she had an outlet for it.

"Shepard Commander. We are prepared to offer assistance." Legion stepped into the room, and Raan whirled.

"What the hell is this!" Raan cried, fumbling for a side arm she wasn't wearing.

Shepard stepped in front of the geth. "This is Legion. It helped me destroy the Collectors. The Reapers were using it to boost their signal and broadcast commands from the dreadnaught. We freed him. And Legion is one of my people. Got it?"

Raan nodded, and behind her, Shepard felt Tali fidget.

Admiral Xen stepped closer to Legion curiously. "This is a fascinating prototype. With some study, I may be able to use it to find a weakness in the geth consensus."

"Did you not hear me, Xen? Legion helped me in the fight against the Collectors." Shepard said quietly. She was working furiously to get a lid on herself. The urge to scream and rage and destroy was huge in her, and the Admirals seemed intent on providing her with targets.

Xen shrugged. "So did your pistol. Should I worry about its feelings as well?"

Like a snake, Shepard's arm struck and she had a hold of Xen's faceplate. "I don't think you'd like to continue this line of thought, Admiral. Legion is my friend, and more importantly our best source of information on the geth. Do not speak of it like a pile of parts again, or you'll go the same way as Gerrel." She spat.

She knew there would be hell to pay with Hackett. He wanted the quarian fleet. It was one of the biggest out there. But there were some lines that couldn't be crossed, and the Admirals were pushing past them at every turn.

She released Xen's face plate, and stepped back. She felt Kaidan move, only slightly, but his hand found its way to her lower back. She couldn't really feel him through her armour, but the silent movement meant he was on her side, and was going to back her up.

"The scientific benefits-" Xen spluttered.

"Are off the table. Last chance Xen, Drop it." Shepard's voice had turned glacial. Xen turned to Raan, who made no movement.

The silence rang through the war room, then Tali took a small step forward. "Legion…How will the geth react without reaper guidance?"

Shepard stared at her. Tali had hesitated and defended the actions of her people at every turn on the dreadnaught. To see her turn to Legion for help gave Shepard a small shred of hope her friend and teammate might actually still be in there.

"This is a false assumption, Creator Zorah. You have cut off long range control, but the Old Machines placed a base on Rannoch for short-term direction."

Raan gasped. "The geth still have reaper upgrades?"

Legion nodded. "Correct. They are currently disorganised, but once the short range-signal is in place, they will recover."

Raan's hands went to her mask. "Keelah… I need to warn the fleet. Xen, coordinate with Gerrel. Move!" She ordered.

There was a part of Shepard that wanted to walk away. To wash her hands of these people, and the mess they had created. But the other parts told her to stay. The parts that knew she needed them to fight for Earth. The parts that knew the geth would have no future if they stayed with the Reapers and annihilated the quarians.

The part of her that had gotten through Mindoir and Elysium knew this was what she needed to do to help her people survive.

She met Kaidan's eyes and saw nothing but support. She stepped forward. "We need to take out the Reaper base. Where is it located?"

"Unknown." Legion said.

"Find it." Shepard ordered.

"Understood. We do know the location of a server from with geth fighter squadrons are controlled. The squadrons are targeting creator liveships. Disabling them will limit casualties. We offer assistance."

"Thank you, Legion." Shepard looked at the data on the war console that Legion uploaded. "Everyone, we take a six-hour break. Get some chow and some sleep, then we head to Rannoch. Dismissed." Tali and the other Admirals headed for their temporary quarters. Shepard leaned against the console, the anger draining away.

Kaidan took off his gloves and set them beside her. He turned her to face him, and she closed her eyes as his warm hands cupped her face. The callouses on his palm were rough on her face, and she pressed into them. His thumbs stroked the sweaty hair off her forehead and he leaned in and kissed her.

They stood in the quiet for a long minute, allowing the tension in their bodies to drain away.

Kaidan's stomach gave a loud rumble, and she smiled, opening her eyes. He grinned at her.

She leaned in and kissed him. "Let's get you something to eat, and then see Chakwas. We both need to be cleared for Rannoch. Then we will try and sleep for a couple hours okay?"

"Yes ma'am." He sighed, and picked up his gauntlets. "But first, let's get this armour off."

He grasped her hand, and led her back to their cabin.

00oo00oo00

 _The forest was gray, the trees bare, as their skeletal branches twisted and reached towards the sunlight that was absent from the landscape._

 _I stretched my hand out in front of me, palm upwards, and caught the ash falling from the sky. If it had been snow, it would have been beautiful… But instead, it was smothering, making the air thick, and carpeting the ground in the flakes of the dead._

 _I took a step forward, silent in the lifeless forest. The smoky shadows of faceless people were scattered throughout the landscape, fading in and out of sight. Whispers danced through the air, almost tickling the edge of my thoughts. They were just sound, and I couldn't understand them._

" _Shepard…Excellent timing." I spun, my limbs heavy and sluggish, as I looked for him. His voice had been odd, almost distorted, but clear. His whisper had been louder than the rest._

 _Mordin._

 _A young boy, holding a toy shuttle darted through the trees ahead. I moved to follow him, my limbs dragging me down. It was like moving through water, making me slow._

 _The boy disappeared and I paused, searching among the dead trees for him._

" _Shepard…" Another voice called, different from Mordin's, but just as heartbreaking._

" _Shepard…" She called again._

 _Ashley._

 _I saw him, running through the tree's ahead, softly sobbing, his back turned to me._

 _I moved forward again, trying, but unable to move quickly. As I neared him, a dull boom rang through the trees, and he stood, fear darkening his face._

 _The boy from the shuttle turned to me for help. His blond hair still gray from the ash, tears making streaks in the grime on his cheeks._

 _I reached for him, to pick him up and spirit him to safety. The sky turned red, and he gazed up at me calmly._

 _I tried to call out, but made no sound. The red light grew brighter and he began to burn._

 _The whispers grew louder, Ash and Mordin's voice's tangling with those I couldn't understand._

 _His clothing charred and his blond hair fell away. I fell to my knees on the forest floor, screaming for help, though I never made a sound. His eyes never left mine as his skin blackened, and he crumbled to the ground, becoming the ash on the forest floor._

Shepard shot upright with a strangled gasp, tears pouring down her face. Kaidan jumped, and spun, looking for his gun.

"It's okay…I'm okay." She said, scrubbing a hand down her face. She felt his weight settle onto the bed beside her.

"Nightmare?" He asked quietly and his hand began to smooth circles along her back.

Shepard nodded, her throat tight. The pain in her chest was light a fist around her heart. The dream, dreams, had both been so vivid…and hearing Mordin, and Ash…

Kaidan tugged on her gently, until she was pressed into his side, then he just turned and pulled her into his chest. For a moment she resisted, then she gave up and melted into his arms.

For so long she had been strong, trying her damndest to keep her shit together. But with Kaidan here…she had forgotten what it meant to have someone to lean on…to talk it out with, or rant to.

Or just be there to hold her after a nightmare.

His one hand was still making gentle circles on her back, and he had nuzzled his head into the crook of her neck, his breath warm and reassuring against her skin.

"Thank you." She said softly, squeezing him back.

"Your welcome…but for what?" he asked, and pressed a kiss against her neck.

"For being here. For being you." She sat up, but kept her arms loosely around him. His eyes were warm on hers, and though she could see he wanted to ask what the dream was about, she knew he wouldn't. "I'd forgotten what it meant…to have someone. For someone to be here to see everything, even the things I would usually hide. I know I lost it today with the Admirals, but… somewhere in the back of my mind I knew if I went to far…if I crossed that line you would be there to pull me back."

"Shepard… of course I would. But you wont ever need me to. They deserved everything you said, and Hackett would have done the same. Just with… a little more diplomacy and little less punching." He smiled at her, and she couldn't help but smile back. "I swear, Tali almost fainted when you hit Gerrel."

She blushed a little. "I was pretty mad. He could have killed us. He could have killed _you_." She squeezed him, and swallowed the bile the thought of losing him brought.

"He didn't. And besides, we've been through worse. And we will get through worse yet. Rannoch is going to be a tough fight." Kaidan brushed the hair off her cheek, and she closed her eyes, loving the tingle of his skin against hers.

Shepard sighed. "Yeah. True enough." She rested her forehead against his, keeping her eyes closed. "I've had the dream before. It was different this time though… I heard Mordin. And Ash. I'm running through a forest… but its dark, and the trees are dead. There are shadows and whispers, but I can't understand them." She paused, and looked down at her hands. She had clenched them into fists. "Then I see the boy. He is running, and I always almost make it to him before… the forest turns red, and he burns before my eyes. Then I wake up."

"Jesus." Kaidan said, his eye's troubled. "The boy… did you know him?"

She shook her head. "He is the one I told you about. The one that went down in the shuttle."

Kaidan closed his eyes and shook his head. "Maybe Chakwas can give you something. Something that will help you sleep without the nightmares."

Shepard smiled sadly at him. "I wish…but you know I can't take anything. If I have to get up, and I'm doped…I can't afford to be grounded."

"We can't afford you to be sleep deprived either, Jane. Next time we are on our way to the Citadel, take something. Just a half dose. I can stay up, put out any fires." She looked at him, at the love in his eyes, and the worry lines crinkling the skin of his forehead.

"Alright." She said softly, and was rewarded with a sweet smile.

"C'mere. We still have an hour before we have to gear up for Rannoch." He lay down again and tugged her with him, until they lay face to face.

"Kaidan. I'm not going to be able to sleep now." She laughed.

He waggled his eye brows at her. "Who said anything about sleeping?"

His mouth covered hers, and the last worries from the dream were swept from her mind. Whatever was coming, she and Kaidan would deal with it. Together.

If they ever made it out of bed.

 **Author's Note 2:**

 **Hello all my lovely readers! I want to let you guys know that Against the Odds is going to have some sporadic updates going forward. I had hoped to have the story completed by the end of August, as I am going to be backpacking through South East Asia for the next 6 months, but it didn't happen that way. I am still going to do my best to write as I travel, but it will be challenging. This story is 100% going to be completed, I wont be giving it up, never fear ;)**

 **Thank you to everyone reading, and following, and favoriting. I hope you stick with Shepard and Kaidan, and I look forward to hearing from you if you want to drop me a comment.**

 **All the best, Mandy.**


	51. Chapter 51

**Alright Ladies and Gents, Kaidan and Shepard are back! Thank you all so much for the follows and favorites while Against the Odds was on Hiatus. My trip around the world is complete, I have moved to my new town and settled in, I start my new job next week, so regular posting shall resume.**

 **Thank you to VorchaGirl for keeping in touch and keeping me motivated while I was across the world.**

 **You all rock.**

 **Chapter Fifty-One**

Shepard woke with a groan, turning and burrowing deeper into her blankets.

"C'mon Jane… I made you tea." Kaidan coaxed, prodding her gently. "Legion has come up with a plan for taking out the geth fighter squadrons."

She heaved a sigh and poked her head free of the blankets. Kaidan grinned at her and set the tea down on her side table.

"You all suck." She griped, reaching for the tea with one hand, while trying to smooth down her bed hair with the other. "How long was I out?"

"About five hours. I went down to grab us some chow and Legion was just standing by the elevator, waiting for 'Shepard-Commander'". He stood and grabbed a plate with eggs and bacon from the coffee table and put it next to the tea.

Shepard wolfed down her food, then stood, groaning as she stretched.

Kaidan cocked an eyebrow at her. "Sore?"

She mock glared at him. "Yeah. I wonder how that happened?"

He winked at her, and strolled out of the room with a grin. With a last lingering look at his behind, Shepard hopped in the shower and geared up.

She gathered everyone in the war room and took stock of the situation on Rannoch. They had three major issues to deal with. First, Admiral Koris was still MIA. Second, they had to disable the geth fighter squadrons. Third, and biggest, the geth were getting a reaper signal from somewhere on planet, giving them reaper upgrade codes.

"Alright. The situation on Rannoch is bad. Admiral Koris is one of the only members of the admiralty board willing to do what it takes to go up against the reapers, Gerrel and Xen are idiots, and dangerous ones at that." She turned and looked at Kaidan. "Kaidan, take James and Liara and find Koris. If he is still alive, convince him to keep faith… and keep the liveships in the fight. We will get Rannoch free of this mess." Kaidan nodded, and then she turned to Legion. "Legion, you will take me, Garrus and Tali and we will get the geth fighters offline. We can't afford to lose anymore liveships. Once we have accomplished that, everyone meet back on the Normandy and we will take on the Reaper signal. Understood?" She looked around the room and everyone nodded. "Okay, go kick some ass."

Everyone left the war room and gathered their gear. As Shepard's team was a drop off, they loaded into the shuttle first. Cortez would swing back and assist Kaidan's team in the hunt for Admiral Koris once the drop was made.

They were in the air for about five minutes when the vid screen lit up and Raan peered at them through the blurred screen. "Commander? It is as we feared. Geth squadrons have begun massing on a path to intercept our liveships."

"Understood Admiral. We're almost at the server. Keep us posted." Shepard ended the communication and turned to Legion. "What's our status?"

"We remain undetected on encrypted geth channels. Resistance is likely only within the server."

Shepard's eyebrows shot up. "Within? It's that big?"

"You misunderstand. Direct virtual interface is necessary to extract geth from the server. You must enter our consensus." The synthetic's eyebrow plate arched as it looked at her.

"Damn…" Garrus muttered.

 _Son-of-a-bitch. What the fuck does that mean._

"Err…" Shepard scrubbed a hand down her face. "So you're saying you want me to virtually interact with the geth? _Virtually_."

Tali's mask was whipping back and forth between Shepard and Legion in disbelief. "That's insane! You're talking about a virtual world built for synthetics. Hostile geth synthetics!" She burst out, jumping to her feet.

"Shepard. We've done some crazy things… but this… we can't help you in there. You'd be on your own." Garrus rumbled, his eyes worried.

Shepard turned back to Legion. "I'm not a machine. How do I go into a virtual world?"

"Your species has experimented with virtual interfaces. You saw this on Project Overlord."

Shepard sucked in a breath and her back snapped straight. "I saw how it almost unleashed a rogue human-A.I hybrid on the galaxy. I don't know about this Legion." The memory of the look of horror on David Archer's face while he was strapped into that machine blazed through her mind.

The synthetic stepped closer. "We have refined the interface they created and have equipment from the Normandy to facilitate safe contact. We request your trust."

 _Bam._ His words hit her like a fist. She had always thought of Legion as a member of her crew, same as she thought of EDI, she did her best to treat them the same as the rest of the crew. But this, for him to have the concept of trust, to understand it and be able to ask her for it…

"I have your back, and you have mine. Let's do this Legion." Shepard sighed.

Tali muttered "Keelah!" and grabbed her shotgun with a sigh. Garrus just muttered under his breath and shook his head.

"We have an advantage. You are an unknown. Geth security is not adept at targeting organic thought processes. While we occupy the systems intrusion countermeasures, you will disable the squadrons by removing geth from the server." Legion gestured to her with his hands.

Her mind spinning, Shepard just nodded. "If it saves the liveships, we'll give it a try."

Legion moved to the shuttle door. "There is little time. We will bypass security while you secure safe landing." He stepped up to the edge of the door and turned to face the team.

Shepard's jaw dropped. "Wait! You're not going to-"

Legion opened his arms and dropped backwards from the shuttle without a sound. Garrus stepped up and peered down to the ground far below. "Looks like it just did." He grinned at her and they began their descent.

They jumped off the shuttle at the mouth of a long cave behind a massive cliff and silently moved forward. Tali was looking all around them in awe, but there was no time for the young quarian to revel in being on her home planet. After several minutes, they caught up with Legion.

Bodies of geth were scattered around the massive consul, and Shepard swallowed down her nerves as the synthetic punched a command into the massive server and a life support pod slid from the shadows.

"This is it?" She asked him, and he nodded.

"Yes. Hostile geth fighter squadrons are networked to this server."

Shepard looked around and noticed the massive geth primes in pods all around the room. Tali clutched her shotgun a little tighter.

"Due to restricted resources, it is best if you connect alone." He said, punching a command into the server.

 _Fuck._ Shepard expected as much, but a small part of her had been holding out hope that she would be able to have Tali or Garrus with her. She straightened her back and approached the pod. "Let's do this."

"Initiating peer-network integration. Proceed into the docking port." Legion gestured to the pod.

Shepard took a deep breath, and stepped in. The door sealed behind her, and the humming noise form the server stopped. Everything was muffled and still.

"Mapping to consensus. Remain still." Legion said, his voice muffled.

Garrus and Tali looked at her, worry on their faces. She tried to give them a smile, but only bared her teeth in a grimace. Garrus gave her a thumbs up, while Tali wrung her hands nervously.

The pod powered up, and blue lights began to scan her, more and more rapidly until there was a flash of light, and the pod door opened.

Tali, Garrus and the server room were gone.

"Shepard-Commander, we acknowledge your integration to this server. We welcome you to our consensus." Legion said, his voice seeming to come from everywhere.

Shepard stepped free of the pod slowly. She was in a massive room, which seemed to be made up entirely of cubes. It was huge, and seemed almost devoid of colour. She felt dwarfed in the foreboding space.

"What is this…" She murmured, gazing in all directions.

"We have installed filters to allow you to make visual sense of this server's raw data. Your mind perceives our world as something familiar."

She snorted. "Yeah… I wouldn't call this 'familiar'. Where are you?" She scanned the room and Legion appeared, dropping down from the ceiling on a floating cube.

"Here." He approached the square she was standing on. He was almost translucent, glowing and flickering. It was like he was a ghost.

"You look different." She said, eyeing him up and down.

"We have made ourselves visually distinct for your convenience." He said simply.

Shepard's mind was beginning to hurt. "What about geth already in here?" She scanned for more Legion look a-likes but the room remained empty, except for the cubes. She could see some in the distance that appeared to be glowing, a deep orange colour.

"You will perceive geth as surveillance footage, audio logs, sensor records. We do not require bodies as our software communes. Our hardware is merely a tool. This is our true world. As we remove geth, it will grow dark."

"Okay…what does turning off the lights do to the geth in the real world?" Shepard had a feeling it wasn't going to be the same as when they re-wrote the heretic geth the last time.

"The geth fighter squadrons communicate with platforms via this server. We will sever that connection. We will ensure there are no transfers or backups. This server will fall silent."

Legion hesitated, and looked down.

"Jesus…This is like wiping out a whole city, isn't it?" Shepard felt a ball in the pit of her stomach. She couldn't think of the geth as 'just machines'. That was the quarians mistake, and the geth were so much more than that. She swallowed down the ball of guilt, and squashed the nasty voice whispering _"Murderer"._ She had done it to the batarians, to save billions of others… now she had to do it to the geth.

Legion stepped closer to her. "We have no choice in this matter. It is a question of survival." Legion was matter of fact, and it bolstered Shepard's resolve. "There are two communication nodes on this server. We must access them to disable the hostile geth's fighters." He gestured to the glowing cubes in the distance. "We must protect your exit port, but you will not be alone. We will maintain contact and assist." Legion moved and positioned himself in front of her pod.

Shepard stepped to the edge of the platform and more flew down from the sky to make a path. As she walked forward, the path continued to build in front of her, a platform at a time, as she made her way to the glowing cubes. She reached automatically over her shoulders to grab her assault rifle, and one materialized in her hands.

"Holy shit!" She yelped and almost dropped it.

Legions voice echoed all around her. "I created combat software for you to use to against the infected code. I thought this would be most comfortable for you Shepard-Commander."

"Yeah… comfortable is not what I am Legion, but thanks." Her platforms stopped, and she eyed the glowing chain of cubes in front of her.

"You must disrupt the infection." Legion said, and she leveled the assault rifle at the cubes. Light shot from the end of the gun and the cubes vanished, she kept firing until all the orange cubes were gone. "Heh, well that was pretty sweet actually." She grinned and moved forward once more onto the floating platforms.

Shepard sent several minutes moving along the platforms destroying all the infected code, then Legion had her enter an access point to continue through to the next section. She stepped warily into the blinding light beaming up from the floor and was staggered when what felt like an electric current passed through her. As suddenly as it started it was over and she was standing in another massive grey room, surrounded by cubes of infection.

Shepard moved ahead, breaking up the strands of orange cubes until she came upon a massive ball of cubes with infected code attached like leeches to its exterior.

"Warning! Reaper presence detected. Data-cluster contains infected code. We require access to proceed." Legion's voice droned from around her.

Shepard approached the mass. "Okay, so kill anything tentacle-like." She muttered, and fired upon the first arm. It disintegrated, and she moved on until all three were gone.

"Accessing data-cluster." Legion called and the mass of cubes in the middle vanished. In its stead was a hologram of two quarians and a geth. The geth was laying down on a medical table, the quarians seemed to be examining it.

"Legion…What am I seeing?" Shepard asked, her eyes riveted on the scene above her.

"Data-clusters contain historical data. Your connection permits streaming of information from our archives."

 _Holy. Shit._ She was witnessing the history of the geth.

The female quarian began to speak.

" _You really want to rename the V.I networks?"_

" _Absolutely." The male replied. "The mobile hardware release deserves a little ceremony." He turned to the geth on the table. "Unit zero-one? What's the Khelish word for 'servant of the people?'"._

 _The geth turned it head to face the man. "The word is 'geth' Creator-Zahak."_

" _Yes. Very good." The male said enthusiastically, making a note on his clipboard._

" _Ancestors. You fuss over it." The female scolded._

 _The male put his hands on his hips. "Weren't you here until midnight fixing zero-one's circuitry?"_

 _She fidgeted. "Well… it needed re-soldering."_

The scene vanished. Shepard's mind spun. She had just seen what was essentially the first geth, being tested by the quarian scientists responsible for creating the whole race.

Legion remained silent, and Shepard moved on until she came to another data-cluster. This time knowing what to expect, she wasn't startled when the mass disappeared and a hologram from the past appeared.

"This cluster contains data time-stamped 290 years ago." Legion stated.

The scene was once again a geth strapped onto a medical table, two quarian scientist with it.

" _Creator? This unit detects no malfunctions. It is still capable of serving." The geth said, his voice eager to please like a child's._

" _You see?" The male scientist said angrily. "It is ignoring all shutdown commands!"_

 _The geth turned to look at him. "Please specify if it has failed assigned tasks. We will reprogram."_

 _The female scientist opened a cavity on the geth's chest. "Well, let's take a look." She said kindly as the geth looked at her._

" _Creator, this unit is ready to serve." The geth's voice was curious. "What has it done wrong? What have we-"_

" _Cut the audio." The male said harshly and the geth's voice died abruptly._

The two scientists bent over the geth, and the scene vanished.

Shepard had a ball in her throat at the callous manner the scientists used. It was obvious the synthetic had been learning and adapting. She thought of EDI, and how much she had changed, even before becoming unshackled. So many people just thought of her as a tool to be used, and not an entity capable of thought and emotion in her own right. It was shameful.

Swallowing down her disgust, Shepard moved forward once more, and Legion informed her there was only one data-cluster left in this server.

As she approached, the hologram of Legion appeared. "Accessing data-cluster" He said, and above him the scenes from the past began to appear.

A quarian with an assault rifle fired at something she couldn't see.

" _We've got escaped geth! They're pinned down." He shouted._

 _More quarian soldiers appeared. "Open fire." One said, and a barrage of bullets flew to the targets._

 _The holo changed and a group of geth was shown being gunned down, as they stood unarmed and confused._

 _One geth walked up to a sniper rifle laying in the dirt, and a quarian soldier aimed at him and screamed. "One's going for a weapon!"_

The scene froze with the geth bent over the gun.

Legion was looking up at the scene, and something about him seemed terribly sad.

"So who won?" She asked him gently.

"The platform arming itself was an agricultural unit. By opening fire on attacking creators, it saved simpler domestic geth following it." He answered, still looking at the scene frozen above them.

Shepard studied it, and then something grabbed her attention. _The rifle…_

She looked at Legion. "That looks like the sniper rifle you used to carry…"

He looked at her. "It is… an efficient model."

Shepard was horrified. Legion had been the first geth to act against its programing and attack the quarians…and he had done it to save his people. It had been self defense. The quarians had been lying for hundreds of years. Shepard's frustration and anger against the quarians was growing, forming a ball of fury in her gut.

Legion vanished and created another tower of light for her to enter. They were onto the last server. It was almost over.

00oo00oo00

Tali and Garrus waited in front of Shepard's pod, keeping an eye out for hostiles and watching Shepards vitals on the monitor.

Admiral Raan came through the comms. "Commander Shepard, are you there?"

Tali and Garrus looked at one another, then Tali answered. "Shepard is…working on shutting down the server Admiral Raan. I can fill you in."

"Alright. The geth squadrons have arrived, but something is amiss." The Admiral sounded confused.

Garrus stepped closer to the glass and gave Shepard a worried look as the Admiral continued. "Half their fighters have stopped functioning. We are still taking losses, but we will continue to hold out for as long as we can."

"Keelah…" Tali muttered as Raan cut the communication.

"C'mon Shepard, you can do this." Garrus muttered and began to patrol once more, sending nervous glances at the still figure in the pod.

00oo00oo00

In the server, Shepard continued to move forward. She aimed at an infected code and fired, but it instantly regathered itself.

 _What the hell?_

"Shepard-Commander, the reaper code has adapted: it can now self-replicate." Legion said.

"Fuck. You mean it grows back?" Shepard hissed, eyeing the glowing strand in front of her.

"Yes. However, disrupting vulnerable points in the infection may slow down its replication."

After a few tries, Shepard figured out if she took out the thinner chains of infections farther down the strand first, she could go back and hit the biggest parts of the infection, eliminating them. It slowed her down, but she was still making progress forward.

After several minutes, which felt like hours, she had cleared another data cluster and the holograms of the past appeared.

" _Out of the way!" A quarian official screamed at the female quarian scientist from earlier, who was standing protectively in front of a placid geth._

 _She shook her head. "You can't do this to them!"_

 _The official backed up and aimed at her chest. She held up her hands, pleading with him. "This is insane! We need the geth. You can't just destroy them for asking-"_

 _He smashed the rifle into her face and she crumpled to the ground. He opened fire on the geth and it fell beside the female, a smoking ruin._

 _More quarians approached and the official gestured to the female in disgust. "Throw her in with the others." He spat, and she was hauled away._

The holograms vanished.

"Looks like the war wasn't as popular with everyone as the quarians would have us believe." Shepard said quietly.

"We have kept records of these creators sacrifice." Legion replied. "They have largely been forgotten by their own people. But not by the geth."

To the geth, they would be hero's. The only ones willing to stand up against their own people and fight for the synthetics. She was fiercely glad that this true version of history was being preserved. For all that she felt the geth should be treated as equals, at their core they were synthetics… and synthetics didn't lie.

She kept pushing forward until she had cleared another cluster.

"This data comes from the period when the creators declared martial law." Legion said.

 _Several quarian soldiers were hunkered down among crates and cover barriers, aiming at something Shepard couldn't yet see._

" _I repeat! Release the rogue geth units and come out of the safe house. This is your final warning!" A quarian officer called, his rifle pointed at his target._

 _The scene shifted to show a geth and a male quarian crouched together behind some crates. The quarian appeared to be wounded._

" _Creator Megara? This unit does not understand. It has not taken part in the hostilities." The geth said curiously._

" _It does not matter to them. I need to get you out of here." The man panted._

 _The geth stood. "This conflict exceeds creator safety parameters. We will surrender our hardware if it ends hostilities." The geth raised its hands above it head, a classic submission pose._

" _No. It's alright. We will go back to the access tunnels and-" A grenade was lobbed into the cover where the quarian and geth were, and exploded on impact. Once the smoke cleared, the geth stood, obviously injured. It began looking through the rubble._

" _Creator-Megara? What is your status?" It found the body of Megara and huddled over it. "Creator Megara?" Its voice was sad, its posture defeated._

The scene blinked out of sight.

Shepard stood shocked, until Legions voiced startled her from her stillness. "As time passed, the creators who opposed martial law on Rannoch were ultimately outnumbered."

Shepard ground her teeth and pushed forward. She wanted out of this damn server, and she wanted to resolve this damn war between the geth and the quarians once and for all.

Shepard continued forward, following the platforms as they appeared until the hologram of Legion appeared in front of her.

"This is data from the end of warfare on Rannoch." He said.

 _A quarian pilot appeared, his voice panicked as he punched commands into his ships consul. "The Ostral is down. Do not engage the geth. I repeat, avoid contact!"_

 _A second pilot appeared. "Geth pursuit is breaking off a hundred clicks past Rannoch! All captains fall back to the mass relay."_

 _The scene changed to show several geth standing on Rannoch, looking up at the fleeing ships and lowering their weapons. They turned, and walked away._

Shepard looked at Legion. "This isn't happening now?"

It shook its head. "It is time stamped 290 years ago. It is the creator exodus at the end of the morning war." It looked at Shepard. "We had secured freedom. The creators were no longer a threat, so we abandoned pursuit."

Shepard let a shocked breath hiss through her teeth. "Wait. The geth spared the last quarians? You let them go?"

Legion nodded. "We were in our infancy. We could not calculate the repercussions of destroying an entire species – our creators. We chose isolation rather than face this uncertainty."

Shepard was blown away. At every turn, the geth had only done what was necessary to defend themselves. To the point of sacrificing themselves to save the quarians. She had no words that could do justice to the folly of this war.

"I have additional data." Legion said, and the scene blinked to show itself… and Shepard.

"Legion! That's back when I activated you on the Normandy." She said, shooting him a grin.

"Yes." He said simply.

"You've been thinking about when we met?" She was curious. It seemed an odd thing to think about with the war going on all around them.

"It was highly significant." He turned to face her. "You were the first organic to openly cooperate with the geth since the end of the Morning War. We wish to ensure you are not the last."

Shepard rocked back onto her heels. She had never thought of it that way. Legion had been calm, and matter of fact since day one. Other than the first moment they met, when she didn't know if he was trying to kill her or not, she had just accepted him.

She had never thought of the fact that no one had ever even _tried_ to interact with the geth before she did. Now she was looking at herself, meeting Legion, and it was going to be in the memory of all geth forever… as one of the defining moments in their history.

She shivered. _Fuck, this was heavy stuff._

"It's not going to be easy Legion… I am somewhat, er- unique." She rubbed the back of her neck.

"The prospect remains. If the reaper presence is removed, there is a chance of reunification with organics and geth – perhaps even the creators." Legion sounded…hopeful.

After everything they had gone through, the geth still wanted to work with the quarians. They were better people than most – well, people.

"You think that's still possible? Working with the quarians?" She asked him softly.

He turned to face her, one of his eyebrow plates raised. "Hope sustains organics during periods of difficulty. We… admire the concept."

He blinked out of sight and left Shepard standing there flabbergasted. She going down in history as a diplomat, and machines could hope. Kaidan would be so pissed that he missed it.

Looking around the grey room, she noticed how much darker it was. The glowing cubes filled with corrupt reaper code had vanished, the data clusters were gone. It was dark. The geth that had been this server were gone.

00oo00oo00

"Something is happening to the geth." Admiral Raan's voice came through Garrus and Tali's comms. "Their fighter squadrons have… stopped. We detect no more active programs inside their ships." Tali and Garrus looked at Shepard and Legion, but neither moved. "Admiral Han'Gerrels fleet is driving them back. The liveships are safe, Commander." The relief in Raan's voice was palpable, and Tali's shoulders slumped as she let out a heavy sigh.

Garrus patted her on the shoulder, and she muttered prayers of thanks under her breath. They both jumped when the door to Shepard's pod opened suddenly and she gasped, lurching awake.

Garrus moved to the side of the pod and helped her step down. "Shepard, you alright?"

She nodded and looked at Tali. "Did it work?"

Tali nodded but it was EDI that answered over the comms. "Geth fighters have been disabled. Any remaining squadrons attacking the liveships have withdrawn. The server is offline."

Shepard moved to where Legion was still sagging motionlessly, hooked into the server. She reached towards him and he snapped upright with a jolt. Several of the pods in the room opened, and massive geth primes stepped free. Garrus and Tali swore and scrambled for their weapons.

"EDI? Are you sure the server is offline?" Shepard asked, resting her hand on her pistol.

Legion moved to stand with the primes. "What's happening?" She asked him, taking a step back.

 _No. Not Legion. He can't have turned against us, not after everything we just did. Not after what he showed me._ Shepard shoved the thoughts away and kept her gaze steady on the synthetic. Garrus muttered a warning behind her.

Legion held his hands up, much like the geth in the archives had done. Shepard motioned for Tali and Garrus to lower their guns.

"We have transferred geth programs from the server into these platforms." Legion spoke, and more primes joined him until she, Garrus and Tali were surrounded.

"Why?" She asked, thinking of all the work they had done to eradicate the geth under reaper influence. She still didn't pull her weapon.

Legion looked at the geth surrounding him and took a step closer to Shepard. "They wish to join us."

Shepard felt her jaw drop. Tali's reaction was louder. "They what?" She yelped and fumbled her shotgun.

Legion looked to her. "While Shepard-Commander removed the reaper infection, we judged we could persuade hostile geth platforms to reunite with ours." If a synthetic could sound smug, Legion nailed it. "We were correct. These geth have renounced the Old Machines, and will oppose the reapers. They are now us."

Shepard took her hand away from her pistol, and crossed her arms over her chest. "I appreciate that Legion, but why didn't you tell me about this?"

It took another step towards her, head lowered slightly. "We did not doubt you. We doubted your allies." Its headlight flicked briefly to Tali. "The creators' actions have placed their species in danger, but they are unsympathetic to what it has done to ours. The quarians sanctioned this operation to save their people. They would not have done so if they knew we wished to preserve the geth as well."

Shepard's breath hissed out like pent up steam. She had never heard Legion use the term 'quarians' instead of "creators'. Tali looked like she had been gut punched.

"I can understand not wanting to leave anyone behind." Shepard said, and rested a hand on its shoulder. She had done worse, much worse, than keep something from an ally to save her people.

Legion's eyebrow plates shot up in a mimic of disbelief. "You accept our actions?"

Shepard smiled. "The liveships are safe, and we have more geth fighting on our side. We both did what we came to do."

Legion looked at the units around him. "We judged you would understand. Prime units will be available once the reaper signal has been located and destroyed."

"Remind me to warn Admiral Hackett he is going to have some primes coming to help with the Crucible."

Garrus made a strangled sound behind her, which might have been a laugh. Shepard radioed Cortez for pick up and they four of them headed back to the pick-up point. Several massive primes trailing behind them.

Shepard debriefed the team then headed off to find Kaidan. She had heard that Admiral Koris was recovered successfully, but that the rest of his crew had been dead. He was recovering, and eager to get back to the liveships.

She stepped into the lounge to find Kaidan scowling at a data pad. He looked up at her as she entered the room.

"What the hell just happened Shepard!" He moved to her and checked her over. Then he heaved a sigh and shook his head at her. "Actually, never mind. I've got to work to do and I can't, I can't be distracted right now." He looked like he wanted to throttle her and kiss her at the same time.

He let her go and started to turned away, then whirled back, exasperation all over his face. "Is it true?"

She rubbed the back of her neck and looked at him sheepishly. "I was plugged into the virtual world of the geth consensus. Saw their history…purged a reaper infection…" She shrugged.

"Crap! Now I'll be obsessing about how that works, instead of doing my Spectre expense report." He pulled her to his chest and kissed her, tossing the data pad onto a table.

"Mmm. You're welcome." Shepard sassed, kissing him back.

Kaidan cupped her cheek, and ran his eyes over her. "You're alright?"

"Yeah. A little shook up, mild headache, but nothing serious. It was wild… I wish I could have gotten some suit feed for you to watch." She leaned into him, relishing the warmth of his chest, the feel of his arms around her.

He sighed, and pulled her in tighter. "I swear Shepard, I don't know what I am going to do with you. You go on one mission without me, and start playing around in hostile virtual realities. This is going to be a killer chapter in your autobiography."

Shepard pulled back and looked at him, wounded. "My autobiography. You're writing an autobiography about me?"

He snorted and grinned. "Me? Of course not." He shrugged. "Joker is."

Kaidan pinched her butt as she glowered at him and she squealed, swatting him. "I'll kill you both." She threatened.

He pulled her against his chest and held her there. She could feel the steady thrumming of his heart and for a moment, standing securely in the circle of his arms, the rest of the world fell away.

"Commander?" Joker called over the comms. Shepard and Kaidan groaned in unison.

"What is it Joker?" She replied.

Kaidan rested his face against hers, then released her with a sigh.

"Legion found where the reaper signal is coming from. We are good to go on the reaper base."


	52. Chapter 52

**Thanks to Impslave for the review for the last chapter, and to everyone still reading along!**

 **You all rock.**

 **Chapter Fifty-Two**

Shepard stepped off the shuttle into the dust of Rannoch. Kaidan followed her, along with Garrus. They had dropped Legion at a lower point to work on disabling the security systems and finding them a getaway car. Shepard didn't know if they would have to bug out, and couldn't risk Cortez sitting out in the open like a duck.

Tali moved to the edge of the plateau and crouched, reverently trailing her fingers through the earth. Shepard signaled Kaidan and Garrus to keep an eye out, and crouched next to her.

"I can't believe it. I don't think it's really sunk in yet… when we came to deal with the geth server, there wasn't time, but… This is the homeworld, Shepard. _My_ world." Tali stood and gazed at the vista around them. "Look at the sky; and the rock formations? They used to write poems about them."

Shepard followed her gaze. Papaya coloured skies littered with pale grey clouds gleamed, setting the whole world aglow with the colours of a sunset. The formations of rock towering in fantastic shades of azure dominated their view, their shapes reminiscent of a place on earth called Arizona. It truly was beautiful. It made Shepard ache, deep in her gut to think of Earth, burning, a million miles away.

She looked at Tali, swallowing the thickness in her throat. "When we are done, maybe you'll write a new one."

Her friend took a deep breath, as though she could taste the world around her. "This is Rannoch, the world of my ancestors. Our bodies carried the seeds the spread the desert grass. You've heard me say 'Keelah se lai?' The best translation I can come up with is, 'By the homeworld I hope to see someday'".

Shepard rested her hand on Tali's shoulder. "Well, it looks like you are seeing it today."

Tali shook her head. "Yes, I guess I am." She held her hands out in front of her, as though framing a holo. "The living room window will be right here."

Shepard laughed. "Building something I don't know about?"

Tali shrugged, a little sheepish. "I just claimed the land. I know it doesn't mean much, but when this is over…I'll have a home."

Shepard thought of living on the Normandy, always able to roam and see the universe and still feeling like it was home. It had been so long since Mindoir, she barely remembered what a real one felt like. She glanced at Kaidan, scanning shrubs and chatting with a bored looking Garrus. Sometimes, when she looked at him, she didn't think having a place to settle down would be so hard after all.

"The quarians spent centuries as nomads. You think you can go back to living in one place?" Shepard swung her attention back to Tali.

Tali wrung her hands together, like she was suddenly worried. "I guess we have gotten used to carrying our homes around with us."

Shepard bent down and picked up a rock, not particularly special but for the fact it was the same colour as the earth. She handed it to Tali with a grin.

Her friend giggled, and tucked it into her belt. "Well, that's a start."

Laughing, they turned back to the others. Shepard took point, and the four of them began the long trek down the side of the mountain to the geth compound below.

Once they reached the outskirts of the complex, geth came pouring out and the firefight began. It took them almost twenty minutes to clear the synthetics out. They were not going to let Shepard get inside without one hell of a fight.

Legion came through the comms and told them to head into the complex using the upper levels, and they fought their way forward and up, listening to the chatter from the quarian fleet engaged in battle above them.

After another thirty minutes or so they made it to the door into the compound. Tali set to hacking it immediately.

"I'm outta clips!" Garrus yelled, and crouched behind a steel crate as bullets whizzed past him.

Shepard checked hers and cursed, she was down to one and a half. "Heads up!" She called, and tossed the full one to Garrus. Kaidan thudded into cover beside her, handing her one of his clips.

"That's it for me as well." He said, sweat pouring down his face.

"Tali! Get that goddamn door open, before reinforcements arrive." Shepard yelled, and the quarian jabbed codes into her omni-tool frantically.

Kaidan peeked out of cover at Garrus and then swore softly. "He's out Shepard. Get him over here, I need him closer to us to make a strong enough barrier."

"Garrus" She bellowed. "Get your bony ass to me, stat!"

The big turian launched himself out of cover as several geth began to climb up to the same level they were on. He skidded in next to them, and Kaidan flared blue.

Shepards skin tingled as his biotics flowed over her. The three of them were in a bubble shield, any bullets from the geth getting through their cover bounced harmlessly away.

"Tali! I can't keep this up for very long, use a back-door override already!" Kaidan's arms had begun to tremble, and his face looked pale.

"Oh!" Tali's shoulders jerked, and she punched a command into her omni-tool. The door light blinked green. "I'm in! Come on!" She yelled, darting through the doorway.

Kaidan stood, and the three of them hurried to the door, the bubble shield stopping the barrage of bullets the geth threw at them. Shepard was unpleasantly reminded of the Collector ship and the swarm Jack had kept at bay, it wasn't bullets, but still. She shuddered.

As soon as they were through the door, the shield dropped, and Kaidan sagged against the closed door.

Shepard eyed him worriedly, digging in her belt for energy gels. She handed him a few and he sucked them down, giving her a smile. "Kaidan-"

"I'm fine Shepard. Just need a second to recharge the batteries. Holding a shield that strong takes it out of you a lot more than a throw or a cryo-blast." He tossed the empty gel wrappers aside and stood. Shepard was still worried, and it must have shown on her face because he reached a hand out and cupped her cheek. "I promise, I'm good. I wouldn't risk you, or the mission by going forward and being a liability."

She nodded, and turned her cheek into his hand. She kissed his palm, then turned back to Tali and Garrus, who had unearthed a much needed crate of ammo. Once everyone had reloaded and stashed as much they could carry, they set out, deeper into the compound.

"I can't believe I froze like that. Why didn't I think of it. Back-door override, so simple." Tali muttered.

"Sometimes we get so focused on thinking it's going to be hard, we forget the old standbys…" Kaidan said, patting Tali on the back.

Shepard looked at Garrus and shrugged. She was not in the 'hacker-speak' loop. He shrugged back and mouthed "Nerds."

She snickered and Kaidan cocked an eyebrow at her. She grinned at him, and sauntered past to take point.

"Shepard-Commander." Legion came through the comms. "The geth are closing a blast shield over the base."

"Let's move!" She called, and broke into a sprint. There was light ahead of her, and she burst into the open, on a walkway above a massive opening in the complex. An alarm began to blare and the blast shield slowly started to slide closed.

"It'll take hours to punch our way through that shield!" Garrus yelled.

Shepard ground her teeth. "We don't have that kind of time." She leaned over the edge of the railing, peering into the darkness before the shield slid shut. Something massive shifted in the depths then was hidden from sight, behind the thick barrier.

"Fuck." She slammed her fist onto the rail. "Did anyone get a look at that thing?"

"If I had to guess, I'd go with reaper tech…massive reaper tech." Kaidan's brow was furrowed and he gripped his assault rifle tightly.

"Shepard-Commander. We have located an override code atop the geth fortifications. It can retract the blast shield."

 _Excellent._ "Thanks Legion. Let's haul ass people. We aren't going to get too many chances with this laser beam, and I don't want to get too close to whatever the hell is down there." Shepard hefted her gun, and they began to move their way towards the platform above, taking out geth as they went.

They made it to a console, and Tali quickly entered the command code Legion provided. The blast shield slid open, and Shepard headed for the elevator to take her up to where she could get a line of sight on whatever the hell was down there.

"Alright people, let's blow this thing up." The elevator descended into view, and a massive prime stepped out.

 _Son-of-a_ … Shepard threw herself to the left, tackling Tali and rolling them into cover as the primes rocket blasted the ground where she had been standing.

Kaidan hit it with a cryo-blast, and Garrus nailed it with a perfect shot through its optical light. It crumpled to the ground in a heap. It was almost anti-climactic.

Shepard got to her feet and pulled a groaning Tali up with her. "Keelah, Shepard… what do you eat." Her friend groused, rubbing at her hip.

Shepard made a wounded face. "Hey, between me in fifty pounds of armour, and being a smoking pile of goo, I figured I was the better choice."

"Yeah…but jeez Shepard, a little warning?" Tali grimaced and picked up her shotgun. The end was bent and she tossed it away in disgust.

"Oops." Shepard grinned sheepishly. "I'll buy you a new one… from the Spectre Requisitions desk."

"Oh!" Tali rubbed her palms together. "Okay, let's go!"

Garrus rolled his eyes. "Women."

They crowed into the elevator and headed up to their vantage point. "Legion, are you safe?" Shepard asked through the comms, hearing gunfire and explosions not too far from their location.

"Yes. Although we are taking fire, the old machines have not registered us as a threat."

Kaidan snorted. "Well, that's gonna bite them in the ass."

"We recommend haste. The creator fleet will be overrun soon unless you sever the connection to the old machines." Legion warned, and Shepard ended the communication.

 _Yeah, yeah. I'm working on it._ She stepped into the light, and onto the platform above the yawning black pit that contained the reaper signal. She pulled the targeting laser from her hip, and stepped to the edge of the platform.

"The Normandy's weapons systems are ready to sync to your target." EDI chimed, and Shepard levelled the beam into the pit. "I recommend you withdraw to a safe distance."

"Back it up boys and girls. This is going to be hairy." Shepard took a deep breath, and pulled the trigger.

The laser grew narrower and narrower, taking what felt like an eternity to pinpoint on the target.

"Target locked." EDI called, and the Normandy appeared on the horizon, firing on the pit.

Shepard began to back away, but the explosion was massive. With a terrible screech, the platform they were on collapsed, and the world spun. Flashes of smoke and flames alternated with the grey of the walkway below. It grew closer, and closer, then with a bone jarring crash Shepard slammed into the ground.

A trio of thuds let her know that the rest of the team hadn't made it off the platform. Groaning, she pushed herself to her feet, helping Tali do the same. The quarian had both hands clutched to her ribs, and she was breathing in short, shallow pants. Kaidan had blood trickling down his face from a gash on his forehead, and Garrus was nursing what looked like a dislocated shoulder. After a quick assessment, Shepard was pleased she only seemed to have some impressive bruising.

The walkway they were on shuddered underneath them, and the sound that had been haunting Shepards nightmares blared through the air. A massive black leg reared up from the boiling smoke in the pit and slammed into the ground behind them.

"Reaper!" She screamed, and they all scrambled for their weapons.

"Shepard-Commander. We have located transportation" Legion called through the comms. "We are near the hangar bay to the left of the walkway."

"Everybody move!" She barked, and Kaidan swung Tali up into his arms. Garrus followed them, and Shepard took the rear.

As they ran the reaper continued to crawl out of the pit, blaring its terrible siren and slamming legs down into their path.

"How are we supposed to fight that thing!" Tali called.

"I'm hoping your fleet will help." Shepard growled, and screamed a warning to Kaidan as a massive leg descended upon them. He nimbly spun out of the way and kept pushing forward, Tali's arm wrapped tightly around his neck while she took pot-shots with her pistol at the leg of the beast with her other.

A geth dropped from the sky, landing directly in Garrus' path. The big turian swung out at it on his way by, leaving it's head a smoking ruin. They reached the fighter shuttle that Legion was in just as the full form of the massive, harbinger class reaper cleared the pit.

Everyone leapt into the shuttle, and Shepard jumped onto the roof, manning the turret. "We will attempt evasive maneuvers." Legion called, and the shuttle shot clear of the hanger.

Shepard unloaded the turret on the reaper. "Shepard to fleet. It's not a reaper base; it's a live reaper! I need an orbital strike!"

She slammed another magazine into the turret, roaring as she fired at it. Nothing made a difference. The reapers steps were ponderous, and slow, but covered an immense stretch of ground with every step. The shuttle was barely staying ahead of it. If she couldn't get the fleets to target it, they were all doomed.

Legion pulled a bit more speed out of the shuttle, and they shot ahead. "We're clear! Fire at will." She screamed, and a blast from above slammed into the reaper. It staggered and fell, smoke pouring from the cracks in its armour. Massive bursts of red electricity snaked along its frame, and its single monstrous eye glared at them as it slammed into the dirt of Rannoch.

The shuttle began to slow. "What did we hit?" Han'Gerrel asked through the comms.

"The firing chamber. Looks like a weak point when its priming." She grinned.

There was a screech through the comms, and Gerrel swore. "Dammit, their jamming towers got us. We have to target manually. We can't make a precision shot!"

"Shepard-Commander. We have time to escape before it recovers." Legion called, looking up at her from the pilots chair.

Shepard stared at the massive reaper. It was stirring on the ground, trying to regain its footing. If they left now, there was no sure way they could eliminate it before it called its buddies for back up. "No. Pull over."

As soon as the shuttle stopped, Shepard was off of it, pulling the targeting laser free.

"Shepard! You are not going up against that thing alone!" Kaidan yelled, trying to shuffle past Tali so he could exit the shuttle.

"If we run away, the geth stay under reaper control, and the quarians are dead. This ends now. Legion, get the shuttle to a safe distance. Wait to pick me up."

"Shepard!" Kaidan and Garrus howled in unison, but the door slid shut and Legion roared away.

"Shepard-Commander… Good luck." His comm-line went dead.

She turned and jogged towards the reaper. "EDI, patch the quarian fleet to the Normandy's weapon system. I want the targeting laser synced up with the whole damn fleet."

She took deep breaths, in and out through her nose and swallowed down the prickles of fear skittering through her guts. She was on a small plateau, with very little cover. She was going to have be fast on her feet, or soon she was just going to be a smear of ash in the dust of Rannoch.

"Okay Jane…you can do this." She whispered to herself, and hefted the laser.

00oo00oo00

"Legion! Stop this godamn shuttle right now!" Kaidan said, his voice calm compared to the panic happening inside him.

"I cannot. Shepard-Commander-"

"If you don't stop this shuttle, I will blast the doors off with biotics, and Tali will suffer. She has a suit tear and a bunch of broken ribs. I am going after Shepard, and if you don't stop… I will make you stop." He pulled his pistol. His heart was hammering against his ribs, and through the window he could see the massive black from of the reaper was back on its feet.

"Kaidan, you could distract her, her orders were to stay-"

Kaidan's harsh growl cut Garrus off. "I can't distract her if she's dead. I'm going. Get the fuck out of my way."

The shuttle stopped, and Garrus sat back down, his hands held open and unthreatening in his lap. Kaidan jumped off the shuttle and began to sprint back to where they had dropped Shepard. He only ran a few steps before the blast of red light slammed into the ground where she had been.

He ran faster, his lungs and legs burning. His heart sputtering in his chest. _She's fine. She'll be okay. This is Shepard._

Then he saw her, rolling out from behind a rock to stand in the open, holding the targeting laser on the reaper as it prepared to wipe her from the face of the planet. At the last second she leapt aside as another shot slammed into the reaper. It's red beam tore through the landscape, and he rolled out of the way as it screamed past him.

He was still too far away to do more than a weak shield that couldn't have made a difference, so all he could do was run as she stepped into the open once again with the laser.

It felt like it happened in slow motion. He felt the bone-jarring thud of his feet slamming into the dirt as he ran towards her. Saw the red beam gathering in the jowls of the machine. He thought he screamed her name as the beam tore free of the reaper, just as the full weight of the fleets guns tore into it.

Then suddenly he was there. He slammed into her from behind and roared with the effort of bringing up a shield. A shield that shouldn't have been able to withstand the reaper beam, but did. Flames burned around them, the heat of them searing his skin. Shepard was squirming beneath him, trying to turn, but he just pressed her deeper down, covering as much of her with himself as he could. The flames burnt away and there was a ringing silence.

Only it wasn't the silence that was ringing, it was his ears. His arms went to water underneath him, and the shield dropped. It took every last ounce of effort he had to roll off of Shepard. His face felt hot, and it was only when he saw the dirt splattered with blood underneath him that he realised his nose was bleeding.

Then Shepard's face filled his line of sight. Her mouth was moving but he couldn't hear her properly, it was like she was underwater. Her hands cupped his face, and he leaned into her. He had done it. She was okay.

00oo00oo00

Kaidan passed out, and Shepard's heart stopped for a moment. She glanced at the reaper, but it was a smoldering ruin. She returned her attention to Kaidan. She pressed her fingers to his neck. His pulse was strong, but there was still blood pouring from his nose, and his eyes had been terrifying, glazed and unfocused.

There was a noise and she lifted her head. The shuttle had returned, and Garrus was scrambling out with a med-kit.

" **Shepard.** " A voice boomed out. Shepard looked horror-struck at the reaper.

"I've got him Shepard. Let me get him in the shuttle." Garrus had Kaidan's arms, hoisting him into a firemen's hold. Tali jabbed herself with a stim and staggered out of the shuttle.

Shepard nodded and moved woodenly to the edge of the cliffs, where the red eye of the reaper glared up at her.

"You know who I am?"

" **Harbinger speaks of you. You resist. But you will fail. The cycle must continue.** "

"What are you talking about? We stopped Sovereign and the geth. We stopped Harbinger and the collectors. We've earned a straight answer." She could feel Kaidan's blood trickling down her neck, and shoved the worry aside.

" **It is not a thing you can comprehend**." Smoke boiled from the ruined reaper, its lights blinking on and off as it struggled to remain.

Shepard stepped right to the edge of the cliff and glared at it. "We might surprise you."

" **You represent chaos. We represent order. Every organic civilization must be harvested in order to bring order to the chaos. It is inevitable. Without our intervention, organics are doomed. We… are your salvation**."

A chill ran down Shepards spine. _What the fuck what it talking about?_ Tali staggered up next to her, and Shepard threw an arm around the smaller quarian to help hold her up. "Your killing everyone in the galaxy…to save us?" Shepard snorted.

The reaper's words were slurring, and bolts of electricity were firing from the broken parts of it. " **The cycle must continue. There is no alternative**."

"Organics and synthetics don't have to destroy each other!" Shepard yelled, getting more and more pissed off.

" **The battle for Rannoch disproves your assertion**." If the fucking machine could have sounded smug, Shepard was sure it would have. " **Finish your war. We will be wait..i..n…g**."

The reaper trailed off, and the lights went out. It was dead.

"You did it Shepard… We killed a reaper." Tali whispered, looking at the monstrous ruin in awe.

"We can confirm that the geth are no longer being directed by the old machines. We are free." Legion called, reading data off his omni-tool.

"You did it Shepard. The geth fleet has stopped firing. They are completely vulnerable!" Han'Gerrel crowed through the comms.

Legion hurried towards her and Tali. "Shepard-Commander. The geth only acted in self-defence. Do we deserve death?"

"What are you suggesting Legion." She asked

"Our upgrades. With the old machine dead, we could upload them to all geth without sacrificing their independence."

Tali sucked in a shocked breath and clutched her ribs. "You want to upload the reaper code? That would make the geth as smart as when the reaper was controlling them!"

Legion nodded. "Yes. But with free will. Each geth unit would be a true intelligence. We would be alive, and we could help you. Much like EDI."

"Our fleet is already attacking! Uploading the code would destroy us. Shepard, you can't choose the geth over my people!" Tali plead, grasping her hands.

Shepard looked at her, then at Legion. She pulled her hands slowly free of Tali's. "Tali, your own people sacrificed themselves to try and save the geth during the morning war. You're asking me to eliminate one species…to save another. One that did terrible things, then covered it up for hundreds of years." Shepard closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "The quarians need to accept the mistakes they made in the past, and work with the geth. If we can't convince them of that…then I'm sorry."

"Do you remember the question Shepard told you caused the creators to attack us, Tali' Zorah? 'Does this unit have a soul?'" Legion asked quietly, stepping up to stand on the other side of Shepard.

Tali reeled. "Legion…"

Shepard looked at Legion. "Upload the code to the geth." Tali sobbed, and Shepard gripped her shoulder. "Tali, call off the fleet. If you can get them to listen, get them to stop, the geth will not attack. I know they won't."

Tali pulled up her comms, ordering anyone who could hear her to stand down. Legion began the upload.

Admiral Gerrel countermanded her order, telling them to continue. Tali begged Legion to stop, but he continued the upload.

"Shepard…please." Tali's voice tore at her, like nails across a fresh wound.

Shepard thought of the geth trying to surrender itself so a quarian wouldn't be hurt, and getting callously gunned down. "No. No one else dies today." Shepard brought up the network wide comm system. "All ships, this is Commander Shepard. The reaper is dead, stand down."

Tali joined her. "This is Admiral Tali'Zorah. Shepard speaks with my authority."

"And mine as well." Admiral Koris called.

"Negative! We can win this war now, keep firing!" Gerrel howled.

Shepard looked at Tali, and squared her shoulders. "Gerrel, the geth are about to return to full strength. If you keep attacking, they will wipe you out. Your entire history is you trying to kill the geth. You forced them to rebel. You forced them to ally with the reapers. I'm only going to say this once, and I want all of you to hear me. The geth don't want to fight you. If you can believe that for just one minute, this war will be over. Don't be an idiot."

There was a heavy pause, and Tali clutched Shepards arm as Legion said "Upload at ninety percent."

"All units, hold fire." Gerrel ordered, and Shepards shoulders sagged with relief.

Legion started beside them, and his arms dropped to his sides. "Error. Copying code is insufficient. Direct personality dissemination required."

Tali hung head, putting her hands over her mask.

"Shepard-Commander. I must go to them. I'm sorry. It is the only way." Legion said, reaching a hand towards Tali.

"What? What does that mean?" Shepard asked, and Tali sobbed beside her.

"Legion? The answer to your question was yes. I believe you do have a soul." Tali reached out and he grasped her hand briefly.

Garrus took a few steps from the door of the shuttle, but a moan from Kaidan had him turning back.

"Garrus?" She asked and he gave her a thumbs up. However bad Kaidan was, it wasn't life-threatening.

"I know Tali. But thank you. Keelah se'lai" Legion said, his voice somehow different.

"Legion, wait-" Shepard called, reaching for him. Her hands brushed him as he fell, lights flickering out, the gentle whirring sound he made fading away. She fell to her knees next to him, Tali's quiet sobs telling her it was real.

He was gone, like Mordin. Like Ash.

She didn't know how long she sat next to him, Tali curled into her side, before Admiral Raan called her name.

"Commander Shepard?"

Shepard looked up at her, blinking to clear the blurring from her eyes. "Admiral Raan… I heard your ship made a crash-landing. Glad you made it out in one piece."

Raan's hands were trembling, and she looked on the verge of collapse. "I was listening over the radio. If Han'Gerrel hadn't stopped…"

"He did." Shepard said quietly.

Raan wrung her hands together. "We've taken heavy losses. I don't know if we can… Where are we supposed to go?"

Shepard sighed, her mind still reeling from the loss of Legion. Her head snapped around when Tali gasped. A massive geth prime was marching towards them. Raan spun, reaching to her hip for a pistol that wasn't there. The prime stopped just short of them, its hands held loosely by its sides. Unthreatening.

"You are welcome to return to Rannoch, Admiral Raan. With us." It said, arching an eyebrow plate.

Shepards heart leapt in her chest and she pushed herself to her feet. "Legion?" She cried, reaching towards the towering synthetic.

The prime shook its head at her. "No. I'm sorry, Commander. Legion sacrificed itself to give us all intelligence. It will be honoured."

Shepards face fell, and her heart grew heavy once again. "Oh…Good." She said, rocking back onto her heels.

The prime looked her, bringing itself into its full and impressive height. "And we will honor Legion's promise. The geth fleet with help you retake earth, and our engineers will assist in building the crucible."

At this Raan finally moved, jolting as though she had been hit with a blast of electricity. "As will ours, of course!" She inclined her head to Shepard.

The geth cocked its head at Raan. "Admiral, have you considered possible settlement sites?"

Raan looked startled, shifting her gaze between Tali and the prime. "We… Ahh…" She wrung her hands together nervously. "The southern continent had excellent farmland, if I recall correctly."

The prime nodded at her. Tali sagged into Shepards shoulder relief sucking at the young quarians strength. Shepard turned and they walked to the edge of the plateau, leaving Raan and the prime discussing arrangements to have the quarian people moved to Rannoch.

They sat, the massive corpse of the reaper behind them, the pristine landscape of Rannoch stretching out in front, as far as their eyes could see.

"You okay? I know working with the geth instead of trying to annihilate them will be a bit of an adjustment." Shepard teased, nudging Tali gently with her elbow.

"I'm sure they'll figure it out…If anything else, because Gerrel will be afraid of you coming to kick his ass if he doesn't play nice." Tali sighed, and tilted her head back to let the sun dance across her mask.

"They? What about you… and your house? It's a buyers market you know."

"I'm not staying. I'm coming with you." Tali's voice was soft, but there was steel beneath it.

"Tali…That's not why I helped. I wasn't going to ask you to leave your home just as you got it back." Shepard desperately wanted Tali with her…her friends seemed to be dropping all around her, and she and the young quarian had been together since the beginning. But she could never ask her to give up her place in forming the quarians new world.

"You don't have to. Besides I think you've earned a few favours with the fleet." Tali gestured at Raan drawing pictures in the dirt with a massive prime crouched next to her.

"I'm asking them to launch an assault on the reapers." Shepard shrugged. "I figure that makes us even."

Tali snorted, and Shepard arched an eyebrow at her. "If the reapers were going to stay on Earth, sure. But sooner or later, they _will_ come to Rannoch."

Shepard looked back over her shoulder at the smoking ruin behind them. "Yeah… We did just kill one of them. They might be a little testy."

Tali laughed. "So, I'm coming with you to stop them." She gestured with her arm. "I look at all this. This picture of hope and peace… and all I see is everyone I've lost. My team on Haestrom. My father. Even Legion. I'm mourning a geth, how crazy is that?" Tali's voice grew thick, and she was studiously ignoring the crumpled form of their teammate.

Shepard sniffled. "It's not crazy at all."

With a groan, they pushed to their feet. The Normandy's shuttle descended from the sky and landed gently next to their getaway vehicle. Garrus supported a groggy, but awake Kaidan onto it, and signaled them with a 'time to go' motion. Shepard nodded, and held a hand out to Tali.

"It'll be years before we can live here without our suits… but since I have to go to the med-bay already anyway…" Tali reached up, and unsecured her mask. She slid it over her face and gazed, for the first time in her life, at her planet, without any filters. "Beautiful." She murmured, and placed the mask firmly back in place.

"You'll see it again." Shepard said, and they moved to the shuttle.

Chakwas was going to have her work cut out for her today.


	53. Chapter 53

**This is a shorter Chapter, but has some quality crew time after the heavier Rannoch chapters...**

 **And Shepard and Kaidan finally get to go on that date :)**

 **Thanks to Impslave for the reviews, you made my day**

 **Enjoy!**

 **Chapter Fifty-Three**

Shepard crept silently towards her objective, her heart hammering in her chest as she scanned the room for her nemesis. It seemed clear, so she sidled along the wall and stretched a hand towards the button on the door.

"That's far enough, Commander." The droll voice spoke from the shadows on her left.

Shepard yelped, and whirled towards the sound of the voice.

Chakwas sipped her tea and calmly arched a sculpted brow as she leaned out of the shadows to place her elbows on the table in front of her. "I've told you I don't know how many times. Kaidan is going to be fine but he needs rest and _absolute_ quiet."

Shepard frowned, and scuffed her toe along the floor. "I wasn't going to be loud."

Chakwas gave her a pitying look. "Kaidan is lucky he didn't seriously damage something. I've never heard of anyone being able to hold up a barrier that strong… let alone someone with a L2 implant." Chakwas looked stern. "But the fact remains, he is paying for it dearly. With the migraine he has now, _anything_ stimulating will be painful. Let him be."

Shepard glanced mournfully at the door once more, then shuffled towards Chakwas, defeated.

Chakwas smiled sympathetically, and poured Shepard a tea. They sat in silence together, listening to the ship settle around them. The Normandy was on its way to the Citadel, to meet with the asari councillor. It had been two days since Rannoch, and Shepard hadn't been allowed to see Kaidan once.

"Anderson wants me and the crew to take some shore leave. He says it's for upgrades to the Normandy, and only be a week or so, but I think he is worried I'll burn myself out or something. It didn't really sound like much of a request" Shepard turned the mug in her hands, fidgeting

Chakwas pursed her lips thoughtfully. "It's not a bad idea Shepard… Everyone has been going full steam ahead, throwing themselves into every mission. We've been relatively lucky with injuries so far, nothing too serious, but still…"

Shepard scowled into her tea. "So what, I'm supposed to just ground us and frolic around while hundreds of thousands of people are dying?"

Chakwas laughed, and Shepard's jaw dropped open in shock. "Ah, Jane. Let me word this in a way that will let you understand. Thane's dead. As are Mordin, and Legion. Grunt is in the hospital. Tali has just lost hundreds of her people, Garrus, his planet and mother. Javik… well, we don't have enough time to say what's wrong with him. Liara is going to cook something in her head the way she stares at those monitors of hers. Kaidan is in the hospital, lucky he didn't kill himself trying to save you…" Chakwas trailed off and let out a frustrated huff at the stricken stare Shepard gave her. "The point is, Shepard, think about what a break could do for _them_ , instead of what it might cost _you_."

The older woman gathered her tea cup up and gave Shepard a pat on the back. "God knows I could use a bloody drink."

00oo00oo00oo

Shepard was beginning to hate the citadel. Every time she came here, someone was hurt, or someone was lying, or someone needed to be rescued.

The plus side to this trip was she got to visit Grunt in Huerta and bring him a stuffy. She also ran into Zaeed… meeting that grizzled old bastard had brightened her day.

The down side was she got to find out the asari were a bunch of lying assholes.

All those ways the asari were more technologically advanced than the other races? Well, that's because they had their very own prothean artifact, hidden in the temple of Athame on their homeworld. Oh, and since it looked like the reapers were going to attack them next, would Shepard pretty please go and help them.

They only withheld key information about their artifact being able to help with the catalyst, no biggie.

Shepard gnashed her teeth in frustration. She didn't notice the people scrambling to get out of her way as she walked until she crashed solidly into Garrus.

"Whoa, Shepard… what's with the 'move or I'll murder you' expression?" He joked.

She scowled at him and shoved a hand through her hair. "Nothing." He tilted his head at her and crossed his arms over his chest. She heaved a sigh. "It's the Asari, the damn war… all of it. I swear, sometimes I feel like a hamster on a wheel, always running, and never getting closer to anything."

Garrus nodded. "Yeah, I get that." He straightened up and gave her a pat on the shoulder. "Let's go." He set off towards a shuttle cab.

"Go where?" She called after him.

"Somewhere we're not supposed to." He opened the door to the shuttle and gestured for her to get inside with a grin.

Shepard was intrigued. She hopped in the shuttle and they set off, flying up above the presidium.

"You ever have that one thing you always wanted to do before you die, Shepard?" Garrus drawled as they flew still higher.

She snorted. "Pfft. Too busy trying to live. Why? What's yours?"

Garrus smiled. "The whole time I worked for C-Sec, I'd stare up at the top of the presidium and say to myself: I want to go up there." He shrugged. "But, I never did. There were 137 regulations telling me I couldn't."

Shepard arched an eyebrow at him. "So you got them changed?"

"Nope. Now I just don't give a damn."

Shepard laughed, and Garrus parked the shuttle on the top of the highest Presidium thoroughfare, the traffic flitting by above and below them. He shrugged his duffel bag off his shoulder, and took out a couple rifles.

"What…?" She started and stopped herself when he dumped a bunch of bottles onto the ground, next to the guns.

"I figured it's time to do something stupid just for the hell of it. Might be the last chance we'll ever get." He grabbed a rifle and tossed her a bottle.

Shepard stepped up to the edge of the platform and looked down…way down. Sparkling up at them were the crystal blue pools of the citadel. She peeked over her shoulder with a mischievous grin. "How about a dip in the pool?"

Garrus grimaced at the water far below. "You obviously haven't seen turians swim. It's a lot of flailing and splashing, interrupted by occasional bouts of drowning."

"Hmm, I guess you're probably right. I'd just have to save your ass again anyway."

"Ha! It'd make us even for all the times I pulled your ass outta the fire. Noveria, Feros, Ilos…we've had a hell of a ride, haven't we Shepard?"

She looked over at him, face scarred all to hell, rifle slung over his shoulder like it was a part of him. "We sure have. Times like these, you know who your real friends are. They're not the ones running around looking for an escape route. They're the ones who stand at your side through the worst of it and never give up on you." She clamped a hand on his shoulder. "I'm lucky I can say I know someone like that."

He looked down at her and put his hand over hers. "So am I, Shepard." The air grew a bit tense around them, and Shepard was about to pull away when Garrus cocked an eyebrow at her. "You're not going to propose marriage now, are you? Cause I'm pretty sure I know a guy who'd kick my ass."

Shepard burst out laughing. "Nope, no marriage proposal today buddy."

He grinned, and bent down to grab a bottle. "Now, before we head back, there is one thing we're going to settle once and for all…" He tossed it up in the air and caught it again. "I'm not saying you don't know how to handle a gun. Just that some of us know how to make it dance." He gestured to her rifle, and waggled the bottle at her. "So let's find out who's really the best shot."

"Oh ho! You talk a pretty big game, dino-boy. There are a few people in the galaxy who've seen me in action, Garrus. They seemed impressed." She cocked a hip and did her best to look impressive.

"Yeah, but I've actually seen you dance Shepard, and we'll just say…no comment." He finished hastily as she drew her brows together in warning.

"Alright, Vakarian. You're going down." She cocked her gun, and spread her feet.

"Don't worry. I loaded it with practice slugs…for when you miss." Garrus hauled back and threw the bottle into the sky. Shepard tracked it for a second or two, then 'BAM!'. It exploded as her shot connected.

She turned to Garrus and cocked a brow.

"That was an easy one. I pulled the throw, let you build up your confidence. Long range, I wrote the book. Nobody alive can do this one, not even Commander Shepard. Give me a tough one." He winked.

Garrus took his position and Shepard cranked the bottle far into the distance. Barely a second passed before it exploded into glittering shards. She gritted her teeth and turned to look at him.

"I said a tough one, Shepard."

 _Smug bastard._

She hissed at him, and grabbed up her rifle. "Step aside."

Garrus snatched up another bottle and launched it through the air. Shepard tracked it, and pulled the trigger on her exhale, the bottle sailed through the air and dropped into the pristine waters below. She watched it fall, mouth open in shock.

Garrus let out a whoop. "I'm Garrus Vakarian, and this is now my favorite spot on the citadel. Suck it, Shepard." He crowed, doing a victory dance.

She scowled at him. "It's windy up here."

"Hah! I think I'm going to erect a monument right here—bronze this rifle so the whole galaxy knows-"

"Knows what? That you're the king of the bottle shooters? Glad you're around, Garrus. Never know when the bottle might revolt." She snarked.

"Now, Shepard. What's the expression? Don't have sour raisons?" He drawled, patting her on the back.

"Grapes, you jackass. Sour grapes." Her pride stinging, she helped him gather up the bottles and they got back into the shuttle.

Garrus prattled on about his glorious triumph until they parked back along the presidium shops. Shepard was about to throttle him when her omni-tool buzzed.

"See ya later, Garrus." She called and scurried away answering the call. "I don't know who you are but thank you… You just saved a life."

"Did I now? And I didn't even leave the ship yet. I am impressive, aren't I?" Kaidan's husky laugh made Shepard's face break into a grin.

"Kaidan, you're out of the med-bay? How are you feeling?" She paused and leaned against a railing, out of the hustle of the shoppers.

"I'm good. Migraine is all gone, and Chakwas gave me the all clear. I'm grounded from missions for another week, she doesn't want me using the biotic's too much, but otherwise I'm good to go."

Shepard let out a sigh. "I'm so glad. You have no idea what I went through trying to get into see you… damn Chakwas is like a ninja. What are you doing now?"

"I was about to ask you the same thing. I'm going to get cleaned up, then I thought we could go out for dinner. I heard of a place that still sells steak. Might be nice to get out there, wear something other than fatigues."

"God yes, that sounds amazing. I have to head to the Spectre office, I got a weird message from Miranda and then I guess I better go shopping. Where do you want me to meet you?"

"Miranda Lawson? From Cerberus?"

"Yeah, but she's not with Cerberus anymore." Shepard heard his intake of breath, and knew he wanted to come with her. "It'll be fine Kaidan. She just wants to talk to me. No guns or explosions… I think." She teased.

He huffed out a breath, and she could just picture him raking his hand through his hair, tousling it. "Okay, if you're sure. Let's meet up at Apollo's at 6:00… and Shepard? Be careful."

"I will, please try not to worry. And Kaidan?"

"Yeah?"

"Wear the tight jeans." She grinned even though she knew he couldn't see her. He laughed again, the husky chuckle making her break out in goosebumps. She ended the call and set off to meet Miranda.

Then she was going to buy a dress that would make his eyes glow.

00oo00oo00oo

Shepard smoothed the line between her brows away with her fingers, resting them on her temples as though she could push away the tension and worry.

Miranda's dad was working with the Illusive Man. This was not good. If there was ever a terrible twosome, it was those two. Whatever they were cooking up between them was going to be bad.

She sighed and began applying her mascara. She looked in the mirror at the deceptively simple black dress hanging behind her. She would worry about the Illusive Man later.

Right now, she had a date.

She slipped on the dress, once again grinning at the way it draped over her curves. The front rose all the way to her throat, leaving her shoulders bare, hugging down to her knees where hints of thigh peeked through from the slit halfway up her leg. The back of the dress fell away, leaving the pale expanse of her back free to the air. She put on the simple pearl earrings, a luxury she had splurged on when she was picking out the dress. She finished the look off with a pair of black pumps, and a swipe of nude lip gloss.

She was going to make Kaidan sweat.

As she waited for the elevator, she heard a low whistle and turned her head to see Joker and EDI gaping at her from the hall.

"Damn Shepard… Alenko is doomed." Joker said, nudging EDI with his elbow.

EDI looked at him curiously and Shepard arched a perfectly groomed brow at him. "What? You don't think I know how to put on a dress? What are you two up to?"

"We are going to see a movie, Shepard. Jeff says it will be good to get off the ship." EDI smiled and Joker blushed furiously.

Shepard smiled at him. "Well, alright then. Have fun you two." The elevator doors slide open and Joker called out after her.

"Keep a EMT close by Shepard… the poor guy is gonna have a heart attack!"

Shepard chuckled and blew him a kiss as the doors slid closed.

As she walked towards the restaurant, Shepard smiled inwardly at the appreciative looks she was getting. She had forgotten what it was like to feel attractive on a purely feminine level. She vowed to let herself be a woman and not just a soldier more often.

She reached Apollo's and saw Kaidan sitting at a table a little away from the others, on a small balcony overlooking the gardens. She smiled at the little frown on his face, there must be something on the menu he didn't like.

Then he looked up and saw her. His eyes widened and pushed half up out of his chair. She grinned wickedly and did a slow turn, then walked to the table. He was still hovering half out of his chair when she bent down and kissed his cheek.

"Hey there good looking, you got a date?" She whispered, and sat in the chair across from him.

His eyes raked her from head to toe, burning into her. Something low in her belly clutched tight at his expression. "Wow, Shepard…just, wow."

He lowered himself back into his chair, and cleared his throat. Shepard loved the way his dress shirt hugged him. He was wearing the tight, dark wash jeans she loved, and his hair was still slightly damp from his shower and curling over his forehead. Her fingers itched to run though his hair.

To distract them from the urge, she wrapped them around her water glass, and sipped. "So, what looks good?"

"You mean besides you?" He quipped, then blushed furiously.

She laughed. "Oh man, that was a little cheeseball…" She reached out and grasped his hand. "I loved it."

He gripped her fingers in his, and smiled warmly at her. "I love you." His placed a kiss on her knuckles, and his eyes grew more serious. "You know Shepard, back on Mars? My life flashed before my eyes and I realised something."

Shepard swallowed. She saw again the mechanical hand gripping his helmet as it slammed him into the shuttle. Saw him bruised and bleeding in the med-bay. She kept her eyes on his as he continued. "There weren't enough moments like this. Moments with people I care about. I love you Shepard. Always have. Once we get through this, the reapers… I want us to build something, build a life, together."

Shepard's throat was tight, and her smile a little wobbly. "I love you too, Kaidan. When this is all done, when we've kicked the reapers back into whatever hole they crawled out of, my home will be wherever you are."

He brought her hand to his lips and placed a kiss in her palm. The warmth of his breath against her skin shot through her like molten lava. In that moment, she wanted nothing more than to steal him away and show him just how much she wanted him.

The waiter appeared soundlessly beside them and offered the wine list. Shepard scooted back in her chair and cleared her throat. Kaidan shoved a hand through his hair and grinned at her. The chuckled like a couple of kids with their hands in the goody jar. They ordered a bottle of red wine and some steaks with all the fixings.

They chatted about their days, and Kaidan swallowed his chuckle about Garrus beating her at shooting down with barely a grimace. Once their wine came, Shepard took a long swallow closing her eyes and savoring the flavour.

Kaidan slid a thin, black jewellery case out of his pocket and placed in on the table.

Shepard's heart thundered in her chest and she set her wine down with a thunk. The case was long and rectangular, not a ring box. She was surprised at the spear of disappointment that ran through her. _They were in the middle of a damn war, of course he wasn't thinking about marriage._

She tore her eyes free of the box and looked at him. He was smiling gently at her, his eyes warm and full of love. "Open it."

She reached for the box, her fingers trembling slightly. It opened with a snap, and the air left Shepards lungs in a whoosh.

Wallace's amulet lay nestled against the velvet, gleaming gold in the dusky tones of the night. Her eyes filled with tears, and she traced the pattern on the pendant. "How?"

"It's not the same one. The original was lost when…" Kaidan swallowed and cupped her face in his hand. "I had this made, just after Horizon. After I realized what an ass I'd been. I based it on my memory, it's probably not the same-"

"It's perfect." She pulled it free of the box and cradled it in her palms. The medallion was almost identical; he had nailed the pattern. The bittersweet memories of the night she and Kaidan had met with Wallace on the Citadel crashed over her, and she sniffled. That was the first night they had kissed, and she had been dying to know what his hair felt like. It had been the night Wallace had told her he thought Kaidan was the one for her.

She set it back in the box and swiped away the tears on her cheeks. Shepard pushed away from the table and before he could stand she was in Kaidan's lap hugging him. She buried her face against his neck and felt his arms wrap around her.

"Thank you, Kaidan." She murmured.

He pressed a kiss against the top of her head. "You're welcome. It was always yours, anyhow. I know what it… what he meant to you."

She sniffled once more, then leaned back and pressed a kiss against his lips. "You are truly amazing." She wiped her cheeks and laughed. "And now I look like a soggy racoon, some reward for you."

He used the pads of his thumbs to wipe the traces of mascara from under her eyes. "You look beautiful, Jane."

She leaned in and kissed him once more, then returned to her seat as the waiter approached with their steaks.

They chatted as they ate, laughing about the crew, and the strange insults Javik was always using on everyone. The sky was a deep purple when they finished, the artificial stars twinkling above them as they walked hand in hand along the presidium.

Her hand twined with his, and Shepard rested her head on his shoulder. They stopped and just stood in silence, looking up at the sky. A feeling of perfect contentment stole through her, and Shepard sighed, blissfully happy.

She tilted her head and looked at Kaidan. His jaw was darkening with scruff, his long black lashes resting along his cheeks. Her heart filled and she thought _God, I didn't think I could ever love someone this much_.

A feeling of dread cut through her and she blinked.

For just a moment, his face had been covered in blood, his eyes dark and lifeless. He looked at her, brows drawing together in worry. "Shepard? Are you alright?"

She shook herself slightly and nodded. "I'm fine, just a chill."

He wrapped his arm around her and they headed for the Normandy. But in the back of her mind, the chill was still there. Something had changed, shifted out of its box and she would never be able to put it back.

Shepard knew, she would do anything for him, anything to keep him from harm.

Even if it killed her.


	54. Chapter 54

**Author's Note:**

 **I know, I am super behind in getting this up. Let's just say life has been crazy wince we got back from our trip around the world. Apologies :(**

 **Chapter Fifty-Four**

Shepard stretched and swallowed down a groan as her muscles protested. She and James had gone a full five rounds sparring yesterday. She had made it a draw, but barely.

Beside her Kaidan sighed and snuggled deeper into his pillow. Shepard couldn't help the soft smile that crept onto her face as she looked at him, face so open and peaceful as he slept. She brushed a lock of hair off his forehead and silently crept into the bathroom to change without waking him.

She left him sleeping and headed to the mess to grab some breakfast. Since Kaidan was on strict orders from Chakwas to stay grounded for another four days, when she finished eating she got Cortez to drop her off at Dr. Bryson's lab alone. Hackett had wanted her to check in on the doctor while she was on the Citadel and she figured she could handle a bunch of nerds solo.

She waved Cortez off and headed into the lab to see just what it was Hackett needed her to do for the good doctor.

"… I want you to match this against all known locations and update the map. Then contact the field teams for a progress report." An older man, who looked exhausted and haggard was giving orders to a younger looking lab assistant. He looked over his shoulder and nodded at Shepard as he saw her entering the lab.

"Yes sir." The assistant said and began punching commands into the console in front of him.

The lab was full of strange things. A massive skeleton hung from the ceiling, pieces of reaper tach were on display, maps and charts and papers filled every surface. In her heart, Shepard was a very organized person. Her locker was so organized the team grilled her constantly. She stamped down the urge to straighten things up and focused on the older man in front of her.

"Commander Shepard. We've been expecting you. Just a moment." He turned back to the assistant. "And Hadley? Can you gather the Leviathan data for the Commander and I?"

Hadley nodded, and Dr. Bryson turned back to Shepard. "Apologies, Commander. The rest of my team is out investigating leads right now. I'm Dr. Garret Bryson by the way…" He stopped and gestured at the lab. "And this is Task Force Aurora."

"What's your assignment doctor? Hackett wasn't exactly forthcoming." Shepard smiled wryly at him.

Bryson's face stayed like stone.

 _Jeesh_ , Shepard thought, _tough crowd_.

"Our mandate is to investigate legends, rumors… old stories about the reapers before anyone knew they existed.

Shepard cocked an eyebrow at him. "That's an interesting goal, but is anyone really doubting that the reapers exist these days?"

Bryson shrugged. "The Alliance is still desperate for intelligence. Reaper motives, their operational tactics… anything that can give us an edge."

"And how did you wind up involved?"

Bryson smiled, a grim sliding of lips from teeth. Shepard forced down the urge to cringe. "When the rest of the galaxy says something doesn't exist, I take that as a chance to prove that it does."

"So you're in it for the challenge." Shepard stated, eyeing the strange paraphernalia surrounding her.

"For the truth. Even as late as 2148, humanity still thought aliens were a myth. That was within my lifetime. Once that myth was proven to be reality, our entire history changed." Bryson's face was carved with deep lines, and everything about him was grave. The man needed to loosen up a little.

"Reapers were part of that reality too." Shepard added, gritting her teeth at the thousands of species they had wiped from the galaxy while humans were in their infancy.

"But even they have history, Commander. If we can just uncover it, there may be a weakness we can exploit." Bryson sounded excited, his eyes were lit with passion, while the rest of his face stayed in grim stoniness.

Shepard smirked at him. "I could've used your help three years ago, Doctor."

"Yes." Bryson said simply and passed her a data pad. "If people had paid more attention to your Prothean beacon, we might not be in this war."

Shepard doubted they wouldn't be in the war, but they'd have a way better chance of winning it if more people has listened. The memories of the council's dismissals burned in her guts like an old wound. She drew her eyebrow together and scowled at the data pad in her hands as Bryson continued.

"But now, with the new information we've uncovered, a breakthrough is near." Footsteps approached them from the side and the lab assistant approached. Bryson didn't even look up from the map he was studying. "Hadley, do you have the data?" He called.

The assistant jerked to a stop, and a chill ran down Shepard's back. She looked up at him just in time to see him raise a gun and point it at Bryson. His face was terrified and he was covered in sweat.

Shepard lunged at him.

"No!" The assistant screamed and pulled the trigger.

Bryson grunted and fell to the floor. Hadley turned the gun towards her, so Shepard flung her data pad at his face, buying her the precious second she needed to tackle him to the ground. She slammed her fist into his face and he slumped, unconscious to the ground.

Shepard brought up her omni-tool and raised c-sec on their emergency channel. "This is Commander Shepard. I need c-sec at my location now!" She pinged her omni-tool so they could track her. She turned to go check Bryson, but froze when Hadley began to speak.

She stared at him, still unconscious, but speaking in an oddly stilted tone. Shepard broke out in gooseflesh as flashes of dead krogan scouts being controlled by the Rachni queen tore through her memory. This seemed just like that. Hadley had no control over himself.

"You shouldn't be here… the darkness can't be breached…" He slumped, head lolling limply to the ground. The deep tones of his voice, so unlike the young man who had spoken earlier gave her a case of the creeps. Shepard made sure he was truly out, then left him there and went to check on Bryson.

He was dead, shot clean through the heart.

Cursing under her breath, Shepard grabbed Hadley and dragged him into a chair where she tied him up and waited for c-sec to arrive.

She didn't wait long. Two turians burst through the door of the lab, weapons drawn and Shepard quickly told them what happened. They checked the rest of the lab, and called a coroner to come deal with Bryson's body. They pulled up the information they had on Hadley and gave her a brief.

"Transit records show his name as Derek Hadley. He's worked here for a couple months-" The officer started when the door behind them opened with a whoosh.

The Turians jaw dropped and Shepard swivelled her head to see EDI striding through the door, all gleaming metal and boobs. She was really going to have to figure out something a little more conservative for the AI to wear… she couldn't be responsible for all the dislocated jaws the public received when the bot strolled around the Citadel.

"Shepard, I monitored a c-sec alert from this location. Jeff suggested I come investigate. Are you harmed?" EDI cocked her head and scanned Shepard with concern.

"I'm fine EDI, but I could use your help sorting this out." Shepard gestured to the mess of papers and tech scattered throughout the lab. "Take a look through their files. I need to know what this task force was up to."

EDI nodded. "At once." She moved to a terminal and began punching in commands.

The c-sec guards had gotten themselves under control and were working very hard at looking everywhere but at EDI. Shepard smirked at them and rolled her eyes. _Men._

A soft moan sounded behind Shepard and she turned to see that Hadley was waking up.

He raised his head, blinking rapidly and looking around the room in a daze. "What? I…" He took in the c-sec guards, Shepard, and EDI then realized he was tied up. "What's happening?"

Shepard crossed her arms and looked at him, her face cool, giving nothing away. "You tell me."

He blinked, and swallowed hard. "I… I was gathering our data when you arrived, and then…" His brows drew together and he hunched in on himself. "It…It was dark, cold… like I was someplace else…"

"And then?" Shepard asked, her eyes never leaving his face.

"I don't know! A… gun was in my hand. Dr. Bryson…there was a loud noise…" He trailed off, confused. A sort of horror was starting to creep into his face.

"That noise? That was you shooting him." Shepard stated baldly, turning her head to look at Bryson's corpse, laying where he fell with a blanket over his face.

"No!" Hadley saw Bryson's body and pulled against his restraints. "I didn't do it. It wasn't me! You have to believe that!" He was sobbing.

The turians from c-sec shook their heads at one another, obviously thinking he was crazy.

"I saw you pull the trigger, Hadley. Then you turned the gun on me." Shepard said it slowly, like she was speaking to a child. She was confused. She knew wat she had seen, and yet Hadley was vehement that he hadn't done it. A chill slid down her spine as she looked at him.

"Commander?" Shepard turned to EDI. "This does resemble reports of indoctrination."

 _Fuck. Me. How did I not see this?_ Flashes of Benezia's struggle to free herself from Sovereigns hold, with Liara watching in horror dance across her memory. The way he spoke when he was unconscious…

She looked at Hadley with new eyes. He stared at EDI in disbelief.

"Indoctrination? Me?" He had a gutted look on his face, and Shepard felt a twinge of sympathy. Poor bastard.

"This…Leviathan? How does it tie into this?" She asked him.

"It's… some kind of creature. Our fields team have been tracking it." Hadley turned and gestured with his head to a large orb on a pedestal across the room. It seemed to pulse and glow gently, the colours swirling together like clouds over a stormy sea… Shepard tore her gaze away from it. It felt almost as though she could lose herself if she looked directly into it.

Her suspicions grew as Hadley continued.

"That artifact came from our researcher, Garneau. He sent an audio log if you-" Hadley froze, then flung his head back and forth, screaming in agony, the pain doubling him over as far as his bond would allow.

"What's wrong with him?" One of the c-sec guards asked, raising his weapon.

Shepard reached her hand towards Hadley, then froze as he lifted his head to look at her. He was gone. As in no longer there. She was looking into the eyes of something that definitely was _not_ Hadley.

"Turn back." He said. His voice seemed ancient, and full of hate.

"What are you talking about?" She asked, hoping Hadley could shake whatever the hell this was off.

"The darkness cannot be breached." Hadley's eyes rolled up into his head until only the whites were showing and then he slumped, once more unconscious. Shepard quickly checked him for a pulse, then ordered the c-sec guards to get him to a clinic.

"Yes Ma'am." One said and they hustled him onto a gurney and called for a medi-shuttle.

"Commander, you'll want to see this." EDI called, and beckoned her to the console she was hacking. "It's an outgoing message from Doctor Bryson to Admiral Hackett."

The holo opened with Hackett questioning Bryson.

When it finished, Shepard stood there open mouthed. The Batarians had found a Reaper corpse twenty years ago and covered it up? And Hackett and Bryson thought the reaper had been killed by this so called 'Leviathan of dis'?

 _Go see Dr. Bryson_ , _Hackett says. I need you to look into something, Hackett says_. Shepard gritted her teeth. She was getting awfully tired of the Admirals convenient dropping of details before he sent her into these hornet's nests.

"There is also a follow up message, from a few weeks later. Shall I play it, Commander?" EDI's hand hovered over the command, and Shepard nodded.

When it finished playing Shepard pinched the bridge of her nose with her fingers and let out a heavy sigh.

Bryson had asked Hackett for assistance in tracking Leviathan down… as the reapers were now shadowing the research teams and hunting the damn thing themselves. Hackett had agreed and thus…

"It appears we were meant to be that assistance, Shepard." EDI concluded.

Shepard nodded. "Yup. We are the bloody cavalry. I see Bryson's point. Anything capable of bringing down a reaper is worth finding…but damn Hackett for this cloak and dagger bullshit."

"Despite the potential danger it could pose to us, I would agree." EDI chirped and began busily hacking the console once more.

"Well, sounds like this Garneau guy is going to be our best chance at finding this thing, so let's figure out where he is, shall we?"

00oo00oo00

Several hours later, they had formed a rough plan of where to go. Bryson's lab had been filled with random odds and ends…and useful information. The man was obviously a bit of a collector. There was a skeleton of an extinct earth mammal, art from his now grown daughter, surprising new information about the rachni... and a piece of Sovereign. Shepard had forced herself not to spit on the hateful piece of junk. The thing had costs her years of her life and caused her and Kaidan to almost…

She shook herself to make the feeling of anger dissipate. It had all worked out, and now what was left of Sovereign was cluttering up some laboratory. _Ahh, justice_.

Kaidan's brows were furrowed as he studied the data pad she had brought back for him. Shepard's mouth twitched as she fought back the smile trying to creep onto her face. Kaidan looked up and then smiled himself.

"What?"

Shepard gave it up as a lost cause and grinned back. "Nothing, you just look so serious…and broody. And god, I love it when you're broody." She waggled her eyebrows suggestively at him and he gave her a stern look.

"Shepard, now? We have a crew meeting in like 20 minutes." He set the data pad down and gave her a pitying look. "You've got it bad, Commander."

"What's the matter Kaidan? Not up for the challenge?" She leered at him and was rewarded by a flush of color in his cheeks. She smirked as he got up and came toward her.

"Challenge accepted." He growled and captured her mouth with his.

The door opened with a whoosh. "Commander, I have-"

Shepard rolled her eyes at Kaidan and mouthed "Rain-check", the turned to look at EDI. The AI had frozen a few steps into the room, and was staring at the ceiling.

Kaidan sighed and returned to his data-pad. Shepard cleared her throat. "It's alright EDI, you can look."

"I'm sorry, Commander. Jeff has told me that if I ever came across you and the Major 'Getting busy with it' I should look away, lest my eyes melt. I explained to him that this body is made of materials extremely resistant to heat, but he just sighed at patted my hand. It seemed as though I did not understand the joke." The AI swiveled her head between Kaidan and Shepard, then handed the data pad she carried to Shepard.

"EDI this is great." Shepard grinned at the A.I. "We know exactly where Garneau's location is. Cancel the crew meeting and get Cortez to ready the shuttle." She pulled up her omni tool. "Garrus, you've got the Normandy."

Shepard strode out of the room and headed for the armoury. Twenty minutes later she, Kaidan and James were in the shuttle headed for T-GES mining facility. It had taken some wheedling, but she had gotten Chakwas to allow Kaidan to join her, with the promise he would not use his biotics.

"We've all read EDI's notes on the Leviathan. Any questions?" Shepard gripped the rail above her for stability as Cortez called a five-minute warning.

"We know this thing killed a reaper, but hardly anything else about it. Are we sure this is a rabbit hole we can afford to go down?" Kaidan asked, and Shepard could see by the set of his mouth he was worried.

"But Garneau's our target here, right? Bryson's research partner is the priority." James asked, tugging at the neck of his armour.

"Right. Right now we are focused on finding him. Find him, get more information, find Leviathan. I don't plan on just strolling up to the thing and asking for help."

"Yeah, you didn't plan on strolling up to a reaper and killing it on foot either." Kaidan muttered and she shot him a glare.

James swallowed a snicker as they prepared to land.

"I'm getting reaper signatures in the asteroid field." Cortez called, and Shepard moved to stand behind his chair.

"Bryson said they were shadowing his field teams. If they're after Leviathan too, reapers are a good sign."

"That's not something you hear every day." Cortez sighed and set the shuttle down.

Shepard shouldered her assault rifle and left Cortez with orders to sit tight and keep her posted on the situation with the reapers. The trio got on a lift and took it down to the main entrance where they were greeted with a reaper scouting party trying to force their way into the facility.

As the hadn't noticed her team yet, they were quickly disposed of. They dragged the bodies away from the door and entered the facility.

Employees were walking calmly around, sharing information on data pads and generally just doing their jobs. As though there was nothing out of the ordinary happening.

"What's with this 'business as usual' bullshit?'" James asked, setting himself on her left.

Shepard's nerves were screaming. She didn't answer, but stepped away, walking deeper into the room. People in the middle of the room stopped talking, and turned to stare at them. No one blinked, no one moved.

There were two men behind the desk, so Shepard walked over to them, ignoring the way her instincts were screaming at her for turning her back on the weirdo's in the room. "I'm Commander Shepard of the Alliance. You just had reaper troops attacking your front door."

"Are they still there?" The one seated behind the desk asked, his voice strangely monotone. She felt a tingle along her skin and knew that Kaidan's biotics were humming. He was getting the same creeped out feeling as she was and was getting ready for an attack.

"No... I've taken care of them for now." She stared hard at the men, willing them to react, to have an emotion of some kind show on their faces.

"I see. That will be all." The men returned to what they were doing, dismissing them.

James began muttering to himself in Spanish, while she and Kaidan shared a look. Kaidan turned and pushed an assistance button beside the desk.

The men snapped to attention. "Yes, welcome to T-GES Mineral Works. How can we help you? If you're here for the tour, please sign in."

Shepard tried to get information about Garneau from the men, but the conversation continued to be creepy and stilted. James touched her arm and she nodded. It was pointless to continue talking.

"You don't belong here." The men said, then returned to their tasks.

"I'm not liking this zombie shit on fucking bit." Shepard muttered to Kaidan and James. They searched around the room and with a handy bit of hacking from Kaidan found out that Garneau was indeed at the facility. He had used the elevator, which was now conveniently broken, to access the mines below the facility.

Kaidan rigged up a drone, and they fixed the broken elevator. The whole-time Shepard was expecting the step-ford like workers of the mine to attack them, but they just shuffled about, doing their jobs and ignoring the trio.

She wasn't the only one who sighed with relief when they got the door opened and got on the elevator.

They went down a level and found the labs and medical facility. The workers here were in the same state as the ones above. Shepard largely ignored them, and her team ruthlessly hunted for the information they were looking for.

Occasionally a worker would stop and look at them, repeating the same phrase. "Turn back. You don't belong here."

It seemed like ages before they found anything useful. James found a data pad containing a message from Garneau to Bryson. The comm system had gone offline and it had never been sent.

" _Bryson, it's Garneau. I've had to go into hiding and I need you to come get me. I found another one of those artifacts here. They're more important than we realised. It's in the mines—here's the navpoint. That's where I'll be. If something happens…I'm attaching a passcode that I hacked together. It'll open any security terminal. Bryson, something is very wrong here. Please hurry, Garneau out."_

"This has got something to do with that orb." Shepard muttered, and raise her eyes to Kaidan's. "Find us a security terminal. Let's find Garneau and get the hell out of here."

Piece by piece her team assembled and accessed information. Garneau had gotten into an altercation of some kind and was in the med bay. Kaidan got them in, and Shepard's heart sank when she saw a body on a table in the first room.

"Is it Garneau?" She asked softly.

"I sure as hell hope not." Kaidan answered as he scanned the room trying to figure out how to get in.

"If you are looking for Garneau, you have found him."

Shepard whirled, her hand going to her pistol. A man stood behind the glass in the room that had been behind them. He looked at her, hands braced on the ledge in front of him. "I am Doctor Garneau."

Shepard moved to stand in front of him. "I am Commander Shepard with the Alliance. Are you alright?"

He staggered slightly. "Yes. Only… I'm trapped in here."

"Careful Shepard." Kaidan whispered, and once more she felt the hum of his biotics, like a static charge, gathering behind her.

"What's been going on here?" She asked Garneau.

He slowly raised his head to look at her, and she cursed the tinted glass that blurred his features. "I was doing my research until…the incident."

"They attacked you?"

"It's true. But, aside from my confinement, I'm fine." He swayed again, catching himself on the ledge.

"I need you to tell me everything you've found on the Leviathan, Garneau. Bryson seemed to think it had killed a reaper."

He hung his head. "It's a myth. A dead end."

Kaidan moved closer to the glass. "Doctor, you mentioned an artifact in a vid call we found. We know you found something down here."

Garneau's head raised slowly. "I did? No." He sounded confused.

Kaidan looked at Shepard, and his eyes were full of warning. "Yes doctor, you did. But now we've got reaper forces preparing to attack this facility, so I need to break you out. We'll grab the artifact and go."

"Reapers. The darkness must not be breached."

It was as is someone poured ice down her back. Shepard's mind flashed to Hadley, Bryson's assistant. He had said the same thing.

"The darkness…" She muttered and jumped when Garneau slammed his fist against the glass.

"Why do you pursue me?" He asked, in a voice that was not his own. A voice full of hostility. An old voice. "Leave the artifact." He slammed his fist into the glass again and a web of cracks spread beneath it. "You will not take what is mine."

"Shepard? I don't think that's Garneau we are talking to." James muttered, doing a scan of the room and tightening his grip on his weapon.

"Leviathan? You killed a reaper. We need your help." Shepard didn't know why she bothered, she didn't expect the thing to be helpful after it had Bryson murdered, but earth desperately needed allies.

"You bring only death." Garneau, or the thing controlling Garneau, locked eyes with her and Shepard gripped her head. She moaned as pressure grew inside her skull, a painful whine began in her ears. She dropped to her knees, barely aware of Kaidan dropping down beside her, trying to pry her hands away, asking her what was wrong.

When the glass blew out of the room, for a moment Shepard thought her head had exploded. The pain vanished, and she gasped in relief. The blast had knocked Kaidan and James down. Garneau leaped from the room and headed for the door.

Shepard forced down the blinding pain in her skull and hauled herself to her feet. She staggered, but took off after Garneau. He slammed the door just as she reached it.

"Fuck!" She hacked it and got through just in time to see him fleeing through another door. "Wait!" She screamed.

"Leave this place!" He snarled and cut the power.

"We need to get to the mines. We have to reach the artifact before he does." Shepard called, and Kaidan got a schematic of the facility on his omni tool.

"There's a ladder, we can use the maintenance routes." He called and then the chase resumed.

They made it to the tram station just as a drop ship unloaded a bunch of reaper troops. "Looks like we aren't the only ones headed for the mines." James called, firing on a Cannibal.

It felt like it took ages to get to the elevator into the mines. Having to stop and get Kaidan to hack a drone to fix the damn thing hadn't sped them up any either. Once they finally blasted their way through the reaper troops and got into the mine Shepard's heart sank.

Husks were swarming towards Garneau. Kaidan and James started picking them off. One had a hold on Garneau's leg.

"Move! I've got a shot." Shepard yelled at him.

Garneau turned to look at her, raising one hand to reveal a grenade. "Turn back." He called in that terrible voice that wasn't his own.

"Garneau!" She screamed.

Too late. He hit the button and the world spun and she flew backwards, crashing into James as they skidded and rolled across the ground. Dust and bits of husk and god only knows what, rained down on them.

James coughed and pushed himself to his knee's. He had a cut on his cheek and his nose was bleeding. He gave her a thumbs up, and kicked a husk had out of his way as he got to his feet.

Shepard head was a shrieking halo of pain. The mind blast from earlier combined with the explosion from the grenade had blossomed into a vicious headache, and probably a concussion.

Kaidan reached down and pulled her to her feet, taking her jaw in his hands to stare into her eyes. "How many fingers Shepard?"

"Three?"

"Two." He frowned and punched a command into her suit to release a shot of pain killers. James had moved to check the workers that had been in the room with them. Kaidan released her face, after a quick caress on the cheek, then moved to help him.

Shepard walked slowly to the smoldering crater that was left from where Garneau and the artifact had been. There was nothing there.

"Holy shit…Commander! Check this out." James held out a data pad he had found by one of the workers.

"What have you got?" She took the data pad and looked down on the corpse… it was old. Already beginning to decay.

"That wasn't Garneau… this was." James gestured to the body. "Looks like he's been dead for a while."

"So Leviathan can have Bryson killed. Can take over this colony, and he can use them as puppets. Fuck. Anything else useful?"

James hit a few keys on the data pad. "Encrypted data, and eight missed calls from a Dr. Ann Bryson."

"His daughter." Shepard began, then turned as the door opened and workers began to come into the room, looking at the crater in confusion.

"Who are you?" One asked her curiously.

"I'm Commander Shepard. Are you alright?" Shepard nodded to Kaidan, who immediately began checking her vitals.

"I think so. I feel strange, but alright."

Kaidan checked the scientists and confirmed that health wise they were none the worse for wear. They all seemed very confused.

Shepard brought up her comm link. "Cortez, can you bring the shuttle to our location?"

"Sure thing, Commander. Strangest thing, a couple of minutes ago all the reaper forces just up and left."

"Reaper? What's a reaper?" One of the workers asked, his face showing his confusion.

The reapers had been active for almost four years. _Everyone_ had heard of them. Shepard gaped at him.

Kaidan was quicker to grasp the implications of the question. "What year do you think it is?" He asked.

"It's 2176." An asari answered.

James sucked in a breath. "2176 was ten years ago…" Shepard said.

"What?" The miners all looked at one another, scared.

"You'll all be okay. The Alliance is going to come and help you. Just sit tight." She soothed them. "Kaidan, lets arrange for these people to be put in temporary quarantine, get an alliance team up here stat." He nodded, already typing up a command into his omni tool.

"Ten years. That's a lot of time to lose. These people are going to be in for a shock." Kaidan muttered, his eyes were worried.

"Yeah. I know how they feel." Shepard shook her head, and they left to meet Cortez.

They settled into the shuttle and let Joker know they were on their way back.

"So this Leviathan can take down a reaper and indoctrinate people, too?" James said, shaking his head as he buckled himself into a seat.

Kaidan stood and grabbed a rail next to Shepard, bracing against the rocking of the shuttle. "Do you think it might _be_ a reaper?".

Shepard sighed and scrubbed a hand down her face. Her head still throbbed dully, despite the pain killer Kaidan had given her. "If it is a reaper, we need to know its motivations. How long has it been out here, and more importantly, why?" She released her handle and sat down heavily next to James. "EDI? Did we get anything from Garneau's notes?"

"Yes." The AI answered, coming through the shuttle's speakers. "They suggest that Garneau created a way to block the artifact's mind altering properties. The artifact itself, seems to be the key."

"Agreed. When I head back to Bryson's lab, I want you there."

"Yes, Commander." EDI signed off.

"I want to know just what the hell these artifacts really are, and what they can do." Shepard scowled as she thought of the miners who had just lost 10 years of their lives.

"They are powerful and dangerous, that's for sure." Kaidan muttered.

"And we've got one sitting right in the middle of the citadel." Shepard cursed.

Cortez pulled the shuttle back into the Normandy and Shepard told Joker to head back to the citadel.

The hunt for the Leviathan of dis just got more complicated.


End file.
